What a long strange trip it’s been…these past few months.  Season 8 started in January.  I know!  That was like a million years ago….I have watched every single episode of this show that has ever been aired.  And tonight is no exception.  The date is May 20, 2009.  “It’s starting!  It’s starting!” I scream hysterically at the Hubby as I run around in circles in front of the TV high off of too much sugar and caffeine.  The Hubby is rolling his eyes around so much I think he may do permanent damage to his vision.  He just keeps repeating under his breath, last show last show last show last show….he’s a glass half full kind of guy, if you hadn’t realized that from all my previous descriptions.  It all ends tonight.  It’s Dramadama or Kermit.  One of them will be your Idol.  Here’s Seacrest in his black suit and tie, hello friends he says like we’re buddies.  This gets a big snort out of the Hubby.  There are a lot of celebs in the audience tonight.  Ryan says you’re all lucky to be here….oh ho ho ho really?  Then he says we need to pay respect to the judges.  Ok.  Here’s Randy in his big red bowtie and they showed a montage of him saying “for me for you”.  Heeheehee….that was actually pretty funny.  Kara is wearing her hair up and a black strapless number.  Her montage was of her saying “sweetie” and “honey”.  Wow….she did say that a lot.  I just got so hung up on her saying arti-<clunk> zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.   Oh!  What happened!  I’m back….no worries.  Paula looks fabulous, as usual, in a gold strapless dress.  Her montage was about her big vocabulary.  I’m guessing she got one of those word-of-the-day calendars for Christmas last year and has been making good use of it this season.  And the Simon.  Black jacket and chest hair <shiver>….his montage was about his hearing problems.  He says “what” a lot….<chuckle>…..which is ironic.  Unless you know what irony means.  And now let’s ogle the kiddies, dressed all in white, like they’re about to do a rendition of Teen Angel.  Seacrest is talking to them about how nervous they are and their mics aren’t working…just to prove this is a live show.  Cut to Conway Arkansas where Mikalah Gordon is pumping up Kris’s hometown crowd.  You remember Mikalah, right?  The Fran Drescher look-alike.  And then cut over to San Diego where Carly Smithson is pumping up Adam’s hometown crowd.  She’s the Irish one with the bad tattoos.  Ahhhhhh, the benefits of being on this show……getting to be constantly reminded that you did not win by being asked to do retarded things like this. 

 

Now we get to hear the Idolettes singing their first performance of the night – So What.  The Hubby asked if we could fast forward through this….at which point I commandeered the remote.  I wanted to listen to the whole thing….and he just started mumbling along with the song, so what so what so what so what.  After the break, Cookie is there to perform his song ‘Permanent’.  Green spooky light is behind him, some piano in the background.  He’s wearing a vest, black arm band (which I assume is for his brother) and he’s sporting the scruffy goatee that looks so good on him.  It’s a very pretty, kind of a sad song.  When he’s done, he chats with Ryan about his brother briefly, puts on a brave face.  The proceeds from the iTunes sale of this song will go to a cancer research fund in his brother’s name….and his voice kind of cracked on that one.  Classy guy….

 

….and then I did a double-take and actually rewound the dvr.  That was Justin Guarini in the audience!  AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  And the Hubby goes, well it’s not like he has anything better to do.  Well said. my dear.  Well said.

 

Time for the worst part of the show – the ridiculous Golden Idol awards.  <sigh>  I guess it wouldn’t be Idol if they had no cheese involved.  The first award goes to “Outstanding Male”.  There were a few awful singers including Michael Grrrrrrrrrrrr (remember that guy!) nominated and the last nomination was for Norman Gentle.  HAHAHAHAHAHA.  Of course he won…and pretended like he wasn’t expecting it and didn’t prepare anything and then he rips off his jacket and there is the Norman Gentle costume, headband and all.  And he sings something horrible and walks out of the audience.  I’m sure that was supposed to be funny….but it kind of wasn’t.  Now back to the singing.  Lil Rounds is singing with Queen Latifah, ‘Cue the Rain’.  They both look fabulous and they harmonize really well together.  I guess that’s the perk of having a top ten that can actually sing….and not just a top two.  Then we’re right into the next song with Dolly and Anoop de Loop Loop singing with Jason Miraz ‘I’m Yours’.  Then all the Idolettes come out to sing….I kind of like this song.  It wasn't that bad.

 

Now we’re rehashing the Idol Journey of Kermit.  Remember he auditioned at Churchill Downs?  Ok, so he sings ‘Kiss A Girl’ with Keith Urban.  They were both playing the guitar.  After some really caustic comments about country music, the Hubby left the room.  So I can go gaga over them both.  It was kind of a flirty song for two guys to be singing together, but again they sounded great.  The next performance was with the girls singing ‘Glamorous’….and they bring out Fergie!  Man….she is sooooooooo pretty.  I wonder if my calves would look like that if I wore five inch heels?  Probably not….because I would be in a cast after I broke my ankles from trying.  Fergie sings Big Girls Don’t Cry….not really with the Idolettes, they were kind of there as back-up singers.  And then the Black Eyed Peas come out to sing a song.  Something about Boom Boom….but this was the only interesting part – Fergie has a line that ends with ‘swag it’…..and then she goes to sing the next line and <cut to American Idol emblem> Some dead air and the Hubby and I (yes he did come back in the room to gaga over Fergie) are just looking at each other….hmmmm….what rhymes with swag it?  And why would they sing that line?  ‘Let’s get it started’ wasn’t how that song originally went either….<chuckle>…..

 

Time for more ridiculous fake awards.  This one is for best attitude.  <sigh>  Bikini Girl wins it and this is when I realize they are obviously making up these awards to give them an excuse to bring back some fan favorites.  And trust me, by the drool the Hubby was wiping off himself, this disgusting little pig is a fan favorite.  Randy’s eyes are literally popping out of his head.  Seacrest says, well I was gonna ask what’s new but I think I know.  <pssssst – she has brand new boobs>  Good for you honey.  Boobs can get you lots of things.  Respect is highly overrated.  Don’t judge me people.  She is a gravity-defying twenty-something pin-up girl and yes I hate her.  Hate her with everything I am.  They ask her to sing….oh come ON.  No one wants to actually hear her sing…..but I look over at the Hubby and even he is too mesmerized to mute the TV.  <chuckle>  Ahhhhh….boys are so easy.  You really are.  But here’s where this charade actually got funny.  Kara comes out behind Piggy and starts singing the song.  Like a pro.  And Piggy has such a complex that she actually stops singing and gets this pissy little look on her face.  AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Stealing your spotlight!!  AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  And Kara can actually sing.  SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better than Piggy, proved very concretely on that last note.  But it’s not over yet – Kara rips open her dress to reveal her own bikini.  You GO GIRL!  Of course she looks amazing, but immediately feels self conscious next to Piggy.  Apparently the judges bet her she wouldn’t do that and since she did, she gets a big donation to her charity….whatever that is…..no one said.  Piggy is still annoyed that Kara is on the stage and is making faces.  Classy.  Don’t worry honey, you don’t need to be classy or talented to get places in this world.  The boobs will be enough.

 

Time for more singing.  Red is singing with Cyndi Lauper – ‘Time After Time’.  I love Cyndi Lauper and I love this song.  What is that instrument she’s playing?  A sitar?  I have no idea.  But of course it sounds great….they really have done a good job pairing up the kiddies with singers that work well with their voices….absolutely beautiful.  Speaking of which, time for Ironman to sing.  Awwwww…I wish he could have been in the finals.  No….no I don’t.  I like Kermit….but I like him too.  Awwwwwww…..so he’s singing with Lionel Richie and yes, they sound perfect together too.  Well done!

 

Now we get to see Adam’s Idol Journey recap.  And here he is for his song and he’s wearing the weirdest thing I have ever seen….like big iron shoulder pads…..except they're like cages.  I don’t know how to describe it….so he’s singing with KISS.  Obviously.  Rock and Roll All Night.  That’s appropriate.  I’m not a big Kiss fan, but it was fun.  The next performance is from Carlos Santana on the guitar, ‘Black Magic Woman’.  Dumbo is singing with him and then all the Idolettes come out and sing with him.  For sounding so good by themselves….they really don’t sound that good together.

 

Time for the final Ford commercial music video horror show of the season.  It’s a recap of all the other creepy commercial music video horror shows to the song ‘I Will Remember You’.  Ok….glad that’s over.  Cookie comes on screen and says it’s time to surprise Kermit and Drama.  Surprise….yeah right.  They did kind of look surprised, but everybody knew they were getting cars.  Cute little Ford Fusions.  Nice.  Moving on, now it’s time for the Rougneck and Tattoo to sing with none other than Steve Martin on the banjo.  The song is called ‘Pretty Flowers’ and the Hubby and I are fairly certain this is from a bit on SNL.  Steve is coming out with an album….oh really?  I’d probably buy that.

 

More music….the Idolettes are singing ‘If You Want My Body’…the boys are all dressed up like Reservoir Dogs.  They sound terrible.  But here comes Rod Stewart in a great plaid jacket.  Aha!  He sounds pretty good for being like 900 years old. 

 

And the latest ridiculous Golden Idol award is for Outstanding Female.  <sigh>  I have a sinking suspicion I already know who is going to win this.  Yup….I’m right because the world hates me….it’s the Devil Woman Tatiana.  Ryan announces that they’re out of time and he’ll give her the award later.  But she gets right up and walks onstage anyway….this was obviously scripted but at the same time kind of funny.  He says, we have to go to break and she grabs the mic away from him and starts singing and then security is chasing her all over the stage and she just keeps singing….right into the break.  <chuckle>  Ok….ok.  Maybe she’s not the “Devil” woman I thought she was…..<smack in the head>…..what am I saying?!?!?  Of course she is….

 

We’re already over on time I think….I taped this like an hour long so there wouldn’t be a chance I’d miss anything so I’m not exactly sure where we are….but we’re close to the end.  Seacrest asks the Simon what he wants to say to the contestants and he blurts out, ‘I don’t normally mean this, but you are both incredibly talented, unusually nice guys.  The future is yours.’  Awwwww….I think that’s about as sappy as the Cowell is going to get.

 

Dim the lights.  It’s time.  AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!  The Hubby is looking at me with the Look….clearly wondering when his wife became brain damaged.  Without a whole lot of ado, Seacrest announces the winner.  It’s KRIS!!!  Kermit wins!!!  I am quite literally speechless….and so is he….who saw this coming?  I’ll tell you who….me.  That’s right.  Two years in a row, I have liked the winner.  Two years in a row my super-vote has made the difference.  That’s one out of 100 million according to the anonymous bean counter that certified the results.  <smile>  Kermit wins!  The Hubby immediately starting mumbling about conspiracy theories with the Christian right, etc etc.  I think it’s because people got tired of the screaming from Drama.  Regardless, like Daughtry, Drama is now free to do his own thing.  And Kris has the backing of the all-powerful AI machine behind him now.  <big smile>  He stutters and plutters over thank yous and I don’t know what to say and blah blah blah.  Ryan thanks the judges, Ricky Miner and the band and us.  Of course.

 

And then they make him song.  The AI song, No Boundaries.  He manages to make it sound better than it is….which by itself should have won him the competition.  

 

Well, <big sigh>  it’s over.  The Hubby waited about 0.8 seconds before he deleted the program and switched the channel to basketball.  I have a feeling I will go into AI withdrawal very soon and start criticizing people and judging them for no good reason….oh wait.  What am I saying?  I’m an auditor!!!  That’s totally my job!!!  AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. 

 

Till next season gators,

Heather

 

It’s time.  97% of the other shows I watch are already over….this is the last performance show on American Idol, Season 8.  <whimper>  I don’t know what the hell I am supposed to do with no TV on….I might have to actually start talking to the Hubby again.  Hahahahahahaha….Ryan informs us that two are left standing.  He’s wearing a slate gray shiny suit and tie.  He calls it a showdown between the acoustic rocker and the glam rocker.  Ok.  Do you know he has been using this boxing analogy for YEARS now…it’s old Ryan.  Find something new. Here are our judges.  Our wonderfully neurotic judges.  Randy has a ridiculously crazy-looking clown suit on.  Kara is wearing a glamorous black number.  Paula is wearing neon green.  And Simon?  Simon is wearing buttons.  Not buttoning the buttons….just wearing them.  <sigh>  Chest hair is gross Simon…come on.  And here are the kiddies – Kermit and Drama looking queasy and nervous.  There was the normal coin toss last week to see who would go first and Kermit won and decided to let Drama kick it off.  There are three songs to sing tonight – the kiddies pick their favorite song from the season, Simon Fuller picks a song for them, and then they both have to sing the AI8 song that was co-written by Kara.  So….lots of stuff we’ve already heard.  That’s wonderful.  Seacrest starts warning us now that tomorrow’s finale show may run long.  AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Oh Ryan.  We know it will run long.  You don’t have to warn us.  This show has ended on time, I’d say, three out of 64 times.  Nice going.

 

Dramadama starts everything off with his pick – Mad World.  He comes out on stage in fog, backlit with green spooky lights.  He’s wearing a long coat, that is actually pretty cool.  The song sounds exactly the same as it did the last time we heard it.  Pretty good.  But I’ve heard it already.  He has a lot of intense looks into the camera….and manages not to make them oogy.  Randy says, so check it out, we got to see your sensitive side, A+.  A for Adam.  <cringe>  Kara says I’m so happy you picked that song.  And then she says something about being an artist and I blacked out immediately.  Paula says blah blah, more subdued, introverted, blah blah, theatrical.  Simon says it was your best performance, kind of over-theatrical…reminded him of Phantom of the Opera.  Then Randy pipes in that it’s more Twilight….that will win him all the Edward Cullen fans.

 

Sir Anthony Hopkins is in the audience tonight.  I love him.  He reminds me of my dad for some reason.  Anyway, so Kermit is singing his pick – Ain’t No Sunshine.  Another slow song….that I’ve heard already!!!  It’s very pretty and since I am kind of biased on his side, naturally I love it.  And he can play the piano….which I think is very cool.  Randy says yo, dude, check it out, hope the Lakers win, best ever.  Way to stay on topic Randy.  Kara says whatever Randy said and something about an intimate bond.  Paula says you awaken spirits, especially mine since I’m drunk.  And then she said artist and I blacked out immediately.  Simon says when your name was announced last week, I wasn’t sure it was the right choice.  But after that performance, I take it all back.  Round one goes to Kris. 

 

Simon Fuller picked ‘Change Is Gonna Come’ for Drama to sing.  This is a very bluesy, soulful song for him.  He’s wearing a Seacrest suit.  And there’s that scream.  Oh good….I thought maybe he might go a whole song without screaming like a banshee.  I think this is too much of a soul song, and he’s turning it into his normal screamy rock song performance.  The Hubby is cringing.  And complaining.  Vociferously.  Randy calls the song an amazing R&B classic, he wipes the drool off his chin and then says you can sing your face off!  Kara calls this his best performance and interpretation of a song ever.  Paula says this is the best I’ve ever heard you sing.  Ever.  Ever ever.  Simon says you are 100% back in the game, congratulations.

 

Simon Fuller picked ‘What’s Going On’ for Kermit to sing.  He’s playing his acoustic guitar.  It’s beautiful.  I’m not so sure about the song choice….but whatever, he did the best with what he had.  Randy says a little bit light for this competition….<sigh>….he didn’t pick the song Randy.  Kara says you’ve always been true to yourself.  Artist.  And I am in a coma now.  Paula says you tore that song up!  Somebody get me another “coke”[she even did air quotes, swear to God].  Simon says he loved the song, but it was like listening to three friends in their bedroom strumming along to the song, too laid back.  He DID NOT pick the song Simon!  Button your shirt!!!

 

Now we get to hear Kara’s song.  It’s called ‘No Boundaries’.  And it was co-written by Kara.  By Kara.  Did you get that?  Kara co-wrote this song, thus justifying her entire existence on this show.  So I don’t know if he’s off or it’s the song (co-written by Kara)…but this doesn’t sound so good.  And he’s cry-screaming….again.  I don’t know if I could listen to a whole album of that scream…I really don’t.  He is wearing cool pants though.  Now I sound like Paula…maybe I’m drunk too.  Randy says, I’ve said it before, you can sing the phone book.  Okay, first of all, if you’ve said it before there is really no reason to say it again, or to say it 800 hundred billion times.  Second, wouldn’t it be hysterical if someone did come out and sing the phonebook?  <chuckle>  Kara said amazing, so proud.  I co-wrote that song.  Paula says adjectives cannot describe it.  AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Oh Paula….stop mocking me.  She’s a fan forever.  Simon says over the entire season, you have been one of the best most original contestants.  He genuinely believes they have found a worldwide star, congratulations.  Seacrest calls him a class act.

 

Now Kermit is singing a song called ‘No Boundaries’.  You may have heard this before….and by before I of course mean, like three minutes ago.  I like the way Kermit sings it better….but he sounds off a little too.  Now, because I got to hear it twice in a row, I know for certain that I don’t like this song.  Randy says be proud of yourself, the song fit your voice better.  Kara says Artist.  And I’m out.  Paula says take it all in, you deserve the spotlight.  Simon says he’s amazed at how far Kris has come over the entire season.  You deserve to be there right now.  Seacrest says it was a fun fun fight.  Oh Ryan….no one ever describes a boxing match as a fun fun fight…..

 

And now to close out the show, Miss Carrie Underwear sings the biggest loser song of this season – Home Sweet Home.  And while the Hubby grumbles about the original and whatnot, I do notice that she sounds great.  Tomorrow is a big deal….the finale shows are always great.  Can’t wait.

 

Later gators,

Heather

 

 

I have been in mourning gentle reader.  In mourning over my Capitals.  The last game was a heart breaker.  We looked awful.  Varly the Kid was pulled out of the goal after giving up four.  Everybody looked off.  So depressing.  What a terrible way to go out….and to all teams, it had to be the Pens.  So depressing.  Anyway, I have been very lax in my duties to this blog and I apologize.  Still don’t have internet access at work….so I have had to…you know…..work while I’m there.  Instead of do this….

 

Last week we found out who would be in the finals.  The show starts with Ben Stiller shilling his new movie ‘Night at the Museum 2’.  It’s probably a cute movie, in that really retarded way some cute movies have about them.  But if I ever see it, it’ll be on DVD.  Ryan is wearing a gray suit and a shiny tie.  He tells us that just over 1 million votes separates the top two.  Huh.  The kiddies are already out of stage sitting in the Stools of Fate.  <chuckle>  Randy looks like the purple people eater.  Kara is wearing some trashy lace thing.  Paula looks like a cowgirl in a black lace up number.  And Simon is wearing his somber grey.  Jordin Sparks and Katy Perry are singing tonight.  Woo.  Hoo.

 

We start with this week’s Ford music video commercial horror show.  Ironman, Dramadama and Kermit are all cartoons.  The commercial is to the song ‘Break My Stride’….it’s creepy.  As usual.  Then Alicia Keys comes out to talk about Idol Gives Back and beg for money…since they didn’t have a charity show this year.  She is so pretty.  Now they bring out a kid from Rwanda.  His name is Noah and he is singing ‘I’m The World’s Greatest’ and unless you have no soul and your heart is a black ice cold stone in your chest….this was very sweet.  The kid is jumping and dancing all over the stage, so excited to be there.  He learned to sing the song in English in one week.  He shakes all of the judges hands….awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww….so adorable.  Alicia commands us to text our donations in….hey.  Wait just one minute.  She’s not singing too?!?!?!  What the hell is going on here?!?!?!?

 

Seacrest talks about the Summer Tour.  Again.  We know already, enough about the stupid tour!  So Ironman comes out on stage and we get to hear about his trip home to Milwaukee.  He got to see Jamar.  You remember this guy, right?  His best bud from the tryouts.  He talks about going from tragedy to triumph.  Remember, he’s a widow.  A recent widow.  He goes on the morning news, radio shows, the mayor announces that it’s Gokey Day in Milwaukee….which is hysterical because a Gokey doesn’t sound like a good thing.  And there’s a parade.  Some random kid thinks Ironman is the best because he’s cute, he has good glasses (as opposed to bad, kids know more than you think) and he lives in Milwaukee.  That’s called being a homer kid.  Way to go.  He’s crying….and there are a TON of people gathered to hear him sing.  He got to throw out a pitch at the baseball game.  He calls it a bittersweet homecoming.  I bet….Ryan recaps his singing.  And then tells him to sit down, shut up….and wait.  In the Stools of Fate.

 

Now we get to see Kermit go home.  To Conway Arkansas.  Arkansas?  Huh.  We drove through Arkansas once on our way somewhere else.  All I can remember is it smelled weird.  And by weird, I mean bad.  Anyway, we find out that he gets free cheese dip for life from his favorite restaurant.  Free cheese dip?  Well, you know you’ve made it now Kermit.  He goes on the news, does a radio show and performs at the Riverfest Ampitheater.  His poppa is very proud.  Proud poppas are the best, aren’t they?  He sings at the University of Central Arkansas.  I’m watching all this go on and all I can wonder is….how long is that wife of his gonna last?  I know I’m a cynic, but Daughtry’s wife didn’t last too long after he made it big.  I feel kind of bad for in her….but not really.  He sings in Simon Park…..irony?  He tells the crowd that they have changed his life.  Yes, yes they have.  Seacrest recaps his singing.  Now SIT!  In the Stools of Fate.

 

We get a break now with Jordin Sparks singing ‘Battlefield’.  Ryan Tedder co-wrote the song and is playing the piano.  I wish he was singing.  She looks amazing.  The song kind of grew on me after a while…but I really just wanted to listen to Tedder playing the piano.  Pretty good….I didn’t fast forward through it, which is a good sign.

 

Now Drama goes home to San Diego.  Some girl streaked across the stage….except she didn’t really look naked.  I didn’t see any unnatural blurring going on.  She was just in her bra.  What a fraidy cat…..if you’re gonna do something like that, do it right.  He goes on a morning news show too, and the woman co-anchor was totally hysterical.  He does a radio show too.  And then he goes to the Met, a theater group he was in as a kid.  And he talks to the kids, which was kind of cute.  He said it was a big full circle moment….ok.  Then he goes to Mt. Carmel high school.  And then the Marine Corps Air Station….or something.  I may have gotten that wrong.  I don’t think his parents live in San Diego….why didn’t he see them?  Anyway, Ryan recaps his singing and then tells him to park it.  In the Stools of Fate.

 

Katy Perry sings.  The song is called ‘Waking Up in Vegas’….which conjures up all kinds of nightmarish scenarios.  Cause you don’t really sleep much in Vegas.  She has the buggy eyes that give me the eebie geebies…..the song gets a little annoying too.  She has a very very weird outfit on.  But hey, it’s Vegas baby. 

 

So 88 million votes were cast.  Good golly miss molly, don’t you people have anything better to do?!?!?!    And now, it’s go-time.  Finally time for the results.  Finally time to get the kiddies off the very uncomfortable looking Stools of Fate.  The first person competing next week is <dramatic pause>  Kris.  WHAT?!?!?  NO WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY?!?!  I did not see that coming.  They surprise me on this show, all the time.  Pleasantly surprise me….how nice.  I like Kermit…he might be my favorite right now.  And then without much ado, Seacrest announces that Drama is competing against him.  Time to say goodbye to Danny boy.  We see his Idol Journey and relive a lot of the moments he had on the show.  And now he has to sing – You Are So Beautiful.  With a brave smile, he says goodbye.  The finale is set – Drama versus Kermit.  Simon calls the finale show a big ding dong….<sigh>….I guess that’s British for a good thing. 

 

Later gators,

Heather

It’s the final three….we are dangerously close to being done with the whole shebang this season….<sigh>.  I’ll try to keep it together.  Seacrest comes out in a nice black suit and tie.  He announces that tonight is the show’s 300^th episode.  He refers to the kiddies as the three amigos.  Huh.  Randy is wearing a navy blue striped shirt and blue glasses.  Kara has some weird boxy gray thing on, while Paula is all glitz and glamour.  And here’s Simon in his white t-shirt and chest hair.  Drama, Kermit and Ironman went home over the weekend.  We get to see all that nonsense during the vote-off show.  The boys are singing two songs tonight – one that the judge’s pick for them and one they pick for themselves.  So let’s get started.

 

Ironman is up first.  Paula picked his song for him – Dance Little Sister by Terence Trent D’arby.  I don’t think I’ve heard this song before….but at least Danny boy has a great voice.  I don’t think I’ve heard this song and I don’t like it…..he sounds angry.  Randy says you have a lotta energy, that was dope.  Kara says that song hit the money spot with your voice, but the dancing was too gyrating.  <quizzical look>  What?  Paula says, well I’m a choreographer and I think the dancing was great.  Oh….oh ho ho ho….MEOW.  Paula being catty with Kara…this will be an awesome night.  Simon called the dancing desperate and then says he thinks it was the wrong song.  Paula is trying to say something and Simon won’t let her talk…in fact, it looks like he’s choking her….hehehehe….now they are distracting Ryan with their antics.  Since the cameras won’t show any of it, we just got a lot of sideways glances from Ryan and Danny boy chuckling.  Apparently Paula was hitting Simon.  Oh boy.  This WILL be an awesome night.

 

Kara and Randy picked the song for Kermit – Apologize, by One Republic.  I hope your remember that Archie sang this with the actual band.  I hope you also remember that Ryan, the lead singer, totally blew him out of the water.  This is a great song though…I love it.  Kermy is playing the piano, just like Ryan does.  It was pretty good, but he couldn’t really hit the high notes and he didn’t change it at all….pretty good but not as good.  The girls love him though.  Randy says this is your kind of song.  Kara says it was a confident performance, but I wish you had made it your own.  Paula like the song, said he hit a loud bum note, she’s proud of him and his artistic license.  Simon is confused by Paula and then he tells Kara that she can’t pick a song for someone and then criticize them for singing it…if she wanted it done differently, she should have changed the arrangement.  He thinks Kara and Randy let him down.  Wow….this is getting totally out of control.

 

I don’t know if anybody else noticed this but AI was throwing around a lot of numbers last night, more than usual.  Writing binary code is easier than remembering all these god***n numbers…..

 

Drama is up next.  Simon picked his song.  Of course.  And he’s singing One (more numbers, great) by U2.  Apparently Simon spoke to Bono personally about permission to use the song.  Nice.  It starts off slow and soft and pretty and then he gets screamy.  But in a good way.  A rocker, on key way.   It was the best so far.  Randy says you’re still in the zone, hottest, a really talented guy.  Kara says you’re a strategist and then gives Drama all the credit for changing the arrangement….even though Simon JUST SAID that he did that.  <frustrated sigh>  I hate her so much.  Pay ATTENTION!!  Paula tells Simon to stop gloating, one brilliant song, one superb performance, one American idol.  Wow….if people were able to jinx other people, I would think these guys were giving it their best shot.  Simon says it was a brilliant song choice <chuckle>, and then he says if you’re not in the finals, it will be one of the biggest upsets ever.  Are they building this up on purpose?  For all of you conspiracy theorists out there….are they making sure he’s not locked into an AI contract?

 

Ok, intermission time and Seacrest talks about Idol Gives Back.  Over the past two years they have raised over $140 million for charity and whatnot.  They didn’t do a charity show this year, did they?  Huh, bad economy….I guess.  Anyhoo, Carrie Underwood is in Angola.  That’s in Africa.  She’s telling us about the kiddies dying of malaria and how mosquito nets can save them.  This is very depressing.  Depressing that over 3,000 kids die a day from something that is so preventable…

 

Ok, <sniff>, time for the second round of singing now that I could totally care less who wins this show….Ironman picked ‘You Are So Beautiful’ by Joe Cocker.  Ok.  He’s sitting center stage, in a spot light.  It’s nice and soft at the start, and then he brings it up, and then back down for a nice quiet sweet finish.  This was sooooooo much better than the first song.  This is the Danny everybody fell in love with, the heart broken widow.  Randy says you can really really really sing.  Good job Randy.  Kara calls it stunning.  Paula says you left us breathless, magic, infusing something, blah blah blah, not making any sense, you nailed it.  Simon says he loved the song, not the arrangement, but it was a vocal master class.  And without a break –

 

We’re on to Kermit.  He picked Heartless by Kanye West.  What a weird pick, right?  He’s singing with his acoustic guitar.  And that’s it.  Practically a capella.  And that was actually……….really good.  Wow, this is gonna be a tough choice.  Randy calls it the toughest voting choice ever, better than the original, in it to win it.  Kara called him bold, brave, fearless and perfect.  Paula calls him the bravest artist for singing about Simon, keeps you relevant, bravo.  Simon says after the lame first song choice he had pretty much written Kris off, but that has totally changed.  Oh boy…..

 

And last but certainly not least, Dramadama is singing Aerosmith – Crying.  He’s got his punk outfit on, which is cool.  I think this is what he prefers.  The backup singing sounds too loud in the beginning, but nobody can sing over Drama when he starts to scream.  I actually….did not like this as much…..I don’t know why.  This guy is certainly talented.  But the screamy thing doesn’t always work every time.  Randy calls him one of the best, most charismatic contestants, you should be a rock star.  Kara is puzzled, who hits those notes and can still talk the next day?  Paula talks about frequent flyer miles and says see you next week.  Simon says he’s not gonna suck up, the show is about finding a star and people should vote for you because you deserve it based on talent.  And then Drama was very humble, saying anything could happen.  Very good Drama, nice and humble.  You needed that to get some of the judge’s slobber off of you.

 

Honestly, nobody choked.  The judges’ picks were worthless.  The kiddies picked the better songs tonight.  I have no idea who it’s going to.  Absolutely no idea. 

 

 

And that is pretty cool. 

Later gators,

Heather

 

p.s. Game 7 against the Pens tonight, the Caps are playing at home.  It’s win, or go home.  And we must beat them…..because I cannot STAND the Pens.  Please everybody, think positive thoughts about Washington hockey tonight….

Ok, first things first.  The Capitals have made this the most stressful season ever….they were ahead two games to none….and then they lost the next three.  Last night they were on the brink of elimination.  Against the Pens <hissssssssssssss>, in Pittsburgh <hissssssssssssss>, and the game went to overtime.  AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!  Of course we won.  Because the Hubby’s play-off beard has grown out to the point that he looks like a Sherpa.  Heeheehee….Game 7 is tomorrow night.  We have to beat the Pens.  We have to.  I hate that team with such a passion….

 

Anyhoo…last Wednesday was go-time for the Idolers.  Ryan was wearing a black suit and tie….looking dapper as usual.  He tells us that 64 million votes were cast.  Holy crap.  That’s a lot!  You people really care about this one….then he says hi to the top four.  Randy is wearing red, Kara is wearing black, Paula has some snakeskin thing on and Simon looks exceedingly comfortable in his normal black t-shirt.  We start off the filler-fest with the Ford music video horror show of the week….in which the kiddies looked like creepy paper dolls.  Running around in 2-d and for some reason this made me think of Nightmare on Elm Street….I don’t know why.  But it gave me the eebie geebies. 

 

Then the kiddies sang – School’s Out.  Slash on guitar, in his top hat.  Looking a little old which of course makes me feel like the crypt keeper again.  The guitar sounded great, the kiddies sounded ok.  Ryan talks about the summer tour for the eight billionth time and then he talks to the kiddies….like we care what they have to say at this point.  Kermit is surprised he’s there, Drama loved this week, Ironman watched his performance back and thought his scream was hysterical, and Red was proud of herself for talking back to Simon.

 

Now it’s time for the first performance of the night….which was Miss Abdul.  First though AI felt it necessary to do a little video montage of the life and time of Paula, so that anyone who didn’t know would understand how ridiculously successful she has actually been.  It’s kind of nuts when you think about it….she’s so clearly out of her mind….and yet…..she’s sold like a billion trillion records.  <shaking my head>  She’s singing ‘I’m Just Here for the Music’.  Well….not really singing.  She is dancing, and the dancing is great.  The song is a little annoying…but she can really dance.  Total fluff, kind of cheesy, exactly what we all expected.  But undeniably Paula.

 

Then we get a performance from No Doubt and the oh so adorable Gwen Stefani.  She’s just precious.  And such a rocker chick.  I think she’s great.  They sang an oldie, I’m Just  A Girl.  And they, along with the entire population of musicians on the planet, are going on tour this summer.  They’re doing it kind of backwards, going on tour to inspire a new album. 

 

Ryan explains that the top three will get to go home next week anyway, for the star treatment.  You know, the parades, and the key to the city, and all that nonsense that they eat up with a spoon.  If I went back to my high school town with this kind of hoopla surrounding me….it might be cool.  But it might require decades of therapy to get over too.  Ok, so bring out the four.  Ryan is going to announce the first safe one.  It’s Kermit.  Chris with a K.  Kind of a surprise….but Seacrest did say they were announcing them in no particular order.  I like Kermit, I’m glad he’s in the finals. 

 

Back from the break and it’s time to hear Mr. Chris Daughtry.  The one, the only…..if any of you don’t know, I am totally in love with this guy.  And he still looks great.  And their band is coming out with another album….which I will definitely be buying.  He’s singing No Surprise, the first single.  YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY.  It’s great, but who cares.  He is so easy on the eyes….5 million albums sold of the debut.  I have one, by the way, in case anyone wants to borrow it. 

 

The second person safe is…………..Drama.  Yeah, we knew that.  It’s down to Red and Ironman.  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, Ironman is safe.  Awwww….I think I would have been sad either way, but it’s too bad for Red.  Danny boy seemed genuinely surprised, surprised I guess that anyone could forgive him for that horrendous scream.  So we watch her Idol journey with her, and then with tears rolling down her face Red sang again – Cry baby.  Good job girl.  You have nothing to be ashamed of….you have your whole life ahead of you.  And a great career, no doubt.

 

Later gators,

Heather

We’re down to the top four.  The four tops.  Here’s Ryan in a gray suit, striped tie and perfect tan.  He says we’re very live tonight….whatever the hell that is supposed to mean.  Apparently there was some kind of accident on the stage earlier and the kiddies didn’t get a chance to do their rehearsals….that doesn’t sound good.  And Ryan says something about the kiddies performing duets tonight….duets?  What the hell?  With each other?  What is going on?  My world is turning upside down….ok, here are the judges.  Randy in bejeweled blue, Kara in cheap punk leather, Paula in a cute little dress and Simon in a very subdued grey t-shirt.  It’s classic rock week.  And the mentor is Slash.  And of course, here’s a montage about Slash and who he is…..oh dear Jesus…..who he is?!?!?!?!  Come on kids.  It’s Slash.  Great guitar….Guns and fing Roses.  Come on. 

 

Drama is singing first tonight.  I guess I should say something about the fact that he’s gay.  People keep asking me about it.  I didn’t think it mattered.  Sooooooooooooooooooooooo….he’s gay.  And I guess that would be a big deal if he won…..but I’m not totally sure why.  It’s not like they’re aren’t any gay singers out there in the world.  Really successful gay singers.  He picked Whole Lotta Love, Led Zeppelin classic.  Great great song…but I’m worried he picked it.  And why isn’t Slash playing the guitar?  Seriously….you have this amazing guitar player in the building and he’s not on stage?  I feel like Alice in Wonderland.  You know what though, Drama sounded pretty friggin good.  As usual.  Randy says this is the Adam I love, don’t even think about Broadway, you a rock star.  Kara called him a ‘Rock God’ and then said something about Nine Inch Nails which made me cringe.  I don’t like listening to her very much.  Paula thinks the band sounds great and then called Drama a whole lotta perfect.  Simon joked that he thought the performance was understated and then pointed out it could have been a disaster.  He says it was his favorite of all of Drama’s performances and nobody is gonna be able to top that.  Uh oh….if he thinks that now….

 

Red is singing second and she picked Crybaby by Miss Janis Joplin.  I think this is a great choice.  Slash says she needs to get over her fear….yeah, she’s 17.  Don’t get over it too quick.  I thought it was a great performance.  She has a great rock voice and she really got into it.  Very nice.  Randy says you can sing your face off <shiver>….why does he say crap like that?  He didn’t like the song choice though….wha whaaaaaaaaaaaat?!?  Kara thinks it was the right choice, bluesy rock, we can see your personality.  Paula called her fearless.  Simon thinks the difference between her now and then is staggering, showed a lot of confidence, it was kind of a sound-alike, he would have chosen a Queen song.  Then Red does something totally out of character and gets feisty with Mr. Cowell.  She has apparently finally had enough.  You go girl.  I think Simon likes her more for standing up for herself.

 

First duet of the night is Kermit and Ironman.  They picked Renegade by Styxx.  It’s a pretty good song, they sound really off in parts though.  And then in other parts they sound amazing.  Randy thinks they complimented each other really well, he says the individual singing was just ok.  Kara says the same thing.  But in a different way.  Man I hate her.  Paula thinks the duets are a great idea.  She called it powerful and compelling.  Simon says after chatting incoherently with Paula about how retarded she is….Danny you were better than Kris.  Ouch!  Simon…..that was harsh.

 

Time for Kermit to sing.  He picked the Beatles…..but not the song you would expect.  As soon as he said Beatles, the Hubby mumbles, Revolution.  Right?  But he picked Come Together….which I don’t really consider rock for some reason.  During his rehearsal, Slash loaned him a guitar.   Aiiiiiyiyi.  I would have been freaking out.  Take that guitar and run!  Heeheehee.  Slash says he needs to pick up the live performance and gives him some suggestions on how to perform while playing the guitar, if anybody would know it’s him.  It was pretty good, a little different.  But pretty good.  Randy says, I know you’re not a hard rocker, liked the vocals, loved the guitar.  Kara doesn’t think it was a great performance, she thinks he’s trying too hard.  Paula says it’s kind of risky to pick the Beatles but you gave it your own artistic signature.  Your imprint makes it compelling.  Tonight’s buzz word is apparently ‘compelling’.  <sigh>  Simon didn’t like it that much.  He said it was like eating ice for lunch.  AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Where have all these fantastic Cowell-isms been?  That’s hysterical.  He said he was right that nothing could top Drama.  Hmmmmm…..Kermy might be in trouble.  You never know….

 

Ironman is the last to sing solo.  He picked Dream On by Aerosmith.  Ehhhhhh….I think this is a terrible idea…..I am quite positive nobody knows what a great singer Steven Tyler is…..but you’re about to.  Slash says he picked a tough song….which I think means he didn’t like it.  He says it could go either way.  It all depends on the scream.  And the scream sounded painful.  I think he may have hurt himself.  Literally.  <frowny>  Randy says I know this is not your genre, not great.  A for effort.  Nice Randy….nice demeaning non-compliment.  Kara says you have swagger and edge, but you took it too far.  Then she says I like to see growth….<sigh>…..no comment.  Paula says I don’t think it was the right song for you.  WOW….YA THINK?!?!  Not so much.  Then she gives him an A++ for effort and if I was him I would have walked off the stage right then.  Simon says the last note was like watching a horror movie.  AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Awesome.  It totally was like watching a horror movie.  He says it was a little over the top, it didn’t work.  But you’re still gonna be safe.  Then Seacrest jinxes him by saying Danny boy has never been in the bottom three….uh oh.

 

Last song of the night is the second duet between Drama and Red.  They picked Slow Ride and they sound GREAT together.  They harmonize perfectly.  Randy says that was the bomb.  Kara says Rock God and Rock Goddess.  Nice and original, Kara.  Paula says they were the perfect blend, they should do a duet on their albums, it was a beautiful thing.  Simon says in the battle of the duets, you won.  Then he says, Drama, you may have given this one a chance to stay in the competition.  Wow….does he really think Allison is in trouble?

 

Because I don’t.  I think she was better than both Kermit and Ironman.

I guess we’ll see tomorrow.  Daughtry is tomorrow….and that’s all I heard before I started screaming and running around the room…..

 

Go CAPITALS!

Later gators,

Heather

It's go time people.  Or it was, rather, like last week sometime.  I do not have Internet access at work right now and it is reaaaaallllyyyyy messing up my life.  Remember when you had dial-up and the Internet was kind of a hassle?  Well...now people think I have died if I don't e-mail them every couple of days....so, just in case you were wondering.  I'm alive.  Alive and well.  Thanks for all the e-mail reminding me that I have this obligation to keep you people up to date on TV.  Seriously.  Too lazy....to watch TV?!?!?  You guys are unbelievable.  Anyhoo...it's go time.  Seacrest asks who will get the shock tonight?  I'm hoping it's the Pathetic Pens in game 2 of the series.  Ryan has a blue or black suit on...as usual I can't tell.  47 million votes were cast.  Randy is wearing pink.  Kara is wearing lavender.  Paula has a snazzy black number on...well....not really on.  Simon is wearing a white v-neck t-shirt which shows off his gross chest hair really well.  After being prompted by Ryan, Simon admits that everyone was good this week.  It's the most open competition they've ever had.  Yeah, we know.  Tonight we have Taylor "Who?" Hicks, Natalie Cole and Jamie Foxx.  Yes, Foxx is spelled with two x's....which I don't think I was doing before....sorry about that.  And a big super smile thank you to everyone who so nicely points out my mistakes.  You guys are super awesome.

 

We start of the night with this week's Ford music video commercial horror show disaster.  The kiddies are singing to 'Energy' and they are running through the desert.  Kinda corny....but it won't give me nightmares, and that's all I can really ask for at this point.  Then they sing their medley song - It don't mean a thing and I got rhythm.  Rhythm is the dumbest word in the world to spell by the way....what ass**le came up with that one.  Anyway, the song was kind of good and kind of annoying all at the same time.

 

We're back and Seacrest reminds everyone for thr 40billionth time that there's a summer tour coming up.  There were birthdays this week for Ironman and Red.  They made themselves a cake, I guess because AI is too cheap to get them one...and they ended up having a food fight.  The kitchen looked eerily similar to my kitchen after I attempt to bake a cake....but that's all I'll say about that.  AI got Danny a "gift" which was the cleaning bill from the most expensive maid service I have ever heard of...not sure if that was a joke.  Seacrest wasn't making it real clear. 

 

Now, everybody come center stage.  Dumbo go to the right.  Ironman go to the left.  Red go to the left too.  Kermit Kris go to the right.  Now Drama....you pick the winners.  And instead of sitting in the middle of the stage and refusing to play these reindeer games, Drama picks Ironman and Red.  And he's right.  Sort of.  That side is safe....but that's not where Drama belongs. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry.  I just fell off the couch again remembering that this happened.  I'm back now.  What in the HELL is wrong with you America?!?!  You get all mushy about this guy and then you DON'T VOTE FOR HIM?  You morons.  I hope he gets voted off, just to spite you.  So, Dumbo, Kermit and Drama are in the bottom three.  Simon congratulates Ironman and Red, which I thought was very classy.  And now it's time to listen to Natalie Cole, singing Something's Gotta Give.  She looks amazing, kind of thin, but amazing.  And of course she sounds wonderful.  And then to follow up that stellar performance, we get to hear Taylor Hicks.  He reminds of George Clooney in Oh Brother Where Are Thou.....still goofy....still has gray hair.  The song sounds real country.  He's playing the guitar and the harmonica.  It's a nice song.  Thanks for climbing out from under that rock where you've been hiding to share it with us.  The judges give him a standing ovation, which was nice but I'm sure none of them really meant that.  He was in Grease?  Did I hear that right?  He tells the losers that song choice is the most important thing at this point.  Yeah.  We know Taylor.

 

So bring out the three.  One of them is safe and it's Kermit.  Oh come ON!!  It's so obviously Dumbo going home....but we don't get to find out yet.  First it's Jamie Foxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.  He's singing Blame It.  Cool song....but I'd rather just look at him.  What a hottie.  You can't really hear him that well over the techno stuff and whatever they're doing to his voice, but what-ever.  So easy on the eyes....ok, so he talks about how talented the kiddies are while I wipe the drool off my notepad.  Seacrest asks him if America got it right and he very diplomatically says, it doesn't matter.  Then he plugs his movie.  And I didn't write down the title....so.....he's in a movie. 

 

Ryan points out that Kara and Randy seemed to be more on point this week, while Simon was way off base.  Now, dim the lights.  Blah blah blah, fake suspense....yada yada yada,  Drama is safe.  Dumbo is going home.  The saved one...is no longer safe.  Now we get to see his Idol Journey.  He's trying to hold it together and you know, I think he'll be ok.  Not a superstar, but he'll be ok.  The cat with 9 lives....there's the title to your first album Dumbo.  And since you've managed not to bawl your eyes out and run crying from the stage, now you must sing for us.  Next week is rock and roll week, which is cool except AI never seems to understand what rock is....Slash is the mentor which is hi-larious to me....how many of these kiddies don't know who Slash is?  I'm guessing enough to make me nauseous.  Seacrest thanks everyone.  Thank you and goodnight.

 

Down to four.  Close to the end.  I'm starting to have panic attacks....

 

GO CAPITALS!!!!!

Later gators,

Heather

Ok, first things first.  The Capitals won.  WOOOHOOO!  The Capitals….WON!!  This is very exciting.  Now we get to play the Pens…which is also very exciting.  The Hubby is growing his play-off charity beard which is getting a little annoying….but I don’t even care about that.  The Capitals won.  This new goalie, Varlamov, is 21 years old.  He just turned 21 on Monday.  He’s amazing.  And he saved the series for us.  Rock the Red, people.  Rock the Red.  This town is a hockey town again and I love it.

 

Back to American Idol.  We’re down to five.  The fab five.  This week the kiddies are singing tunes from the Rat Pack.  Nice.  I love these songs….but then, anything is better than disco.  Ryan has a nice black suit on with a nice black tie.  Randy is wearing a grey cardigan, Kara is donning the turquoise, Paula looks like a big red bow on a Christmas present and Simon is going a little crazy with a slate grey t-shirt.  The kiddies are all wearing suits….except for Red of course, who has a cute little dress on.  The mystery this week was centered around who their mentor would be, since obviously Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr, Dean Martin, Joey Bishop and Peter Lawford are all dead.  Which Kermit Kris delicately pointed out to everybody.  So….after some pretty stupid editing trying to make the thing all suspenseful, we find out that it’s Jamie Fox.  Ok.  I get that.  He sings…and he’s actually pretty good.  And he’s a performer, so he’ll understand this.  Maybe a slightly little bit more than, oh say….Quentin Tarantino.

 

Kermit Kris is singing first.  He picked ‘The Way You Look Tonight’.  Jamie loved him and wants to do a record together.  That was nice….but I don’t think he was being nice….I think he was being serious.  The performance is beautiful.  And he’s adorable.  Randy thought it was a great song, his best performance.  Kara said he set the technical standard very high and he has great diction and phrasing.  Paula thinks he has transitioned well to a handsome sophisticated gentleman (as opposed to shopping in the woman’s department).  Simon thinks the performance was a little bit wet.  And I have absolutely no idea what that means….must be a British thing.  Then he compared Kris to a well-trained spaniel.  AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….Paula wishes….I think he liked it, but I’m not totally sure.  I am totally sure that Kris is totally safe.

 

Red is singing next and we get to find out that she just turned 17.  Doesn’t somebody always have a birthday on this show?  So she picked ‘Someone to Watch Over Me’, which is a lovely song.  Jamie said, you’re too young to be in love so you must be talking about your family, sing to them.  That was some great advice, which I think Red took to heart.  It’s a very pretty performance, a perfect last note.  I really liked it.  Randy said he thought this would be tough for her, but he thinks she looks like Britney Murphy and sounds like Pink with about 9,000 more octaves to her voice.  HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.  So, I guess that means he liked it.  Kara says she’s not nervous for Red anymore, it was a gut-wrenching deep emotional performance.  Really Kara?  Gut-wrenching?  Paula says Red has an innocent sensibility, both alluring and very tender.  Simon says I don’t think you believe you can win….I have a horrible feeling you could be in trouble.  I get what he’s saying, I do.  But I like her.  Seacrest suggests she get a little ego.  Great….tell that to a 17 year old.  Like throwing gas on a flame.

 

Dumbo is up after the break.  He’s excited about this week, he thinks it’s his wheelhouse.  He’s got his cute little hat on and he picked ‘My Funny Valentine’.  Jamie didn’t say anything and then he did.  He suggested Dumbo sing it in a lower key, which I think was a good call.  He’s sitting on a stool, center stage.  It’s very nice.  But not the best so far and not the best we’re gonna hear tonight, I’m pretty certain.  Randy said you picked one of the hardest songs to sing, it was a little pitchy, 6 out of 10.  Kara says you gotta be the leader of the pack, I don’t think you were emotionally connected to the song.  Paula says she loved everything….and then wiped the drool off her bow.  Simon says he disagrees with…..<suspenseful pause>….Randy.  He thinks Dumbo gave the only believable, authentic performance of the night so far, absolutely brilliant  I think he might change his mind after he hears that back….I think Dumbo will go next.  Just based on popularity.

 

Ironman is fourth.  He is singing ‘Come Rain or Come Shine’, another nice song.  Jamie got right up in his grill while he was practicing.  <chuckle>  It probably helped him, actually.  He has such a nice tone to his voice and he’s singing this one a little gravelly, which sounds great.  I really liked that.  A good bluesy feel, he built it up.  Nice, very nice.  Randy says you are the only one who can have albums and win.  Wow….you think so, Randy?  The ONLY one?  Kara says he has swag <sigh>…..she called it unbelievable.  Like your English, Kara.  Paula said it was stellar performance.  Simon says you have swagger and confidence, you proved a point with your vocals, your performance was outstanding, he gives props to Ricky for a great arrangement and thanks Jamie for giving the good advice.  Wow….

 

Last but certainly not least….is Drama.  I still don’t like this guy very much, but it is becoming more and more difficult to say anything bad about him.  Jamie listened to his practice and then goes – ‘Whaaaaaaaaaat?!?’  heehee….then he sings.  He walks down the stairs, commands the stage, blows everybody away with his voice.  That was a showstopper.  Damn damn.  Randy says he knows he sounds like a broken record, but even though he thought it was a little theatrical, Drama is in the zone.  Kara says he shocks and confuses her <big surprise> and then she called it sleazy and superb.  Paula says words cannot describe you, it was better than good, you’re our Michael Phelps.  <shaking my head>  Simon thinks that Randy complaining about it being too theatrical is like complaining that a cow moos.  Winning is important, and you want to win.  Best entrance so far.  He tells Ryan he can’t use those stairs anymore.  HAHAHAHAHAHA….yeah, right?

 

So anyway….I think Dumbo will go, but it could be Red.  I think Danny boy and Dramadama will be in the finals….maybe.  Could be Kris and Drama….but right at this exact moment, I think it will be Danny.

 

Later gators,

Heather

It’s go time people.  The show opens with recap recap recap….just in case you missed last night or have forgotten what happened in the last 24 hours….Ryan reminds us no one is safe.  He’s wearing a dark blue or black suit (I can’t tell) and a polka dot tie.  He always looks nice now.  Happy Earth Day and all that.  Apparently, David Archuletta is singing tonight.  Great.  Archie is back.  Good ol’ squinty eyes.  45 million votes were cast and now here are your judges.  Randy has a black button up on, Kara is wearing a strapless green number, Paula is very glitzy tonight, and Simon is wearing a grey sweater.

 

Now we find out why Paula is so dressed up tonight.  She was the choreographer for the kiddies’ group performance.  Oh, ho ho ho….really?  Finally….Paula doing something she excels at.  You have to admit, as nutty as she is, she really can dance.  So Ms. Abdul gets to introduce the song and we get to see the short little dress she is wearing.  Of course she looks amazing in it.  The song the kiddies are “singing” is obviously pre-recorded.  There is no chance they could sing and dance at the same time….and they are not very good at lip synching.  Heehee.  It was a cool dance, I wasn’t listening to the music.  The kiddies got some flowers for Paula, which was very very nice.

 

Time for the Ford music video brainwashing message.  The video was to “I’m Good, I’m Gone.”  I have no idea what this was about, very random, made no sense….except now I have a weird urge to buy a new car.

 

Seacrest says, dim the lights.  Time for the results.  Lil, please stand up.  Ok, so she is in the bottom three….well, he didn’t actually say she was in the bottom three, he just said please stand on this side of the stage.  And without any real fanfare, she is booted off the show.  Done.  That’s it.  Sayonara.  See ya later.  Oh wait, first sing again, and no I didn’t listen to this.  After it’s over though, Paula goes, why didn’t you sing like this last night?  Hahahahaha…nice Paula, rub salt in the wound.  Like singing better would have helped.  Randy says this is just the beginning for you.  Simon says he’s still a big fan, and he’ll miss Lil’s family screaming behind him.  Kara says, I think you learned something on this show, and manages to make it sound extremely condescending.  After Lil goes, there is an all-star disco music medley.  <pause>  Oh sweet Jesus.  No, I did not listen to this.  Not even a little.  I forwarded through the whole thing, I didn’t even pay attention to who was singing.  I’m a bad blogger and I don’t care. 

 

Now it’s time to find out the bottom three.  Kermit Kris please stand up.  He is safe, of course, and more adorable than ever.  Dramadama please stand up, nevermind, shut up and sit down, you’re safe.  Ironman, please stand up.  Oh, he is adorable too.  He’s safe and he thinks he knows what Simon meant by clumsy.  Anoop de Loop Loop is next and yeah, yeah, yeah, America still hates you Anoop.  He’s in the bottom three, and I think he kind of knew that.  Red and Dumbo are standing up now.  It’s gotta be Matt, right?  Nope.  America, you suck.  Red is in the bottom, well two I guess.  Dumbo is safe.  Wha-WHAT?!?!  <sigh>  I’ll be really annoyed if she goes before Anoop.

Archie is singing ‘Touch My Hand’…is he smaller than he was before?  Maybe he’s shrinking.  And is this flat?  No, maybe it’s just me still not liking him.  He’s smiling, this big cheesy grin, but the lyrics sound kind of sad to me….huh.  And he is flat.  And squinting.  So glad he lost.  He’s going on tour this summer….isn’t everybody.  He tells Red and Anoop that there are so many opportunities after Idol, yes dears, your lives will not be over when you inevitably lose this competition.  Ok, get off the stage Squint.

 

We’re down to Anoop and Red.  Time to find out who the second person voted out is – it’s Anoop.  Allison is safe.  Thank goodness.  She’s the only girl left.  And because the show has managed to be on time again, we get to see a recap of Lil and Anoop’s Idol journeys.  The Mom and 13.  Babye.  Thanks to everyone and goodnight.

 

Later gators,

Heather

Time for the sweet seven.  Again.  Here’s Ryan in a dark grey suit and a black tie.  It’s disco week and I want to shoot myself in the head…..I cannot stand this type of music.  Was that Vince Neil in the audience?  Probably wondering what happened to ‘Home Sweet Home’ and why the Idolers don’t play his version instead of Carrie Underwear’s version.  <sigh>  They’re 80’s babies Vince….they probably don’t even know who you are.  Welcome judges – Randy looks very comfortable in a t-shirt, Kara is wearing fuchsia….which is actually a nice color on her and a difficult word to spell, Paula is in a weird lace-up thing and Simon has on his Tuesday shirt.  And pretty much without any hesitation Ryan pushes Lil onto the stage to get the party started.

 

Lil is singing ‘I’m Every Woman’….probably just so I can reiterate to myself how much I hate this music genre.  <sigh>  She’s got a black unitard on and looks pretty good in it.  The singing is ok, I guess….but I hate this song.  Randy says yo, that didn’t show your vocal control.  Kara says America was waiting to hear you sing this <were we?> but you didn’t come through.  Paula says Lil was on complete vocal rest the day before and she has made a remarkable comeback, and then she says you’re hot tonight but you didn’t hit the boiling point.  Seriously, who is writing this crap for her.  Simon says, you look so sad.  Lil explains she had fun and Simon replies, well I’m glad because that is probably your last performance.  Lil disagrees completely.  Oh hon….the judges have been trying to get rid of you for weeks.  It’s weird how much everybody is against her, is she really missing the mark that much….and more than some of the others?  Yeah, I guess she kind of is…

 

Chris with a K is singing second.  He picked ‘She Works Hard for the Money’….and explains it’s a song that says something about a woman working hard.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  I always thought it was about a prostitute…but then I never listened that closely to the lyrics.  It’s a nice acoustic version of the song, he’s playing the guitar, a nice arrangement….easy to listen to and not dreadful disco.  That was really cool!  Kara says the risk paid off big time, showed us something about you.  Paula said it had a classy Santana feel and then she said there are not many men willing to shop in the women’s department.  <sigh>  And you can just tell that she thought that was really clever.  Simon needs a translator to understand Paula….me too.  He called it original, well thought out, a fantastic performance.  Randy says you know who you are….<pause>…..you’re ready for the big time.  Good, good.  I agree.  Kermit Kris is definitely ready.  I think he may be in the finale with Drama.

 

Seacrest pushes Ironman onto the stage….he’s singing Earth, Wind & Fire – September.  He sounds nice, but here’s a song I really can’t stand.  It just gets my hackles up….so I focus on Danny boy’s cute smile and his weirdly bad dancing.  Randy says he knows how hard Danny worked on that song and it worked for him.  Kara says she was kind of worried about him, but you are an amazing vocalist, your pitch is always right on, solid.  Paula says you’re amazing, blah blah, vocal agility, brilliant, sexiest voice.  Get a hold of yourself Paula.  Simon says he can’t fault the vocals, the arrangement was good, but it was a clumsy performance.  He’s looking for more star power.

 

QUICK!!  Get Red on the stage!!!  What is the problem tonight?  Is the stage on fire?  I say nyet, cause they’re Russian the crap out of this show.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Oh, I crack myself up.  Red is singing ‘Hot Stuff’….what in the world is she wearing?  You know, if the singing doesn’t work for her she should design clothes….unless this is what all 16 year olds wear….it’s kind of weird.  She is way too young for this song, but her rock voice is helping a lot with the performance.  I don’t think Red liked it too much, her face at the end showed she was kind of disappointed.  Randy says he didn’t love the arrangement, but she is one of the best singers…..ok.  Kara says yeah, whatever Randy said.  Man, she is useless.  Paula says the word compromise doesn’t belong in your vocabulary.  Very clever Paula.  Simon says, this week you were definitely the underdog, but all things considered, that was brilliant.

 

Dramadama is thrown onto the stage to chat it up with Ryan….he has very good posture.  He is singing ‘If I Can’t Have You’…..in the spotlight, center stage.  He’s kind of cry-screaming, with his scrunchy face.  And if I don’t look at him, this is very very good.  They show Paula….<dear Lord>…..pull yourself together woman!  Randy says you show us your range all the time, you are ready right now, he is a hot one tonight.  Kara says you’re brilliant.  Why does she enunciate every word so exactly….it’s a little snotty.  I can’t think of anything else I hate about her at this exact moment but if I do later, I’ll let you know.  She calls him a mix of SNL guy, Clark Kent and Elvis.  Great.  Paula tells us she has a visceral response to Drama singing.  Blah blah blah….I didn’t listen to anything else because I kind of cringed at the first part and then out of sheer trauma blocked everything else out.  Simon says it’s always something we weren’t expecting, original, memorable, vocals were immaculate.  Then Seacrest refers to Paula as a pool a Abdul.  HAHAHAHAHAHA.  That was actually funny Ryan.

 

Dumbo is singing now, the saved one.  He picked Stayin’ Alive, which Ryan calls a metaphor for his life.  Um.  No.  It’s not a metaphor….technically, “staying alive” would be your life.  Unless Ryan was trying to say, a metaphor for his Idol life….which is obviously what he was trying to say Heather you snob.  <shaking my head>.  It’s his Justin Timberlake impersonation and I always like it when he does this, with that cute little crooked hat.  A little hip.  And a little hop.  And a cute dimply smile.  I liked it, personally.  I thought it was pretty friggin good.  Randy says, check it out, didn’t like the song choice or the arrangement, but you can really sing.  Yeah….that’s why you saved him, Randy.  Remember?  Kara says you brought back the disco groove and whatever Randy said.  Paula says you pick songs like I bowl…..<blackout>………..Simon didn’t like it, he says you need to get yourself out of Idol Land.  Idol Land?  That sounds like a place I would like to visit….he said it was desperate, no originality, vocals weren’t great, sorry.  No you’re not.  You’re not sorry….but we’re sorry you apparently wasted that save.

 

Anoop de Loop Loop is singing last tonight.  He’s got a mustache, that’s cute.  He’s got a pink and grey suit and sweater vest on….he looks like a mouse.  I’m think to myself what the hell is the name of this song….but it was Dim The Lights….that wasn’t Ryan giving stage directions, that was the name of the song.  It’s kind of a boring song…..that’s all I can really say.  I’m done with the disco….my ears don’t work anymore.  Randy says he didn’t love the arrangement, but you can sing also, nice baby nice.  Kara says great song choice, sounded like it should be on the radio.  Paula says real men know how to wear pink…………<blackout>……………..and then I regained consciousness long enough to hear her say she thinks he has beautiful teeth…………<blackout>……………..Simon thought it was mediocre at best, it was a horrible version of the song, Anoop’s worst performance ever.  Seacrest invites everybody to vote for Pretty in Pink.  <chuckle>  Ryan is on fire. 

 

And apparently after all the complaining and juggling and time management classes, they actually figured out how to end a show on time.  YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY American Idol.

 

I think it’s Lil and Anoop.  But it could be Dumbo.

 

Later gators,

Heather

So Ryan walks out in a black suit and a ….<pause>….is that paisley?  Yeah, a paisley tie and gives us the opener – This…..is………American…………<wait for it>…………<and wait some more>………….Idol.  Tonight we get to hear Miley Cyrus and Jennifer Hudson.  We also get to end someone’s dream.  <clapping and cheering>  YAAAAAAAAAAAY!  Seacrest reminds us about the summer tour where we can see all the losers.  Randy is wearing lavender.  Huh.  Really Randy?  Lavender?  Kara is wearing purple too but manages to make it look garish and cheap like she makes everything else look.  Paula has another pretty boob shelf on and Simon….<shaking my head>…..is wearing his Wednesday shirt.  His hair is really starting to bother me. 

 

We start right in with the Ford music video horror show.  The kiddies are all magazine covers, singing to Freeze Frame.  A little creepy but not as bad as last week.  The group song this week is from the movie Flashdance….80’s movie classic…..and the song is Maniac.  I thought Kris was really good, but I’m starting to like him more and more.  The finale is just over a month away…..the Hubby isn't even here to appreciate that statement.  Drama is talking about Quentin and how he uses music in his movies….yes,yes….we get it…..the bloggers were in an uproar over why in the world Quentin Tarantino would be mentoring.  We also get another glimpse into the movie star lives the kiddies are leading now.  This week they apparently got to go the movie premiere for 17 Again, a Zac Ephron feel good all over pet a dog and save the planet movie.  They got to meet him.  Wow, he’s kind of an airhead, isn’t he?

 

Ok, so time for some results.  Red is safe, but I think we knew that.  Dramadama is safe and we definitely knew that.  Anoop is safe….oh wait, of course he’s not safe because America hates him.  Anoop is in the bottom three regardless of how well he did last night.

 

Jennifer Hudson is here to sing ‘If This Isn’t Love’ off her new album.  She looks good and it’s a pretty song, but I’m sorry to admit I fast forwarded through most of it.  Poor Anoop de Loop Loop, nobody likes you.  Simon thinks he deserves to be there….ouch!  The Cowell is not holding back any punches anymore.  Simon says Kris was brilliant, that’s who is waiting to hear the result next.  Lil is standing too….but Simon doesn’t say anything about her…..and of course it’s Lil.  She’s in the bottom.  Kris is absolutely adorable with that Kermit grin….is he really married?  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA….oooooo….starting to sound like Paula…..must slap myself back into reality.  Now we’re waiting to hear about Dumbo and Ironman.  Oh please.  This is a no-brainer.  The ears or the widow.  Please.  Danny is safe and Matt is in the bottom three….duuuuuuuuuuuh.  So it’s Anoop, Lil and Dumbo.  And of course then Ryan picks out one person to send back to the safe side of the stage, the one person they just wanted to point out was in the bottom three for no real reason except to give them a complex and that person is Anoop de Loop Loop.  Well good.  He did sing pretty well last night, after all.

 

Now it’s time to listen to Miss Hannah Montana.  The name Miley reminds me of Smiley.  And that’s all I can think of during this entire performance…..that and the fact that she is tiny.  And how old?  16?  She looks older here….kind of a nasally voice, but hey that's the country in her.  Smiley is a good performer at least, lots of energy.

 

Simon says there is one person he would consider saving….hmmmm…..I think he’s talking about Lil.  I think.  Time for the moment of truth according to Melodrama Ryan.  There were 36 million votes cast and Lil is safe.  Matt is the biggest loser and so now he has to sing.  I think it sounded better than last night but the judges are deliberating.  No chance they use the save on this guy….right?  No chance.  Simon says he doesn’t think Dumbo has a chance to win, and you can hear it coming….but guess what?  It’s good news.  WHAT?!?!?  What did he just say?  Am I going maaaaaaaaaaaaaaad?  Dumbo has been saved and Melodrama says….history has been made.  <cringe>  Really Ryan?  This moment will be recorded in the annals of time?  Really?  Ok, so time for the bad news – two kiddies are going home next week.  And the really bad news – next week is disco week.  <groan>  Great.

 

Later gators,

Heather

Only seven are left!  We’re getting closer and closer.  Here’s Ryan in a black suit and a polka dot tie.  Cute Ryan…very springy.  The theme this week is music from the movies.  Cool.  I’m a huge movie fan!  And the guest mentor this week is none other than……………….Quentin Tarantino!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  That’s awesome!  I love him!  He’s so creepy and such a fantastically amazing director.  And so creepy.  And tall.  And creepy.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.  The Hubby was trying to figure out during the whole show what he could possibly have to say about singing…and it wasn’t much, he basically commented on their performance and gave them advice on how to appeal to the audience.  Which makes sense….he’s a director.  Now Seacrest says hello to the band for like the first time ever….Ricky is in a suit, looking spiffy.  And here are our judges – Randy in a really grotesque blue, yellow and brown cardigan, Kara in a gray strapless number, Paula in her glitz and glamour, and Simon….<shaking my head>…..desperately needing a new do and wearing his Tuesday gray.  Simon points out that the show ran over last week because the girls were talking too much.  HAHAHAHA….I see.  That makes sense.  So because Kara and Paula babble too much, only two judges are going to get to comment on each kiddie tonight.  First Paula and Simon and then Randy and Kara.  So Simon doesn’t get to comment on everyone….this will be interesting.  Why not just get rid of Kara?  Wouldn’t that be what everybody prefers?  Seacrest tells all the teenagers in the audience who Quentin Tarantino is….<sigh>…..please, if you haven’t already, watch Reservoir Dogs.  Great movie.

 

So Red is the first up to sing tonight.  She picked “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” by Aerosmith.  I love this song.  She’s got a cute outfit on, although I don’t really get those shirt/dresses all the kids are wearing….I thought her performance was pretty good.  Lots of energy.  Katie Couric is in the audience.  And Steven Van Zant.  Paula tells her she possesses the same special sauce as Adam.  ?????  Simon is mumbling in the background that it’s barbecue sauce.  HAHAHAHAHAHA.  He can’t stand it when Paula tries to be clever.  Paula calls her remarkable and talented.  Simon thinks she’s the Girl’s only hope…and considering there are only two girls left….that’s saying a lot.  He thinks she’s getting better every week, more confident, you’re believing you could win and that could take you all the way to the end….hmmmm….maybe.  I don’t see a girl winning this year though.  But Simon loves this girl, I don’t think she has anything to worry about.

 

Anoop de Loop Loop is singing next.  He picked “Everything I Do, I Do For You” by Bryan Adams.  I LOVE this song.  I must have played it 8 billion times when it came out….over and over and over.  Love it.  But I can’t really picture Anoop singing it with the same effect as Bryan Adams….but he sounds great.  I mean really great.  That was really beautiful.  Randy says you’re rocking the house, really good job, congrats.  Kara says you’ve found your place with pop songs, one of your best performances, you made some good changes and I felt like you connected with the song.  Yeah, yeah.  But America hates you Anoop….not sure why…..but watch, he’ll probably be in the bottom three again.

 

Dramadama is singing in the middle of the pack this week.  He picked “Born to Be Wild”.  I am hopefully optimistic now…..now that he hasn’t butchered a song in a while.  He’s got a very Billy Idol look going on this week….back into his punk rocker style….black fingernail polish.  <sigh>  It sounded a little bad in parts, but he really mixed it up.  It was a fantastic performance and he does that rocker scream perfectly.  Paula is totally freaking out.  The audience is going nuts.  Then Paula says, the reason you’re shaking up this competition is you dare to dance in the path of greatness.  <shaking my head>  And then she says, fortune favors the brave.  Wow.  Really Paula?  Pull yourself together.  This is embarrassing.  Simon says please learn how to express yourself.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  British humor.   He said parts of it were very good and parts of it reminded him of the Rocky Horror Picture Show.  <chuckle>  Ok Simon.  He thinks it won’t be as popular as last week’s performance and I think he’s right.  But still, this kid is the front runner.  By far and away.

 

Dumbo is singing now.  He picked “Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman”, another song by Bryan Adams.  He’s at the piano for this one.  It’s a beautiful song…but he’s no Bryan Adams.  That’s too bad…I think he’s a lot better than this.  It sounds kind of off.  Randy says it started off kind of cool and the melody went away.  He says keep it simple, it wasn’t one of your best.  Kara said……I don’t know what the hell she is saying…..it’s all over the place.  Basically the same thing Randy said.  I think Dumbo is in trouble this week.

 

Ironman is up now.  He’s telling Ryan he bought a guitar and decided he wants to learn to play.  Ok.  Sounds like a good way to pass the time…He’s singing “Endless Love”.  <sigh>  With a harp?  <quizzical look>  Huh?  It’s kind of a boring song…but he’s a great singer.  I was kind of hoping for something else.  But he’s been singing to his wife all season so tonight won’t be any different.  Awwwwww…Paula calls it magic, unique and unforgettable.  Simon says we know you’re a brilliant singer, but he’s disappointed with the version.  He did acknowledge the song obviously meant a lot to Danny.  <smile>  Yeah.  This is the only sob story I’m still rooting for….

 

Chris with a K is next.  He picked “Falling Softly” from the movie Once.  I have no idea who sings it on the soundtrack.  And I haven’t seen the movie.  But it’s a pretty song….he decided to sing without his guitar.  I don’t know why….but I really like this.  It was soft and sad and beautiful.  Then Randy says it never caught on for him…pitchy from note one.  What?!?!  What are you listening to Randy?  He’s wrong.  Ignore him Kris.  Then Kara says, it’s difficult to pick an obscure song no one knows, but I thought that was one of your best moments ever.  HA.  Take that Randy.  And how about Kara for saying something meaningful that I actually listened to?  Right?  First time for everything, I guess.  Tell me they are not running out of time……how hard is it, really?....to stick to a schedule.

 

Last tonight is Lil.  The other girl.  The one no one (meaning Simon) thinks is going to win.  Come on girl.  I really want to see you do well.  She picked “The Rose”.  <sigh>  I’m not really into this song….I never have been.  Usually women with amazingly great voices sing it….which is probably the only reason I have listened to it in the past.  Lil decides to put a little gospel into the middle of it, which suits her.  A very pretty performance.  A very pretty last note.  Paula says it is one of the most beautiful songs, and Lil has been down a worthwhile road….there was a lot more to that….but I’m afraid my head will explode if I really try to listen to Miss Abdul too much.  And then Simon – he says I think you’re getting this completely wrong, it was too soft, too middle of the road.  Why is he so harsh on her?  Lil speaks up and says, I put my own spin on it, an R&B spin.  Simon remains unconvinced, he says you are not the singer we knew at the beginning of the competition.  Ouch.  She is in trouble.  No doubt.  I wonder what she did to piss him off so much….

 

But she may not be the next to go.  I think Dumbo is definitely in trouble too….and we already know that Anoop will be in the bottom three….because he’s always in the bottom three.  Could be any one of them.

 

Later gators,

Heather

 

p.s.  Speaking of movies....this one is practically writing itself.  If you haven't seen this clip from Britain's Got Talent, take a listen.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

 

 

It’s go-time.  The great eight will become the sweet seven.  And we’re getting closer and closer…..Here’s Ryan in a black suit, red tie.  Very nice, very nice.  Randy is wearing paisley, Kara is wearing purple, Paula is wearing ridiculous gloves, and Simon “Darth Vader” Cowell is wearing black.  Ok, first of all – cheers to Seacrest for referring to Simon as Darth Vader.  That is awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwesome.  Second….what the hell is wrong with Simon’s hair?  He looks like a nutter.  <smile>  p.s.  That is one of my new favorite words.  Ok, so the first filler of the night is more blabber on the year Simon was born….here’s a song from the year he was born – Venus.  Wow….really?  Mr. Frankie Avalon.  Guaranteed that 95% of the kids in this audience have no idea who he is….which is really unfortunate, because he’s actually there!  Wow.  He looks great.  But I have a feeling he took the same Dick Clark Fountain of Youth Sold My Soul to Satan elixir.  It is funny that he showed up because this is exactly what I needed to compare the Cowell’s hair to – a hair helmet.  It just looks really mashed down tonight for some reason…like he did it himself.  Simon says he thinks Ryan and Frankie look like twins.  Nope.  No, you’re wrong Simon.  It’s YOU and Frankie.

 

Time for the group song – Can’t Get You Out of My Head, from the year Idol was born.  I cannot stand this song….because you…..can’t……get it…..out…..of……AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.  Some behind the scenes of the Ford music video commercial brain-washing fiesta.  This week was super creepy because they were supposed to be doing some kind of vaudeville magic horror show thing.  <shiver>  I didn’t like the glitter on their faces…or the weird outfits.  They were likes clowns from Hell.  Not cool.

 

So since everybody missed Drama singing, I’ll post it to the blog.  They take some time now to let him respond to the judges standing ovation last night.  He says he was very honored.  Then they all get to say something since they didn’t have time to last night….Randy, Paula and Kara…..nothing worth repeating. 

 

Now it’s time for some results – Dramdama, Chris with a K and Anoop de Loop Loop, please stand up.  Drama is safe, but come ON….we already knew that.  Anoop de Loop Loop is in the bottom three and now I think it’s time to accept the fact that America doesn’t really like you….he’s been in the bottom three for about eight months now.

 

Time for some musical entertainment.  Flo Rider is singing You Spin Me Right Round….I don’t know if that is the actual name of his song, but it demos the Dead or Alive 80’s hit so heavily that it must be called the same thing, right?  He’s a big guy….got the whole pants hanging of his ass thing going on….hate that.  The song was ok.

 

More results – Danny is safe.  Dumbo is safe….and Ryan is a HUGE jerk by the way….he’s gonna gives those kids a coronary.  Scott is in the bottom 3 and we all kind of saw that coming….Now it’s down to the girls – Red or Lil.  Red is safe, of course.  Lil is in the bottom three.  Anoop, Lil and Scott.  Ok, that all makes sense.  Simon says, we would definitely consider saving a couple of the people, one in particular.  I assume he’s talking about Lil….cause I think he likes her.

 

More musical entertainment – it’s the Pickle!!  Holy cow, she looks amazing.  This song is a little annoying….and she’s not the best singer…..but she’s fun and you don’t really have to be an amazing singer to sing country.  Just be cute.  And fun.  And have a ridiculous accent. 

 

Back to the bottom three.  One of them is safe……it’s Lil.  Ok, and Ryan, don’t be so mean!  He says 34 million votes were called in and only 30,000 separated the bottom 2.  Uh oh.  Scott is the biggest loser this week….I am kind of surprised by that it’s not Anoopy….but not that surprised that it’s Scott.  And by the way, you’re all going to hell now for voting out a blind guy.  And now he has to sing – Dance Puppet, Dance!  No guitar, which is a good thing.  Bad falsetto….but the song was pretty good.  I don’t know.  Simon says it’s a split decision, 50/50.  I can’t see them using the Save this early….I really can’t.  Kara and Paula are all wishy washy which makes Simon nuts, so he decides by himself and says it’s a no.  The kiddies come over and hug him (remember he’s still on the summer tour) and Paula tells him he’s an inspiration to the entire world.  Because he’s blind….but she doesn’t want to point that out.  <sigh>

 

Later gators,

Heather

Top 8.  Another night, one more chance to gleefully crush someone’s dreams….YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!  Here’s Ryan looking very dapper in a gray suit and tie.  Tonight’s theme may be a fan favorite, but it's always a stinging reminder to me how ridiculously ancient I am – the kiddies are singing songs from the year they were born.  <frowny>  This gets worse every year.  Note to self – find a mechanism for reversing the effects of time and gravity after I get off work today.  The judges are already sitting because we have NO TIME for that stupid introduction thank goodness.  Only an hour tonight.  I can tell the Hubby is sensing the beginning of the end.  Instead of the normal intro, we get to see baby pics of the judges while Ryan reminds us what their names are – Randy “Hot Dawg” Jackson in his black country shirt, Kara “Hyperbole” DioGuardi in navy blue curtains, Paula “Where are my meds?” Abdul in a black and white cocktail dress, and Simon “Too good for a nickname” Cowell in his Tuesday shirt.  Simon’s baby pic was a little creepy by the way, looks like a devil child.  And Seacrest had the funniest buck teeth as a kid – Paula asks him if he ate a lot of carrots as a child because she thinks she’s very funny and clever.  <sigh>  Oh Paula.  So we need to get started immediately because like I said, we only have one hour, and Ryan informs us the first contestant to sing tonight will be the “oldest” one <stifling the urge to scream and pull my hair out> who is Ironman.

 

He was born in 1980.  It’s always nice to be reminded that I am too old to even participate in this competition, not that I would, but you know if I wanted to I couldn’t because I am not an 80’s baby.  I am the Crypt Keeper.  <whimper>  Ironman has picked a version of Stand By Me to sing tonight.  Love this song and I have all the faith in the world in him.  It’s a slower arrangement and then it picks up a little bit.  Sounds a lot like muzak.  He has a great voice but I hate this version.  Randy says he didn’t love the arrangement at first but Danny’s talent made him love it.  Kara said basically the same thing Randy said, eleven different ways.  Paula said you’ve set the bar very high, very amazing.  Simon said the beginning was good, the middle was lazy and the end was terrific.  Overall a very good performance.  And he said he doesn’t understand a thing Paula says.  HAHAHAHAHA.  I’m with you Cowell.

 

Next up is Chris with a K.  He was born in 1985.  Lord, why do you hate me?  He is singing All She Wants to do is Dance.  Great 80’s song.  I do love 80’s music, I really do.  Because I was born early enough to be a walking talking member of society in that decade.  I like this guy too, more than I did, but I don’t like this song.  He’s playing his guitar out in the audience.  It was ok.  Kara says I’m a big fan, glad you picked up the tempo, but that arrangement lost a lot of its youth.  Paula says she’s glad he changed it up, you’re one of the most likeable contestants.  Simon called it indulgent, boring and forgettable.  He said it was a stupid stupid song choice.  Randy said the arrangement was a little indulgent.  Randy don’t use Simon-Words.  He reminded Kris that he is in the competition, not the song.  Good point Randy  <rolling my eyes>. 

 

Lil is next and she was born in Big Brother Year.  Her mom does get a chance to explain that Lil’s name is Lil and it’s not short for anything.  Well it’s short for Lily which was her grandmother’s name or something, but that’s not her name.  Her name is Lil.  So Lil is singing Tina Turner’s What’s Love Got to do With It.  She’s dressed like Tina and she’s dancing like her and she’s singing with her accent.  It’s a great impersonation.  The beginning sounded a little flat, but her strong voice sounds amazing.  I thought it was pretty good.  Paula says you look very hot, this week it was important for you to prove who you are and you didn’t.  Simon says I think what she’s trying to say is we’re not looking for a 2^nd or 3^rd rate copy, we’ve lost you, no idea who you are, you’ve got to start making yourself original.  Randy says we all love you but it’s really real.  <pause>  I’m not making that up.  Kara said ‘artist’ and I tuned out.  Good for you Lil for smiling after all that because I thought they were a little harsh on you.

 

Anoop de Loop Loop is next.  He’s a Tarheel and he’s all excited about the NCAA Tourney, otherwise known as My Chance to Lose Money on a Worthless Bracket Tourney.  He apologizes to Kara for overreacting last week which I'm guessing wasn’t much of an overreaction since I have no clue what he’s talking about.  Anoop was born in 1986 and he’s an only child so that explains everything.  He is singing Cyndi Lauper’s True Colors.  I love this song and he’s doing a great job.  It’s very pretty.  He gave it a beat, a little tempo, and it was really good.  Randy says you pulled it back, very nice vocal, very controlled.  Kara says you controlled the song, it didn’t control you.  Whatever that means.  Paula said it was a flawless choice and you showed your true colors.  Ok Paula.  Simon called him a singing yo-yo, first you’re down and then you’re up.  I don’t think it was fantastic.  And then he said Anoop de Loop Loop doesn’t need to apologize for anything.  I agree.  Especially if it’s to Kara.

 

Scott is our next contestant.  He was born in 1985.  He is singing The Search is Over….with the electric guitar.  Huh?  Why?  This sounds like a musical or a movie soundtrack.  I don’t get it.  Of course he can sing but I think the stinkin’ judges pushed him away from his piano and it didn’t work at all.  Kara commends him for playing the guitar and then says she wouldn’t have done that.  It had some good and some bad parts.  Kara is too wishy washy…..but that’s good sweetheart, you don’t want to make the same mistake Paula did….she’s gonna burn in hell for criticizing a blind guy.  So Paula says she’s glad Scott stepped away from his piano, but doesn't get the guitar either.  Scott calls it his punk side.  <pause>  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Oh Scott, there is less than nothing punk about you.  Paula says, overall, it was brave.  Ok.  Simon suggests he go back to the piano and says the song was horrible, awful guitar, and a boring performance.  Then he gets to say Paula’s advice was wrong.  And that made him very very happy.  Randy says everything was just ok.  And then Scott says he wanted to show how versatile he is…..but you’re not Scott.  Snot.  Not at all.  Stick to what you’re good at.

 

Red is singing now and I want to beat my head into a wall.  1992!  92!  You were born in 1992!  I’m having an anxiety attack now.  She is singing I Can’t Make You Love Me by Bonnie Raitt.  What in the world is she wearing?  She looks like Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  I like her though and I really like this song.  Paula says what is great about you is we hear one note and know immediately it’s Allison.  Good Paula.  Glad you know who all the contestants are, that’s a relief.  Simon says it was very good, but we need to sort you which is British for make you more likeable.  Huh?  She is likeable!  What is he talking about?  Randy says you remind me of Kelly.  WHOA there Cowboy, let’s rein that mustang in a little.  He says she could sing her face off and so can you.  <pause>  <and a little more>  Sing your FACE OFF?!?!  What a horrific image…..thanks for the nightmares Randy.  He says you need to engage the public more.  Kara goes, whatever they said, let’s go make a record.  Here, here!

 

Dumbo is up next and was born in 1985.  He’s singing Part-Time Lovers by Stevie Wonder.  He’s got his Justin Timberlake hat on and this is the perfect song for him.  It’s pretty good, back to his bluesy and soulful singing.  He’s got some of the moves too….Randy says vocally, one of the best.  Kara says incredible, unbelievable.  Paula gives him a standing ovation.  And Simon says a million times better than last week, congrats.  And we’re rushing because we’re late, we’re late, we’re late. 

 

Dramadama is singing last tonight.  He was born in 1982.  I cannot wait to hear the debacle that is him….but he picked Mad World by Tears for Fears….and I love this song.  Love it.  And now I’m annoyed because Drama will inevitably make this awful for me.  Except he doesn’t, not even a little.  It is the perfect song for him.  He’s sitting in a chair, center stage, backlit for most of the song and it’s beautiful.  Just beautiful.  He changed it up a little, put some edge into it.  A fantastic falsetto.  And I am shocked to say I thought he was the best of the night.  <gritting my teeth>  What’s this?  Simon is talking first?  That never happens.  He say the bad news is we’re out of time [shocker], the good news is I’m the only one who’s gonna say anything [YAAAAAAAAAAAAY] but words aren’t really necessary.  I’m just gonna give you a standing ovation…<staring blanky at the TV, dumbstruck>.  This guy could win!  He really could!....<shaking my head>…..

 

So that’s it.  Your great eight.  I think Lil might be in trouble but she shouldn’t be….and I think Scott will be in trouble.  We’ll see.  Time to watch Fringe.

 

Later gators,

Heather

 

 

It’s go-time people.  Tonight is the vote-off show.  Ryan tells us that 36 million votes were cast.  He’s wearing a blue or black suit…I can’t tell in this lighting.  Lady Gaga and David Cook performing tonight.  Woohoo!  And here are the judges, already sitting down and ready to go.  Randy is wearing an olive green t-shirt, it says something but I can’t read it.  Kara….<sigh>…..moving on.  Paula is wearing lavender lingerie.  Ryan calls Simon ‘Lord Cowell’, he’s wearing another black shirt and jeans.   Paula blabs on about potential.  Simon thinks Anoop de Loop Loop, Dumbo and Paint By Numbers should be worried.  I agree….except about Dumbo.  I think he’s fine.  The Ford commercial is kind of cool, mix and match the kiddies.  Now the kiddies get to perform.  This is kind of funny, they’re singing a Journey song ‘Don’t Stop Believin’.  But it doesn’t seem like they’re singing it live….and then it does……and then it doesn’t.  Maybe because it sounds…kind of….good?  Is that why I am questioning this?  Maybe.  But it’s a great song and it sounded pretty good this week.  Of course they didn’t show one shot of Randy during the entire performance, so who knows what he thought.

 

Now it’s time for even more filler, Ryan segue ways into a blurb about what the kiddies do all week and how busy they are and how tough it is being treated like stars.  They are living the high life, with a chef that comes to the house and red carpet events and so on….nice.  Then after the blurb is over, the kiddies start doing impersonations of each other, which I didn’t think was as funny as they did.  But at least you can tell they all genuinely get along and like each other.  But enough fun, it’s time for the results.

 

Paint by Numbers, Dumbo and Chris with a K, stand up.  Go to stage right.  Then he tells Dramadama, Lil and Red to stand up and go center stage.  Then he tells Scott, Ironman and Anoop de Loop Loop to stand up and go stage left.  Who is safe?  Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo? 

 

We’re back from the inevitable 8,000 commercials and Cookie is singing.  He’s not singing live and apparently this was big news….but AI tried to make it look like he was singing live, even had Ryan interview him in the same suit he’s wearing tonight.  So he was singing his new single Come Back to Me, or something like that.  And it’s great.  I still like him.  I like that AI finally got more of a rocker idol.  I wouldn’t call all of his songs rock songs, but he’s got a nice rock voice.  Anyway, after he sings, Ryan presents him with his platinum record.  And that was kind of cool.

 

Back to the results.  Chris with a K is safe, obviously.  Ryan tells Dumbo to take a seat….on the safe side of the stage.  Ryan….you trickster.  Paint by Numbers is in the bottom 3 and she can pretend all she wants that she doesn’t care what Simon says about her, but you know she does.  Lil is safe.  Ok.  Red….is in the bottom 3.  What?  Really?  I thought Others were worse…that’s surprising.  Not put me into a wild rage of frustration surprise…just an, oh I didn’t see that coming surprise.  Drama is safe.  <sigh>  Fine.  Ironman is safe, of course.  Down to Anoop de Loop and Scott.  Randy thinks it’s probably Anoop.  Anoop thinks it’s probably Anoop.  And guess what?  It’s Anoop!

 

Time for the only live performance of the night – Lady Gaga.  Not a huge fan of hers, but it was an interesting performance to say the least, very entertaining.  Cool bubble piano.  She’s a little scary though.  She was singing Pokerface.

 

So it’s down to Paint by Numbers, Red and Anoop.  Simon says there is only one person there worth saving, and I assume he’s referring to Red because I think he likes her.  But Red is safe….and I kind of knew that.  Tattoo keeps bugging her eyes out in a really ridiculous way…like she thinks she’s being funny.  She must have been drinking Paula’s kool aid.  Megan is going home tonight.  Before she even sings, Simon tells her there’s no chance we’re using the save on you loser.  <chuckle>  Listen…..I know I should have listened to her sing that song again for journalistic integrity….but I just couldn’t do it.  The Hubby deleted the recording as soon as she started and I’m real glad.  She is kind of torture.

 

Next week is the great eight.

 

Later gators,

Heather

 

 

It’s the top 9 tonight people.  I hope you’re ready.  We still have a few people that need to get booted out before we’re down to the nitty gritty <ahem, Tattoo>.  Here’s Ryan in his snazzy suit of the week, black with a light blue shirt.  And here are your judges, announced onto the stage like royalty….actually, I don’t think royalty is announced…..anyway, Randy has a Freddy Kreuger striped cardigan sweater and an extra ginormous watch on.  What is up with all those beads he’s been wearing?  Kara is in a black dress with trashy dangly earrings.  Paula is in a red boob shelf and gawdy jewelry.  Simon needs a haircut and is wearing his steady black shirt and jeans.  If Kara talks about artistry again this show, I’m going to throw something at the TV….stop provoking her Ryan!  Simon says he’s looking forward to Seacrest being amazing….heeheeheehee.  Ok, so this week is the Contestant’s Choice….sort of.  They did limit them to the top downloads…whatever that means.  The kiddies got to go to Ryan’s radio show, Casey Casum's American Top 40.  That was some great self promotion there Seacrest…..glad you got to plug yourself some more.  <sigh>  I’m a little wary about tonight….the kiddies are notorious for making bad song choices, especially when you leave them entirely up to their own devices…..so this will probably either be a total train wreck or surprising….let’s get started.

 

Anoop de Loop Loop is singing first.  He picked an Usher song, I didn’t catch the name of it.  He wants to bring his energy back this week.  Good lord, what is he wearing?  Is that supposed to be like a Michael Jackson jacket?  This song doesn’t sound that great….weird song choice.  He’s making oogey looks into the camera, the green lights are making everything look freaky.  He thinks he’s way cooler than he is, I’m afraid.  Randy says you picked up your swagger, good vocals but not a good choice, he’s a little torn.  I have the sinking suspicion we’re going to get a lot of comments out of Randy about song choice tonight….Kara thinks he played it safe, she says it feels like a bunch of frat guys dared you to sing that song…..??????.....uhhhhhhh…..what!  Paula says she likes his playful side but you need to work on your stage presence.  Simon says forget what she just said, that was a complete and utter mess, you looked like a wannabe, it gave me a head ache….which the Hubby adamantly agreed with.  In the to and fro at the end, Anoop pointed out that their opinions are their opinions.  That’s what makes them….opinions…..huh…..Anoop, you fit in well here.  These are your people.

 

Tattoo is singing next.  The Hubby calls her Paint By Numbers….which is kind of hilarious.  First, it’s funny….and second….how about him for coming up with his own nickname!  She picked Turn Your Lights Down Low by Bob Marley…..and I really don’t have a good feeling about this at all.  You are no Lauryn Hill, honey.  She’s got some hippy braids, chains, a seafoam bustier and jeans on.  This is kind of painful.  I kind of want this to be over right now.  Kara says I really like you but I think you’re in trouble, bad song choice, no falsetto, irritating.  Paula says at this stage of the competition you really need to dig deep and surprise us….and then some other blubbery that I didn’t understand.  Simon said the song was boring, indulgent, monotone, nobody’s gonna like that, it wasn’t you.  Randy says it was like watching paint dry (Paint By Numbers!), that took forever.  <chuckle>  Man she’s annoying.  She should have gone home last week…..

 

Ironman is singing third tonight.  He picked Rascal Flatts, What Hurts the Most.  Oh.  Oh my.  Of course I know this song, because I like country.  And of course I probably don’t need to remind you, but he’s the widow.  The rather recent widow.  He singing behind a mic stand with a violin accompaniment and a spotlight.  This is fantastic.  And then he belts out part of the chorus – Please come back to me!  Ohhhhhhhh….hold it together, Heather.  Holy cow.  That was emotional.  Wonderful, wonderful performance.  Paula said she would definitely hit repeat if she was in her car….are you sure you’re not in your car, Paula?  You never know.  Simon said it was the best performance so far, compared to the first two it was like two snails against a racehorse.  Where does he come up with these brain images?  Randy says the show just started tonight, keep it rocking.  Kara says you moved everyone emotionally, gave your heart and soul.  Oh Danny boy.  Loved it.

 

Red is singing next, with her guitar.  Has she played the guitar before?  I’m thinking no.  She picked Don’t Speak….by No Doubt…..because that’s what she grew up listening to.  Ohhhhhhhhhhh….we know you’re 16 sweetheart, there is really no need to rub it in my face.  I don’t think I would have picked a Gwen Stefani song…..but whatever, it was pretty good.  She was a little clumsy with the guitar.  But pretty good.  Randy said vocally it was great, you were rushing a little, but what are you wearing?  HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA…no kidding….it’s an incredibly weird dress….I don’t even know how to describe it.  Kind of punk and her hair is all spikey.  Kara says the rock in you comes out of you, it doesn’t matter what you wear, a good performance but not your best.  Paula says glad to see your axe…..<pause>……really Paula?  Trying to sound hip now?  She blabbed about something and then said something like she’s going to the finish line.  Simon called it an Addams Family outfit.  Heeheehee….slightly precocious, like a little girl dressing up as a rock star….then he said <chuckle> it was ‘dressy uppy’.  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Is that British for dress-up?  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  He thinks she shouted the song.  She’s adorable.  There’s no chance she’s going home before Tattoo….especially if that Confiker worm gets votefortheworst…..pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease <crossing my fingers>.

 

Scott is singing Billy Joel, Just the Way You Are.  This is not a surprise at all.  He says it’s just me and the piano, a stripped down version.  This is how he decides to be ‘risky’.  Um.  Ok.  The song is beautiful, as usual.  He’s got a weird new hairdo.  I’m kind of bored with Scott.  It was very pretty piano playing and very pretty singing….but…..I don’t know.  I think he’ll sell a million easy listening CDs….and maybe that’s just it.  Not my kind of music.  Kara said you’ve made great decisions for a blind guy, that was the perfect song for a blind guy, moving performance since you can’t see, very honest.  <sigh>….Then, get this, Paula says she’s most proud of you, nothing to do with your challenge <CHALLENGE?>, it has to do with the fact that when you sing I forget about your challenge.  Ok.  There are so many things wrong with that statement….I don’t even know where to begin.  It’s not a challenge, Paula.  It’s blindness….and it’s ok to call it that.  Second of all….how can you possibly convince us that his singing makes you forget he’s blind…..WHEN YOU’RE POINTING IT OUT RIGHT NOW!!!  You twit.  Anyway, Simon thinks it was his best performance by a country mile, glad he didn’t listen to Paula and get rid of the piano.  Randy called it one of the best tonight.  He may be right….and Scott may be here for a few more weeks….but I don’t think he should win.

 

Dumbo is singing next and I hope he does really well.  Those vote results last week were ridiculous.  You suck America.  He picked….You Found Me, by The Fray.  And maybe this is what the kids are listening to these days….unfortunately, I’m not sure if I have heard this song before or not.  It sounds kind of familiar, but I can definitely say I have no idea who this band is…..Dumbo is playing the keyboard out in the audience, which is different.  The beginning was kind of awful, but when he gets into the meat of the song, he’s great.  I think the kids will really dig that.  Paula appreciates his song choice, but she says you aborted the stuff we love about you.  Aborted?  Really, Paula?  She didn’t think it was a great performance.  Simon didn’t get it at all, he says it was very put on, very uptight, not a commercial song (I think he’s wrong about that), this was uncomfortable (I think he’s wrong about that too).  Randy says he needs to sing some Justin Timberlake, or One Republic (Apologize, one of my most favorite songs EVER).  Kara thinks he needs to commit to the R&B or rock side of pop, but she also thinks he doesn’t deserve to go home.  Me either!

 

Lil is after Dumbo and she thought long and hard about her song this week and settled on Celine Dion – I Surrender.  Wow.  Really?  Wow.  She looks amazing, by the way.  And you know what….she sounds good….but it’s not Celine.  <pause>  Nevermind.  She just let the voice loose…..and it gave me chills.  Wow.  She kind of crushed that.  Randy, of course, said he wouldn’t have chosen that song, but you sang it really well.  Nice.  Nice passive aggressive compliment there, dawg.  Kara, of course, would have picked a different song too, but she was also surprised how well it sounded.  She called it effortless.  Paula says you can sing, blah blah blah..,,she is having a lot of trouble sounding coherent tonight…. Simon says you were singing to stay in the competition and that’s no good.  He called it a wedding performance, and then HE picked the songs she should have sang…..Seacrest talks to her kids.  She apparently has twin girls...maybe they're not twins, maybe it was just easier to dress them up in the same outfit.  He asks them if they want to beat up Randy, one says no, the other says yes.  <chuckle>  So Randy grabs her up in a big grandpoppa bear hug…..and here’s more of that kid kryptonite.  Lil is crying.  The kid is absolutely adorable.  And they just made up for all the negative stuff they said about her…..nobody votes against cute kids.  Nobody.

 

Dramadama is singing weirdly close to the end of the night.  He’s not last….but almost.  He is singing Wild Cherries – “Play That Funky Music”…..oh man.  I can’t wait to hear how he’s going to butcher this song.  I am always prepared for that now….last week was a nice surprise…..but I can’t let this weirdo lull me into a false sense of security.  He’s got his hair slicked back again….and lucky for him it seems to sound totally different from the original, so at least you can’t compare him.  Lots of kooky dancing, lots of screaming.  That Elvis look can only get you so far, Drama.  Did I ever like this guy?  I can’t really remember.  I don’t like him now though.  It’s too much of an act.  Paula says true genius shatters expectations, then she compares him to Mick Jagger and Steven Tyler and I just choked on my cocoa.  What the HELL is she on?  Don’t drink the kool-aid Simon!  The Cowell says it was original, a brave choice, not going to make you as popular as last week but that really doesn’t matter now.  Because I'm going to die after accidentally drinking some of Paula's Coke.  Randy says he was afraid it was gonna be corny, but you worked it out.  Drama does give props to Ricky and the Band.  Very nice.  Kara says she can’t wait to see what’s next, it was like she was at Studio 57…..which was not yet another Kara speaking snafu….there really is a Studio 57.  It’s in London.  This is America, Kara.  Nobody gets British references here….come on.

 

Last to sing tonight is Chris with a K.  He picked Ain’t No Sunshine, which is a great song.  He wants to make it his own.  He wants to make it memorable.  Thanks for totally building up our expectations buddy.  You better bring it now.  He’s playing the piano….with a string quartet.  It’s quiet, and kind of eerily beautiful.  In fact….I didn’t write anything during his whole performance.  I was mesmerized.  He’s adorable….but no Kermit quirkiness in this one….just some heartfelt emotion coming out of him.  Like Danny….I think the audience really got this one.  Very beautiful.  Randy says you have been slaying it, lovin’ you.  Kara says, I have three words for you, that was artistry.  Someone’s been practicing their numbers!  But more of the arty art art.  <sigh>  If I had something to throw at the TV, I would.  But I need this pen right now.  Paula said you took a thirty year old song and made it like I was hearing it for the first time.  He’s married Paula, calm down.  Simon said, this is what I was talking about.  You showed some confidence, wow did he!  It was a cool arrangement, your best so far.  I agree.  This guy is golden.

 

The biggest losers this week are completely obvious to me – Anoop de Loop Loop and Paint By Numbers.  If Tattoo doesn’t go home this week, I will be very disappointed.  Come on America.  Get it together.

 

Later gators,

Heather

It’s go time.  Time for this week’s loser to pack their bags.  Time for lots of filler in a one hour show for thirty seconds of information.  WOOHOO!  Ryan asks, whose dream is on the line?  Tattoo’s.  That’s my guess.  The more I think about it, the more I think she needs to go.  Seacrest looks like a politician tonight in that suit.  He says 36 million votes were cast.  The most this season, and the most for a top ten.  Congrats America, the Idol is sucking the will right out of your body.  Ryan runs through the line-up tonight – Ruben Studdard, Joss Stone and Smokey, and Stevie Wonder.  The entertainment sounds awesome!  And here are our judges – Randy in some wacky t-shirt, Kara in some lacey strappy thing, Paula in a metallic boob shelf sans the marker moustache, and Simon in steady white.  Then we get the recap of last night.  And then we get the group song, which was a medley of Motown hits.  Then we get the Ford Music video which was to ‘Pocket Full of Sunshine’ and thanks to that song being played to exhaustion my brain hurts now when I listen to it and so forwarded through that.

 

Ruben Studdard is singing first and he is still just as cute, like a big cuddly teddy bear.  He’d make a great Santa Claus.  He sounds pretty good…..but honestly…..I think there are a few boys on this season that could have outsung him.  Outsung?  How do you like my new language?  I make it up in my spare time.  It’s dumbulary.  As in dumb vocabulary.  <sigh>  It depresses me sometimes to think how much I paid for my college education…..

 

On with the results – Dramadama is safe.  Dumbo is……in the bottom three!!!  WHAT?!?!?!  Wha wha whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!!!!  Chris with a K isssssssssss safe….and of course Ryan fools this kid every week and it’s just precious.  So now it’s between Roughneck and Lil.  Lil is safe.  The Roughneck is in the bottom three.  Ok.  I can understand that.  After Simon’s comments yesterday, I’m surprised he even showed up again.

 

More singing.  Joss Stone and Smokey.  This sounds nice…they don’t harmonize super great together, but it’s nice.  It’s also kind of a romantic song for such an odd couple….how old is he?  I’ll tell you how old he is…because I was curious, I looked it up on wiki – he’s 69.  Wow. 

 

Back to the results.  Red is safe.  Of course she is….come on.  Anoop de Loop Loop is safe….huh, he really dodged a bullet a few weeks back, huh?  Ironman is safe.  Of COURSE he is.  So it’s between Scott and Tattoo, and I think this is a no-brainer but what’s this?  What is this?  Ryan is leading Scott over to the loser side of the stage?  Because he’s in the bottom three.  What the hell is going on?  I immediately blame votefortheworst…..how in the holy hell is that girl not in the bottom three?  That is just nuts.  Randy doesn’t think Dumbo should be in the loser trio, and I agree.  He has sang very well for a while now.  One of them is safe right off the bat, and it’s Scott.  So Seacrest leads him back to the winner side of the stage.  Then Simon explains the judge’s save in his usual callous way and makes it clear that for either of them, the save will depend solely on how they sing tonight.

 

But before we get to that, it’s time to hear Mr. Stevie Wonder sing a Motown Medley.  He is quite amazing.  Sounds incredible.  All the judges are singing.  And dancing.  Except for Simon.  Hahahahahahaha.  They don’t even let Dumbo and Roughneck sit with the group during this, they have been banished to Exile Island.

 

So anyway, time to find out the results.  Here’s the thirty seconds of info we need.  Dumbo is safe.  The Roughneck has to sing for his life.  And he does….boy does he give it his all….and he even said before he started, “I can’t believe I have to sing after Stevie Wonder!”  <chuckle>  Right?  That’s nuts.  The judges can’t decide.  Apparently the girls thought his performance was good enough….but Simon tries to put Paula on the spot, but she gets whiny and he gets annoyed….and since it has to be a unanimous decision, he says – it’s a no.  You’re fired.  <frowny>  That’s too bad.  I’m not complaining, because I knew there was a chance he could go….but that’s too bad.  I like this guy.  But he’s on the summer tour and now he gets to go home to the family.  Ryan calls him a class act.  Yes, yes. 

 

Thanks to the judges.  Thanks to Ricky and the Band.  Thanks to you.  And thanks to Xavier for killing my chances in the office pool.  They were my upset pick and they just upset me.....

 

Later gators,

Heather

 

 

Tonight we get to hear the top 10 singers.  These are the kiddies that are going to be on tour this summer….so I hope you enjoy all of them.  Honestly, I think compared to seasons past, this is the most talented group of 10 they’ve ever had.  It’s the 50^th anniversary of Motown this year…I think that’s what Ryan said, so tonight the kiddies are singing Motown hits.  The Hubby was relieved to hear this.  Ryan is in yet another spiffy GQ outfit.  And here are your judges, being announced on to the stage like they’re a basketball team or something….Randy has some weird pastel striped cardigan thing on.  Kara is wearing a blue dress that I’m sure was very expensive…but I don’t like it.  Paula is bejeweled, bedazzled and bewildered.  And Simon, dear Simon, got all dolled up in a black shirt and jeans.  As they’re walking around shaking everybody’s hands, I notice Paula seems to be wearing a tutu skirt.  Which is hi-larious.  Dance Puppet!  Dance!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Seacrest asks the judges what should happen this week and Paula says the kiddies need to challenge themselves and surprise the judges.  Ryan says, you’re looking forward to this Simon, right?  And Simon goes, I wouldn’t say I’m looking forward to it….<heehee>….now here’s a quick introduction to Motown for all you babies out there who don’t know who Gladys Knight, the Temptations or the Jackson Five are…..<sigh>.  The kiddies got to go to Hitsville, USA to meet Berry Gordy and Smokey Robinson and get a tour of studio A.  That was kind of cool.  Smokey is their mentor this week.

 

Dumbo is singing first.  I like this guy a lot more than I used to….he’s singing ‘Let’s Get It On’, a great Marvin Gaye tune.  He’s playing the piano and Smokey loved it.  He plays a few bars and then gets up and sings with the mic.  Those are some super tight jeans….with a Mr. Rogers cardigan.  It’s a great song choice for him, very nice.  Very soulful.  Randy says you have come up so far, and now you’re challenging the front runners of the competition.  Kara says a lot of girls are watching this going YaaaYa.  <rolling my eyes>  She likes that he went away from the piano, it was solid.  Paula says you have a sexy, cool vibe.  Simon says it was a cool performance, exactly what you should be doing, he mentions that Randy repeated what he said last week <chuckle>….can you spell ‘pompous’?

 

Ryan says you can download the performances on iTunes….the Hubby suggests you download the originals….

 

Chris with a K is singing second.  He picked ‘How Sweet It Is’, with his guitar.  Smokey was blown away…he said, My Goodness.  He’s a good singer, and cute.  I think he could do a killer Kermit the Frog impression.  I really liked the beginning of the song.  Kara says you did your own version, different phrasing and melody and blah blah blah.  Everything was right.  Paula says you have a comfort level now on stage, I love you and let’s go to bed.  <pause>  That’s a joke, she didn’t really say that….I was just translating all the gobbledygook that came out of her mouth.  Simon says you’re having a good competition, but you need some more swagger, you’ve got to be conceited to be a rock star.  Randy says keep it in the zone, all good….oh Randy…..does anyone ever really understand you?

 

Scott is singing next.  Oh.  Um.  Who dressed you?  Wow….that’s a scary looking outfit.  Pink and brown and different patterns…and yuck.  He’s singing You Can’t Hurry Love.  Smokey thinks he brought the song up to date…and obviously didn’t want to say anything bad about him.  He has such a pretty voice, very good piano playing.  Strong, good, solid performance.  And kind of boring.  As usual.  Paula says you brought something different, obviously wanting some positive karma points to make up for criticizing a blind guy last week.  She says when you feel it, the audience feels it.  Simon says…how much more could we take?  Hahahahaha…he called it honky tonk piano.  <quizzical look>  He says it was completely the wrong song, a bit cheap, you keep choosing the wrong songs.  I’ve heard that same performance a million billion times.  Really Simon?  A million Billion?  Randy called it a hotel performance, you’re a better singer than that.  Kara says, I disagree…I like blind people.  You brought tempo…and blindness….but when you take liberties with the melody, you need to nail it and you didn’t.  Paula gets annoyed with Simon and gives him some crayons and a coloring book that she just happened to be hiding under the table.  Okey dokey…a little corny, but kind of funny.  Before we go to commercial, Scott apologizes for the pink pants, he says they just told him about ten minutes before the performance that they were pink…Hahahahahaha….I like that he has a sense of humor.

 

Tattoo is singing now and I am really over this girl.  She picked ‘For Once In My Life’ by Stevie Wonder.  Smokey called her different and refreshing…which I think means ‘bad’.  She’s got some kooky island dress on…and she’s off.  Off key, out of tune and kind of screamy.  And she’s doing the ridiculous shuffle dance thing again which really annoys me.  I didn’t like it.  At all.  Randy liked her outfit, but he says the song was a train wreck.  Thank goodness we agree Randy.  He says it was rushed and hectic.  Kara thinks she should have sang My Guy….I don’t think that would have helped Kara.  She says there were some bad notes, it was not the Megan we are used to.  Paula says you are stunningly beautiful, but it was not the right song, you didn’t find the pocket.  That’s musician code for you suck.  Simon says you do look good, but it was a horrible song, you are in serious trouble….and you know what was really interesting about this?  Nobody in the audience is booing him for being so mean…..not a good sign honey.  The Hubby wishes Seacrest would ask her how drunk she really was when she got those tattoos.  Hahahahahahaha….

 

Anoop de Loop Loop is singing for us now and he picked Ooo Baby Baby.  Smokey really liked his rehearsal, he says don’t change a thing.  This song is really hard to sing.  I don’t like the High School Musical outfit though…it was pretty good, he missed a few notes…but you know what….it was pretty good.  Kara says this is one of the most beautiful songs and one of the most difficult to sing and overall it was really good.  You can really sing.  Paula says you need more confidence, but the phrasing and falsetto were spot on and sweet.  Simon says it was a great vocal but you looked sleepy.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  You looked like you were in a musical.  Thank You!  That’s what I thought!  He says you need some balance between serious and energy to become a recording artist.  Randy says he should change it up next week, bring some more energy.

 

Now it’s time to listen to the Roughneck.  He didn’t get to go to Detroit because he was sick….like me right now…..ugh.  He picked ‘Ain’t Too Proud to Beg’.  Great song, and I think a really good choice for him.  He wants to show some soul roots.  Smokey says he needs to power it up a bit.  It’s a fun performance and he got really into it.  I like him and I think America still does too.  Paula says that was a tough performance, kind of Las Vegas loungey….wow, Paula!  She sounds like she’s gonna cry saying this stuff.  It’s hard being mean, isn’t it Paula.  You can just feel those karma points slipping away.  Simon says he couldn’t wait for it to end.  Then he said, you’re taking part in this competition but you have no chance of winning.  WOW!  You’re just not good enough, below par.  OUCH!  Randy says it’s an unbelievable song, but it may have been a little too big for you, you made it a little bit corny.  Kara says we’re looking for artistry from an artist who likes to make art.  Art.  Arty.  Art.  <sigh>  Man, I hate her.  Seacrest tries to put Roughneck on the spot after getting told that he sucks basically, and this guy handles it with a ton of grace.  I like to sang (southern twang for sing).  A goofy grin and positive attitude might have been enough to move you on to the next round, Roughneck.  You are quite endearing….

 

Lil is singing next and she picked ‘Heat Wave’.  Smokey says she could sing the phone book….oh Smokey….stealing Paula’s favorite line now?  She got to talk to him about the history of Hitsville and how much it meant for her to see how far they came….she’s in a Dream Girls outfit, obviously a tribute to Motown.  That was a power performance, but you know what….it didn’t sound like her best.  She may cry after singing that though, she put a ton of energy into it.  Randy says you have mad crazy vocals, but the front of the song was kind of torture.  Really Randy?  Kind of torture?  That’s one of those words that you can’t really minimize with ‘kind of’.  It’s like being ‘kind of’ dead.  Kara says you look great, gotta say you were the diva this week, this was your wheelhouse, but I don’t think you nailed it.  You were screaming parts and you should never have to do that.  Paula says, I disagree completely.  It was like I was hearing a classic song for the first time.  Well put Paula.  Simon said it was obviously an authentic tribute performance, but I wouldn’t have picked that song.  I don’t think you had a ‘moment’…and I am waiting for you to have a ‘moment’.  You’re one of the best singers and you need to have a ‘moment’.

 

Dramadama is singing now and I am not looking forward to however he is going to butcher this song.  Chop it up and throw acid on it, stomp on it a little, set it on fire and throw the ashes into the river.  Let’s just get this over with.  He picked Tracks of My Tears, which is a Smokey song and he has never heard it sung that way…shocker.  It’s a quiet performance.  Drama has a slick Swingers look going on, hair combed back, Motown suit.  He sang the sung unplugged, mostly in a falsetto and for him…I thought it was pretty good.  Maybe because I was expecting it to be kind of torture….<evil grin>….the Hubby hated it, by the way.  He loves Motown music and he made me stop the DVR and listen to the Smokey version on Youtube just to remind me what it could sound like….I’ll have to add it to the blog here, because it really shows how not great Drama’s performance was….but in the light of the stage and the energy of the night, he may have pulled it off.  Smokey gave him a standing ovation, so did Kara.  She says it was one of the best performances of the night.  She also said that ‘one of the best performances of the night’ was six words.  Oh Kara…..try not to count too much, m’kay?  Paula says you are completely in your own league, a good look, you have an element of surprise about you, you are exciting.  Simon says it was The Best Performance of the Night.  Really?  Wow….you have originality, this showed off a brilliant songwriter (giving props to Smokey).  You have emerged as a star, congratulations.  Randy says tonight you showed you can sing tender moments, unbelievably hot, the bomb. 

 

Ironman is not singing last tonight…huh…..he picked ‘Get Ready’.  Smokey gave him some advice about the song, but I’m not sure he took it.  He’s such a dorky dancer, but that smile just makes you want to smile too.  YEAH!!  Wonderful!  Energy out the wazoo!  Paula says undeniable, identifiable, reliable.  Nice Paula.  Someone must be writing these for you in advance.  Simon thought it was clumsy and amateurish…..really?  What is wrong with him tonight…..we’re not agreeing on everything…..Randy says you remind me of great singers, it wasn’t your best but you have a lot of energy.  Kara says it was good, not great, but I’m still a huge fan.  They have to rush through these comments because they’re running behind.  How you do that on a two hour show, I have no idea….

 

Closing out the show is Red.  The youngin’.  She picked ‘Poppa Was a Rolling Stone’….great choice.  Smokey thinks she put herself into the song….which I think is a good thing.  This performance is fan friggin tastic.  She has the perfect voice for this, a LOT of energy, great stage presence, right on.  Randy says you are the dopest singer, blazin’ hot.  Kara said Oh.  My.  God.  Amazing.  That is from God.  Thanks for that Hyperbole.  I was waiting for you to be ridiculously exaggerated.  Simon wrote on Paula’s face with a marker.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…. He drew a moustache on her…..in black marker…..I’m sorry I have no idea what she said because I can’t stop laughing and he can’t stop laughing…..he said you are a survivor, your best performance ever. 

 

I think it’s going to be Tattoo going home.  It might be Scott or the Roughneck in the bottom three too….but it better be Tattoo going home and there’s no chance they’re gonna save her if she has to sing that same song again….

 

Seacrest did have enough time to ask Berry and Smokey what they thought of the night and they were impressed and happy and glad they don’t have to pick the winner and then Ryan rushes us off….

 

More basketball on tonight.  Good luck with your brackets....for those of you not in my pool.....<grin>.

 

Later gators,

Heather

It’s go time people.  Go time for the March Madness…which starts today.  And go time for another contestant in the most amazing show on earth.  Here’s Seacrest in a slate gray suit and gray tie.  He says the results may shock us…..I doubt it Ryan.  I’ve got a pretty good record so far.  31 million people voted…and the group is generating a lot of buzz.  Welcome judges.  Randy is wearing a weird scarf.  Kara is wearing some pseudo leopard type print thing.  Paula has a black boob hoist on with chiffon shoulders.  And Callow has a white t shirt on….when did Simon get so buff, by the way?  He looks like a totally different person from when this show started.  Seacrest explains the Judge’s Save again….which I doubt they would use so early in the season regardless of who was put up there.  We get a recap of last night, in case you were too drunk to watch it.  And then the kiddies sing their group song.  Didn’t listen to it…..didn’t need to.

 

The Ford music video disaster show is up next.  The kiddies are throwing water balloons at each other.  So Seacrest throws one at Simon on stage…..well….near Simon.  He apparently ended up hitting someone in the audience.  Which is pretty hysterical.  Then they show us some more filler of the extended deleted scenes from last week, after the show.  Lots of crying and we’ll miss you and you’re great and blah blah blah.  After the break Ryan is talking to the kiddies about various things and starts chatting with Roughneck about how hard it is to be away from family.  And the guy, this big brute of a guy, is literally shaking (his voice and his hands) when he recalls his 3 year old turning to him last week and asking Daddy why he didn’t want to be around her anymore….oh dear Jesus up in heaven.  He really shouldn’t be allowed to tell these stories….because I think it puts everybody else at a disadvantage….it’s that kid kryptonite.  The Hubby suggests they vote off six people tonight and six people next week…to which I pointed out that there are only 11 people left on the show….to which he replied, And?  That Kara person needs to go too.  <chuckle>  Point taken, sweetheart. 

 

So now it’s time for the results and I’ve got the pattern down.  Everybody is safe in the row except for the last two and it’s between those two.  So Ironman stands up first and….he is safe.  Of course he is.  Come on.  Lil is safe and she literally shrieks with delight about being on the tour, I guess.  <pause>  Lil….you need to jump back into the reality pool where everybody and their brother knows you’re an amazing singer.  Stop making us feel stupid by acting so surprised.  Anoop…………………..is……………………………safe.  The only tell-tale sign that you’re safe is that Ryan tries to make the announcement dramatic.  So it’s between Red and the Roughneck.  I think the Roughneck must be safe….and I’m right.  Red has to sit in one of the Loser Stools and wait to find out if she’s going home.  And then Ryan says something very very confusing….Roughneck has to sit in one of the Loser Stools too.  <pause>  HUH?  What the hell?!?!?

 

After the break, Brad Paisley is singing….and the Hubby didn’t even ask.  He grabbed the remote, forwarded through the entire song, sighed and said, that was close.  I have no idea what he was talking about…..but Brad Paisley is not one of my favorite country singers, so I didn’t mind missing him.  Scott is safe….because he’s blind.  Tattoo is safe even though she is still highly contagious.  Dumbo is safe….but after the Simon Cowell Stamp of Approval, that is no surprise.  Chris with a K is safe, but everybody knew that the kkkkkkkid is kkkkkkkinda kkkkkkute enough to be voted in and on through to the later rounds.  So the last of the bottom three spots belongs to either Dolly or Dramadama.  I hope it’s Drama.  Simon said his song was even worse when he listened to it again after the show.  But it’s not him…..it’s Dolly.  DAMNIT.  So one out of the three of them is safe and can sit back down on the non-loser side of the stage.  That person is…..Red.  Good for you honey. 

 

After the break it’s the fantastic Miss Carrie Underwood singing a duet with Randy Travis.  The Hubby agreed to watch this….thank goodness Miss Carrie is so pretty….And of course she sounds wonderful.  The song is called I Told You So….and it wasn’t so much a duet as it was Carrie singing the whole thing while Randy played the guitar.  Still…..very pretty.

 

After that, we have the bottom two.  Roughneck is safe and then Simon says to Dolly, you were the one we would have saved, so now it depends on this song.  No pressure.  If they say no now, which I think they’re gonna do, that is like the cruelest thing ever.  <giggle>  Awesome.  So she sings Jolene again, and it was better than last night but still not all that great.  She’s done and Simon says………not good enough.  Oh….that HAD to hurt.  Dolly is a little more gracious about the losing than Disney was, but still you can see the disappointment all over her face.

 

So that’s it for tonight.  Good luck in your respective basketball pools, unless you’re in mine, in which case I hope were lucky enough to pick all the losing teams.  Too bad there isn’t a prize for that as well. 

 

Later players,

Heather

 

Go Musketeers!  How can you not root for the Blue Blob.

The Terps are in the tourney…at a 10 seed no less.  The Caps are back in the swing of things.  That’s the update from Sports Land.  <smile>  Seacrest is in yet another spiffy looking suit.  Polka dot tie.  St. Patty’s Day theme tonight, ya think?  Hahahaha….doubt it.  The announcer announces the judges again…I think that’s a little too much, don’t you?  Randy in his black cardigan sweater.  Hello Kara, the 70’s called, they want that disco dress back.  Paula is in another cleavage shelf.  And Simon has a very comfy looking white shirt on.  That really is a ridiculous entrance for everybody…whose idea was that, I wonder.  Time for my Idol fix, yes indeed.  Ryan suggests we imbibe a few pints to really enjoy the show….good thing the Hubby has already taken that suggestion.  <snicker>  OOoooooOOOOoooo, this is Country Week!!  Love it.  Seacrest points out how much Simon hates country.  If the kiddies make it to the top 10, they get to sing on the summer tour, so this week is a big deal for everybody.  Make sure you vote.  Yeah, yeah.  Here’s an introduction to country music and the Grand Ole Opry…for the youngins’ who have no idea what that is.  Miss Carrie Underwood is a member of the Opry….awwwww….she was very excited about that.  Randy Travis is the kiddies’ mentor this week.  He’s classic.  Randy Travis is impressed with the kiddies….well he should be.

 

The Roughneck is up first.  Randy likes him.  He’s singing Ain’t Going Down Till The Sun Comes Up.  It’s a very wordy song….I have my fingers crossed.  He’s got a harmonica guy playing with him which was neat.  He’s got a great country voice.  It’s a fun song, but he’s not singing a whole lot of it….mostly seems like melodic talking.  But he’s got the audience going and that’s important.  A good country yawlp at the end of the whole thing….Randy thinks it was a cool song choice, but it didn’t show a lot of your vocal capabilities….and he’s right but this country.....come on.  Kara says we got to see a lot of your personality, but she missed the big notes.  She’s impressed that he remembered all the words.  The Roughneck says country music is about having some fun.  Paula says it’s a great song and she had fun, she thinks country suits him…I translated that from all her blathering.  Simon couldn’t understand any of it….a bit clumsy, but you came over as a country singer who’s a likeable guy and kind of karaoke.  Roughneck says if we were all perfect, we wouldn’t need this show.  Snap!  Simon gives it a 1.2 out of 10.  Ouch!  Come ON Simon…we like him.  Be nice.

 

Red is singing Blame It On the Heart after the break.  Randy is impressed that her voice is so mature, but he didn’t like her dancing.  HAhahahahaha.  Cool leather jacket on and she’s all dolled up.  I think she looks great.  And I think this sounds pretty great too!  I like her, she’s fun.  I just want to smack Kara with that dress on…Kara thinks she could sing the alphabet....which I think most people learn to do pretty early on in life but whatever, you made the song your own, you’re getting better every week.  Paula says it was a rock solid performance, no one will ever be able to take away the rock edge to your voice but she wants her to experiment a little.  Simon thought it was good, and he thought she was struggling remembering the words….he said it was verging on precocious.  But that’s a good thing.  Randy thinks it was dope…whatever that means.  I think they all like her.  Seacrest says it was dopely precocious…<sigh>….you’re an idiot Ryan.

 

Kris is singing Make You Feel My Love by Garth Brooks.  Randy calls him a strong ballad singer…I don’t think he likes him very much.  More guitar playing.  Oh wait….no guitar for the performance just for the rehearsal.  Black shirt and tan pants out of Ryan’s closet.  A nice quiet slow song…very pretty.  He’s very cute.  He might be growing on me a little bit….not sure.  He almost hit the last note….almost.  Paula is pleasantly surprised, a very honest, pure and vulnerable performance…some of the low notes were a little pitchy, but she thinks it was a good choice.  Simon thinks that was terrific….YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY.  A great choice of song, completely in control of the song, didn’t go over the top, probably the first time I heard you that I genuinely think you have a shot in this competition.  Randy thinks it was a cool, tender moments from my dawg…out on a limb.  He likes it.  Kara didn’t even know it was a country song, very beautiful.  Simon says, very good, again.  <smile>  He’s cute enough to go through to the next round.

 

Now it’s Lil Rounds’ turn.  Ryan tells us to go to the AI website…now he’s chatting with Lil…..BOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING.  Let’s get to the singing.  We don’t care about the stupid couch.  Lil is not a big country singer.  She’s kind of nervous….but she wants to honor country and not make it too R & B.  She’s singing Independence Day by Martina McBride.  Randy thought she needed to slow it down a little bit….but he thinks she has a huge voice.  I love this song, I hope she does a good job.  Pretty red dress.  Holy cow….she does have a huge voice….up until she got to the refrain, it was just ok….but that was amazing.  That last note gave me chills.  Beautiful.  Randy said the same thing I just wrote…but he said it didn’t feel comfortable, he called it alright.  Kara says that part of being an artist is to do what you feel.  She said the second half was better than the first half.  She said you have an amazing voice, you’d have to be deaf not to know that.  Paula thinks she looks great….she thinks she should have sang just one verse and then gone straight to the chorus.  Simon called her Little….it kind of came over as if you were one of those girls at a wedding that was being forced to sing a song that was requested…..Simon thinks she could have sung something else.  He thinks that wasn’t her.  Seacrest says Randy calls Simon the Little Judge behind closed doors…..okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.  And whatever they say, this girl is going to the next round.  She’s too good not to.

 

Dramadama is next and he’s dressed like Billy Idol.  What the hell.  He picked the song because he likes the words.  He picked Ring of Fire with a middle eastern flair…Randy is speechless.  It’s weird.  Randy gives him points for being unique.  The nail polish threw him off too.  Drama…boys stop wearing nail polish in high school….come on.  This is a very weird arrangement.  I really don’t like it.  This song, the Johnny Cash version (think Daughtry singing Johnny Cash) is so friggin good….why would you mess it up like this.  Yucky.  I really want to just forward through this….he’s screeching….blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.  Kara said that was very interesting…she tries to call it country…..she says it was all a little strange and then she calls it Egyptian….<shaking my head>….she doesn’t know what to say….blabber blabber blabber.  Confused and sort of happy.  Paula says you really stand out and you’re true to who you are as an artist, a great song choice, blah blah blah.  The girls obviously like him for no reason.  Simon says, I think what Randy was trying to say was what the hell was that.  He thinks there are a lot of people throwing their television sets out the window.  Absolute indulgent rubbish.  YES.  THANK YOU.  Really really horrific.  Randy thinks the greatest thing about it was that it was NIN doing a country song.  Right.  Except if Trent Reznor did that, it would have been good.  Totally ridiculous.  This guy annoys me. 

 

Scott is singing Wild Angels by Martina McBride.  Randy thinks the tempo is a little slow….but he surprised Randy the most.  He’s playing the piano, which of course sounds wonderful.  Pretty song.  Pretty voice.  The falsetto was a little off….,but as usual a good solid performance.  I don’t think he’s going to win, but I think he’s already gotten himself a career.  Which is good.  The audience goes nuts when he’s done, by the way.  Paula says another impressive, lovely performance.  Paula thinks the piano might be a crutch and it separates you from the audience….Scott suggests they move the piano closer.  Hahahahahahahaha.  Simon thinks that was a stupid thing to say….he thinks there’s nothing wrong with sitting behind a piano…he suggests Elton John or Billy Joel not play the piano.  He thinks the performance this week was a lot like last week.  Simon thinks he needs to pick better songs.  Randy is trying to say something, while Paula and Simon continue to bicker.  Randy thinks it’s been nice, but it needs to stand out.  Kara says up your game….Simon keeps saying just choose better songs.  Kara says you bring class and poise to the stage….because you’re blind....just kidding but she always give me the impression she's being extra nice because of that.  Scott agrees to play without the piano at some point…but he’s not going to tell us when.  <chuckle>  The guy is actually pretty funny. 

 

Dolly is singing a Dolly song.  Well good.  That makes me happy.  I hate these chats with the kiddies…so boring.  She picks Jolene.  Pretty song.  Randy says she understands what telling the story is about….Randy thinks Dolly will be proud.  Pretty black dress.  Um…..she’s kind of off at the beginning.  Oooooooo….really off.  Yikes.  Oh honey….that was kind of bad.  Randy thinks there was a bunch of pitch problems…she tried to bend it a little too much, a good choice but it didn’t work.  Kara thinks she lost her edge a little bit, she didn’t like the choice.  She called it flat.  Paula thinks it was a little more effective for her, because she tried to show a different side to her.  She didn’t care about the pitch problems...right because it's not actually a singing competition.  Simon says it was ok…it sounded a lot like the original.  He thinks everybody is going to forget it in about 10 minutes.  She promises to get ‘dirty’ next week if she’s still here….<sigh>….

 

Ironman is singing next…he got nervous in front of Randy.  He keeps messing up….ahhhhhhhhhhh…..he’s singing Jesus Take The Wheel.  Great song.  Randy likes the soulfulness in his voice.  I hope he does well.  Weird white jacket on….he sounds uncomfortable.  But he’s got a great voice…..the chorus sounds amazing….that’s when he finally sounded like himself again.  He’s adorable and he pulled through that.  Great job.  The audience won’t stop.  Oh Danny boy.  Kara says when you hit your stride, you’re like no other.  The front half of the song was no good, but the power notes were a great connection.  Paula kind of disagrees…because she says he was building it up.  She thinks he was brilliant.  Simon agrees with Paula, you can’t start the song full on.  Simon just doesn’t like the outfit.  He looks like he’s going on a polar expedition….HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Good one.  Randy agreed with Kara, the verses need to be supported, they were kind of pitchy.  Get it together!  You’re a great singer.  The judges keep blathering on…but they obviously love him.  He’s definitely safe.  So cute.

 

Anoop de Loop Loop is singing after the break.  For some reason, I don’t picture him singing country.  He’s singing You’re Always On My Mind.  Randy is impressed.  Anoop de Loop Loop is motivated by Simon’s comments last week.  A great Willy Nelson song.  Beautifully done.  I’m being serious.  This was a beautiful song.  I think he may have redeemed himself with that one….Paula says you’re back!  She’s proud of him for picking a song he could do his own interpretation with….tender, honest, amazing, sweet vocals.  Simon says you have just managed to go from zero to hero, that was one of my most favorite performances of the night.  Good that you took a beating last week and didn’t whine about it, you do deserve to be here.  Randy says this is why we wanted you in this competition, great arrangement.  Kara says blah blah blah, what everybody else said.  Great job Anoopy.

 

Tattoo is singing I’m Going Walking After Midnight.  Randy says it was totally unique….he says you’d have to like it if she nails it.  This is a great country song.  Tattoo is wearing some weird hippy dress that makes her boobs look huge and she still does that stupid shuffle thing that I can’t stand.  This style is starting to kind of get on my nerves…but it is different….she kind of missed a few notes in the middle there.  It was ok, but I think we may have just found our first candidate for leaving next week.  Randy thinks it might have been a train wreck, but he thinks it was pretty good.  He thinks it worked, a good choice for her.  Huh?  Kara says perfect song, perfect look.  Kara points out that Tattoo has the flu and that was really hard.  Paula points out that Tattoo was in the hospital…blah blah blah….keep being sick because you sounded great.  Simon says you look gorgeous, and that was better than last week, but he thinks her stylist is doing her up a little bit.  Whatever…she’s sick….not good enough.

 

Dumbo is singing Carrie Underwood, So Small.  Randy said it was very soulful, he was surprised.  He wants to make it emotional and heartfelt.  Dumbo is singing at the piano…pretty.  Nice suit...straight out of Swingers.  It sounds nice, but it’s not that exciting….until he gets to the chorus and turns it on….then it sounds great.  Paula is standing.  The pills must have kicked in.  Huh…he kind of missed that last note, but all in all pretty good.  Not great….but pretty good.  Kara says, there ain’t nothing small about you………..<pause>…………..ok.  Blah blah blah.  Paula says his authenticity is wonderful and whatever….you’re piercing through people’s hearts…..blah blah blah.  Simon says you haven’t had enough credit for your vocals.  You’re very similar to Ironman, but tonight you outsang him.  You remind me of Michael Buble.  Randy says his favorite performance of the night….you got it going on.

 

Holy cow…he was the last one?  It’s over already?  You know what….country week is historically pretty awful and this season it was pretty good.  I know Simon doesn’t like country, but he wasn’t itching in his skin by the end of the night like he usually is….so I’d consider it a success.  I think Tattoo is in trouble….Dolly might be in trouble too.  I wish Dramadama was going to be in trouble for that ridiculous rendition….but I’m sure he won’t be. 

 

We’ll see tomorrow.

Later gators,

Heather

 

p.s. Happy St. Patty's Day and all that.  By the way, St Patrick was not Irish....he used the shamrock to teach the pagan Irish to accept Christianity so soldiers pinned the shamrocks to their uniforms to bring them protection in battle (wearing the green)....other than that there's not a whole lot you can point to that makes the Irish......lucky.  And there are no snakes in Ireland.  But it's a fun holiday and a good excuse to eat and drink things that have been dyed green.  Cheers.  May your home always be too small to hold all of your friends.