Tonight is the vote-off show, but before we talk about that, I have a new show for you to watch gentle reader.  It’s called Dollhouse and it’s on tonight.  It’s on Fox at 9…..which is a terrible time slot, but the same one they gave Firefly, which was another Joss Whedon show.  You probably know him best from his creation Buffy the Vampire Slayer (yes he did co-write the original movie with Kristy Swanson).  Eliza Dushku is absolutely gorgeous and Whedon must be totally in love with her because she’s been in almost all of his shows.  It’s sci-fi and it’s action-packed and it’s fun and it’s well-written.  Of course Whedon’s bad ass hero is a heroine and of course she has a ‘watcher’/protector and of course there is a cast of kooky sidekicks and you know he’ll end up twisting you in knots with the plot but he always pulls it together unlike some people (ummm….J.J. Abrams, you can kiss my ass with this Lost crap).  Give it a shot, just for sheer entertainment value, and especially if you’re a sci-fi fan or if you liked Buffy the Vampire Slayer (p.s. you don’t have to tell anybody you liked that show, but you know you did).

 

Ok, back to the present and last night’s public execution.  There was an awesome quote from TV last night, but surprisingly it wasn’t on this show….even though it was perfect for this show.  Tyson on Survivor, says to the camera, with kind of an evil grin on his face – “I love seeing people cry when you crush their dreams.”  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  That’s brilliant.  And very appropriate for American Idol.  Time to crush some dreams, kiddies.  Here is Ryan in a blue shirt, black jacket, asking us what we have done.  With the voting, obviously, is what he means.  25 million of them last night.  Randy is wearing yet another black v-neck sweater.  Kara is again wearing some black number with too much jewelry.  It looks like her microphone cord has been wrapped repeatedly around her neck.  Paula has something glamorous on that shows off all of her cleavage.  And Simon?  Just guess.  You’ve got a 50-50 shot at being right.

 

Last night was another hour-long show.  So it had a ton of filler.  First we got a recap of the kiddies and their Idol journey.  Then we got to see them sing their group number.  I watched for a little while, but then started to feel my teeth rotting out of my head from the sweetness and forwarded through the last half.  They sounded ok, but clearly this is their first number together.  It was kinda cheesy.  But Idol loves cheese.  Back from Commercial #85 and Seacrest is chatting with the kiddies.  Nick Norman says he’s always looking for a job.  The Welder says he doesn’t regret picking his song or defending his choice to Simon and then he says, it’s never too late for him to get advice referring to Simon’s statement that it was too late for that sort of thing before last night’s show started.  Then Simon says again, it’s too late.  HAHAHAHAHA.  He’s so funny.

 

Time for the first walking the plank ceremony.  Ryan brings Allison, Jessie and the Welder to center stage.  This doesn’t look good for the Welder because I think these two were the strongest girls.  Randy thinks it should be Allison.  And he’s right, it’s Red.  She gets to sing again and no, I did not listen to it again.  I like her, I hope being only 16 doesn’t hinder her too much.  But sometimes the younger you are, the more carefree you are, the less stress you have to deal with, the better you deal with this show.  It may all work out.

 

Back from Commercial #771, Seacrest asks Megan and Chris with a K to come join him on the stage.  Then he asks Dumbo and Leggy Jeanine to come join him at the same time.  He reminds us all again what happened last night and what the judges said.  Paula won’t pick one of them.  So, it’s not Jeanine.  Not Dumbo……now Kara is rambling on and on and on about how she likes Chris with a K and that’s despite what she said last night and blah blah blah.  Get ON with it already.  So he made it.  Special K is through to the final 12 and Tattoo is going home.  He sings again.  I’m sure it was great.

 

Then we get a recap of all the prior seasons….and maybe I’m crazy but have they shown this before?  It was fun to reminisce.  But this is fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiller and I have to watch Survivor too so let’s get a move on.  Now, we get to welcome back Ms. Snow White herself, Brooke.  Brookie Cookie is singing at the piano (sans shoes as usual) her new single, ‘Hold Up My Heart’.  The Hubby didn’t like the title to the song….and if you think about it…..it sounds a little psychotic.  But the song was great.  It really suited her, a nice pleasant sweet song with her charming little folksy twang.  I liked it.  I may spend a couples cents on iTunes for that one….

 

So now.  Finally.  Seacrest brings the last five kiddies to the stage – Mishavonna, Kai, Nick, Adam and Jasmine.  Lots of talking to the kiddies and the judges and no one is saying anything new.  It’s a no to Mishavonna….damn I won’t get to say her name again.  No to Kai, but we knew that.  No to Jasmine, we knew that too.  So Simon says he prayed for five or six hours the previous night that Nick Norman wouldn’t make it through.  No…I won’t drag it out like they did, it’s not Nick.  It’s Dramadama.  He sang again and since I didn’t like it the first time, I didn’t watch it again.

 

Ryan reminds us about the wild card show and Simon confirms that the judges are picking who is going to be performing on that.  Good.  They’ll pick the right people, hopefully.  Then we see the last dozen to perform – Alex the Dork, Felicia, Jorge, Ju-not, Kristy the back-stabbing bitch, Lil Rounds, Nathaniel the Drama Queen, Scott the Blind Guy, Von the Big Baby, Arianna, Kendall, and Taylor.  Stay tuned!

 

Later gators,

Heather

<sigh>  You know what?  <frustrated sigh>  <pause>  I hate driving.  And I hate people.  And I hate school buses.  And I hate driving.  <sigh>  I have a headache from trying to incinerate people with my jedi mind powers and this is not a good way to start a Thursday.  I want to go home already and I just got here….but of course if I went home….I would have to……drive there.  Note to self:  Move teleportation patent up the priority list.

 

Ok, so last night we got to the second dozen on American Idol.  It was on a day later than normal and so my internal calendar is all kooky.  They can’t switch the show around like that because it messes me up.  Yeah, yeah, I know it got preempted by the President <twinkly fingers>  OOOOoooooOOOOOO……<smile>.  Just kidding.  Quick aside, it was a good speech.  No comment (at least for you) on the politics or the message, but it was a good speech.  Ok, so don’t push the show back again.  Anyway, here’s Ryan in a brown or black polo, can’t really tell.  Randy is wearing his preppy v-neck with a bowling ball sized watch.  Paula has a beige or silver top (am I going color blind?) with a ring on her hand that she must have gotten at Randy’s watch shop.  Kara is wearing a simply black thing with way too much jewelry and Simon?  He’s wearing white….or off white…..and he’s in the wrong chair.  <melodramatic sigh>  I can feel my OCD twitch coming on…..because he’s <tic> in the wrong <tic, tic> chair.  Some chatting with the judges, and as usual, that was totally pointless.  Simon did point out that it was too late for advice.  <smile>  Way to put everyone at ease Cowell.

 

The first to sing tonight is Jasmine.  I should warn you now, gentle reader, the Hubby had control of the remote and was forwarding through things I usually watch because he wanted to see the second half of the Maryland Duke game last night.  So I didn’t catch how old she is, but she is from Mississippi.  She’s singing ‘Love Song’.  She has a cute silver jacket on and looks as pretty as ever.  But the song sounds totally out of tune.  She seems to get a little better….but it wasn’t great.  Randy says it was pitchy all through, parts were good and parts were bad, he’s not even sure if it was the right song.  Kara says she starts too low, she’s very commercial but the song was all over the place.  Paula says basically the same thing, but then adds that Jasmine has confidence.  Simon says he’s disappointed.  He thinks she may be a couple of years away from a career, the song didn’t help her.  No parents tonight….thank goodness.  But apparently AI needs to pay some bills, because here’s Commercial #1 of 5,000.

 

Back from the break and it’s Dumbo Ears Matt.  He’s from Michigan.  I think.  He singing Viva La Vida.  Seems like a weird song to pick.  He’s got a good voice, but this song seems to have him all out of breath.  He was ok, but I like him.  Kara says you blew me away in Hollywood, this wasn’t the right song, not bluesy.  Paula says it was a risky song, I did hear you go for it and you brought what you brought.  That is what she said, I’m not making that up.  Simon says it was horrible, went from cool to cheesy pop.  Randy says he’s still rooting for Dumbo, but he needs to go for songs he can go after (whatever that means).  I like him too.  Kind of early to tell if he has a chance.

 

Jeanine is next.  <pause>  Who?  Who is this girl?  I am quite certain this is the first time I am seeing her at all…..what the hell?  She has beautiful hair and legs a mile long.  She is singing ‘This Love’ by Maroon 5, which is a great song….but why pick it?  She looks great.  But another weird choice.  Paula says, great legs.  Simon said it was terrible for you, chose the wrong song, the performance was a struggle.  Randy says hot legs, completely the wrong song.  Kara says very overdone.  At some point in all this everyone started pointing out how pretty she was and Simon goes, nice lips.  ????  What????  Really?  People say things like that?  In a normal social setting?  It was kind of uncomfortable….in that lovably mean British way he has about him.  After Seacrest asked, Kara said she didn’t think Jeanine has a shot of being in the final 12.  Awwwwww….I like her.  And she’s a local, from D.C.  My only problem with her is she kept point out that she was the oldest person in the competition and this was like, her last chance or something…..she’s 28.  Ok girly…..28 does not give you the right to complain.  I didn’t complain until I got to 30.  You don’t get to either.

 

After Commercial #42, Nick Norman is “singing” for us.  He picked a song that sounded familiar at first….and then it turned into an American Idol parody.  He’s running all over the stage, making goo goo eyes at the judges and the audience.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  He’s a riot.  His voice actually didn’t sound as good on this song as it usually does, but he’s so funny.  Simon says, I pray you do not go through.  One of the most atrocious performances, horrific comedy.  To which Norman says, takes one to know one sassy pants.  <chuckle>  They have a good rapport with each other.  Randy says that was the most entertaining performance, I was laughing the whole time.  Kara says we remember you, you put your own spin on things, I enjoyed you.  Paula says you are a true performer, you’re fun.  No chance he goes to the final 12…..seriously…..no chance…..unless those votefortheworst jerks have their way…..

 

Allison is singing next.  She’s 16 from California.  She has bright red hair.  Ryan is trying to interview her in the red room and she’s kind of bumbling through an explanation of school in AI-land, trying to sound cool.  Trying really really hard to sound cool.  She picked Alone, by Heart.  Great song.  And this sounds great, she has a great rock voice.  Wow, that was fun.  Randy says yo, yo, you blew it away, might be one of the best tonight.  Kara says you don’t even know how good you are.  Paula says you could sing the telephone book….I was wondering when she was going to start pulling out last year’s comments.  Simon says, you’re the best tonight by a mile, great confidence, need a little more personality but he was very impressed.  So far, I think she’s the pick for top girl.

 

Chris with a K is singing now and I have no idea who this guy is either.  He’s from Arkansas, I caught that.  He picked Man in the Mirror by Michael Jackson.  Cute guy and wow……he’s a good singer.  Why the hell haven’t we seen these guys before?  He almost sounded like George Michael doing an MJ song.  I liked it.  Kara thinks the end was better than the beginning, she thinks it was the wrong song.  Paula says, I’m going to have to disagree completely, you nailed it and you were charming.  Simon says, I agree with Paula, confidence and personality, you made an effort, put yourself back in the running.  Randy was just glad he could sing without his guitar.  Hehehehehe…ok.

 

Megan, the tattoo girl is singing after Commercial #982.  She picked ‘Put Your Records On’…which is a good song.  But I don’t know….this style of singing can sound great or go a little off….and she sounds a little off to me.  She also has this weird shuffle thing she does while she’s singing that I guess is supposed to be dancing….but who knows?  Paula says you picked the right song, interesting, relevant, hip, cool, beautiful.  Simon says you’re a funny little thing, looked gorgeous, started the song great, you stand out, I hope America votes for you.  Randy is interested in seeing her in the later rounds.  Kara says, with the right song, you could have a breakout hit.  I think you could say that about anyone, Kara.  I don’t like the tattoos.  Tattoo sleeves on girls are so gross.  Especially a girl as pretty as this one.  What were you thinking?  Seriously?  It makes you look like biker bar trash.  I don’t know if I like her more than Allison.

 

The Welder is singing next.  He’s 28 from Oklahoma and you all know I like him already.  He’s like a big teddy bear.  So cute and cuddly.  He picked ‘If You Could Only See’.  I think it sounds great….but then, I already like him.  Simon says I really like you, but I hated the song.  He’s very frustrated, the performance was boring and uncomfortable.  Randy says great song, performance was boring, you were cool Matt but you needed more energy.  Kara says, we all like you, fell really flat, but you can sing.  Paula says we all fell in love with you.  Ryan asked the Welder if he would’ve changed his mind about the song with this hindsight, and he says, sorry no, I love that song.  <smile>  I think he’s still got a good chance.

 

Jessie is up after the break.  She’s a redhead, single mom, 26 from Minnesota.  The first time I remember seeing Jessie was in the sing-off.  She’s singing Betty Davis Eyes.  She’s weirdly pretty.  Pretty voice too.  Wow.  I meant to say, a really great voice.  I liked that a lot.  Randy says it was an ok kind of performance.  What?  Open your ears dawg….he said the song was cool, it was ok, not exciting, I want to hear your range.  Kara said the performance was slinky and sexy, you had some definite moments.  Paula says you have been captivating throughout the entire show, you’re cool, phrasing is unique.  Simon says I think you’re forgettable, a nice voice but it was too cool for school, I don’t think people will vote for you.  Hmmmmm…I disagree.  I think she’ll get some votes.

 

Kai is singing now.  He’s 27 from California and he’s the one with the sick mom sob story.  The guy we’re all kind of rooting for.  But then he picks ‘What Becomes of a Broken Heart’…..<pause> I hate this song.  I really do.  He’s singing it ok, but not great.  And what’s he doing with his face?  He’s looking kind of smarmy.  I don’t think he has a real good chance…..Kara says, I just like you, some pitch issues, I think you gave it your all, a little old-fashioned.  Paula says we can tell you like those throw back songs, she liked his performance.  Simon says very old fashioned, quite corny, something you would see in a wedding or a hotel, nothing distinct or unique, you’d make a good back-up singer.  Ouch!  Randy says it was a very safe performance.

 

Mishavonna.  Mishavonna.  Mishavonna.  I just want to keep saying her name.  It’s awesome.  Anyway, she’s 18 from California.  And she picked, Lord have mercy, Drops of Jupiter.  Seriously…how many times do I have to tell you people.  Train songs should be off limits.  He’s just too good.  She has beautiful hair and a cute little dress, she’s kind of losing the high notes though.  A little out of tune….and you just can’t be.  Hmmmmm….not that good.  Paula says you can definitely sing, not my choice of song.  Simon says you’re very serious, technically a good singer but that performance left me very cold, you act like you’re 50 years old.  Randy says sing something young, that didn’t show off your voice.  Which is a nice way of saying, you sucked it through a straw.  Kara likes the song but thinks she needs to loosen up. 

 

The singer picked to go in the coveted last producer’s choice position is Drama Adam.  Drama is the musical theater guy.  He’s singing Satisfaction, which I think is another crazy choice.  It’s a BIG song.  He’s got this weird Elvis look on his face, and the song has a weird arrangement, kind of pitchy in parts.  Nice screaming.  Paula loves him, she doesn’t have the words to describe it but she does babble on for a while about how she felt like she was at a concert.  Simon says this is very difficult.  Parts of it were excruciatingly bad and parts of it were brilliant, love it or hate it.  Randy says love it, you’re the most current artist we’ve had on this show, a little bit manic, don’t overdo it.  Kara says your vocal technique is outrageous, you have great range, it’s craziness.  Craziness, huh.  I don't like this guy a whole lot....not sure why.  I don't think he's good enough to be so overconfident.

 

So that’s it.  Our second dozen.  I think the girl is Allison, the guy is probably going to be Drama, and I’m crossing my fingers for Dumbo, Chris with a k or the Welder.  I like them all….I know that’s not really making a pick……but whatever.  My blog, I can do what I want.

 

Later gators,

Heather

Welcome to 24-land.  It’s 5pm.  The Girlfriend is on her way to the Butcher.  Agent Eye Candy and Jack have been arrested.  And Back-stabbing Sean is the bad guy.  <pause>  But you already knew that.  So Blondie has found out about the warrant and is panicking.  Ohhhhhhhh….she’s in on it too!!  Back-stabber is trying to tell her to just relax, hold it together, everything will be fine.  Yeah.  I don’t trust this guy as far as I could kick him down a flight of stairs. 

 

So Agent Eye Candy and Jack are in hand cuffs and this is the kind of stuff that happens in 24-land that makes you want to throw things at the TV.  They were SO close to catching him…..SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO close and now this?!?!  Poor Eye Candy knows the Girlfriend is going to die, and we all know how well Eye Candy handles guilt.

 

So the Girlfriend gets to the Butcher and of course he knows she’s been talking to the FBI.  He smashes her cell phone and he yells at her.  He tells her the photos of him killing people in gruesome and horrific ways were …..lies.  Ok.  Like she’s retarded.  Come on, dude.  She agrees to go with him to Belize….obviously just so he doesn’t kill her.

 

Jack and Eye Candy finally get released.  Agent Larry tells Jack they lost the cell phone signal, but then the magical mystical Chloe finds the car on traffic cameras.  Now it’s time for the high speed car chase.  Jack crashes the car….which seems to be what he always does.  How does this guy still have a license?  So it looks like again, they got close and now the Butcher is getting away again…..but wait!  The Girlfriend grabs the wheel and crashes their car too.  They got them!  WOOOHOOO.  So Jack pulls the Butcher out of the car which is, of course, now on fire.  The Girlfriend is stuck under a seat or something and Eye Candy is trying to pull her out.  Jack tells her to get away from the car so she points her gun at him and says help me or get away.  She is totally cracking under the pressure, here……so Jack helps.  Never want to mess with a woman with a loaded gun who is feeling sorry for herself.  They get the Girlfriend out just before the car explodes.  Jack needs another ambulance for the Butcher.  And poor Eye Candy realizes that the Girlfriend is dead.  Uh oh.

 

The President is at the hospital.  Kanin is trying to update her on their successful Sangala invasion….but she’s totally not listening.  You know….cause her husband is in surgery and is probably going to die.  Then she starts blaming herself.  Oh good….more women feeling sorry for themselves.  This is an awesomely uplifting episode.  RoboBill wants to take her to the White House where she can be better protected….but of course she doesn’t want to go….but after everybody continues to harangue her about it, she finally gives in.

 

Jack tells the EMTs to wake up the Butcher.  He wants the names of the Butcher’s co-conspirators.  The people in the government who helped him.  And of course this guy has a list.  Where’s the list!  He conveniently loses consciousness before he can tell Jack.  But Jack figures out that the Butcher has a metal plate or something inserted in his body (I think it was the EMTs who figured that out, but Jack was the one who suggested they carve it out of his body).  It’s like Jason Bourne.  So the metal chip is the smoking gun.  Got to get it back to the FBI, specifically Chloe.  Jack calls Agent Moss and of course that means Back-stabber overhears the whole conversation and knows he’s done for.  Now he has to tell Blondie, who completely loses it.  But Back-stabber has a plan.  Crash the whole system.  Wow….that sounds like total overkill, doesn’t it?  But in order to crash everything, Blondie has to bypass all the safety protocols.  She agrees after Back-stabber makes goo goo eyes at her and tells her he loves her….and now I know he’s lying.  And she’s deluding herself.  And this is not going to end well.

 

Jack and Eye Candy are at the hospital with the Butcher.  And Eye Candy takes out all of her guilt on Jack, calling him an unfeeling monster and he's like, all that matters it that we caught the bad guys and saved the world….and then she says, you don’t care about the little people who got hurt along the way.  And Jack is like, yeah.  That’s absolutely right.  Come on lady.  Wake up.  <shaking my head>  I really hate her. 

 

Cut back to the FBI.  Chloe has the chip and she says it has an ‘auto-erase’ function which means she can only download it once.  Ok…..still good with the IT mumbo jumbo….but I have a feeling they’re going to lose me real quick.  Blondie and Back-stabber are in the Server Room of Death.  Back-stabber gets a call from the travel agent who has no idea any of this is happening and Back-stabber says, no problem, I’ve got it all under control.  Blondie gets the server to start crashing and Chloe, of course, immediately knows what is going on.  Back-stabber kisses her and then…..shoots her in the tummy.  Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.  Then he shoots himself in the arm to make it look like he was attacked by her…..so Agent Larry and Chloe barge in, the Back-stabbing Shooter is lying on the floor saying, it wasn’t me!  It wasn’t me!  But the servers have been erased.  Now we’ll never know who in the government has been corrupted.

 

Agent Larry believes Back-stabber's cockamamie story…..he sounds like a liar liar pants on fire to me….but then Chloe pulls a rabbit out of her hat….explains some IT Sanskrit to Agent Larry and the important part is that she has the files.  Somehow.  Probably magic.  Or time travel.  Now Back-stabber is acting really weird, but Agent Larry is writing it off to shock.  Now Fake-Chloe wants to know what the hell is going on….but Back-stabber is like back off chica, I just shot my girlfriend.  I’m kidding….he didn’t say that….he just said, gotta go run some errands.  Because that’s not suspicious or anything.  And he’s trying to leave the building, but they already know it’s him and in a rare show of competence, they catch him before he can get away.  He’s not talking, he wants a lawyer.  Of course you do Back-stabber.  Of course you do. 

 

Sister shows up at the hospital and Eye Candy has to tell her that her Sister is dead.  Then she tries to apologize, and honey, I would not have wanted to hear that either.  The Sister starts yelling at her – You killed my sister!!  Never mind that the Girlfriend volunteered for this.  Never mind that the Girlfriend was the one who crashed the car.  Never mind all that.  Jack calls Eye Candy away from the Sister and tells her it’s over.  Chloe got the names.  But Eye Candy just……can’t…..let…..it…..go.  Don’t you feel anything!  She's screaming at him and then she’s slapping him in the face.  Do you feel that!  Man…..Jack is showing some real constraint here.  Because I would have slapped her right back.  With a two by four.  I can’t stand this woman.  And all her whining.  Just shut it already!  Jack tells her she’ll learn to live with it.  And she’s like, I don’t want to learn to live with it.  And so he says, then quit.  Yeah, quitter, why don’t you quit?  Stupid quitter.  And then he says (hehehehehehehehehe) if you ever pull your gun on me again you better intend on using it, and she says, I did.  OOOOoooooOOOOOOO, no she di-idn’t!!  That was an awesome scene.  But I still hate her with a passion.

 

So it’s over, right?  We’re all done.  The bad guys have been got.  No more crises to thwart.  Show’s over?

 

 

<long pause>

 

 

 

Hang on.  It’s only 5:50pm.  Didn’t this show start at 8 am?  What the hell?

 

 

The First Daughter is finally at the White House.  And she’s being a typical First Daughter, saying it took dad getting shot for you to want to talk.  Nice.  Give your mom a hard time.  Today.  That’s awesome.  So RoboBill tells the President they got all the names, thanks to Jack.  Then he starts trying to convince the President that Jack kind of deserves a break from this congressional hearing bs, you know….since he saved the country and your husband and probably the entire galaxy because of his heroics today.  He might just deserve a ‘thank you’.  <shrug>  Makes sense to me.  So she goes….typical woman…..I’ll think about it.  Hahahahahahahaha….way to not get too emotional.  Maybe if the First Gentleman lives, she’ll help.

 

So Jack is on the steps near the Reflecting Pool (?) down on the Mall….couldn’t really see where he was sitting.  And Tony shows up.  Aha!  Jack asks him why he hasn’t turned himself in yet.  Oh you know, because there’s another attack planned on DC and I need your help Jack to stop it.  Wha-WHAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!  So this attack is from Juma himself according to Tony’s mystery source.  Juma, because he’s a sore loser, is going to attack some high profile target in DC (I watched the previews, so I know where it is but I won’t ruin it for you in case you missed them).  Tony tells Jack that Senator Mayer’s Chief of Staff is in on it.  Senator Mayer is the guy running the congressional hearing against Jack.  And his Chief of Staff is, get this, the travel agent.  Nice.  At least we find out how that guy really fit in to the whole thing.  Jack says you better not be lying to me Tony.  I don’t think he would lie to you Jack.  So Tony says, if you’re with me, meet me later.  I need your help.  Doesn’t everybody always need his help?

 

The show ends with the Travel Agent, whose name is Ryan apparently, talking to the Senator.  The President wants to meet with the Senator about Jack, good she finally came to her senses, and the Senator wants the Travel Agent to come with him to the White House….and his look of deep concern should have tipped you off as to where the attack is supposed to happen.  He gets a text message (terrorist plans is apparently one of the aps you can get on your iPhone) that says ‘Units in place.  Operation on schedule.’  Operation Worst Day Ever seems to be on schedule too.  Come on Jack, you had to know it wasn’t over yet.  It’s never over until the carriage turns back into a pumpkin.  You’ve been through enough of these to know, it always lasts 24 hours.  Exactly.  <smile> Otherwise they would call the show something else.....

 

Later gators,

Heather

Ok.  It's week 2 of Survivor which translates into something like Day 2 out in the Brazilian highlands.  Quick recap for everybody - two teams, one I am calling Jellybelly and the other one is Timber.  It's really hot in Brazil.  Sandy doesn't know what a pace is, but Caroleena couldn't keep her mouth shut so she got voted out first.  Everybody gets back to Jellybelly and starts going on about how hard that was at tribal council.  Really?  Cause it's like day 2 and you didn't even know her....and you probably hated her because she's got big boobs.....so don't pretend like you didn't want to vote her out.  Bus Driver still thinks she's next in line and she's probably right unless someone else makes a big faux pas like Caroleena.  The next morning, the boys are tired of fruit already so they decide to rip apart a termite mound like mighty hunters and eat the little creepy crawlies.  Yup.  This is Survivor.  And that was gross. 

 

At Timber, Sierra still hates everyone for voting for her....ahhhh....come on.....buck up, kiddo.  I'm sure it's going to get much worse.  So anyway, she decides to look for the hidden immunity idol.  And she decides she needs help.  So she picks Brendan to trust since he didn't vote for her in the beginning.  I would pick him for that reason too.  So they decide to dig a HUGE hole in the middle of the beach.....cause that's not conspicuous or anything....and then the older blonde lady wanders out there and is like, watcha guys doing?  Looking for an idol?  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  I'm just kidding....she didn't say that....she's blonde, so the fire pit story that Sierra gave her was enough.  So stupid.  A fire pit?  Really?  Candance starts day dreaming about fish cooked in oil and spices and blah blah blah...and Tyson goes, you know we can find all of that stuff?  And she's like, really?  And he's like, uh no.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Candace does not appear to be the type of person who can take a joke, at least at her own expense.  And she seems very vindictive....this is female instincts talking people.  All women have this ability.  Men fight each other.  Women intuit.  But then....you already knew we could read minds, so this shouldn't be too hard to accept either.  <smile>  Candace doesn't get along with Coach....they argue about how to cook beans.  Or maybe it was the rice.  Or maybe it was the beans.  Or maybe I could care less.....I don't like Coach.  And I don't like Candace.  Anyway, Coach tries to smooth things over with her...but she's stubborn and annoying and she has big boobs too, so you know all the other girls already hate her.

 

Switch back to Jellybelly and everybody is sitting around chatting.  Someone nonchalantly asks Taj what her husband does for a living.  He's a football commentator.  His name is Eddie.  And yes, I spelled it that way for a reason.  Immediately, the boys say, Eddie George?  Why yes....yes that's him.  No big deal, right?  TAJ!  What are you thinking?!?  Don't tell them your hubby is Eddie George?  Now they don't think you need the money and for some people that's enough to vote you out....one of them, I think it was Corporate consultant Steven with a ph says to the camera, I had no idea who they were talking about.  When he made that statement, the Hubby immediately turned and looked at me like he was going to say something, then he kind of grumbled and sighed at the same time, and turned back around.  <smile>  The Hubby thinks men should be born with the amount of sports knowledge he has logged away in his own brain....I guess he's not rooting for Steven with a ph anymore. 

 

Time for the reward/immunity challenge.  Why are they combining this?  Are we really that short on time?  I guess we are....so it's like a water polo match, except you have to get the ball in a basket thingy.  First team to three points, wins.  First network to have girls in bikinis falling off in the water wins the ratings.....ahhhhh Survivor.....your tactics are so unoriginal.  But effective.  The Hubby seems riveted to the screen.  They aren't any super cute boys on this season, so I could kind of care less.  Timber wins the first two points, then Jellybelly comes back to win.  Half drowning the competition was a good technique, I think.  <smile>  So Brendan is picked to go to Exile and apparently he gets to pick a member from the other team to go to Exile with him.  <perplexed look>  What?  That's new.  So he picks Taj.  Huh.  You might need that idol, sweetie.

 

Back at Jellybelly, the Bus Driver is relieved....here to stay for a few more days.  Then we learn that the Bama Country Boy - JT, is apparently the leader of the tribe....which I don't really see, except Steven with a ph thinks so.  In fact....Steven with a ph seems to be quite taken with JT.  Maybe it's because he's kind of obsessed with his own image as a NY City Jew and he's kind of surprised that he would like a good ol' country boy.  Bama clearly thinks that ph is a little nuts.  Especially when he attempts to spear some fish.  But Bama just smiles....this guy might be able to play it under the radar for a while....

 

At Exile, Taj and Brendan each have to pick a jar.  Brendan's is the one with the clue.  It says he can share it if he wants to, the idol is in the tribal homelands, and twist number 2 - he can switch tribes if he wants to.  That's awesome.  They always change it up on this show and even though Trusty Brendan says he has no intention of switching tribes now....you just know that will come into play later.  Taj convinces him to show her the clue, because he's a pushover, and she tells him right off that it must be back at their camps.  Duhhhhhhhhhhhh!  So they make a pact to try to get back to Exile and work together and lie to their camps about not finding anything.  I like both of these players......so far.

 

Cut over to Timber where everyone is scrambling about the Tribal vote.  Candace thinks Coach needs to go.  I told you, she's vindictive.  Blondie runs back to Coach and blabs about Candy's plan.  He says the "poison apple needs to go".  <yuck>  This guy just makes me cringe.  I think I'd prefer having Candy around for her bitchiness than this guy with his ingratiating ways.  Then we get to see Candy chatting with Erin with two n's about how safe they are because everyone knows how valuable they are on the tribe......hehehehehehehehe......oh honey.  Even the producers don't know how to make this less obvious.....Brendan gets back to camp, lies to everyone about the idol and because he's so darn trustworthy, they believe him.

 

Time for the tribal council.  Sierra is ok with everyone voting for her before.  Candy says, it was hard because she didn't hike through the desert with us.  Jeffy poo asks Trust Brendan about Exile.  Coach says he trusts the guy 100%.  Erin with two n's says you can't trust anybody.  Blondie says, I trust EVERYONE.  Hehehehehehehe.....ok then.  Jeffy poo says it's time to vote.  Once the votes are read, the decision is final.  The person voted out will have to leave the tribal council area immediately.  Everybody but Candy voted for Candy, so you know with Erinnnnnnnnnnnnn thinks you can't trust anybody....because you apparently can't trust her.  Ahhh, Candy.  The lesson you should have learned a little faster - thinking you're awesome is not the same thing as everyone else thinking you're awesome.  <smile>

 

Later gators,

Heather

 

 

Ok, before we get to the show, I need to talk about my morning commute again.  Not to complain about the Ellicott City Elks or the Columbia Columns....this time just to complain in general.  This morning I was driving behind one of those landscaping-type trucks...you know the ones I mean, so loaded down with equipment it takes a little while to get up to speed....which on all these back roads I drive on can be infuriating.  Not for me this morning...I left early, so I wasn't in a rush.  It's nice to not be in a rush sometimes.  But then trucker guy ruined everything.  The road we're on comes to a stop at a stop sign and you can either go left or right.  Straight ahead is a wall of dirt and trees.  Well....since I was not tailgating trucker guy, probably like I normally would have done, I was far enough behind him to not be caught up in this in any way....but close enough to still see the whole thing happen.  Instead of stopping at the STOP sign...trucker guy blasted right on through.  Remember me telling you there is nowhere to go straight through that sign?  Yeah....he had no where to go.  I don't know if he realized just before the crash or if he never realized, but the big loaded down landscaping truck goes barrelling into the dirt embankment, bucks up and falls to the left, drifts across the road and comes to a stop facing the wrong way on the right side of that street.  Slightly annoyed, I figure I should at least stop and see if trucker guy is dead or needs me to call 911.  There is about three tons of dirt on the road now.  I pull the car over, put on the hazards and traverse this muck to tap on trucker guy's window.  He looks a little flustered, which I can understand since he just crashed his car.  Trucker guy didn't speak English very well, but he did say no to an ambulance.  He also had a cell phone in his hand....so I stopped worrying so much.  And there was some other guy in the truck....so if trucker guy passed out from a brain hemorrhage, I figured his buddy would call a doctor.  I also kind of assumed a cop would show up soon anyway.  I didn't really have time to be annoyed that I had to stop in the first place before some other driver was honking.  At me.  <pause>  Oh no you di-idn't.  Then this total ass clown rolls down his window and screams, you're blocking the road.  So I screamed back, yeah di**, this guy was just in an accident.  He screams back at me I need to move my car....which I was on my way to doing before di** started screaming.....but now he has stoked the wrath of Darth Heather and now he must pay.  I scream back, grow a heart you f*****g Grinch!  He's not dead, just in case you decide to care later!  I took my time starting the car, drove exactly the speed limit until we got to the next stop light, where the f*****g di** ass clown turned right when I went straight.  Now I think this is an important time to point out that even though I love reality TV shows and competitions....I do still have a small grasp on the really real reality.  Like people dying in car crashes.  Even it was their own stupid fault for talking or sleeping or eating and not paying attention while they're driving a two ton killing machine.  People are so obsessed with TV, probably because it's a great escape from their own problems....but then God forbid, they have to step away from that for two seconds, turn down the morning talk show on the radio and deal with someone else's problem....they get bitchy about it.  Well, here's some advice.  Stop being bitches.  People are....<pause>....living breathing creatures that have family or friends and they deserve your help and maybe even a little tiny bit of your respect just by default and that's just until they do something to lose it.  But come on.  People are PEOPLE.  Not actors on TV...If they were actors, by all means, let 'em die.....<chuckle>....just kidding.  Don't scream at me for trying to help someone.  Don't ever honk at me.  And try to be a little more humane.  "Humane" meaning showing compassion.  <sigh>  Derived from the word human.  You nincompoops.  I really hate people sometimes.  I hate that they can't drive.  I really hate that.  But I'll always stop to make sure they're not dead.  Even if I hate them.  That's just reality.

 

Ok....moving on to more pleasant things.  Last night was the vote-off show for American Idol's first dozen contestants.  Did you vote?  I usually don't....that doesn't mean I can't complain about the results, it just means I don't have a right to.  But that's never stopped me before.  Seacrest tells us to take nothing for granted.  I just want to smack him sometimes....he's a little more dolled up tonight.  Black on black shirt and jacket.  24 million people voted?  Holy cow.  That's a lot for this point in the show.  Remember, it's the top guy, the top girl and the person who gets the next highest number of votes.  Ryan calls that person the vote-getter.  Ok.  Randy has on the same black v-neck sweater he's worn for like four seasons now.  Kara has on her go-go outfit, snazzy silver....I hope she came down a little from that high she was on yesterday.  Paula has on some pink thing that, like Kara, seems totally inappropriate for this kind of show.  Simon has on another one of his 92 black tops. 

 

The first filler of the night is a recap of the kiddies "Idol Journey".  Which was just a montage of clips from the audition shows....and wow....I've totally seen all this, like within the last month.  Unless I just woke up from a coma with amnesia, I'm pretty sure I would remember everything that happened so recently.  At least when it comes to this show.  I have no idea what I had for dinner last Tuesday or what I wore to work yesterday.  But I've already seen all of this!!  ARGH!!  Move it along already!!

 

OOOOooooooOOOOOOOo...they're doing a group song.  Wow...they haven't really been a group for too long....the kiddies are singing I'm Yours and they're ok.  But they clearly need more practice.  Too bad three fourths of them are leaving.  And then we get some brainwashing from Ford.

 

Now the kiddies are on the couches, awaiting their fate.  But first we have to endure more highlights.  From LAST NIGHT.  Come on.....we just saw that....like a day ago.  Don't be ridiculous.  Now Ryan is talking to everyone.  Jackie gives herself an A- for last night's performance.  Anoop de Loop Loop says he's calm about tonight and then Ryan gives him a hard time until he admits to being nervous.  Tatiana is still acting possessed, which is making me HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE her more than ever.  She's trying to sound sophisticated and mature and it's coming off as very theatrical and insincere.  Stevie is just glad to be here.  <smile>  Way to keep some perspective, hon.

 

So each of the kiddies is walking the gang plank, one at a time.  Casey Carlson is up first.  It's a No.  Wow.....that happened awfully fast.  I know we only have an hour.  But it was like stand up. No. Sit down.  Without very much pomp and circumstances.  Hardly any of the "so sorry you're a loser" nonsense we usually get.  I love this.  Let's get right to it.  Steven with a ph is a No too....but we knew that.  Alexis Grace is next and she is.............in the Top 12!!!  AHA!  I was right on one of my picks.  And then they make her sing her song again...which I clearly got the impression she was not expecting to have to do....but it actually sounded really good.  Better than last night.

 

Ricky Bobby (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA) and Jackie stand up together.  Together?  Now we're not even going one at a time.  It's a No for both of them and that's too bad....because I like them both.  Next is Anoop de Loop Loop and the Roughneck.  It's a No and a YEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!  YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!  Pick number two right for me so far.  He seems so humble and so nervous.  You really gotta love this guy.  And yes boys, it is kind of hot to hear somebody goes to work every day at the sixth most dangerous job in the world....he sings and it sounds great too.  Then Ryan tells us that only 20,000 votes separated Anoop de Loop Loop from the Roughneck.  Wow.  I don't think I would have wanted to know that I was theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees close if I was Anoop de Loop Loop.  So that must mean that the Roughneck was the Vote-Getter, not the top guy.  Because if he was the top guy, then Anoop would have been the Vote-Getter.  I explained my logic to the Hubby who countered that the girls could have gotten more votes than both of them....which is just silly.  Almost all of the guys were better than the girls.  I did not poo poo his point because Hubbys need to hold on to that illusion that their comments are always right on the money.  Just like I have to hold on to the illusion that he appreciates my comments on various sporting events.  <chuckle>  The key to a happy marriage, gentle reader, is not shattering the illusion.  So anyway, the Roughneck is the Vote-Getter, so the last person to be announced should be the top guy.

 

Seacrest explains the Disney American Idol experience...I wasn't really listening to any of this....because it sounded a little silly.  That doesn't mean that I wouldn't jump right into it the first chance I got, dragging a kicking and screaming Hubby with me.....but it DID sound silly.

 

Then, we got a performance from last season's contestants Irish Carly and Thunder from Down Under Michael.  They really do not harmonize together very well....I mean, don't get me wrong, they sound great by themselves, but when they sing together it all goes wrong.

 

After another break, Ryan makes Ann Marie, Brenty Keithy and Stevie stand up.  Just stand up where you are, don't bother walking down to center stage.  <chuckle>  They all get a No, and that's kind of too bad.  The Hubby will definitely not be watching anymore.

 

Last to stand up is Danny and the Devil Woman.  I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE this woman.  If she makes it through and Adorable Danny doesn't, I will throw my cocoa mug at the TV....well, I wouldn't do anything that drastic, but I'd think about it real hard.  So Ryan asks Paula who she thinks should move on....and ahhhhhhhhhh glorious day, she says Danny.  AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.  What a betrayal!  She's wearing your jewelry Paula!  How could you!?!  <evil laugh>  Hehehehehehehe.  Love it.  The Devil Woman is still acting like she's hopped up on something Paula would probably take.  Man, I so can't stand her.  So Ryan is just about to tell us who is through when he decides to go to commercial instead and I literally feel like I'm going to explode.

 

So after the break, and I have had a chance to run wildly around the house three times causing the Pumpkin to go into cardiac arrest and the Hubby to ask if the show is over yet, we finally get the verdict.  It's Danny.  Well of course it is.  Because he's adorable.  And he can sing.  And he's not the devil.  <smile>  All very good reasons to vote for him.  And the Devil Woman starts in with the theatrics and now they are not annoying, because she is clearly miserable and I am just wallowing in it.  BRUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (that's my evil laugh)  The world hates you Devil Woman.  Time to go home.  But it won't be that simple for her....she's such a drama queen...she didn't do anything totally ridiculous, but she just stood there fake-crying and scrunching up her face and looking like a putz.  Don't act like you're crying if you can't actually squeeze out a few real tears.  She is so not graceful about this....and that just makes me smile and laugh my evil laugh even more.  This is the most awesome thing ever.  Adorable Danny is singing and honestly, I don't think his re-performance was as good as last night....but it doesn't matter now.  The Devil Woman is standing in the back of the crowd of kiddies, and while everyone else is applauding and smiling, she still has this hurt look on her face clearly desperate for more attention than she deserves.  Hehehehehehehehe.  BRUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.   She has this look on her face that makes it seem like she's trying to burn a hole through Danny's skull with her Devil corneas.  Hehehehehehehehe....being psychic didn't come in too handy with this, did it?  You jerk.  Babye.

 

So that's it.  I was right on all my picks by the way.  Just to point out how great I am.  Seacrest thanks the judges, and then he thanks us and then he introduces us to next week's dozen.  There are a lot of people in that group that I like....so it's going to be even more tough to choose then.  Can't wait.

 

Later gators,

Heather

It’s time for you to make a difference America.  This is your chance to vote.  Seacrest always makes this sound so important….and what the hell is he wearing?  He looks like Mr. Rogers in that sweater.  Randy, on the other hand, is wearing some kind of scarf.  Kara has on a snazzy white dress thing with a black collar.  Paula is wearing some kind of luau dress and Simon has on his comfortable black.

 

Ryan asks all the judges what the kiddies need to do tonight to succeed.  And none of them make a whole lot of sense….especially Paula.  Ahhhhhhh….feels good to get back to the normal routine, doesn’t it?  Simon tells Ryan he’s having a ‘Single White Female’ moment when he looks at Seacrest’s new haircut.  Not only is it much darker than it used to be, it looks a lot like Simon’s haircut.  I actually don’t like it at all…..with a name like Seacrest you really should be a bleached blonde.

 

So anyway, they’re doing things much differently this season.  Much differently?  Really Heather?  Much differently?  <sigh>  Ok….so it’s been a long week and it’s only Tuesday, leave me alone.  Three people will go through from this group of twelve.  The girl with the most votes, the guy with the most votes and the next highest vote-getter.  Vote-getter?  <siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh>  You’re going to have to try to bear with me tonight people….this may sound an awful lot like Miss Abdul tonight.  Oh…one other important thing, all the losers…..I think all the losers, get to go to the wild card show for another chance to get into the final 12.

 

So Jackie is up first.  I like this girl, she seems fun.  Jackie is 28 and from NY.  She calls herself an entertainer and I can see that.  She was the one auditioning when the window fell on the judges….<chuckle>…..anyway, she’s singing Little Less Conversation by Elvis.  I love this song, I hope she does it well.  And then she walks out on stage and I am kind of speechless from her really weird outfit.  She looks like Bad Sandy from Grease.  <pause>  Take that in for a minute.  But she’s having fun, the whole thing was kind of weird though.  Randy said she is a good entertainer but he wasn’t blown away by the vocals.  Kara said you can work a stage, you showed us who you are.  Paula said you got me up dancing, it wasn’t perfect but sometimes perfect is boring.   <pause>   Or good?  <shrug>  Where does she come up with these gems of advice?  Simon said you played the clown, it was an ungainly performance, don’t think you did yourself any favors and I don’t like your outfit.  HAHAHAHAHAHA.  Tell it like it is Cowell.  And what’s this?  The Parents are here?  Everybody’s parents/family is here…..for filler.  I don’t care what they said so I didn’t listen to any of it.  I’m guessing a lot of “I’m so proud” and “Vote for my kid” and blah blah blah.

 

Next up is Ricky Bobby.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  That makes me laugh every time I think it.  Ricky Bobby….HAHAHAHA.  He was serving chicken fingers before he decided to go after his singing dream.  Singing dream?  <scrunching up my face>  Maybe I’m suffering from carbon monoxide poisoning……maybe the Hubby has been lacing my cocoa with arsenic so he doesn’t have to watch this show anymore……Anyway, Ricky Bobby (HAHAHHAHAHA) is kind of a dud.  I don’t remember seeing him that much at all during the auditions or hell week….so I have no idea what this is going to be like.  He has kind of a weird accent for being from North Carolina.  He’s 26 with spiky hair and sometimes he wears glasses.  But not tonight.  He’s singing a Song For You by Leon Russell.  And holy bajeebers he has a nice voice….but he’s giving me that Clay Aiken feel….like what are you doing singing?  That blazer makes him look like Seacrest.  Randy says this is what I’m talking about!  Way to go!  Beautiful voice!  Kara said you killed that, effortless.  Paula said she’s glad America gets to see you even though you weren’t featured during the previous shows….hmmm….at least she pointed that out.  She thinks he deserves to go far.  Simon says I’m not jumping out of my chair or anything (wouldn’t that be hi-larious), great voice, no star quality.  He always hits the nail on the head….he thinks Ricky Bobby (HAHAHAHAHAHA) needs to start believing in himself.

 

Alexis Grace is the third singer.  She’s the one with the pink pixie hair.  Wow….she’s singing Never Loved A Man by Aretha….that’s a huge song.  She’s wearing a pretty little black dress.  She is 21 from Tennessee…..and that may be why she reminds me of Dolly Parton for some reason….but I think she actually looks a little Dolly….right?  And I don’t think the vocals are all that great, but she does have a very strong voice.  Randy says you found the soul, lovin’ you right now.  Kara said the genie is out of the bottle.  ????? What?  What the hell is she talking about?  Paula rambled on incessantly about something….pretty much just to irritate Simon.  He said, by a mile the best so far (out of 3 singers?), you have a confidence, you could be a dark horse in this competition.  Then he compared her to Kelly Clarkson.  What HUH?!?!?  There is no way this girl, sorry, is any where near as good as Miss Kelly.  That is totally nuts.  She was and is the best ever. 

 

Moving on.  Brent Keith is singing now.  Another guy with two first names….like…..<wait for it>……RICKY BOBBY!  AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.  <pulling myself together>  He’s the country singer with the rugged good looks.  The show has some technical difficulties and I almost didn’t find out that he’s 29 from Ohio, struggling to keep his wife and family afloat.  This is his last chance to make a singing career work….or so he tells us.  That’s good….make us care.  Then he says that when Paula and Kara went under the table during his audition (you remember that bizarre scene, right?) it made him uncomfortable.  Me too Brenty Keithy.  Heeeheeee.  He’s singing Hick Town because “this is who I am”.  Nice.  This is a great song, but I don’t think I have to remind any of you that I like country music.  He’s really good.  A really good country singer.  That dimple is adorable and he’s having fun.  That was super redneck singing, right thar.  Randy says he liked what he did, a new edge, he can see Brenty Keithy at a chili cook-off.  Kara thinks he played it safe, the song wasn’t rangy enough.  Paula says I want America to remember everything you’ve done, not just this song.  Simon says you had one shot and you didn’t play it safe, you made it forgettable.  He thinks Brenty Keithy blew his one chance….to which Brenty Keithy replies….I think country fans will remember that.  I think so too, hon.  There are a lot of country fans out there Simon.  Just ask Miss Carrie Underwood.

 

Stevie Wright is singing now and she has a huge smile that just makes you want to smile too.  She’s 17.  I didn’t catch where she’s from.  She wanted to sing something ‘young’, so she picked You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift.  Wow….she sounds really nervous.  This is kind of bad.  It’s like she can’t catch her breath.  Awwwww…..that’s too bad.  Randy goes wow, wow, wow.  Not hot.  Really safe.  You’re better than this song or this performance.  Kara says you’re having an identity crisis, this song had nothing to do with you.  Paula says, I agree, the low range was too low.  Simon says, it was terrible.  Out of tune.  Out of your depth.  Paula tried to say that it was up to America to decide.  And then Simon goes….America votes….but they listen to me.  <chuckle>  Yes, yes they do Mr. Cowell.  He tells her she has a zero chance on moving on…..I think in the end she’s just happy it’s over.

 

Anoop de Loop Loop is singing now.  He’s 23 from South Carolina.  He wants to bring energy, which I don’t think will be a problem…..but again…..he just doesn’t look like a singer.  I don’t know….maybe I’m being too stereotypical.  He sings Angel of Mine by Monica.  He has such a nice voice, it’s just weird to look at his face.  He kind of reminds me of Ralph Macchio….and yes, I realize a lot of you have no idea who that is….he got a little out of tune for a little while but all in all it was very good.  Paula adores this guy.  Randy said it was an interesting song choice, a little sharp, still a huge fan.  Kara said it was a hard song to sing, not sure if you got the riffs.  Paula said America has connected with you, you have a Bryan McKnight feel to your voice.  Huh…ok.  Simon asked him why he chose that song….basically because he liked it….Simon thinks it was a little too grown up for him, too serious.  He says you’ve got massive likeability, we’ll try to forget you sang this.  Huh….ok.  I like him too….but I don’t know.  Not who I pictured winning this show….Anoop de Loop Loop gives Ricky and the Band some props too….nice going kid, always keep the band happy.

 

Casey Carlson is up next.  CC is 20 from Minnesota and she used to make bubble tea.  Is bubble tea like tapioca?  It looks gross to me.  She reminds me of Mandy Moore.  She decides to sing Every Little Thing She Does is Magic….by the Police?  What?  Really?  A Sting song?  This is a hard song to sing.  She’s wearing a weird little gold dress and she has her hair done up in a weird way….this song is kind of painful to listen to….Randy says it was not good for me, completely wrong for you, karaoke.  Kara said everything was wrong, nobody goes near these songs, so overdone.  Is she high or something?  She keeps speaking too close to the microphone…..Paula says, you’re beautiful.  Hehehehehehehe….oh Paula.  Then she says your phrasing was weird, just didn’t work.  Simon asks her how she thinks she did….never a good sign.  He said well, you look good (a la Paula?) but the singing was atrocious, you shouldn’t have been allowed to sing that.  I agree, this girl has no chance.

 

The Roughneck is singing now after the 86^th commercial of the night.  Seacrest says they’re twins….oohkaaaay.  Roughneck is 27 from Texas.  He’s singing Gavin McGraw.  Everybody knows I like this guy.  The song is I Don’t Wanna Be.  He sounds nervous, but he’s pulling through it.  I really like this guy.  Randy says there were some good parts, you can definitely sing.  Thanks for pointing that out dawg.  Kara says the song is a great crowd pleaser but not your best performance.  Paula thought you did a real good job.  Simon says people like you, wasn’t the best vocal, but America should give you another chance.  <smile>  I’m glad he said that.

 

Anne Marie is singing next and the Hubby magically showed up in time to see this one.  She’s a waitress from Tennessee.  She’s 22.  She decided to sing Natural Woman…..which Miss Kelly Clarkson sang….and I still remember that performance.  She has a pretty blue dress on, pretty hair.  The song was pretty but it just didn’t compare.  Randy asks how do you think you did?  He doesn’t think it was the right song for her, it just wasn’t good enough.  Kara says that song was too big, a bit old fashioned….to which Ann Marie goes, oh, I should sing songs that aren’t as good?  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Good one.  Paula says compared to other performances you have done, this was better, you gave it your all.  Simon says, let’s be honest (oooooohhhh, LET’S!!) if we were looking for the best hotel singer in California you may have done well, your voice is not good enough for that song, very old fashioned and irrelevant.  You may have ruined your one chance.  Awwww….poor Ann Marie.  Then she goes into the red room to chat with Ryan…and I know I haven’t been talking about this stuff but this particular interview was hi-larious.  Ann Marie walks in and bouncing onto the couch….and you hear her mic kind of crunch and she goes, “Oh!  I sat on the hard part!”  <chuckle>  Ryan was so flustered by this…he kind of blushes and says….oooohkaaaay.  The Hubby was mumbling under his breath about ten years of marriage and where I sit and hard parts and I have no idea what he was saying…….I shushed him so I could watch some more American Idol.  So he gave me one of those Looks I was telling you about before and went to play Mafia Wars on Facebook.

 

Steven with a ph is singing now.  He’s the guy that forgot the words and walked off the stage.  He’s singing Rock With You by Michael Jackson and I swear I don’t recognize this song.  It sounds off….why would you pick a Michael Jackson song anyway?  I don’t like it.  Oh, and he’s 26 from Ohio.  Randy says I don’t know what is going on (ME EITHER!), weird song, not the joint you should be singing, kind of pitchy.  Kara says you were more connected with the song you forgot.  Paula says you got a rare opportunity to get a second chance at this, but this song belongs to only one artist.  Simon says it was a pointless performance, terrible arrangement, huge mistake, kind of corny.  I don’t think this guy has a chance.

 

The Devil Woman is up next.  She’s 24 from Puerto Rico.  Blah blah blah.  If you’ve forgotten about how I feel about this girl….I HATE HER.  HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE HER.  She has a good voice.  Weird dress.  The Hubby pointed out, as he was walking by me, that Del Toro means ‘of the bull’.  Which made me laugh….but I’m not sure why.  Randy was worried about the song choice, but he thinks she had some moments.  Then he kept saying moments, like he was stuck.  Kara said it was like a roller coaster ride with Devil Woman.  Kara has no idea where this girl fits.  To which the Devil Woman responds, I fit everywhere.  Paula tells her she’s the most talked about contestant, beautiful moments to the song, some points were pitchy.  Simon calls her a drama queen, she seems desperate to be famous, surprisingly it was good, this weird demure attitude she has tonight is making him nervous.  She is acting weirdly demure….like she’s on horse tranquilizers……

 

Adorable Danny is the last to sing tonight.  Ironman.  He’s 28 from Wisconsin.  He’s a widow.  And he’s adorable with those nerdy glasses on….he’s a church music director and he’s adorable….did I mention that?  He’s singing Hero by Mariah Carey.  Nice.  Nice choice.  If anyone is going to sing a Mariah Carey song, it should be a guy.  The song is beautiful.  I think he did a great job.  He has amazing control over his voice.  The judges are going crazy.  Randy says, blazin’ hot!  Kara says you’re my hero or some other kind of nonsense and why in the holy hell is she yelling into the microphone like that!  Paula says two words, hyphenated or something….sold-out arenas.  Simon says, ok back to reality.  <smile>  It was good, wasn’t fantastic.  You are a very good singer.  But I’m not buying the hype yet.  Keep him humble, Simon….good idea.  Seacrest makes some comment about an organ they all thought Simon had…..which of course was a ‘heart’ but Simon did his best to make Seacrest look stupid for saying that…..organ….hehehehehehehe.   We’re not five year olds, Simon…..come on.

 

So anyway, here’s what I think – top guy is Danny.  Top girl…..not a lot to choose from…..but I’m guessing Alexis Grace since she got the Kelly Comparison from Simon.  Next highest is ….I’m hoping……Roughneck, also because he got the Simon endorsement.  But it could be Ricky Bobby (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA) or Anoop de Loop Loop and I wouldn’t be surprised.

 

Vote-off is tomorrow.  Only one hour….but I’m guessing it will be chock full of filler.  YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!

 

Later gators,

Heather

Pumpkin is under the weather.  This is not good.  I don’t like to have my cat not feeling well….it’s so pathetic and sad.  The first clue that the Princess is not in tip top shape - she stops eating.  Then she just curls up and looks as annoyed as possible.  And of course I fret over her when she’s like this…I have stopped taking her to the vet immediately though.  After a few $400 bills for an upset tummy diagnosis, I figured the cat would be better off at home doing whatever she pleases to make herself feel better instead of being stuffed into a crate and then hauled out by some total stranger, prodded and poked and then stuffed back in more than likely with a big bottle of pills or pastey stuff that has to be shoved down her throat every few hours.  Princess P usually heals herself within about 36 hours.  I have a feeling she just gets too hungry to be dramatic about an upset tummy anymore….but whatever, going to the vet was clearly more for my own peace of mind than it was for her health….so I will stare at her intently to make sure she keeps breathing and wait…..

 

It is 4 pm in 24-land.  Think back to how the day started….Jack on trial.  Remember he still has that to look forward to….

 

The ambulance gets to the grocery store where Papa Taylor is bleeding to death.  Jack has to call the President….uh oh.  Bad news.

 

Kanin is trying to tell the President to stay calm….but Jack is on the phone telling her that Papa is probably going to die.  And the Butcher got away, probably trying to get out of the country.  So they’re going to need to find him pretty fast.  The President wants to go to the hospital….but Kanin thinks that’s a bad idea.  HAHAHAHA….I’m not sure she really cares what you think buddy.  RoboBill offers to take her there.  Kanin says you’re not authorized.  RoboBill wants to bring in Chloe to help with this investigation.  Kanin is very reluctant….hmmmmm….suspicious.  The President is piiiiiiiiiiiiiiissed.  No kidding lady.  If someone shot my Hubby….I’d be a bit uncontrollable too.

 

The Butcher shows up at the Girlfriend’s restaurant.  He tells her he has to leave the country.  Uh oh.  He says he’s here illegally.  The Girlfriend thinks it’s her sister that has tipped of INS.  He says he needs to leave tonight, and he wants her to come.  She says now’s not a good time.  He promises to bring the sister along, but asks the Girlfriend not to tell her Sister anything now.  He tells her they are going to Belize….is that what he said?  The Girlfriend agrees to go….what?!?!?  That’s nuts.  Can’t she tell this guy is a psychopath?  Can’t she tell something is very not right about him….who shows up like this and says I need to leave the country?  Psychopathic terrorists, that's who.  <sigh>  Everyone knows that.  And why the hell does he care about her going?  Then the Butcher gets on the phone with his super secret bad guy travel agent….he needs to get his passports and all that.

 

Agent Eye Candy and Jack are looking around the grocery store for clues.  Agent Larry calls.  He thinks Eye Candy has totally lost it….gone all “rogue” like Jack.  Larry talks about a police report he has from Mama Vossler….he’s questioning everything she’s doing now.  She’s totally got blood all over her phone and face….ewwwwwwww, that’s gross.  And Agent Larry is giving her hell.  Now Jack is asking if she’s ok.  He found an address on the PDAs lying around and they need to go.  Why’s Larry being so judgmental???  Does he realize they wouldn’t have gotten their foot out the door without Jack and his plans?  And everybody needs to stop giving Eye Candy a hard time…..in fact, stop talking to her altogether.  She has that same constipated look on her face all the time….so annoying.  I don’t want a Jack with a conscience!  That’s stupid.  I like Jack just the way he is…..give him a conscience, like Eye Candy….and he turns into a crybaby, like Eye Candy.  And that’s intolerable.

 

The Girlfriend heads back home to the meddling sister.  Awwww…I think she feels bad about abandoning her.  Cut over to Chloe and her husband!  Remember his name?  It’s Morris.  Morris the Alcoholic.  Morris was drilled in the shoulder last season and activated some nuclear bombs for some terrorists.  So he’s out of work, I’m pretty sure.  And that’s their kid!!  Oh that’s right, she was preggers before.  Is the kid Morris’?  I can’t remember.  Anyway, Chloe tells Morris that all she’s doing is running FBI ops.  The kid’s name is Prescott?  What an awful name.  So Morris says you know where to find me if you need any help…..I can totally see that coming….Morris gets to redeem himself.  Like everyone else on this show.  Tony.  Jack.  24 – Redemption. 

 

Larry is giving fake-Chloe busy work.  Larry tells her that Chloe is a consultant from Homeland, but I don’t think fake-Chloe is buying it.  Chloe tells him that he set up the network the wrong way….HAHAHAHAHAHA.  Agent Larry asks her about Jack and Chloe gets all defensive - Jack is the most trustworthy, honorable man I know.  Worry less about him and more about the mole in your office.  Yeah!  Tell him Chloe!.  Blondie recognizes Chloe.  She gives fake-Chloe the dirt on the real Chloe, that she’s been deactivated and she used to work at CTU.  Why is fake-Chloe acting so weird…. 

 

Travel agent has met up with the Butcher.  He’s going to the Cayman Islands then to Belize.  The Butcher makes sure the travel agent knows that if anything happens to him, incriminating evidence will be sent to the Justice Department.  So the travel agent calls someone.  Apparently they were planning on killing the Butcher.  So much for that idea.

 

The Sister wakes up and the Girlfriend tells her she’s leaving the country.  You get to come to!  To Belize!  For some reason, the Sister is not that happy about this.  Then Jack and Eye Candy barge in…..uh oh.  The Girlfriend claims not to know the Butcher, but the Sister rats her out.  Thanks Sis.  Now it’s time to break her heart, Jack.  She doesn’t know he’s such a bad guy.

 

At the hospital, the President shows up with an armed contingent.  The surgeon comes to talk to her.  Papa is going to be in surgery for five hours.  He tells her Papa’s chances aren’t good….oh boy.  At least she gets the chance to tell him he was right about everything.  They get like five seconds together and this may be the last time she has to see him.  That’s kind of sad.  The President tells Robobill someone needs to find my daughter and bring her here.  She has a daughter?  I think Tony has a new mission.  The daughter doesn’t speak to her mom, so someone else has to go.

 

Eye Candy is showing the Girlfriend nasty pictures of the Butcher butchering people.  She’s in tears and kind of hysterical but Jack says they need her help.  Where are you going to meet him?  Of course she doesn’t know and then the phone rings and now the Girlfriend is totally hyperventilating….my Hubby would know immediately that something was wrong if I sounded like this on the phone.  The Butcher thinks something is wrong too, but she says oh I was just fighting with my sister.  Jack tells Eye Candy we need to use the Girlfriend as bait but the Sister is having none of it.  No arguing.  The Girlfriend knows immediately that it’s the right thing to do.  Jack calls Chloe to track the cell phone and Chloe gets in another dig about how messed up the FBI’s network is…hehehehehehe. 

 

Fake-Chloe is starting to get suspicious of Agent Larry and all his sneaking around.  Especially now that she can’t override the system.  Now she’s acting suspicious.  Why is everyone acting so suspicious???  Am I just being paranoid???

 

So this must be the daughter.  This actress looks familiar, I think she was in a sci-fi show not too long ago.  Aaron!!  Aaron was a secret service agent a million years, he was in last season for about three seconds.  Anyway, he’s the one that shows up to pick up the daughter, not Tony.  Aaron tells her Papa has been shot and is in the hospital.  And that’s when she loses the attitude.  Seriously?  Of all the things to be a jerk about….you’re upset that Mommy is the President?  Wow….just grow up already.  Of course I say that knowing that if my mom was the President I’d want to beat my head into a wall…..but whatever…..moving on.

 

Fake-Chloe is talking to the Back-stabber.  She is asking for some kind of key….some kind of computer thing I don’t understand and now she starts blackmailing him about his cheatin’ ways to get this key thingy.  She tells him she thinks Agent Larry brought in Chloe to replace her….oh honey….please don’t thinks you can pull one over on Chloe.  And what a stupid excuse for extorting the key thingy from Back-stabber.  Now I totally don’t trust her.  Back-stabber calls her a bitch and she calls him one right back.  Girlfriend hugs the Sister…probably for the last time.  Sister tells Eye Candy to keep the Girlfriend safe…oh good, she needed more guilt.  Then just for good measure she starts arguing with Jack again.  He tells her innocent people get hurt sometimes.  That’s reality.  Yeah.  So Chloe has to direct them on how to follow the Girlfriend because the FBI’s network is such a piece of crap.

 

Fake-Chloe is in the death basement/server room of the FBI….where people go to die, bludgeoned on the back of the head by someone you would never expect, accessing some IT thing.  Hang on.  Is SHE the mole?!?!? 

 

Girlfriend is in the car on her way to the Butcher.  Chloe is telling Jack and Eye Candy where to go…what’s this?  Fake-Chloe is eavesdropping and then she pulls the plug.  OH NO….now Chloe can’t track anything!!!  Then the grid comes back up.  Chloe knows something is up.  Then the cops surround Jack and Eye Candy.  Somebody from the FBI called in a warrant…..probably Fake-Chloe.  She tells Back-stabber, very nonchalantly, that Chloe is doing some kind of covert operation but she’s not here to replace her.  Then Back-stabber calls someone…and we finally find out that he’s the guy.  He’s the mole.  I KNEW IT!!  I KNEW this guy couldn’t be trusted.  So now Back-stabber knows that if the Butcher doesn’t get away, he’ll get caught too.  Good.  I hope you do, jerk.

 

The Butcher gets a call from the travel agent who tells him the Girlfriend got turned by the FBI…he offers to get the driver to “take care of her” in that whole murder secret code that bad guys speak.  But the Butcher wants to "take care of her" himself.  DRAMA!!

 

Later gators,

Heather

 

 

It’s that time of year.  Football is over.  The days are slowly getting longer.  Time for SURVIVOR!!  That’s right.  Survivor is back on.  This is one of my favorite shows ever.  Aside from the misery of seeing dreams crushed for all eternity in American Idol…it gives me no end of pleasure to see these everyday people suffering in the elements….by choice!  Starving, getting eaten alive by bugs and other gross nature things, trying to co-exist with other crabby pissy humans….it’s awesome.  We have seen every single season and this one is no exception.  So let’s get to it.

 

This season Jeffy poo and all the contestant Survivor wannabes are in Brazil.  Some place called Tocantins.  It’s in the middle of Brazil….the very center.  I looked it up.  We start the show with Jeffy and all the posers on some truck in the outback.  Jeffy tells us that they have already been divided into two teams….with names I naturally cannot pronounce or hope to coming even close to spelling correctly.  So we’ll call them Jellybelly and Timber.  These people are going to be abandoned in the middle of nowhere for 39 days.  There are 16 of them…but only one Survivor.  Jeffy makes the same speech every season. 

 

We met a few people right off the bat – Erin with two n’s, Spiky hair Tyson, Steven with a ph, the old Bus Driver Sandy, Sickie Sierra and the Longhaired Coach, Spencer, Sydney, Joe, Caroleena, JT, Taj, Debbie, Jerry, Brendan and Candace.

 

So the truck is loaded with supplies and the teams have 60 seconds to get as much off as they can….it’s total chaos.  I love it.  It seems obvious that in order to….I don’t know…..survive, you would want…oh, I don’t know…..food and water.  <shrug>  That may be slightly overrated…..or not.  But apparently, Jellybelly didn’t think they needed any.  It’s 110 degrees outside and that may be scrambling their brains…..and now the teams have to trek 4 hours to get to camp.  Wow…..that suuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks.  This whole “trekking” idea is why I will never be on this show.  Not to mention the nature part.  And the starving part.  <shaking my head>  That just doesn’t sound like a real good time to me….And just when you think you know what is about to happen, Jeffy poo throws a wrench in the whole thing.  First vote.  Before they leave.  Hehehehehehehehehe….someone is seriously going home before they even start?  Before they say more than three words to everyone?  NooOOOOooooooo….they wouldn’t do that?  Would they?

 

It’s Bus Driver Sandy and the Sickie Sierra that get the votes.  Sandy because she’s old and Sierra because she’s sick.  They’re both upset….because they think they’re going home.  But they’re not.  They get to go on a helicopter ride to the campsite….and Sandy starts laughing about it.  Jeffy points out that laughing might not be the way to go here.

 

So off the teams go in the blazing heat….hoping they don’t melt before they get to camp.  We start with Jellybelly.  Spencer is hot…and I mean literally hot.  Not figuratively.  He’s 19 and thinks he’s the youngest contestant ever to be on the show….he might be right.  What’s a 19 year old gonna do with a million dollars?  JT is 24 and he’s from Alabama and he’s used to the heat.  Steven with a ph is a New York Jew, which is how he described himself.  The label said he’s a corporate consultant….so he clearly doesn’t need the money at all.

 

Over at Timber, we learn that Erin with two n’s is a hairstylist and she’s already wondering what she’s doing here….honey, it’s been like five minutes…..hold yourself together.  Jerry is a sergeant in the Army, just back from Afghanistan.  I think he’s probably used to the heat.  Coach….who I don’t think actually has a name….is a symphony director and a college soccer coach.  He calls himself a renaissance man….which is annoying.  I already don’t like him.  Anyone who calls themselves a ‘renaissance man’…..that’s just stupid.  Coach talks to Brendan about only keeping the strong people on their team…which makes sense to me, but Brendan thinks Coach is a putz too. 

 

Sandy the Bus Driver gets to the camp and starts crying.  She’s kind of annoying too….then she finds out that she has the option of looking for an idol or building camp.  And naturally, she chooses to look for the idol.  Because she hates her team for thinking she’s old and knows this is the only way to stay on the island.  Hmmmm….way to think ahead there Sandy.  That’s good strategy.

 

Sierra gets to her camp and we find out that she’s a model.  Aha…okay.  Should have eaten a few cheeseburgers before coming out here to starve yourself.  Sierra thinks that she can gain some favor with the team by building some shelter….and she’s right, of course.  But I think they may find her crushed under some of those leaves she’s holding….this girl doesn’t look very sturdy at all.

 

Sandy is a little nuts we find out when we get the chance to watch her search for the idol….Jellybelly sees the flag and realizes that she hasn’t done anything the entire time which irritates Caroleena.  Yes, it’s spelled Carolina….but you say it like Caroleena.  She’s a bartender and I can already tell she’s gonna have trouble keeping her mouth shut. 

 

Timber finally gets to their camp when it’s dark and everybody is thrilled to have the shelter built….except No-name Coach who still thinks Sierra needs to go.

 

Cut back over to Jellybelly and now they’re building a shelter.  Caroleena is bossing people around and that just never goes well.  Has this woman ever actually watched the show before?  Sandy finds another clue and then can’t figure out what a ‘pace’ is or see the only palm tree on the entire beach.  This is a train wreck.  In slow motion.  Everybody thinks she’s being antisocial….not looking good for the bus driver.

 

Over at Timber, Tyson who is a Mormon, gets naked and goes for a swim.  Just to be funny.  Sierra thought it was hi-larious…which I’m not so sure Tyson should be happy about but whatever….Tyson is kind of creepy looking….but he does get his clothes back on in time for…..

 

The First Challenge.  The teams have to run across the beach into the water and retrieve some planks that two other team members have to use to build stairs…but it’s like a puzzle.  Not the only puzzle though, once the stairs are built two other team members have to navigate some dangly thing through a maze to the end to raise their team flag.  Sound simple, right?  If they win, they get fire and immunity.  Both worth having.  They are both pretty much neck and neck…but Loud Mouth Caroleena is struggling.  Jeffy poo announces that it’s only 120 degrees outside, no biggy.  120 DEGREES.  Where are they?!?!?!  HELL?!?!?!?  Let me guess….it’s a dry heat, right?  No way….there is no way I would ever put myself through this…..I would just curl up in a ball and wait to die if I had to just stand around in this weather....let's not even talk about doing stuff in this weather.  I can’t stand heat….and I’m talking about a humid summer afternoon in loverly Germantown….not 120 DEGREES.  That’s just insane.  Jellybelly pulls ahead and starts their maze first.  But then Timber pulls even and then they win.  Sorry not to make it more suspenseful….but if you want suspense, you should have watched the show yourself you lazy jerks. 

 

So anyway, back at the Jellybelly camp, Sydney doesn’t want to vote for Sandy because she worked really hard in the challenge.  Loud Mouth Caroleena is getting all chatty in a really annoying way, telling everyone they need to finish stuff around the camp.  So Taj tells her to take it down a notch.  Spencer thinks the Bus Driver should stay too.  Wow….none of the boys like the Loud Mouth even though she has big cans. 

 

So it’s time for Tribal Council.  Everybody gets their torch and their fire and Jeffy makes his normal speeches.  Blah blah blah and then he asks Sandy if she’s crazy….yeah, because we’re all kind of wondering that.  Maybe she should ask him what a pace is….<shaking my head>….So it’s time to vote.  Hard to talk a lot about this because I don’t know these people well yet….but Sandy got the first vote and the Loud Mouth got the rest of them.  Babye Caroleena.  The lesson you should have learned a little faster…..boys aren’t nearly as impressed with your boobs out here in the wilderness as they may have been in the bar.  Sorry.

 

Ok….now I wish we could see another episode right away….that went by way too fast.  The Amazing Race starts this weekend….but no blog on that.  I do have a life.  And a job.  I can’t be on this stinkin’ computer all day!!  <smile>

 

Later gators,

Heather

So here we are again.  Time to whittle the kiddies down to 36 people for America to vote on.  I think they must not trust the American Public to make good decisions....which is why this seems to be lasting for an eternity.  Seacrest keeps saying things like final judgment and final cut.  And it all sounds very final to me.  The kiddies are at some Hollywood mansion to get the news.  I wonder if that is Simon's house?  It's very pretty....in that gawdy Hollywood way. 

 

So the kiddies have to walk through the entire house up to this sitting room where it looks like the judges are at the Mad Hatter's Tea Party in these ridiculously oversized chairs.  Up first is Anoop Snoop de Loop.  Kara tells him after making it sound like they weren't sure, and it might not be good, and blah blah blah.  Anoop is #1.

 

Then we get to see Von Smith.  I may have been spelling his name wrong in the past....because I have never seen it spelled this way, but whatever.  This is the guy that Simon called an indulgent child.  Hehehehehe....he says he went against what mommy and daddy thought and made his own decision about the last song.  Simon says it was that decision that made up our minds....and you're through.  The Indulgent Child is #2.

 

And then we find out that AI8 will involve a new twist in this final final cut show.  A "sing-off"....like AI's version of a dance-off....like this is West Side Story or something.  The first sing off is between creepy horror movie kid Coty and Alex Hyphenated-What's-His-Name.  Coty was ok....clearly not ready to sing and picked a weird song.  Alex sounded a lot better.  And Alex made it through, he's #3.  Seacrest felt it necessary to point out how awkward this was for both of them since they became such "good friends" on the show.  Hehehehehehe....something tells me that friendship is officially over.

 

Adam the Music Theater Pseudo Rocker is up next.  Simon says we based our decision on whether we think you can win and whether we think you can be a recording artist.  Adam....with the black nail polish.....is #4.

 

16 year old Taylor is #5

Jasmine is #6

Ariana is #7

Casey is #8

Megan is #9

Mishavonna is #10

And Stevie is #11

 

And yes, they flew through these so fast, I have nothing else to say about any of it.

 

Joanna....who kept forgetting her words....is crying buckets.  She's #12.

 

And then we finally get to see a few of the people booted out.  TK, Chris and Reggi....and the fact that I had no idea these people even auditioned....probably was a good sign they were going home.

 

Kendall Beard is up next to the tea party,  Poor thing is shaking like a leaf and that heartless wench Paula is draaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagging this out and finally says yes and man, she is awful.  Kendall is lucky #13.

 

Tall Blonde Jen (who was apparently here singing with her husband who got booted out in the last round) is in a sing off with Christine.  Christine is the one I don't like because my spidey sense says that she is one of those pretend-I'm-nice mean people.  Jen sounded ok, but I think Christine may have sounded better.  Simon asks, so is it the attractive blonde or the other one?  Which is hysterical since they're both blonde, and obviously everyone knows he's talking about Jen being the attractive one.  Nice, Simon.  Very nice.  Kara thinks Jen did not connect with the song.  Paula tells Christine her look is off-putting.  And then again with that deer-in-the-headlights look....<sigh>.....Simon says, Christine you're through but I completely disagree.  I'm glad he said that.  Put the little piranha in her place.  So she's #14.

 

Alexis Grace, mommy with the cute pixie haircut, is #15.

 

Blind Scott is #16....and he looked genuinely happy without being annoyingly screamy about it.  And yes, to be totally politically incorrect but practically realistic....being blind will get him a lot of votes.

 

Lil Rounds (Motel Family) is #17.  But Simon reminds her to pay attention to who else was put through.  He likes her, calls her a good old fashioned singer.  I think he's right, and I think she'll do well.

 

Felicia, Ashley and Devon are going home and again, I have no idea who these people are or if they ever even auditioned.  They're probably extras AI puts in just to shoot these rejection scenes for all I know....

 

Then we have another stupid sing-off.  This one is between Frankie and Jessie.  And Frankie, who I like a lot....she's the one who looks like Amy Winehouse, not on crack....the one with the kid....yeah, she did awful.  Jessie sounded better but Simon said you picked a horrible song.  I guess it didn't matter what song she picked because she's #18.  And then Simon turns to Frankie and says, you wouldn't have won anyway.  Ouch!  Pull that hatchet out of her back Simon.....that was harsh!  And you're not supposed to be mean to people I like....that's not how it's supposed to work.  Bad Simon!

 

Two more no's were Shera and Derik.  I don't even know if I got their names right.  Oh well.  Doesn't matter.

 

Red haired Allison who is 16....they only point how old you are if you're 16....she's #19 on the show.

 

Then it's time for BFF's Danny and Jamar.  Jamar says, we'll support each other no matter what.  And after seeing all the sickeningly sacharin sweet fake "friends" on this show.....it's refreshing to see two kids who are quite clearly buds.  I believe Jamar will support Danny, and he's gonna have to because Ironman is #20.  But Jamar is going home.  Lots of surprise in the holding room on this one, but I'm not surprised.  I am surprised that Kara said no with a smile on her face....like she was gonna say yes.....how evil!  Poor Danny looks pissed.  I think he was counting on his friend being with him through the entire competition.  Better to let him go now Danny....you would have always done better than him.

 

Ricky Bobby is #21.  That is obviously not his name....but whatever it is....it is hilariously close to that.

Matt is #22.

Ju-not is #23.

Jorge is #24.

Brent is #25.  I do remember this guy from his first audition because he's a good looking guy but that was the last time they showed him...

 

Steven with a ph is up next.  Remember Ste-ffffffffffffffffffffff-en totally gave up on his last song, walking away from the keyboard when he forgot the words for the second time.  I thought that was enough to get him booted out.  But I have clearly not been drinking the tea at this party because Steven with a ph is #26.

 

Nick Norman has to sit through his moment of judgment now.  And you really just have to shake your head at this guy.  I'm surprised but also kind of happy he made it this far.  We are in Wonderland after all and they are plenty of mushrooms to go around.  Nick Norman is being kind of serious with the judges and Kara is complaining that she misses the schtick.  Is that Yiddish?  Schtick?  Hehehehehehe....anyway, Simon makes it clear that he has never changed his mind about Nick Norman.  And Nick Stormin Norman explains that his dream, as corny as it sounds, is to sing and make people smile with his humor....or some kind of nonsense like that and then Paula goes.....after her head rotates a complete 360 degrees around on her neck....well, just because you said that, you're through.  He is #27.  <pause>  I give up.

 

Jackie is #28.  And I can slowly feel the Earth tilting back on its axis.  A little more normal...

 

Now it's time to hear what is going to happen to the Devil Woman.  I hate this girl even more...which I am not sure is physically possible....after Paula gives her a ring.....argh......Simon clearly can't stand this girl and says try not to be so annoying.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Yes.  Please try.  Then he says, this was not unanimous.  She is #29.

 

 

 

Ok, moving right along.  Now Nathaniel and his fake best new friend Jack are in a sing-off.  And Nathaniel has a sob story of his own....shocker.....about how his mom was an addict and he's lived with almost every single member of his family....and waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah....let's all cry him a river.  And then build him a boat so he can sail away.  Simon says to this kid, what ARE you wearing?  when he walks in....he does have that British punk rock thing going on....but he's kind of pudgy and it doesn't really work.  Not even in a totally fabulous way.  Nathaniel sounds good....Jack sounded ok.  So obviously because the world hates me or karma is getting back at me for being such a hateful person....Nathaniel is #30.

 

Jeanine is #31....I don't remember her at all.

Kai with the sick mom is #32.  I'm rooting for this guy....but I don't know.

Ann Marie is #33.  I got a whistle out of the Hubby on that one.  I think I may have just found a good reason to get him to watch....hehehehehehe.

Chris with a k is #34....don't really remember this guy either.

 

Then Seacrest tells us that the Roughneck and the Welder are going to be in a Sing-off.  Awwwwwwwwwwww...that's no good.  I like both of them.

 

Then...back from the break....Seacrest says, these are the last two to discover their fate.  What?  I give the Hubby a 'look' at this point in the show.  You see, he knew that they were letting 36 kiddies through because I explained it to him at the beginning.  And he also knows what number we're on because I have been counting them down as we go....kind of like counting down the time to the end of the show.  So when Seacrest says, two left....we're on #34....and I look at the Hubby.........<pause>.............he just shakes his head and kind of smiles and says, they didn't think anybody would be counting.  They didn't.  They most certainly did not.  So this whole sing-off charade is much less stressful now.  I don't even listen to their songs.  Lots of yes ma'ams from the Roughneck though...and the Hubby and I spent the last couple minutes applauding AI for putting two blue collar Everyman's on the show.  America, in this economic climate, will vault these guys to the atmosphere if they can....guaranteed.  Two hardworking guys with families?  Who can actually sing?!?  You don't need to be a rocket surgeon to figure that one out.  <wink>

 

So that's it.  That's the list.  Seacrest explains that the kiddies will be auditioning for us in groups of 12 and we get to vote each and every night.  WOOHOO.  The real show starts next week.  Finally.

 

Later gators,

Heather

It's round 3 of hell week.  Or rather hell two weeks....since they're dragging this out longer than normal.  We're in the Kodak Theater for the room by room elimination round.  This elimination is based on one last opportunity for all the remaining kiddies to sing in front of the judges....sing whatever they want to sing and use instruments if they want to or not.  Whatever they want.  And whenver it's whatever they want....it's never good.  So we'll see.  I have no idea what the other judges are wearing because Paula keeps distracting me with that tire rim necklace she's got on.  They show us the judges deliberating and dividing the kiddies up into "rooms".  And then we flashback to the actual auditions....

 

Adam the Musical Theater pseudo-rockstar is singing first and he thinks now would be a good time to break out a little Cher.  I think this is the worst idea I have ever heard.  And then I hear him sing 'Believe'...and I am convinced this is the worst idea ever.  He sounded like a drag queen doing a Cher impersonation.  I thought it stunk.  Kara doesn't like him.

 

Moving on to the next audition they decide to share - Matt.  Matt has big dumbo ears like Elliott from one of the past seasons...you remember Elliott right?  So anyway, Matt is playing the keyboard and singing Georgia on My Mind.  Despite the fact that Matt is just about the dorkiest looking kid I have ever seen....the song sounds really good.

 

Then Jamar...Danny's BFF....comes out to sing in his little hip hop outfit with all that metal in his face.  <shiver>  Seriously?  When does jabbing pins in your face ever start to sound like a good idea?  I don't know what he was singing, but it was kind of kooky and kind of fun.  It sounded good, not great, but Paula likes him.

 

Then Danny...Jamar's BFF....sings and Simon is smiling through the whole thing.  I think this guy has a chance to win this show.  Mr. Robert Downey Jr.  Ironman.  With your cute little glasses....like a superhero disguise.  And people will want to vote for him because he's a widow and no one that young should ever be a widow.  He sings 'I Hope You Dance'...or whatever the name of that song is....he is adorable and it was wonderful.

 

Anoop Snoop de Loop comes out next and sings My Prerogative.  I hate that word - prerogative....because you don't pronounce it pre...you pronounce it per....and it never looks like it's spelled right.  Anyway, this guy can sing, no doubt.  He has some lungs....but again, another dork.

 

Jorge Nunez auditioned next and I just can't get a read on this guy.  I have no idea if I like him or not...

 

Blind Scott sang next, at the piano and sang a Daughtry song which was a very interesting choice.  Especially considering he doesn't really have a Daughtry voice.  But, if I had never heard the original....his version would have sounded very good.  Paula gives him a standing ovation....because she's a sadistic, heartless woman....Scott can't see you Paula.  How many times do we have to explain?

 

Country Kendall sang next.  This blonde Texan is country singer through and through.  I like her....but that may be because I like country music.  The Hubby was groaning during the whole performance.

 

Stevie 16 is singing next.  I have appended her age onto her name, because this is the first thing Randy or anybody says about her.  Yes.  We know her age.  Stop telling us.  I bet she knows her age too.  Anyway, she's very good and very cute.

 

Lil Rounds with the motel family is singing next.  She sounds like she's kind of yelling to me....but come on.  With a name like that what else could she do?

 

Christine is next and I don't really like this girl.  Maybe it's her trailer park trashy hair or the fact that Nancy yelled at her and she acted all innocent on us.  She seems like she would stab you in the back in a heartbeat and then twist the knife around to make sure it did maximum damage.  Don't argue with me on this one boys....girls can sense these kind of things.  I don't know what she sang or if she even sounded good.  I spent the whole performance thinking about how much I hated her....and the Hubby refused to rewind the DVR.

 

Mishavonna is singing now and who the hell is this girl?  I guarantee you I would have remembered a name like Mishavonna....well....maybe I did write about her but I don't remember which means she wasn't very memorable...and she still isn't.  Pretty good though.  Certainly not the worst of the day.

 

Then it's Tatiana.  I'm going to start calling this girl Devil Woman.  Because I hate her.  I hate everything about her.  And I hate her.  It didn't sound good to me at all....but that may have been because I hate her.

 

Alexis Grace was ok.  Kenny Hoffpauer was ok.  And no....his completely ridiculous last name did not escape me.  I will call him Huffalump if he makes it through.  Jasmine was ok too.

 

Nathaniel the Drama Queen was up next and man....I really hate him too.  This kid couldn't cry more if someone doused him with pepper spray while he was chopping an onion.  He's playing the guitar.  And he was probably crying by the end of it.  I took this opportunity to go into the kitchen and get myself a drink.  The Devil Woman had already worn down my dangerously low tolerance for annoying people....and not wanting to give the Hubby any excuse to change the channel, I decided walking away for a moment would be a better alternative than harping on about how much I hate this guy.  Man....<shaking my head>....I really hate him.

 

Joanna is singing next.  She is really pretty...but she forgot the words and that's pretty much a death sentence.  And she's singing in this gaspy mumbling voice....because she forgot the words, I know....but it sounds like she's having an asthma attack.  Very unfortunate.

 

Casey forgot the words too....uh oh.  Must be contagious.

 

Then Steven with a ph forgot the words too.  Even after he explained to the camera the night before how easy his song was to remember.  Whoops.  Even worse for him was he asked to start over....then forgot the words again and then just gave up.  Not good Steven with a ph.  Not good.

 

Nick Norman is singing now and how in the holy hell is this guy still on the show?  He does have a good voice.  And he is hi-larious.  But come on....let's be serious.  He sings Georgia on My Mind too and he's so funny, he yells out to Seacrest during the show.  And Simon despises him.    <chuckle>

 

So the judges have made up their minds....but we need to drag this out for the entire two hours.  So here are some more auditions -

 

Ann Marie sang I Hope You Dance.  Too.  So many people sang that song.  She is beautiful and has a beautiful voice.  I think she's pretty much a lock.

 

Ju'not.  Ju'not?  Huh?  Who is this guy?  Did I write about him before?  I think I'm going insane with some of these people....I swear this is the first time I'm seeing some of them....he was pretty good though.  And I like his name.  I wonder if it means anything.....

 

Then they move Tatiana into another room.  Jesus.....please make sure she is in the loser room.  I'll never swear again as long as I live if you please just make sure the Devil Woman does not go through. 

 

And now it's announcement time.  Wait!  Draaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaging it out even longer....here's some more auditions -

 

Kaylon sang and Simon ended her song kind of abruptly.  And kind of early.  That would have upset me too, sweetheart,

 

Homeless Laneesha is singing now and I thought she did really well.

 

Kai on the guitar (sick mom sob story) was trying to sing but his voice was pretty much gone.

 

Roughneck Michael sang next and wowee I like this guy.  Simon was smiling during his performance....but Roughneck seems to be in a Bad Room and that makes me nervous.

 

Ok....now it really is decision time.  Simon has to catch a flight out of here so he won't be around for the announcements.  First up is Room 2.  The judges go on and on and you just know whenever they do this, that it's a yes and it is.  This show is so predictable.  Alexis Grace, Joanna, Kai, Ariana, Nathaniel (booooooooooooooooooooo), Roughneck and Jasmine were all in that room.  Then they move on to Room 3.  Room 3 is a Bad Room.  They're all going home, including India, Kaylon and Laneesha.  Oh.....what?  They're sending a sob story home?  See?!?!?!  See what I mean about sob stories....this girl has less than nothing to go home to and now you care and now you're upset that she didn't make it.  Hate this show.  Moving on to Room 1 and the judges trying to be dramatic has just gone over into the realm of absurdity....they made it - Anoop, Jackie, Danny, Jamar and Scott.  One last room to go see.  That's Room 4 in case you weren't keeping track.  The Devil Woman is in this room.  Lord hear my prayer.  She starts having a yelpy panic attack and begins screeching out really noncoherent things....and then the Bald Welder raises his hand and is like, so that's a no?  And Paula says, no it's a yes.  Me, personally....I would have been like, YOU BITCH!  But the kiddies are relieved and I am happy for them for about 2.8 seconds before I realize that the banshee crying Devil Woman has made it through too.  S**T. 

 

And tomorrow....we're going to do it all over again.

 

Later gators,

Heather

“The rules are what make us better.”

 

Technology has failed me gentle reader.  I will never trust it again.  The DVR did not record this show like it was supposed to which forced me to watch it on the computer…..which is not something I particularly enjoy doing.  I mean seriously….the DVR was programmed to record…..and it didn’t.  Like it just decided arbitrarily to not record because it wasn’t feeling up to it that night.  A “series recording” means the DVR records all the shows….regardless.  I am annoyed that my TV has become so temperamental and even more annoyed because I pay a gross amount of money to use that DVR and expect that it can read my mind and I don’t know….work occasionally that way it is supposed to.  What is the world coming to when we stop trusting in technology to take care of us like this?  It’s anarchy.  Plain and simple.  It also reminds me of a time when I would have had to record this show on an VHS tape using my VCR…..thank God I don’t have to do that anymore because I hardly ever got that right…..I just hope this does not become a frequent occurrence.  I would rather poke my eyes out than have to worry about the DVR recording things it is supposed to record.  <pause>  Ok, ok.  That is a slight exaggeration.  But I just wanted to make sure I properly conveyed to you my level of frustration.  Now that you understand….let’s get on to the show.

 

It’s three o’ clock in 24 land.  If you remember from the last episode, Mutobo is on his way to meet the President in private to tell her about the conspiracy.  Papa Taylor has been kidnapped by the Butcher.  The Other Bad SS…whose name is Vossler or something like that brings Papa Taylor to the Butcher.  The President announces to the country in a press conference that everything is ok and now we’re attacking the fake country of Sangala.  And the Butcher is headed to his new super secret hideout in the back of a grocery store.  He tells Papa that he better hope his wife loves him enough to call of the invasion….hehehehehe….wow. 

 

The President finds out that Jack was helping….what huh?  She’s confused.  Come on lady, Jack has always been a good guy.  Mutobo says nothing is what it seems.  AHA!  That explains everything.  Now she gets to meet the Mod Squad.  Jack explains the conspiracy.  RoboBill tells her that everyone was working to get the Device.  Agent Eye Candy says, they’re telling you the truth…nice of her to finally back them up.  Then Jack says we have to get the Butcher without involving the FBI or Homeland Security.  Then the Butcher calls.  I’ve got your husband….Papa says don’t worry about me.  The Butcher says stop the invasion and give me Mutobo.  She says, oh no you wouldn’t….so he cuts off a finger.  That is so gross.  Fingers get cut off all the time on this show.  Now Kanin says, you have to stop the invasion…..hmmmmm…..I’m still not sure about him.  But then the President says I have to make sacrifices too…..wow….she has a heart of ice.  So Jack says, let me help you and she says, how do I know I can trust you?  And he says…..this is awesome…..Ask around.  HAHAHAHAHAHA.  LOVE IT!!  Of course she agrees.

 

Agent Eye Candy thinks she can get Agent Larry to help them.  Well….won’t this be a surprise.  What a shock to poor Larry.  Agent Eye Candy explains he has to keep quiet.  I think Larry might be a tad jealous….but of course he helps.  Agent Eye Candy says we need the Bad SS’ phone records.

 

Back at the FBI, Back-stabber is annoyed that he doesn’t know the whole story.  Blondie says, but what about us?  And now Back-stabber is acting all annoyed….and Fake-Chloe comes over and says you moron.  Stop being so obvious.  Hehehehehe….that’s more like the real Chloe. 

 

Larry meets Eye Candy and Jack….and he tries to hold himself together….kind of unsuccessfully.  Jack interrupts the beautiful reunion.  They find out about Vossler.  Jack says, does that guy have a family.  Jack says go get the family…the only way to get him to cooperate is to threaten the fam.  Eye Candy says…whoa….hold the phone….that’s crossing the line.  And Jack is like, wake up.  Nobody is following your rules.  So Eye Candy agrees.  Then Larry turns on Jack, she won’t end up like you! he says…..but Jack won’t hear any of it.  He’s on a mission.

 

Back at the super secret evil grocery hideout, Papa is bleeding to death.  The Butcher says just make sure he doesn’t bite his tongue off if he goes into shock.  Well then….how compassionate.  The Girlfriend calls and is like, hey you still coming over for dinner?  Sorry hon, too busy blackmailing the President right now, I’m gonna need a rain check.  The meddling sister of course thinks the Butcher is a putz…..because sisters have instincts like that. 

 

Kanin tries to convince the President that they can appear to meet the Butcher’s demands and turn over Mutobo for Papa…RoboBill is still in the White House trying to help and keep everyone calm with that awesomely apathetic way he has about him.  Larry says Vossler is on the Beltway.  Really?  On the beltway….near DC…..at around 3?  That guy should be sitting in traffic!  And Larry just won’t stop talking about Agent Eye Candy.  Dude….she’s over you….Jack is the new man in her life.  All the girls love bad boys.

 

Agent Eye Candy gets to Vossler’s house and pulls a gun on Mommy and the kid.  Wow….she has turned a corner hasn’t she?  I still don’t like her because she’s just too squeamish about it all.  Cut back over to Jack who is now trying to intercept Vossler on the ever-so-easy-to-navigate streets of DC….so he turns down a one-way street, going the wrong way, talking on a cell phone and manages not to kill himself in a car wreck.  Come on…..that is so totally unbelievable.  I mean, I believe the President’s husband could actually be kidnapped before I believe this driving stunt could actually happen!  So Jack smashes into the guy’s car, pulls him into an alley and starts screaming at him like only Jack Bauer can.  He gets Eye Candy on the phone and says, ok now….torture the baby.  Huh.  That is pretty cruel….but it’s not like she’s actually doing it.  Mommy is screaming….and of course Vossler gives in and tells Jack what he needs to know in like three seconds.  Then he tries to get away and Jack has to kill him….you know…..because Eye Candy didn’t feel bad enough already.  Mommy calls her a monster.  See?  Now you know how Jack feels pretty much all the time….THEN just in case you haven’t been pushed over the edge of suspending disbelief….Jack carjacks something nice and expensive.  Seriously?  This is the luckiest and unluckiest guy in the world….

 

At the White House, they have decided to stall the Butcher by delivering a double of Mutobo.  <shaking my head>  I guarantee you that won’t work out well.

 

Jack tells Eye Candy that Vossler is dead and now she feels really terrible.  Jack tells her to pull it together, they have the address for Papa.  She says, I don’t know if I can do this.  And he’s like, well then go home already and get out of my life.  Actually, he was nicer about it….but I am so annoyed at this woman.  Lose the conscience already, lady….we’re trying to save the country today.

 

Back-stabber gets a note from Blondie and is still pissed that he doesn’t know everything that is going on.  And Larry won’t talk to him.  Hehehehehe….that’s because you’re such a prick Back-stabber.  Then Larry finds out that Vossler is dead and he’s like, see!  Jack is poisoning you against me!  Which is not what he really said….but you know that’s what he meant….and Eye Candy is like, sorry Larry….I am mesmerized by Bauer and now must do everything he says without question.  Lots of hesitation, but without question.

 

So the Meddling Sister calls the Butcher and says leave my sister alone you big fat liar.  She had some guy at the INS look him up and knows he’s not here legally….oh wow….if you only knew.  She says, break up with my sister and I won’t say anything.  Hehehehehehehe…hell hath no fury like a protective sister.

 

So the fake Mutobo gets to the power plant (another power plant?) and they try to stall, but nobody is buying it.  So the President is like, get them out of there!  Retreat!  Retreat!  But too late…they blow the car up.

 

Jack and Eye Candy get to the grocery store to get Papa.  The Butcher finds out that they were double-crossed at the power plant and tells the guys at the super secret hideout to go ahead and kill Papa.  Someone in the hideout sees Eye Candy, of course…she’s not as lucky as Jack….and now they’re in a gun fight.  Everybody gets killed, but not before Papa gets shot in the chest.  Or stomach.  Or chest….I couldn’t really tell.  This poor guy…..he’s been paralyzed, thrown over a balcony, finger chopped off and now shot.

 

The episode ends with Jack screaming – get an ambulance!!  Oh my oh my.  What drama!

 

Later gators,

\Heather

 

Tonight is Round Two of Hell Week.  There are 107 kiddies left to torture.  I gotta tell you….tonight had better be a whole lot better than last night, because that was really disappointing.

 

Since I’m writing this the next day, suspend disbelief for a few seconds gentle reader and jump ahead in time with me.  I have discovered a new quite brilliant reason to despise the Columbia Columns some more.  Aside from their ridiculous bumper sticker mottos.  There is a free coffee promo going on right now, courtesy of McDonalds.  And yes, McD’s coffee is very good.  They changed it a few years ago and now it is actually pretty tasty.  Better than Starbucks, honestly.  I mean….if you like your coffee brutal.  If you like it to slap you in the face in the morning….if you want to pay five bucks for a teeny tiny cup of java……then get it at Starbucks.  Dunkin Donuts is of course the best….but they’re charging an arm and a leg for a cup now too….and since I don’t have too many of those to spare, I usually make my own.  But everybody likes free, right?  So I saw this commercial on the boob tube and figured well hell….might as well take advantage of this while it lasts.  So yesterday, I got my free cup of coffee in loverly Germantown before heading into Columbia.  This morning….I waited to stop until I got into Columbia….or Ellicott City…..or wherever the hell I am.  And guess what?  Not free.  No.  $1.37 is not even close to being free for a medium cup of coffee.  And of course I have no cash….since I thought it would be free I didn’t feel the need to dig around for change…..and so now on top of being annoyed that my coffee is not as free as I expected it to be….now I have to charge $1.37 on my credit card.  I know I shouldn’t care about this….but it feels like a putzy move.  Like I’m telling the McD’s cashier….I’m too good for cash.  I generally don’t EVER charge things that are less than $5 because it makes me anxious.  And it makes me feel like a putz.  A putz who just paid for coffee.  So I will be “buying” coffee in Germantown from now on….or at least until the end of February when the promo ends.  I should be out of Columbia shortly after that....looking forward to my next job in Rockville…..hopefully the Rocks will understand good business practices like giving stuff away for free…..

 

Ok, so back to American Idol.  Seacrest explains that tonight is about tears, triumphs and tragedies.  <evil grin>  Good.  I am ready for some carnage.  It’s group singing night, after all.  And you know what that means?  It means back-stabbing and crocodile tears and theatrics.  This is the best opportunity to get to see which kids are drama queens and which ones can work hard.  Which ones need sleep and which ones are babies.  So it’s 9:30 at night at the end of round one and the kiddies are informed that they need to get into groups.  And naturally you have some people standing around without a group.  Hippy Orphan Rose is one of them….people who do not naturally conform to group dynamics are not necessarily the losers they look like, by the way.  Some people are just loners….independent….they do not need or rely on other people to hold them up…..oh, who am I kidding?  They’re losers.  Human beings are supposed to be in groups.  That is how we naturally coexist.  And poor Rose….since a group does not magically appear around her…she uses the highly deductive selection method of picking the group that is the closest to her.  Which happens to include Lauren, Jasmine and Bikini Girl…aka Katrina [Aside – I only know her name because they said it like 5 million times last night].  Tatiana ingratiates herself into another group…..Tatiana is the beauty queen with the horrific laugh.  I seriously cannot stand listening to this girl….even speak.  And that laugh makes me want to rip my ears off my head…..I mean, it is honestly horror movie stuff…..really.  And of course this girl is completely out of control.  She thinks she knows what is best for her group and of course the other girls don’t immediately bend to the will of the Evil Demented Laugh and so there is some friction.  Someone….just kill her……please.  Speaking of friction….let’s move over to Nathaniel’s group.  You remember Nathaniel, don’t you?  Oh, you don’t?  Maybe because he’s completely forgettable, except for the crying.  He’s the punk rocker who is not really punk.  I think I mentioned he got sent home…..but sadly no.  He’s still here.  And he’s still crying.  Holy hell….this kid is a drama queen.  His groupmates were Christine and Nancy.  I don’t remember Nancy….and I think I would have because she has this flaming red hair.  And she’s kind of bossy.  Christine wimps out at like 2 am because she’s tired….waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.  And Nancy goes ballistic….we need to practice…..what is she thinking…..resting her voice?.....we need to practice.  And there is absolutely nothing like sleep deprived talented teenagers for creating some overly theatric drama.  Christine starts crying when Nancy yells at her saying she must not want to win if she’s not willing to work….and then Nathaniel starts crying because everybody else is yelling and nobody is paying attention to him.  And they make such a huge scene and Christine just keeps saying to the camera that she doesn’t want any drama….wow…..it is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too late for that, honey.

 

Rose and Katrina and Lauren and Jasmine are having their own problems.  Katrina decides she needs to sleep and just kind of leaves.  So they don’t get to practice nearly as much as everybody else….and that seems like typical behavior from somebody who probably has never had to work very hard in her life.   Ewwwwww….so mean…..you see?  She just makes me want to be mean.  Then in the morning, Katrina won’t get out of bed and everybody thinks she has quit.  I’m sure the producers got to her and convinced her to get her pretty little butt out of bed for some promised camera time.  So she saunters in and Rose looks like she wants to throttle the girl.  There’s no chance this is going to end well….

 

But too late to worry about that now because it’s show time!  Simon announces to the kiddies that if you forget the words, you’re out.  Hehehehehehe….way to take a stand Simon….don’t put up with any of that amnesia crap.  India, Justin, Kris with a K and Matt are up first and they sound like a legitimate quartet….I mean, the whole thing sounded great.  India’s sister was Asia, you remember her?  She’s the only one I remember, but they were all very good and they all made it to the next round.  Then we get to see some of Simon’s venom….you can tell he just despises this day.  Well….he probably should.  He’s like the Group-Maker….so him listening to this probably causes him physical pain. 

 

And then we get to hear Alex, Ryan, Ann Marie and Pink Hair Emily and wow…..they were the complete opposite of the first group.  Emily forgot the words, and I think she pretty much knew she was out.  They didn’t harmonize together at all.  Their choreography was…..well…..not choreography.  Alex and Ann Marie made it to the next round but Ryan and Emily are out.  Ann Marie is still pretty, which is the only thing I remember about her from the auditions.  Alex may be the smart ass kid that made jokes at Simon….not sure.  So while Emily kind of resigns herself to the fact that she screwed up, Ryan is way less graceful about the whole losing thing.  He says he saw “an evil in Paula’s eyes”.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Really?  Paula?  You know people…I have been telling you for YEARS that that woman is not as nice as she pretends to be…..

 

Simon is asking for a crate of Advil.  Hehehehehe….

 

Next we get to hear Jamar and Danny’s group.  Jamar and Danny, best friends for life.  I am kind of waiting for the time when the judges point out that Danny is much better than Jamar….but that hasn’t happened yet.  Danny is the Robert Downey Jr. widow.  And he is an excellent singer.  I think he will be in the finals of this show….really…..he is one of the few that has stood out for me.  They decide to sing their song a cappella and it was amazingly good.  Simon tells Danny to step forward….and he says you’re through to the next round and the rest of your group…..<dramatic pause>……are going with you.  <rolling my eyes>  Some day one of these kids is just going to drop dead of a heart attack…and then who’ll be laughing?  

 

Next we saw a few different groups all mushed up in a weird montage to highlight the good singers….more boys….the Roughneck, Baldy Matt, Adam the Actor.  Adam was pretty amazing too….he’ll go far in this competition, but I think the Roughneck and Baldy Matt will get a lot of Ruben Studdard votes because they are so lovably cuddly cute.

 

Next up is “Team Diva”….<sigh>…..that’s Rose, Lauren, Jasmine and Katrina.  Rose forgot the words…I think because she was so nervous about how bad they were.  They sounded terrible together.  Simon said, you clearly did not work together for very long and Lauren tried to explain that some of them needed to get some sleep….and Simon says, stop trying to be nice and name names.  So they all point to Katrina who starts in with her little schpeel about how she was in heels all day and she needed her rest and waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.  The only one of them who got to the next round was Jasmine and that was clearly only because she has a good voice.  It had absolutely nothing to do with the group.  Poor Rose is going home….but she forgot her words so I understand.  Lauren and Rose hug Jasmine in congratulations, but not Katrina.  She walks right by them.  Then Kara…who was watching the whole thing with a running commentary….goes, what a bitch.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Yeah, she is a bitch.  But that’s entertainment people.  More cattiness in the hallway when Katrina informs everybody she won’t be fake and group hug.  I am so glad she is going home.

 

Tatiana’s group is up next and despite the fact that this girl is a total lunatic, they kind of pulled it off and they are all going to the next round and that is really unfortunate because I absolutely hate this girl.  I guess karma can’t be that good to me…..

 

More criers to watch…Nathaniel and his group are the last to go and this team never pulled it together.  They sounded bad from start to finish.  And I thought they all sounded bad.  It was obvious to the judges that none of them liked each other.  Paula said it was uncomfortable to watch.  Simon said it sounded like you were deliberately trying to sabotage each other with bad back-up singing.  Christine had this deer in the headlights look on her face the entire time and trust me people, anybody trying to look that innocent is definitely guilty.  Nancy is already crying, I think because she knows that she is going home and she’s right.  But Nathaniel got through too, and that’s annoying because I can’t stand that guy.  I know he’s a kid and all, but for Pete’s sake, man up!!  And I am annoyed at him because there was more prayer before this group went on stage…..more Christianity mixed in with a show called IDOL during hell week…..<shaking my head>…….seriously?  Just stop pretending that there are that many redeeming qualities about this….come on.  So Nancy tells Christine to f**k off basically, and all the judges kind of gasp.  And Christine still has that innocent 'oh dear' look on her face that kind of makes me want to smack her.

 

And that’s the end.  75 through to the final round.  Hehehehehehe….tonight was much better than last night.  I got to hate some people even more and I got to see ‘Bikini’ girl make her way one step closer to a bright future being a case girl on Deal or No  Deal.  It was a train wreck.  There was too much crying and too much Jesus.  There was lots of teen angst.  Plenty of things for me to mock.  All in all….what I expected from the beginning.

 

Round Three is next week.

Later gators,

Heather

It’s Hell Week on American Idol.  I would be excited about this if I wasn’t so sick right now.  I don’t know what my problem has been lately…..but I’ve never been sick so often in my entire life.  Those ‘Helpful’ people in my life who insist on offering unsolicited advice, think I should have gotten a flu shot.  Well.  The last time I got a flu shot….it gave me the flu….and I didn’t really need a reason to not get stuck with a terrifying needle except now I had one…..so I don’t see any flu shots in my future.  Maybe more vitamins.

 

On to the show.  I will try to stay awake during the whole thing.  The Caps are playing the Devils tonight in New Jersey.  Ovechkin had like a million goals over the weekend and babyface Mike Green is on fire too.  But in American Idol land, there are 147 hopeful kids auditioning at the Kodak Theater.  Tonight they are showing us Round 1.  They get to sing something a cappella for like 10 seconds and if the judges like them, they’re through to the next round.  If they mess up, they’re going home.  No second chances.  That’s the way I like it.

 

Seacrest looks like Mr. Rogers tonight with that ridiculous sweater on….I did notice they had him in a different sweater later….one of the producers must have said something too.  Simon is in his normal light grey t-shirt.  The girls both have little dresses on.  Randy is wearing his letterman cardigan.  Simon tells the kiddies, they’re looking for a star.  So good luck with that.  Hehehehehehehe.  He is very motivational.  Then they show us something new.  They sent the kiddies to Idol boot camp with Barry Manilow.  Apparently, they wanted to give the producers’ choices a better chance of legitimately getting picked.  To raise less suspicion.  Awwwwww….I am so cynical.  I’ll blame the Coma-quil.  The green death flavor makes me very peevish.

 

So in the first line-up, they decide to only point out two of the contestants.  Lil and Dennis from Kansas City.  Lil was the last contestant in Kansas City, she’s the one living in a motel because her apartment got blown away by a tornado.  The old man must be taking care of their three kids right now.  She sings some Whitney for Hell Week and it sounded pretty good.  Kara calls her bold and brave.  Now Dennis…..Dennis is another story.  You probably don’t remember Dreamin’ Dennis from KC….but he did promise us that he could sing.  And he’s a liar.  He can’t.  I didn’t like him then and I sure don’t like him now.  So he gets cut, Lil of course gets through.  But then…..Dennis comes back on stage just to be dramatic about the whole thing and tells the judges they’re wrong.  Because that makes sense, right?  Opinions can't be wrong, Dennis.  Then when Simon won’t have any more of it….Dennis starts insulting Simon’s wardrobe.  He tells him he has very very cheap pants.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Wowee.  How Simon held it together after getting that smack in the face, I will never know.  Losers are such losers.  You know?

 

Everybody is nervous.  The judges don’t like anybody.  Next they show us Nathaniel Metalface with red hair and tattoos…and I didn’t catch where this guy originally auditioned at, because I actually don’t remember him at all.  But he’s not very punk for looking so punk.  And he sings a boring song.  Then he starts feeling sorry for himself.  And then he starts to cry.  Boys….here’s a little bit of advice.  Don’t cry.  Ever.  At least not in public.  It’s so not cool.  It only gets you things if you’re a cute girl….never for anybody else.  I also didn’t catch whether Metalface got through….but I don’t think he did.

 

Snoop Anoop is singing in the next line-up with Cutey Pie Jasmine and Hippy Rose.  Anoop auditioned in KC and was very good despite being extremely nerdy.  Jasmine, I think, auditioned in Jacksonville.  I liked her then and I like her now.  She’s very good.  Kara tells her she has raw natural talent.  Rose is the orphan we met in Salt Lake City.  She’s very nervous.  But what’s this?  Everybody makes it through to the next round.  Hmmmmm…..they are certainly not showing us very much drama here…..

 

The next line-up includes Vaughn, Jorge and Steven.  Steven is a cute black guy that I don’t remember at ALL.  But Randy says, you picked the hardest Stevie Wonder song to sing and you nailed it.  He did sound very good.  Paula thinks Jorge sounds beautiful (Aside – Kara called him George when she was reading off the line-up list….hehehehehehehe).  Vaughn was kind of screaming his song and I didn’t like it all.  He also looks like another whiner.  Simon said it was indulgent nonsense and really annoying.  OOOOooooOOOOOO, I agree.  But they all got through too.  This is no good….this is not a very hellish way to start Hell Week.

 

So the Judges don’t like any of the song choices.  Like any American Idol has ever gotten to actually pick the songs they sing after they win…..next we get to see Norman Gentle again.  You remember Mr. Funnyman, right?  He can’t help himself and has to do an “act” for everybody.  The really bizarre thing about this guy is that he can actually sing….he’s just too self-conscious to just be himself.  Funny people are always that way….they hide a little behind their jokes.  Simon says, you’re ridiculous.  But he got to the next round.  And I have absolutely no idea what this show is that I am watching….because it is clearly not American Idol.

 

They show us more of the producer’s picks that made it through.  Frankie (Amy Winehouse) who I adore, got to the next round.  So did Scott (Blind Guy from Arizona). 

 

On Day Two of Round One the first line-up we see has Jackie the guitar player in it.  Jackie is wearing some kind of ridiculous cheetah shirt….and then says it’s a lion…..when clearly it’s a cheetah.  I thought she did pretty well….I like her voice because it’s different not because it sounds like really amazing or anything.  We also see friends for life Danny and Jamar.  They auditioned in Kansas City too.  You remember Jamar has that yucky metal bar in his face.  He sounded ok to me.  Danny is the one whose wife died….yeah…..that one.  He sang Kiss From A Rose (Seal).  He reminds me of Robert Downey Jr. for some reason.  Anyway, Paula loves him.  I thought he was good.  All of the above are through to the next round.

 

Then we are forced to endure Bikini Girl again.  <sigh>  She’s all kissy face with Ryan before she auditions….uhhhhhhhhhhhh….a little young for you Seacrest.  Man….this girl brings out this evil cattiness in me.  I just want to pull her hair and scratch her face.  That must be like caveman instincts or something…..anyway I don’t care what her name is….if you do, I’m sure you can find it somewhere else.  She sings Faith Hill, Breathe….because that’s so easy.  Wow.  She is really not very good.  Kara says, you’re beautiful….kind of under her breath, the way I would have begrudgingly admitted this also….and then she says, it started pretty good and then it just fell apart.  Paula agrees with Kara.  Simon does not agree.  And Randy agrees with Simon.  I want to shoot myself in the head.  Boys, boys, boys…..you’re just too easy.  This girl is a total enigma.  She will never get a fair shake in life because men will always be deluded by how pretty she is and women will always hate her for the same reason.  And that sounds like it should be a bad thing and I should feel kind of sorry for her…..but I don’t.  And I won’t.  Ever.  She’s through to the next round.  Great role model for the kiddies, AI.  Please, let’s stop pretending like you’re not trying to boost ratings….it is becoming pathetically obvious.  Meoooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

 

Jessica Paige, who takes care of her 93 year old grandma and the Shitz-tzu girl don’t get through to the next round, but we didn’t even get to hear them sing. 

 

The Roughneck and Jesus (who used his cute little kids to get here) are singing next.  Randy says the Roughneck is one of the best and I still like him too.  He gets to the next round.  But Jesus does not….since he doesn’t have his kids here to manipulate the judges again.

 

The last line-up of Day 2 has David Osmond, who does get through but again, we didn’t get to hear him sing.  And Pink Hair Emily, who changed her song at the last minute to some hideous No Doubt number, got through despite herself.  Erika, who I don’t remember at all from the auditions, is the only one in the whole line that is sent packing so she decides to come back out on stage to humiliate herself some more….just in case the first go round wasn’t bad enough.  Of course, she convinces no one that she deserves it, she makes herself look like an ass even though she doesn’t insult anyone like Dennis did…..and was the cherry on top of a particularly disappointing start to Hell Week.  Nothing particularly bad happened.  No one totally cracked.  I mean….I guess it is the first day and all…..but I was expecting/hoping for more.

 

And get this.  104 people made it to the next round.  Come on…..that means they only cut like 40 people……no wonder it was boring.  So tomorrow night is group singing which is always a train wreck.  I, at least, can look forward to that.  Caps beat the Devils....because they're awesome.  Another goal for Green.

 

Later gators,

Heather

I am so sick, it’s not even funny.  I won’t go into details, because I’m grossing myself out right now….but needless to say I am so high on Coma-quil right now, if any of this makes any sense at all….I will be stunned.

 

It’s 2 p.m. in 24-Land.  At the FBI, Back-stabbing Sean has found the truck the Mutobos were “adbucted” in (Aside – remember they weren’t really abducted, the Mod Squad talked them into being bait).  Just as miraculous as finding a very generic looking delivery van like a needle in a haystack, Fake-Chloe has managed to rifle through millions of lines of code and found the one little bit that has escaped the attention of the NSA and CIA.  She thinks this will help her locate where the Device is going to be used next.  Agent Larry says don’t waste any time with stupid stuff.  <chuckle>  Come on Larry, even I can see this plot is going nowhere if Fake-Chloe can’t pull a rabbit out of her hat.  So Back-stabber starts voicing all his doubts about Agent Larry’s capability…you know because he thinks the love of his life Agent Eye Candy is dead (Aside – but she’s not, she was saved by the Mod Squad before she suffocated after being buried alive)….and Fake-Chloe tells him to shut up and do his job.  Yeah Back-stabber, nobody cares what you think. 

 

Over at the White House Kanin is still trying to get the Bad SS on the phone because he needs Papa Taylor to convince the President to stop attacking the fake country of Sangala.  But the Bad SS is not answering his phone because Papa Taylor pushed him over the balcony and killed him before the Bad SS could kill Papa Taylor and frame him for the death of Roger’s girlfriend.  Cause remember, Roger found out about the people in the President’s administration that were investing in/betting on the President not attacking Sangala and we’re all pretty sure Kanin is in on that….but if he is…..why doesn’t he seem more chummy with the Bad SS?  Anyway, then Agent Larry calls the White House and gives them the update.  One other important note that I was wondering about – First Gentleman.  That’s what they’re calling him….first time I heard them refer to Papa Taylor as that.

 

So the Mutobos are on their way to the Butcher and the Mod Squad is tracking them with the tooth implant Chloe put on Mutobo.  Jack tells Agent Eye Candy he needs her help and honestly…if she had said no…..I probably would have thrown something at the television.  So inside the evil lair, the Mutobos are brought face to face with the Butcher.  He’s still talking about the attack on the chemical plant in Nowhere, Ohio.  Then the Butcher does the expected – tell Juma the names of your allies otherwise the Wifey gets it.  Blah blah blah.  Agent Eye Candy gets into the building, easily distracting the lame security with her brilliant Eye Candy ways.  Jack, Tony and RoboBill are on the roof.  Agent Eye Candy lets them in through a conveniently unlocked door on the third floor.  This seems waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too easy!!

 

Back at the FBI and Back-stabber is starting to really irritate me.  Now he thinks Fake-Chloe has no idea what she’s doing.  He doesn’t think she’s found anything.  But…oh….what’s this?  Helloooooooooooo, it’s a chemical plant in Ohio.  Jerkface.  Of course she was right.  So Fake-Chloe calls the plant and they tell her the safety valves stopped working and wow, they seem awfully calm about that….except when she informs them it’s a terrorist attack and all of the sudden everything stops working and the pressure starts rising and even this nuclear physics-challenged observer knows that when they say ‘the pressure is rising’ something bad is about to happen.  Get the President on the phone Jerkface.  Fake-Chloe doesn’t gloat about being right nearly as much as she probably should….or as much as I would rather…..

 

And here’s yet another pointless diversion to the White House where they’re all updated on the imminent disaster.  Tons of people are about to die.  You can’t do anything except look really really concerned.

 

Chloe tells Jack about the chemical plant.  You need to hurry.  And Jack is like….come on…..I’m doing the best I can.

 

So the anonymous collateral damage for this episode is apparently the plant manager.  He has to manually release the gas, which of course means he is probably going to die.  Fake-Chloe does a good job sounding seriously panicky about the whole thing….like at least she’s not pretending she has this conversation every other day.

 

Then the Butcher sees the Mod Squad on the surveillance cameras.  Oh come ON.  They were so lucky up till that point….so, get this.  He says, stop the attack.  We have to get out of here now.  NOW?!?!  Dude.  This is insane.  The firewall is no longer breached.  Nobody knows what the hell is going on.  And poor Anonymous Plant Manager has apparently died for nothing.

 

The Mod Squad attacks the evil lair.  The Butcher runs away.  The Device gets destroyed.  And They WIN!!  Show’s over.

 

 

……[long pause]……

 

 

 

Hang on.

 

 

 

 

That’s not the end.

 

 

 

Now what?

 

Back at the FBI and Fake-Chloe is trying to save the dying Plant Manager.  Agent Eye Candy has the Mutobos in the van with Chloe.  Jack, Tony and RoboBill are still looking for the Butcher .  Then the Butcher blows up Dr. Phlox for no real good reason except to help him escape.  Now Jack and Company have to get out of there before the police show up and arrest them all….even though they just saved the planet.  But whatever.  It’s a thankless job….being a superhero.

 

Agent Larry is very perplexed by the whole thing.  He was really looking forward to that attack, I guess.  Back-stabber gets all passive with him about Renee…and wow, why doesn’t someone just punch that guy in the head.  Poor Agent Larry is so upset about Eye Candy.  Fake-Chloe wants to send her condolences to the dead Anonymous Plant Manager’s family and Back-stabber is like, hold off on the flowers, we have work to do.  Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww….I really haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate this guy.

 

Nobody at the White House seems overly relieved that the attack didn’t pan out the way everybody expected either.  Personally…I would have been a little….I don’t know…..happy about it.  Kanin still can’t get the Bad dead SS on the phone, ...you know.....because he's dead.....so he decides to tell the President about Papa Taylor and his “wild goose chase” about Roger’s death not being a suicide.  Except of course it’s not a wild goose chase….but who the hell is going to believe that guy.  So on top of the pretty awful day she is already having, the President now learns that her husband is missing.

 

Cut to Papa Taylor who has just woken up in an apartment with two dead people.  Nobody is ever going to believe you buddy.  I’d get the hell out of there.  The Other Bad SS comes in and almost kills Papa Taylor.  And then….just to mix things up….the Butcher calls.  Bring Papa Taylor to me, he says.  Now…that’s how you negotiate.

 

The Mutobos are with the Mod Squad at their super-secret hideout.  They still need to find the Butcher so they can prove their conspiracy theory.  Jack points out that they need more help.  Chloe agrees with him.  But RoboBill and Tony don’t think they can trust anyone in the government.  Mutobo offers to talk to the President himself and get her help.  So, RoboBill says ok.

 

Mutobo surprises the s**t out of the President and calls her on the phone.  He says, I must speak to you alone.  That sounds fishy to me, and I already know what is going on.  So anyway, the President turns right around and tells Kanin….who I’m still unsure about.  But leaning more toward him being not so trustworthy…..

 

Tony says he is not going to the White House with Jack and the Mutobos.  He knows he’ll be arrested.  And Jack is like, well I’ll allow that if you face up to the consequences of your actions when this is all over.  Wow….just a little bit hypocritical there Jackster.  Mr. Walkabout for a few years avoiding a federal subpoena.  So, instead of saying something very sarcastic (which is what I would have done) Tony just says ok…with that eternal smirky concerned look on his face.  I, personally, don’t think Tony will turn himself in.  I think he’ll go on walkabout too when this is all over.

 

The shows ends with the Butcher at his apartment….and then his girlfriend stops by.  Like he’s a normal person and not a genocidal maniac.  Wow….I bet match.com doesn’t profile for that…..huh?

 

Later gators,

Heather