It’s go time.  Time for this week’s loser to pack their bags.  Time for lots of filler in a one hour show for thirty seconds of information.  WOOHOO!  Ryan asks, whose dream is on the line?  Tattoo’s.  That’s my guess.  The more I think about it, the more I think she needs to go.  Seacrest looks like a politician tonight in that suit.  He says 36 million votes were cast.  The most this season, and the most for a top ten.  Congrats America, the Idol is sucking the will right out of your body.  Ryan runs through the line-up tonight – Ruben Studdard, Joss Stone and Smokey, and Stevie Wonder.  The entertainment sounds awesome!  And here are our judges – Randy in some wacky t-shirt, Kara in some lacey strappy thing, Paula in a metallic boob shelf sans the marker moustache, and Simon in steady white.  Then we get the recap of last night.  And then we get the group song, which was a medley of Motown hits.  Then we get the Ford Music video which was to ‘Pocket Full of Sunshine’ and thanks to that song being played to exhaustion my brain hurts now when I listen to it and so forwarded through that.

 

Ruben Studdard is singing first and he is still just as cute, like a big cuddly teddy bear.  He’d make a great Santa Claus.  He sounds pretty good…..but honestly…..I think there are a few boys on this season that could have outsung him.  Outsung?  How do you like my new language?  I make it up in my spare time.  It’s dumbulary.  As in dumb vocabulary.  <sigh>  It depresses me sometimes to think how much I paid for my college education…..

 

On with the results – Dramadama is safe.  Dumbo is……in the bottom three!!!  WHAT?!?!?!  Wha wha whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!!!!  Chris with a K isssssssssss safe….and of course Ryan fools this kid every week and it’s just precious.  So now it’s between Roughneck and Lil.  Lil is safe.  The Roughneck is in the bottom three.  Ok.  I can understand that.  After Simon’s comments yesterday, I’m surprised he even showed up again.

 

More singing.  Joss Stone and Smokey.  This sounds nice…they don’t harmonize super great together, but it’s nice.  It’s also kind of a romantic song for such an odd couple….how old is he?  I’ll tell you how old he is…because I was curious, I looked it up on wiki – he’s 69.  Wow. 

 

Back to the results.  Red is safe.  Of course she is….come on.  Anoop de Loop Loop is safe….huh, he really dodged a bullet a few weeks back, huh?  Ironman is safe.  Of COURSE he is.  So it’s between Scott and Tattoo, and I think this is a no-brainer but what’s this?  What is this?  Ryan is leading Scott over to the loser side of the stage?  Because he’s in the bottom three.  What the hell is going on?  I immediately blame votefortheworst…..how in the holy hell is that girl not in the bottom three?  That is just nuts.  Randy doesn’t think Dumbo should be in the loser trio, and I agree.  He has sang very well for a while now.  One of them is safe right off the bat, and it’s Scott.  So Seacrest leads him back to the winner side of the stage.  Then Simon explains the judge’s save in his usual callous way and makes it clear that for either of them, the save will depend solely on how they sing tonight.

 

But before we get to that, it’s time to hear Mr. Stevie Wonder sing a Motown Medley.  He is quite amazing.  Sounds incredible.  All the judges are singing.  And dancing.  Except for Simon.  Hahahahahahaha.  They don’t even let Dumbo and Roughneck sit with the group during this, they have been banished to Exile Island.

 

So anyway, time to find out the results.  Here’s the thirty seconds of info we need.  Dumbo is safe.  The Roughneck has to sing for his life.  And he does….boy does he give it his all….and he even said before he started, “I can’t believe I have to sing after Stevie Wonder!”  <chuckle>  Right?  That’s nuts.  The judges can’t decide.  Apparently the girls thought his performance was good enough….but Simon tries to put Paula on the spot, but she gets whiny and he gets annoyed….and since it has to be a unanimous decision, he says – it’s a no.  You’re fired.  <frowny>  That’s too bad.  I’m not complaining, because I knew there was a chance he could go….but that’s too bad.  I like this guy.  But he’s on the summer tour and now he gets to go home to the family.  Ryan calls him a class act.  Yes, yes. 

 

Thanks to the judges.  Thanks to Ricky and the Band.  Thanks to you.  And thanks to Xavier for killing my chances in the office pool.  They were my upset pick and they just upset me.....

 

Later gators,

Heather

 

 

Tonight we get to hear the top 10 singers.  These are the kiddies that are going to be on tour this summer….so I hope you enjoy all of them.  Honestly, I think compared to seasons past, this is the most talented group of 10 they’ve ever had.  It’s the 50^th anniversary of Motown this year…I think that’s what Ryan said, so tonight the kiddies are singing Motown hits.  The Hubby was relieved to hear this.  Ryan is in yet another spiffy GQ outfit.  And here are your judges, being announced on to the stage like they’re a basketball team or something….Randy has some weird pastel striped cardigan thing on.  Kara is wearing a blue dress that I’m sure was very expensive…but I don’t like it.  Paula is bejeweled, bedazzled and bewildered.  And Simon, dear Simon, got all dolled up in a black shirt and jeans.  As they’re walking around shaking everybody’s hands, I notice Paula seems to be wearing a tutu skirt.  Which is hi-larious.  Dance Puppet!  Dance!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Seacrest asks the judges what should happen this week and Paula says the kiddies need to challenge themselves and surprise the judges.  Ryan says, you’re looking forward to this Simon, right?  And Simon goes, I wouldn’t say I’m looking forward to it….<heehee>….now here’s a quick introduction to Motown for all you babies out there who don’t know who Gladys Knight, the Temptations or the Jackson Five are…..<sigh>.  The kiddies got to go to Hitsville, USA to meet Berry Gordy and Smokey Robinson and get a tour of studio A.  That was kind of cool.  Smokey is their mentor this week.

 

Dumbo is singing first.  I like this guy a lot more than I used to….he’s singing ‘Let’s Get It On’, a great Marvin Gaye tune.  He’s playing the piano and Smokey loved it.  He plays a few bars and then gets up and sings with the mic.  Those are some super tight jeans….with a Mr. Rogers cardigan.  It’s a great song choice for him, very nice.  Very soulful.  Randy says you have come up so far, and now you’re challenging the front runners of the competition.  Kara says a lot of girls are watching this going YaaaYa.  <rolling my eyes>  She likes that he went away from the piano, it was solid.  Paula says you have a sexy, cool vibe.  Simon says it was a cool performance, exactly what you should be doing, he mentions that Randy repeated what he said last week <chuckle>….can you spell ‘pompous’?

 

Ryan says you can download the performances on iTunes….the Hubby suggests you download the originals….

 

Chris with a K is singing second.  He picked ‘How Sweet It Is’, with his guitar.  Smokey was blown away…he said, My Goodness.  He’s a good singer, and cute.  I think he could do a killer Kermit the Frog impression.  I really liked the beginning of the song.  Kara says you did your own version, different phrasing and melody and blah blah blah.  Everything was right.  Paula says you have a comfort level now on stage, I love you and let’s go to bed.  <pause>  That’s a joke, she didn’t really say that….I was just translating all the gobbledygook that came out of her mouth.  Simon says you’re having a good competition, but you need some more swagger, you’ve got to be conceited to be a rock star.  Randy says keep it in the zone, all good….oh Randy…..does anyone ever really understand you?

 

Scott is singing next.  Oh.  Um.  Who dressed you?  Wow….that’s a scary looking outfit.  Pink and brown and different patterns…and yuck.  He’s singing You Can’t Hurry Love.  Smokey thinks he brought the song up to date…and obviously didn’t want to say anything bad about him.  He has such a pretty voice, very good piano playing.  Strong, good, solid performance.  And kind of boring.  As usual.  Paula says you brought something different, obviously wanting some positive karma points to make up for criticizing a blind guy last week.  She says when you feel it, the audience feels it.  Simon says…how much more could we take?  Hahahahaha…he called it honky tonk piano.  <quizzical look>  He says it was completely the wrong song, a bit cheap, you keep choosing the wrong songs.  I’ve heard that same performance a million billion times.  Really Simon?  A million Billion?  Randy called it a hotel performance, you’re a better singer than that.  Kara says, I disagree…I like blind people.  You brought tempo…and blindness….but when you take liberties with the melody, you need to nail it and you didn’t.  Paula gets annoyed with Simon and gives him some crayons and a coloring book that she just happened to be hiding under the table.  Okey dokey…a little corny, but kind of funny.  Before we go to commercial, Scott apologizes for the pink pants, he says they just told him about ten minutes before the performance that they were pink…Hahahahahaha….I like that he has a sense of humor.

 

Tattoo is singing now and I am really over this girl.  She picked ‘For Once In My Life’ by Stevie Wonder.  Smokey called her different and refreshing…which I think means ‘bad’.  She’s got some kooky island dress on…and she’s off.  Off key, out of tune and kind of screamy.  And she’s doing the ridiculous shuffle dance thing again which really annoys me.  I didn’t like it.  At all.  Randy liked her outfit, but he says the song was a train wreck.  Thank goodness we agree Randy.  He says it was rushed and hectic.  Kara thinks she should have sang My Guy….I don’t think that would have helped Kara.  She says there were some bad notes, it was not the Megan we are used to.  Paula says you are stunningly beautiful, but it was not the right song, you didn’t find the pocket.  That’s musician code for you suck.  Simon says you do look good, but it was a horrible song, you are in serious trouble….and you know what was really interesting about this?  Nobody in the audience is booing him for being so mean…..not a good sign honey.  The Hubby wishes Seacrest would ask her how drunk she really was when she got those tattoos.  Hahahahahahaha….

 

Anoop de Loop Loop is singing for us now and he picked Ooo Baby Baby.  Smokey really liked his rehearsal, he says don’t change a thing.  This song is really hard to sing.  I don’t like the High School Musical outfit though…it was pretty good, he missed a few notes…but you know what….it was pretty good.  Kara says this is one of the most beautiful songs and one of the most difficult to sing and overall it was really good.  You can really sing.  Paula says you need more confidence, but the phrasing and falsetto were spot on and sweet.  Simon says it was a great vocal but you looked sleepy.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  You looked like you were in a musical.  Thank You!  That’s what I thought!  He says you need some balance between serious and energy to become a recording artist.  Randy says he should change it up next week, bring some more energy.

 

Now it’s time to listen to the Roughneck.  He didn’t get to go to Detroit because he was sick….like me right now…..ugh.  He picked ‘Ain’t Too Proud to Beg’.  Great song, and I think a really good choice for him.  He wants to show some soul roots.  Smokey says he needs to power it up a bit.  It’s a fun performance and he got really into it.  I like him and I think America still does too.  Paula says that was a tough performance, kind of Las Vegas loungey….wow, Paula!  She sounds like she’s gonna cry saying this stuff.  It’s hard being mean, isn’t it Paula.  You can just feel those karma points slipping away.  Simon says he couldn’t wait for it to end.  Then he said, you’re taking part in this competition but you have no chance of winning.  WOW!  You’re just not good enough, below par.  OUCH!  Randy says it’s an unbelievable song, but it may have been a little too big for you, you made it a little bit corny.  Kara says we’re looking for artistry from an artist who likes to make art.  Art.  Arty.  Art.  <sigh>  Man, I hate her.  Seacrest tries to put Roughneck on the spot after getting told that he sucks basically, and this guy handles it with a ton of grace.  I like to sang (southern twang for sing).  A goofy grin and positive attitude might have been enough to move you on to the next round, Roughneck.  You are quite endearing….

 

Lil is singing next and she picked ‘Heat Wave’.  Smokey says she could sing the phone book….oh Smokey….stealing Paula’s favorite line now?  She got to talk to him about the history of Hitsville and how much it meant for her to see how far they came….she’s in a Dream Girls outfit, obviously a tribute to Motown.  That was a power performance, but you know what….it didn’t sound like her best.  She may cry after singing that though, she put a ton of energy into it.  Randy says you have mad crazy vocals, but the front of the song was kind of torture.  Really Randy?  Kind of torture?  That’s one of those words that you can’t really minimize with ‘kind of’.  It’s like being ‘kind of’ dead.  Kara says you look great, gotta say you were the diva this week, this was your wheelhouse, but I don’t think you nailed it.  You were screaming parts and you should never have to do that.  Paula says, I disagree completely.  It was like I was hearing a classic song for the first time.  Well put Paula.  Simon said it was obviously an authentic tribute performance, but I wouldn’t have picked that song.  I don’t think you had a ‘moment’…and I am waiting for you to have a ‘moment’.  You’re one of the best singers and you need to have a ‘moment’.

 

Dramadama is singing now and I am not looking forward to however he is going to butcher this song.  Chop it up and throw acid on it, stomp on it a little, set it on fire and throw the ashes into the river.  Let’s just get this over with.  He picked Tracks of My Tears, which is a Smokey song and he has never heard it sung that way…shocker.  It’s a quiet performance.  Drama has a slick Swingers look going on, hair combed back, Motown suit.  He sang the sung unplugged, mostly in a falsetto and for him…I thought it was pretty good.  Maybe because I was expecting it to be kind of torture….<evil grin>….the Hubby hated it, by the way.  He loves Motown music and he made me stop the DVR and listen to the Smokey version on Youtube just to remind me what it could sound like….I’ll have to add it to the blog here, because it really shows how not great Drama’s performance was….but in the light of the stage and the energy of the night, he may have pulled it off.  Smokey gave him a standing ovation, so did Kara.  She says it was one of the best performances of the night.  She also said that ‘one of the best performances of the night’ was six words.  Oh Kara…..try not to count too much, m’kay?  Paula says you are completely in your own league, a good look, you have an element of surprise about you, you are exciting.  Simon says it was The Best Performance of the Night.  Really?  Wow….you have originality, this showed off a brilliant songwriter (giving props to Smokey).  You have emerged as a star, congratulations.  Randy says tonight you showed you can sing tender moments, unbelievably hot, the bomb. 

 

Ironman is not singing last tonight…huh…..he picked ‘Get Ready’.  Smokey gave him some advice about the song, but I’m not sure he took it.  He’s such a dorky dancer, but that smile just makes you want to smile too.  YEAH!!  Wonderful!  Energy out the wazoo!  Paula says undeniable, identifiable, reliable.  Nice Paula.  Someone must be writing these for you in advance.  Simon thought it was clumsy and amateurish…..really?  What is wrong with him tonight…..we’re not agreeing on everything…..Randy says you remind me of great singers, it wasn’t your best but you have a lot of energy.  Kara says it was good, not great, but I’m still a huge fan.  They have to rush through these comments because they’re running behind.  How you do that on a two hour show, I have no idea….

 

Closing out the show is Red.  The youngin’.  She picked ‘Poppa Was a Rolling Stone’….great choice.  Smokey thinks she put herself into the song….which I think is a good thing.  This performance is fan friggin tastic.  She has the perfect voice for this, a LOT of energy, great stage presence, right on.  Randy says you are the dopest singer, blazin’ hot.  Kara said Oh.  My.  God.  Amazing.  That is from God.  Thanks for that Hyperbole.  I was waiting for you to be ridiculously exaggerated.  Simon wrote on Paula’s face with a marker.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…. He drew a moustache on her…..in black marker…..I’m sorry I have no idea what she said because I can’t stop laughing and he can’t stop laughing…..he said you are a survivor, your best performance ever. 

 

I think it’s going to be Tattoo going home.  It might be Scott or the Roughneck in the bottom three too….but it better be Tattoo going home and there’s no chance they’re gonna save her if she has to sing that same song again….

 

Seacrest did have enough time to ask Berry and Smokey what they thought of the night and they were impressed and happy and glad they don’t have to pick the winner and then Ryan rushes us off….

 

More basketball on tonight.  Good luck with your brackets....for those of you not in my pool.....<grin>.

 

Later gators,

Heather

It’s 10 pm in 24-Land this week.  Here’s a quick recap of the day so far….just in case you’re having trouble keeping up.  We started off in Sangala….since not enough people really know what is happening in Darfur or Somalia or Zimbabwe or Nigeria…..we started off in the fake country of Sangala that might as well have been any one of these.  Killer kids in an evil army.  The US government tried to serve Jack with a subpoena but he refused.  He’s helping his friend run a shelter for young boys.  But the evil army is after the kids.  Jack ends up killing the Butcher’s brother.  Now Jack, Karl and the kids are on the run, trying to get out of the country.  Karl gets killed.  Jack has to be arrested in order to save the kids.  This season is called ‘Redemption’.  Jack is put on trial.  But the FBI needs his help to stop Tony.  But Tony is not really a bad guy.  He’s working undercover for the Mod Squad.  Tony is arrested.  Jack breaks him out of the FBI.  Jack is working with the Mod Squad to get the Device and find the Butcher.  The FBI is clueless.  Dumbdumb gets herself caught.  Then Jack has to bury her alive to save her.  Meanwhile the President’s husband is causing trouble trying to prove his son didn’t commit suicide.  So he ends up getting drugged, pushed over a balcony, kidnapped by terrorists, and then shot.  The good guys get the bad guys but that’s not the end.  Meanwhile back at FBI headquarters, Back-stabber is back stabbing everyone.  And everybody else is clueless.  Agent Larry is in love with Dumbdumb and extremely jealous of Jack.  More conspiracy is uncovered by Tony.  FBI agents are shot and arrested.  Back-stabber is stabbed in the back (not really).  Dumbdumb slaps Jack because she loves him so much.  The Senator investigating Jack at the beginning is at the White House with his Chief of Staff….who is conveniently…..a terrorist.  Jack finds out he’s in on the plot and “interrogates” him.  Then Jack is arrested.  Then terrorists break in to the White House and take the President and her daughter hostage.  They force the President to say she’s stupid on TV.  RoboBill sacrifices himself for the greater good.  Jack thinks it’s still not over.  Dumbdumb speaks up for him.  Agent Larry tells Dumbdumb she’s fired (basically).  If I can’t have you, no one can.  Jack “interrogates” the Chief of Staff again….except Evil Jack thwarts him by poisoning Jack with a nerve agent and slicing open the Chief’s throat.  Jack is on the run again.  Larry assumes he’s guilty because he hates Jack.  Jack gets Dumbdumb to help him identify Evil Jack.  Everything is tied to Starkwood, the evil private army drunk on power with notions of world domination.  He goes to get evidence from the Senator, but Evil Jack shoots the Senator first.  Larry assumes….again…..that Jack did it because the FBI has stopped considering evidence when investigating murders.  Jack is on the run again.  He kills Evil Jack in a super spy showdown.  He finds the location to the super evil weapon on Evil Jack’s phone, calls Tony and is off to save the day.  Again. 

 

Now you’re caught up.  Agent Larry calls Kanin to tell him the bad news about the Senator and Kanin is pissed.  You screwed up again Kanin.  Now the Senator is dead.  Jack is on the phone with Tony talking about where to meet and whether the weapons are already here.  They are going to the Port of Alexandria.

 

The President is talking to her husband….who is apparently not dead.  I totally forgot about him for a while there.  She tells him Olivia is back with the family.  And he’s happy about that.  Or high on pain killers.  Then Kanin walks in and ruins the President’s day.  I’m just kidding…..I don’t think there’s much he could have said at this point that would make things worse.  Kanin tells her Jack shot the Senator…and she’s like, well that doesn’t make sense.  THANK YOU!  It doesn’t make sense…but everybody is jumping to that conclusion because no one cares about evidence.  So Kanin says he has to resign.  He failed the President.  This is the only way to protect her and the Administration.  Blah blah blah.  Get on with it already. 

 

Jack meets Tony at the Port and they grab a Port Authority guard….the only security they see.  Of course Port Authority guy has a pregnant wife, which pretty much guarantees he’s not going to live through this episode.  He’s the guy from Enterprise, by the way.  The last Star Trek TV show.

 

Jon Voigt is on the phone with his Soldiers of Terror.  They’re still waiting for Evil Jack because they don’t know he’s dead.  So JV says, wait five more minutes and then just go into the Port….use extreme caution.  So the Board members are at Starkwood.  Greg (JV’s Second) is nervous.  JV is talking to the Board like a crazy person…we could have helped today but they didn’t want our help and so now we’re not cooperating any more with their investigations of us or their questions about what we do or their subpoenas.  Doug….who seems to be the President of the Board, disagrees with this tactic.  Apparently Starkwood has already been offered some kind of deal for cooperating with the Feds.  So JV tells Doug that the Senator is dead and Doug is like, tell me you didn’t do this.  JV swears, sort of.  Doug is useless and will believe whatever you tell him….<sigh>.

 

Jack explains to Port Authority Karl (remember that was the name of his friend in the mini-movie) what is going on.  Karl said they told him they were smuggling in electronics and paid him to clear the way.  Karl feels very guilty.  Don’t worry Karl, Jack has a plan that will probably get you killed.  It will all be over soon.  Jack promises him that they have Karl’s back.  Sucker.  That guy is so dead.

 

Karl walks to the gate to let the Soldiers of Terror into the Port.  They make him go with them to get the weapons.  Jack pretends to care and Tony tells him not to bother….even he knew that guy was dead as soon as walked out of the door.

 

Kanin is packing up his stuff and Olivia comes in to gloat.  He apologizes to her….in a really passive aggressive way.  And she apologizes to him for being so emotional....in a really passive aggressive way.  He gives her a little speech on ambition, which she totally ignores.  She’s real sketchy, isn’t she?  Then Kanin leaves, and she immediately calls that reporter guy.  What a bitch!  It was her all along!  You were kind of hoping she was a bad guy, weren’t you?  Me too.  So she tells the reporter everything, trying to take the heat away from her mom, basically destroying Kanin’s life.  She just blabs out that the Senator is dead and it was Jack.  [Um......EVIDENCE?!?]  Karma is definitely going to get you lady….just you wait.

 

Agent Larry is still…..still investigating the shooting of the Senator and thinks…..maybe we should call in the crime lab.  <sigh>  What is this?  Police Academy?  He calls Dumbdumb for help figuring out what Jack was doing there and she’s like, I can’t help you, I’m in love with Jack.  And he says, damnit Renee….so she helps him.  Blabs out everything about Starkwood and the whole deal.  Now she wants to help, but he refuses to un-arrest her.

 

At the docks, the Soldiers of Terror are loading up the weapons.  Jack and Tony are lurking, waiting to follow the truck.  Tony says, let’s go but Jack wants to save Karma Karl…..you know because he couldn’t save his friend.  <ahem> Redemption?  Tony tries to talk him out of it because he’s the Tin Man and has no heart.  He says one guy isn’t worth saving…and of course he’s right….and of course this is the same argument we’ve heard all season long.  Tony says damnit Jack!  But Jack has a plan….like he always does.  How about a shoot-out.  The two of us against them.  So when the Soldiers go to kill Karl, Jack shoots the guy first.  Karl runs away to live happily ever after with his wife and their twins.  Jack goes after the truck and leaves Tony behind to fight off ….I guess there’s probably about 6 of them left at this point…..by himself.  Jack jumps on top of the truck while it’s driving away and pulls the driver out, like Jason Statham in The Transporter.  Or Indiana Jones.  Tony gets caught.  Uh oh…..they know him……

 

So Jack calls Agent Larry and Larry, of course, doesn’t believe him.  Bio-weapon…..riiiiiIIIIIIiiiiight…..Jack says bring help.  Larry tells Jack he knows about Starkwood, yeah Renee told me….cause she likes me better than you.  When he hangs up, he notices that the truck is beeping.  That can’t be good.  Something is cracked.  Something is leaking.  Gas is leaking and that cannot be good.  So Jack has to shut off the gas…..so he just holds his breath and walks in and switches off the gas and runs out.  <pause>  Come on.  You can’t just hold your breath!  It’s a BIOweapon Jack…..Now someone is shooting at him from a helicopter.  He’s on the run again.  They hitch up the weapon to the helicopter and fly away.  DRAT!  Foiled again!  The Soldiers of Terror call JV to give him the good news.  They still have Tin Man Tony in the back seat, tied up.  JV says everybody is getting ready.  Jack calls Larry and says you need to go to the nearest Starkwood facility and arrest these fools.  Larry says, but I can’t without evidence.  WHAT!?!?!  NOW YOU CARE ABOUT EVIDENCE?!?!?!  You jerk.

 

Jack says, send the CDC to me.  I’m your evidence.  Because he’s been exposed to the bio weapon.

 

He’s probably going to die.

 

Told ya so.

 

 

Later gators,

Heather

It’s go time people.  Go time for the March Madness…which starts today.  And go time for another contestant in the most amazing show on earth.  Here’s Seacrest in a slate gray suit and gray tie.  He says the results may shock us…..I doubt it Ryan.  I’ve got a pretty good record so far.  31 million people voted…and the group is generating a lot of buzz.  Welcome judges.  Randy is wearing a weird scarf.  Kara is wearing some pseudo leopard type print thing.  Paula has a black boob hoist on with chiffon shoulders.  And Callow has a white t shirt on….when did Simon get so buff, by the way?  He looks like a totally different person from when this show started.  Seacrest explains the Judge’s Save again….which I doubt they would use so early in the season regardless of who was put up there.  We get a recap of last night, in case you were too drunk to watch it.  And then the kiddies sing their group song.  Didn’t listen to it…..didn’t need to.

 

The Ford music video disaster show is up next.  The kiddies are throwing water balloons at each other.  So Seacrest throws one at Simon on stage…..well….near Simon.  He apparently ended up hitting someone in the audience.  Which is pretty hysterical.  Then they show us some more filler of the extended deleted scenes from last week, after the show.  Lots of crying and we’ll miss you and you’re great and blah blah blah.  After the break Ryan is talking to the kiddies about various things and starts chatting with Roughneck about how hard it is to be away from family.  And the guy, this big brute of a guy, is literally shaking (his voice and his hands) when he recalls his 3 year old turning to him last week and asking Daddy why he didn’t want to be around her anymore….oh dear Jesus up in heaven.  He really shouldn’t be allowed to tell these stories….because I think it puts everybody else at a disadvantage….it’s that kid kryptonite.  The Hubby suggests they vote off six people tonight and six people next week…to which I pointed out that there are only 11 people left on the show….to which he replied, And?  That Kara person needs to go too.  <chuckle>  Point taken, sweetheart. 

 

So now it’s time for the results and I’ve got the pattern down.  Everybody is safe in the row except for the last two and it’s between those two.  So Ironman stands up first and….he is safe.  Of course he is.  Come on.  Lil is safe and she literally shrieks with delight about being on the tour, I guess.  <pause>  Lil….you need to jump back into the reality pool where everybody and their brother knows you’re an amazing singer.  Stop making us feel stupid by acting so surprised.  Anoop…………………..is……………………………safe.  The only tell-tale sign that you’re safe is that Ryan tries to make the announcement dramatic.  So it’s between Red and the Roughneck.  I think the Roughneck must be safe….and I’m right.  Red has to sit in one of the Loser Stools and wait to find out if she’s going home.  And then Ryan says something very very confusing….Roughneck has to sit in one of the Loser Stools too.  <pause>  HUH?  What the hell?!?!?

 

After the break, Brad Paisley is singing….and the Hubby didn’t even ask.  He grabbed the remote, forwarded through the entire song, sighed and said, that was close.  I have no idea what he was talking about…..but Brad Paisley is not one of my favorite country singers, so I didn’t mind missing him.  Scott is safe….because he’s blind.  Tattoo is safe even though she is still highly contagious.  Dumbo is safe….but after the Simon Cowell Stamp of Approval, that is no surprise.  Chris with a K is safe, but everybody knew that the kkkkkkkid is kkkkkkkinda kkkkkkute enough to be voted in and on through to the later rounds.  So the last of the bottom three spots belongs to either Dolly or Dramadama.  I hope it’s Drama.  Simon said his song was even worse when he listened to it again after the show.  But it’s not him…..it’s Dolly.  DAMNIT.  So one out of the three of them is safe and can sit back down on the non-loser side of the stage.  That person is…..Red.  Good for you honey. 

 

After the break it’s the fantastic Miss Carrie Underwood singing a duet with Randy Travis.  The Hubby agreed to watch this….thank goodness Miss Carrie is so pretty….And of course she sounds wonderful.  The song is called I Told You So….and it wasn’t so much a duet as it was Carrie singing the whole thing while Randy played the guitar.  Still…..very pretty.

 

After that, we have the bottom two.  Roughneck is safe and then Simon says to Dolly, you were the one we would have saved, so now it depends on this song.  No pressure.  If they say no now, which I think they’re gonna do, that is like the cruelest thing ever.  <giggle>  Awesome.  So she sings Jolene again, and it was better than last night but still not all that great.  She’s done and Simon says………not good enough.  Oh….that HAD to hurt.  Dolly is a little more gracious about the losing than Disney was, but still you can see the disappointment all over her face.

 

So that’s it for tonight.  Good luck in your respective basketball pools, unless you’re in mine, in which case I hope were lucky enough to pick all the losing teams.  Too bad there isn’t a prize for that as well. 

 

Later players,

Heather

 

Go Musketeers!  How can you not root for the Blue Blob.

The Terps are in the tourney…at a 10 seed no less.  The Caps are back in the swing of things.  That’s the update from Sports Land.  <smile>  Seacrest is in yet another spiffy looking suit.  Polka dot tie.  St. Patty’s Day theme tonight, ya think?  Hahahaha….doubt it.  The announcer announces the judges again…I think that’s a little too much, don’t you?  Randy in his black cardigan sweater.  Hello Kara, the 70’s called, they want that disco dress back.  Paula is in another cleavage shelf.  And Simon has a very comfy looking white shirt on.  That really is a ridiculous entrance for everybody…whose idea was that, I wonder.  Time for my Idol fix, yes indeed.  Ryan suggests we imbibe a few pints to really enjoy the show….good thing the Hubby has already taken that suggestion.  <snicker>  OOoooooOOOOoooo, this is Country Week!!  Love it.  Seacrest points out how much Simon hates country.  If the kiddies make it to the top 10, they get to sing on the summer tour, so this week is a big deal for everybody.  Make sure you vote.  Yeah, yeah.  Here’s an introduction to country music and the Grand Ole Opry…for the youngins’ who have no idea what that is.  Miss Carrie Underwood is a member of the Opry….awwwww….she was very excited about that.  Randy Travis is the kiddies’ mentor this week.  He’s classic.  Randy Travis is impressed with the kiddies….well he should be.

 

The Roughneck is up first.  Randy likes him.  He’s singing Ain’t Going Down Till The Sun Comes Up.  It’s a very wordy song….I have my fingers crossed.  He’s got a harmonica guy playing with him which was neat.  He’s got a great country voice.  It’s a fun song, but he’s not singing a whole lot of it….mostly seems like melodic talking.  But he’s got the audience going and that’s important.  A good country yawlp at the end of the whole thing….Randy thinks it was a cool song choice, but it didn’t show a lot of your vocal capabilities….and he’s right but this country.....come on.  Kara says we got to see a lot of your personality, but she missed the big notes.  She’s impressed that he remembered all the words.  The Roughneck says country music is about having some fun.  Paula says it’s a great song and she had fun, she thinks country suits him…I translated that from all her blathering.  Simon couldn’t understand any of it….a bit clumsy, but you came over as a country singer who’s a likeable guy and kind of karaoke.  Roughneck says if we were all perfect, we wouldn’t need this show.  Snap!  Simon gives it a 1.2 out of 10.  Ouch!  Come ON Simon…we like him.  Be nice.

 

Red is singing Blame It On the Heart after the break.  Randy is impressed that her voice is so mature, but he didn’t like her dancing.  HAhahahahaha.  Cool leather jacket on and she’s all dolled up.  I think she looks great.  And I think this sounds pretty great too!  I like her, she’s fun.  I just want to smack Kara with that dress on…Kara thinks she could sing the alphabet....which I think most people learn to do pretty early on in life but whatever, you made the song your own, you’re getting better every week.  Paula says it was a rock solid performance, no one will ever be able to take away the rock edge to your voice but she wants her to experiment a little.  Simon thought it was good, and he thought she was struggling remembering the words….he said it was verging on precocious.  But that’s a good thing.  Randy thinks it was dope…whatever that means.  I think they all like her.  Seacrest says it was dopely precocious…<sigh>….you’re an idiot Ryan.

 

Kris is singing Make You Feel My Love by Garth Brooks.  Randy calls him a strong ballad singer…I don’t think he likes him very much.  More guitar playing.  Oh wait….no guitar for the performance just for the rehearsal.  Black shirt and tan pants out of Ryan’s closet.  A nice quiet slow song…very pretty.  He’s very cute.  He might be growing on me a little bit….not sure.  He almost hit the last note….almost.  Paula is pleasantly surprised, a very honest, pure and vulnerable performance…some of the low notes were a little pitchy, but she thinks it was a good choice.  Simon thinks that was terrific….YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY.  A great choice of song, completely in control of the song, didn’t go over the top, probably the first time I heard you that I genuinely think you have a shot in this competition.  Randy thinks it was a cool, tender moments from my dawg…out on a limb.  He likes it.  Kara didn’t even know it was a country song, very beautiful.  Simon says, very good, again.  <smile>  He’s cute enough to go through to the next round.

 

Now it’s Lil Rounds’ turn.  Ryan tells us to go to the AI website…now he’s chatting with Lil…..BOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING.  Let’s get to the singing.  We don’t care about the stupid couch.  Lil is not a big country singer.  She’s kind of nervous….but she wants to honor country and not make it too R & B.  She’s singing Independence Day by Martina McBride.  Randy thought she needed to slow it down a little bit….but he thinks she has a huge voice.  I love this song, I hope she does a good job.  Pretty red dress.  Holy cow….she does have a huge voice….up until she got to the refrain, it was just ok….but that was amazing.  That last note gave me chills.  Beautiful.  Randy said the same thing I just wrote…but he said it didn’t feel comfortable, he called it alright.  Kara says that part of being an artist is to do what you feel.  She said the second half was better than the first half.  She said you have an amazing voice, you’d have to be deaf not to know that.  Paula thinks she looks great….she thinks she should have sang just one verse and then gone straight to the chorus.  Simon called her Little….it kind of came over as if you were one of those girls at a wedding that was being forced to sing a song that was requested…..Simon thinks she could have sung something else.  He thinks that wasn’t her.  Seacrest says Randy calls Simon the Little Judge behind closed doors…..okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.  And whatever they say, this girl is going to the next round.  She’s too good not to.

 

Dramadama is next and he’s dressed like Billy Idol.  What the hell.  He picked the song because he likes the words.  He picked Ring of Fire with a middle eastern flair…Randy is speechless.  It’s weird.  Randy gives him points for being unique.  The nail polish threw him off too.  Drama…boys stop wearing nail polish in high school….come on.  This is a very weird arrangement.  I really don’t like it.  This song, the Johnny Cash version (think Daughtry singing Johnny Cash) is so friggin good….why would you mess it up like this.  Yucky.  I really want to just forward through this….he’s screeching….blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.  Kara said that was very interesting…she tries to call it country…..she says it was all a little strange and then she calls it Egyptian….<shaking my head>….she doesn’t know what to say….blabber blabber blabber.  Confused and sort of happy.  Paula says you really stand out and you’re true to who you are as an artist, a great song choice, blah blah blah.  The girls obviously like him for no reason.  Simon says, I think what Randy was trying to say was what the hell was that.  He thinks there are a lot of people throwing their television sets out the window.  Absolute indulgent rubbish.  YES.  THANK YOU.  Really really horrific.  Randy thinks the greatest thing about it was that it was NIN doing a country song.  Right.  Except if Trent Reznor did that, it would have been good.  Totally ridiculous.  This guy annoys me. 

 

Scott is singing Wild Angels by Martina McBride.  Randy thinks the tempo is a little slow….but he surprised Randy the most.  He’s playing the piano, which of course sounds wonderful.  Pretty song.  Pretty voice.  The falsetto was a little off….,but as usual a good solid performance.  I don’t think he’s going to win, but I think he’s already gotten himself a career.  Which is good.  The audience goes nuts when he’s done, by the way.  Paula says another impressive, lovely performance.  Paula thinks the piano might be a crutch and it separates you from the audience….Scott suggests they move the piano closer.  Hahahahahahahaha.  Simon thinks that was a stupid thing to say….he thinks there’s nothing wrong with sitting behind a piano…he suggests Elton John or Billy Joel not play the piano.  He thinks the performance this week was a lot like last week.  Simon thinks he needs to pick better songs.  Randy is trying to say something, while Paula and Simon continue to bicker.  Randy thinks it’s been nice, but it needs to stand out.  Kara says up your game….Simon keeps saying just choose better songs.  Kara says you bring class and poise to the stage….because you’re blind....just kidding but she always give me the impression she's being extra nice because of that.  Scott agrees to play without the piano at some point…but he’s not going to tell us when.  <chuckle>  The guy is actually pretty funny. 

 

Dolly is singing a Dolly song.  Well good.  That makes me happy.  I hate these chats with the kiddies…so boring.  She picks Jolene.  Pretty song.  Randy says she understands what telling the story is about….Randy thinks Dolly will be proud.  Pretty black dress.  Um…..she’s kind of off at the beginning.  Oooooooo….really off.  Yikes.  Oh honey….that was kind of bad.  Randy thinks there was a bunch of pitch problems…she tried to bend it a little too much, a good choice but it didn’t work.  Kara thinks she lost her edge a little bit, she didn’t like the choice.  She called it flat.  Paula thinks it was a little more effective for her, because she tried to show a different side to her.  She didn’t care about the pitch problems...right because it's not actually a singing competition.  Simon says it was ok…it sounded a lot like the original.  He thinks everybody is going to forget it in about 10 minutes.  She promises to get ‘dirty’ next week if she’s still here….<sigh>….

 

Ironman is singing next…he got nervous in front of Randy.  He keeps messing up….ahhhhhhhhhhh…..he’s singing Jesus Take The Wheel.  Great song.  Randy likes the soulfulness in his voice.  I hope he does well.  Weird white jacket on….he sounds uncomfortable.  But he’s got a great voice…..the chorus sounds amazing….that’s when he finally sounded like himself again.  He’s adorable and he pulled through that.  Great job.  The audience won’t stop.  Oh Danny boy.  Kara says when you hit your stride, you’re like no other.  The front half of the song was no good, but the power notes were a great connection.  Paula kind of disagrees…because she says he was building it up.  She thinks he was brilliant.  Simon agrees with Paula, you can’t start the song full on.  Simon just doesn’t like the outfit.  He looks like he’s going on a polar expedition….HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Good one.  Randy agreed with Kara, the verses need to be supported, they were kind of pitchy.  Get it together!  You’re a great singer.  The judges keep blathering on…but they obviously love him.  He’s definitely safe.  So cute.

 

Anoop de Loop Loop is singing after the break.  For some reason, I don’t picture him singing country.  He’s singing You’re Always On My Mind.  Randy is impressed.  Anoop de Loop Loop is motivated by Simon’s comments last week.  A great Willy Nelson song.  Beautifully done.  I’m being serious.  This was a beautiful song.  I think he may have redeemed himself with that one….Paula says you’re back!  She’s proud of him for picking a song he could do his own interpretation with….tender, honest, amazing, sweet vocals.  Simon says you have just managed to go from zero to hero, that was one of my most favorite performances of the night.  Good that you took a beating last week and didn’t whine about it, you do deserve to be here.  Randy says this is why we wanted you in this competition, great arrangement.  Kara says blah blah blah, what everybody else said.  Great job Anoopy.

 

Tattoo is singing I’m Going Walking After Midnight.  Randy says it was totally unique….he says you’d have to like it if she nails it.  This is a great country song.  Tattoo is wearing some weird hippy dress that makes her boobs look huge and she still does that stupid shuffle thing that I can’t stand.  This style is starting to kind of get on my nerves…but it is different….she kind of missed a few notes in the middle there.  It was ok, but I think we may have just found our first candidate for leaving next week.  Randy thinks it might have been a train wreck, but he thinks it was pretty good.  He thinks it worked, a good choice for her.  Huh?  Kara says perfect song, perfect look.  Kara points out that Tattoo has the flu and that was really hard.  Paula points out that Tattoo was in the hospital…blah blah blah….keep being sick because you sounded great.  Simon says you look gorgeous, and that was better than last week, but he thinks her stylist is doing her up a little bit.  Whatever…she’s sick….not good enough.

 

Dumbo is singing Carrie Underwood, So Small.  Randy said it was very soulful, he was surprised.  He wants to make it emotional and heartfelt.  Dumbo is singing at the piano…pretty.  Nice suit...straight out of Swingers.  It sounds nice, but it’s not that exciting….until he gets to the chorus and turns it on….then it sounds great.  Paula is standing.  The pills must have kicked in.  Huh…he kind of missed that last note, but all in all pretty good.  Not great….but pretty good.  Kara says, there ain’t nothing small about you………..<pause>…………..ok.  Blah blah blah.  Paula says his authenticity is wonderful and whatever….you’re piercing through people’s hearts…..blah blah blah.  Simon says you haven’t had enough credit for your vocals.  You’re very similar to Ironman, but tonight you outsang him.  You remind me of Michael Buble.  Randy says his favorite performance of the night….you got it going on.

 

Holy cow…he was the last one?  It’s over already?  You know what….country week is historically pretty awful and this season it was pretty good.  I know Simon doesn’t like country, but he wasn’t itching in his skin by the end of the night like he usually is….so I’d consider it a success.  I think Tattoo is in trouble….Dolly might be in trouble too.  I wish Dramadama was going to be in trouble for that ridiculous rendition….but I’m sure he won’t be. 

 

We’ll see tomorrow.

Later gators,

Heather

 

p.s. Happy St. Patty's Day and all that.  By the way, St Patrick was not Irish....he used the shamrock to teach the pagan Irish to accept Christianity so soldiers pinned the shamrocks to their uniforms to bring them protection in battle (wearing the green)....other than that there's not a whole lot you can point to that makes the Irish......lucky.  And there are no snakes in Ireland.  But it's a fun holiday and a good excuse to eat and drink things that have been dyed green.  Cheers.  May your home always be too small to hold all of your friends.

 

It is 9 pm in 24-land.  It’s getting kind of late, huh?  The day started at 8 am, if you can remember that far back.  Jack is on the run from Evil Jack who is trying to frame him for the murder of the Travel Agent.  That’s where we’re at right now.  So Jack steals a car…..come on……like we’re supposed to believe he can hot wire that thing.  Is glass in old cars really that easy to break?  Cut over to the FBI and Morris is like, where the hell is my wife.  Fake Chloe says, I really shouldn’t tell you this but she’s been arrested, now wait in the conference room.  Then Larry calls Fake Chloe and fills her in on Jack’s ridiculous situation….of course Larry thinks he’s guilty as hell.  Because Larry is a self-righteous nimrod.  So Dumbdumb wanders over to Fake Chloe and is like, hey what’s going on with Jack?  And Fake Chloe says, well I really shouldn’t tell you this but Burnett is dead, Jack was there and now he’s missing.  Doesn’t look good…..so Dumbdumb goes to her office to pack up since she’s been suspended.  And then Jack calls….he needs her help identifying Evil Jack and she pauses a LOT during this scene, but you just knew she was going to help….because she’s in loooOOOOOooooove with Jack now.  Then cut over to Evil Jack who hears on the super secret FBI/police radio channel that Jack is still alive.  So Evil Jack calls Jon Voight to tell him.  The guy who is playing his second-in-command looks familiar.  The actor’s name is Rory Cochrane.  Yes, I had to find out or it would have annoyed me forever.  He was in Empire Records a million years ago and is starring the upcoming blockbuster bonanza Public Enemies (Johnny Depp, Christian Bale, Giovanni Ribisi, etc etc).  Anyhoo…..JV’s Number 2 seems to be having doubts about his evil mastermind plan and JV starts screaming at him that you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs….well not exactly, he’s actually spouting off about collateral damage and how nobody really cares about a few dead people.  He asks 2, you’re ok with this, right?  Hmmmmm…..I’m thinking he’s not really that ok with it.  Whatever It is…..so JV says, wake up the troops.

 

Dumbdumb calls Jack back and tells him that Evil Jack works for Starkwood.  Starkwood is a private army that is contracted out to the highest bidder, basically.  Jack doesn’t understand how they could be connected to Juma….and Dumbdumb says the Senator would know and she goes to find out where he is….Agent Larry goes to talk to Dumbdumb and he acts all nice even though he suspended her.  Then, when he leaves her office he tells Fake Chloe that Dumbdumb was talking to Jack…he just knows it.  Good instincts Larry.  He tells Fake Chloe to spy on Dumbdumb and hopefully she’ll lead them to Jack.

 

Back at the White House…..the White House story is never that interesting to me…..not sure why.  Here’s the gist of it.  Olivia hates Kanin.  Kanin hates Olivia.  Kanin is responsible for the Travel Agent dying, basically.  That story gets leaked to the press.  Kanin blames Olivia, but she has a cover story and deflects the blame to someone else.  Which makes Kanin look like an even bigger jerk for accusing her.  That’s it.  That’s all that happened the whole episode but they dragged it out soooooooooooooooooooo much.

 

Agent Larry stops Dumbdumb in the hallway and screams WHERE IS HE???  That’ll work, Larry.  Dumbdumb says, I can’t tell you.  So he arrests her.  Meanwhile, Jack drops in on the Senator at his house.  He’s there to see the files on Starkwood, since the Senator was investigating them.  The Senator makes small talk by telling Jack what he thinks of him….nice….everybody has an opinion on Jack, don’t they.  He calls him an enigma.  I wish someone would call me an enigma….that would be cool. 

 

Back at the FBI, Fake Chloe cannot decrypt the file that Dumbdumb sent to Jack with the Senator’s address….so Agent Larry blackmails Morris into helping them so that Chloe won’t go to jail.  He decrypts the file in about 20 seconds….<chuckle>…..aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh Morris….I still wish you hadn’t done that.  Chloe is released and is of course extremely unappreciative.  Morris says, you’ve helped him enough.

 

Now, here is the scene of the show.  The Senator and Jack are talking.  Jack talks about his regret.  He regrets the world even needs people like him.  <smile>  But it does….doesn’t it.  He says, where I work things get a lot messier than up on the Hill.  The Senator is talking about setting examples and being holier than thou and all that nonsense.  Jack says, you make it sound so simple.  Idealistic people always do.  Make it sound simple.  When they get past the light motif of the entire season and show, we find out that Starkwood was accused of bribing Pentagon officials and trying to obtain a bio-weapon.  The light bulb goes off….Jack knows Juma was developing a bio-weapon and testing it on his people and then would destroy the village so that there was no evidence of the genocide.  Now the Senator offers to help Jack….police are knocking at the door…..the Senator says it’s time to start trusting the institutions you have been protecting.  Jack says he’s a little short on trust.  But then he agrees…..WHAT?!?!  Why would you do that Jack?!?!?!?  Maybe he’s tired of saving the world by himself….but whatever the reason, of course it doesn’t turn out well.  The Senator is shot and killed, because it’s not the police, it’s Evil Jack.  Jack gets away. 

 

He lures Evil Jack into a mobile home or a trailer or something with a convenient blood trail.  Dude.  Even I saw this coming…..Jack bulldozes the trailer, which was kind of funny….and then the cage match started.  This was by far and away the best fight scene they’ve ever had on the show.  Kind of anticlimactic, because Evil Jack just gets stabbed in the end.  But totally brutal….a Super Spy Killing Machine Showdown.  But Jack wins.  Which we all knew was going to happen.  He asks Evil Jack to tell him where the weapons are before he dies….and Evil Jack says, they’re already here.  Uh oh.  And then he finds Evil Jack’s phone and lookey lookey….there’s an address, conveniently left on the text messages. 

 

Agent Larry, naturally, thinks Jack has killed the Senator and orders him to be shot on sight.  You know, Larry….there’s a little something I learned about from another TV show called EVIDENCE.  Get the CSI in there…..you can’t just go around assuming everybody is a murderer…..

 

So Jack calls Tony.  Finally.  I keep wondering where Tony goes during all this…..so he needs Tony’s help.  And then he steals another truck.  How many vehicles has he stolen so far?  This must be like the 17^th one……anyway, he’s off to the docks to get the weapons to keep the evil heartless soulless private mercenaries from destroying his country. 

 

 

I am starting to imagine that Jack may be shot at the end of all this.  This may be the last season of Jack Bauer.  It’s starting to feel like it’s all going to be over soon….and Jack will get his redemption.

 

 

I hope.

 

 

Later gators,

Heather

Seacrest walks out on stage, wearing a very nice black pinstripe suit.  His tie is all askew.  It’s irritating that he’s not fixing that.  33 million votes were cast.  He says, let’s hear it for the kiddies.  Fix your tie, Ryan.  Here’s your chance while we introduce the judges – Randy wearing one of his black cardigans, Kara wearing a black frock type thing, Paula with her beads and boobs and Simon in the safe and expected black.  The new rule that everybody was talking about is a Judge’s Save.  It has to be a unanimous vote.  They can use it one time during the season.  If they decide to use it, no one goes home that week but then two people are voted out the next week.  Huh.  So, if you’d come up with this earlier my Daughtry may have lasted a little longer….oh…..did I say ‘my’ Daughtry.  Hehehehehehehe….I meant just Daughtry.  So anyway, the rule makes sense to me.  I guess Simon got tired of relying on a. the taste of the masses to pick the best singers and b. their non-laziness to actually pick up the phone and vote.  I have to admit, I’m one of the non-voters.  I do vote occasionally….but not often.  I did vote for Daughtry though.

 

We get a tour of the new Idol House.  Some Hollywood or Beverly Hills mansion.  It is ridiculously humungous.  I’m not saying I wouldn't stay there for a while, like staying in a hotel.  But can you imagine living in a place that huge?  I’m not sure it would ever get that cozy, comfy, ‘this place is way too small for us’ feel.  HAHAHAHAHAHA….yes.  Yes.  I can imagine living in a place like that.  Next, the kiddies sing their song and just like last week I am weirdly focused on Scott and his choreography.  The kiddies take his arm and lead him around a bit, but a lot of it is just him dancing.  The song was….<shaking my head>……not great.  A medley of Jackson 5 hits.  Then there’s the recap of last night’s singing.  I did listen to the recap, because I was making my cocoa at the time and wow…..not so good, was it?  Sounded a lot worse when they play it back like this…..'Michael Jackson songs' was not a good pick for the theme of the week….I hope next week is better.  After the recap, we get to see the first Ford music video Commercial.  It’s We Will Rock You and the kiddies are plastered up on the sides of high-rise buildings.  Not creepy.  Not cool.  Just Ford…..continually trying to brainwash me into thinking I need to buy a new car right now….

 

Moving on.  Time to announce some of the results.  Once the votes are read, the decision is final….<pause>……oh.  My bad.  Wrong show.  Roughneck is the first to stand and be judged.  He’s safe….but we knew that.  Red is safe.  Good for her.  Disney…come to the center of the stage.  Well, she certainly was not one of the stronger singers, but I’d be surprised if she got voted off so early.  Dumbo is safe after thinking he wasn’t.  Cardboard Kris and Megan have to stand up together.  Now you sit down, Kris. And Tattoo come to the center of the stage with Disney.  One of you is safe and one of you is going home.  Tattoo is safe.  Disney is going home, unless the judges decide to save her.  So, she gets to sing one more time…dance, puppet, dance.  She’s wearing another cute pink dress.  She’s so cute.  But when it’s all over…Randy says, the judges talked and they decided ‘it’s a no.’  <gasp>  Disney starts to cry.  And I’m not talking a few tears….I’m talking scrunched up face crying.  I’m talking dream crusher crying.  Ryan is trying to talk her down…..but <evil grin> this is when I realized that the ‘Judge’s Save’ is really just another chance for AI to be doubly cruel to the kiddies…….awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwesome.  And now, here’s your ‘journey’ loser.  We build you way up and then chop chop chop you down.  Harsh.  <chuckle>

 

Appropriately enough, Kanye West is singing Heartless next.  I like him.  Not his personality, he’s kind of a huge d**k.  But I like his singing…he’s ok live, not super.  He’s wearing the jeans, half-hanging-off-your-ass style….which I have never liked or understood.  And he has the biggest watch in the world on.  Not a clock, like Flava….no….it’s a watch.  I’m pretty sure it’s a watch.

 

So back from the break, the top of the couch is safe, moving on to the bottom row.  Not the Deaf Guy is safe, Dolly is safe, Ironman is safe, Anoop de Loop Loop come to the center of the stage.  But we knew that.  And Anoop knew that.  Dramadama is safe.  Jorge and Lil, please stand up.  Oh….come ON.  Lil is safe.  Obviously.  Jorge come to the center of the stage with Anoop.  But, before we find out who it is –

 

The Original Idol, ladies and gentlemen, Miss Kelly Clarkson.  Singing the awesomely titled song – ‘My Life Would Suck Without You’.  She’s put on a little bit of weight, but you know she’s so pretty and soooooooooooooooooooo talented, it doesn’t matter.  She looks great.  And she can sing <whistle> MAN, can she sing.  She blew Kanye out of the water.  That’s a pretty good song too….

 

So, Anoop de Loop Loop is safe.  Jorge is singing for his life now.  But he doesn’t get a reprieve from Simon.  He just gets a NO.  No time wasted on sweet talking the guy, huh Simon.  And here is your Idol Journey, loser.  The Loser song this year is Carrie Underwood singing Home Sweet Home.  This caused the Hubby to start grumbling and complaining immediately.  As you know….not a huge country fan…..on top of that Motley Crue was our era, basically…..and now Carrie is singing that….he was not happy about it.  He kept asking me, why don’t they play the Crue version?  That’s the only version.  Are kids gonna seriously think this is how you sing this song now?  Mumble mumble, grumble grumble.  This was the only thing he bothered to comment on during the whole show, so I guess I should be thankful about that.

 

Well….I was pretty sure it would be Anoopy and Something Puerto Rican.  So, at least I got one right.  Disney was way out of her league anyway, but she could be her own Disney superstar if she gets marketed the right way.  I’m not too worried about her.  And Puerto Rico will probably have a parade for Jorge, so I’m not too worried about him either.  The Hubby, as usual, immediately deleted the recording and moved on to the next thing before I could hear what’s in store for us next week….so I’ll be surprised along with anybody else who missed it.

 

Later gators,

Heather

 

p.s. I hope you are all watching Lie to Me on at 8 now.  Tim Roth is a favorite of mine….they are calling him the new House.  Maybe because they’re both British….but who knows.  He was most recently in the Incredible Hulk, but also in Reservoir Dogs (Mr. Orange).  It’s a cool show, watch at least one episode.

Tonight is the final 13.  I think the judges and everybody else might regret having 13 finalists….especially considering the 866 number ending in 13 goes to a phone sex line….Seacrest must have said 3 billion times last night, dial carefully.  HAHAHAHAHAHA….there goes that “family show” image AI was desperately holding onto.  <chuckle>  So anyway, Ryan is wearing a very nice suit tonight, red tie.  And then the judges get introduced like a basketball team…..coming out center stage altogether.  That was very different.  Randy is wearing red and black, Kara has a modestly glamorous black dress on, Paula is wearing something with white feathers…..um……are feathers in?  And Simon is wearing black.  Just to mix it up a little bit.  Seacrest gets advice from all the judges for the kiddies singing, and they’re basically like don’t screw up….apparently two people are going home this week.  Huh.  The kiddies are singing Michael Jackson songs….so this should be really interesting.

 

Lil Rounds is the first to sing.  They do a little blurb on her and her family and life in Tennessee.  She’s the one living in a motel because a tornado destroyed her house.  Remember?  So, she’s singing The Way You Make Me Feel.  She has such a big voice.  What is up with the pink ruffles and white pants?  The outfit is kind of ridiculous….like Paula dressed her….she looks like an Easter egg.  Randy says for the 8 millionth time, this is how we kick off season 8.  Randy.  Dawg.  We have KICKED off Season 8 already….let’s MOVE ON.  He says, you gave the song a new spin and made it new again.  <shaking my head>  Randy likes to repeat himself repeat himself.  Kara says the other contestants are like, uh oh.  She wants to hear Lil on the radio.  Paula, naturally, likes her outfit.  She says Lil is a force to be reckoned with, her voice is like angels singing……<pause>…………is this the Paula we know and love……the hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh Paula?  I hope soooooooooooooo!!  Simon thought it was a lazy song choice and he hates what she’s wearing.  <chuckle>  Good.  I’m glad somebody is paying attention.  Seacrest says, is she supposed to get advice from you?  And Simon goes, give me five minutes and I’ll sort you out.  Everybody reacted like he was talking about molesting her or something….but ‘sort you out’ is not British for ‘molesting you’.  Like most British sayings, it can mean one of about ten thousand different things.  In this case, obviously, it meant picking out an outfit that doesn’t make you look like a flamingo.

 

Scott is singing second.  We journey back to Arizona, Scottsdale….I hope his parents didn’t name him after the town…..anyway, his sister is visually impaired too.  Is ‘blind’ not pc?  Or is it just not technically accurate?  Whatever…..his parents are extremely supportive.  He sings Keep the Faith, with the piano.  It is a very pretty performance, he has a strong voice.  Kara wants to know if he just learned it this week on the piano….yes, he did.  I imagine he can learn things pretty quickly on the piano.  Anyway, she says we got to see a whole different side to him and I’m not terribly sure what she’s talking about since this is the same kind of thing he always sings.  She says you have a hopeful message, not the most dynamic singer but true to yourself…..<pause>…..not the most dynamic singer?  What does she mean by that?  Paula called it magical.  It’s amazing you can sing even though you’re blind!  <smacking myself>  Negative karma points for that one….obviously she didn’t say that……Simon hated the song choice, but likes Scott.  Randy thought it was a safe choice.

 

Moving on to Ironman.  Finally, we get to hear him again.  We travel to Wisconsin to visit with his musical family.  Dad made them sing everything, from homework to chores….like they’re the VonTrapps.  He picked PYT.  He’s wearing a tweed jacket and a red shirt and as usual he is totally adorable.  I thought the performance was pretty good.  I still really like him.  Paula says it’s amazing that I can tell it’s you even with my eyes shut……….<pause>………….somebody smell that Coke.  She predicts he’s going to be in the finals.  Simon says the vocals were brilliant, the dancing was hideous, well done.  Randy loved it all, even the dancing.  Kara says you have joy.  And I guess that’s a good thing to have….he really is adorable.

 

Then it’s time to hear the Roughneck again.  And we’re in Texas visiting with the family and his fellow Roughnecks.  He sings You’re Not Alone.  Another big voice, very pretty.  Simon says you’re not the best singer, but you made up for it with passion and heart.  I agree.  Then he said, I wish we knew what you do for a living?  HAHAHAHAHAHA….and then the Roughneck goes, ‘Hopefully this.’  Oh, snap!  Good answer.  Randy is happy the Roughneck returned to the R&B style, he thinks he was one of the best so far….Kara says, you really can sing.  <pause>  Thanks Kara for that invaluable insight.  Paula says you’re likeable, a regular guy with extraordinary talent, you colored it up.  And then they get a shot of his kid with a shirt on that says ‘Vote 4 My Daddy’………..and that just guaranteed it.  Cute kids are like kryptonite. 

 

Disney is up after the oil rigger and she gets to talk about the Glam Squad, taking everybody shopping for wardrobe and doing their make-up and hair.  That does sound like an awful lot of fun…Disney is from Mississippi and she’s the baby of the family.  She sings I’ll Be There.  She’s wearing a cute little pink dress, she really is pretty.  This sounds a little flat to me, but let’s be honest, she was picked because she’s cute, so that may still be enough.  Randy points out that he recorded this song with Mariah Carey….<sigh>….he thought she did a pretty good job, wasn’t that bad….I guess that was a compliment.  Kara says you surprised me too, you have great stage presence, you sold it.  Paula says you have tremendous composure and poise, you had some brilliant moments, but a few notes were off.  <frowny>  What happened to high Paula?  Now all we have is rambling Paula and not only that, we have one that is making some sense, and that is so boring!  Simon says it was a good attempt, a little bit robotic, lighten up a bit, you’re like a little girl trying to be a grown-up.  Come on Disney….you’ve got this in the bag.  Ladies and gentlemen, the star of High School Musical 8.

 

Cardboard Kris is from another music family in Arkansas (AK is Alaska…I always get that wrong).  He’s been married for five months….wow….is he old enough to be married?  He looks like such a kid.  He’s hoping the sacrifice is going to pay off.  He is singing Remember The Time, with his guitar.  Seems like a weird song to sing with the guitar.  It sounded pretty good though.  A little off when he got carried away by it.  Kara says the girls love you.  She’s happy to see him with his guitar, a few notes a little off, and you spent time helping the other contestants.  Paula tries to speak, but Simon is harassing her…and after Seacrest settles the kids down, she says the reason why you helped the other contestants is nobody knows MJ songs better….you’re engaging and adorable-sexy.  Nice Paula….you could at the very least pick one that isn’t married….Simon says it was interesting, the song didn’t suit the guitar, and he wouldn’t have brought out the wife so early.  <pause>  WHAT?!?!  Then they cut to a shot of the wife….who looks totally pathetic and deflated.  Oh Simon, oh no you di-idn’t.  What a d**k thing to say…..Then Randy says – very well job done.  <even longer pause>  That’s not a joke….that is exactly what he said.  Paula must be passing around the pills.  This is ridiculous.

 

Red is singing next.  She’s from California and her parents are Salvadorian.  She goes on and on about how great they are and says she was blessed with awesome parents.  Honey…you just made their day.  She is singing Give It To Me. Got her punk outfit on and her rocker voice really sounds nice.  I don’t know how well it went over, but I like her voice.  Paula asks are you 16 or 17?  She’s 16.  Or 17….I wasn’t paying attention to that.  And then she says you’re very poised, you’re a rock star, stay authentic.  Simon says it was a good performance, at least we know exactly who you are, lighten up a bit.  Randy says you got it, you’re one to watch.  Kara says don’t change, you distinguish yourself as a rocker.  How much does somebody want to bet me that they’ll be asking her to sing something different by next week…..

 

Anoop de Loop Loop is doing the thriller dance backstage before the break….I hope that’s not the song he’s singing.  He was really surprised by the 13 decision last week.  He’s from North Carolina, he was bored as a kid, only child, and he’s living the American Dream according to the parentals.  No, he’s not singing Thriller…..he’s singing Beat It.  Oh boy….he looks like he’s a little different, a little bit tougher.  He does have a very good voice and I thought it was ok.  Paula and Simon are arguing over whose turn it is, so Paula ends up saying I think that song is untouchable.  Simon says it was horrible, no aggression, light weight, karaoke, you looked stupid, a really bad impersonation.  Wow.  Randy says it was very karaoke.  Kara says I agree but we didn’t get any variation from the original song.  Now Simon regrets putting Anoopi into the final 13….not worth this 1-866 number fiasco, is he?  I honestly don’t think it was as bad as all that….but what do I know?

 

Something Spanish….can I say Spanish?  Or does it have to be Hispanic?  Anyway, he’s from Puerto Rico, in case you forgot and he has a huge family.  They like to dance.  He sings Never Can Say Goodbye.  He’s got some weird looks into the camera, reminiscent of Constantine.  Not that bad….but kind of oogey.  He sounded good, I just didn’t like the song.  Randy says he wouldn’t have chosen that song, a couple pitch points.  Kara says you’re one of the most emotional singers but we didn’t feel it tonight.  Paula says not the right song.  Simon called it corny, out of your depth, arrangement was old-fashioned, and he couldn’t wait for it to end.  So far he’s on the list to go home….

 

Tattoo is singing After Spanish Hispanic.  Her dress looks really weird, unless she has a completely square body, she should have picked something a little more flattering.  She’s divorced, from Utah and her son is her whole world.  <pause>  Stop using these kids to get us all flustered….that is so unfair.  She is singing….Rockin Robin.  Huh?  Is that a Michael Jackson song?  I love this song and you know what….her crazy voice kind of works with this….and her crazy dancing…..and then she did some weird bird noise at the end of it.  I don’t know….maybe I’m on some Paula Pills too or maybe the arsenic the Hubby has been lacing my cocoa with for the last decade is finally starting to affect me…..Kara said it was not an overwhelming vocal performance, but you have a very unique voice.  I’m sure she said something else….but she’s just so hard to listen to sometimes…..Paula says you have a very quirky voice, but I felt disconnected from the song.  HAHAHAHAHA.  That’s because you’re high Paula.  Simon says, well you know we like you, but that was a really stupid song choice, it was clumsy and awkward and then he asks Gordon Ramsey what he thought because he was in the audience except he didn’t have a mic and nobody could hear what he was saying but it must have been good because Simon goes, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.  <chuckle>  Okey dokey.  Randy says it was a weird song choice, it didn’t let you be you.  And you gotta be you.  Because if you’re not you, you’re somebody else….and that never turns out well.  <evil grin>  I know, the karma points are going right down the drain….I think I could be a judge on this show though….right?

 

Dramadama is from California and moved to Hollywood right out of high school.  That gives him some experience with the pressure.  He’s singing Black and White….which seems like a weird choice to me.  And there it is, that Elvis snarl.  More screaming………still sounds like George Michael.  The audience loved it.  Apparently, Dramadama is the popular favorite to win…..but I don’t really like this guy.  He could be the lost Jonas brother, I guess….which will probably get him very very far.  Paula says everybody is going nuts, she can’t remember seeing someone so comfortable on stage, you have an innate ability to know who you are as a performer <smile>, and she predicts he will be in the finals too, is she crying?  Paula you are such a train wreck.  Simon says you are in a totally different league from anyone else, it was an original version, the vocals were terrific, people will be talking about it.  Let’s not get carried away Simon.  Randy says you are the most current contestant, if you got it, you got it and you got it.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  That should be on a bumper sticker.  Kara hopes Michael Jackson is watching.  He probably is, from his spaceship orbiting the planet.  Thanks for creeping me out Kara.

 

Dumbo is next to last.  He’s from Michigan and he was very energetic as a kid.  His papa is very proud and proud papas always get me.  But they’re not as good as kids….kids trump papas.  He’s singing Human Nature on the piano.  It sounds ok, lots of falsetto….I’ll jump ahead a little here and say that the recap of him singing this seemed to sound better to me.  Randy says there were a couple of pitch points but pretty good.  Kara says you’re very talented.  Paula says you’re talented, sexy and authentic, she was blown away.  Simon says very good, very meat and potatoes, solid performance.  And you can tell they’re rushing again.  Somebody must have yelled about them being so over last week…I don’t have to rush though.  I like Dumbo.  I don’t think he can win, but I like him, he should stick around.

 

The last to sing is Dolly, the pixie from Tennessee.  She’s from another music family and she works hard as a mom and she’s crying and that was really sweet.  Using the kids again….good idea.  She’s singing Dirty Diana.  It’s a cute outfit and the performance was pretty good.  Kara says you’re back!  You’re a naughty girl and I liked it.  <scrunching up my face in a confused way>  What?  I wouldn’t call that performance naughty….don’t be crass Kara.  Man….I am really starting to despise her.  Paula says watch your over-singing.  Simon says that wasn’t as good as you thought it was….oh ho ho ho…..okay.  I have no idea what Randy said….and honestly I didn’t care anymore so I didn’t even rewind it.  Sorry.  Why don’t I make something up….he said, that was pretty good, pretty good. 

 

Apparently something different is going to happen with the voting off tomorrow.  Two people are going home….maybe, I guess, I don’t know what they’re talking about now, something that has something to do with the judges getting involved and Simon doesn’t think we’ll like it. 

 

I do know that Kanye West and Kelly Clarkson (eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!) are singing tomorrow.  If it’s two people, I have a sinking suspicion it’s going to be Jorge and Anoop de Loop Loop….and that’s too bad, because I like them.  Thanks to Ricky and the Band.  Thanks to you.

 

Later gators,

Heather

So Jerry just got voted out on the last episode.  But Erinnnnnnnnnnnnn came kind of close.  Coach has more reasons to despise Erinnnnnnnnnnnnn since she picked Brendan to be the leader instead of him.  But instead of being bitter about it, the next morning he defers to Brendan as the new leader of Timber.  I’m being totally sarcastic about the bitter part, by the way.  Coach thinks he’s a Discovery Channel star, can live in the wild for years at a time on termites and muddy river water, and should be leading this tribe to victory.  <chuckle>  What an idiot.  At least he kept all that between him and America and didn’t bother to share it with the tribe….his restraint may be the only thing that saves him on this show.  At least for a little while.  The Crazy Mormon, by the way, didn’t care one way or the other who was the leader….and that guy is starting to become my favorite.

 

Back at Jellybelly, Taj explains the super secret alliance to Stephen the Nerdy New Yorker.  He’s all for it, saying he just stumbled ass-backwards into a huge opportunity.  Good call buddy.  Then back at Timber, they get the tree mail for the challenge but Brendan hasn’t talked to Sierra yet about the challenge….so she won’t know why she’s getting voted into Exile….or who to pick to go with her.  Good job Brendan…keep it a secret from everybody…..including the people who are supposed to know.

 

The challenge is weight-lifting basically.  Or weight bearing.  Three tribespeople (two guys and a girl) have to hold a pole across their shoulders while the other team decides who gets the sandbags hooked onto their poles.  Whoever is the last person left standing, wins reward for their tribe.  The reward seems kind of lame, the winning team gets to loot the camp of the losing team.  Really?  That’s it?  Cause clearly one of the tribes would get a lot more out of that reward than the other one….and of course two people are going to Exile.  Taj, Joe and Bama for Jellybelly and Brendan, Crazy Mormon and Debbie are for Timber.  So Brendan gets loaded down first and he’s taken out with 200 pounds on him.  The Crazy Mormon drops his pole with 140 pounds on it….which seems pretty good considering he probably only weighs 65.  So Debbie is the last Timber standing.  Then JT drops out with 220 pounds on him.  Then Joe.  So now it’s Taj against Debbie….and I think we all know who is going to win this one.  Taj does hug Debbie at the end, which I think showed a lot of good sportsmanship because Debbie was working her heart out.  So Taj picks Sicky Sierra to go to Exile and since Sicky has no idea what the hell is going on, she picks Taj.  <chuckle>  Girls only pretend to be able to read your mind Brendan….<whispering> it’s not something we can actually do….

 

So Timber is worried that Jellybelly will take all of their beans.  Why would they want your poison beans?  That’s what got Jerry voted out!!  HAHAHAHAHAHA.  So Joe and Bama show up to raid Timber’s camp and Jellybelly probably picked the two nicest guys to send….never a good idea.  Debbie successfully convinces them not to take all of the poison beans…and of course nobody bothered to thank Debbie for that….but whatever.  Salty Sandy thinks just taking one bag of poison beans was stupid.  And she kind of goes on and on about it and Sydney tells us how annoying this is to everyone.

 

Who the hell is Sydney?

 

Ok.  Meet Sydney.  Sydney is a pretty flirty blonde.  Pretty and flirty basically automatically means all the boys like you and all the girls hate you.  Sydney seems kind of dumb to me….but she can’t be that dumb because she’s totally taking advantage of her assets with the boys.  Boys are easy.  I’d love to give her more credit for the very obvious manipulating…..but I just can’t bring myself to do it.  I hate her too….because she’s pretty and flirty…..and I don’t think it’s good for my blood pressure or my karma to lie to about that.

 

Over at Exile, Taj gets the next clue at where the hidden idol is…then she fills in Sicky on the super secret alliance.  Thankfully, Sicky is totally on board.  And how did she luck her way in to this?  She picked Brendan to trust.  Lucky lucky.  Everybody is loafing around back at Timber, and then the Crazy Mormon comes waltzing in wearing just a loin cloth….<shaking my head>….Debbie starts hyperventilating.  It’s funny because the guy is really not very attractive.  He’s too skinny and he has a weird looking face…..but he is hi-larious.  Good idea to make people laugh too.  Cut over to Erinnnnnnnnnnnnnn who is incapable of laughing at anything because she just went through a really bad break-up before the show <sniffle, sniffle>.  I am crying silent tears of empathy for you Erinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.  No…no I’m not.  That’s a lie……I could really care less.  The Crazy Mormon says he’s pretty much written her off but would like to see her freak out when she gets voted off….<smile>.  Wow.  I really love that guy.

 

Time for the Immunity challenge.  So it’s another race to get the pieces and put the puzzle together challenge.  They seem to be doing a lot of these in this season, right?  The puzzle pieces are tied up in knots and Jellybelly has a lead until Sexy Sydney gets on the course and can’t figure them out.  Timber now has the lead.  The boys close the gap, and the tribes are pretty much even when they start the puzzle.  The phrase in the puzzle is “Escape the vote.  Timber wins immunity.”  Which I guess means that Jellybelly is pretty much screwed, huh….HAHAHAHAHAHA….I’m just kidding.  Obviously their puzzle said Jellybelly instead of Timber.  But it didn’t matter, because Timber finally won a challenge.  Imagine that.  How long has it been?  Like the whole show? 

 

So Jellybelly is really down.  Except for Salty Sandy, who says keep your chins up kiddies.  But in a really annoying way.  Taj thought they were due for a loss.  She’s dehydrated.  She wants to find the idol with the New Yorker but tribal is closing in fast.  Joe is kind of glad they get to vote out someone….someone whose name rhymes with ‘Andy’.  <pause>  AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….you’re hysterical Joe.  Seriously.  <pause>  Hysterical…..<sigh>.  Clearly Joe has been hypnotized by the witch Sexy Sydney.  Out in Alligator Pond, Taj is suggesting to New Yorker, Salty Sandy and Bama that they vote out the temptress….I don’t think the boys are totally convinced by her argument.  The Hubby, by the way, is snorting over on his couch and muttering things about having someone around who is easy on the eyes and that’s important for men and blah blah blah.  I will never totally understand boys, but at least you all are straight forward enough about your priorities.  I think it is fairly obvious that Salty Sandy is going to get the boot.  These guys aren’t going to vote off the temptress…..not this early in the game. 

 

The editors do their best to make it seem like it could go the other way…..but come on.  Salty Sandy over Sexy Sydney?  Those are like 50 to 1 odds…..now it’s time for Tribal Council.  Jeffy poo starts with Salty Sandy and she says she thinks she fits in really well…..awwwwwwwwww…..the delusions could be coming from heat stroke….or dehydration.  Let’s try not to make fun of her.  Then Jeffy poo kind of leads her into talking about Sydney being such a slut.  Oh…..did I say that?  Hahahaha…..that’s not what I meant to say.  She’s just wearing Bama’s underwear.  That’s all.  Ok….now if anyone seriously thought that Sydney might be getting voted out at this point in the show, pick up that stapler on your desk and beat yourself in the head with it.  You’re an idiot.  Sydney says it’s really hard being so beautiful and loved by men…..<gag, choke, gargle, scream>……Taj says she doesn’t have a problem with the men picking Sydney because she’s pretty and Jeffy poo is like ‘come on’ and Taj is like, oh no, I have NO FU**ING problem with it!!!!!!  Hahahahaha, that’s not really what she said….but it might as well have been…..very passive.  Time to vote.  Once the votes are read, the decision is final.  The person voted out will have to leave the tribal council area immediately.  It’s………<drum roll>…………..Sssssssssssssssssssssandy.  But you knew that.  Salty voted for Sexy and Taj voted for Joe….probably just so she wouldn’t have to vote for Salty.  This was the least surprised I have ever been at the outcome of a Survivor vote…

 

Later gators,

Heather

Tonight is the Wildcard show.  The Caps are on too….but I think I should stop talking about them for a little while….I think you guys are jinxes.  Seacrest has a spiffy gray suit on, like the vest.  Randy is wearing a striped Freddy Krueger sweater with a big red watch.  Kara has another Housewives of Orange County top on.  Paula, pretty Paula, has a pink leopard print disaster on.  And Simon….couldn’t decide between the white or the black, so this is a light grey.  There’s a lot to do tonight, no voting, just singing and picking so Ryan is rushing us through….the White Rabbit in Wonderland…..hold on to your hats, gentle reader, cause here we go.

 

Jessie is the first to sing.  Skinny red-headed Jessie.  She picked Tell Me Something Good.  And I don’t know….but this sounds really off to me.  I don’t know.  She sang for like a second before it was over….they really are rushing through this.  Randy said it was an interesting song choice, she didn’t sing it really well, it was just alright.  Kara likes her swagger, some notes were off key.  Paula is impressed with her tenacity and she has a lot of soul.  Simon said it was a whole lot better than the last time she sang, but it was slightly indulgent and then everyone argues with him.  We don’t have TIME for this!!!  I am already starting to panic.

 

Dumbo Ears Matt is singing second.  He picked Who’s Lovin’ You.  He’s wearing a cute Justin Timberlake hat with a weird scarf.  I thought it was pretty good…but I like him.  Very very bluesy.  Kara thanks him for doing the blues, says he can riff well, but it was a little over the top.  Paula said it was the perfect song, you did an amazing job.  America is loving you.  Simon said it was a billion times better than the last song you sang, he hates Matt’s outfit and then compares some of it to Taylor Hicks….and he meant that in a bad way…..OOOooooOOOOoooooo…..I don’t think he likes Taylor at all…..can’t imagine why.  It seems like he’s done the least with his win, out of all of them.  Randy doesn’t care what the kid is wearing, he thinks everybody else is scared that Dumbo might make it through.

 

Tattoo Girl is number three.  She is singing Black Horse and a Cherry Tree, which is the absolute perfect song for her.  I just don’t know if I like this style or her voice…..just not sure about her.  She’s doing that weird shuffle dance thing again, but I thought she sang it well.  Paula says you look beautiful, it was the right song, you’re quirky.  Simon has always liked her and still does, you are current, original, it was terrific.  Randy says it wasn’t the best, but you’re back in the right range.  Kara says I think we need you, I hope you stay.

 

Wow….I am really getting the feeling like they’ve already made up their minds before the show even started….

 

VonVon (like Bonbon) is singing fourth.  He picked Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word.  He kind of mashed down his pointy hair…so you know he’s making an effort.  But that black and white striped shirt makes him look like a serial killer........or Billie Joe from Green Day.  I don’t like him.  Simon says he loves that song, it didn’t start well, and he’s beginning to become a bit boring……nice alliteration Cowell.  Bbbbbbbbbbb Randy says this was more serious and he couldn’t find the pitch in the beginning.  Bbbbbbb Kara didn’t like the song, it was kind of dark and the rest of what Randy said.  Bbbbbbbb Paula says you’re too concerned about the technical parts and you forget about you.  You’re over-thinking it. 

 

Jasmine is singing fifth.  She picked the Christina Aguilera song – Reflection.  Nice…she sings easy songs so this should be a piece of cake.  <exasperated sigh>  I like her dress.  I guess in deference to her name, she makes this as Disney as possible.  But it was kind of flat in parts and kind of pitchy in other parts.  Randy says the song was a little too big for her.  Kara says she’s confused because she doesn’t know where the big voice came from…Paula says you look lovely, you were determined, wonderful job.  Simon says it was a pretty good job, and then he gives Paula a hard time for being too harsh…and she cuts him off and says what the hell….and sorry to burst you bubble readers, but that was totally scripted.  I caught Simon whispering to Pauler while Randy was talking.  <smile>  Anyway, he says Jasmine is back in the running….really? 

 

Ricky BOBBY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA is singing sixth.  He picked Superstition.  You know I get this guy and Matt confused a lot….they have the same ears.  It’s a yucky outfit.  I don’t like skinny jeans on boys….it looks weird.  Paula is dancing.  I thought it was ok.  Kara says you sing your butt off and you showed us your personality, good job.  Paula likes the way he loosened up, you nailed it.  Simon says you sounded good but it was a karaoke song, clumsy performance, not the best impression you could have made.  Randy called it self-indulgent.

 

Devil Woman is singing seventh.  She picked Whitney – Saving All My Love For You.  HATE HER.  Damn.  Damn damn.  Double damn damn.  She sounds great.  The Hubby is laughing so hard he practically fell off the couch….especially after he informed me he may vote for this girl just to irritate me.  Paula is befuddled by her….says you grew an accent I have never heard before and the Devil Woman tries to explain she’s like Jorge and thinks in Spanish (and an accent) when she gets worked up.  Paula says you started off a little shaky, power voice, you can sing.  S**t.  Simon says you’ve already sang this twice, why again?  And she says I couldn’t learn anything else in a day and Simon goes ‘Rubbish’….heehee…..like Gordon Ramsey.  That’s one of may favorite British words.  Rubbish!  It’s so snotty.  Randy says you’re a mixed bag, good moments and bad, like being on the high seas.  ?????????  What are you talking about Randy.  Kara says we’re getting yet another personality….at least she’s not crying.  <chuckle>  Good point Kara.  The Devil Woman is on her knees….I guess begging to get through….being stupidly dramatic….and Seacrest goes 'you don’t have to get up for me'…..<snicker>…..then he gets down on his knees when she stands up and that sounded much more R rated than I think he intended it to….

 

Anoop de Loop Loop is singing last.  He picked My Prerogative.  Again.  I still remember he sang this in Hollywood week.  It was pretty good though.  Simon says this has been a very strange night, not the best singer but people like you and we have to cast this next round with lots of personality.  [Now I'm super paranoid they have already decided.]  Randy says this was better than Hollywood week.  Kara says I don’t like to dance and you made me want to dance.  Anoop points out that’s a big accomplishment for him (North Carolina alum) coming from her (Duke alum…..which explains a lot).  Paula says some of those moves were nasty….really?  I didn’t see anything nasty….the Hubby nixed the suggestion we back it up and watch the whole thing again.  She says everybody loves you, you have a tremendous personality.  Then he sends out his support to Chapel Hill.  If you didn’t know what that was about, yesterday UNC held a memorial for Eve Carson, student body president shot and killed last year.

 

So the White Rabbit is still rushing us through and I understand now because we’re late, we’re late, we’re late!!  They are going to give me an anxiety attack with all this rushing.  Jasmine is the first one center stage….and it’s a……Yes?!?!?  Wow….that’s surprising.  I don’t think this girl is nearly good enough to get too far….she is pretty and “commercial”….but I don’t know.  No to Ricky Bobby (Hahahahahahahahaha)….dang it.  That stinks.  Now Seacrest gets Tattoo Girl and the Devil Woman up there, and I just know it’s going to be the Devil….I just know it….but it’s not.  It’s Megan.  And I am giggling in relief and delight.  Ahhhhhhh…..karma people.  I didn’t throw cans of creamed corn at the jerk in front of me in the grocery store line yesterday even though I really really wanted to.  And now it’s paying off.  The Devil Woman is crying….again…..which I think Simon kind of predicted.  She’s hogging as much attention as possible, but Seacrest can’t have this cause now we are really late.  According to Simon, Jessie nearly made it through.  Huh….I don’t think I’d want to know I ‘almost’ made it…..that would be worse I think.  No to Vonvon.  Thank goodness.  So Seacrest rushes Dumbo and Anoop to center stage and it’s Loop Loop right?  Come on….gotta be.  Nope.  It’s Dumbo.  And I am floored.  They didn’t pick anybody with personality….not the Dumbo doesn’t have personality…..but they didn’t pick any big personalities….like Devil Woman or Anoop de Loop Loop….this is very VERY surprising.

 

Hang on….Simon is still talking.  He says to Anoop, I want to tell you something, on behalf of all of us…..we think we need to have 13 people in this competition and you’re through.  WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!  What an awesome twist.  I like it when they surprise me.  That was great.  Anoop was clearly stunned.  We have no time to enjoy his happiness because Ryan speed talks through the thank yous and we’re off.

 

Wow.  Lucky 13.  Ocean’s 13.  Here they are - Roughneck, Red, Ironman, Dolly (Alexis Grace), Something Spanish (Jorge), Not the Deaf Guy (Scott), Dramadama, Lil, Cardboard Chris, Disney (Jasmine), Tattoo Girl, Dumbo and Anoop de Loop Loop.

 

The real show starts next week.  Enjoy the weather!

 

Later gators,

Heather

Ok, so no sports on tonight.  No reason for me to cry in my pillow tonight.  No reason to kick the cat.  All I have to do is sit here on the couch and be entertained by Seacrest saying “It’s a no” to as many people as possible.  I’m pretty sure the picks tonight are obvious….so let’s just get to it and hope America hasn't let me down yet again.

 

Ryan looks like he walked off the set of Reservoir Dogs tonight.  Black suit and tie, white shirt.  Let’s call him Mr. Pink.  <smile>  Randy is wearing some weird red glasses, and a bedazzled red shirt.  Kara has some slick black thing on and Paula is wearing some glamorous blue thing and they both look way over-dressed, as usual.  Simon ‘the Cowell’ is wearing black.  Ahhhhhhh…Simon, we can always count on you.

 

It’s the same old formula for the show tonight I think.  We start off with a recap of the kiddies Idol Journey.  Then it’s the group song and this was kind of interesting….not the song…..but the choreography.  Of course it didn’t occur to me that Scott couldn’t be jumping all over the stage.  So the choreography for the guys was all sitting.  Interesting….the song was terrible though.  Kind of High School Musical….stress on the high.  Then we got a recap of last night, in case you missed it and don’t read this blog….in which case, I don’t know why I’m bothering to tell you anything anyway…..hehehehehe, I love the smell of quantum physics in the morning…..smells like……my brain on fire.

 

So Mr. Pink starts chatting with the kiddies.  Nathaniel already wants another shot.  I’m surprised he’s not crying already.  Jorge thinks 78 degrees (the current temperature in California) is cold.  You know, I don’t think I would trade the weather here for a move to California.  It’s like the Twilight Zone on the West coast…..I don’t think I’d ever adapt.  Felicia is happy with her performance.  Ju-not talks again about the fact that he had his first asthma attack ever during rehearsal….that’s kind of weird.  I didn’t realize you could start getting asthma in your 20’s….so Pinky brings the lights down and asks Miss Lil Rounds to stand up.  No pomp.  No circumstance.  She’s through.  Obviously.  She does act very happy about it….not surprised.  Just happy, which is good, because she must have known she was getting through.  She does sing again…and yes, I did listen to this again (the Hubby melted into the woodwork when this came on so I can take my time with it…..and no sports, remember).  Even better than last night, if that’s possible.  This woman can sing.  <whistle>

 

Pinky tells Ariana, Taylor and Alex, Kendall and Scott to stand up.  He says one of you is through, who is it?  And the audience starts yelling out – SCOTT!  Hahahahahahaha….yeah…..out of this group, I think we can all see it coming.....that's not some kind of mean pun, please stop being freakishly obsessed with my choice of words.  After the break, it’s a no to Ariana, and to Taylor, and to Alex (frowny)……and to Kendall.  We knew that though.  Scott is genuinely happy.  He asks Pinky to square up his shoulders on stage, and then he sings again.  Listened to this one too.  No flat notes tonight.  Just beautiful.  He looks like the Greatest American Hero, doesn’t he?  With that curly hair…..of course I probably say that about all the curly blonde guys I see…..

 

Anyway, back from the break and Nathaniel and Kristy stand up.  <crossing my fingers>  Paleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease.  I will sacrifice some karma points if you just get rid of these two…..and the World loves me tonight because they’re both gone.  Then Felicia and Von stand up.  They’re both gone too, which is kind of too bad because I liked Felicia.  Dang it.  So the only two left are Ju’not (the Local) and Jorge.  Pinky starts to say we’ll find out after the break and everyone starts rolling their eyes….and then….what.  Surprise!  We’re finding out now!!  Way to change it up Pinky.  Keep us on our toes.  It’s Jorge….but I think we kind of knew that too.  Jorge blabbers something in Spanish….and Pinky says you can sing later.  Now we have to find out who is in the Wildcard show tomorrow.

 

Quick recap – only three girls through so far.  Huh.  So far it’s Alexis Grace, Red (Allison), Lil Rounds, Roughneck (Michael), Ironman (Danny), Something Witty in Spanish I Haven’t Thought of Yet (Jorge), Something Better than Blind Guy (Scott), Dramadama and Chris.  Ok, ok….so I’m still thinking of the nicknames.  You’re going to have to give me a break with Chris….that guy just doesn’t lend himself to any nicknames….

 

We're back and Simon reminds us that without the wildcard show, Jennifer Hudson and Clay Aiken would have never been on the show.  Good point.  Randy’s first pick is Von Smith…..hmmm…..really?  Simon tells him to wear a hat.  <chuckle>  His hair is kind of …..pointy.  Kara picks Jasmine Murray, I get that.  She calls Jasmine commercial and says you have to kill us with your vocals.  Please Jasmine.  Kill her.  Paula picks Ricky Bobby!!  YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Pinky calls Simon - Darth Vader…..and I feel the planets synching into alignment.  Darth Simon picks Tattoo Girl (Megan)….I kind of get that too.  She says I have to be myself and sing my heart out.  Good call, hon.

 

So, they’re only picking four more.  After the break, Randy picks Tatiana.  <pause>  <longer pause> <choke up my cocoa> <kicking the cat>  WHAT?!?!  WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!  Come ON!!!  You must be kidding.  The Devil Woman is a mess and she just keeps blubbering Thank you very much…WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.  That’s karma kids.  I wasted my points on Nathaniel and Kristy and karma just came and kicked me in the ass.  Crap.

 

Kara picks Dumbo Ears Matt….Viva la Vida guy.  That’s cool.  I like this guy.  He’s sort of cute.  He says, I gotta bring it.  Nice….glad everyone is off the drugs tonight and can easily grasp the obvious.  And yesssssssssssssssssssss….I am snippy because the Devil Woman is through.  Paula says her pick was a last minute change.  She picks Jessie.  Skinny red headed Jessie.  Betty Davis Eyes….if you forgot.  She was very good  and I get that too.  Darth Simon says this last pick was the easiest decision.  It’s Anoop de Loop Loop.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA…that’s awesome.  And I kind of didn’t see that coming.  I kind of thought it was going to be the Welder.  So Thursday is the Wildcard show.  I haven’t told the Hubby yet….maybe we just won’t mention it until it’s on……and by ‘we’, I mean me and the cat.  Jorge sings us out and this is such a pretty song.  I think Aiken did it better during his Wildcard performance…..but still, very pretty.

 

Later gators,

Heather

Ok.  Last group of twelve.  The final dozen.  The Caps are playing the Canes tonight.  After last weekend’s nightmare game against Florida….I am hoping the boys can come alive again.  Seacrest blubbers through the intro tonight.  He looks nice though, black shirt and tan trousers (that’s British for pants).  Randy is wearing a different v-neck sweater.  Kara is wearing silver so she looks extra special trashy tonight.  Paula is wearing seafoam green and lots of bling.  And Simon is wearing a grey shirt (that’s British for gray shirt).  Same format as the last two weeks, but Ryan finds it necessary to keep explaining it to us – the guy with the most votes, the girl with the most votes and the person who gets the next highest number of votes will go through to the final twelve.  We got it, we got it already…..let’s GO.

 

First up for the night is Von Smith.  He’s 22 from Missouri.  I don’t think I like this guy…..he’s the big baby, remember?  The self-indulgent one, according to Simon.  He’s singing ‘You’re All I Need to Get By’….got a gray suit on and a red shirt…..like he raided Seacrest’s wardrobe.  His voice sounds a little weak on the low notes, kind of screamy.  Kind of like a cruise ship singer…..<sigh>……which reminds me how much I would rather be on a cruise ship than here in loverly Germantown where's it's like 11 degrees outside.  I don’t like this guy, it was ok.  Has the first singer of the night ever been voted through?  I’m guessing no.  Randy thinks it was hot….but he’s usually wrong.  Kara says you’re coming in to your own, blah blah blah.  Paula says you were a memorable first, good control, seasoned performer.  Simon says you remind me of Clay Aiken.  <pause>  What?  Am I in Bizzaro world?  Is this Opposites day?  What the hell is going on?  Simon did say he looks appalling.  <chuckle>

 

Next to sing is Taylor.  She’s 17 from Utah.  I kind of remember her….she’s pretty.  She decides to sing ‘If I Ain’t Got You’ by Alicia Keys.  Yeah….because that’s so easy.  What is wrong with this girl?  OOOoooooOOOOO….it’s a little off too.  Why in the world would you do a Keys song?  It’s not as good and that’s all I can think.  I guess it was ok….Kara says it’s obvious you have a voice.  Yeah Kara, we knew that when she opened her mouth.  Then she says I want to know what you’re like when you go shopping…..or something equally retarded.  Why is she on this show?  One Paula is enough….seriously enough.  Paula says you have a beautiful instrument but you’ve already sang this song for us.  Simon says I genuinely couldn’t remember you, it was very generic, very bland.  Randy says it was kind of boring.  Simon is giving Kara a hard time about that dumb shopping comment….you know…..because it was dumb.  Then Seacrest tells Simon that shopping is when you can find shirts from this decade.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Good one, Seacrest.

 

Alex Hyphenated-What’s-His-Name is singing after the break.  He’s such a dork.  Such a huge dork.  But he’s the funny one, remember?  I like this guy….he’s 19 from California.  Simon called him a cocker spaniel during the auditions and he replies, that would have been funny if it made sense.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Still makes me laugh, he’s so funny.  He picked ‘I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues’…Why’s he dancing?  Is that really dancing?  What is that?  Is he ok?  Why’s he doing that with his voice?  Is this supposed to be funny?  It sounds scary.  Forced.  It’s too fast.  Is he trying to make this sound like rock?  Or is he just trying to get voted out?  I thought that was awful…..really really awful.  But I’m gonna vote for him anyway, cause I like him.  Screw you all.  Paula says you’re a showman and that was entertaining.  She’s glad he got to channel his inner rock star.  HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA, that is the absolute last thing I can see him doing.  Simon says the ridiculous growling was stupid, you’re like a little hamster trying to be a tiger.  AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  He’s a HAMSTER!  That’s hi-larious.  Simon….you’re hysterical.  A hamster….hehehehehehehehe.  Randy says he half agrees, it was kind of scary, vocals were kind of screamed.  Kara says at least you did you.  <pause>  Thanks for contributing that gem of advice Kara.  What would we do without you?  Oh, I know…..we’d get through this show faster without losing a single bit of entertainment….<sigh>…..

 

I’m cranky because the Caps look like crap.  They just had another goal scored against them, after a penalty shot and a short-handed goal…..Theodore is out.  Neuvirth is in goal….and he’s killing me.  Just killing me.  We need to SCORE.

 

Ariana is singing after Alex.  She’s 17 from California.  She’s singing ABBA.  This sounds kind of off….like she’s nervous.  Is she with the music?  Because it doesn’t sound like it?  This is really bad.  At least she hit the last no- oops…..nevermind.  She didn’t.  Simon says it was absolutely terrible, that song was way too big for you, it was like being at a funeral, your worst performance.  Randy says to show America that you’re young, you tried to do too much.  Kara says you’re cute as a button, which is a compliment (because apparently Ariana doesn’t like them talking about her appearance….<scrunched up face>……whatever).  Kara did say it was dark and depressing.  Paula said you had some bright moments, but it was old-fashioned and pretty much sucked….which is obviously not exactly what she said.  But that’s what she meant.

 

Number 5 tonight is Ju’not.  He’s our local contestant from Maryland.  He’s 26.  He’s singing ‘Hey There Delilah’.  He’s got a snazzy black leather jacket on.  He’s got a nice voice and this is pretty good.  A little off in parts, but pretty good…..just kind of dull.  But then…..nobody has been really amazing yet…..so you never know.  Randy likes his name, and he loved the performance.  Kara says it was very smooth, likes the spin he put on the song, but she felt like he was holding back.  Paula says she liked how he changed the song.  Simon says it was better than I thought it was going to be, but very safe.  And then Ju’not finds it necessary to share with America and potentially 24 million voters that he just had a cortisone shot in his butt.  Seacrest at least clarifies for us that the shot was for his voice, some asthma problem or something…..I really didn’t need to know anything about needles….thanks for creeping me out.

 

Kristen is next.  She’s 23 from California and she’s the Bitch, capital B from Hollywood week that pretended like she wasn’t a Bitch, but everyone knows that she is one….because she pretends like she’s not one.  I don’t like this girl at all, she puts me on edge, my spidey sense is telling me that she would gladly stomp all over whoever she needed to in order to climb up any career ladders in front of her.  She just acts……………wrong.  You boys out there probably can’t sense it…..because she’s using Sith mind powers on you……anyway, she’s singing Tracy Chapman – Give Me One Reason.  And it’s great.  Damn damn.  Double damn.  She has a great voice.  She’s wearing kind of a silly red dress, like she’s Alice in Wonderland.  It was a pretty good performance, but I do not like her.  One.  Little.  Bit.  Kara likes her blonde hair better than the purple hair she used to have, she thinks Kristen should sing more Kelly Clarkson songs.  Paula says the song was a little safe, but you have range.  Simon says it was an odd song choice, it’s a weird look, and you have an uncomfortable smile.  <chuckle>  Right?!?!?  Randy says he’s not sure who Kristen is (she’s from Stepford), and he thinks it was a little karaoke, he thinks she tried to do too much.  Yeah….like try to be likeable….

 

After the B, comes the Drama Queen.  Nathaniel is 19 from New York.  He’s the one that cries all the time.  He’s singing Meatloaf – I Would Do Anything For Love……his voice sounds a little weak.  I’m not a big Meatloaf fan, but the guy can sing.  A lot better than this kid.  Queeny just puts me off for so many reasons.  I just don’t think his voice is that great to compensate for all the weirdness.  Simon says, I think you would (do anything for love).  <chuckle>  Then he says, some people will like that, the minority.  But the majority of people listening, like me, will think it was excruciating.  Weird song choice, but people will remember you, you’re fun, I like you.  Is he on crack?  That went from excruciating to I like you in about 7 seconds.  Randy asks why that song and Queeny says it’s one of his favorites.  Randy says it’s hard to imagine what kind of record you would record….I agree.  Kara says if you want to be taken seriously, you need to sing serious songs.  Oh really?  Is that how it worked for you Kara?  Then she calls him her karaoke buddy….like it was a good thing.  Paula says, I love you, blah blah blah, then it was either her or Simon, can’t remember who said it, this was like the Boy George version of the song.  I’m not sure Queeny got the reference….probably has no idea who Boy George is…..Seacrest makes everybody uncomfortable by forcing Queeny to stand next to Simon, and then he gives Simon one of his three headbands…and that was pretty funny.

 

 

Felicia is the next one up.  She’s 26 and she’s from Virginia and if you think you don’t recognize her, it’s because you don’t.  She’s replacing Joanna, the one who already had a “relationship” with the producers or the music company or whatever….I have a feeling that was much more sordid than they let on….because I prefer to think the worst of people.  So Felicia has a lot to prove to us tonight….not the least of which is showing us who the hell she is…..so she picks No One, another ditty by Miss Alicia Keys…..this is such a bad idea.  She is singing it the exact same way, which is probably not a good idea…..because she just can’t be as good.  She just can’t.  She is a great singer though and you can hear it.  Paula says all things happen for a reason, you’re gorgeous and talented and I’m glad we brought you back.  Simon says the first half was better than the last, a bit copycat, he’s not as enthusiastic about her as Pauler.  Randy says welcome back.  Kara says this is your best look, you’ve got attitude, presence, a few problems with the song, but I noticed you.  Besides the B, she has been the best so far….

 

Scott is singing now.  He’s 23 from Arizona.  The Hubby is in the room at this point, working the remote to switch between hockey and AI, and he goes – hey it’s the deaf guy.  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  I’m not laughing at people being deaf so don’t freak out.  I’m laughing at my retarded husband.  You see, there’s a deaf guy on the Amazing Race this year….and a blind guy on American Idol.  The deaf guy is great at the race and this blind guy can sing.  I know being blind will get him some votes because people have some weird guilt when it comes to disabilities like that.  You didn’t personally poke his eyes out, ok.  He’s a perfectly capable human being.  Vote because you like him, or don’t vote.  You’re not going to hell if you don’t vote for a blind guy.  Anyway, he picked ‘Mandolin Rain’ and most of it was great.  There were a few flat notes, but he has a really strong pure voice.  Randy says some parts of it were off, but the notes that were on were waaaaaaaaaaaaaay on, lots of passion.  Kara says you move mountains (let’s start calling her Hyperbole, shall we?).  Way to be patronizing Kara.  Then she says even though you had issues with the song it didn’t matter cause you’re blind…..no…..wait…..that’s not what she said, she said it didn’t matter because it’s coming from your heart (but she meant because you’re blind).  Pauler thanks him for blessing us with his gift.  Simon says I wasn’t that crazy about the song, but you’re growing on me, because you’re confident.  Then he gives the ever-important Cowell endorsement and says, I will be stunned if you don’t sail through to the next round.

 

Number 10 of the night is Kendall Beard, the little country singer that could.  She’s 24 from Texas….naturally.  She’s a totally adorable blonde and the Hubby is convinced that is why she will probably get through….even if she does sing country music.  She picks ‘This One’s For the Girls’ by Martina McBride.  I like this song, at least.  She has a really pretty yellow dress on, and this is a good country song.  She sang it ok….but she is the only country singer tonight, which may help her out.  She is very country.  Hyperbole says you have a big personality, it was the right song, some parts were flat.  Pauler says you get the award for the best outfit.  Wow, Pauler….really?  First of all, when did we start giving out that award….and second, kind of a sh***y compensation prize for getting kicked off the show, dontcha think?.  Simon says you are what you are, but halfway through I couldn’t’ wait for it to end.  He doesn’t like country music either, so I don’t think this opinion should count.  Like the Hubby, who has been wailing and covering his ears and acting like a five year-old.  Simon said it was not his cup of tea.  That’s all you needed to say, hon.  Randy says you made great choices but it wasn’t your best performance.  I agree….but I don’t think she’s better than Felicia.

 

Jorge Nunez is next.  He’s veinti-uno from Puerto Rico.  He’s singing ‘Don’t Let The Sun Go Down’ which is a great song that I love and he better not mess it up.  Holy cow….this is VERY good.  I think it’s the best vocal of the night so far….Pauler is standing already.  This guy can really sing.  Pauler is practically in tears telling him she’s so proud, he worked with a dialect coach, and she just wants to squeeze him.  There she goes, being all psychopathic murderer again…..Simon says I don’t know what we were thinking to tell you to try to get rid of the accent, I like the accent, it makes you different.  Be who you are, you’re a very good singer.  Randy says it wasn’t perfect, but it was very very good.  Hyperbole says you were born to sing.  Then he tears up on cue, spits out that he can’t think in English when he’s emotional and pretty much guaranteed himself a spot in the next round, all in about 3.3 seconds.  Voto para mi. 

 

The coveted and especially important last spot of the night goes to Lil Rounds.  The Motel Mom.  She’s 24 from Tennessee.  And she’s singing Mary J – ‘Be Without You’.  Huh….this won’t be difficult or anything.  She has a really pretty dress on and she looks fantastic.  And…..she’s singing this so well that you can’t really tell how hard the song is to sing.  WOW.  The camera guys catch Simon with his mouth hanging open, clearly stunned.  He said, I have one word for you – Brilliant.  He says it was too much like the original (exactly like the original), you have great prospects in this show, undoubtedly the best.  Randy agrees, you kept your swagger, loved it.  Hyperbole says she’s great and she’s been steady since the start.  Pauler calls her first class, and then she said <snicker> I hope you are go through many more ‘lil rounds’.  <chuckle>  Good one, Pauler.  Sheesh, this girl could win the whole freakin’ thing.  She’s amazing.

 

The Caps lost 5 to 2.  Semin and Federov scored.  But the Canes had five penalties….and we only scored on one power play…..that suuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks.  We’re playing the Leafs on Thursday…have to get back in the groove of things.

 

And then just to make sure I cried myself to sleep last night, we watched the Terps play Wake Forest.  They lost too.  There is really nothing better than watching your team win…..but on the flip side…..there is nothing worse than watching them lose.  And I got to do it twice in one night.  <shaking my head>  Oh well….tomorrow is the vote off show.  I can project my anger onto all the hapless losers going home.  Don’t forget about the wildcard show on Thursday.

 

Later gators,

Heather

24 was on for two whole hours last night.  I didn’t realize that until the TV blipped on to record it….at 8 instead of 9.  Well, ok then.  That’s a nice surprise.  We’re starting at 6pm in 24-land.  If you remember, the show sort of ended during the last episode with the Butcher getting caught and all the conspirators being outed….except then Tony shows up and says, there’s another attack.  Tonight’s show played very heavily on the ongoing ethical question this show has asked from the beginning – is torture ever justified?  Don’t worry, I’m not going to get all serious on you guys.  But this show in particular forced you to think about which side you’re on.  And you may be on a side that you don’t feel like you can admit to….but in the privacy of your own home you can at least consider both sides in quiet anonymity. 

 

We start with the Butcher in the hospital.  Some random orderly injects him with something and he goes into convulsions.  What’s this?  Juma is in DC and the Butcher’s son is with him and wants to know where his dad is….the Random Orderly calls and tells Juma that the Butcher is dead but Juma doesn’t want to tell the Son that….cause you know, he might hold it against him.

 

Cut back over to the FBI.  Jack calls Chloe and fills her in on Tony’s new attack idea.  He tells Chloe she needs to delete the Travel Agent’s name off the list so Jack can interrogate him without interruption.  Then Fake Chloe barges in and offers to help Chloe and these two are clearly going to clash.  Chloe acts all suspicious.  And now Fake Chloe is going to be on to her….

 

Jack and Tony get to the White House and Jack goes in alone, after he tells Tony that he can’t involve RoboBill.  The Travel Agent calls Juma and tells him there may be a problem….cause you know he doesn’t want to get blowed up today.  Senator Mayer is at the White House, talking to Kanin who is trying to explain why Jack should be left off the hook but the Senator is not buying it.  Mayer is going to be a total d**k about it.  I love self-righteous people. 

Jack storms into RoboBill’s office and pulls a gun on him.  He explains he needs the Travel Agent, plot, Tony, blah blah blah, can’t use your help.  Then he puts RoboBill in a choke hold and knocks him out, you know, just to protect him.  That was so considerate.

 

Agent Eye Candy finally gets around to calling Agent Larry and tells him that the Butcher is dead.  She thinks he was murdered,and then Agent Larry accuses her of passing off Jack’s ideas as her own which she gets completely pissy about.  Listen lady, if you hadn’t been following him around like a dog all day, poor Larry wouldn’t be so skeptical.  He tells her to come back to the FBI after she follows up on the Random Murdering Orderly.

 

The Travel Agent tries to leave the White House, but not before Jack gets him.  Uh oh.  Now you’re in trouble, buddy.  Jack stuns him with a stun gun and says….. “We’re gonna have a talk.”  And by ‘talk’ he means, I’m gonna beat the crap out of you now.  Classic Jack Bauer.

 

Back at the FBI and Fake Chloe is complaining to Agent Larry about Chloe.  She dug up the cell phone call from Jack to Chloe and now they know about the plan to get the Travel Agent.  Larry grabs Chloe and as she’s being hauled away, she gives Fake Chloe the evil look of death.  Larry calls the White House and interrupts a meeting between the President and Mayer to explain that Jack has gone all ‘rogue agent’ on them again and is in the White House right now torturing someone.

 

Jack’s not torturing him though…..he’s questioning him.  He knows that this guy knows something.  He says to the Travel Agent, you of all people should know what I’m capable of, since this is the guy that has been investigating him.  The Travel Agent starts to chirp, but then the President interrupts.  DAMN!  So close….the President orders Jack to stand down, Jack stuns the phone, security blows the door up and Mayer starts yelling at him.  Jack says whatever happens, it’s on you.  Mayer points out that the President is talking about condoning the torture of this guy and then Jack points out that two plane-fuls of people have already been blown up and they could have the chance to save that many people.  Mayer calls him reprehensible, and Jack turns right around and calls him weak.  I think….probably…..they’re both right.  Right?

 

Kanin is acting completely not suspicious anymore….what was that all about before?  Jack is arrested.  Mayer offers to talk to the Travel Agent because he says he knows the guy and the President is like, clearly you don’t know him at all.  Yeah, jerky.  You don’t know Jack.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  The President sums up the irony of the situation – Bauer is going to prison and a traitor will get to walk.  She tries to offer the Travel Agent immunity, but he asks for a lawyer instead.  Huh?  That’s an interesting play.  The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.  I can make jokes like that, because Papa Darth is a lawyer and a good one and lawyers always enjoy jokes about lawyers for some reason.  A lot of times, lawyers are the only people who laugh at lawyer jokes….

 

So Agent Dumb Dumb….that’s her new nickname.  I’m tired of calling her eye candy, because she’s not as pretty as she used to be or maybe that’s just because I hate her…..and she always seems to end up doing dumb things.  Like following the Random Murdering Orderly by herself.  She tracks him to some warehouse and sees Juma.  So she calls Larry, which I half expected her not to do.  I kind of expected her to run in guns a blazin'.  Seeking vengeance for the Girlfriend and her Sister.  But instead, she tells Larry it is Juma so Larry is coming himself with a team to the Bad Guy Warehouse.  At least she stays hidden, maybe I can’t call her Dumbdumb after all….<sigh>….then the soldiers start to leave and end up getting on some boat.  So Dumbdumb jumps on the boat and loses her gun.  Nevermind.  It’s the perfect nickname.

 

RoboBill calls Tony and says Jack has been arrested.  He’s annoyed that nobody told him about the plan.  It’s because of that awful haircut Bill, nobody trusts you now.  Tony tells RoboBill his contact is dead…..but why am I getting the feeling that his contact is probably himself or something else equally shady.

 

Larry can’t find Dumbdumb or get her on the phone.  That’s because she sneaking around the Bad Guy Boat trying to not get caught.  The soldiers jump in the water with some scuba gear…so Dumbdumb runs inside the boat to look at the plans.  It’s the White House!!  What!!  Just kidding, I already knew that from last week’s spoiler.  Fox kind of sucks that way.  Mini-Butcher sees her though the window and the chase is on.  Dumbdumb jumps into the water and the Mini-Butcher grabs a speed boat.

 

The first hour ends with the soldiers drilling underground. 

 

Now it’s 7pm in 24-land.

 

The President’s Daughter is asking about mom and says she wants to go to the hospital.  Aaron guilts her into staying.  He’s served under 5 administrations?  Yeah….I guess when you count everyone who has been murdered and indicted.  Kanin walks in and tells her, there is going to be another attack so take it easy on your mom, ok?  Like he should really have to tell her that…but whatever.

 

Larry calls the President and tells her Juma is in town and he lost contact with Dumbdumb.  Dumbdumb is still running from the Mini-Butcher.  She sees a Park Ranger and you knew that guy was dead before he even opened his mouth.  Mini-Butcher shoots him and Dumbdumb keeps running.

 

RoboBill is talking to Jack in his cell in the White House.  They have jail cells in the White House?  Yeah….I guess…..why not.  He tells Jack about Dumbdumb and Jack pretends to care, then he offers to talk to the Travel Agent some more.  RoboBill says no, and so Jack says ok then you have to do it.  But I’m not trained, says RoboBill.  How hard can it be to chop off some guy’s finger with a cigar-cutter, RoboBill?  Seriously.  Jack says you have to, and RoboBill says no.  You didn’t like my hair, I won’t help you.  <smile>  Just kidding, he just says no.  And be honest….did you lose any respect for that character right then? 

 

So the soldiers from the fake country of Sangala get into the White House with the help of some Random Maintenance Guy.  They are on their way to the Oval Office, killing as many people as possible along the way.

 

Dumbdumb is still running.  The FBI find the dead park ranger.  Mini-Butcher finally catches up with Dumbdumb.  Be awful nice to have a gun right about now…….so instead she tells him Papa Butcher is dead.  Juma had him killed.  Which he doesn’t believe.  So she hits him in the head with a shovel.  And he chokes her.  She’s juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust about to die when Agent Larry shoot him and I am so annoyed.  I really thought that was it for Dumbdumb.  Damndamn.  So she tells him about the White House and I guess that was important and all but it’s not like they wouldn’t have found out eventually….

 

Jack is getting transferred when Larry calls RoboBill.  And this is just priceless….RoboBill turns to Jack and says with a straight face – I could use your help.  AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  You know I would tell him to stick it where the sun don’t shine….but since Jack is a huge masochist, he’s like yeah sure, why not.  The Secret Service grab the President and they’re off to a safe room.  Aaron’s got the President’s daughter and they’re going to try to get there too.  RoboBill takes the POTIS tracker to get the bad guys to follow him and lead them away from the President. 

 

RoboBill is trapped but instead of killing him….they take him as a hostage.  Whatever….that is sooooooooooooo unbelievable.  Now they know that they don’t know what the other people know, which is where the President is….she is on her way to the lockdown safe room when a fire fight breaks out.  Jack has to lock the door.  Aaron and the Daughter didn’t make it.  And Aaron, as usual, is the most likeable guy on the show.  The soldiers are collecting hostages, but they are about to be outnumbered so Juma lies to the Secret Services and says, I have the President, you back off or I’ll kill her.  So they do.  Wow…..that was easy.  I wish all of my lies went over so well…..<smile>. 

 

Apparently it will take the bad guys about 15 minutes to open the door.  Do we have that kind of time…in this hour, I mean.  Now the FBI are outside of the White House with the Secret Services and I am still kind of convinced that this could never really happen in real life because we’d have the full force of the military at the doorstep in minutes.  I know the SS are killing machines….but as far as fire power is concerned…..you’re in DC for crying out loud, it’s not like they are no military bases within a few minutes by helicopter.  Dumbdumb finds out Jack is in the White House and Larry is trying to make it sound like no big deal, he says ok now focus on the President…..but you know what, clearly Dumbdumb has a thing for Jack now.  Forget it lady.  Jack is physically incapable of having a normal relationship.  Well.....probably not physically incapable.....but emotionally incapable.  And you’ll probably be killed by some anonymous terrorist who just wants to get back at him. 

 

So Senator Mayer is a hostage, that’s good.  I kind of really hate that guy.  Jack tries to convince the President that her daughter is probably ok.  Jack knows that the soldiers must have had help on the inside.  He sees that they have the access codes to the access panel, so he shorts it out from the inside.  Juma reassures his soldiers that everything is going to be fine, they’ll still be able to get the President.  So now he calls Jon Voigt…..finally, it’s this guy again.  If you don’t remember him, that’s because he was on the mini-movie aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages ago.  He was the one who apparently got Juma all the really good White House intel.  Juma says if you don’t help me figure out how to get her out of that room, you won’t get your shipment.  Ahhhhhhhhhhh, you’ve watched enough right?  They’re setting us up for the final hoorah.  After Juma gets got, they will go after Voigt.  So he tells Juma that the President’s daughter is in the White House. 

 

Aaron is still trying to get her out.  He says we have to  get a signal to the outside that they don’t have the President.  The Veep won’t authorize any action until he has proof that the President is still ok.  Now Aaron has been surprised by one of the bad guys and he gets shot in the shoulder as he shoots the other guy.  He tells the Daughter what to do and writes down the morse code for her.  But she gets grabbed by a soldier before she can get the signal out.  Now they bring Aaron and the Daughter to the safe room doors.

 

Jon Voigt is watching the whole thing on CNN.  Juma tells the President to come out or he will cut out the Daughter’s eyes, one at a time (ewwwwwwwwwwwww) and then he will cut out her tongue (EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW) and then he will cut off her head (EWWW….well, actually that wouldn’t be so bad…by that time you’d kind of be asking to be killed, right?).  She wants to open the door and Jack says no.  I assumed he meant that he actually couldn't open the door, since he shorted out the access panel, but that is apparently not what he meant.  She says listen, I’ve already lost a son, I won’t lose her.  She asks Jack if he would open the door if it was his daughter and he says yes, but I’m not the President.  Very very good point.  And thanks for making it look like a woman can never be President, lady….she orders Jack to open the door.

 

The door opens and Jack is scowling.  The President says, I wouldn’t have let them hurt you.  The President tells Juma to let the hostages go, so he slaps her hard in the face.  He says, oh no, I’m running the show here and you need to get ready to give the last statement of your life. 

 

This happened just before, but it made me want to chuck the TV right out of the window – Mayer goes, what have you done Jack?  Oh…..oh really?  He followed orders you prick.  He did what he was supposed to do you ass.  If he had ignored her, he could have been arrested for that too I am sure.  But she would have been protected and everything would have been ok.  But since he played by the rules, your rules, she’s out here and now you’re pissed.  Seriously, you have no right to be pissed…..I was so irate by that I could have spit…..but I didn’t…..cause spitting is gross.

 

So the show has kind of jumped the shark with the invading the White House nonsense.  You won’t catch this reality junkie admitting to even the remote possibility that this could happen in real life…..but then…..we don’t really watch TV to be reminded of real life, do we?  We watch it for something fantastical.  We watch it for the villains.  And we watch it for the heroes.  And this season, on this show called 24, the government basically, has to save the world.  With a little help from a friend who they will arrest in the morning.  I hope they get it right.  

 

Later gators,

Heather  

So back from tribal council and Erin with two n's is trying to convince everyone that she didn't trust Candace and blah blah blah.  Nobody believes her.  She sounds kind of bitchy when she talks and everyone is sort of rolling their eyes at her.  At least she knows she needs to do well at some challenges or deflect the tribe rage away from her some other way.  Coach is still being annoying and whiney, saying that Erinnnnnnn is innnnnnnnsulting their innnnnnnntelligence with all this nonsense about how she wasn't really allied with Candy.  He's frustrating and the stalker mullet really has to go.....it's creeping me out.  He's going to look like a character straight out of a horror movie by the end of this season....if he makes it that far.  Personally, I think he's going to piss off too many people, especially after Erinnnnnnnnnnn outed him at tribal by pointing out that nobody wants him to be the leader (uh oh, spoiler, forget that till the end).  Oh and Jerry has been eating too many beans.  Clearly not used to so much fiber in his diet.  Beans are a power super food Jerry, you should really have more of them in your diet, but if you're not used to it....being stranded out in the Brazilian highlands is not the place to get used to it...

 

Over at Jellybelly we get to see them try to use a fishing net.  The Hubby is screaming at the TV, hoping they'll hear him obviously.  But I don't think they did and just kept doing it the wrong way.  They did luck themselves into some minnows and then eventually into a few decent sized fish. 

 

Now it's time for the reward challenge.  Most of the tribe is blindfolded and tied together in groups of two and have to get themselves through a maze using one other tribe member as the 'eyes'.  Once they get through the maze, they have to fill up their buckets with water and then corn and then bring it back to a big bucket.  Look, if you didn't see it....it was a train wreck.  As the blindfolded challenges usually are.  The reward is all of this comfort stuff likes umbrellas and pillows and blankets and stuff.  More exile at the end.  So Jellybelly pretty much dominated this challenge from the beginning.  Debbie was the caller for Timber and she kind of sucked at it....her voice wasn't loud enough and she wasn't very specific with people.  Joe was the caller for Jellybelly.  Joe's job is described as real estate sales and so I imagine he was super-motivated to be making some money at the end of this show.  But really....Jellybelly blew them out of the water.  They pick, or rather Taj picks, Brendan to go back to Exile.  And Brendan picks Taj to go back with him....now why isn't anyone getting suspicious about this?

 

Back at Timber and Debbie is sorry she sucked so bad.  Coach is being whiney and annoying and keeps talking about getting rid of Erinnnnnnnnnnnnn.  He's chatting with his new buddy the naked Mormon and tells Tyson that he's like Coach's assistant coach.  Which is completely ludicrous and exactly what you would expect a coach to say.  Tyson takes it all in stride, but then he tells the Camera Guy that he's going to be the Coach soon enough and he'll make everybody call him Coach.  I'm starting to like Tyson a little more even though he's a little creepy looking too.  Quick flash over to Jellybelly and how happy they are, and then back to Coach for more whining and passive aggressive complaining and I just wish someone would beat the crap out of him at this point.  Or maybe he'll get eaten by an alligator....I assume they're gators so far inland.  Anyway....

 

On Exile Brendan and Taj keep scheming.  The new clue, which Taj immediately shared, said the idol was surrounded by wood or something like that.  They also talk about who from their tribes they should to send back from their tribes and get in on this whole Exile Alliance.  They decide on Sicky Sierra and Steven with a ph, the New York Jew. 

 

Now it's time for the Immunity Challenge.  Two at a time, the tribe members have to roll a big block back to their tribes.  The blocks are big oversized puzzle pieces which spell out their tribe names while at the same time build a set of stairs.  They can't build the stairs until they have all the blocks back.  Timber got all of their blocks back first and for a few seconds you think they have a shot at winning.  But they don't.  They fall apart when they try to decide how the blocks go together.  Jerry blames himself because of the poison beans.  But I think it was probably someone else, or just the whole team dynamic. 

 

So back at Timber's camp, there is more plotting.  Erinnnnnnnnnnnnn realizes that Jerry is sick and that she can deflect deflect deflect.  Coach says she made an evil face when she realized she could do this....which makes me laugh.  First of all that she made that face, because I didn't see it and second of all that it bothers Coach so much.  I think I can say with great confidence that the most irritatingly over-confident trash talkers around are athletes.  You don't hear auditors acting so belligerent.  Well....not that often.  Nobody can hear us in the outfield.  So, Sicky Sierra is not convinced by the Erinnnnnnnnnnnnnn plan, saying nobody had a problem voting out the sicky when it was her.  Tyson tries to get Jerry to act less poisoned by the beans and says they're still voting for Erinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.  Erinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn says to the Camera Guy that she is going to point out how sick Jerry is to try to swing the vote toward him, which is a great way of pointing out the obvious to us.  It's her only play.  I get it.  Tyson says he hopes they can blindside Erinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn because he wants to see her cry.  And now he's my most favorite player.  What a fun mormon!  I want to see her cry too!!!!!!!!!

 

At Tribal Council, Erinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn says nobody would listen to her at the challenge and she knew how to put the blocks together right the first time.  And it was frustrating.  Grrrrrrrr.  Ok hon, we know.  You're better than everybody else.  Brendan tries to say they all communicated well together...come on man, if you want to be the leader of this tribe you're going to have to lie a little better than that.  Oh right, he could care less because he found the hidden immunity idol.  Step 1 to the Sneaky Exile Alliance.  Oh wait, they didn't talk about him being the leader until after he said they were such good communicators.  Jerry elected him as their leader.  Coach thinks he should be the leader.  Erinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn says no way.  Coach says she just doesn't like me.  <pretend innocent look>  What do you mean?  I didn't know we had a personality conflict.  Ok hon, no Oscars coming your way any time soon.  <sigh>  Jerry says they're gettin rid of their weakest player....hmmmm....you better hope not Beanie.  Once the votes are read, the decision is final.  The person voted out will have to leave the tribal council area immediately.  It's him, it's Jerry.  Can't have someone that is poisoned by beans on the show....I wish it had been Erinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn though.

 

Later gators,

Heather