I am so far behind in this stuff it is unreal.  The Capitals won on Saturday, I am sure you are all dying to know.  My beloved Caps!  Rock the Red!!  Ok, anyway.  So back to 24-land.  Meet Tricia the Lawyer.  She is on her way to the White House but in true 24 fashion, she gets gassed first.  And then drugged some more.  Someone is literally stealing her identity.  This show is enough to make you paranoid. 

 

Tony is waiting for the cavalry and then he shoots himself.  Nice.  Maybe you should shoot yourself again, just to be safe.  Tony tells Bad Guy #19 to stay put, he’s still got to figure out how to get him in the clear. 

 

Back at the FBI, Kim says good bye to Dumbdumb.  No one can change Jack’s mind, yeah yeah we know.  Why don’t they just wait till he goes nuts and then do the procedure?  He won’t be able to say no then….But Kim is glad she got to talk to Papa.  Then Dumbdumb finds out Larry is dead.  She is a deer in the headlights, and not in that endearing way that makes you go ooooooooooo….how sad.  More like the way that makes you want to smack her in the face.  Hard.  Now she’s in charge.  Greeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaat.  Pull yourself woman!  She tells Fake-Chloe that Someone has to notify Larry’s ex that he’s dead, but she doesn’t think it should be her.  Uh huh.  Jack is still in debriefing.  He’s repeating himself a lot.  He’s losing it.  Then he wonders off and walks in on Dumbdumb’s briefing.  Dumbdumb tells Jack that Larry is dead…and he might be a little sad about that or it could just be the brain-eating disease effecting his facial expressions. 

 

Tony the Terrible is eavesdropping on the security sweep of the area and after he figures out the entire protocol he calls Bad Guy #19 to give him a way out.  Tony wants him to blow up the FBI.  Nice.  Nice and subtle.  Just as Dumbdumb is about to take off in the helicopter, Jack jumps in.  Dumbdumb is like whatever. 

 

Fake Tricia is at the White House.  The President hears about Larry and of course has no idea what is going on.  Olivia thinks that JV is behind it.  The President remembers what JV said about this being the tip of the iceberg.  She wants JV to go to the FBI to be interrogated.  But Fake Tricia is going to have something to say about that first, she’s in JV’s cell.  He knows it’s not her.  He wants to know how she’s going to get him out.  She says this is difficult.  He jeopardized the plan.  He developed the bio weapon for somebody else.  Very cryptic.  He wants to talk to Them.  And she says, your family will be safe if you commit suicide.  So she gives him a cyanide pill.  Olivia walks in, cuts off this lovely conversation and says we’re moving.  Babye.  Fake Tricia is on the phone with Them, she says it’s taken care of.  Tony is calling her too, he’s her guy.  This is extremely confusing, in a really annoying way.  Does anyone else have the feeling we’re going in a big circle.  Them is probably the White House.  Or Aliens.  Those are my two guesses.

 

Bad Guy #19 is in an abandoned apartment building.  He is setting up the FBI-killing C4.  Jack tries to talk to Dumbdumb and say he’s sorry about Larry.  It’s alright to be feeling what you’re feeling.  Don’t pretend like you’re not feeling anything.  And Dumbdumb gets bitchy as usual, don’t tell me what to feel.  Have I mentioned how much I hate her?  Tony sees Jack get out of the helicopter….uh oh.  Dumbdumb wants to see dead Larry.  That wasn’t a good idea.  Jack says it doesn’t add up.  Jack knows someone else was involved.  Now Tony is in trouble, but Jack’s not onto him yet. 

 

Jack isn’t doing well.  Tony follows him and sees him injecting himself with the anti-seizure meds.  You basically killed him too, Tony.  Bad Guy #19 killed one of the agents and then calls in to draw FBI to the bomb building.  Jack can’t go with her because he’s about to die.  Tony watches Jack like a hawk. 

 

JV takes the pill in the van on the way to the FBI.  Now they’re taking him to the hospital.  Dumbdumb and the Feds are going into the bomb building.  Then the debriefer calls Jack about a name Jack said he got from Tony.  Vincent Carter?  Jack gets off the phone before he figures out that Tony is Terrible.  He wants a map overlay of the transponder codes on the walkies for the Feds.  Jacks knows it’s a trap, tells them to evacuate, but it’s too late.  Of course.  The building explodes.  Jack tells the Feds to stand fast, he knows exactly what is going on.  Don’t let the canister out.  Bad Guy #19 is now in FBI gear.  Tony runs into the building to “help”.  Jack can’t get Dumbdumb on the walkie and for a brief shining moment I think she is dead but of course not, Jack finds her….disappointingly alive.  Renee says it’s like they knew.  I think Jack just figured it out. 

 

He calls the debriefer and figures out the Tony was lying about Vincent Carter.  Tony gets Bad Guy #19 into an ambulance before Jack confronts him.  Jack says if you were lying, I’d kill you myself.  Tony is like I couldn’t tell you about Carter, I made a deal with him not to say anything if he gave me the intel and Jack is like there is no such thing as a meaningless lie.  He is so ridiculously sel-righteous.  Tony says you’re not thinking straight.  Jack knows it’s him.  Tony says its paranoia.  Jack goes into seizures.  Tony takes the gun.  Then he basically confesses but Jack can do nothing and at this point I am hurling things at the television screen.  Bad Guy #19 kills the EMT and then holds the driver at gunpoint.  The end.

 

This show makes me crazy.

Later gators,

Heather

Ok people.  Monday night was hockey night in DC...or rather NY.  The game was on at the same time as 24 and Heroes.  And 24 lost the DVR battle....I will have to watch it online....when I get a chance....but you know I do have a full-time job so hold yourselves together for a few days.  I have not forgotten about this.

Welcome back to 24-land people.  We’re in the wee hours of the morning this week.  Which is what it feels like to get up and motivate myself for a drive into the City.  Beautiful downtown Baltimore.  Crack capital of the world.  <sigh>  I hate this city.  I really do.  If I had to work here all the time….<shaking my head>…..I would probably renounce my auditing ways and become a librarian.  <psst, I already have the haircut for that job…and the sweaters…..and the glasses>.  Of course I wouldn’t do that in this economy, but if I didn’t need money to survive….that is what I would do.  So it’s rainy and gloomy and miserable out.  Let me brighten up your day with a little recap of last night’s thriller episode.  It’s 1 am in 24-land.  Jack is still dying, although now they’re dangling the million to one odds of his survival in our faces.  Tony found the missiles.  The President was just about to bomb the crap out of Starkwood when JV calls and tells her to stop or he’ll blow up some cities.  He’s on his way to the White House.  So now you’re caught up.

 

Tony is still at Starkwood loitering around outside of the bomb building.  Jack calls to tell him that the airstrike has been cancelled and he has to get out of there.  And Tony is like what the hell.  And Jack is like, I knoooooooooooow.  Tony is being nosy and spying on some tanker truck that just pulled into the compound.  He thinks the President called off the airstrike because they have surface to surface missiles stockpiled here….the tanker truck is apparently pumping rocket fuel into an underground bunker.  [I had to rewind the stupid DVR like three times to figure this out by the way….you’re welcome.] 

 

Back at the White House and the FBI liaison guy, is it Tom or Tim?  Anyway, whatever his name is, he’s asking the President if she knows what she is doing.  And she’s getting all snippy with him.  She tells him that JV is coming to the White House and he’s like, huh?  And she yells, stop asking me questions!  And make sure no one sees him.  Then Jack calls to find out what the hell is going on.  He doesn’t believe her story and then he tells her about the missiles….and she just blabs it all out.  Yes, missile attacks were threatened, yes JV is on his way here.  Wasn’t she supposed to be keeping this a secret?  That lasted about five minutes, didn’t it?  Jack tells the President that Tony can blow up the rocket fuel.  She tells him that the missiles will be launched if Tony is caught.  Jack says trust me, it will work because I thought of it and my plans never fail.  And then she asks him how long he has to live?  <pause>  Huh?  Stay on topic here lady.  Jack says, not long.  But then I’ll be miraculously saved by an experimental procedure in the nick of time.  The President doesn’t authorize anything but says, do what you think is right.  You know….if everybody told him that…..this whole mess probably could have been taken care of hours ago.

 

JV gets to the White House is being very smug.  He compliments #2 on the ruse with Tony.

 

Dumbdumb calls Agent Larry and asks him if he’s ok with this.  And he says, yes.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Finally….Agent Larry is becoming cool.  We don’t need no stinkin’ Presidential approval!!  He may just be saying that so he can get a date with Dumbdumb....but whatever.  Jack calls Tony back and confirms he can blow up the fuel without getting caught….Tony says yes…..and it’s ON.  The bad guys are fueling the tanks.  They call the Evil Scientist guy and say they’ll be done in a few minutes.  One of the bad guys does another perimeter sweep.  When he leaves, Tony jumps in and beats up the other two guys.  But there’s a third guy out there!  Wait!!  Tony there’s another bad guy lurking about in the shadows somewhere!!  Ooooooooh…..this is not good.

 

JV is meeting with the President and says this whole thing is about Starkwood fulfilling its purpose….of dominating the world.  He says he was “deeply saddened” by all the dead people but they weren’t his fault.  Yeah….cause you’re insane.  He wants to do some business so he pitches the private army involvement in all US military strategy.  He wants a seat at the table.  The fifth branch of the military.  Ummmmmm…am I retarded?  I thought there were five branches to the military <counting on my fingers> - Army, Marines, Navy, Air Force, Coast Guard…..that’s five right?  Are they not all branches?  Is one a twig?  <sigh>  I don’t understand military stuff.  But I do know JV’s idea is totally nuts.  The President calls it blackmail.  And he’s like…yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.

 

Back at Starkwood, Tony sets the charges in the bunker and then brings the bad guy that wasn’t knocked unconscious back up to ground level.  Third guy, Tony!!!  Look out for the third guy!!!  Where is that third guy?!?!?  But the two of them that are there end up fighting back, one of them sets off the alarm.  The Evil Scientist is like, ok launch the missiles.  And the Good Scientist says, maybe we should think about this….and the Evil Scientist says you’re a schlub, out of my way, I have the codes anyway, bruhahahahaha.  Does that say Clarksville?  <chuckle>  Funny.  No choosing civility now, huh HoCo.  Tony can’t reach the detonator that he very inconveniently dropped in a grate that happens to be out in the middle of the concrete for no apparent reason except to catch detonators.  But he finally gets it, sets off the charges, everything blows….including Tony I think......yup.  He's probably dead now.

 

JV is still reviewing the proposal with the President.  Boy….is he in for one rude awakening.  TimTom interrupts and tells the President that there was a massive explosion at Starkwood and the FBI is locking down the facility.  He doesn’t understand what happened….but obviously the President knows what is going on.  She says get me Jack Bauer on the phone when this is all over.  And take JV and #2 into custody, lock ‘em up and throw away the key.  JV is inconsolable.  My only crime was loving my country too much!!  Or something equally melodramatic….but then he says, this doesn’t end with me.  You have no idea what you’re up against.

 

No.  She probably doesn’t.  And we don’t either.  Will this never end!

 

Agent Larry is calling from the field, the weapons were destroyed, no word from Tony (probably disintegrated) and now Jack has a call from the President.  She thanks Jack for everything….and then he totally forgets what he was saying.  Uh oh.  That’s the first sign of getting old.  And fatal poisoning by neuro-toxin.  He’s losing it! 

 

Back at Starkwood, apparently they did find Tony.  He’s in handcuffs.  Agent Larry is real sorry about having to arrest him, but Tony says it’s time to answer for my crimes.  Good for you Tony, get a little redemption of your own.  They’re taking him back to the FBI.

 

Jack is talking to the doctor.  He can expect more memory loss, personality changes….and there’s nothing they can do for him.  Dumbdumb tells Jack that Kim is here and he starts screaming at her – Who the hell do you think you are?!?!?!  Yeah, Meddler.  Nobody likes a Meddler.  They meddle too much.  Meddler.  Jack says, now you’ve put in front of me the one thing that will make dying unbearable.  Awww….that is kind of sad.  Then Dumbdumb says, but Kim has been trying to find you all day, since the hearing this morning.  Wow….I can barely remember back that far.  So Jack is like, fine, where is she?  Huh, they got the same actress to play Kim.  Elisha Cuthbert.  She is so pretty.  And apparently all about forgiveness now.  Daddy’s little girl.  Jack says, I thought I was doing the best thing for you by staying away.  And she says, I’ve missed you so much.  And he says I’m sorry.  And she says I blamed you for all of my mistakes.  And she says I want to try to the million to one experimental treatment of your fatal dose of neuro-toxin.  And he says the risk is not worth taking.  And she says I don’t want to lose you.  Then he doubles over in pain and begs her to leave.  I’m begging you.  She’s crying, I’m crying.  I can’t believe she’s leaving, not sure I could.  Then he starts to cry….and that is kind of creepy…..and really really sad.

 

And then we see that third guy again.  Finally.  Maybe he needed a potty break.  He kills one of the FBI agents patrolling Starkwood but then gets caught by another agent.  He’s holding a canister of the bio-weapon in his backpack.  The second FBI guy calls it in to Agent Larry and then he gets shot.  The third bad guy gets into an FBI SUV and is off with his bio-weapon.  Fake Chloe finds him on the satellite tracking the transponder in the vehicle he stole.  Agent Larry and Tony are following in the helicopter.  Then the helicopter spots him and they have to land because the third bad guy ditches the car and is on the run.  He shoots the helicopter pilot.  There’s a firefight.  Get Tony a gun for crying out loud!!  Agent Larry is shot and Tony is trying to help him….the third bad guy comes up behind them and Larry is trying to warn Tony and then…..

 

 

Tony knows him?  What’s this? 

 

 

Holy s**t.  This is awesome.

 

 

Tony KNOWS him.  Like he’s in on it.  Like…..he’s a <gasp> bad guy!?!?!?  Then….as I am watching in a panic with my mouth hanging open….he just goes ahead and strangles Agent Larry to death….and now my eyes are popping out of my head.  This changes everything.  Tony tells the bad guy to take the canister and hide.  He’s waiting for the FBI and he’s going to try to distract them away so the other bad guy can get away…..and then it’s over.

 

This changes everything.  Honestly, I thought this show was getting a little slow, a little monotonous.  I didn’t think they could pull it back from the edge…..and they did.  Just when I think I might be justified in not watching anymore….they slap me in the face and throw a bucket of ice cold water on my head.  Nice.  I love it.  Can’t wait for next week.

 

Later gators,

Heather

Now it’s midnight in 24-land.  I can’t remember the last time I was up after midnight.  That’s college time.  That’s second pot of coffee time.  That’s catching a red eye flight time.  That is not my time.  So no need for a recap, Tony points out that it’s a trap.  Thanks for the clarification Alameda.  More humvees drive up with JV.  He points out to Agent Larry that they only had a warrant for one building.  OOOoooOOOOO good point.  Then JV gives Agent Larry a speech on why his life is so difficult.  And then he gives Agent Larry five minutes to leave.  Jack of course has figured out what to do.  He gets the Chairman of the Board on the phone.  Noles was apparently working with the recently deceased Senator in an investigation of Starkwood.  So he should have no problem helping Jack.

 

Ok, time to go except Tony has to stay behind.  Jack tells Agent Larry to create some kind of diversion.  So Agent Larry punches #2 in the face.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Great diversion.  Tony slips away unnoticed and punching that guy had to be fun.  The FBI flies away and all that seemed pretty easy.  Back at the FBI headquarters, Jack is losing it.  Physically, I mean.  He starts shaking, tells Dumbdumb he’s fine.  <sigh>  Obviously not.

 

Cut back over to the White House.  Jack calls the President and tells her about the ambush, Tony and Noles.  He says an air strike will work if we can pinpoint the location of the weapons.  And then the President is like, so Jack….how ya doing?  With the whole, imminent death thing?  Great Madame President, thanks for asking.  And then she thanks him for his service.  Really?  Like three seconds ago you wanted to put him in jail?  Now Radioactive Jack is shaking like a leaf….this is going downhill quickly.

 

Ominous Olivia is on the phone with Creepy Reporter Guy.  He knows about the bio-weapons and she’s about to hang up on him….but what’s this?  He’s going to blackmail her now with the info that she got Kanin ousted.  He says talk to me now.  And by ‘now’ he means drive to my hotel and talk to me.  She whistles for Agent Aaron and they’re off to the Creepy Hotel where the Creepy Reporter is staying.

 

The FBI is directing Tony and Noles around Starkwood using satellite images...kind of like a video game.  Now they’re trying to break into a building using a key card that has to be decoded….and there’s a car coming.  So Noles runs away <chuckle>….that was funny when I thought he was actually running away.  But of course he was just going to distract the Bad Guys.  The Bad Guys don’t buy his story of ‘so I was out for a midnight stroll around the compound’ and they put him in the car and drive away.  But Tony gets in the building.  They need Tony to find the weapons so Jack can positively ID them so they can send in the air strike.  And he needs to hurry because Jack just collapsed.  This is not good.  Now we’re thirty minutes away from being weapons-ready.

 

Ominous Olivia tells Agent Aaron to stay in the hall like a good dog.  <shaking my head>  Aaron….Aaron….why do you have such a soft spot for the crazies?  So Creepy Reporter Guy knows all about the weapons from Karma Karl, it sounds like.  He tells her to tell him what’s going on and he promises he’ll keep it a secret.  Man….he is totally creeping me out!  So she does.  She tells him.  Spills the beans.  Nice going, Olivia.  Then she says, the entire plan depends on secrecy, you can’t say anything.  And then he say, convince me to kill the story.  EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW <shiver>. 

 

Jack gets an injection of magic juice to stop shaking.  And then the CDC Lady tells him that there is an experimental experiment out there using stem cells from your relatives that hate you that could be a cure to the face-melting bug you’ve got.  Huh.  I guess we all saw this coming.  Radioactive Jack says no, not gonna bother my daughter and all her daddy issues with such a trivial thing like me dying.  Dumbdumb is so obviously going to stick her nose in his business here…..

 

A security force of Bad Guys searches the building that Tony is in at Starkwood.  And Tinman Tony takes them out two at a time!  What a bad ass!  Then Tony gets on the elevator with Science Guy.  Going down to the first floor which is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay underground.  And Tony found them!  He found the weapons!  WOOOHOOOO!  Tony sends a pic of the nukes to Jack….nice cell phone service, by the by.  Jack confirms that those are the weapons that killed him.  He tells Tinman to get out now, the air strike is on the way.

 

JV gets to Noles’ office where he is being held.  Noles says, I saw the FBI raid.  What the hell?  JV monologues for a while….like Bad Guys are wont to do.  He says, nobody wanted to know how it got done.  That’s true.  Nobody ever wants to know how things get done.  Except auditors.  Cause we’re crazy like that.  They go back and forth for a while – you’re crazy, I’m patriotic, you need to stop, you need to be more loyal.  Blah blah blah.  Then JV throws him over the balcony after he beats him in the head with an ice bucket.  Ok then.  That’s one way to win an argument. 

 

So the F18s are on their way to Starkwood.  Time to call the President.

 

Back at the Creepy Hotel and Ominous Olivia is ‘taking one for the team.’ EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.  So she’s like, you’re not running the story, right?  And Creepy Reporter Guy is like, sorry.  I have to run with it.  I did what I needed to do.  This is how the game is played.  No, loser….this is how the game is played.  Ominous Olivia has taped the whole ‘encounter’ [EWWWW] on her cell phone.  Now she’s blackmailing him.  He calls her a bitch.  Like she cares.  Mom calls and is like, where have you been?  We’re having a crisis here!  So Olivia is on her way back to the White House.

 

<sigh>

 

You’re all going to hell.  JV says this is a great day for Starkwood.  The missiles are ready.  The call to the President has been placed.  They know that we know that they know we’re coming.  JV is on the phone, a proprietary line, with the President.  He says call off the planes or I’ll launch my missiles.  I want to meet with you in the White House in the Oval Office in an hour.  Don’t tell anyone.  Just turn the planes around.  You have thirty seconds. 

 

 

Huh?

 

 

This is so confusing.  Why a meeting in the White House?  Of course she aborts the mission.  And of course none of the Legion of Doom have any clue why in the world she would do that and instead of explaining herself, she just walks out of the room.  Wanna get away?  Yeah.  That’s what I would have done too.

 

 

So Radioactive Jack will probably live after he gets some stem cells from his daughter….remember her name?  It’s Kim.  Dumbdumb will settle for Agent Larry after Jack tells her he’s no good for anyone.  Agent Aaron will show Ominous Olivia the error of her ways.  Tony will smirk his way into the shadows.  JV will probably blow himself up with one of his own missiles.  And the President?  She’ll sleep for a week after this is all over.

 

We’re getting close to the end people.  Until next week.

Later gators,

Heather

 

p.s. Congrats Mr. Incredible/Gym Teacher.  Yes we know you’re the Gym Teacher too.  As Queen of Awesome-Land, I demand you buy me a coffee to make up for this egregious defiance of bracketology code – winning first AND second place!?!?!?  <shaking my head>  Unbelievable.

 

 

It’s 11 pm in 24-land.  Sorry I didn’t get to this last week, but you know how it goes.  So, Jack might be dying from exposure to a bio-weapon.  Tony has been caught by the bad guys.  The CDC is on site and Jack has to be tested and scrubbed down.  He takes of his shirt and he’s covered in scars….yeah we know.  He’s been through a lot.  Then he gets naked!  How risqué.  And thanks for making that as not-sexy as you possibly could 24…..thanks a lot.

 

Back at the FBI and Jack is everybody’s favorite person again.  Well yeah, because this is an odd hour of the day, so naturally…Agent Larry tells Fake Chloe the story.  Starkwood, Bio-weapons, Jack’s gonna die.  Then he says the President has to decide what to do next.  Way to pass the buck there, Agent Larry….well yeah…..I guess technically he has to do that.

 

So over at Starkwood, they have Tony and the weapons.  Well crap.  JV knows the FBI is on their way since Jack knows about the weapons.  You know who he sounds like?  The Donald.  It’s spooky.  I’m serious.  Close your eyes next week and listen to his voice….I may be thinking this because we’ve been watching the Celebrity Apprentice….but I don’t know.  I think I’m right.  JV tells his minions we have to get the weapons ready.  Now they’re beating up Tony.  Oh come ON…he’s so not gonna talk to you!  JV offers to let Tony live if he talks….nope.  Sorry.  Nothing doing.  Very cool Tony.  Very cool.  The #2 wants to talk to JV….he’s having qualms about the whole thing.  Qualms are not a good thing when you’re a bad guy.  Qualms don’t make you a very good bad guy.  #2 wants to destroy the evidence while they still can and save the company.  He says to JV, you’re risking everything.  And JV is like.  Yes.  You moron.  That’s the point.  I’m crazy as a loon and this is the plan.  Jump on board or get the hell out.  I’m paraphrasing, of course.  He does tell him to keep his doubts to himself.

 

Back with the CDC and they have to run more tests on Jack.  The CDC head honcho is like, you saved a lot of lives today.  Lady, you have no idea.  They’re taking Jack back to the FBI to be debriefed.  But…….they already did that.  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  I crack myself up.

 

Now we’re at the White House.  <sigh>  I’m starting to get really annoyed by this part of the show….the President is looking for a new Chief of Staff.  And of course her back-stabbing so not trustworthy scheming conniving daughter has a pick….and guess what?  Mommy wants you to be the interim Chief until someone is officially announced….hmmmmm…..that Olivia is so sketchy.  Then the FBI comes in, Agent Larry is on the phone.  Larry tells the President the story – Starkwood, Bio-weapons, Jack’s gonna die.  The President just shakes her head…..welcome to 24-land.  Worst day EVER!  She says assemble my Legion of Doom (aka Cabinet and Joint Chiefs).

 

Back at the FBI and Agent Larry has to break the news to Dumbdumb.  Starkwood, bio-weapons, Jack’s gonna die.  Is there an echo in here?  Did the writers think this story was getting too complicated….is that why it’s getting repeated 8 billion times this hour?  So Agent Larry is like, Jack’s infected and his face is probably melting off as we speak.  Oh and I’m sorry for not trusting you.  How about lunch?  Again….that’s me paraphrasing.  Dumbdumb gets the dumb dumb look on her face.  Somebody smack her!  She’s crying and being all pathetic.  There’s no crying in the FBI!?!?!?!?  Somebody smack her again.

 

Switch over to the White House and Ominous Olivia is asking Agent Aaron to be her Secret Service guy.  You know what, Miss It’s All About Me, he already took a bullet for you.  And she’s not really asking, she’s telling him.  <sigh>  Liking her less and less.  She assumes his answer is yes.  Presumptuous much!  Time for the Legion of Doom meeting….worst day ever…..Starkwood….bio-weapons…..Jack’s gonna die.

 

 

 

WE KNOW.

 

 

The bio-weapon causes dementia and then death in about a day or two.  That doesn’t give Jack a whole lotta time….Starkwood is too big to attack.  <chuckle>  What?  What a nonsense thing for the military guy to say….it’s going to take a small war to take them down…..can’t deploy the military without Congress.  Sure ya can.  Everybody knows that now.  The President is like just figure it out, Legion.  I’m tired of pursing my lips so hard….

 

Cut back to Starkwood and Tony is still being “questioned”.  Random Bad Guy #7 says, talk or die.  And then he says….he bet JV Skins tickets Tony wouldn’t talk.  Looks like I’m gonna be sitting on the 50 yard line…..what?  No you won’t.  You can’t sell your firstborn child to the Devil for tickets on the fifty yard line.  What nonsense.  Then right before Random Bad Guy #7 shoots Tony in the face, #2 walks in and shoots #7.  He tells Tony, I need your help.  I’m in way over my head.  I am coincidentally and very conveniently having a change of heart and you just happened to be here.  Tony says, where are the weapons.  #2 says, where is my immunity to everything.  Get me a secure line!

 

Back with the CDC en route to the FBI with Radioactive Jack.  Test results are in…he’s clearly not contagious.  Which should be a good thing.  I guess this is Jack’s way of looking happy.  So…………he’s not gonna die?  I’m confused….I was so sure about that.  They get to the FBI.  Dumbdumb goes to meet Jack and tell him how much she loves him.  I mean tell him how sorry she is that he’s gonna melt away into a radioactive puddle of biohazardous waste.  So he’s not really ok, he tests came back positive.  He’s just not contagious.  So he IS going to die.  And then Dumbdumb gets that dumb dumb dumb look on her face again.  She is distracted by all the scars on Jack’s body too….yeah Dumbdumb…..he has sacrificed a lot for this country.  She knows he saved Karma Karl and informs him that he did the right thing.  Thanks for the endorsement Dumbdumb.  Of course, I’m a little annoyed to have to say this, but Jack probably did ‘do the right thing’ because Dumbdumb is such a huge pain in the ass.

 

At Starkwood, #2 is calling the FBI.  Is that a number you just have in your rolodex?  Seriously?  Tony tells Agent Larry about #2.  Then he asks about Jack and finds out that Jack is probably gonna melt away.  Time to get the President on the phone.  Scene change to the White House.  The President is watching footage of weapons testing and seeing what the Human Brain is capable of….pretty disturbing….more so because this stuff has happened.  I know it’s a show and it’s a break from reality and we watch TV to not have to think about this stuff….but it has happened.  And that does give me the eebie geebies.  The President is complaining that the government let Starkwood get this powerful by giving them contracts and looking the other way and are they trying to make some kind of statement about the Real World use of private military forces….say in Iraq?  Hmmmmmmm….that’s not really like them is it?  <read sarcastically>  So now Larry is on the phone explaining the deal to the President.  Big coincidence.  Everybody seems to trust #2 implicitly. 

 

Jack wants to go on the raid, and Agent Larry says no.  We can’t have your face melting off while we’re out there….and Dumbdumb has that dumb dumb dumb dumb look on her face.  Again.  Jack says, you’re right.  I always knew eventually we’d agree on something.  Awwwwwwww….so sad.

 

At Starkwood, #2 tricks a guard and gets Tony to the designated warehouse that he conveniently knew the latitude and longitude for…..the Science Guy tells JV it will take an hour to get the weapons ready.  Agent Larry talks to Tony, yep that’s the warehouse.  This is very dramatic music…..like movie drama.  JV hears the helicopter.  Or is just looking at the ceiling and this is some fancy editing.  Here come the fuzz.  Agent Larry tells #2 to stay behind them.  What?  I’d be like, I’ll be in the helicopter.  Get me when you’re done.  They blow up the doors and head into the warehouse.  And there’s nothing.  OH SNAP!  BUSTED!  YOU SUCKERS!  You’ve been plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayed.  By a plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaya!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.  I would be screaming my lungs out at this and throwing stuff wildly around….but on the show they are surprisingly calm for sleep-deprived zombies.  #2 says Tony threatened him and coerced him into saying the weapons were here.  You little stinking liar.  I don’t think Tony is a guy you want to piss off right now….that smirk means he’s imagining ways to rip all of your limbs off your body.  And I would have punched #2 right in the face if he had done that to me, just for the record.  Oh Tony.  He played you like a fiddle.  And Agent Larry is like, yup, looks that way. 

 

JV is watching the whole debacle on the security cameras.  He’s impressed with #2 for causing such a diversion.  Agent Larry is apparently on the completely wrong side of the compound.  Back at FBI headquarters, Jack knows the weapons are still there and tells Dumbdumb to tell Agent Larry to keep looking.  Why don’t they just give him a headset?  Agent Larry tells everyone to get outside, they’re going to do a point by point search…..but before Agent Larry can order more people around, the Bad Guys show up en masse.  You’re on private property copper.  Stand down or we will slaughter you all.  Kind of overreacting….don’t you think?  But at least now we know why Jack is back at the station….someone’s gotta save the day. 

 

I still think he’s gonna die.  I mean….how do you talk your way out of that?  He’s infected.  With a disease that has no cure.  Come on….

 

Ok….now on to the next hour which I did watch on it's normal night this week.  You're welcome.

It’s 10 pm in 24-Land this week.  Here’s a quick recap of the day so far….just in case you’re having trouble keeping up.  We started off in Sangala….since not enough people really know what is happening in Darfur or Somalia or Zimbabwe or Nigeria…..we started off in the fake country of Sangala that might as well have been any one of these.  Killer kids in an evil army.  The US government tried to serve Jack with a subpoena but he refused.  He’s helping his friend run a shelter for young boys.  But the evil army is after the kids.  Jack ends up killing the Butcher’s brother.  Now Jack, Karl and the kids are on the run, trying to get out of the country.  Karl gets killed.  Jack has to be arrested in order to save the kids.  This season is called ‘Redemption’.  Jack is put on trial.  But the FBI needs his help to stop Tony.  But Tony is not really a bad guy.  He’s working undercover for the Mod Squad.  Tony is arrested.  Jack breaks him out of the FBI.  Jack is working with the Mod Squad to get the Device and find the Butcher.  The FBI is clueless.  Dumbdumb gets herself caught.  Then Jack has to bury her alive to save her.  Meanwhile the President’s husband is causing trouble trying to prove his son didn’t commit suicide.  So he ends up getting drugged, pushed over a balcony, kidnapped by terrorists, and then shot.  The good guys get the bad guys but that’s not the end.  Meanwhile back at FBI headquarters, Back-stabber is back stabbing everyone.  And everybody else is clueless.  Agent Larry is in love with Dumbdumb and extremely jealous of Jack.  More conspiracy is uncovered by Tony.  FBI agents are shot and arrested.  Back-stabber is stabbed in the back (not really).  Dumbdumb slaps Jack because she loves him so much.  The Senator investigating Jack at the beginning is at the White House with his Chief of Staff….who is conveniently…..a terrorist.  Jack finds out he’s in on the plot and “interrogates” him.  Then Jack is arrested.  Then terrorists break in to the White House and take the President and her daughter hostage.  They force the President to say she’s stupid on TV.  RoboBill sacrifices himself for the greater good.  Jack thinks it’s still not over.  Dumbdumb speaks up for him.  Agent Larry tells Dumbdumb she’s fired (basically).  If I can’t have you, no one can.  Jack “interrogates” the Chief of Staff again….except Evil Jack thwarts him by poisoning Jack with a nerve agent and slicing open the Chief’s throat.  Jack is on the run again.  Larry assumes he’s guilty because he hates Jack.  Jack gets Dumbdumb to help him identify Evil Jack.  Everything is tied to Starkwood, the evil private army drunk on power with notions of world domination.  He goes to get evidence from the Senator, but Evil Jack shoots the Senator first.  Larry assumes….again…..that Jack did it because the FBI has stopped considering evidence when investigating murders.  Jack is on the run again.  He kills Evil Jack in a super spy showdown.  He finds the location to the super evil weapon on Evil Jack’s phone, calls Tony and is off to save the day.  Again. 

 

Now you’re caught up.  Agent Larry calls Kanin to tell him the bad news about the Senator and Kanin is pissed.  You screwed up again Kanin.  Now the Senator is dead.  Jack is on the phone with Tony talking about where to meet and whether the weapons are already here.  They are going to the Port of Alexandria.

 

The President is talking to her husband….who is apparently not dead.  I totally forgot about him for a while there.  She tells him Olivia is back with the family.  And he’s happy about that.  Or high on pain killers.  Then Kanin walks in and ruins the President’s day.  I’m just kidding…..I don’t think there’s much he could have said at this point that would make things worse.  Kanin tells her Jack shot the Senator…and she’s like, well that doesn’t make sense.  THANK YOU!  It doesn’t make sense…but everybody is jumping to that conclusion because no one cares about evidence.  So Kanin says he has to resign.  He failed the President.  This is the only way to protect her and the Administration.  Blah blah blah.  Get on with it already. 

 

Jack meets Tony at the Port and they grab a Port Authority guard….the only security they see.  Of course Port Authority guy has a pregnant wife, which pretty much guarantees he’s not going to live through this episode.  He’s the guy from Enterprise, by the way.  The last Star Trek TV show.

 

Jon Voigt is on the phone with his Soldiers of Terror.  They’re still waiting for Evil Jack because they don’t know he’s dead.  So JV says, wait five more minutes and then just go into the Port….use extreme caution.  So the Board members are at Starkwood.  Greg (JV’s Second) is nervous.  JV is talking to the Board like a crazy person…we could have helped today but they didn’t want our help and so now we’re not cooperating any more with their investigations of us or their questions about what we do or their subpoenas.  Doug….who seems to be the President of the Board, disagrees with this tactic.  Apparently Starkwood has already been offered some kind of deal for cooperating with the Feds.  So JV tells Doug that the Senator is dead and Doug is like, tell me you didn’t do this.  JV swears, sort of.  Doug is useless and will believe whatever you tell him….<sigh>.

 

Jack explains to Port Authority Karl (remember that was the name of his friend in the mini-movie) what is going on.  Karl said they told him they were smuggling in electronics and paid him to clear the way.  Karl feels very guilty.  Don’t worry Karl, Jack has a plan that will probably get you killed.  It will all be over soon.  Jack promises him that they have Karl’s back.  Sucker.  That guy is so dead.

 

Karl walks to the gate to let the Soldiers of Terror into the Port.  They make him go with them to get the weapons.  Jack pretends to care and Tony tells him not to bother….even he knew that guy was dead as soon as walked out of the door.

 

Kanin is packing up his stuff and Olivia comes in to gloat.  He apologizes to her….in a really passive aggressive way.  And she apologizes to him for being so emotional....in a really passive aggressive way.  He gives her a little speech on ambition, which she totally ignores.  She’s real sketchy, isn’t she?  Then Kanin leaves, and she immediately calls that reporter guy.  What a bitch!  It was her all along!  You were kind of hoping she was a bad guy, weren’t you?  Me too.  So she tells the reporter everything, trying to take the heat away from her mom, basically destroying Kanin’s life.  She just blabs out that the Senator is dead and it was Jack.  [Um......EVIDENCE?!?]  Karma is definitely going to get you lady….just you wait.

 

Agent Larry is still…..still investigating the shooting of the Senator and thinks…..maybe we should call in the crime lab.  <sigh>  What is this?  Police Academy?  He calls Dumbdumb for help figuring out what Jack was doing there and she’s like, I can’t help you, I’m in love with Jack.  And he says, damnit Renee….so she helps him.  Blabs out everything about Starkwood and the whole deal.  Now she wants to help, but he refuses to un-arrest her.

 

At the docks, the Soldiers of Terror are loading up the weapons.  Jack and Tony are lurking, waiting to follow the truck.  Tony says, let’s go but Jack wants to save Karma Karl…..you know because he couldn’t save his friend.  <ahem> Redemption?  Tony tries to talk him out of it because he’s the Tin Man and has no heart.  He says one guy isn’t worth saving…and of course he’s right….and of course this is the same argument we’ve heard all season long.  Tony says damnit Jack!  But Jack has a plan….like he always does.  How about a shoot-out.  The two of us against them.  So when the Soldiers go to kill Karl, Jack shoots the guy first.  Karl runs away to live happily ever after with his wife and their twins.  Jack goes after the truck and leaves Tony behind to fight off ….I guess there’s probably about 6 of them left at this point…..by himself.  Jack jumps on top of the truck while it’s driving away and pulls the driver out, like Jason Statham in The Transporter.  Or Indiana Jones.  Tony gets caught.  Uh oh…..they know him……

 

So Jack calls Agent Larry and Larry, of course, doesn’t believe him.  Bio-weapon…..riiiiiIIIIIIiiiiight…..Jack says bring help.  Larry tells Jack he knows about Starkwood, yeah Renee told me….cause she likes me better than you.  When he hangs up, he notices that the truck is beeping.  That can’t be good.  Something is cracked.  Something is leaking.  Gas is leaking and that cannot be good.  So Jack has to shut off the gas…..so he just holds his breath and walks in and switches off the gas and runs out.  <pause>  Come on.  You can’t just hold your breath!  It’s a BIOweapon Jack…..Now someone is shooting at him from a helicopter.  He’s on the run again.  They hitch up the weapon to the helicopter and fly away.  DRAT!  Foiled again!  The Soldiers of Terror call JV to give him the good news.  They still have Tin Man Tony in the back seat, tied up.  JV says everybody is getting ready.  Jack calls Larry and says you need to go to the nearest Starkwood facility and arrest these fools.  Larry says, but I can’t without evidence.  WHAT!?!?!  NOW YOU CARE ABOUT EVIDENCE?!?!?!  You jerk.

 

Jack says, send the CDC to me.  I’m your evidence.  Because he’s been exposed to the bio weapon.

 

He’s probably going to die.

 

Told ya so.

 

 

Later gators,

Heather

It is 9 pm in 24-land.  It’s getting kind of late, huh?  The day started at 8 am, if you can remember that far back.  Jack is on the run from Evil Jack who is trying to frame him for the murder of the Travel Agent.  That’s where we’re at right now.  So Jack steals a car…..come on……like we’re supposed to believe he can hot wire that thing.  Is glass in old cars really that easy to break?  Cut over to the FBI and Morris is like, where the hell is my wife.  Fake Chloe says, I really shouldn’t tell you this but she’s been arrested, now wait in the conference room.  Then Larry calls Fake Chloe and fills her in on Jack’s ridiculous situation….of course Larry thinks he’s guilty as hell.  Because Larry is a self-righteous nimrod.  So Dumbdumb wanders over to Fake Chloe and is like, hey what’s going on with Jack?  And Fake Chloe says, well I really shouldn’t tell you this but Burnett is dead, Jack was there and now he’s missing.  Doesn’t look good…..so Dumbdumb goes to her office to pack up since she’s been suspended.  And then Jack calls….he needs her help identifying Evil Jack and she pauses a LOT during this scene, but you just knew she was going to help….because she’s in loooOOOOOooooove with Jack now.  Then cut over to Evil Jack who hears on the super secret FBI/police radio channel that Jack is still alive.  So Evil Jack calls Jon Voight to tell him.  The guy who is playing his second-in-command looks familiar.  The actor’s name is Rory Cochrane.  Yes, I had to find out or it would have annoyed me forever.  He was in Empire Records a million years ago and is starring the upcoming blockbuster bonanza Public Enemies (Johnny Depp, Christian Bale, Giovanni Ribisi, etc etc).  Anyhoo…..JV’s Number 2 seems to be having doubts about his evil mastermind plan and JV starts screaming at him that you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs….well not exactly, he’s actually spouting off about collateral damage and how nobody really cares about a few dead people.  He asks 2, you’re ok with this, right?  Hmmmmm…..I’m thinking he’s not really that ok with it.  Whatever It is…..so JV says, wake up the troops.

 

Dumbdumb calls Jack back and tells him that Evil Jack works for Starkwood.  Starkwood is a private army that is contracted out to the highest bidder, basically.  Jack doesn’t understand how they could be connected to Juma….and Dumbdumb says the Senator would know and she goes to find out where he is….Agent Larry goes to talk to Dumbdumb and he acts all nice even though he suspended her.  Then, when he leaves her office he tells Fake Chloe that Dumbdumb was talking to Jack…he just knows it.  Good instincts Larry.  He tells Fake Chloe to spy on Dumbdumb and hopefully she’ll lead them to Jack.

 

Back at the White House…..the White House story is never that interesting to me…..not sure why.  Here’s the gist of it.  Olivia hates Kanin.  Kanin hates Olivia.  Kanin is responsible for the Travel Agent dying, basically.  That story gets leaked to the press.  Kanin blames Olivia, but she has a cover story and deflects the blame to someone else.  Which makes Kanin look like an even bigger jerk for accusing her.  That’s it.  That’s all that happened the whole episode but they dragged it out soooooooooooooooooooo much.

 

Agent Larry stops Dumbdumb in the hallway and screams WHERE IS HE???  That’ll work, Larry.  Dumbdumb says, I can’t tell you.  So he arrests her.  Meanwhile, Jack drops in on the Senator at his house.  He’s there to see the files on Starkwood, since the Senator was investigating them.  The Senator makes small talk by telling Jack what he thinks of him….nice….everybody has an opinion on Jack, don’t they.  He calls him an enigma.  I wish someone would call me an enigma….that would be cool. 

 

Back at the FBI, Fake Chloe cannot decrypt the file that Dumbdumb sent to Jack with the Senator’s address….so Agent Larry blackmails Morris into helping them so that Chloe won’t go to jail.  He decrypts the file in about 20 seconds….<chuckle>…..aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh Morris….I still wish you hadn’t done that.  Chloe is released and is of course extremely unappreciative.  Morris says, you’ve helped him enough.

 

Now, here is the scene of the show.  The Senator and Jack are talking.  Jack talks about his regret.  He regrets the world even needs people like him.  <smile>  But it does….doesn’t it.  He says, where I work things get a lot messier than up on the Hill.  The Senator is talking about setting examples and being holier than thou and all that nonsense.  Jack says, you make it sound so simple.  Idealistic people always do.  Make it sound simple.  When they get past the light motif of the entire season and show, we find out that Starkwood was accused of bribing Pentagon officials and trying to obtain a bio-weapon.  The light bulb goes off….Jack knows Juma was developing a bio-weapon and testing it on his people and then would destroy the village so that there was no evidence of the genocide.  Now the Senator offers to help Jack….police are knocking at the door…..the Senator says it’s time to start trusting the institutions you have been protecting.  Jack says he’s a little short on trust.  But then he agrees…..WHAT?!?!  Why would you do that Jack?!?!?!?  Maybe he’s tired of saving the world by himself….but whatever the reason, of course it doesn’t turn out well.  The Senator is shot and killed, because it’s not the police, it’s Evil Jack.  Jack gets away. 

 

He lures Evil Jack into a mobile home or a trailer or something with a convenient blood trail.  Dude.  Even I saw this coming…..Jack bulldozes the trailer, which was kind of funny….and then the cage match started.  This was by far and away the best fight scene they’ve ever had on the show.  Kind of anticlimactic, because Evil Jack just gets stabbed in the end.  But totally brutal….a Super Spy Killing Machine Showdown.  But Jack wins.  Which we all knew was going to happen.  He asks Evil Jack to tell him where the weapons are before he dies….and Evil Jack says, they’re already here.  Uh oh.  And then he finds Evil Jack’s phone and lookey lookey….there’s an address, conveniently left on the text messages. 

 

Agent Larry, naturally, thinks Jack has killed the Senator and orders him to be shot on sight.  You know, Larry….there’s a little something I learned about from another TV show called EVIDENCE.  Get the CSI in there…..you can’t just go around assuming everybody is a murderer…..

 

So Jack calls Tony.  Finally.  I keep wondering where Tony goes during all this…..so he needs Tony’s help.  And then he steals another truck.  How many vehicles has he stolen so far?  This must be like the 17^th one……anyway, he’s off to the docks to get the weapons to keep the evil heartless soulless private mercenaries from destroying his country. 

 

 

I am starting to imagine that Jack may be shot at the end of all this.  This may be the last season of Jack Bauer.  It’s starting to feel like it’s all going to be over soon….and Jack will get his redemption.

 

 

I hope.

 

 

Later gators,

Heather

24 was on for two whole hours last night.  I didn’t realize that until the TV blipped on to record it….at 8 instead of 9.  Well, ok then.  That’s a nice surprise.  We’re starting at 6pm in 24-land.  If you remember, the show sort of ended during the last episode with the Butcher getting caught and all the conspirators being outed….except then Tony shows up and says, there’s another attack.  Tonight’s show played very heavily on the ongoing ethical question this show has asked from the beginning – is torture ever justified?  Don’t worry, I’m not going to get all serious on you guys.  But this show in particular forced you to think about which side you’re on.  And you may be on a side that you don’t feel like you can admit to….but in the privacy of your own home you can at least consider both sides in quiet anonymity. 

 

We start with the Butcher in the hospital.  Some random orderly injects him with something and he goes into convulsions.  What’s this?  Juma is in DC and the Butcher’s son is with him and wants to know where his dad is….the Random Orderly calls and tells Juma that the Butcher is dead but Juma doesn’t want to tell the Son that….cause you know, he might hold it against him.

 

Cut back over to the FBI.  Jack calls Chloe and fills her in on Tony’s new attack idea.  He tells Chloe she needs to delete the Travel Agent’s name off the list so Jack can interrogate him without interruption.  Then Fake Chloe barges in and offers to help Chloe and these two are clearly going to clash.  Chloe acts all suspicious.  And now Fake Chloe is going to be on to her….

 

Jack and Tony get to the White House and Jack goes in alone, after he tells Tony that he can’t involve RoboBill.  The Travel Agent calls Juma and tells him there may be a problem….cause you know he doesn’t want to get blowed up today.  Senator Mayer is at the White House, talking to Kanin who is trying to explain why Jack should be left off the hook but the Senator is not buying it.  Mayer is going to be a total d**k about it.  I love self-righteous people. 

Jack storms into RoboBill’s office and pulls a gun on him.  He explains he needs the Travel Agent, plot, Tony, blah blah blah, can’t use your help.  Then he puts RoboBill in a choke hold and knocks him out, you know, just to protect him.  That was so considerate.

 

Agent Eye Candy finally gets around to calling Agent Larry and tells him that the Butcher is dead.  She thinks he was murdered,and then Agent Larry accuses her of passing off Jack’s ideas as her own which she gets completely pissy about.  Listen lady, if you hadn’t been following him around like a dog all day, poor Larry wouldn’t be so skeptical.  He tells her to come back to the FBI after she follows up on the Random Murdering Orderly.

 

The Travel Agent tries to leave the White House, but not before Jack gets him.  Uh oh.  Now you’re in trouble, buddy.  Jack stuns him with a stun gun and says….. “We’re gonna have a talk.”  And by ‘talk’ he means, I’m gonna beat the crap out of you now.  Classic Jack Bauer.

 

Back at the FBI and Fake Chloe is complaining to Agent Larry about Chloe.  She dug up the cell phone call from Jack to Chloe and now they know about the plan to get the Travel Agent.  Larry grabs Chloe and as she’s being hauled away, she gives Fake Chloe the evil look of death.  Larry calls the White House and interrupts a meeting between the President and Mayer to explain that Jack has gone all ‘rogue agent’ on them again and is in the White House right now torturing someone.

 

Jack’s not torturing him though…..he’s questioning him.  He knows that this guy knows something.  He says to the Travel Agent, you of all people should know what I’m capable of, since this is the guy that has been investigating him.  The Travel Agent starts to chirp, but then the President interrupts.  DAMN!  So close….the President orders Jack to stand down, Jack stuns the phone, security blows the door up and Mayer starts yelling at him.  Jack says whatever happens, it’s on you.  Mayer points out that the President is talking about condoning the torture of this guy and then Jack points out that two plane-fuls of people have already been blown up and they could have the chance to save that many people.  Mayer calls him reprehensible, and Jack turns right around and calls him weak.  I think….probably…..they’re both right.  Right?

 

Kanin is acting completely not suspicious anymore….what was that all about before?  Jack is arrested.  Mayer offers to talk to the Travel Agent because he says he knows the guy and the President is like, clearly you don’t know him at all.  Yeah, jerky.  You don’t know Jack.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  The President sums up the irony of the situation – Bauer is going to prison and a traitor will get to walk.  She tries to offer the Travel Agent immunity, but he asks for a lawyer instead.  Huh?  That’s an interesting play.  The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.  I can make jokes like that, because Papa Darth is a lawyer and a good one and lawyers always enjoy jokes about lawyers for some reason.  A lot of times, lawyers are the only people who laugh at lawyer jokes….

 

So Agent Dumb Dumb….that’s her new nickname.  I’m tired of calling her eye candy, because she’s not as pretty as she used to be or maybe that’s just because I hate her…..and she always seems to end up doing dumb things.  Like following the Random Murdering Orderly by herself.  She tracks him to some warehouse and sees Juma.  So she calls Larry, which I half expected her not to do.  I kind of expected her to run in guns a blazin'.  Seeking vengeance for the Girlfriend and her Sister.  But instead, she tells Larry it is Juma so Larry is coming himself with a team to the Bad Guy Warehouse.  At least she stays hidden, maybe I can’t call her Dumbdumb after all….<sigh>….then the soldiers start to leave and end up getting on some boat.  So Dumbdumb jumps on the boat and loses her gun.  Nevermind.  It’s the perfect nickname.

 

RoboBill calls Tony and says Jack has been arrested.  He’s annoyed that nobody told him about the plan.  It’s because of that awful haircut Bill, nobody trusts you now.  Tony tells RoboBill his contact is dead…..but why am I getting the feeling that his contact is probably himself or something else equally shady.

 

Larry can’t find Dumbdumb or get her on the phone.  That’s because she sneaking around the Bad Guy Boat trying to not get caught.  The soldiers jump in the water with some scuba gear…so Dumbdumb runs inside the boat to look at the plans.  It’s the White House!!  What!!  Just kidding, I already knew that from last week’s spoiler.  Fox kind of sucks that way.  Mini-Butcher sees her though the window and the chase is on.  Dumbdumb jumps into the water and the Mini-Butcher grabs a speed boat.

 

The first hour ends with the soldiers drilling underground. 

 

Now it’s 7pm in 24-land.

 

The President’s Daughter is asking about mom and says she wants to go to the hospital.  Aaron guilts her into staying.  He’s served under 5 administrations?  Yeah….I guess when you count everyone who has been murdered and indicted.  Kanin walks in and tells her, there is going to be another attack so take it easy on your mom, ok?  Like he should really have to tell her that…but whatever.

 

Larry calls the President and tells her Juma is in town and he lost contact with Dumbdumb.  Dumbdumb is still running from the Mini-Butcher.  She sees a Park Ranger and you knew that guy was dead before he even opened his mouth.  Mini-Butcher shoots him and Dumbdumb keeps running.

 

RoboBill is talking to Jack in his cell in the White House.  They have jail cells in the White House?  Yeah….I guess…..why not.  He tells Jack about Dumbdumb and Jack pretends to care, then he offers to talk to the Travel Agent some more.  RoboBill says no, and so Jack says ok then you have to do it.  But I’m not trained, says RoboBill.  How hard can it be to chop off some guy’s finger with a cigar-cutter, RoboBill?  Seriously.  Jack says you have to, and RoboBill says no.  You didn’t like my hair, I won’t help you.  <smile>  Just kidding, he just says no.  And be honest….did you lose any respect for that character right then? 

 

So the soldiers from the fake country of Sangala get into the White House with the help of some Random Maintenance Guy.  They are on their way to the Oval Office, killing as many people as possible along the way.

 

Dumbdumb is still running.  The FBI find the dead park ranger.  Mini-Butcher finally catches up with Dumbdumb.  Be awful nice to have a gun right about now…….so instead she tells him Papa Butcher is dead.  Juma had him killed.  Which he doesn’t believe.  So she hits him in the head with a shovel.  And he chokes her.  She’s juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust about to die when Agent Larry shoot him and I am so annoyed.  I really thought that was it for Dumbdumb.  Damndamn.  So she tells him about the White House and I guess that was important and all but it’s not like they wouldn’t have found out eventually….

 

Jack is getting transferred when Larry calls RoboBill.  And this is just priceless….RoboBill turns to Jack and says with a straight face – I could use your help.  AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  You know I would tell him to stick it where the sun don’t shine….but since Jack is a huge masochist, he’s like yeah sure, why not.  The Secret Service grab the President and they’re off to a safe room.  Aaron’s got the President’s daughter and they’re going to try to get there too.  RoboBill takes the POTIS tracker to get the bad guys to follow him and lead them away from the President. 

 

RoboBill is trapped but instead of killing him….they take him as a hostage.  Whatever….that is sooooooooooooo unbelievable.  Now they know that they don’t know what the other people know, which is where the President is….she is on her way to the lockdown safe room when a fire fight breaks out.  Jack has to lock the door.  Aaron and the Daughter didn’t make it.  And Aaron, as usual, is the most likeable guy on the show.  The soldiers are collecting hostages, but they are about to be outnumbered so Juma lies to the Secret Services and says, I have the President, you back off or I’ll kill her.  So they do.  Wow…..that was easy.  I wish all of my lies went over so well…..<smile>. 

 

Apparently it will take the bad guys about 15 minutes to open the door.  Do we have that kind of time…in this hour, I mean.  Now the FBI are outside of the White House with the Secret Services and I am still kind of convinced that this could never really happen in real life because we’d have the full force of the military at the doorstep in minutes.  I know the SS are killing machines….but as far as fire power is concerned…..you’re in DC for crying out loud, it’s not like they are no military bases within a few minutes by helicopter.  Dumbdumb finds out Jack is in the White House and Larry is trying to make it sound like no big deal, he says ok now focus on the President…..but you know what, clearly Dumbdumb has a thing for Jack now.  Forget it lady.  Jack is physically incapable of having a normal relationship.  Well.....probably not physically incapable.....but emotionally incapable.  And you’ll probably be killed by some anonymous terrorist who just wants to get back at him. 

 

So Senator Mayer is a hostage, that’s good.  I kind of really hate that guy.  Jack tries to convince the President that her daughter is probably ok.  Jack knows that the soldiers must have had help on the inside.  He sees that they have the access codes to the access panel, so he shorts it out from the inside.  Juma reassures his soldiers that everything is going to be fine, they’ll still be able to get the President.  So now he calls Jon Voigt…..finally, it’s this guy again.  If you don’t remember him, that’s because he was on the mini-movie aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages ago.  He was the one who apparently got Juma all the really good White House intel.  Juma says if you don’t help me figure out how to get her out of that room, you won’t get your shipment.  Ahhhhhhhhhhh, you’ve watched enough right?  They’re setting us up for the final hoorah.  After Juma gets got, they will go after Voigt.  So he tells Juma that the President’s daughter is in the White House. 

 

Aaron is still trying to get her out.  He says we have to  get a signal to the outside that they don’t have the President.  The Veep won’t authorize any action until he has proof that the President is still ok.  Now Aaron has been surprised by one of the bad guys and he gets shot in the shoulder as he shoots the other guy.  He tells the Daughter what to do and writes down the morse code for her.  But she gets grabbed by a soldier before she can get the signal out.  Now they bring Aaron and the Daughter to the safe room doors.

 

Jon Voigt is watching the whole thing on CNN.  Juma tells the President to come out or he will cut out the Daughter’s eyes, one at a time (ewwwwwwwwwwwww) and then he will cut out her tongue (EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW) and then he will cut off her head (EWWW….well, actually that wouldn’t be so bad…by that time you’d kind of be asking to be killed, right?).  She wants to open the door and Jack says no.  I assumed he meant that he actually couldn't open the door, since he shorted out the access panel, but that is apparently not what he meant.  She says listen, I’ve already lost a son, I won’t lose her.  She asks Jack if he would open the door if it was his daughter and he says yes, but I’m not the President.  Very very good point.  And thanks for making it look like a woman can never be President, lady….she orders Jack to open the door.

 

The door opens and Jack is scowling.  The President says, I wouldn’t have let them hurt you.  The President tells Juma to let the hostages go, so he slaps her hard in the face.  He says, oh no, I’m running the show here and you need to get ready to give the last statement of your life. 

 

This happened just before, but it made me want to chuck the TV right out of the window – Mayer goes, what have you done Jack?  Oh…..oh really?  He followed orders you prick.  He did what he was supposed to do you ass.  If he had ignored her, he could have been arrested for that too I am sure.  But she would have been protected and everything would have been ok.  But since he played by the rules, your rules, she’s out here and now you’re pissed.  Seriously, you have no right to be pissed…..I was so irate by that I could have spit…..but I didn’t…..cause spitting is gross.

 

So the show has kind of jumped the shark with the invading the White House nonsense.  You won’t catch this reality junkie admitting to even the remote possibility that this could happen in real life…..but then…..we don’t really watch TV to be reminded of real life, do we?  We watch it for something fantastical.  We watch it for the villains.  And we watch it for the heroes.  And this season, on this show called 24, the government basically, has to save the world.  With a little help from a friend who they will arrest in the morning.  I hope they get it right.  

 

Later gators,

Heather  

Welcome to 24-land.  It’s 5pm.  The Girlfriend is on her way to the Butcher.  Agent Eye Candy and Jack have been arrested.  And Back-stabbing Sean is the bad guy.  <pause>  But you already knew that.  So Blondie has found out about the warrant and is panicking.  Ohhhhhhhh….she’s in on it too!!  Back-stabber is trying to tell her to just relax, hold it together, everything will be fine.  Yeah.  I don’t trust this guy as far as I could kick him down a flight of stairs. 

 

So Agent Eye Candy and Jack are in hand cuffs and this is the kind of stuff that happens in 24-land that makes you want to throw things at the TV.  They were SO close to catching him…..SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO close and now this?!?!  Poor Eye Candy knows the Girlfriend is going to die, and we all know how well Eye Candy handles guilt.

 

So the Girlfriend gets to the Butcher and of course he knows she’s been talking to the FBI.  He smashes her cell phone and he yells at her.  He tells her the photos of him killing people in gruesome and horrific ways were …..lies.  Ok.  Like she’s retarded.  Come on, dude.  She agrees to go with him to Belize….obviously just so he doesn’t kill her.

 

Jack and Eye Candy finally get released.  Agent Larry tells Jack they lost the cell phone signal, but then the magical mystical Chloe finds the car on traffic cameras.  Now it’s time for the high speed car chase.  Jack crashes the car….which seems to be what he always does.  How does this guy still have a license?  So it looks like again, they got close and now the Butcher is getting away again…..but wait!  The Girlfriend grabs the wheel and crashes their car too.  They got them!  WOOOHOOO.  So Jack pulls the Butcher out of the car which is, of course, now on fire.  The Girlfriend is stuck under a seat or something and Eye Candy is trying to pull her out.  Jack tells her to get away from the car so she points her gun at him and says help me or get away.  She is totally cracking under the pressure, here……so Jack helps.  Never want to mess with a woman with a loaded gun who is feeling sorry for herself.  They get the Girlfriend out just before the car explodes.  Jack needs another ambulance for the Butcher.  And poor Eye Candy realizes that the Girlfriend is dead.  Uh oh.

 

The President is at the hospital.  Kanin is trying to update her on their successful Sangala invasion….but she’s totally not listening.  You know….cause her husband is in surgery and is probably going to die.  Then she starts blaming herself.  Oh good….more women feeling sorry for themselves.  This is an awesomely uplifting episode.  RoboBill wants to take her to the White House where she can be better protected….but of course she doesn’t want to go….but after everybody continues to harangue her about it, she finally gives in.

 

Jack tells the EMTs to wake up the Butcher.  He wants the names of the Butcher’s co-conspirators.  The people in the government who helped him.  And of course this guy has a list.  Where’s the list!  He conveniently loses consciousness before he can tell Jack.  But Jack figures out that the Butcher has a metal plate or something inserted in his body (I think it was the EMTs who figured that out, but Jack was the one who suggested they carve it out of his body).  It’s like Jason Bourne.  So the metal chip is the smoking gun.  Got to get it back to the FBI, specifically Chloe.  Jack calls Agent Moss and of course that means Back-stabber overhears the whole conversation and knows he’s done for.  Now he has to tell Blondie, who completely loses it.  But Back-stabber has a plan.  Crash the whole system.  Wow….that sounds like total overkill, doesn’t it?  But in order to crash everything, Blondie has to bypass all the safety protocols.  She agrees after Back-stabber makes goo goo eyes at her and tells her he loves her….and now I know he’s lying.  And she’s deluding herself.  And this is not going to end well.

 

Jack and Eye Candy are at the hospital with the Butcher.  And Eye Candy takes out all of her guilt on Jack, calling him an unfeeling monster and he's like, all that matters it that we caught the bad guys and saved the world….and then she says, you don’t care about the little people who got hurt along the way.  And Jack is like, yeah.  That’s absolutely right.  Come on lady.  Wake up.  <shaking my head>  I really hate her. 

 

Cut back to the FBI.  Chloe has the chip and she says it has an ‘auto-erase’ function which means she can only download it once.  Ok…..still good with the IT mumbo jumbo….but I have a feeling they’re going to lose me real quick.  Blondie and Back-stabber are in the Server Room of Death.  Back-stabber gets a call from the travel agent who has no idea any of this is happening and Back-stabber says, no problem, I’ve got it all under control.  Blondie gets the server to start crashing and Chloe, of course, immediately knows what is going on.  Back-stabber kisses her and then…..shoots her in the tummy.  Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.  Then he shoots himself in the arm to make it look like he was attacked by her…..so Agent Larry and Chloe barge in, the Back-stabbing Shooter is lying on the floor saying, it wasn’t me!  It wasn’t me!  But the servers have been erased.  Now we’ll never know who in the government has been corrupted.

 

Agent Larry believes Back-stabber's cockamamie story…..he sounds like a liar liar pants on fire to me….but then Chloe pulls a rabbit out of her hat….explains some IT Sanskrit to Agent Larry and the important part is that she has the files.  Somehow.  Probably magic.  Or time travel.  Now Back-stabber is acting really weird, but Agent Larry is writing it off to shock.  Now Fake-Chloe wants to know what the hell is going on….but Back-stabber is like back off chica, I just shot my girlfriend.  I’m kidding….he didn’t say that….he just said, gotta go run some errands.  Because that’s not suspicious or anything.  And he’s trying to leave the building, but they already know it’s him and in a rare show of competence, they catch him before he can get away.  He’s not talking, he wants a lawyer.  Of course you do Back-stabber.  Of course you do. 

 

Sister shows up at the hospital and Eye Candy has to tell her that her Sister is dead.  Then she tries to apologize, and honey, I would not have wanted to hear that either.  The Sister starts yelling at her – You killed my sister!!  Never mind that the Girlfriend volunteered for this.  Never mind that the Girlfriend was the one who crashed the car.  Never mind all that.  Jack calls Eye Candy away from the Sister and tells her it’s over.  Chloe got the names.  But Eye Candy just……can’t…..let…..it…..go.  Don’t you feel anything!  She's screaming at him and then she’s slapping him in the face.  Do you feel that!  Man…..Jack is showing some real constraint here.  Because I would have slapped her right back.  With a two by four.  I can’t stand this woman.  And all her whining.  Just shut it already!  Jack tells her she’ll learn to live with it.  And she’s like, I don’t want to learn to live with it.  And so he says, then quit.  Yeah, quitter, why don’t you quit?  Stupid quitter.  And then he says (hehehehehehehehehe) if you ever pull your gun on me again you better intend on using it, and she says, I did.  OOOOoooooOOOOOOO, no she di-idn’t!!  That was an awesome scene.  But I still hate her with a passion.

 

So it’s over, right?  We’re all done.  The bad guys have been got.  No more crises to thwart.  Show’s over?

 

 

<long pause>

 

 

 

Hang on.  It’s only 5:50pm.  Didn’t this show start at 8 am?  What the hell?

 

 

The First Daughter is finally at the White House.  And she’s being a typical First Daughter, saying it took dad getting shot for you to want to talk.  Nice.  Give your mom a hard time.  Today.  That’s awesome.  So RoboBill tells the President they got all the names, thanks to Jack.  Then he starts trying to convince the President that Jack kind of deserves a break from this congressional hearing bs, you know….since he saved the country and your husband and probably the entire galaxy because of his heroics today.  He might just deserve a ‘thank you’.  <shrug>  Makes sense to me.  So she goes….typical woman…..I’ll think about it.  Hahahahahahahaha….way to not get too emotional.  Maybe if the First Gentleman lives, she’ll help.

 

So Jack is on the steps near the Reflecting Pool (?) down on the Mall….couldn’t really see where he was sitting.  And Tony shows up.  Aha!  Jack asks him why he hasn’t turned himself in yet.  Oh you know, because there’s another attack planned on DC and I need your help Jack to stop it.  Wha-WHAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!  So this attack is from Juma himself according to Tony’s mystery source.  Juma, because he’s a sore loser, is going to attack some high profile target in DC (I watched the previews, so I know where it is but I won’t ruin it for you in case you missed them).  Tony tells Jack that Senator Mayer’s Chief of Staff is in on it.  Senator Mayer is the guy running the congressional hearing against Jack.  And his Chief of Staff is, get this, the travel agent.  Nice.  At least we find out how that guy really fit in to the whole thing.  Jack says you better not be lying to me Tony.  I don’t think he would lie to you Jack.  So Tony says, if you’re with me, meet me later.  I need your help.  Doesn’t everybody always need his help?

 

The show ends with the Travel Agent, whose name is Ryan apparently, talking to the Senator.  The President wants to meet with the Senator about Jack, good she finally came to her senses, and the Senator wants the Travel Agent to come with him to the White House….and his look of deep concern should have tipped you off as to where the attack is supposed to happen.  He gets a text message (terrorist plans is apparently one of the aps you can get on your iPhone) that says ‘Units in place.  Operation on schedule.’  Operation Worst Day Ever seems to be on schedule too.  Come on Jack, you had to know it wasn’t over yet.  It’s never over until the carriage turns back into a pumpkin.  You’ve been through enough of these to know, it always lasts 24 hours.  Exactly.  <smile> Otherwise they would call the show something else.....

 

Later gators,

Heather

Pumpkin is under the weather.  This is not good.  I don’t like to have my cat not feeling well….it’s so pathetic and sad.  The first clue that the Princess is not in tip top shape - she stops eating.  Then she just curls up and looks as annoyed as possible.  And of course I fret over her when she’s like this…I have stopped taking her to the vet immediately though.  After a few $400 bills for an upset tummy diagnosis, I figured the cat would be better off at home doing whatever she pleases to make herself feel better instead of being stuffed into a crate and then hauled out by some total stranger, prodded and poked and then stuffed back in more than likely with a big bottle of pills or pastey stuff that has to be shoved down her throat every few hours.  Princess P usually heals herself within about 36 hours.  I have a feeling she just gets too hungry to be dramatic about an upset tummy anymore….but whatever, going to the vet was clearly more for my own peace of mind than it was for her health….so I will stare at her intently to make sure she keeps breathing and wait…..

 

It is 4 pm in 24-land.  Think back to how the day started….Jack on trial.  Remember he still has that to look forward to….

 

The ambulance gets to the grocery store where Papa Taylor is bleeding to death.  Jack has to call the President….uh oh.  Bad news.

 

Kanin is trying to tell the President to stay calm….but Jack is on the phone telling her that Papa is probably going to die.  And the Butcher got away, probably trying to get out of the country.  So they’re going to need to find him pretty fast.  The President wants to go to the hospital….but Kanin thinks that’s a bad idea.  HAHAHAHA….I’m not sure she really cares what you think buddy.  RoboBill offers to take her there.  Kanin says you’re not authorized.  RoboBill wants to bring in Chloe to help with this investigation.  Kanin is very reluctant….hmmmmm….suspicious.  The President is piiiiiiiiiiiiiiissed.  No kidding lady.  If someone shot my Hubby….I’d be a bit uncontrollable too.

 

The Butcher shows up at the Girlfriend’s restaurant.  He tells her he has to leave the country.  Uh oh.  He says he’s here illegally.  The Girlfriend thinks it’s her sister that has tipped of INS.  He says he needs to leave tonight, and he wants her to come.  She says now’s not a good time.  He promises to bring the sister along, but asks the Girlfriend not to tell her Sister anything now.  He tells her they are going to Belize….is that what he said?  The Girlfriend agrees to go….what?!?!?  That’s nuts.  Can’t she tell this guy is a psychopath?  Can’t she tell something is very not right about him….who shows up like this and says I need to leave the country?  Psychopathic terrorists, that's who.  <sigh>  Everyone knows that.  And why the hell does he care about her going?  Then the Butcher gets on the phone with his super secret bad guy travel agent….he needs to get his passports and all that.

 

Agent Eye Candy and Jack are looking around the grocery store for clues.  Agent Larry calls.  He thinks Eye Candy has totally lost it….gone all “rogue” like Jack.  Larry talks about a police report he has from Mama Vossler….he’s questioning everything she’s doing now.  She’s totally got blood all over her phone and face….ewwwwwwww, that’s gross.  And Agent Larry is giving her hell.  Now Jack is asking if she’s ok.  He found an address on the PDAs lying around and they need to go.  Why’s Larry being so judgmental???  Does he realize they wouldn’t have gotten their foot out the door without Jack and his plans?  And everybody needs to stop giving Eye Candy a hard time…..in fact, stop talking to her altogether.  She has that same constipated look on her face all the time….so annoying.  I don’t want a Jack with a conscience!  That’s stupid.  I like Jack just the way he is…..give him a conscience, like Eye Candy….and he turns into a crybaby, like Eye Candy.  And that’s intolerable.

 

The Girlfriend heads back home to the meddling sister.  Awwww…I think she feels bad about abandoning her.  Cut over to Chloe and her husband!  Remember his name?  It’s Morris.  Morris the Alcoholic.  Morris was drilled in the shoulder last season and activated some nuclear bombs for some terrorists.  So he’s out of work, I’m pretty sure.  And that’s their kid!!  Oh that’s right, she was preggers before.  Is the kid Morris’?  I can’t remember.  Anyway, Chloe tells Morris that all she’s doing is running FBI ops.  The kid’s name is Prescott?  What an awful name.  So Morris says you know where to find me if you need any help…..I can totally see that coming….Morris gets to redeem himself.  Like everyone else on this show.  Tony.  Jack.  24 – Redemption. 

 

Larry is giving fake-Chloe busy work.  Larry tells her that Chloe is a consultant from Homeland, but I don’t think fake-Chloe is buying it.  Chloe tells him that he set up the network the wrong way….HAHAHAHAHAHA.  Agent Larry asks her about Jack and Chloe gets all defensive - Jack is the most trustworthy, honorable man I know.  Worry less about him and more about the mole in your office.  Yeah!  Tell him Chloe!.  Blondie recognizes Chloe.  She gives fake-Chloe the dirt on the real Chloe, that she’s been deactivated and she used to work at CTU.  Why is fake-Chloe acting so weird…. 

 

Travel agent has met up with the Butcher.  He’s going to the Cayman Islands then to Belize.  The Butcher makes sure the travel agent knows that if anything happens to him, incriminating evidence will be sent to the Justice Department.  So the travel agent calls someone.  Apparently they were planning on killing the Butcher.  So much for that idea.

 

The Sister wakes up and the Girlfriend tells her she’s leaving the country.  You get to come to!  To Belize!  For some reason, the Sister is not that happy about this.  Then Jack and Eye Candy barge in…..uh oh.  The Girlfriend claims not to know the Butcher, but the Sister rats her out.  Thanks Sis.  Now it’s time to break her heart, Jack.  She doesn’t know he’s such a bad guy.

 

At the hospital, the President shows up with an armed contingent.  The surgeon comes to talk to her.  Papa is going to be in surgery for five hours.  He tells her Papa’s chances aren’t good….oh boy.  At least she gets the chance to tell him he was right about everything.  They get like five seconds together and this may be the last time she has to see him.  That’s kind of sad.  The President tells Robobill someone needs to find my daughter and bring her here.  She has a daughter?  I think Tony has a new mission.  The daughter doesn’t speak to her mom, so someone else has to go.

 

Eye Candy is showing the Girlfriend nasty pictures of the Butcher butchering people.  She’s in tears and kind of hysterical but Jack says they need her help.  Where are you going to meet him?  Of course she doesn’t know and then the phone rings and now the Girlfriend is totally hyperventilating….my Hubby would know immediately that something was wrong if I sounded like this on the phone.  The Butcher thinks something is wrong too, but she says oh I was just fighting with my sister.  Jack tells Eye Candy we need to use the Girlfriend as bait but the Sister is having none of it.  No arguing.  The Girlfriend knows immediately that it’s the right thing to do.  Jack calls Chloe to track the cell phone and Chloe gets in another dig about how messed up the FBI’s network is…hehehehehehe. 

 

Fake-Chloe is starting to get suspicious of Agent Larry and all his sneaking around.  Especially now that she can’t override the system.  Now she’s acting suspicious.  Why is everyone acting so suspicious???  Am I just being paranoid???

 

So this must be the daughter.  This actress looks familiar, I think she was in a sci-fi show not too long ago.  Aaron!!  Aaron was a secret service agent a million years, he was in last season for about three seconds.  Anyway, he’s the one that shows up to pick up the daughter, not Tony.  Aaron tells her Papa has been shot and is in the hospital.  And that’s when she loses the attitude.  Seriously?  Of all the things to be a jerk about….you’re upset that Mommy is the President?  Wow….just grow up already.  Of course I say that knowing that if my mom was the President I’d want to beat my head into a wall…..but whatever…..moving on.

 

Fake-Chloe is talking to the Back-stabber.  She is asking for some kind of key….some kind of computer thing I don’t understand and now she starts blackmailing him about his cheatin’ ways to get this key thingy.  She tells him she thinks Agent Larry brought in Chloe to replace her….oh honey….please don’t thinks you can pull one over on Chloe.  And what a stupid excuse for extorting the key thingy from Back-stabber.  Now I totally don’t trust her.  Back-stabber calls her a bitch and she calls him one right back.  Girlfriend hugs the Sister…probably for the last time.  Sister tells Eye Candy to keep the Girlfriend safe…oh good, she needed more guilt.  Then just for good measure she starts arguing with Jack again.  He tells her innocent people get hurt sometimes.  That’s reality.  Yeah.  So Chloe has to direct them on how to follow the Girlfriend because the FBI’s network is such a piece of crap.

 

Fake-Chloe is in the death basement/server room of the FBI….where people go to die, bludgeoned on the back of the head by someone you would never expect, accessing some IT thing.  Hang on.  Is SHE the mole?!?!? 

 

Girlfriend is in the car on her way to the Butcher.  Chloe is telling Jack and Eye Candy where to go…what’s this?  Fake-Chloe is eavesdropping and then she pulls the plug.  OH NO….now Chloe can’t track anything!!!  Then the grid comes back up.  Chloe knows something is up.  Then the cops surround Jack and Eye Candy.  Somebody from the FBI called in a warrant…..probably Fake-Chloe.  She tells Back-stabber, very nonchalantly, that Chloe is doing some kind of covert operation but she’s not here to replace her.  Then Back-stabber calls someone…and we finally find out that he’s the guy.  He’s the mole.  I KNEW IT!!  I KNEW this guy couldn’t be trusted.  So now Back-stabber knows that if the Butcher doesn’t get away, he’ll get caught too.  Good.  I hope you do, jerk.

 

The Butcher gets a call from the travel agent who tells him the Girlfriend got turned by the FBI…he offers to get the driver to “take care of her” in that whole murder secret code that bad guys speak.  But the Butcher wants to "take care of her" himself.  DRAMA!!

 

Later gators,

Heather

 

 

“The rules are what make us better.”

 

Technology has failed me gentle reader.  I will never trust it again.  The DVR did not record this show like it was supposed to which forced me to watch it on the computer…..which is not something I particularly enjoy doing.  I mean seriously….the DVR was programmed to record…..and it didn’t.  Like it just decided arbitrarily to not record because it wasn’t feeling up to it that night.  A “series recording” means the DVR records all the shows….regardless.  I am annoyed that my TV has become so temperamental and even more annoyed because I pay a gross amount of money to use that DVR and expect that it can read my mind and I don’t know….work occasionally that way it is supposed to.  What is the world coming to when we stop trusting in technology to take care of us like this?  It’s anarchy.  Plain and simple.  It also reminds me of a time when I would have had to record this show on an VHS tape using my VCR…..thank God I don’t have to do that anymore because I hardly ever got that right…..I just hope this does not become a frequent occurrence.  I would rather poke my eyes out than have to worry about the DVR recording things it is supposed to record.  <pause>  Ok, ok.  That is a slight exaggeration.  But I just wanted to make sure I properly conveyed to you my level of frustration.  Now that you understand….let’s get on to the show.

 

It’s three o’ clock in 24 land.  If you remember from the last episode, Mutobo is on his way to meet the President in private to tell her about the conspiracy.  Papa Taylor has been kidnapped by the Butcher.  The Other Bad SS…whose name is Vossler or something like that brings Papa Taylor to the Butcher.  The President announces to the country in a press conference that everything is ok and now we’re attacking the fake country of Sangala.  And the Butcher is headed to his new super secret hideout in the back of a grocery store.  He tells Papa that he better hope his wife loves him enough to call of the invasion….hehehehehe….wow. 

 

The President finds out that Jack was helping….what huh?  She’s confused.  Come on lady, Jack has always been a good guy.  Mutobo says nothing is what it seems.  AHA!  That explains everything.  Now she gets to meet the Mod Squad.  Jack explains the conspiracy.  RoboBill tells her that everyone was working to get the Device.  Agent Eye Candy says, they’re telling you the truth…nice of her to finally back them up.  Then Jack says we have to get the Butcher without involving the FBI or Homeland Security.  Then the Butcher calls.  I’ve got your husband….Papa says don’t worry about me.  The Butcher says stop the invasion and give me Mutobo.  She says, oh no you wouldn’t….so he cuts off a finger.  That is so gross.  Fingers get cut off all the time on this show.  Now Kanin says, you have to stop the invasion…..hmmmmm…..I’m still not sure about him.  But then the President says I have to make sacrifices too…..wow….she has a heart of ice.  So Jack says, let me help you and she says, how do I know I can trust you?  And he says…..this is awesome…..Ask around.  HAHAHAHAHAHA.  LOVE IT!!  Of course she agrees.

 

Agent Eye Candy thinks she can get Agent Larry to help them.  Well….won’t this be a surprise.  What a shock to poor Larry.  Agent Eye Candy explains he has to keep quiet.  I think Larry might be a tad jealous….but of course he helps.  Agent Eye Candy says we need the Bad SS’ phone records.

 

Back at the FBI, Back-stabber is annoyed that he doesn’t know the whole story.  Blondie says, but what about us?  And now Back-stabber is acting all annoyed….and Fake-Chloe comes over and says you moron.  Stop being so obvious.  Hehehehehe….that’s more like the real Chloe. 

 

Larry meets Eye Candy and Jack….and he tries to hold himself together….kind of unsuccessfully.  Jack interrupts the beautiful reunion.  They find out about Vossler.  Jack says, does that guy have a family.  Jack says go get the family…the only way to get him to cooperate is to threaten the fam.  Eye Candy says…whoa….hold the phone….that’s crossing the line.  And Jack is like, wake up.  Nobody is following your rules.  So Eye Candy agrees.  Then Larry turns on Jack, she won’t end up like you! he says…..but Jack won’t hear any of it.  He’s on a mission.

 

Back at the super secret evil grocery hideout, Papa is bleeding to death.  The Butcher says just make sure he doesn’t bite his tongue off if he goes into shock.  Well then….how compassionate.  The Girlfriend calls and is like, hey you still coming over for dinner?  Sorry hon, too busy blackmailing the President right now, I’m gonna need a rain check.  The meddling sister of course thinks the Butcher is a putz…..because sisters have instincts like that. 

 

Kanin tries to convince the President that they can appear to meet the Butcher’s demands and turn over Mutobo for Papa…RoboBill is still in the White House trying to help and keep everyone calm with that awesomely apathetic way he has about him.  Larry says Vossler is on the Beltway.  Really?  On the beltway….near DC…..at around 3?  That guy should be sitting in traffic!  And Larry just won’t stop talking about Agent Eye Candy.  Dude….she’s over you….Jack is the new man in her life.  All the girls love bad boys.

 

Agent Eye Candy gets to Vossler’s house and pulls a gun on Mommy and the kid.  Wow….she has turned a corner hasn’t she?  I still don’t like her because she’s just too squeamish about it all.  Cut back over to Jack who is now trying to intercept Vossler on the ever-so-easy-to-navigate streets of DC….so he turns down a one-way street, going the wrong way, talking on a cell phone and manages not to kill himself in a car wreck.  Come on…..that is so totally unbelievable.  I mean, I believe the President’s husband could actually be kidnapped before I believe this driving stunt could actually happen!  So Jack smashes into the guy’s car, pulls him into an alley and starts screaming at him like only Jack Bauer can.  He gets Eye Candy on the phone and says, ok now….torture the baby.  Huh.  That is pretty cruel….but it’s not like she’s actually doing it.  Mommy is screaming….and of course Vossler gives in and tells Jack what he needs to know in like three seconds.  Then he tries to get away and Jack has to kill him….you know…..because Eye Candy didn’t feel bad enough already.  Mommy calls her a monster.  See?  Now you know how Jack feels pretty much all the time….THEN just in case you haven’t been pushed over the edge of suspending disbelief….Jack carjacks something nice and expensive.  Seriously?  This is the luckiest and unluckiest guy in the world….

 

At the White House, they have decided to stall the Butcher by delivering a double of Mutobo.  <shaking my head>  I guarantee you that won’t work out well.

 

Jack tells Eye Candy that Vossler is dead and now she feels really terrible.  Jack tells her to pull it together, they have the address for Papa.  She says, I don’t know if I can do this.  And he’s like, well then go home already and get out of my life.  Actually, he was nicer about it….but I am so annoyed at this woman.  Lose the conscience already, lady….we’re trying to save the country today.

 

Back-stabber gets a note from Blondie and is still pissed that he doesn’t know everything that is going on.  And Larry won’t talk to him.  Hehehehehe….that’s because you’re such a prick Back-stabber.  Then Larry finds out that Vossler is dead and he’s like, see!  Jack is poisoning you against me!  Which is not what he really said….but you know that’s what he meant….and Eye Candy is like, sorry Larry….I am mesmerized by Bauer and now must do everything he says without question.  Lots of hesitation, but without question.

 

So the Meddling Sister calls the Butcher and says leave my sister alone you big fat liar.  She had some guy at the INS look him up and knows he’s not here legally….oh wow….if you only knew.  She says, break up with my sister and I won’t say anything.  Hehehehehehehe…hell hath no fury like a protective sister.

 

So the fake Mutobo gets to the power plant (another power plant?) and they try to stall, but nobody is buying it.  So the President is like, get them out of there!  Retreat!  Retreat!  But too late…they blow the car up.

 

Jack and Eye Candy get to the grocery store to get Papa.  The Butcher finds out that they were double-crossed at the power plant and tells the guys at the super secret hideout to go ahead and kill Papa.  Someone in the hideout sees Eye Candy, of course…she’s not as lucky as Jack….and now they’re in a gun fight.  Everybody gets killed, but not before Papa gets shot in the chest.  Or stomach.  Or chest….I couldn’t really tell.  This poor guy…..he’s been paralyzed, thrown over a balcony, finger chopped off and now shot.

 

The episode ends with Jack screaming – get an ambulance!!  Oh my oh my.  What drama!

 

Later gators,

\Heather

 

I am so sick, it’s not even funny.  I won’t go into details, because I’m grossing myself out right now….but needless to say I am so high on Coma-quil right now, if any of this makes any sense at all….I will be stunned.

 

It’s 2 p.m. in 24-Land.  At the FBI, Back-stabbing Sean has found the truck the Mutobos were “adbucted” in (Aside – remember they weren’t really abducted, the Mod Squad talked them into being bait).  Just as miraculous as finding a very generic looking delivery van like a needle in a haystack, Fake-Chloe has managed to rifle through millions of lines of code and found the one little bit that has escaped the attention of the NSA and CIA.  She thinks this will help her locate where the Device is going to be used next.  Agent Larry says don’t waste any time with stupid stuff.  <chuckle>  Come on Larry, even I can see this plot is going nowhere if Fake-Chloe can’t pull a rabbit out of her hat.  So Back-stabber starts voicing all his doubts about Agent Larry’s capability…you know because he thinks the love of his life Agent Eye Candy is dead (Aside – but she’s not, she was saved by the Mod Squad before she suffocated after being buried alive)….and Fake-Chloe tells him to shut up and do his job.  Yeah Back-stabber, nobody cares what you think. 

 

Over at the White House Kanin is still trying to get the Bad SS on the phone because he needs Papa Taylor to convince the President to stop attacking the fake country of Sangala.  But the Bad SS is not answering his phone because Papa Taylor pushed him over the balcony and killed him before the Bad SS could kill Papa Taylor and frame him for the death of Roger’s girlfriend.  Cause remember, Roger found out about the people in the President’s administration that were investing in/betting on the President not attacking Sangala and we’re all pretty sure Kanin is in on that….but if he is…..why doesn’t he seem more chummy with the Bad SS?  Anyway, then Agent Larry calls the White House and gives them the update.  One other important note that I was wondering about – First Gentleman.  That’s what they’re calling him….first time I heard them refer to Papa Taylor as that.

 

So the Mutobos are on their way to the Butcher and the Mod Squad is tracking them with the tooth implant Chloe put on Mutobo.  Jack tells Agent Eye Candy he needs her help and honestly…if she had said no…..I probably would have thrown something at the television.  So inside the evil lair, the Mutobos are brought face to face with the Butcher.  He’s still talking about the attack on the chemical plant in Nowhere, Ohio.  Then the Butcher does the expected – tell Juma the names of your allies otherwise the Wifey gets it.  Blah blah blah.  Agent Eye Candy gets into the building, easily distracting the lame security with her brilliant Eye Candy ways.  Jack, Tony and RoboBill are on the roof.  Agent Eye Candy lets them in through a conveniently unlocked door on the third floor.  This seems waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too easy!!

 

Back at the FBI and Back-stabber is starting to really irritate me.  Now he thinks Fake-Chloe has no idea what she’s doing.  He doesn’t think she’s found anything.  But…oh….what’s this?  Helloooooooooooo, it’s a chemical plant in Ohio.  Jerkface.  Of course she was right.  So Fake-Chloe calls the plant and they tell her the safety valves stopped working and wow, they seem awfully calm about that….except when she informs them it’s a terrorist attack and all of the sudden everything stops working and the pressure starts rising and even this nuclear physics-challenged observer knows that when they say ‘the pressure is rising’ something bad is about to happen.  Get the President on the phone Jerkface.  Fake-Chloe doesn’t gloat about being right nearly as much as she probably should….or as much as I would rather…..

 

And here’s yet another pointless diversion to the White House where they’re all updated on the imminent disaster.  Tons of people are about to die.  You can’t do anything except look really really concerned.

 

Chloe tells Jack about the chemical plant.  You need to hurry.  And Jack is like….come on…..I’m doing the best I can.

 

So the anonymous collateral damage for this episode is apparently the plant manager.  He has to manually release the gas, which of course means he is probably going to die.  Fake-Chloe does a good job sounding seriously panicky about the whole thing….like at least she’s not pretending she has this conversation every other day.

 

Then the Butcher sees the Mod Squad on the surveillance cameras.  Oh come ON.  They were so lucky up till that point….so, get this.  He says, stop the attack.  We have to get out of here now.  NOW?!?!  Dude.  This is insane.  The firewall is no longer breached.  Nobody knows what the hell is going on.  And poor Anonymous Plant Manager has apparently died for nothing.

 

The Mod Squad attacks the evil lair.  The Butcher runs away.  The Device gets destroyed.  And They WIN!!  Show’s over.

 

 

……[long pause]……

 

 

 

Hang on.

 

 

 

 

That’s not the end.

 

 

 

Now what?

 

Back at the FBI and Fake-Chloe is trying to save the dying Plant Manager.  Agent Eye Candy has the Mutobos in the van with Chloe.  Jack, Tony and RoboBill are still looking for the Butcher .  Then the Butcher blows up Dr. Phlox for no real good reason except to help him escape.  Now Jack and Company have to get out of there before the police show up and arrest them all….even though they just saved the planet.  But whatever.  It’s a thankless job….being a superhero.

 

Agent Larry is very perplexed by the whole thing.  He was really looking forward to that attack, I guess.  Back-stabber gets all passive with him about Renee…and wow, why doesn’t someone just punch that guy in the head.  Poor Agent Larry is so upset about Eye Candy.  Fake-Chloe wants to send her condolences to the dead Anonymous Plant Manager’s family and Back-stabber is like, hold off on the flowers, we have work to do.  Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww….I really haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate this guy.

 

Nobody at the White House seems overly relieved that the attack didn’t pan out the way everybody expected either.  Personally…I would have been a little….I don’t know…..happy about it.  Kanin still can’t get the Bad dead SS on the phone, ...you know.....because he's dead.....so he decides to tell the President about Papa Taylor and his “wild goose chase” about Roger’s death not being a suicide.  Except of course it’s not a wild goose chase….but who the hell is going to believe that guy.  So on top of the pretty awful day she is already having, the President now learns that her husband is missing.

 

Cut to Papa Taylor who has just woken up in an apartment with two dead people.  Nobody is ever going to believe you buddy.  I’d get the hell out of there.  The Other Bad SS comes in and almost kills Papa Taylor.  And then….just to mix things up….the Butcher calls.  Bring Papa Taylor to me, he says.  Now…that’s how you negotiate.

 

The Mutobos are with the Mod Squad at their super-secret hideout.  They still need to find the Butcher so they can prove their conspiracy theory.  Jack points out that they need more help.  Chloe agrees with him.  But RoboBill and Tony don’t think they can trust anyone in the government.  Mutobo offers to talk to the President himself and get her help.  So, RoboBill says ok.

 

Mutobo surprises the s**t out of the President and calls her on the phone.  He says, I must speak to you alone.  That sounds fishy to me, and I already know what is going on.  So anyway, the President turns right around and tells Kanin….who I’m still unsure about.  But leaning more toward him being not so trustworthy…..

 

Tony says he is not going to the White House with Jack and the Mutobos.  He knows he’ll be arrested.  And Jack is like, well I’ll allow that if you face up to the consequences of your actions when this is all over.  Wow….just a little bit hypocritical there Jackster.  Mr. Walkabout for a few years avoiding a federal subpoena.  So, instead of saying something very sarcastic (which is what I would have done) Tony just says ok…with that eternal smirky concerned look on his face.  I, personally, don’t think Tony will turn himself in.  I think he’ll go on walkabout too when this is all over.

 

The shows ends with the Butcher at his apartment….and then his girlfriend stops by.  Like he’s a normal person and not a genocidal maniac.  Wow….I bet match.com doesn’t profile for that…..huh?

 

Later gators,

Heather

 

 

The following takes place between 1 and 2 pm.  I checked this time.

 

So Agent Larry is ordering FBI people to the embassy.  He says we have to find Tony and Jack.  And Agent Eye Candy.  Back-stabbing Sean says sorry about Renee, and Larry goes nuts.  We don’t know she’s dead yet!!  Awwww….Agent Larry looooooooooooves her.

 

The Mod Squad digs up Agent Eye Candy and shoots her full of adrenaline.  Of course that works.  They can bring anybody back to life on this show.  Now she has to be in on the plan.

 

Team Terror is on their way to the rendezvous point.  Jack asks David, how did you get Tony out of CTU?  Apparently the guy who ‘killed’ Tony was in on it.  Purposefully missed the artery, so he could recruit him.  Wow, that seems a little far-fetched, doesn’t it?   The rules have changed and there is nothing such as honor left.  We would have to take of each other, like brothers.  After the whole explanation Tony seems like he’s having second thoughts about David.  Team Terror shows up at some air strip.  David grabs Jack.  He knows something is up.  Tony kills the other guy.  Jack says take the shot.  Everybody is yelling.  Tony shoots David in the shoulder and then in the neck.  He’s dead.  Uh oh.  This can’t be good.

 

RoboBill explains everything to Agent Eye Candy.  She says I have to call the FBI and RoboBill says, no go.  We’re nearing the endgame.  Until we get the device, you have to stay dead.  Jack calls and says David is wounded.  Wounded??  Doesn’t anyone die on this show anymore?  Jack has to get Mutobo on board with the plan because they can’t stop the Butcher without him.

 

The Butcher tells the Other Bad Guy to kill Tony and the others once he has Mutobo.  WH has not withdrawn the troops.  The Butcher thinks the President will only agree when Americans are dead.  The Butcher says target DC.

 

At the WH – NSA called thinking the Device has been initiated.  She knows that the Butcher is getting ready for another attack.  Kanin thinks they should prevent the attack.  He thinks if they begin an immediate pullout of the troops, he may stop.  Same old argument.  He is definitely one of the bad guys.  He thinks they’re out of options, the President doesn’t.  Get rid of that guy already….he doesn’t agree with anything you say. 

 

Tony is trying to explain to David why he shot him.  David tells him to go to hell.  Then he dies.  The Wifey wants Mutobo to listen because Jack has no reason to lie.  Jack says we need both of you.  The Wifey is leverage.  Mutobo says you can’t promise me she won’t be harmed.  And he says no.  Time for Wifey to persuade Mutobo.  She feels guilty about opening the safe room.  She says I want to be by your side. Awwwwwwwwww…let’s get tortured together.  How romantic!   Wifeys always get their way.  So they agree to help Jack.  He tells them they’re being brave.  They know, Jack.  You don’t have to tell them that.  Jack tells Tony they have to go but he’s upset about David being dead.  Hmmmm….he’s a loose cannon, I think. 

 

The Butcher has put two planes on an intercept course.  The he calls the White House.  He tells the President to go to the window and see what she has done.  The planes collide.  And my stomach sank……ugh…….I don’t like this plane crash stuff.  He says comply with my demands or more Americans will die.  Oh boy.  This changes everything, right?  So, the President wants to meet with the Cabinet.  Everyone is telling her they have to withdraw the troops to prevent more casualties.  They say without Mutobo, the entire operation is pointless.  The President says if there is still a chance Mutobo can be recovered, I won’t do it.  Man, she’s stubborn.  Joe says, you’re guaranteeing another attack.  Joe says they’ll call for your resignation.  The President tells him to sit down or leave.  So he leaves.  The President says if anyone else wants to go, you should.  Then she explains why she’s doing what she’s doing.  Lots of American patriotic hoopla.  She says we’re in for some tough times, let’s make sure we’re ready.  Tough times?  Wow….queen of the understatements.  It’s ok to cry Madam President.  I would be bawling my eyes out in total hysteria at this point.  Probably why I’ll never be President. 

 

RoboBill shows up at the air strip.   With Chloe and Eye Candy.  Jack tells Chloe to put a wire on Mutobo.  Jack asks Eye Candy if she’s ok?  And she’s still being bitchy.  I hate this woman, why didn’t they just let her die already.  Jack says, listen hon, we did what we had to do.  Chloe is putting a transmitter on Mutobo’s teeth.  He asks her if she’s FBI and she says no, I’m a stay at home mom.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Seriously, get rid of Eye Candy, we want more Chloe.  RoboBill tells Jack about the plane crash.  Why’s Jack being so nice to Eye Candy?  How about a ‘thanks for saving my life, Jack’?  How about that?  Instead she says, you really think you can stop this?  And he says, we have to.    

 

Back at the WH, Tim and Kanin agree they have to change the President’s mind.  Who better to do it than her Hubby.  Hahahahahaha, silly men.  It doesn’t work that way!  Wifeys can manipulate the Hubbys but not the other way around.  Tsk. 

 

Back at the Girlfriend’s apartment, Paralyzed Papa Taylor is still waiting to die.  The Girlfriend shows up.  Papa can’t warn her because he’s paralyzed!!  Come on sweetie, he’s obviously not ok.  The Bad SS stabs her in the back.  Then Kanin calls looking for Papa Taylor.  Kanin is yelling at him and says bring Papa back to the White House.  But that’s not going to happen….what a horrible way to die.  But it looks like the paralytic is wearing off….well….of course it is.

 

The Mutobos are ready.  The Other Bad Guy shows up to get them and asks, where’s David?  Tony says, he’s dead.  Everybody is dead.  He says, I decided I’d rather not split the cut.  Tony says, pay up before you get the Mutobos.  Careful Tony!  They’re going to kill you.  No…no wait……Jack is in the rafters covering him.  Tony says, let’s forget you just tried to kill me.  You got what you want, now get the hell outta here….<long pause> …..oh come on….anyone would know something is up with that. 

 

Back at the Apartment and the Bad SS is going to hang Papa Taylor.  Papa says, don’t do this.  Um….he’s talking, hellooooooooooooooooo…….shouldn’t that be a clue that something is not working.  Then Papa and he both go off the balcony.  And Papa kills him.  Oh boy.  How are you going to explain that?

 

The Butcher is calling someone else now….did that sound like Kanin?  Their next target is some town, I didn’t catch the name.  And that’s the end.

 

Gotta go de-ice the car….and my sidewalk……and my house……

Later gators,

Heather

First of all….let’s talk about this ridiculously cold weather…..and how much I hate wind.  Seriously….it’s like minus 300 outside….and on top of that….it’s WINDY?!?!?!  That’s just insane.  This is Maryland.  Home of the historically mild winters.  My Car told me it was 9° the other day when I was driving to work.  I thought the Car was lying.  Come on….9?  I am always cold now.  I feel like I will never be warm again.  And it’s only January.  It’s not like winter is going to be over any time soon.  This will laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaast.  And I will be cooooooooooooooooooooold.  Forever. 

 

Ok, now that I have reminded you of how completely miserable it is outside, let’s move on to 24.  We’re in the middle of the day now….can’t really keep track.  Agent Larry knows that Mutobo and his wife are in the safe room at the embassy.  The SWAT team is telling him that it will be easier to bring Jack and Tony back if they could kill them first….and Agent Larry says, oh no.  They need Tony alive because they still think he’s a traitor and can get them the Device.  Remember he’s not a traitor though.  He’s like Super Undercover Man.  And now Jack is too. 

 

Back over at the Embassy, David is beating up the secret service guy.  For no real reason because he can’t open the safe room…..you know…..because it’s a SAFE ROOM.  And Jack is still trying to figure out a way to get in the room.  I’m surprised Chloe hasn’t devised a way to hack into the safe room and magically open the door with her Super Hacker Skills.

 

Go back to the FBI and Blondie tells Agent Larry that Super Sniper’s lawyers are filing a complaint against Agent Eye Candy.  You know….because she tried to kill him.  Larry calls Renee and is like, what the hell?  He orders her to come back to the FBI so the AG can interrogate her.  She says, oh no, I’m going to pretend to be Jack Bauer and go all rogue agent on you now at a most inconvenient time.  Back-stabbing Sean is talking to his wife whose plane just landed because Back-stabbing Sean impersonated Larry and gave a fraudulent order to the airport.  But he doesn’t tell her that, he tells her she’s lucky.  Then she says, well nevermind whatever global crisis you’re dealing with, let’s go out.  Back-stabbing Sean says no.  What a creepy guy.

 

Now go back to the Embassy and Mutobo explains to the mentally challenged Wifey that the Butcher wants him to name his allies back in Sangala.  It takes her a while to figure out that the Butcher will obviously be using her to get Mutobo to talk.  Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh.  She’s scared and Mutobo tells her to just relax.  Team Terror gets the intercom working and David tells Mutobo to open it or they’re going to kill his secret service guy.  The SS says he’s ready to die and Mutobo is like, well good….cause there’s no way I’m coming out of here.  Then the guy’s phone starts ringing just in time.  Hmmmmmmm….it would have been more believable if they just went ahead and killed the guy.  The story must need him for later.  David sees it’s the FBI calling.  Let me ask you something…..would the FBI really show up like that on caller ID?  Would it just say, ‘FBI’?  Or would it say Anonymous or Unavailable or Don’t Ask.  Anyway, David immediately knows that the Super Sniper talked and the Other Terrorist part of the team starts panicking.  Jack is like, no worries, it will take them at least 15 minutes to get here and that’s plenty of time for me to gas them out of the room using the ammonia and bleach in the kitchen.  Nice.  Kind of Macgyver….but it makes sense he would know how to do this.  So the gas starts billowing into the room.  Wifey says, I don’t want to die.  Well….who does, hon?  Mutobo is like, oh well…..not very Romeo and Juliet…..but this is 24.

 

Back at the FBI and it looks like Fake-Chloe is in trouble.  By the way….where the hell is the real Chloe?  And RoboBill?  We haven’t seen or heard from them once during this entire show?  Anyway, the AG wants to talk to Fake-Chloe about torturing the Super Sniper and she’s like, oh no I wasn’t in the room I’m not responsible for anything.  No good, Fake Chloe.  The AG isn’t buying it, but Agent Larry steps in and says she’s busy.  Back off.

 

Agent Eye Candy gets to the embassy before the SWAT team and decides to just walk right in…why bother waiting for back-up, right?  So Mutobo is dying and the Wifey is panicking….and she opens the door.  Saw that one coming from a mile away….what a baby.  So the Terrorists pack up everybody into a van and start to head out.  The Wifey is saying I’m sorry….<sigh>….it’s a little late for that.  And here’s Agent Eye Candy, acting like she can sneak around and get the plates off the van….<shaking my head>….only Jack Bauer is that lucky on this show sweetheart.  So the Other Terrorist grabs her and Jack spins out some story about how they have to find out what she knows before they kill her, just to keep her alive.  I wouldn’t have bothered.  I probably would have shot her myself.  So David calls the Evil Crime Boss and says the FBI Source needs to find out how much she got from Super Sniper.  Meanwhile….Agent Eye Candy is being real mean to Jack.  Tsk…tsk….you’re going to feel like a real ass when you realize he’s the Good Guy….

 

Finally we see something other than the FBI and the Embassy.  We’re back with Papa Taylor and his fishy Secret Service guy offers to get a “friend” to help decrypt the files that the Girlfriend gave him.  Hmmmm….this guy is so not trustworthy……and his name is Brian.  Is that the first time we hear his name?  Not sure….but it’s Brian.  Brians should not be secret service people….Brians are bad guys.  No way around it.  Cut over to the White House for the same boring argument between the President and Kanin about attacking or not attacking…..<sigh>…..just get on with it already.  Then they find out that Mutobo has been abducted, Jack and Tony did it, and the FBI is clueless.  So Kanin, who is clearly in on the corruption, says ok what about now?  No attack?  And the President is like….we still have thirty minutes.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA…..30 MINUTES!  Lady, you are nuts.

 

Let’s go back to the FBI and see what’s going on there.  Back-stabbing Sean says I’m sorry to Blondie and then we find out that he’s having an affair with her.  Well of course he is.  The FBI knows that Agent Eye Candy was taken and that she doesn’t have a phone or a gun.  Stupid.  Just let her die!!  Fake-Chloe, just as impertinent as the real Chloe, asks Agent Larry if he’s going to be ok. 

 

Agent Eye Candy is still being all mean to Jack because she’s bitter about being caught.  The Evil Crime Boss tells David to kill her before they come back because she doesn’t know anything.  Who in the hell is this Source at the FBI?  Must be somebody high up to know what she knows?  Right?  Maybe it’s Larry.  I really wish they would kill Agent Eye Candy but I’m sure they won’t.

 

Back at the FBI, Agent Larry loves Agent Eye Candy and Fake Chloe knows this and explains to Back-stabbing Sean who loves Blondie…well maybe he doesn’t love her….but he’s having an affair with her but super intuitive Fake-Chloe doesn’t get that vibe from Back-stabbing Sean and Blondie.  So it’s a big soap opera, completely unrelated to the impending doom these terrorists will be shelling out.

 

Brian and Papa Taylor go the “Friend’s” apartment, which turns out to be the Girlfriend’s apartment and this was confusing for about 3 seconds.  Brian is of course a Bad Guy, which we kind of knew all along.  He tells Papa he tried to protect Roger, but Roger was stubborn too.  So he poisons Papa’s coffee.  Well, I guess it wasn’t poison because Papa is only Paralyzed.  Brian says, Roger died quickly and so will you.  Just not right now.  He calls the Other Bad Guy to get the Girlfriend.  They are going to set it up like Papa killed her and then killed himself.  And they leave Paralyzed Papa alive so he can eventually get away later…..(don’t pretend like I haven’t seen this show before)….the Gullible Girlfriend of course believes the Other Bad Guy and is on her way back to the apartment.

 

Back-stabbing Sean is being really nosy and Fake-Chloe just blabs out everything about the AG and Agent Eye Candy and how she helped distract the lawyers at the hospital and he’s like, wow you’re dumb.  And she’s like, shut up.  The AG fights with Agent Larry about interrogating Fake-Chloe since Agent Eye Candy is missing and probably dead.  Poor Larry, he’s very upset about Eye Candy most likely being dead.  He hears the message from David to the Evil Crime Boss that the NSA intercepted and knows she’s pretty much a goner.

 

Back with Team Terror in the van.  They’re pulling into the Dead Body Dump and Eye Candy’s time is almost up.  David tells Jack to go ahead and kill her.  Well….obviously it had to be Jack….since he’s the only one that WON’T kill her.  Damnit.  So he pretends to shoot her in the head by shooting her in the neck after he listens to her say all kind of nasty things to him and then he finally whispers, let me get you out of this…or something like.  I wasn’t really listening because I was too annoyed about the fact that she is obviously going to survive.  But then David says, ok now bury her.  Jack says, there’s no time.  And David is like, there’s always time to bury bodies…..that’s awful, she’s going to be buried alive.  She has a plastic sheet over her….so there is still the slim possibility that she can survive this so that pretty much guarantees that she will.  Oh well….

 

Here’s what I need to know – who’s the source at the FBI, why is the President so boring, and why weren’t Chloe and RoboBill in this episode.  Guess I’ll have to wait till next week.

 

Later gators,

Heather

"When do the rules of engagement end and the crimes begin?"

 

We're on to 10 a.m.  The White House is getting briefed on the situation.  Tony is being taken to FBI headquarters, he was working for the Juma regime.  The Colonel is apparently called the 'Butcher of Sangala'.  Ewwwwwww.  So the Butcher gives the threat message to the President.  Pull your troops out of Sangala or we'll be using the computer whatchamacallit to terrorize your country. (Aside - he knew the name of it).  Here is the point in the show, and my life, that I learned you cannot rebuild a firewall quickly.  That's one of those pieces of information that will needlessly take up space in my brain.  Awesome.  So anyway, the relevant point here was that the Butcher needs confirmation of the troop withdrawal by satellite photo in three hours.

 

Agent Larry has Tony in the helicopter, and everybody is headed back to the FBI.  Agent Larry wants to know why Agent Eye Candy went off on her own and she tells him about the Bad Agent.  Jack says to limit access to Tony.  Larry says keep me in the loop.  Fake-Chloe gets told about the security leak and she's responsible for finding it.  The other guy, Sean, looks skeptical of her explanation for the heightened security....it is skeptical or suspicious?

 

David is talking to the Butcher and explains that Tony is in FBI custody.  The Butcher says don't bother trying to get him out, just use someone else to do his job.  Uh oh Tony....sounds like they're hanging you out to dry.  Then Agent Larry finds out about Juma and the blackmail.  Jack says, I can get your device.  Let me talk to Tony.  You don't have any other options.  And of course he's right and of course Agent Larry reluctantly agrees because Jack is using jedi mind tricks to make these people bend to his will.  So Jack talks to Tony.  He asks about three questions before he's screaming in Tony's face.  And then Tony says, every second you are helping them you are spitting on Teri's grave (the first wife).  That made Jack mad and now he's choking Tony.  Tony whispers something to him before Jack is pulled off.  I didn't hear it, but then Jack makes a phone call.  Guess who answers the phone?  Just guess.  RoboBill!!!  Bringing back more old characters, I can hardly stand it.  RoboBill is in on this....what the hell is going on!  And then he steps back, wherever he is, and we see Chloe!!!  The real Chloe!!!  Holy hell.  CTU is gone....so who are they working for?  RoboBill tells Chloe or Jack or somebody (I am completely flustered) that they have to get Tony back undercover.....<long pause>.....WHAT!!!  Undercover!!!

 

Back at the White House and Kanin (the Chief of Staff or whatever he is) is talking to the First Man, Papa Taylor.  He says you need to back off, Roger did commit suicide.  He was about to be investigated by the SEC for insider trading...because of knowledge he got from the President....that's why he committed suicide.  Ok, so now Papa is sad.  Apparently, the President knew all of this just didn't tell him.  Then the girlfriend calls and says, Roger was murdered.  Meet me somewhere alone.  Yeah....we knew he was murdered honey.  No suprise there.  So the President is talking to him now about her impossible choice.  Impossible?  Americans versus Sangalans?  How is that impossible?  Save the Americans, of course.  Sangala isn't even a real country....

 

So back to RoboBill and this amazing turn of events.  Tony is in deep cover.  He was supposed to be near the computer thing at all times.  Ohhhhhh....they're calling it the Device, so I will too.  RoboBill tells Jack that people in the government are in on this conspiracy, so they have no shepherd, no agency covering them.  RoboBill and Chloe are on their own.  AWESOME!  Chloe says, I can't believe the way they were talking to you on CSPAN...but you looked good.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Oh, I missed her.  So it's some kind of rogue mission.  Coolest thing ever.  They are the Mod Squad. 

 

At the FBI, Sean is acting really fishy.  Fake-Chloe says he looks confused....but she really means dumb.  Larry is trying to interrogate Tony, but dude, you are soooooooooooooo out of your league.  Agent Eye Candy says, listen, you're getting nowhere.  Why don't we torture him?  Hahahahahahaha...Jack is having a bad influence on her.  But it makes sense to me.  Agent Larry is disgusted and says get Bauer out of this building immediately before you fall even more head over heals in love with him.  What a loser.  So Fake Chloe thinks she found the leak, but she needs to go down to the server room to get the userID.  Oh NO!!!  Don't go down there!!!  People DIE in the server room all the time!!  She finds out it's Sean (obviously) and then he magically mysteriously shows up.  She doesn't even try to act nonchalant, she just says What the f**k?  Well....that's not actually what she said, but you get the idea.  Sean comes up with some lie about his wife on a plane and he was checking on her and of course Fake-Chloe believes him, not realizing how close she just came to getting whacked.  He's so lying to you.  Agent Eye Candy tries to debrief Jack, but he puts her in a sleeper hold and knocks her out.  Woooooohoooooo!  This is getting FUN!  Jack goes to get Tony, who is still being interrogated by Agent Larry.  Jack ends up punching him in the face.  YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.  Hate that guy.  Chloe is leading them out by surveilling the surveillance cameras that she just happened to be able to hack into.  RoboBill is going to pick them up.  No problem.  Then Fake-Chloe realizes someone is hacking in to the system.....so she and Back-stabbing Sean try to get Chloe out of the system.  Then Fake-Chloe sees the bodies lying all over the building after she looks at the surveillance feeds.  She calls security.  Alarms go off.  And now Jack and Tony are in trouble.  Fake-Chloe knocks the real Chloe out of the system, and now she's blind.  So Jack and Tony start towards the exit.  Fake Chloe finds them and security is on the way.  Then the real Chloe gets the cameras back up and warns them.  So Jack breaks a window and they're on the roof of the parking garage.  There's a shootout in the garage.  Tony gets out while Jack fires cover.  Then Jack hotwires a car and runs right over the ledge of the parking garage.  RoboBill shows up just in time and they get away.  Jack wants to know what the hell is going on.  You just escaped the FBI in the most kick ass way, Jack.  That is what the hell is going on.

 

So Chloe is jamming FBI servers so they can't use DOT cameras to track RoboBill's van.  The Super Sniper is still unconscious.  And the White House is so pissed.  Catching Tony and Jack is your only priority, you screw-up.  Hahahahahaha...poor Agent Larry.  The President realizes that the FBI is useless, that she is running out of options and time.....but hey, a lot can happen in one hour.

 

RoboBill takes Jack and Tony to the Secret Lair.  Tony explains he was dead for ten minutes.  <long pause>  So he's kind of brain damaged.  Or he's a ghost.  Or he's a zombie.  TEN MINUTES!!  That's ridiculous.  This David person revived him....yeah with some kind of mutant virus developed by the Umbrella Corporation.  What a freak.  So Tony fit the profile (brain dead zombie) for David's new task force of bad guys and he was apparently really working for him for about three years.  And super self-righteous Jack is of course disgusted by this....then Tony realized what the Device was for but that there was too much corruption in the government to believe it would be pursued, so Tony goes back undercover with the IT mensa genius Chloe at his side and RoboBill leading the way.  Jack wants to help and says, who else is working with you.  Blank stares.  It's just them.  Great, the odds look wonderful.  Do you have proof?  Hmmmmmm....a little.....but you're gonna have to trust us.  Jack says, let me think about it.  Just kidding!!!  Tony calls David and tells him that Jack busted him out of the FBI and wants to join their little gang.  David says, come on down.  He might have actually bought it....

 

Back-stabbing Sean gets a call from his wife....who IS on a plane (crap, that wasn't a lie) and tells her not to worry and call him when she lands.  Then we meet Erica, the Blonde Agent...who had nothing important to contribute to the scene.  Fake-Chloe is going with Agent Eye Candy to interrogate the Super Sniper before his lawyers get there.  Then Back-stabbing Sean is pretending to be Agent Larry to get his wife's plane landed earlier.  Wow.  That is super illegal and you bet your ass my husband better do the exact same thing if we're ever in that situation.....

 

Tony and Jack get to David's Evil Bad Guy Hideout.  Tony says, David is about money and loyalty.  But David wants to talk to Tony alone, sends Jack to the basement.  He doesn't want Jack in on the operation, he's not worth the risk.  Poor Chloe says, I think they're going to kill him.  And RoboBill is like.....yeah.....I knew that might happen.....oh well.  So before they can kill him, Jack beats up some of the bad guys holding him and because he is so impressed, David kills the guys Jack beat up.  Good job!  You're in!!

 

Cut back for more White House filler.  As usual....this is like the break in the show so you can catch your breath after all the Jack-action.  PM Mutobo is pleading with the President for help.  The President finds out Kanin kept some info from her that might make her go ahead with plans to attack Juma....hmmm....sounds like he's pulling your strings, lady.

 

So David is talking to Jack now and wants to know what he was looking for while he was travelling around the world.  And why the hell did you come back?  Why'd you turn yourself in?  Hmmmmm....good question.  Make it good, Jack.  Jack says, I wanted to come clean, to set the record straight.  David empathizes.  Then Tony says, don't underestimate him Jack.  So the new operation, the last operation, is to abduct PM Mutobo and bring him to the Butcher.  Poor Chloe says, oh, we have to stop this, we can't let that man be tortured.  And RoboBill is like.....yeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaah we can.  We have to get to the bottom of this.  Big picture, Chloe, BIIIIIIIIIIG PICTURE.

 

So Papa Taylor meets the girlfriend.  His Secret Service guy is around, but can't be seen.  She tells him that Roger was an auditor (well....s**t) looking for kickbacks but he found something else.  He found massive amounts of trading in Sangala and accounts belonging to a senior member of the President's administration.  That's right, he did.  Because auditors are freakin' amazing people.  Apparently the investments were betting against the President succeeding in a campaign against Juma.  So someone is trying to sabotage her efforts....but we knew that.  Then we see the SS spying on the whole transaction...I don't trust that guy either now.

 

Agent Eye Candy and Fake-Chloe are at the hospital interrogating the Super Sniper.  Where's the Device?  Where's Tony?  He doesn't say anything, so she gets ugly and tries to be Jack.  Which freaks out Fake-Chloe and Eye Candy is like....you gotta help me....forget your morals and ethics....I've seen Jack get away with this for years.  So Fake Chloe is in charge of stalling the lawyers while Eye Candy cuts off the guy's air supply.  It's harder than it looks, isn't it?  She got some kind of info but doesn't say anything as they rush out of the hospital.  She calls Agent Larry and tells him about the plot to abduct PM Mutobo.  She says we can intersect Tony and Jack before they get there.  The FBI calls the Embassy where Mutobo is, but it's too late.  Jack, Tony and David show up and shoot up everything.  But they don't get to Mutobo before he locks himself in a safe room.  No way in.  But everything depends on getting this guy out of the room.....I'm sure they'll think of something....

 

Later gators,

Heather

 

"You have no idea what I do."

 

Now it's time for the real show.  No more mini-movie/teaser/remember-this-show-cause-it-hasn't-been-on-in-a-million-years stuff.  Just good old fashioned 24.  The worst day in the life of one Jack Bauer.  I'm glad it's finally starting.  I have high expectations this season, especially after the last season.  We'll see.  Jack will be a welcome diversion to the 800 hours of football I have watched over the last two weeks.  Bowl Week is the Hubby's way of getting back at me for American Idol.  The BCS makes no sense to me now....which I guess means I have watched enough college football to understand.

 

We're starting off the day at 8 a.m.  We're on the road with Dr. Phlox from Enterprise.  That's Star Trek for all of you who aren't sci-fi nerds.  Phlox is in a car crash and then he's abducted.  That woke me up immediately.  Now that my adrenaline is pumping and my blood pressure is too high, now let's take a look at Jack being interrogated by the Government about all his shady doings at CTU in the past.  He's representing himself.  Never a good idea, people.  Always get yourself a good lawyer.  Jack explains that he doesn't care if he's on trial.  The ends justify the means.  He regrets nothing.  Sure ya do, Jack.  You regret Audrey....don't try and pretend like you don't....and don't pretend like we've never seen this show before.  Then the FBI walks into the hearing and says, sorry.  We need him.  National emergency, or some such.  Jack has to be back in court in the morning.  Remember that....when this season is over, he'll be heading back to court to stand trial.

 

Phlox is apparently some IT genius in this show.  He developed firewalls for Homeland Security.  I know nothing about computers....you're lucky I managed to figure out this blog site....so don't expect me to get the lingo right.  Here's where we meet Janeane Garafalo, though.  Seems like a Chloe character to me.  I like her though...I hope she survives the show.  Back to Phlox and he's been beaten up pretty bad.  The people who kidnapped him have him doing some computer mumbo jumbo.  The Bad Guys have the airlines on line.  <pause>  Really?  Airplanes?  I guess seven years is long enough for airplane terrorism not to be taboo anymore...but it still makes me queasy. 

 

So the FBI want Jack's help.  Not because they think he's better than they are (which he is) but because he knows the Bad Guy behind everything.  It's Tony.  Back from the dead.  He didn't really die.  You didn't see him actually die, Jack.  We dug up his grave and everything.  This feels kind of soap opera to me...but I'll go with it.  I like it when they bring old characters back.  Even dead ones.

 

Twenty minutes in and we're at the White House.  The President's talking about the genocide going on in the fake country of Sangala.  They may as well have called it Darfur.  Taylor is meeting with the Joint Chiefs to discuss the battle plan there.  If she looks familiar to you, you've probably seen the movie Ocean's Twelve.  She was Matt Damon's mom.  So anyway, in about three minutes we learn that her husband is a wreck because their son killed himself.  Roger killed himself?  No chance.  I'm guessing he was whacked.  The Secretary of State...or Defense....I didn't hear which one, doesn't agree with the President's plan to stop the genocide.  Hmmmmm....sounds backwards doesn't it.  After she tells him to shove it, she gets an update on Phlox and the FAA.  The First Man (is that what we'd call him?), who has been in a thousand different sci-fi shows and movies. is talking to some reporter when he gets a call from a private dick about his son's alleged suicide.  Apparently the girlfriend got some money a couple days after the kid died.

 

Ok, so Jack of course agrees to help the FBI.  I can't believe Tony is the one who cracked...I was so sure it would be Jack, gone all crazy on us.....Fake-Chloe (Janeane) is getting all panicky about the possibilities of the world collapsing if the terrorists get their way....<shaking my head>.....can't really be worrying about that, now can you?  Jack gets into the head FBI guy's face and that was cool.  He had that 'I can kill you if I blink too fast' look on his face.  That's right, sucker.  Agent Eye Candy convinces him that Jack should go with her...well, naturally....how else is he going to get in the middle of the action.  They are on their way to find some old associate that Jack and Tony used for info in the past.  It's Scar guy....this real guy has a cool story if you've never heard it.  The scar is from a mugging.  He almost died.  Acting was a suggestion from a friend after his recovery.  He worked for three years in some tiny middle-of-nowhere theater before Mel Gibson found him.  I don't think the guy has stopped working since.  Anyway, on their way to see Scar, Jack tries to convince Agent Eye Candy that Tony is still a good guy.

 

So they try to get Scar to talk the nice way, and then the guy lawyers up after denying that Tony is even alive.  Jack starts his screaming thing and Agent Eye Candy says, do what you have to do.  Hmmm...not a good idea, hon.  Jack might yank the guy's fingers off with a cigar cutter....he has been known to do that.  But the guy is a big scaredy cat and is just about to talk and tell them everything they need to know when he is most inconveniently shot by a sniper from like a million miles away.  Seriously....that guy was on the roof of another building.  Then Tony calls.  He tells Jack to get away from this, there is nothing you can do.  Don't taunt him like that Tony!  You'll only make it worse for yourself!

 

Back to air traffic control and Tony is talking to a plane, telling it to change course.  That just gives me the eebie geebies....seriously.  And that's the end of the first hour.

 

So Jack tells Agent Eye Candy that the FBI must have a bad agent.  Someone knew about this and tipped off the bad guys.  He is so friggin paranoid!  I don't know...is it paranoia if you're right?  Maybe not.  Back at air traffic control and Tony has two planes on an intersect course.  They ALMOST crash when Tony tells one of them to pull up.  This was a test...just to scare the crap out of you.  That sucked.  It really did.  I don't like the planes being involved....not at all.

 

Time for a new character.  He shows up at some docks, which apparently is where the Evil Hide Out is....Tony calls him David.  Three years they've been doing this and now they're on the last job.  Has it been three years since Tony died?  Not sure about that....they cut back to the White House, but nothing really interesting is happening there....so fill in the blanks yourself if you didn't watch it.

 

Back at Scar's building and they're still trying to find the Super Sniper.  The agent baby-sitting Jack says, you don't deserve to be treated this way.  No s**t.  Thank you SOMEBODY for saying this....cause you know there are people like this in our world.  People who do evil awful things that keep us safe.  People who don't get medals or maybe even tombstones when they die....I don't want to know them or what they're doing, but thank you.  Stay on the wall.  Let me sleep at night.  While they're searching for the Super Sniper, we find out that Agent Leonard is the Bad Agent.  He lets Super Sniper go and gives him an FBI jacket so he can slip out of the building.  But Jack conveniently sees the guy's shoes and immediately identifies him as a Bad Guy.  So lucky for the FBI that he is there....and lucky that guy wasn't wearing black shoes. 

 

Now we're back at the Evil Hide Out and we find out that Tony and David and the computer thingamajig is for General Juma, to blackmail the President into backing out of her plans to send troops into Sangala.  Nice.  That's a nice neat little package.  Now at least they tied in the mini-movie a little more.  Back at the FBI and Agent Larry obviously loves Agent Eye Candy and is annoyed that she is out cavorting around with the irrestible Jack Bauer.  Fake-Chloe tracks her down after several very Chloe-esque impertinent questions.  Agent Eye Candy is asking Jack how far he would have gone with Scar...really?  Do you really want to know that?  I don't think you do.  Jack says, back off lady.  I'll get the job done.  No questions.  Hahahahaha....

 

The First Man is questioning Roger's girlfriend about the money she got after his son's suicide.  She claims she was hiding money from the IRS for her aunt.  Yeah right....I've heard that one before....the old hiding money for your aunt line....ok.  Papa goes a little nuts and his security guy pulls him away.  I like that this is not really a second storyline...that would have gotten confusing. 

 

Back at the docks and Super Sniper has the specs for the last part of the Evil Bad Guy Plan, but Tony can't hear about it until Super Sniper gets there.  Agent Eye Candy gives Jack a gun because she has clearly been seduced by his Rambo charm.  Super Sniper hears something before he goes in to the boat, investigates and then gets walloped by Jack.  Jack beats the crap out of the guy....but he's the one you want!!  Then he shoots the camera.  Then he infiltrates the boat.  Kills everyone.  Ends up in a fist fight with Tony, which was actually pretty cool....then he has a Point Break moment when he can't actually shoot Tony because he loves him too much.  Then he beats him up some more....it's no use Tony....Jack is a killing machine.  The FBI helicopter shows up just after they would've been useful.  Now Agent Larry is on to Agent Eye Candy's lies.  And Jack asks Tony, what happened to you?

 

Yeah.  What happened to you Tony?  When did you turn to the dark side?  He looked like he'd been on a four day bender at the end of the show....right? 

 

So anyway, the Golden Globes were on last night too.  Kiefer was nominated for Redemption...which was kind of weird, I thought.  He lost to Giamatti though.  Now Jack Bauer is going to kill John Adams.  <chuckle>

 

More 24 tonight.  Two more hours!!  Holy cow.

Later gators,

Heather

“I don’t know yet is better than here.”

 

The mini-movie aired in December.  It makes more sense now that the season has started.  It was called “Redemption”.  According to Oxford, redemption is something that saves someone from error or evil.  Is this the season that Jack is finally saved?  I doubt it.  The writers of this show seem to wallow in the fact that he will never be saved.  He saves everyone, but himself.  It would be nice though, for a change…..

 

Events occur in real time.

 

It starts in Sangala.  That’s in Africa, you uneducated twerps.  Hahahahaha….just kidding.  It’s not really in Africa.  They made this up, so don’t try to sound smart by using that tidbit at a party.  Some group of awful men are “recruiting” killer kids for their army.  At one of their rallies, they make one of the kids kill some guy.  Oh…come on.  That’s so evil.  General Juma is the bad guy….I don’t know if this guy screaming is Juma….because crazy people do generally speak about themselves in third person….I guess we’ll find out soon enough.

 

Somebody is delivering a federal subpoena.  Cut to a different group of kids, normal kids not killer kids.  Not killers, but apparently one of them is thief.  He’s stealing stuff out of somebody’s backpack that we learn belongs to Jack.  Ahhhhh….Jack.  This is where you ended up?  So the subpoena is for him apparently but he’s not interested.  No silly subpoena is going to affect our Jack.  His friend, who runs the home for this group of kids, gets threatened by the Fed.  Hmmm…foul play.  We don’t really need a reason to hate the Fed; the guy looks like a jerk already with those glasses.

 

Jon Voigt is a bad guy too, offering the Colonel in Sangala some professional soldiers but he declines.  The killer kids are good enough.  Voigt is in some brokerage firm and he’s doing some dirty business.  Hiding money.  And then we meet the schlub who’s going to actual hide it.  Or erase it, rather.  I can already tell the schlub is expendable….after six seasons of this show I can spot them so easily.  He may not even survive the mini-movie.

 

Back in Africa, the Carl the Friend wants to talk to Jack.  He’s not going back.  Carl says you can’t keep running but Jack wants his freedom.  So now he’s going to leave Carl to make it better for everyone.  Now they hear that Juma is stealing kids in town.  The UN guy is unconvinced but they decide to go to town to get the kids back just in case.  In town…the kids are in trouble.  The killers show up to get them and the kids run but they don’t get far.  Willy’s brother Desmond is shot when he tries to get away. 

 

Hmmmm…new characters.  The schlub calls some guy named Roger for help because he thinks he’s in trouble.  Good call schlub.  Chris the schlub is a friend and Roger wants to help him.  Roger is apparently the new President’s son.  Cut to the President.  It is inauguration day.  The Weasel runs in to her and explains the Sangala problem.  The prime minister of Sangala wants help from the US.  Daniels, the old president meets with Taylor, the new president.  She wants to send troops, he thinks it’s a bad idea.  As expected they don’t get along.

 

Back in Sangala, Carl finds the dead boys in town.  Well, one is dead but Desmond has just been shot.  Willy wants to go with Jack, to go to America, but Jack of course says no.  Carl calls Jack and tells him what is going on and says get the boys to safety.  It takes all of three seconds for Jack to spring into action.  The boys get in some kind of bunker in the floor and Jack gets a gun.  The kid killers show up and Jack starts blowing them up.  Awesome, one guy against like 30 and it doesn’t seem very fair….to them.  Of course, they are firing rocket launchers at him.  Jack is killing them Rambo-style, knife in hand.  They end up catching him finally after he knocks off about 17 of them….I mean it does have to be somewhat realistic, right? 

 

The embassy in Sangala is evacuating people.  Carl calls for help, but none coming from the embassy and the jerky Fed.  Jack is being tortured….hehehehehehe….that’s a joke.  You can’t torture, Jack!  They burn his ear though….that was really unnecessary….especially the sizzling sound effect.  Jack sends the bad guys into the jungle so Carl can kill them.  When the bad guy is distracted, Jack strangles him with his knee….now, that’s just silly.  With his knee, hands tied up!!  Come on!!!  So, they’re taking the kids to the embassy.  Oh and thanks for getting tortured again, Jack.  You’re awesome.  Apparently, the torture has given Jack new priorities.  He wants to help Carl and the kids get into town.  Well of course he does.

 

Chris the schlub is now at Roger’s house.  He tells Roger about the brokerage firm and the erased files.  The account holder is on the terrorist watch list…..hmmm….you are in trouble schlub.  Chris wants to take it straight it to mum, the President.  He kept all the records, so he has evidence.  Chris is going to send the files to Roger.  What a dumb dumb. 

 

Juma shows up at the Colonel’s camp.  Jack apparently killed the Colonel’s brother….and so now it’s ON.  Carl, Jack and the kids can’t drive into town because now they are being hunted.

 

The old president is handing over everything to the new president.  The new president does weird things with her lips when she talks…it’s very distracting.  She thinks Daniels is acting strange about the whole Sangala thing….kind of early to be paranoid. 

 

The schlub is back at his apartment sending the files to Roger the President’s son.  But it’s never that easy on this show…is it?  Mysterious guys with guns show up…and now you’re in trouble.  And by trouble, I mean dead of course.  Roger is not telling the girlfriend anything.  Unfortunately it looks like Roger’s secret service agent is in on it….naturally.

 

Carl and Jack are walking through the Sangala jungle with the kids.  Jack tries to leave again….but it’s too late.  The bad guys are here, so Jack can’t leave yet.  Carl saves one of the kids from a land mine, but ends up stepping on one himself.  Oh.  This is not going to end well.  Stupid kid.  No time to disarm the mine…Carl tells Jack to go.  Again.  He gives Jack the sponsorship papers to get the kids out of Sangala.  Poor Carl.  Poor dead Carl.  He distracts the Colonel’s men and then….boom.  Jack does look upset when he hears the explosion.  Another friend dead, Jack. 

 

Jack gets the kids into the city, which only took like an hour and forty-five minutes of the show.  So close.  There are people in the city on the lookout, though.  And now everybody’s shooting at everybody.  Jack against them all….so unfair.  But then there’s a kid pointing a gun at him.  That is unfair.  I don’t think even Jack could shoot some kid in the head.  Jack talks him down to save us from that dilemma.  The kid runs away, which is probably a good thing because he didn’t have any papers for that kid.

 

Back at the inauguration and mom shows up to be inaugurated.  Jon Voight is in the crowd with Roger’s secret service agent.  They’re talking about Roger and whether he knows anything….things aren’t looking good for Roger now.

 

Jack gets to the embassy.  Here’s a hard choice for you Jack.  Surrender yourself so the kids can get saved.  That’s not really a choice though, is it?  This is redemption, people.  Jack’s redemption?  I don’t know.  Jack is Redemption in this episode.  He saves those kids from evil.  And now he’s off to be tried for torturing people.  I don’t see anyone saving Jack anytime soon.

 

The mini-movie ends with the President being sworn in.  <sigh>  Good luck, lady.

 

One little Soldier boy left all alone;

He went out and hanged himself and then there were none.

 

Later gators,

Heather