Ok, first things first.  The Capitals won.  WOOOHOOO!  The Capitals….WON!!  This is very exciting.  Now we get to play the Pens…which is also very exciting.  The Hubby is growing his play-off charity beard which is getting a little annoying….but I don’t even care about that.  The Capitals won.  This new goalie, Varlamov, is 21 years old.  He just turned 21 on Monday.  He’s amazing.  And he saved the series for us.  Rock the Red, people.  Rock the Red.  This town is a hockey town again and I love it.

 

Back to American Idol.  We’re down to five.  The fab five.  This week the kiddies are singing tunes from the Rat Pack.  Nice.  I love these songs….but then, anything is better than disco.  Ryan has a nice black suit on with a nice black tie.  Randy is wearing a grey cardigan, Kara is donning the turquoise, Paula looks like a big red bow on a Christmas present and Simon is going a little crazy with a slate grey t-shirt.  The kiddies are all wearing suits….except for Red of course, who has a cute little dress on.  The mystery this week was centered around who their mentor would be, since obviously Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr, Dean Martin, Joey Bishop and Peter Lawford are all dead.  Which Kermit Kris delicately pointed out to everybody.  So….after some pretty stupid editing trying to make the thing all suspenseful, we find out that it’s Jamie Fox.  Ok.  I get that.  He sings…and he’s actually pretty good.  And he’s a performer, so he’ll understand this.  Maybe a slightly little bit more than, oh say….Quentin Tarantino.

 

Kermit Kris is singing first.  He picked ‘The Way You Look Tonight’.  Jamie loved him and wants to do a record together.  That was nice….but I don’t think he was being nice….I think he was being serious.  The performance is beautiful.  And he’s adorable.  Randy thought it was a great song, his best performance.  Kara said he set the technical standard very high and he has great diction and phrasing.  Paula thinks he has transitioned well to a handsome sophisticated gentleman (as opposed to shopping in the woman’s department).  Simon thinks the performance was a little bit wet.  And I have absolutely no idea what that means….must be a British thing.  Then he compared Kris to a well-trained spaniel.  AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….Paula wishes….I think he liked it, but I’m not totally sure.  I am totally sure that Kris is totally safe.

 

Red is singing next and we get to find out that she just turned 17.  Doesn’t somebody always have a birthday on this show?  So she picked ‘Someone to Watch Over Me’, which is a lovely song.  Jamie said, you’re too young to be in love so you must be talking about your family, sing to them.  That was some great advice, which I think Red took to heart.  It’s a very pretty performance, a perfect last note.  I really liked it.  Randy said he thought this would be tough for her, but he thinks she looks like Britney Murphy and sounds like Pink with about 9,000 more octaves to her voice.  HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.  So, I guess that means he liked it.  Kara says she’s not nervous for Red anymore, it was a gut-wrenching deep emotional performance.  Really Kara?  Gut-wrenching?  Paula says Red has an innocent sensibility, both alluring and very tender.  Simon says I don’t think you believe you can win….I have a horrible feeling you could be in trouble.  I get what he’s saying, I do.  But I like her.  Seacrest suggests she get a little ego.  Great….tell that to a 17 year old.  Like throwing gas on a flame.

 

Dumbo is up after the break.  He’s excited about this week, he thinks it’s his wheelhouse.  He’s got his cute little hat on and he picked ‘My Funny Valentine’.  Jamie didn’t say anything and then he did.  He suggested Dumbo sing it in a lower key, which I think was a good call.  He’s sitting on a stool, center stage.  It’s very nice.  But not the best so far and not the best we’re gonna hear tonight, I’m pretty certain.  Randy said you picked one of the hardest songs to sing, it was a little pitchy, 6 out of 10.  Kara says you gotta be the leader of the pack, I don’t think you were emotionally connected to the song.  Paula says she loved everything….and then wiped the drool off her bow.  Simon says he disagrees with…..<suspenseful pause>….Randy.  He thinks Dumbo gave the only believable, authentic performance of the night so far, absolutely brilliant  I think he might change his mind after he hears that back….I think Dumbo will go next.  Just based on popularity.

 

Ironman is fourth.  He is singing ‘Come Rain or Come Shine’, another nice song.  Jamie got right up in his grill while he was practicing.  <chuckle>  It probably helped him, actually.  He has such a nice tone to his voice and he’s singing this one a little gravelly, which sounds great.  I really liked that.  A good bluesy feel, he built it up.  Nice, very nice.  Randy says you are the only one who can have albums and win.  Wow….you think so, Randy?  The ONLY one?  Kara says he has swag <sigh>…..she called it unbelievable.  Like your English, Kara.  Paula said it was stellar performance.  Simon says you have swagger and confidence, you proved a point with your vocals, your performance was outstanding, he gives props to Ricky for a great arrangement and thanks Jamie for giving the good advice.  Wow….

 

Last but certainly not least….is Drama.  I still don’t like this guy very much, but it is becoming more and more difficult to say anything bad about him.  Jamie listened to his practice and then goes – ‘Whaaaaaaaaaat?!?’  heehee….then he sings.  He walks down the stairs, commands the stage, blows everybody away with his voice.  That was a showstopper.  Damn damn.  Randy says he knows he sounds like a broken record, but even though he thought it was a little theatrical, Drama is in the zone.  Kara says he shocks and confuses her <big surprise> and then she called it sleazy and superb.  Paula says words cannot describe you, it was better than good, you’re our Michael Phelps.  <shaking my head>  Simon thinks that Randy complaining about it being too theatrical is like complaining that a cow moos.  Winning is important, and you want to win.  Best entrance so far.  He tells Ryan he can’t use those stairs anymore.  HAHAHAHAHAHA….yeah, right?

 

So anyway….I think Dumbo will go, but it could be Red.  I think Danny boy and Dramadama will be in the finals….maybe.  Could be Kris and Drama….but right at this exact moment, I think it will be Danny.

 

Later gators,

Heather

It’s go time people.  The show opens with recap recap recap….just in case you missed last night or have forgotten what happened in the last 24 hours….Ryan reminds us no one is safe.  He’s wearing a dark blue or black suit (I can’t tell) and a polka dot tie.  He always looks nice now.  Happy Earth Day and all that.  Apparently, David Archuletta is singing tonight.  Great.  Archie is back.  Good ol’ squinty eyes.  45 million votes were cast and now here are your judges.  Randy has a black button up on, Kara is wearing a strapless green number, Paula is very glitzy tonight, and Simon is wearing a grey sweater.

 

Now we find out why Paula is so dressed up tonight.  She was the choreographer for the kiddies’ group performance.  Oh, ho ho ho….really?  Finally….Paula doing something she excels at.  You have to admit, as nutty as she is, she really can dance.  So Ms. Abdul gets to introduce the song and we get to see the short little dress she is wearing.  Of course she looks amazing in it.  The song the kiddies are “singing” is obviously pre-recorded.  There is no chance they could sing and dance at the same time….and they are not very good at lip synching.  Heehee.  It was a cool dance, I wasn’t listening to the music.  The kiddies got some flowers for Paula, which was very very nice.

 

Time for the Ford music video brainwashing message.  The video was to “I’m Good, I’m Gone.”  I have no idea what this was about, very random, made no sense….except now I have a weird urge to buy a new car.

 

Seacrest says, dim the lights.  Time for the results.  Lil, please stand up.  Ok, so she is in the bottom three….well, he didn’t actually say she was in the bottom three, he just said please stand on this side of the stage.  And without any real fanfare, she is booted off the show.  Done.  That’s it.  Sayonara.  See ya later.  Oh wait, first sing again, and no I didn’t listen to this.  After it’s over though, Paula goes, why didn’t you sing like this last night?  Hahahahaha…nice Paula, rub salt in the wound.  Like singing better would have helped.  Randy says this is just the beginning for you.  Simon says he’s still a big fan, and he’ll miss Lil’s family screaming behind him.  Kara says, I think you learned something on this show, and manages to make it sound extremely condescending.  After Lil goes, there is an all-star disco music medley.  <pause>  Oh sweet Jesus.  No, I did not listen to this.  Not even a little.  I forwarded through the whole thing, I didn’t even pay attention to who was singing.  I’m a bad blogger and I don’t care. 

 

Now it’s time to find out the bottom three.  Kermit Kris please stand up.  He is safe, of course, and more adorable than ever.  Dramadama please stand up, nevermind, shut up and sit down, you’re safe.  Ironman, please stand up.  Oh, he is adorable too.  He’s safe and he thinks he knows what Simon meant by clumsy.  Anoop de Loop Loop is next and yeah, yeah, yeah, America still hates you Anoop.  He’s in the bottom three, and I think he kind of knew that.  Red and Dumbo are standing up now.  It’s gotta be Matt, right?  Nope.  America, you suck.  Red is in the bottom, well two I guess.  Dumbo is safe.  Wha-WHAT?!?!  <sigh>  I’ll be really annoyed if she goes before Anoop.

Archie is singing ‘Touch My Hand’…is he smaller than he was before?  Maybe he’s shrinking.  And is this flat?  No, maybe it’s just me still not liking him.  He’s smiling, this big cheesy grin, but the lyrics sound kind of sad to me….huh.  And he is flat.  And squinting.  So glad he lost.  He’s going on tour this summer….isn’t everybody.  He tells Red and Anoop that there are so many opportunities after Idol, yes dears, your lives will not be over when you inevitably lose this competition.  Ok, get off the stage Squint.

 

We’re down to Anoop and Red.  Time to find out who the second person voted out is – it’s Anoop.  Allison is safe.  Thank goodness.  She’s the only girl left.  And because the show has managed to be on time again, we get to see a recap of Lil and Anoop’s Idol journeys.  The Mom and 13.  Babye.  Thanks to everyone and goodnight.

 

Later gators,

Heather

Ok people.  Monday night was hockey night in DC...or rather NY.  The game was on at the same time as 24 and Heroes.  And 24 lost the DVR battle....I will have to watch it online....when I get a chance....but you know I do have a full-time job so hold yourselves together for a few days.  I have not forgotten about this.

Time for the sweet seven.  Again.  Here’s Ryan in a dark grey suit and a black tie.  It’s disco week and I want to shoot myself in the head…..I cannot stand this type of music.  Was that Vince Neil in the audience?  Probably wondering what happened to ‘Home Sweet Home’ and why the Idolers don’t play his version instead of Carrie Underwear’s version.  <sigh>  They’re 80’s babies Vince….they probably don’t even know who you are.  Welcome judges – Randy looks very comfortable in a t-shirt, Kara is wearing fuchsia….which is actually a nice color on her and a difficult word to spell, Paula is in a weird lace-up thing and Simon has on his Tuesday shirt.  And pretty much without any hesitation Ryan pushes Lil onto the stage to get the party started.

 

Lil is singing ‘I’m Every Woman’….probably just so I can reiterate to myself how much I hate this music genre.  <sigh>  She’s got a black unitard on and looks pretty good in it.  The singing is ok, I guess….but I hate this song.  Randy says yo, that didn’t show your vocal control.  Kara says America was waiting to hear you sing this <were we?> but you didn’t come through.  Paula says Lil was on complete vocal rest the day before and she has made a remarkable comeback, and then she says you’re hot tonight but you didn’t hit the boiling point.  Seriously, who is writing this crap for her.  Simon says, you look so sad.  Lil explains she had fun and Simon replies, well I’m glad because that is probably your last performance.  Lil disagrees completely.  Oh hon….the judges have been trying to get rid of you for weeks.  It’s weird how much everybody is against her, is she really missing the mark that much….and more than some of the others?  Yeah, I guess she kind of is…

 

Chris with a K is singing second.  He picked ‘She Works Hard for the Money’….and explains it’s a song that says something about a woman working hard.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  I always thought it was about a prostitute…but then I never listened that closely to the lyrics.  It’s a nice acoustic version of the song, he’s playing the guitar, a nice arrangement….easy to listen to and not dreadful disco.  That was really cool!  Kara says the risk paid off big time, showed us something about you.  Paula said it had a classy Santana feel and then she said there are not many men willing to shop in the women’s department.  <sigh>  And you can just tell that she thought that was really clever.  Simon needs a translator to understand Paula….me too.  He called it original, well thought out, a fantastic performance.  Randy says you know who you are….<pause>…..you’re ready for the big time.  Good, good.  I agree.  Kermit Kris is definitely ready.  I think he may be in the finale with Drama.

 

Seacrest pushes Ironman onto the stage….he’s singing Earth, Wind & Fire – September.  He sounds nice, but here’s a song I really can’t stand.  It just gets my hackles up….so I focus on Danny boy’s cute smile and his weirdly bad dancing.  Randy says he knows how hard Danny worked on that song and it worked for him.  Kara says she was kind of worried about him, but you are an amazing vocalist, your pitch is always right on, solid.  Paula says you’re amazing, blah blah, vocal agility, brilliant, sexiest voice.  Get a hold of yourself Paula.  Simon says he can’t fault the vocals, the arrangement was good, but it was a clumsy performance.  He’s looking for more star power.

 

QUICK!!  Get Red on the stage!!!  What is the problem tonight?  Is the stage on fire?  I say nyet, cause they’re Russian the crap out of this show.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Oh, I crack myself up.  Red is singing ‘Hot Stuff’….what in the world is she wearing?  You know, if the singing doesn’t work for her she should design clothes….unless this is what all 16 year olds wear….it’s kind of weird.  She is way too young for this song, but her rock voice is helping a lot with the performance.  I don’t think Red liked it too much, her face at the end showed she was kind of disappointed.  Randy says he didn’t love the arrangement, but she is one of the best singers…..ok.  Kara says yeah, whatever Randy said.  Man, she is useless.  Paula says the word compromise doesn’t belong in your vocabulary.  Very clever Paula.  Simon says, this week you were definitely the underdog, but all things considered, that was brilliant.

 

Dramadama is thrown onto the stage to chat it up with Ryan….he has very good posture.  He is singing ‘If I Can’t Have You’…..in the spotlight, center stage.  He’s kind of cry-screaming, with his scrunchy face.  And if I don’t look at him, this is very very good.  They show Paula….<dear Lord>…..pull yourself together woman!  Randy says you show us your range all the time, you are ready right now, he is a hot one tonight.  Kara says you’re brilliant.  Why does she enunciate every word so exactly….it’s a little snotty.  I can’t think of anything else I hate about her at this exact moment but if I do later, I’ll let you know.  She calls him a mix of SNL guy, Clark Kent and Elvis.  Great.  Paula tells us she has a visceral response to Drama singing.  Blah blah blah….I didn’t listen to anything else because I kind of cringed at the first part and then out of sheer trauma blocked everything else out.  Simon says it’s always something we weren’t expecting, original, memorable, vocals were immaculate.  Then Seacrest refers to Paula as a pool a Abdul.  HAHAHAHAHAHA.  That was actually funny Ryan.

 

Dumbo is singing now, the saved one.  He picked Stayin’ Alive, which Ryan calls a metaphor for his life.  Um.  No.  It’s not a metaphor….technically, “staying alive” would be your life.  Unless Ryan was trying to say, a metaphor for his Idol life….which is obviously what he was trying to say Heather you snob.  <shaking my head>.  It’s his Justin Timberlake impersonation and I always like it when he does this, with that cute little crooked hat.  A little hip.  And a little hop.  And a cute dimply smile.  I liked it, personally.  I thought it was pretty friggin good.  Randy says, check it out, didn’t like the song choice or the arrangement, but you can really sing.  Yeah….that’s why you saved him, Randy.  Remember?  Kara says you brought back the disco groove and whatever Randy said.  Paula says you pick songs like I bowl…..<blackout>………..Simon didn’t like it, he says you need to get yourself out of Idol Land.  Idol Land?  That sounds like a place I would like to visit….he said it was desperate, no originality, vocals weren’t great, sorry.  No you’re not.  You’re not sorry….but we’re sorry you apparently wasted that save.

 

Anoop de Loop Loop is singing last tonight.  He’s got a mustache, that’s cute.  He’s got a pink and grey suit and sweater vest on….he looks like a mouse.  I’m think to myself what the hell is the name of this song….but it was Dim The Lights….that wasn’t Ryan giving stage directions, that was the name of the song.  It’s kind of a boring song…..that’s all I can really say.  I’m done with the disco….my ears don’t work anymore.  Randy says he didn’t love the arrangement, but you can sing also, nice baby nice.  Kara says great song choice, sounded like it should be on the radio.  Paula says real men know how to wear pink…………<blackout>……………..and then I regained consciousness long enough to hear her say she thinks he has beautiful teeth…………<blackout>……………..Simon thought it was mediocre at best, it was a horrible version of the song, Anoop’s worst performance ever.  Seacrest invites everybody to vote for Pretty in Pink.  <chuckle>  Ryan is on fire. 

 

And apparently after all the complaining and juggling and time management classes, they actually figured out how to end a show on time.  YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY American Idol.

 

I think it’s Lil and Anoop.  But it could be Dumbo.

 

Later gators,

Heather

So Ryan walks out in a black suit and a ….<pause>….is that paisley?  Yeah, a paisley tie and gives us the opener – This…..is………American…………<wait for it>…………<and wait some more>………….Idol.  Tonight we get to hear Miley Cyrus and Jennifer Hudson.  We also get to end someone’s dream.  <clapping and cheering>  YAAAAAAAAAAAY!  Seacrest reminds us about the summer tour where we can see all the losers.  Randy is wearing lavender.  Huh.  Really Randy?  Lavender?  Kara is wearing purple too but manages to make it look garish and cheap like she makes everything else look.  Paula has another pretty boob shelf on and Simon….<shaking my head>…..is wearing his Wednesday shirt.  His hair is really starting to bother me. 

 

We start right in with the Ford music video horror show.  The kiddies are all magazine covers, singing to Freeze Frame.  A little creepy but not as bad as last week.  The group song this week is from the movie Flashdance….80’s movie classic…..and the song is Maniac.  I thought Kris was really good, but I’m starting to like him more and more.  The finale is just over a month away…..the Hubby isn't even here to appreciate that statement.  Drama is talking about Quentin and how he uses music in his movies….yes,yes….we get it…..the bloggers were in an uproar over why in the world Quentin Tarantino would be mentoring.  We also get another glimpse into the movie star lives the kiddies are leading now.  This week they apparently got to go the movie premiere for 17 Again, a Zac Ephron feel good all over pet a dog and save the planet movie.  They got to meet him.  Wow, he’s kind of an airhead, isn’t he?

 

Ok, so time for some results.  Red is safe, but I think we knew that.  Dramadama is safe and we definitely knew that.  Anoop is safe….oh wait, of course he’s not safe because America hates him.  Anoop is in the bottom three regardless of how well he did last night.

 

Jennifer Hudson is here to sing ‘If This Isn’t Love’ off her new album.  She looks good and it’s a pretty song, but I’m sorry to admit I fast forwarded through most of it.  Poor Anoop de Loop Loop, nobody likes you.  Simon thinks he deserves to be there….ouch!  The Cowell is not holding back any punches anymore.  Simon says Kris was brilliant, that’s who is waiting to hear the result next.  Lil is standing too….but Simon doesn’t say anything about her…..and of course it’s Lil.  She’s in the bottom.  Kris is absolutely adorable with that Kermit grin….is he really married?  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA….oooooo….starting to sound like Paula…..must slap myself back into reality.  Now we’re waiting to hear about Dumbo and Ironman.  Oh please.  This is a no-brainer.  The ears or the widow.  Please.  Danny is safe and Matt is in the bottom three….duuuuuuuuuuuh.  So it’s Anoop, Lil and Dumbo.  And of course then Ryan picks out one person to send back to the safe side of the stage, the one person they just wanted to point out was in the bottom three for no real reason except to give them a complex and that person is Anoop de Loop Loop.  Well good.  He did sing pretty well last night, after all.

 

Now it’s time to listen to Miss Hannah Montana.  The name Miley reminds me of Smiley.  And that’s all I can think of during this entire performance…..that and the fact that she is tiny.  And how old?  16?  She looks older here….kind of a nasally voice, but hey that's the country in her.  Smiley is a good performer at least, lots of energy.

 

Simon says there is one person he would consider saving….hmmmm…..I think he’s talking about Lil.  I think.  Time for the moment of truth according to Melodrama Ryan.  There were 36 million votes cast and Lil is safe.  Matt is the biggest loser and so now he has to sing.  I think it sounded better than last night but the judges are deliberating.  No chance they use the save on this guy….right?  No chance.  Simon says he doesn’t think Dumbo has a chance to win, and you can hear it coming….but guess what?  It’s good news.  WHAT?!?!?  What did he just say?  Am I going maaaaaaaaaaaaaaad?  Dumbo has been saved and Melodrama says….history has been made.  <cringe>  Really Ryan?  This moment will be recorded in the annals of time?  Really?  Ok, so time for the bad news – two kiddies are going home next week.  And the really bad news – next week is disco week.  <groan>  Great.

 

Later gators,

Heather

Only seven are left!  We’re getting closer and closer.  Here’s Ryan in a black suit and a polka dot tie.  Cute Ryan…very springy.  The theme this week is music from the movies.  Cool.  I’m a huge movie fan!  And the guest mentor this week is none other than……………….Quentin Tarantino!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  That’s awesome!  I love him!  He’s so creepy and such a fantastically amazing director.  And so creepy.  And tall.  And creepy.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.  The Hubby was trying to figure out during the whole show what he could possibly have to say about singing…and it wasn’t much, he basically commented on their performance and gave them advice on how to appeal to the audience.  Which makes sense….he’s a director.  Now Seacrest says hello to the band for like the first time ever….Ricky is in a suit, looking spiffy.  And here are our judges – Randy in a really grotesque blue, yellow and brown cardigan, Kara in a gray strapless number, Paula in her glitz and glamour, and Simon….<shaking my head>…..desperately needing a new do and wearing his Tuesday gray.  Simon points out that the show ran over last week because the girls were talking too much.  HAHAHAHA….I see.  That makes sense.  So because Kara and Paula babble too much, only two judges are going to get to comment on each kiddie tonight.  First Paula and Simon and then Randy and Kara.  So Simon doesn’t get to comment on everyone….this will be interesting.  Why not just get rid of Kara?  Wouldn’t that be what everybody prefers?  Seacrest tells all the teenagers in the audience who Quentin Tarantino is….<sigh>…..please, if you haven’t already, watch Reservoir Dogs.  Great movie.

 

So Red is the first up to sing tonight.  She picked “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” by Aerosmith.  I love this song.  She’s got a cute outfit on, although I don’t really get those shirt/dresses all the kids are wearing….I thought her performance was pretty good.  Lots of energy.  Katie Couric is in the audience.  And Steven Van Zant.  Paula tells her she possesses the same special sauce as Adam.  ?????  Simon is mumbling in the background that it’s barbecue sauce.  HAHAHAHAHAHA.  He can’t stand it when Paula tries to be clever.  Paula calls her remarkable and talented.  Simon thinks she’s the Girl’s only hope…and considering there are only two girls left….that’s saying a lot.  He thinks she’s getting better every week, more confident, you’re believing you could win and that could take you all the way to the end….hmmmm….maybe.  I don’t see a girl winning this year though.  But Simon loves this girl, I don’t think she has anything to worry about.

 

Anoop de Loop Loop is singing next.  He picked “Everything I Do, I Do For You” by Bryan Adams.  I LOVE this song.  I must have played it 8 billion times when it came out….over and over and over.  Love it.  But I can’t really picture Anoop singing it with the same effect as Bryan Adams….but he sounds great.  I mean really great.  That was really beautiful.  Randy says you’re rocking the house, really good job, congrats.  Kara says you’ve found your place with pop songs, one of your best performances, you made some good changes and I felt like you connected with the song.  Yeah, yeah.  But America hates you Anoop….not sure why…..but watch, he’ll probably be in the bottom three again.

 

Dramadama is singing in the middle of the pack this week.  He picked “Born to Be Wild”.  I am hopefully optimistic now…..now that he hasn’t butchered a song in a while.  He’s got a very Billy Idol look going on this week….back into his punk rocker style….black fingernail polish.  <sigh>  It sounded a little bad in parts, but he really mixed it up.  It was a fantastic performance and he does that rocker scream perfectly.  Paula is totally freaking out.  The audience is going nuts.  Then Paula says, the reason you’re shaking up this competition is you dare to dance in the path of greatness.  <shaking my head>  And then she says, fortune favors the brave.  Wow.  Really Paula?  Pull yourself together.  This is embarrassing.  Simon says please learn how to express yourself.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  British humor.   He said parts of it were very good and parts of it reminded him of the Rocky Horror Picture Show.  <chuckle>  Ok Simon.  He thinks it won’t be as popular as last week’s performance and I think he’s right.  But still, this kid is the front runner.  By far and away.

 

Dumbo is singing now.  He picked “Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman”, another song by Bryan Adams.  He’s at the piano for this one.  It’s a beautiful song…but he’s no Bryan Adams.  That’s too bad…I think he’s a lot better than this.  It sounds kind of off.  Randy says it started off kind of cool and the melody went away.  He says keep it simple, it wasn’t one of your best.  Kara said……I don’t know what the hell she is saying…..it’s all over the place.  Basically the same thing Randy said.  I think Dumbo is in trouble this week.

 

Ironman is up now.  He’s telling Ryan he bought a guitar and decided he wants to learn to play.  Ok.  Sounds like a good way to pass the time…He’s singing “Endless Love”.  <sigh>  With a harp?  <quizzical look>  Huh?  It’s kind of a boring song…but he’s a great singer.  I was kind of hoping for something else.  But he’s been singing to his wife all season so tonight won’t be any different.  Awwwwww…Paula calls it magic, unique and unforgettable.  Simon says we know you’re a brilliant singer, but he’s disappointed with the version.  He did acknowledge the song obviously meant a lot to Danny.  <smile>  Yeah.  This is the only sob story I’m still rooting for….

 

Chris with a K is next.  He picked “Falling Softly” from the movie Once.  I have no idea who sings it on the soundtrack.  And I haven’t seen the movie.  But it’s a pretty song….he decided to sing without his guitar.  I don’t know why….but I really like this.  It was soft and sad and beautiful.  Then Randy says it never caught on for him…pitchy from note one.  What?!?!  What are you listening to Randy?  He’s wrong.  Ignore him Kris.  Then Kara says, it’s difficult to pick an obscure song no one knows, but I thought that was one of your best moments ever.  HA.  Take that Randy.  And how about Kara for saying something meaningful that I actually listened to?  Right?  First time for everything, I guess.  Tell me they are not running out of time……how hard is it, really?....to stick to a schedule.

 

Last tonight is Lil.  The other girl.  The one no one (meaning Simon) thinks is going to win.  Come on girl.  I really want to see you do well.  She picked “The Rose”.  <sigh>  I’m not really into this song….I never have been.  Usually women with amazingly great voices sing it….which is probably the only reason I have listened to it in the past.  Lil decides to put a little gospel into the middle of it, which suits her.  A very pretty performance.  A very pretty last note.  Paula says it is one of the most beautiful songs, and Lil has been down a worthwhile road….there was a lot more to that….but I’m afraid my head will explode if I really try to listen to Miss Abdul too much.  And then Simon – he says I think you’re getting this completely wrong, it was too soft, too middle of the road.  Why is he so harsh on her?  Lil speaks up and says, I put my own spin on it, an R&B spin.  Simon remains unconvinced, he says you are not the singer we knew at the beginning of the competition.  Ouch.  She is in trouble.  No doubt.  I wonder what she did to piss him off so much….

 

But she may not be the next to go.  I think Dumbo is definitely in trouble too….and we already know that Anoop will be in the bottom three….because he’s always in the bottom three.  Could be any one of them.

 

Later gators,

Heather

 

p.s.  Speaking of movies....this one is practically writing itself.  If you haven't seen this clip from Britain's Got Talent, take a listen.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

 

 

Welcome back to 24-land people.  We’re in the wee hours of the morning this week.  Which is what it feels like to get up and motivate myself for a drive into the City.  Beautiful downtown Baltimore.  Crack capital of the world.  <sigh>  I hate this city.  I really do.  If I had to work here all the time….<shaking my head>…..I would probably renounce my auditing ways and become a librarian.  <psst, I already have the haircut for that job…and the sweaters…..and the glasses>.  Of course I wouldn’t do that in this economy, but if I didn’t need money to survive….that is what I would do.  So it’s rainy and gloomy and miserable out.  Let me brighten up your day with a little recap of last night’s thriller episode.  It’s 1 am in 24-land.  Jack is still dying, although now they’re dangling the million to one odds of his survival in our faces.  Tony found the missiles.  The President was just about to bomb the crap out of Starkwood when JV calls and tells her to stop or he’ll blow up some cities.  He’s on his way to the White House.  So now you’re caught up.

 

Tony is still at Starkwood loitering around outside of the bomb building.  Jack calls to tell him that the airstrike has been cancelled and he has to get out of there.  And Tony is like what the hell.  And Jack is like, I knoooooooooooow.  Tony is being nosy and spying on some tanker truck that just pulled into the compound.  He thinks the President called off the airstrike because they have surface to surface missiles stockpiled here….the tanker truck is apparently pumping rocket fuel into an underground bunker.  [I had to rewind the stupid DVR like three times to figure this out by the way….you’re welcome.] 

 

Back at the White House and the FBI liaison guy, is it Tom or Tim?  Anyway, whatever his name is, he’s asking the President if she knows what she is doing.  And she’s getting all snippy with him.  She tells him that JV is coming to the White House and he’s like, huh?  And she yells, stop asking me questions!  And make sure no one sees him.  Then Jack calls to find out what the hell is going on.  He doesn’t believe her story and then he tells her about the missiles….and she just blabs it all out.  Yes, missile attacks were threatened, yes JV is on his way here.  Wasn’t she supposed to be keeping this a secret?  That lasted about five minutes, didn’t it?  Jack tells the President that Tony can blow up the rocket fuel.  She tells him that the missiles will be launched if Tony is caught.  Jack says trust me, it will work because I thought of it and my plans never fail.  And then she asks him how long he has to live?  <pause>  Huh?  Stay on topic here lady.  Jack says, not long.  But then I’ll be miraculously saved by an experimental procedure in the nick of time.  The President doesn’t authorize anything but says, do what you think is right.  You know….if everybody told him that…..this whole mess probably could have been taken care of hours ago.

 

JV gets to the White House is being very smug.  He compliments #2 on the ruse with Tony.

 

Dumbdumb calls Agent Larry and asks him if he’s ok with this.  And he says, yes.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Finally….Agent Larry is becoming cool.  We don’t need no stinkin’ Presidential approval!!  He may just be saying that so he can get a date with Dumbdumb....but whatever.  Jack calls Tony back and confirms he can blow up the fuel without getting caught….Tony says yes…..and it’s ON.  The bad guys are fueling the tanks.  They call the Evil Scientist guy and say they’ll be done in a few minutes.  One of the bad guys does another perimeter sweep.  When he leaves, Tony jumps in and beats up the other two guys.  But there’s a third guy out there!  Wait!!  Tony there’s another bad guy lurking about in the shadows somewhere!!  Ooooooooh…..this is not good.

 

JV is meeting with the President and says this whole thing is about Starkwood fulfilling its purpose….of dominating the world.  He says he was “deeply saddened” by all the dead people but they weren’t his fault.  Yeah….cause you’re insane.  He wants to do some business so he pitches the private army involvement in all US military strategy.  He wants a seat at the table.  The fifth branch of the military.  Ummmmmm…am I retarded?  I thought there were five branches to the military <counting on my fingers> - Army, Marines, Navy, Air Force, Coast Guard…..that’s five right?  Are they not all branches?  Is one a twig?  <sigh>  I don’t understand military stuff.  But I do know JV’s idea is totally nuts.  The President calls it blackmail.  And he’s like…yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.

 

Back at Starkwood, Tony sets the charges in the bunker and then brings the bad guy that wasn’t knocked unconscious back up to ground level.  Third guy, Tony!!!  Look out for the third guy!!!  Where is that third guy?!?!?  But the two of them that are there end up fighting back, one of them sets off the alarm.  The Evil Scientist is like, ok launch the missiles.  And the Good Scientist says, maybe we should think about this….and the Evil Scientist says you’re a schlub, out of my way, I have the codes anyway, bruhahahahaha.  Does that say Clarksville?  <chuckle>  Funny.  No choosing civility now, huh HoCo.  Tony can’t reach the detonator that he very inconveniently dropped in a grate that happens to be out in the middle of the concrete for no apparent reason except to catch detonators.  But he finally gets it, sets off the charges, everything blows….including Tony I think......yup.  He's probably dead now.

 

JV is still reviewing the proposal with the President.  Boy….is he in for one rude awakening.  TimTom interrupts and tells the President that there was a massive explosion at Starkwood and the FBI is locking down the facility.  He doesn’t understand what happened….but obviously the President knows what is going on.  She says get me Jack Bauer on the phone when this is all over.  And take JV and #2 into custody, lock ‘em up and throw away the key.  JV is inconsolable.  My only crime was loving my country too much!!  Or something equally melodramatic….but then he says, this doesn’t end with me.  You have no idea what you’re up against.

 

No.  She probably doesn’t.  And we don’t either.  Will this never end!

 

Agent Larry is calling from the field, the weapons were destroyed, no word from Tony (probably disintegrated) and now Jack has a call from the President.  She thanks Jack for everything….and then he totally forgets what he was saying.  Uh oh.  That’s the first sign of getting old.  And fatal poisoning by neuro-toxin.  He’s losing it! 

 

Back at Starkwood, apparently they did find Tony.  He’s in handcuffs.  Agent Larry is real sorry about having to arrest him, but Tony says it’s time to answer for my crimes.  Good for you Tony, get a little redemption of your own.  They’re taking him back to the FBI.

 

Jack is talking to the doctor.  He can expect more memory loss, personality changes….and there’s nothing they can do for him.  Dumbdumb tells Jack that Kim is here and he starts screaming at her – Who the hell do you think you are?!?!?!  Yeah, Meddler.  Nobody likes a Meddler.  They meddle too much.  Meddler.  Jack says, now you’ve put in front of me the one thing that will make dying unbearable.  Awww….that is kind of sad.  Then Dumbdumb says, but Kim has been trying to find you all day, since the hearing this morning.  Wow….I can barely remember back that far.  So Jack is like, fine, where is she?  Huh, they got the same actress to play Kim.  Elisha Cuthbert.  She is so pretty.  And apparently all about forgiveness now.  Daddy’s little girl.  Jack says, I thought I was doing the best thing for you by staying away.  And she says, I’ve missed you so much.  And he says I’m sorry.  And she says I blamed you for all of my mistakes.  And she says I want to try to the million to one experimental treatment of your fatal dose of neuro-toxin.  And he says the risk is not worth taking.  And she says I don’t want to lose you.  Then he doubles over in pain and begs her to leave.  I’m begging you.  She’s crying, I’m crying.  I can’t believe she’s leaving, not sure I could.  Then he starts to cry….and that is kind of creepy…..and really really sad.

 

And then we see that third guy again.  Finally.  Maybe he needed a potty break.  He kills one of the FBI agents patrolling Starkwood but then gets caught by another agent.  He’s holding a canister of the bio-weapon in his backpack.  The second FBI guy calls it in to Agent Larry and then he gets shot.  The third bad guy gets into an FBI SUV and is off with his bio-weapon.  Fake Chloe finds him on the satellite tracking the transponder in the vehicle he stole.  Agent Larry and Tony are following in the helicopter.  Then the helicopter spots him and they have to land because the third bad guy ditches the car and is on the run.  He shoots the helicopter pilot.  There’s a firefight.  Get Tony a gun for crying out loud!!  Agent Larry is shot and Tony is trying to help him….the third bad guy comes up behind them and Larry is trying to warn Tony and then…..

 

 

Tony knows him?  What’s this? 

 

 

Holy s**t.  This is awesome.

 

 

Tony KNOWS him.  Like he’s in on it.  Like…..he’s a <gasp> bad guy!?!?!?  Then….as I am watching in a panic with my mouth hanging open….he just goes ahead and strangles Agent Larry to death….and now my eyes are popping out of my head.  This changes everything.  Tony tells the bad guy to take the canister and hide.  He’s waiting for the FBI and he’s going to try to distract them away so the other bad guy can get away…..and then it’s over.

 

This changes everything.  Honestly, I thought this show was getting a little slow, a little monotonous.  I didn’t think they could pull it back from the edge…..and they did.  Just when I think I might be justified in not watching anymore….they slap me in the face and throw a bucket of ice cold water on my head.  Nice.  I love it.  Can’t wait for next week.

 

Later gators,

Heather

It’s go-time.  The great eight will become the sweet seven.  And we’re getting closer and closer…..Here’s Ryan in a black suit, red tie.  Very nice, very nice.  Randy is wearing paisley, Kara is wearing purple, Paula is wearing ridiculous gloves, and Simon “Darth Vader” Cowell is wearing black.  Ok, first of all – cheers to Seacrest for referring to Simon as Darth Vader.  That is awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwesome.  Second….what the hell is wrong with Simon’s hair?  He looks like a nutter.  <smile>  p.s.  That is one of my new favorite words.  Ok, so the first filler of the night is more blabber on the year Simon was born….here’s a song from the year he was born – Venus.  Wow….really?  Mr. Frankie Avalon.  Guaranteed that 95% of the kids in this audience have no idea who he is….which is really unfortunate, because he’s actually there!  Wow.  He looks great.  But I have a feeling he took the same Dick Clark Fountain of Youth Sold My Soul to Satan elixir.  It is funny that he showed up because this is exactly what I needed to compare the Cowell’s hair to – a hair helmet.  It just looks really mashed down tonight for some reason…like he did it himself.  Simon says he thinks Ryan and Frankie look like twins.  Nope.  No, you’re wrong Simon.  It’s YOU and Frankie.

 

Time for the group song – Can’t Get You Out of My Head, from the year Idol was born.  I cannot stand this song….because you…..can’t……get it…..out…..of……AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.  Some behind the scenes of the Ford music video commercial brain-washing fiesta.  This week was super creepy because they were supposed to be doing some kind of vaudeville magic horror show thing.  <shiver>  I didn’t like the glitter on their faces…or the weird outfits.  They were likes clowns from Hell.  Not cool.

 

So since everybody missed Drama singing, I’ll post it to the blog.  They take some time now to let him respond to the judges standing ovation last night.  He says he was very honored.  Then they all get to say something since they didn’t have time to last night….Randy, Paula and Kara…..nothing worth repeating. 

 

Now it’s time for some results – Dramdama, Chris with a K and Anoop de Loop Loop, please stand up.  Drama is safe, but come ON….we already knew that.  Anoop de Loop Loop is in the bottom three and now I think it’s time to accept the fact that America doesn’t really like you….he’s been in the bottom three for about eight months now.

 

Time for some musical entertainment.  Flo Rider is singing You Spin Me Right Round….I don’t know if that is the actual name of his song, but it demos the Dead or Alive 80’s hit so heavily that it must be called the same thing, right?  He’s a big guy….got the whole pants hanging of his ass thing going on….hate that.  The song was ok.

 

More results – Danny is safe.  Dumbo is safe….and Ryan is a HUGE jerk by the way….he’s gonna gives those kids a coronary.  Scott is in the bottom 3 and we all kind of saw that coming….Now it’s down to the girls – Red or Lil.  Red is safe, of course.  Lil is in the bottom three.  Anoop, Lil and Scott.  Ok, that all makes sense.  Simon says, we would definitely consider saving a couple of the people, one in particular.  I assume he’s talking about Lil….cause I think he likes her.

 

More musical entertainment – it’s the Pickle!!  Holy cow, she looks amazing.  This song is a little annoying….and she’s not the best singer…..but she’s fun and you don’t really have to be an amazing singer to sing country.  Just be cute.  And fun.  And have a ridiculous accent. 

 

Back to the bottom three.  One of them is safe……it’s Lil.  Ok, and Ryan, don’t be so mean!  He says 34 million votes were called in and only 30,000 separated the bottom 2.  Uh oh.  Scott is the biggest loser this week….I am kind of surprised by that it’s not Anoopy….but not that surprised that it’s Scott.  And by the way, you’re all going to hell now for voting out a blind guy.  And now he has to sing – Dance Puppet, Dance!  No guitar, which is a good thing.  Bad falsetto….but the song was pretty good.  I don’t know.  Simon says it’s a split decision, 50/50.  I can’t see them using the Save this early….I really can’t.  Kara and Paula are all wishy washy which makes Simon nuts, so he decides by himself and says it’s a no.  The kiddies come over and hug him (remember he’s still on the summer tour) and Paula tells him he’s an inspiration to the entire world.  Because he’s blind….but she doesn’t want to point that out.  <sigh>

 

Later gators,

Heather

Top 8.  Another night, one more chance to gleefully crush someone’s dreams….YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!  Here’s Ryan looking very dapper in a gray suit and tie.  Tonight’s theme may be a fan favorite, but it's always a stinging reminder to me how ridiculously ancient I am – the kiddies are singing songs from the year they were born.  <frowny>  This gets worse every year.  Note to self – find a mechanism for reversing the effects of time and gravity after I get off work today.  The judges are already sitting because we have NO TIME for that stupid introduction thank goodness.  Only an hour tonight.  I can tell the Hubby is sensing the beginning of the end.  Instead of the normal intro, we get to see baby pics of the judges while Ryan reminds us what their names are – Randy “Hot Dawg” Jackson in his black country shirt, Kara “Hyperbole” DioGuardi in navy blue curtains, Paula “Where are my meds?” Abdul in a black and white cocktail dress, and Simon “Too good for a nickname” Cowell in his Tuesday shirt.  Simon’s baby pic was a little creepy by the way, looks like a devil child.  And Seacrest had the funniest buck teeth as a kid – Paula asks him if he ate a lot of carrots as a child because she thinks she’s very funny and clever.  <sigh>  Oh Paula.  So we need to get started immediately because like I said, we only have one hour, and Ryan informs us the first contestant to sing tonight will be the “oldest” one <stifling the urge to scream and pull my hair out> who is Ironman.

 

He was born in 1980.  It’s always nice to be reminded that I am too old to even participate in this competition, not that I would, but you know if I wanted to I couldn’t because I am not an 80’s baby.  I am the Crypt Keeper.  <whimper>  Ironman has picked a version of Stand By Me to sing tonight.  Love this song and I have all the faith in the world in him.  It’s a slower arrangement and then it picks up a little bit.  Sounds a lot like muzak.  He has a great voice but I hate this version.  Randy says he didn’t love the arrangement at first but Danny’s talent made him love it.  Kara said basically the same thing Randy said, eleven different ways.  Paula said you’ve set the bar very high, very amazing.  Simon said the beginning was good, the middle was lazy and the end was terrific.  Overall a very good performance.  And he said he doesn’t understand a thing Paula says.  HAHAHAHAHA.  I’m with you Cowell.

 

Next up is Chris with a K.  He was born in 1985.  Lord, why do you hate me?  He is singing All She Wants to do is Dance.  Great 80’s song.  I do love 80’s music, I really do.  Because I was born early enough to be a walking talking member of society in that decade.  I like this guy too, more than I did, but I don’t like this song.  He’s playing his guitar out in the audience.  It was ok.  Kara says I’m a big fan, glad you picked up the tempo, but that arrangement lost a lot of its youth.  Paula says she’s glad he changed it up, you’re one of the most likeable contestants.  Simon called it indulgent, boring and forgettable.  He said it was a stupid stupid song choice.  Randy said the arrangement was a little indulgent.  Randy don’t use Simon-Words.  He reminded Kris that he is in the competition, not the song.  Good point Randy  <rolling my eyes>. 

 

Lil is next and she was born in Big Brother Year.  Her mom does get a chance to explain that Lil’s name is Lil and it’s not short for anything.  Well it’s short for Lily which was her grandmother’s name or something, but that’s not her name.  Her name is Lil.  So Lil is singing Tina Turner’s What’s Love Got to do With It.  She’s dressed like Tina and she’s dancing like her and she’s singing with her accent.  It’s a great impersonation.  The beginning sounded a little flat, but her strong voice sounds amazing.  I thought it was pretty good.  Paula says you look very hot, this week it was important for you to prove who you are and you didn’t.  Simon says I think what she’s trying to say is we’re not looking for a 2^nd or 3^rd rate copy, we’ve lost you, no idea who you are, you’ve got to start making yourself original.  Randy says we all love you but it’s really real.  <pause>  I’m not making that up.  Kara said ‘artist’ and I tuned out.  Good for you Lil for smiling after all that because I thought they were a little harsh on you.

 

Anoop de Loop Loop is next.  He’s a Tarheel and he’s all excited about the NCAA Tourney, otherwise known as My Chance to Lose Money on a Worthless Bracket Tourney.  He apologizes to Kara for overreacting last week which I'm guessing wasn’t much of an overreaction since I have no clue what he’s talking about.  Anoop was born in 1986 and he’s an only child so that explains everything.  He is singing Cyndi Lauper’s True Colors.  I love this song and he’s doing a great job.  It’s very pretty.  He gave it a beat, a little tempo, and it was really good.  Randy says you pulled it back, very nice vocal, very controlled.  Kara says you controlled the song, it didn’t control you.  Whatever that means.  Paula said it was a flawless choice and you showed your true colors.  Ok Paula.  Simon called him a singing yo-yo, first you’re down and then you’re up.  I don’t think it was fantastic.  And then he said Anoop de Loop Loop doesn’t need to apologize for anything.  I agree.  Especially if it’s to Kara.

 

Scott is our next contestant.  He was born in 1985.  He is singing The Search is Over….with the electric guitar.  Huh?  Why?  This sounds like a musical or a movie soundtrack.  I don’t get it.  Of course he can sing but I think the stinkin’ judges pushed him away from his piano and it didn’t work at all.  Kara commends him for playing the guitar and then says she wouldn’t have done that.  It had some good and some bad parts.  Kara is too wishy washy…..but that’s good sweetheart, you don’t want to make the same mistake Paula did….she’s gonna burn in hell for criticizing a blind guy.  So Paula says she’s glad Scott stepped away from his piano, but doesn't get the guitar either.  Scott calls it his punk side.  <pause>  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Oh Scott, there is less than nothing punk about you.  Paula says, overall, it was brave.  Ok.  Simon suggests he go back to the piano and says the song was horrible, awful guitar, and a boring performance.  Then he gets to say Paula’s advice was wrong.  And that made him very very happy.  Randy says everything was just ok.  And then Scott says he wanted to show how versatile he is…..but you’re not Scott.  Snot.  Not at all.  Stick to what you’re good at.

 

Red is singing now and I want to beat my head into a wall.  1992!  92!  You were born in 1992!  I’m having an anxiety attack now.  She is singing I Can’t Make You Love Me by Bonnie Raitt.  What in the world is she wearing?  She looks like Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  I like her though and I really like this song.  Paula says what is great about you is we hear one note and know immediately it’s Allison.  Good Paula.  Glad you know who all the contestants are, that’s a relief.  Simon says it was very good, but we need to sort you which is British for make you more likeable.  Huh?  She is likeable!  What is he talking about?  Randy says you remind me of Kelly.  WHOA there Cowboy, let’s rein that mustang in a little.  He says she could sing her face off and so can you.  <pause>  <and a little more>  Sing your FACE OFF?!?!  What a horrific image…..thanks for the nightmares Randy.  He says you need to engage the public more.  Kara goes, whatever they said, let’s go make a record.  Here, here!

 

Dumbo is up next and was born in 1985.  He’s singing Part-Time Lovers by Stevie Wonder.  He’s got his Justin Timberlake hat on and this is the perfect song for him.  It’s pretty good, back to his bluesy and soulful singing.  He’s got some of the moves too….Randy says vocally, one of the best.  Kara says incredible, unbelievable.  Paula gives him a standing ovation.  And Simon says a million times better than last week, congrats.  And we’re rushing because we’re late, we’re late, we’re late. 

 

Dramadama is singing last tonight.  He was born in 1982.  I cannot wait to hear the debacle that is him….but he picked Mad World by Tears for Fears….and I love this song.  Love it.  And now I’m annoyed because Drama will inevitably make this awful for me.  Except he doesn’t, not even a little.  It is the perfect song for him.  He’s sitting in a chair, center stage, backlit for most of the song and it’s beautiful.  Just beautiful.  He changed it up a little, put some edge into it.  A fantastic falsetto.  And I am shocked to say I thought he was the best of the night.  <gritting my teeth>  What’s this?  Simon is talking first?  That never happens.  He say the bad news is we’re out of time [shocker], the good news is I’m the only one who’s gonna say anything [YAAAAAAAAAAAAY] but words aren’t really necessary.  I’m just gonna give you a standing ovation…<staring blanky at the TV, dumbstruck>.  This guy could win!  He really could!....<shaking my head>…..

 

So that’s it.  Your great eight.  I think Lil might be in trouble but she shouldn’t be….and I think Scott will be in trouble.  We’ll see.  Time to watch Fringe.

 

Later gators,

Heather

 

 

Now it’s midnight in 24-land.  I can’t remember the last time I was up after midnight.  That’s college time.  That’s second pot of coffee time.  That’s catching a red eye flight time.  That is not my time.  So no need for a recap, Tony points out that it’s a trap.  Thanks for the clarification Alameda.  More humvees drive up with JV.  He points out to Agent Larry that they only had a warrant for one building.  OOOoooOOOOO good point.  Then JV gives Agent Larry a speech on why his life is so difficult.  And then he gives Agent Larry five minutes to leave.  Jack of course has figured out what to do.  He gets the Chairman of the Board on the phone.  Noles was apparently working with the recently deceased Senator in an investigation of Starkwood.  So he should have no problem helping Jack.

 

Ok, time to go except Tony has to stay behind.  Jack tells Agent Larry to create some kind of diversion.  So Agent Larry punches #2 in the face.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Great diversion.  Tony slips away unnoticed and punching that guy had to be fun.  The FBI flies away and all that seemed pretty easy.  Back at the FBI headquarters, Jack is losing it.  Physically, I mean.  He starts shaking, tells Dumbdumb he’s fine.  <sigh>  Obviously not.

 

Cut back over to the White House.  Jack calls the President and tells her about the ambush, Tony and Noles.  He says an air strike will work if we can pinpoint the location of the weapons.  And then the President is like, so Jack….how ya doing?  With the whole, imminent death thing?  Great Madame President, thanks for asking.  And then she thanks him for his service.  Really?  Like three seconds ago you wanted to put him in jail?  Now Radioactive Jack is shaking like a leaf….this is going downhill quickly.

 

Ominous Olivia is on the phone with Creepy Reporter Guy.  He knows about the bio-weapons and she’s about to hang up on him….but what’s this?  He’s going to blackmail her now with the info that she got Kanin ousted.  He says talk to me now.  And by ‘now’ he means drive to my hotel and talk to me.  She whistles for Agent Aaron and they’re off to the Creepy Hotel where the Creepy Reporter is staying.

 

The FBI is directing Tony and Noles around Starkwood using satellite images...kind of like a video game.  Now they’re trying to break into a building using a key card that has to be decoded….and there’s a car coming.  So Noles runs away <chuckle>….that was funny when I thought he was actually running away.  But of course he was just going to distract the Bad Guys.  The Bad Guys don’t buy his story of ‘so I was out for a midnight stroll around the compound’ and they put him in the car and drive away.  But Tony gets in the building.  They need Tony to find the weapons so Jack can positively ID them so they can send in the air strike.  And he needs to hurry because Jack just collapsed.  This is not good.  Now we’re thirty minutes away from being weapons-ready.

 

Ominous Olivia tells Agent Aaron to stay in the hall like a good dog.  <shaking my head>  Aaron….Aaron….why do you have such a soft spot for the crazies?  So Creepy Reporter Guy knows all about the weapons from Karma Karl, it sounds like.  He tells her to tell him what’s going on and he promises he’ll keep it a secret.  Man….he is totally creeping me out!  So she does.  She tells him.  Spills the beans.  Nice going, Olivia.  Then she says, the entire plan depends on secrecy, you can’t say anything.  And then he say, convince me to kill the story.  EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW <shiver>. 

 

Jack gets an injection of magic juice to stop shaking.  And then the CDC Lady tells him that there is an experimental experiment out there using stem cells from your relatives that hate you that could be a cure to the face-melting bug you’ve got.  Huh.  I guess we all saw this coming.  Radioactive Jack says no, not gonna bother my daughter and all her daddy issues with such a trivial thing like me dying.  Dumbdumb is so obviously going to stick her nose in his business here…..

 

A security force of Bad Guys searches the building that Tony is in at Starkwood.  And Tinman Tony takes them out two at a time!  What a bad ass!  Then Tony gets on the elevator with Science Guy.  Going down to the first floor which is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay underground.  And Tony found them!  He found the weapons!  WOOOHOOOO!  Tony sends a pic of the nukes to Jack….nice cell phone service, by the by.  Jack confirms that those are the weapons that killed him.  He tells Tinman to get out now, the air strike is on the way.

 

JV gets to Noles’ office where he is being held.  Noles says, I saw the FBI raid.  What the hell?  JV monologues for a while….like Bad Guys are wont to do.  He says, nobody wanted to know how it got done.  That’s true.  Nobody ever wants to know how things get done.  Except auditors.  Cause we’re crazy like that.  They go back and forth for a while – you’re crazy, I’m patriotic, you need to stop, you need to be more loyal.  Blah blah blah.  Then JV throws him over the balcony after he beats him in the head with an ice bucket.  Ok then.  That’s one way to win an argument. 

 

So the F18s are on their way to Starkwood.  Time to call the President.

 

Back at the Creepy Hotel and Ominous Olivia is ‘taking one for the team.’ EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.  So she’s like, you’re not running the story, right?  And Creepy Reporter Guy is like, sorry.  I have to run with it.  I did what I needed to do.  This is how the game is played.  No, loser….this is how the game is played.  Ominous Olivia has taped the whole ‘encounter’ [EWWWW] on her cell phone.  Now she’s blackmailing him.  He calls her a bitch.  Like she cares.  Mom calls and is like, where have you been?  We’re having a crisis here!  So Olivia is on her way back to the White House.

 

<sigh>

 

You’re all going to hell.  JV says this is a great day for Starkwood.  The missiles are ready.  The call to the President has been placed.  They know that we know that they know we’re coming.  JV is on the phone, a proprietary line, with the President.  He says call off the planes or I’ll launch my missiles.  I want to meet with you in the White House in the Oval Office in an hour.  Don’t tell anyone.  Just turn the planes around.  You have thirty seconds. 

 

 

Huh?

 

 

This is so confusing.  Why a meeting in the White House?  Of course she aborts the mission.  And of course none of the Legion of Doom have any clue why in the world she would do that and instead of explaining herself, she just walks out of the room.  Wanna get away?  Yeah.  That’s what I would have done too.

 

 

So Radioactive Jack will probably live after he gets some stem cells from his daughter….remember her name?  It’s Kim.  Dumbdumb will settle for Agent Larry after Jack tells her he’s no good for anyone.  Agent Aaron will show Ominous Olivia the error of her ways.  Tony will smirk his way into the shadows.  JV will probably blow himself up with one of his own missiles.  And the President?  She’ll sleep for a week after this is all over.

 

We’re getting close to the end people.  Until next week.

Later gators,

Heather

 

p.s. Congrats Mr. Incredible/Gym Teacher.  Yes we know you’re the Gym Teacher too.  As Queen of Awesome-Land, I demand you buy me a coffee to make up for this egregious defiance of bracketology code – winning first AND second place!?!?!?  <shaking my head>  Unbelievable.

 

 

It’s 11 pm in 24-land.  Sorry I didn’t get to this last week, but you know how it goes.  So, Jack might be dying from exposure to a bio-weapon.  Tony has been caught by the bad guys.  The CDC is on site and Jack has to be tested and scrubbed down.  He takes of his shirt and he’s covered in scars….yeah we know.  He’s been through a lot.  Then he gets naked!  How risqué.  And thanks for making that as not-sexy as you possibly could 24…..thanks a lot.

 

Back at the FBI and Jack is everybody’s favorite person again.  Well yeah, because this is an odd hour of the day, so naturally…Agent Larry tells Fake Chloe the story.  Starkwood, Bio-weapons, Jack’s gonna die.  Then he says the President has to decide what to do next.  Way to pass the buck there, Agent Larry….well yeah…..I guess technically he has to do that.

 

So over at Starkwood, they have Tony and the weapons.  Well crap.  JV knows the FBI is on their way since Jack knows about the weapons.  You know who he sounds like?  The Donald.  It’s spooky.  I’m serious.  Close your eyes next week and listen to his voice….I may be thinking this because we’ve been watching the Celebrity Apprentice….but I don’t know.  I think I’m right.  JV tells his minions we have to get the weapons ready.  Now they’re beating up Tony.  Oh come ON…he’s so not gonna talk to you!  JV offers to let Tony live if he talks….nope.  Sorry.  Nothing doing.  Very cool Tony.  Very cool.  The #2 wants to talk to JV….he’s having qualms about the whole thing.  Qualms are not a good thing when you’re a bad guy.  Qualms don’t make you a very good bad guy.  #2 wants to destroy the evidence while they still can and save the company.  He says to JV, you’re risking everything.  And JV is like.  Yes.  You moron.  That’s the point.  I’m crazy as a loon and this is the plan.  Jump on board or get the hell out.  I’m paraphrasing, of course.  He does tell him to keep his doubts to himself.

 

Back with the CDC and they have to run more tests on Jack.  The CDC head honcho is like, you saved a lot of lives today.  Lady, you have no idea.  They’re taking Jack back to the FBI to be debriefed.  But…….they already did that.  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  I crack myself up.

 

Now we’re at the White House.  <sigh>  I’m starting to get really annoyed by this part of the show….the President is looking for a new Chief of Staff.  And of course her back-stabbing so not trustworthy scheming conniving daughter has a pick….and guess what?  Mommy wants you to be the interim Chief until someone is officially announced….hmmmmm…..that Olivia is so sketchy.  Then the FBI comes in, Agent Larry is on the phone.  Larry tells the President the story – Starkwood, Bio-weapons, Jack’s gonna die.  The President just shakes her head…..welcome to 24-land.  Worst day EVER!  She says assemble my Legion of Doom (aka Cabinet and Joint Chiefs).

 

Back at the FBI and Agent Larry has to break the news to Dumbdumb.  Starkwood, bio-weapons, Jack’s gonna die.  Is there an echo in here?  Did the writers think this story was getting too complicated….is that why it’s getting repeated 8 billion times this hour?  So Agent Larry is like, Jack’s infected and his face is probably melting off as we speak.  Oh and I’m sorry for not trusting you.  How about lunch?  Again….that’s me paraphrasing.  Dumbdumb gets the dumb dumb look on her face.  Somebody smack her!  She’s crying and being all pathetic.  There’s no crying in the FBI!?!?!?!?  Somebody smack her again.

 

Switch over to the White House and Ominous Olivia is asking Agent Aaron to be her Secret Service guy.  You know what, Miss It’s All About Me, he already took a bullet for you.  And she’s not really asking, she’s telling him.  <sigh>  Liking her less and less.  She assumes his answer is yes.  Presumptuous much!  Time for the Legion of Doom meeting….worst day ever…..Starkwood….bio-weapons…..Jack’s gonna die.

 

 

 

WE KNOW.

 

 

The bio-weapon causes dementia and then death in about a day or two.  That doesn’t give Jack a whole lotta time….Starkwood is too big to attack.  <chuckle>  What?  What a nonsense thing for the military guy to say….it’s going to take a small war to take them down…..can’t deploy the military without Congress.  Sure ya can.  Everybody knows that now.  The President is like just figure it out, Legion.  I’m tired of pursing my lips so hard….

 

Cut back to Starkwood and Tony is still being “questioned”.  Random Bad Guy #7 says, talk or die.  And then he says….he bet JV Skins tickets Tony wouldn’t talk.  Looks like I’m gonna be sitting on the 50 yard line…..what?  No you won’t.  You can’t sell your firstborn child to the Devil for tickets on the fifty yard line.  What nonsense.  Then right before Random Bad Guy #7 shoots Tony in the face, #2 walks in and shoots #7.  He tells Tony, I need your help.  I’m in way over my head.  I am coincidentally and very conveniently having a change of heart and you just happened to be here.  Tony says, where are the weapons.  #2 says, where is my immunity to everything.  Get me a secure line!

 

Back with the CDC en route to the FBI with Radioactive Jack.  Test results are in…he’s clearly not contagious.  Which should be a good thing.  I guess this is Jack’s way of looking happy.  So…………he’s not gonna die?  I’m confused….I was so sure about that.  They get to the FBI.  Dumbdumb goes to meet Jack and tell him how much she loves him.  I mean tell him how sorry she is that he’s gonna melt away into a radioactive puddle of biohazardous waste.  So he’s not really ok, he tests came back positive.  He’s just not contagious.  So he IS going to die.  And then Dumbdumb gets that dumb dumb dumb look on her face again.  She is distracted by all the scars on Jack’s body too….yeah Dumbdumb…..he has sacrificed a lot for this country.  She knows he saved Karma Karl and informs him that he did the right thing.  Thanks for the endorsement Dumbdumb.  Of course, I’m a little annoyed to have to say this, but Jack probably did ‘do the right thing’ because Dumbdumb is such a huge pain in the ass.

 

At Starkwood, #2 is calling the FBI.  Is that a number you just have in your rolodex?  Seriously?  Tony tells Agent Larry about #2.  Then he asks about Jack and finds out that Jack is probably gonna melt away.  Time to get the President on the phone.  Scene change to the White House.  The President is watching footage of weapons testing and seeing what the Human Brain is capable of….pretty disturbing….more so because this stuff has happened.  I know it’s a show and it’s a break from reality and we watch TV to not have to think about this stuff….but it has happened.  And that does give me the eebie geebies.  The President is complaining that the government let Starkwood get this powerful by giving them contracts and looking the other way and are they trying to make some kind of statement about the Real World use of private military forces….say in Iraq?  Hmmmmmmm….that’s not really like them is it?  <read sarcastically>  So now Larry is on the phone explaining the deal to the President.  Big coincidence.  Everybody seems to trust #2 implicitly. 

 

Jack wants to go on the raid, and Agent Larry says no.  We can’t have your face melting off while we’re out there….and Dumbdumb has that dumb dumb dumb dumb look on her face.  Again.  Jack says, you’re right.  I always knew eventually we’d agree on something.  Awwwwwwww….so sad.

 

At Starkwood, #2 tricks a guard and gets Tony to the designated warehouse that he conveniently knew the latitude and longitude for…..the Science Guy tells JV it will take an hour to get the weapons ready.  Agent Larry talks to Tony, yep that’s the warehouse.  This is very dramatic music…..like movie drama.  JV hears the helicopter.  Or is just looking at the ceiling and this is some fancy editing.  Here come the fuzz.  Agent Larry tells #2 to stay behind them.  What?  I’d be like, I’ll be in the helicopter.  Get me when you’re done.  They blow up the doors and head into the warehouse.  And there’s nothing.  OH SNAP!  BUSTED!  YOU SUCKERS!  You’ve been plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayed.  By a plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaya!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.  I would be screaming my lungs out at this and throwing stuff wildly around….but on the show they are surprisingly calm for sleep-deprived zombies.  #2 says Tony threatened him and coerced him into saying the weapons were here.  You little stinking liar.  I don’t think Tony is a guy you want to piss off right now….that smirk means he’s imagining ways to rip all of your limbs off your body.  And I would have punched #2 right in the face if he had done that to me, just for the record.  Oh Tony.  He played you like a fiddle.  And Agent Larry is like, yup, looks that way. 

 

JV is watching the whole debacle on the security cameras.  He’s impressed with #2 for causing such a diversion.  Agent Larry is apparently on the completely wrong side of the compound.  Back at FBI headquarters, Jack knows the weapons are still there and tells Dumbdumb to tell Agent Larry to keep looking.  Why don’t they just give him a headset?  Agent Larry tells everyone to get outside, they’re going to do a point by point search…..but before Agent Larry can order more people around, the Bad Guys show up en masse.  You’re on private property copper.  Stand down or we will slaughter you all.  Kind of overreacting….don’t you think?  But at least now we know why Jack is back at the station….someone’s gotta save the day. 

 

I still think he’s gonna die.  I mean….how do you talk your way out of that?  He’s infected.  With a disease that has no cure.  Come on….

 

Ok….now on to the next hour which I did watch on it's normal night this week.  You're welcome.

It’s go-time people.  Tonight is the vote-off show.  Ryan tells us that 36 million votes were cast.  He’s wearing a blue or black suit…I can’t tell in this lighting.  Lady Gaga and David Cook performing tonight.  Woohoo!  And here are the judges, already sitting down and ready to go.  Randy is wearing an olive green t-shirt, it says something but I can’t read it.  Kara….<sigh>…..moving on.  Paula is wearing lavender lingerie.  Ryan calls Simon ‘Lord Cowell’, he’s wearing another black shirt and jeans.   Paula blabs on about potential.  Simon thinks Anoop de Loop Loop, Dumbo and Paint By Numbers should be worried.  I agree….except about Dumbo.  I think he’s fine.  The Ford commercial is kind of cool, mix and match the kiddies.  Now the kiddies get to perform.  This is kind of funny, they’re singing a Journey song ‘Don’t Stop Believin’.  But it doesn’t seem like they’re singing it live….and then it does……and then it doesn’t.  Maybe because it sounds…kind of….good?  Is that why I am questioning this?  Maybe.  But it’s a great song and it sounded pretty good this week.  Of course they didn’t show one shot of Randy during the entire performance, so who knows what he thought.

 

Now it’s time for even more filler, Ryan segue ways into a blurb about what the kiddies do all week and how busy they are and how tough it is being treated like stars.  They are living the high life, with a chef that comes to the house and red carpet events and so on….nice.  Then after the blurb is over, the kiddies start doing impersonations of each other, which I didn’t think was as funny as they did.  But at least you can tell they all genuinely get along and like each other.  But enough fun, it’s time for the results.

 

Paint by Numbers, Dumbo and Chris with a K, stand up.  Go to stage right.  Then he tells Dramadama, Lil and Red to stand up and go center stage.  Then he tells Scott, Ironman and Anoop de Loop Loop to stand up and go stage left.  Who is safe?  Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo? 

 

We’re back from the inevitable 8,000 commercials and Cookie is singing.  He’s not singing live and apparently this was big news….but AI tried to make it look like he was singing live, even had Ryan interview him in the same suit he’s wearing tonight.  So he was singing his new single Come Back to Me, or something like that.  And it’s great.  I still like him.  I like that AI finally got more of a rocker idol.  I wouldn’t call all of his songs rock songs, but he’s got a nice rock voice.  Anyway, after he sings, Ryan presents him with his platinum record.  And that was kind of cool.

 

Back to the results.  Chris with a K is safe, obviously.  Ryan tells Dumbo to take a seat….on the safe side of the stage.  Ryan….you trickster.  Paint by Numbers is in the bottom 3 and she can pretend all she wants that she doesn’t care what Simon says about her, but you know she does.  Lil is safe.  Ok.  Red….is in the bottom 3.  What?  Really?  I thought Others were worse…that’s surprising.  Not put me into a wild rage of frustration surprise…just an, oh I didn’t see that coming surprise.  Drama is safe.  <sigh>  Fine.  Ironman is safe, of course.  Down to Anoop de Loop and Scott.  Randy thinks it’s probably Anoop.  Anoop thinks it’s probably Anoop.  And guess what?  It’s Anoop!

 

Time for the only live performance of the night – Lady Gaga.  Not a huge fan of hers, but it was an interesting performance to say the least, very entertaining.  Cool bubble piano.  She’s a little scary though.  She was singing Pokerface.

 

So it’s down to Paint by Numbers, Red and Anoop.  Simon says there is only one person there worth saving, and I assume he’s referring to Red because I think he likes her.  But Red is safe….and I kind of knew that.  Tattoo keeps bugging her eyes out in a really ridiculous way…like she thinks she’s being funny.  She must have been drinking Paula’s kool aid.  Megan is going home tonight.  Before she even sings, Simon tells her there’s no chance we’re using the save on you loser.  <chuckle>  Listen…..I know I should have listened to her sing that song again for journalistic integrity….but I just couldn’t do it.  The Hubby deleted the recording as soon as she started and I’m real glad.  She is kind of torture.

 

Next week is the great eight.

 

Later gators,

Heather

 

 

It’s the top 9 tonight people.  I hope you’re ready.  We still have a few people that need to get booted out before we’re down to the nitty gritty <ahem, Tattoo>.  Here’s Ryan in his snazzy suit of the week, black with a light blue shirt.  And here are your judges, announced onto the stage like royalty….actually, I don’t think royalty is announced…..anyway, Randy has a Freddy Kreuger striped cardigan sweater and an extra ginormous watch on.  What is up with all those beads he’s been wearing?  Kara is in a black dress with trashy dangly earrings.  Paula is in a red boob shelf and gawdy jewelry.  Simon needs a haircut and is wearing his steady black shirt and jeans.  If Kara talks about artistry again this show, I’m going to throw something at the TV….stop provoking her Ryan!  Simon says he’s looking forward to Seacrest being amazing….heeheeheehee.  Ok, so this week is the Contestant’s Choice….sort of.  They did limit them to the top downloads…whatever that means.  The kiddies got to go to Ryan’s radio show, Casey Casum's American Top 40.  That was some great self promotion there Seacrest…..glad you got to plug yourself some more.  <sigh>  I’m a little wary about tonight….the kiddies are notorious for making bad song choices, especially when you leave them entirely up to their own devices…..so this will probably either be a total train wreck or surprising….let’s get started.

 

Anoop de Loop Loop is singing first.  He picked an Usher song, I didn’t catch the name of it.  He wants to bring his energy back this week.  Good lord, what is he wearing?  Is that supposed to be like a Michael Jackson jacket?  This song doesn’t sound that great….weird song choice.  He’s making oogey looks into the camera, the green lights are making everything look freaky.  He thinks he’s way cooler than he is, I’m afraid.  Randy says you picked up your swagger, good vocals but not a good choice, he’s a little torn.  I have the sinking suspicion we’re going to get a lot of comments out of Randy about song choice tonight….Kara thinks he played it safe, she says it feels like a bunch of frat guys dared you to sing that song…..??????.....uhhhhhhh…..what!  Paula says she likes his playful side but you need to work on your stage presence.  Simon says forget what she just said, that was a complete and utter mess, you looked like a wannabe, it gave me a head ache….which the Hubby adamantly agreed with.  In the to and fro at the end, Anoop pointed out that their opinions are their opinions.  That’s what makes them….opinions…..huh…..Anoop, you fit in well here.  These are your people.

 

Tattoo is singing next.  The Hubby calls her Paint By Numbers….which is kind of hilarious.  First, it’s funny….and second….how about him for coming up with his own nickname!  She picked Turn Your Lights Down Low by Bob Marley…..and I really don’t have a good feeling about this at all.  You are no Lauryn Hill, honey.  She’s got some hippy braids, chains, a seafoam bustier and jeans on.  This is kind of painful.  I kind of want this to be over right now.  Kara says I really like you but I think you’re in trouble, bad song choice, no falsetto, irritating.  Paula says at this stage of the competition you really need to dig deep and surprise us….and then some other blubbery that I didn’t understand.  Simon said the song was boring, indulgent, monotone, nobody’s gonna like that, it wasn’t you.  Randy says it was like watching paint dry (Paint By Numbers!), that took forever.  <chuckle>  Man she’s annoying.  She should have gone home last week…..

 

Ironman is singing third tonight.  He picked Rascal Flatts, What Hurts the Most.  Oh.  Oh my.  Of course I know this song, because I like country.  And of course I probably don’t need to remind you, but he’s the widow.  The rather recent widow.  He singing behind a mic stand with a violin accompaniment and a spotlight.  This is fantastic.  And then he belts out part of the chorus – Please come back to me!  Ohhhhhhhh….hold it together, Heather.  Holy cow.  That was emotional.  Wonderful, wonderful performance.  Paula said she would definitely hit repeat if she was in her car….are you sure you’re not in your car, Paula?  You never know.  Simon said it was the best performance so far, compared to the first two it was like two snails against a racehorse.  Where does he come up with these brain images?  Randy says the show just started tonight, keep it rocking.  Kara says you moved everyone emotionally, gave your heart and soul.  Oh Danny boy.  Loved it.

 

Red is singing next, with her guitar.  Has she played the guitar before?  I’m thinking no.  She picked Don’t Speak….by No Doubt…..because that’s what she grew up listening to.  Ohhhhhhhhhhh….we know you’re 16 sweetheart, there is really no need to rub it in my face.  I don’t think I would have picked a Gwen Stefani song…..but whatever, it was pretty good.  She was a little clumsy with the guitar.  But pretty good.  Randy said vocally it was great, you were rushing a little, but what are you wearing?  HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA…no kidding….it’s an incredibly weird dress….I don’t even know how to describe it.  Kind of punk and her hair is all spikey.  Kara says the rock in you comes out of you, it doesn’t matter what you wear, a good performance but not your best.  Paula says glad to see your axe…..<pause>……really Paula?  Trying to sound hip now?  She blabbed about something and then said something like she’s going to the finish line.  Simon called it an Addams Family outfit.  Heeheehee….slightly precocious, like a little girl dressing up as a rock star….then he said <chuckle> it was ‘dressy uppy’.  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Is that British for dress-up?  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  He thinks she shouted the song.  She’s adorable.  There’s no chance she’s going home before Tattoo….especially if that Confiker worm gets votefortheworst…..pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease <crossing my fingers>.

 

Scott is singing Billy Joel, Just the Way You Are.  This is not a surprise at all.  He says it’s just me and the piano, a stripped down version.  This is how he decides to be ‘risky’.  Um.  Ok.  The song is beautiful, as usual.  He’s got a weird new hairdo.  I’m kind of bored with Scott.  It was very pretty piano playing and very pretty singing….but…..I don’t know.  I think he’ll sell a million easy listening CDs….and maybe that’s just it.  Not my kind of music.  Kara said you’ve made great decisions for a blind guy, that was the perfect song for a blind guy, moving performance since you can’t see, very honest.  <sigh>….Then, get this, Paula says she’s most proud of you, nothing to do with your challenge <CHALLENGE?>, it has to do with the fact that when you sing I forget about your challenge.  Ok.  There are so many things wrong with that statement….I don’t even know where to begin.  It’s not a challenge, Paula.  It’s blindness….and it’s ok to call it that.  Second of all….how can you possibly convince us that his singing makes you forget he’s blind…..WHEN YOU’RE POINTING IT OUT RIGHT NOW!!!  You twit.  Anyway, Simon thinks it was his best performance by a country mile, glad he didn’t listen to Paula and get rid of the piano.  Randy called it one of the best tonight.  He may be right….and Scott may be here for a few more weeks….but I don’t think he should win.

 

Dumbo is singing next and I hope he does really well.  Those vote results last week were ridiculous.  You suck America.  He picked….You Found Me, by The Fray.  And maybe this is what the kids are listening to these days….unfortunately, I’m not sure if I have heard this song before or not.  It sounds kind of familiar, but I can definitely say I have no idea who this band is…..Dumbo is playing the keyboard out in the audience, which is different.  The beginning was kind of awful, but when he gets into the meat of the song, he’s great.  I think the kids will really dig that.  Paula appreciates his song choice, but she says you aborted the stuff we love about you.  Aborted?  Really, Paula?  She didn’t think it was a great performance.  Simon didn’t get it at all, he says it was very put on, very uptight, not a commercial song (I think he’s wrong about that), this was uncomfortable (I think he’s wrong about that too).  Randy says he needs to sing some Justin Timberlake, or One Republic (Apologize, one of my most favorite songs EVER).  Kara thinks he needs to commit to the R&B or rock side of pop, but she also thinks he doesn’t deserve to go home.  Me either!

 

Lil is after Dumbo and she thought long and hard about her song this week and settled on Celine Dion – I Surrender.  Wow.  Really?  Wow.  She looks amazing, by the way.  And you know what….she sounds good….but it’s not Celine.  <pause>  Nevermind.  She just let the voice loose…..and it gave me chills.  Wow.  She kind of crushed that.  Randy, of course, said he wouldn’t have chosen that song, but you sang it really well.  Nice.  Nice passive aggressive compliment there, dawg.  Kara, of course, would have picked a different song too, but she was also surprised how well it sounded.  She called it effortless.  Paula says you can sing, blah blah blah..,,she is having a lot of trouble sounding coherent tonight…. Simon says you were singing to stay in the competition and that’s no good.  He called it a wedding performance, and then HE picked the songs she should have sang…..Seacrest talks to her kids.  She apparently has twin girls...maybe they're not twins, maybe it was just easier to dress them up in the same outfit.  He asks them if they want to beat up Randy, one says no, the other says yes.  <chuckle>  So Randy grabs her up in a big grandpoppa bear hug…..and here’s more of that kid kryptonite.  Lil is crying.  The kid is absolutely adorable.  And they just made up for all the negative stuff they said about her…..nobody votes against cute kids.  Nobody.

 

Dramadama is singing weirdly close to the end of the night.  He’s not last….but almost.  He is singing Wild Cherries – “Play That Funky Music”…..oh man.  I can’t wait to hear how he’s going to butcher this song.  I am always prepared for that now….last week was a nice surprise…..but I can’t let this weirdo lull me into a false sense of security.  He’s got his hair slicked back again….and lucky for him it seems to sound totally different from the original, so at least you can’t compare him.  Lots of kooky dancing, lots of screaming.  That Elvis look can only get you so far, Drama.  Did I ever like this guy?  I can’t really remember.  I don’t like him now though.  It’s too much of an act.  Paula says true genius shatters expectations, then she compares him to Mick Jagger and Steven Tyler and I just choked on my cocoa.  What the HELL is she on?  Don’t drink the kool-aid Simon!  The Cowell says it was original, a brave choice, not going to make you as popular as last week but that really doesn’t matter now.  Because I'm going to die after accidentally drinking some of Paula's Coke.  Randy says he was afraid it was gonna be corny, but you worked it out.  Drama does give props to Ricky and the Band.  Very nice.  Kara says she can’t wait to see what’s next, it was like she was at Studio 57…..which was not yet another Kara speaking snafu….there really is a Studio 57.  It’s in London.  This is America, Kara.  Nobody gets British references here….come on.

 

Last to sing tonight is Chris with a K.  He picked Ain’t No Sunshine, which is a great song.  He wants to make it his own.  He wants to make it memorable.  Thanks for totally building up our expectations buddy.  You better bring it now.  He’s playing the piano….with a string quartet.  It’s quiet, and kind of eerily beautiful.  In fact….I didn’t write anything during his whole performance.  I was mesmerized.  He’s adorable….but no Kermit quirkiness in this one….just some heartfelt emotion coming out of him.  Like Danny….I think the audience really got this one.  Very beautiful.  Randy says you have been slaying it, lovin’ you.  Kara says, I have three words for you, that was artistry.  Someone’s been practicing their numbers!  But more of the arty art art.  <sigh>  If I had something to throw at the TV, I would.  But I need this pen right now.  Paula said you took a thirty year old song and made it like I was hearing it for the first time.  He’s married Paula, calm down.  Simon said, this is what I was talking about.  You showed some confidence, wow did he!  It was a cool arrangement, your best so far.  I agree.  This guy is golden.

 

The biggest losers this week are completely obvious to me – Anoop de Loop Loop and Paint By Numbers.  If Tattoo doesn’t go home this week, I will be very disappointed.  Come on America.  Get it together.

 

Later gators,

Heather