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27 febbraio Dream CrusherTonight is the vote-off show, but before we talk about that, I have a new show for you to watch gentle reader. It’s called Dollhouse and it’s on tonight. It’s on Fox at 9…..which is a terrible time slot, but the same one they gave Firefly, which was another Joss Whedon show. You probably know him best from his creation Buffy the Vampire Slayer (yes he did co-write the original movie with Kristy Swanson). Eliza Dushku is absolutely gorgeous and Whedon must be totally in love with her because she’s been in almost all of his shows. It’s sci-fi and it’s action-packed and it’s fun and it’s well-written. Of course Whedon’s bad ass hero is a heroine and of course she has a ‘watcher’/protector and of course there is a cast of kooky sidekicks and you know he’ll end up twisting you in knots with the plot but he always pulls it together unlike some people (ummm….J.J. Abrams, you can kiss my ass with this Lost crap). Give it a shot, just for sheer entertainment value, and especially if you’re a sci-fi fan or if you liked Buffy the Vampire Slayer (p.s. you don’t have to tell anybody you liked that show, but you know you did).
Ok, back to the present and last night’s public execution. There was an awesome quote from TV last night, but surprisingly it wasn’t on this show….even though it was perfect for this show. Tyson on Survivor, says to the camera, with kind of an evil grin on his face – “I love seeing people cry when you crush their dreams.” AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That’s brilliant. And very appropriate for American Idol. Time to crush some dreams, kiddies. Here is Ryan in a blue shirt, black jacket, asking us what we have done. With the voting, obviously, is what he means. 25 million of them last night. Randy is wearing yet another black v-neck sweater. Kara is again wearing some black number with too much jewelry. It looks like her microphone cord has been wrapped repeatedly around her neck. Paula has something glamorous on that shows off all of her cleavage. And Simon? Just guess. You’ve got a 50-50 shot at being right.
Last night was another hour-long show. So it had a ton of filler. First we got a recap of the kiddies and their Idol journey. Then we got to see them sing their group number. I watched for a little while, but then started to feel my teeth rotting out of my head from the sweetness and forwarded through the last half. They sounded ok, but clearly this is their first number together. It was kinda cheesy. But Idol loves cheese. Back from Commercial #85 and Seacrest is chatting with the kiddies. Nick Norman says he’s always looking for a job. The Welder says he doesn’t regret picking his song or defending his choice to Simon and then he says, it’s never too late for him to get advice referring to Simon’s statement that it was too late for that sort of thing before last night’s show started. Then Simon says again, it’s too late. HAHAHAHAHA. He’s so funny.
Time for the first walking the plank ceremony. Ryan brings Allison, Jessie and the Welder to center stage. This doesn’t look good for the Welder because I think these two were the strongest girls. Randy thinks it should be Allison. And he’s right, it’s Red. She gets to sing again and no, I did not listen to it again. I like her, I hope being only 16 doesn’t hinder her too much. But sometimes the younger you are, the more carefree you are, the less stress you have to deal with, the better you deal with this show. It may all work out.
Back from Commercial #771, Seacrest asks Megan and Chris with a K to come join him on the stage. Then he asks Dumbo and Leggy Jeanine to come join him at the same time. He reminds us all again what happened last night and what the judges said. Paula won’t pick one of them. So, it’s not Jeanine. Not Dumbo……now Kara is rambling on and on and on about how she likes Chris with a K and that’s despite what she said last night and blah blah blah. Get ON with it already. So he made it. Special K is through to the final 12 and Tattoo is going home. He sings again. I’m sure it was great.
Then we get a recap of all the prior seasons….and maybe I’m crazy but have they shown this before? It was fun to reminisce. But this is fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiller and I have to watch Survivor too so let’s get a move on. Now, we get to welcome back Ms. Snow White herself, Brooke. Brookie Cookie is singing at the piano (sans shoes as usual) her new single, ‘Hold Up My Heart’. The Hubby didn’t like the title to the song….and if you think about it…..it sounds a little psychotic. But the song was great. It really suited her, a nice pleasant sweet song with her charming little folksy twang. I liked it. I may spend a couples cents on iTunes for that one….
So now. Finally. Seacrest brings the last five kiddies to the stage – Mishavonna, Kai, Nick, Adam and Jasmine. Lots of talking to the kiddies and the judges and no one is saying anything new. It’s a no to Mishavonna….damn I won’t get to say her name again. No to Kai, but we knew that. No to Jasmine, we knew that too. So Simon says he prayed for five or six hours the previous night that Nick Norman wouldn’t make it through. No…I won’t drag it out like they did, it’s not Nick. It’s Dramadama. He sang again and since I didn’t like it the first time, I didn’t watch it again.
Ryan reminds us about the wild card show and Simon confirms that the judges are picking who is going to be performing on that. Good. They’ll pick the right people, hopefully. Then we see the last dozen to perform – Alex the Dork, Felicia, Jorge, Ju-not, Kristy the back-stabbing bitch, Lil Rounds, Nathaniel the Drama Queen, Scott the Blind Guy, Von the Big Baby, Arianna, Kendall, and Taylor. Stay tuned!
Later gators, Heather 26 febbraio Who Are These People?<sigh> You know what? <frustrated sigh> <pause> I hate driving. And I hate people. And I hate school buses. And I hate driving. <sigh> I have a headache from trying to incinerate people with my jedi mind powers and this is not a good way to start a Thursday. I want to go home already and I just got here….but of course if I went home….I would have to……drive there. Note to self: Move teleportation patent up the priority list.
Ok, so last night we got to the second dozen on American Idol. It was on a day later than normal and so my internal calendar is all kooky. They can’t switch the show around like that because it messes me up. Yeah, yeah, I know it got preempted by the President <twinkly fingers> OOOOoooooOOOOOO……<smile>. Just kidding. Quick aside, it was a good speech. No comment (at least for you) on the politics or the message, but it was a good speech. Ok, so don’t push the show back again. Anyway, here’s Ryan in a brown or black polo, can’t really tell. Randy is wearing his preppy v-neck with a bowling ball sized watch. Paula has a beige or silver top (am I going color blind?) with a ring on her hand that she must have gotten at Randy’s watch shop. Kara is wearing a simply black thing with way too much jewelry and Simon? He’s wearing white….or off white…..and he’s in the wrong chair. <melodramatic sigh> I can feel my OCD twitch coming on…..because he’s <tic> in the wrong <tic, tic> chair. Some chatting with the judges, and as usual, that was totally pointless. Simon did point out that it was too late for advice. <smile> Way to put everyone at ease Cowell.
The first to sing tonight is Jasmine. I should warn you now, gentle reader, the Hubby had control of the remote and was forwarding through things I usually watch because he wanted to see the second half of the Maryland Duke game last night. So I didn’t catch how old she is, but she is from Mississippi. She’s singing ‘Love Song’. She has a cute silver jacket on and looks as pretty as ever. But the song sounds totally out of tune. She seems to get a little better….but it wasn’t great. Randy says it was pitchy all through, parts were good and parts were bad, he’s not even sure if it was the right song. Kara says she starts too low, she’s very commercial but the song was all over the place. Paula says basically the same thing, but then adds that Jasmine has confidence. Simon says he’s disappointed. He thinks she may be a couple of years away from a career, the song didn’t help her. No parents tonight….thank goodness. But apparently AI needs to pay some bills, because here’s Commercial #1 of 5,000.
Back from the break and it’s Dumbo Ears Matt. He’s from Michigan. I think. He singing Viva La Vida. Seems like a weird song to pick. He’s got a good voice, but this song seems to have him all out of breath. He was ok, but I like him. Kara says you blew me away in Hollywood, this wasn’t the right song, not bluesy. Paula says it was a risky song, I did hear you go for it and you brought what you brought. That is what she said, I’m not making that up. Simon says it was horrible, went from cool to cheesy pop. Randy says he’s still rooting for Dumbo, but he needs to go for songs he can go after (whatever that means). I like him too. Kind of early to tell if he has a chance.
Jeanine is next. <pause> Who? Who is this girl? I am quite certain this is the first time I am seeing her at all…..what the hell? She has beautiful hair and legs a mile long. She is singing ‘This Love’ by Maroon 5, which is a great song….but why pick it? She looks great. But another weird choice. Paula says, great legs. Simon said it was terrible for you, chose the wrong song, the performance was a struggle. Randy says hot legs, completely the wrong song. Kara says very overdone. At some point in all this everyone started pointing out how pretty she was and Simon goes, nice lips. ???? What???? Really? People say things like that? In a normal social setting? It was kind of uncomfortable….in that lovably mean British way he has about him. After Seacrest asked, Kara said she didn’t think Jeanine has a shot of being in the final 12. Awwwwww….I like her. And she’s a local, from D.C. My only problem with her is she kept point out that she was the oldest person in the competition and this was like, her last chance or something…..she’s 28. Ok girly…..28 does not give you the right to complain. I didn’t complain until I got to 30. You don’t get to either.
After Commercial #42, Nick Norman is “singing” for us. He picked a song that sounded familiar at first….and then it turned into an American Idol parody. He’s running all over the stage, making goo goo eyes at the judges and the audience. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. He’s a riot. His voice actually didn’t sound as good on this song as it usually does, but he’s so funny. Simon says, I pray you do not go through. One of the most atrocious performances, horrific comedy. To which Norman says, takes one to know one sassy pants. <chuckle> They have a good rapport with each other. Randy says that was the most entertaining performance, I was laughing the whole time. Kara says we remember you, you put your own spin on things, I enjoyed you. Paula says you are a true performer, you’re fun. No chance he goes to the final 12…..seriously…..no chance…..unless those votefortheworst jerks have their way…..
Allison is singing next. She’s 16 from California. She has bright red hair. Ryan is trying to interview her in the red room and she’s kind of bumbling through an explanation of school in AI-land, trying to sound cool. Trying really really hard to sound cool. She picked Alone, by Heart. Great song. And this sounds great, she has a great rock voice. Wow, that was fun. Randy says yo, yo, you blew it away, might be one of the best tonight. Kara says you don’t even know how good you are. Paula says you could sing the telephone book….I was wondering when she was going to start pulling out last year’s comments. Simon says, you’re the best tonight by a mile, great confidence, need a little more personality but he was very impressed. So far, I think she’s the pick for top girl.
Chris with a K is singing now and I have no idea who this guy is either. He’s from Arkansas, I caught that. He picked Man in the Mirror by Michael Jackson. Cute guy and wow……he’s a good singer. Why the hell haven’t we seen these guys before? He almost sounded like George Michael doing an MJ song. I liked it. Kara thinks the end was better than the beginning, she thinks it was the wrong song. Paula says, I’m going to have to disagree completely, you nailed it and you were charming. Simon says, I agree with Paula, confidence and personality, you made an effort, put yourself back in the running. Randy was just glad he could sing without his guitar. Hehehehehe…ok.
Megan, the tattoo girl is singing after Commercial #982. She picked ‘Put Your Records On’…which is a good song. But I don’t know….this style of singing can sound great or go a little off….and she sounds a little off to me. She also has this weird shuffle thing she does while she’s singing that I guess is supposed to be dancing….but who knows? Paula says you picked the right song, interesting, relevant, hip, cool, beautiful. Simon says you’re a funny little thing, looked gorgeous, started the song great, you stand out, I hope America votes for you. Randy is interested in seeing her in the later rounds. Kara says, with the right song, you could have a breakout hit. I think you could say that about anyone, Kara. I don’t like the tattoos. Tattoo sleeves on girls are so gross. Especially a girl as pretty as this one. What were you thinking? Seriously? It makes you look like biker bar trash. I don’t know if I like her more than Allison.
The Welder is singing next. He’s 28 from Oklahoma and you all know I like him already. He’s like a big teddy bear. So cute and cuddly. He picked ‘If You Could Only See’. I think it sounds great….but then, I already like him. Simon says I really like you, but I hated the song. He’s very frustrated, the performance was boring and uncomfortable. Randy says great song, performance was boring, you were cool Matt but you needed more energy. Kara says, we all like you, fell really flat, but you can sing. Paula says we all fell in love with you. Ryan asked the Welder if he would’ve changed his mind about the song with this hindsight, and he says, sorry no, I love that song. <smile> I think he’s still got a good chance.
Jessie is up after the break. She’s a redhead, single mom, 26 from Minnesota. The first time I remember seeing Jessie was in the sing-off. She’s singing Betty Davis Eyes. She’s weirdly pretty. Pretty voice too. Wow. I meant to say, a really great voice. I liked that a lot. Randy says it was an ok kind of performance. What? Open your ears dawg….he said the song was cool, it was ok, not exciting, I want to hear your range. Kara said the performance was slinky and sexy, you had some definite moments. Paula says you have been captivating throughout the entire show, you’re cool, phrasing is unique. Simon says I think you’re forgettable, a nice voice but it was too cool for school, I don’t think people will vote for you. Hmmmmm…I disagree. I think she’ll get some votes.
Kai is singing now. He’s 27 from California and he’s the one with the sick mom sob story. The guy we’re all kind of rooting for. But then he picks ‘What Becomes of a Broken Heart’…..<pause> I hate this song. I really do. He’s singing it ok, but not great. And what’s he doing with his face? He’s looking kind of smarmy. I don’t think he has a real good chance…..Kara says, I just like you, some pitch issues, I think you gave it your all, a little old-fashioned. Paula says we can tell you like those throw back songs, she liked his performance. Simon says very old fashioned, quite corny, something you would see in a wedding or a hotel, nothing distinct or unique, you’d make a good back-up singer. Ouch! Randy says it was a very safe performance.
Mishavonna. Mishavonna. Mishavonna. I just want to keep saying her name. It’s awesome. Anyway, she’s 18 from California. And she picked, Lord have mercy, Drops of Jupiter. Seriously…how many times do I have to tell you people. Train songs should be off limits. He’s just too good. She has beautiful hair and a cute little dress, she’s kind of losing the high notes though. A little out of tune….and you just can’t be. Hmmmmm….not that good. Paula says you can definitely sing, not my choice of song. Simon says you’re very serious, technically a good singer but that performance left me very cold, you act like you’re 50 years old. Randy says sing something young, that didn’t show off your voice. Which is a nice way of saying, you sucked it through a straw. Kara likes the song but thinks she needs to loosen up.
The singer picked to go in the coveted last producer’s choice position is Drama Adam. Drama is the musical theater guy. He’s singing Satisfaction, which I think is another crazy choice. It’s a BIG song. He’s got this weird Elvis look on his face, and the song has a weird arrangement, kind of pitchy in parts. Nice screaming. Paula loves him, she doesn’t have the words to describe it but she does babble on for a while about how she felt like she was at a concert. Simon says this is very difficult. Parts of it were excruciatingly bad and parts of it were brilliant, love it or hate it. Randy says love it, you’re the most current artist we’ve had on this show, a little bit manic, don’t overdo it. Kara says your vocal technique is outrageous, you have great range, it’s craziness. Craziness, huh. I don't like this guy a whole lot....not sure why. I don't think he's good enough to be so overconfident.
So that’s it. Our second dozen. I think the girl is Allison, the guy is probably going to be Drama, and I’m crossing my fingers for Dumbo, Chris with a k or the Welder. I like them all….I know that’s not really making a pick……but whatever. My blog, I can do what I want.
Later gators, Heather 24 maggio This Is The End, My Only Buddy, The EndThe kiddies are standing center stage. Seacrest welcomes us all back, thanks for showing up, says Ryan. Seacrest reminds us that people are actually still watching this show…oh good. So its not just me. The Kodak is filled with celebs tonight - Teri Hatcher, Foxworthy, etc etc. Introduce the judges Ryan. Randy has another weird jacket on, Paula has her boobs on display and I think Simon is wearing the same outfit he had on last night. So first up for the night is both of our finalists singing together. This is kind of cute. She’s like three feet taller than Blake. Blake is such a better dancer than everyone else. You know what…why couldn’t they have sung this last night? Maybe I wouldn’t hate the show so much. Gwenny is on tour and she is singing…sort of live….she’s got a really weird outfit. Maybe Bjork had her swan suit at the cleaners. It’s like a poofy pink cotton candy outfit. Flashback time. Nevermind Taylor. Here’s our favorite American Idol - Kelly. This has a very creepy Alanis Morrisette feel to it….I think some boy really pissed off our Kelly. Such a mean song. My my….I LOVE IT!!! Wow. I think she’s over you dude. It would have been really funny if they judged her. The Second Annual Golden Idol awards. First award is for ‘Most Eccentric’. Our first contestant is Panther Man, then Psycho Girl, then Big Bird. The loser…I mean winner…is Big Bird. Fantastic and she’s got the yellow hair to go with her stupid outfit and now she completely accosts Seacrest. Ok…enough of that….she says Thanks to all her fans. What? Fans? She’s reading a poem, but it doesn’t rhyme….and this is uncomfortable. Get her off the stage now please. Now the top 6 guys are singing. Oh look who it is….that’s right kids….San Ja Ya. I think the boys need some more practice before the tour starts. Oh good, here’s a real singer. Mr. Smokey Robinson. How old is he? Lord, please give me the same alien injections so I stay forever young too. And the boys sound much better as back-up singers. I wonder if he’s going on tour with them…I might actually go to it then. Blake is singing now with Doug E Fresh and Barry B. Because he didn’t get to beat box in the final song last night, so here’s his chance. Yeah, he’s really really good at this. I think he might be a little better than Mr. Doug E. Wow. Well….if he didn’t have a contract before…he has one now. Now its time for another Golden Idol award ‘Most Original Vocal’ - Buggy Eyes Psycho Guy, and here’s the Invisible Ear Piece Girl, and Breaking the Sound Barrier Guy. And the loser….I mean winner is…..Sound Barrier Guy Sholandric. So he sings without a microphone and you really can hear him….but I am betting the acoustics in the Kodak are pretty good. Why would you ever come to one of these? For the statue of course….that’s fantastic eBay fodder right there. Now the top six girls are singing. Well, at least we know there’s at least one of these girls who can sing. And here’s Miss Gladys Knight. Hmmmm….is that why Melinda didn’t sing that first part….this is great though. Melinda is singing with her now….definitely the only one that can keep up. Oh sorry, Lakisha is doing pretty good too. Those three should go on tour. Gladys sounds fabulous. Now tell me something. Could Jordin have stood up there and belted it out? I'm guessing not. Oogey Constantine Moralis is in the audience. Yuck. So, Tony Bennett is singing now. I really really like him. I am such a huge crooner fan. How old is he? Singing must keep your soul young, because these cats are looking pretty good. Classic. And the best part - Tony singing however fast he damn well pleased and that piano player just keeping up. Classic. Golden Idol award for Best Buddies - It’s Humpty Dumpty and Lemur Boy, the Bitchy Beach Girls (Antonella and some other girl….yes the Hubby did actually look at the TV for that one), and Seacrest and Simon. Secarest goes ‘Good Luck buddy’ and Simon definitely without a doubt mouthed ass****. So Humpty Dumpty and Lemur Boy win the prize. Awesome. Lemur Boy thanks Simon for making him a star. Oh the irony. They show a picture of a bush baby so everyone knows that wasn't some kind of racial slur. So AI sponsored one of these cute little wide-eyed monkey at the local zoo for Lemur Boy. That’s so funny. Melinda is singing now. She sounds fantastic. BeBe and CeCe Winans, who she used to sing back-up for and now she’s siging with them. That’s pretty cool, huh. She’s come into her own, people. No more back-up singing for this chica. That was fun. The Hubby is enjoying watching this show. Probably because the Idolettes are not singing very much in it. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand the last Ford commercial - Time After Time. A montage of all the past commercials. Hmmmmm….so the finalists are back and whaddya know, they get some Ford Mustangs and Blake goes….YAAAAAAAA I LIKE THAT and in his best Borat accent. NYYYYYYYYYYCE!!! And he's got a sense of humor too! And now Carrie Underwood is singing I’ll Stand By You. She’s great too. Not Kelly, but really the only other Idol winner who has made anything of herself. And we’re not counting Clay or my mysterious cool rocker dude. Clive Davis is here to make some sort of announcement. He’s telling us about AI successes and he whaddya know - he’s talking about my mysterious cool rocker dude. Chris Daughtry who is still in the top ten after six months. SIX MONTHS. Two top singles. Yeah….he’s amazing. I have that CD if anyone wants to borrow it….so Clive is giving an award to Carrie for songwriting. That’s nice. The African Children’s Choir is here again. Oh geez. Don’t make me cry again. So adorable. Holy cow, I don’t think I have ever had that much energy. Those kids must have burned like 4,000 calories singing that song. Now they’re doing a crazy funny promo of Sanjaya with the movie trailer voiceover guy. He’s singing with Joe Perry from Aerosmith. This is hysterical. He still sucks. And it doesn’t matter how much Perry plays the strings off that guitar…it still sounds terrible. But the Hubby is on his feet cheering. This is ridiculous. Are they trying to make him look…..sexy? <chuckle chuckle> They have the air blowing his hair up….well he’s certainly no Steven Tyler. But people seem to love him. Green Day is singing now. Here is the best live band ever kids. I love this band. They can actually sing. Awesome awesome awesome. Nice political song. Stop the killing in Darfur. This totally kicks ass….come on Billy Jo, I know you’re not wearing that guitar for nothing….love it. And now, after the break, with no introduction at all. This. Is. Taylor Hicks. Mr. Grey Haired Guy himself. Doing his freaky dance thing. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Such a fun singer. Well….I am glad he hasn’t faded into the wood work. This is pretty good, but not really that marketable. I understand now. He sounds good though. And there’s the harmonica. Nice. He even added in a little head bop in the end. HAHAHAHA, fun stuff. More outstanding music now. How about this. Jordin is singing with none other than Ruben. Hahahaha…wasn’t I just saying that I never heard from these kids again. Wow, this is good. Ruben sounds great. Still a big teddy bear. He’s had some voice coaching I think. He sounds really really fabulous. He looks pretty dapper too. You know what would have been fantastic - him and Melinda! He sounds a little bit better than Jordin though…. So we’re back with Bette Midler…..wha wha whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? The Wind Beneath My Wings. She’s got a cute leather skirt on. HAHAHAHA. That’s awesome. This is kind of flat, but you know what? It’s Bette and she can pretty much get away with anything….Randy is dancing with Paula. Awwwwwwwwwwwww….that’s sweet. I think she made Jerry Springer cry….like Hasselhoff? HAHAHAHAHAHA. And now an American Idol tribute to Sergeant Pepper and here it is kids - Kelly and Joe Perry. Whooooooooweeeeeeeeeeeee….More KELLY!!! The Hubby suggested they replace American Idol with the Kelly Clarkson variety show. HAHAHAHA. That was awesome. And now Taylor Hicks. Ummmm….not that I have anything against Taylor, but it’s like 9:55.…shouldn’t we be finding out who the winner is? Ok….now its Carrie…..wow, look at me caring about who wins. Shhhhhhhhhhhh….don’t tell anyone. And now Ruben. And now all the Idolettes are singing….and it’s 10 o’ clock people….what the hell. TELL ME WHO WON!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
And now finally. Its’ time. Seacrest, Blake, Jordin, and the Anonymous Accountant are on stage. Randy thinks its gonna be Jordin. Paula is proud of both of them. 74 million voted and the winner is - Jordin. And everybody acts soooooooooooooooooooooooo surprised. Come on. We all knew it already. Pull it together Jordin, you have to sing. That crappy song they wrote for you….which you sing so well.
So that’s it gators. That’s the season. The Hubby pointed out that if every show was like tonight…he may have actually watched a few without complaining vociferously. Awww well. Six months until next season starts. Not that I’ll be watching….well….maybe just one show. <wink> Later gators, Heather 23 maggio Is It The End Already?Ok, so nobody has to pretend like they care about this show. Honestly, the only reason I am actually watching tonight and not plagiarizing someone else’s blog, is to see Paula’s broken nose. Seacrest with his usual dramatic intro says This is American Idol. Ryan looks pretty spiffy tonight in the Kodak theater. A battle of the sexes and did he seriously just compare this to Kelly and Justin? Come on Ryan. Randy has a weird uber-military jacket on tonight. Paula definitely has some swelling. Simon has something that shows off his chest hair. Ryan wants to know about Paula’s accident. She says I tripped over my dog, but don’t worry, she’s fine. And Seacrest, ok well, the bitch is ok. Flashback time. First we get to see Blake from the beginning. They both auditioned in Seattle. Everyone is trying to pretend that either of them deserve to win over Doolittle. Whatever. Get to it already….aren’t they singing three songs tonight? Let’s go already. A tough one to call Ryan? That’s a nice way of saying nobody cares. Blake won the coin toss and asks Jordin if she wants to go first. That was sweet in a sort of stupid way. Blake is singing Bon Jovi - You Give Love a Bad Name. He’s nervous….you can tell. But it’s pretty much exactly the way he sang it last time. And oh the irony, if the kid who wins this singing competition does it by not singing. Hahahahahaha. Randy is trying to get people to shut up so he can talk. He gives him a 10 out of 10 on the beat boxing and the singing was awight. Paula says, you’re crazy….Simon says you’re not the best singer, but you are the best performer. Jordin is singing now. Cool top, but she always looks pretty. She sounds pretty good, kind of rushed, but that’s the song. A little screamy, but she’s always had that problem. A great job. Randy says you’re a great singer….um….isn’t that what Simon just said Randy? Paula said this is the best finale ever….must be the drugs kicking in. Simon is the one that points out she’s 17 this time and then says she was kind of shrieky in the middle. Round 1 goes to Blake. I agree. Maroon 5’s She Will Be Loved sung by Blake. Nice choice for him. He’s got a really cute style. Kind of 80’s in a modern way….hahahahaha….um, anyway. He sounds like Bono…kind of. Anyway, it was pretty good. Randy goes check it out, check it out. Great song, very nice vocal. The Spoon is in the audience!! Paula doesn’t make any sense at all. Simon says good, safe, not as good as the first song….it didn’t make much of an impact. Blake says he feels great, the audience is amazing. He says, I’m just having fun. Yeah, he knows Jordin won….and he’s already been offered a contract. The pressure is off. Jordin is back on and she says, this is my dream. Awwwwww…A Broken Wing is what she picked. Why not pull a McPhee and sing on the floor…I guess that didn’t work too well for her. By the way….didn’t Taylor win last season? Where the hell is he? Another amazing vocal…she totally blows Blake out of the water with her voice. Randy says you are the most talented 17-year-old singer. Paula is losing her voice, she says you’re soaring. Simon says, now that was good. Heehee. Jordin plucks a fan out of the balcony and sets them down on the ground floor because she’s all about the fans. One more song from Blake. The winners of the song writing competition are introduced. This Is My Now (the winning song) is what Blake is being forced to sing. He’s sitting on part of the set in a very staged way…Hashanah….get it? Staged? Yeah….I know. I could use some of Paula’s drugs. This song kind of sucks. These songs always suck though. Why do they need an original song. Blake is trying to dance around the stage like he’s enjoying himself….but when he sings with the back-up singers he’s very off key, like he can’t harmonize with them…or maybe they are terrible. Maybe they are there to sabotage him….Oh. That was quite painful. Randy says this was not the kind of song that suits you, just awight. Paula says, great job. Simon says it was all a little odd…how did you feel? All the jumping around, kind of weird. Simon says judge you primarily on the first two songs. Or don’t….because Jordin has already been picked. In fact, don’t even bother voting America. Jordin is back with her last song. Seacrest is signing autographs for the kiddies in the balcony. That’s cute. Jordin’s take on the same song….<sigh>….do we really have to listen to this crap again. Yeah, this song was basically written for her, right? So unfair. If you asked her to beat box, she would have sounded just as bad as Blake did. Of course she sounds amazing…but you already knew that….because she has already been selected. Sorry to be so cynical. I’m terribly terribly sick of this show. I has lost a great deal of credibility this year. Crying always helps Jordin….but this is useless….you have already won, we don’t need the show. Randy says Yo. You were the best singer tonight, you deserve to win. Paula says you have a lot to be proud of…you’re an angel. Simon says, last week I didn’t think you were good enough to make the finals. But now I want to say that I was wrong. Someone taught her how to cry on cue. Ryan pops open an umbrella and reads off her numbers. I’m voting for Blake. But I shouldn’t vote for anyone. Just out of protest. So stupid. Ryan says, it’s up to you America. Ok. I believe that. Randy says Jordin wins. Paula says everyone is a winner. Simon says best individual performance of the night was Blake and based on singing Jordin wins.
Oh….and look at this….here’s my mysterious cool rocker dude. Nice. What a fantastic surprise....and I was thankfully not thwarted by the stupid Tivo this week and got to see it. This was clearly the only part of the show that I care about. Sooooooooooooooooooooo cute. And better than either of them…hmmmm….but I guess I can admit…I am slightly biased. <sigh> So tomorrow is the last show I will probably ever write about. Stay tuned gators. Later, Heather 17 maggio I Have A Question For YouSo, some of you (ahem, Partybert) have pointed out to me that I could come up with some much better questions for the kiddies than Seacrest reads during the show. So stay tuned. Homer Simpson introduces the show tonight…which was kind of cute. That show has been on forever. Eliot Yamin is singing. Maroon 5 is singing. Whoopee!!! And we get to hear about the AI tour again. I know some of you are definitely are going to that…right? So Haley, is Gina really as much of a B as she seemed during the auditions? Now Seacrest is interviewing the kiddies about what they did during the week. This is like the Hubby asking me how my day was….here’s what he hears - “Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.” So she got to go her home town. And Jordin Godzilla managed to not crush any houses or small buildings while she was walking around. And she managed not to flood everyone out with her huge crocodile tears. So cute. But no joke, that would have been emotional for anyone…..let alone a ridiculously young 17 year old. America voted….but you’ll have to wait because your blood pressure is not dangerously high enough yet… We’re back and here’s the trivia question of the week - Randy, didn’t you lose some weight last season? What happened to that diet? Just kidding, he asked who was in the finals last season. Are you kidding me? So stupid….<sigh>….Blake has an emotional Papa….oh geez…..emotional dads make me cry like a baby. I can’t handle that kind of nonsense. Blake was in Seattle, I wonder if Skywalker went to see him? I’m betting not. Papa is so proud. All the little teeny boppers are crying their little hearts out. Seacrest pretends like we’re gonna hear if he’s in or not….hahaha…fool me once Ryan. America voted and…..we’ll find out later. So Eliot is here to sing….his album is called….get this - Eliot Yamin. He’s got Josh Groban hair…heehee….is he really singing? I think he may be lip-synching. So Eliot - is this the best gig you’ve had since you got voted off? This is the first song I have heard of the album….not bad. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think he should have won or anything….but not bad. So Seacrest makes him stand up to get judged. I can literally see him panicking…but now he’s giving the kiddies advice. Come on, Eliot. You’re a loser, nobody cares what you think. Babye Eliot, stop thanking people already….The Ford commercial this week literally had absolutely no plot or point that I can get… So Melinda is up now. Melinda, what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done in your life? Stolen something? Cheated on a test? Buried any bodies? I’m betting she’s done something….something really really worth keeping secret. Recap of her songs…and Seacrest read off what everybody said about her. The votes are in and the results are coming up. Maroon 5 is playing now. I like this guy…he just looks like he’s really cool. He also reminds me of a friend of ours. So that was good. Now tell me who’s in the finals. Come on!!!!!!!!! So Ryan - when exactly do you know what the results are? Do you dress yourself? Jordin is in the finals. So I guess we know who it’s gonna be right? It’s an all-girl final. That’s cool, right? Have we ever had that? I don’t think so…..Ryan says almost 60 million votes and America has decided…..
Ok. I’m sorry. I have to pull myself together for a minute here. Doolittle is going home. My mysterious cool rocker dude is playing her off the show. My head is spinning. This makes no sense. None. I feel sick to my stomach….I have stepped into the twilight zone. I'm too disgusted right now to rant. This show is pathetic. I don't think I'll be watching next season....if there is a next season.
So here’s a question for you gators - does anyone really care who wins? Later, Heather 16 maggio 333The final three are here tonight. They went home this week. Blah blah blah. Hello Seacrest. Still panicking about all the reality TV winding down. By the end of the month, I’m gonna have nothing to talk about it….except myself. Nice tie, Ryan. Say hi to our judges (our three judges)….Randy is wearing a really gross shirt. Simon is wearing his standard grey shirt. Three songs tonight. Jordin is up first. Simon picked ‘Wishing On a Star’. She looks cute. I wouldn’t mind if she won. So what was with the weather today? Kind of warm outside for May…right? <sigh> Hey, nobody says I have to like this. So the song was about 45 seconds long because they have NO TIME. Randy says, who’s in it to win it. Paula says, Simon picked a good song for you. Simon says you sang it brilliantly, he says he didn’t like the arrangement. Seacrest reads off the nine hundred numbers you can call to vote for her, and Jordin slings him over her shoulder and walks off the stage. Blake is up now. Paula picked his song….big surprise. Roxanne. The Police, nice choice. I don’t like the echo they put on his voice, which I didn’t notice until the Hubby pointed it out. The back-up singers sound off-key to me. Save Ferris!! He’s cute, but he shouldn’t win. Randy gives him an ‘A’. Paula thought he was fantastic. Simon says, I’m not going to call it earth-shattering…because it wasn’t. Doolittle is singing now. Whitney Houston…who he’s worked with before. The Mayor called him Randy Johnson….hahahahaha. Well if anybody can sing this, it’s Doolittle. Kind of boring in the beginning….but wait….we’re just working up to the good part. There’s the shivers I’ve been missing. Nice. I liked it. Randy loved it, naturally. Paula says fantastic. Simon says very very difficult song to sing, your best performance in the last few weeks. Round One to Melinda, according to Simon. Simon asks Seacrest if he’s drunk…humph….we’ve done that bit before Simon. Ryan reads off Melinda’s numbers. And then jokes, time for a cocktail. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Good one Ryan. Jordin is up again. What’s her favorite song…stupid questions….and what does she say? M’Bop by Hanson….never mind. She shouldn’t win. That’s just ridiculous. The Producers picked ‘She Works Hard for The Money’ for her. This sounds fantastic. Cute shoes. Those heels look dangerous, but she’s so graceful all 12’10” of her. Randy liked it. Paula says you worked hard….<sigh>…..that was retarded….and Simon goes, that was hilarious with that typical British sarcasm…..and during all if his comments, which I didn’t pay attention to - Paula is giggling. Heehee. Ryan is shaking his head, he needs to watch this back because he doesn’t know what’s going on…. Blake is up now and here’s another stupid question. If your life was a movie what would it be called and who would play you…who cares….he’s singing Maroon 5, This Life. Good choice to The Producers. This sounds exactly the same…oh wait, so Randy did NOT scare him off beat boxing. Good on ya Blake…do your thing dawg. HAHAHAHAHA. I wish I was drunk….this would probably be a lot more entertaining. Randy thought it was a good fit for him. Paula said….oh whatever. Simon said better than the first song, it didn’t sound like a copy cat performance….um. Ok. Doolittle is singing tonight. So what’s her question? Who was your idol? Oh come oooooooooooooooon. The Producers picked Ike and Tina Turner…something tells me……yup. This is a GREAT fantastic choice for her. Nutbush City Limits. ???? What? They couldn’t afford a more familiar song? Anyway, it was great. Randy loved it. Paula just smiled a lot. Simon really likes this girl. I think he’ll produce her record even if she doesn’t win. Which would just be ridiculous…. Hurry hurry hurry….we have no TIME!! Jordin is up last - “I Who Have Nothing”. Has she sang this before? This sounds familiar….I mean really familiar….but good idea. Because it sounds pretty friggin wonderful. The place is going crazy. Randy says best performance of the night. Paula says…something that made no sense. I think I may be crazy….but it kind of sounded like Paula called her Loser…..weird. If you have it on tape, play it back. Simon says too old-fashioned. Yeah, maybe. Jordin says, it’s not a sixty year old song. Snap. Blake is singing now, some Robin Thicke or something…I didn’t catch what the song was. He got to beat box for Sir Mix-A-Lot back home. That is so cool. This is his wheel house….very cool. I think he sounds awesome. Very fun. I bet Paula is dancing. Randy says awwwight. Paula says three great songs after stumbling over a couple other nonsensical things she tried to mutter. Simon says, I liked it. You don’t play it safe. You look like you’re having a blast. Doolittle is singing last. She had a street named after. That’s kind of cool. I want a street. I’m a Woman. There’s that fun attitude….and what does she do? Goes back and sings with the back-up singers. I wanted that to be a lot longer than it was. W. O. M. A. N. Hot hot hot. Randy says you could sing the phone book. Paula says, you’re stepping out into the spotlight. Simon says, you deserve the finals more than anyone else. So who’s it gonna be? Who’s in the finals? I’ll tell who I want. Jordin and Doolittle. But honestly, any of them can make, as long as Doolittle is there. Randy says, two girls will make it. Paula says, no comment. Simon says, Melinda. <smile> And that’s why he’s so fabulous. One more week gators. One more week. Hang in there, Heather 12 maggio Those Were The Days and Other StuffWhat I wouldn't give for another Kelly on this season!! And in case you missed it...here's the Stayin' Alive video from the Idol Gives Back show -
Lisa Kudrow makes me laugh. And one more thing that I just thought was kind of funny...very appropriate for this season -
So anyway. I'll watch the rest of the season just so I can tell all of you adoring loyal fans what happened. I hope you all appreciate this sacrifice.
Later gators,
Heather 10 maggio Dream Girls?Hello to everyone hanging in there till the bitter end, It’s vote off night. Is anyone excited about this? Seacrest is talking about nothing….movie promos, Barry Gibb, Pink…….the judges have changed seats…..well, Simon and Paula switched seats. Is this supposed to be entertaining? Ryan says Simon was brilliant….Simon says, it’s not just about me, this two had something to do with it too. Now, just in case you could not bring yourself to watch last night, they give us the 4 minute recap of last night’s hour long torture-fest. Ryan is doing his “man on the street” interviews with the morons of LA. Seacrest says, you can tell we have an hour to fill tonight. HAHAHA yeah I can. 45 million votes were cast last night…. Now we’re promoting the concert and all the kiddies that will be on it….including Sanjaya. <shaking my head> Pink is singing tonight. Oh sure. Pink….Barry Gibb….Pink….BeeGees….makes sense. I like Pink. She’s fun. Cute outfit. Oh, the Ford commercial of the week…I think I’ve been missing this lately. <sigh> I really have nothing to say about it. Here’s this week’s trivia question - which American Idol went to Africa to sing for the charity event. Well…let’s see….Rubin hasn’t been singing since he won the show…at least not that I have heard….and Bo? I think he may have been a figment of our imagination….it’s obviously Carrie. Come on…that was like two weeks ago. Now the kiddies are doing a tribute to Barry Gibb…um…isn’t Barry Gibb singing tonight too? So….why not sing something else….I’m just saying…there’s only so much Barry Gibb a person can handle. Doolittle’s microphone wasn’t working at the beginning of the song….I bet that person is fired. This sounds just as bad as last night did. So now Seacrest is interrogating the kiddies about why they think they screwed up so much last night. Lakisha said she was having a bad day (uh oh...premonition?). We got to see a blip of Simon’s girlfriend..or fiancee…whichever it is…she’s pretty. So the kiddies got to see a sneak peek of the Fantastic Four movie. Jessica Alba is the audience and the Hubby is drooling all over himself. Now we get to hear about them when they were kids….this is kind of cute. Kept my attention for a couple of seconds…ok, now that you’ve opened up your souls and we've made you cry….we will crush one of your dreams forever. And this week’s loser is - Jordin is safe. And now we get to hear Barry Gibb sing. And apparently the AI producers are not filthy rich enough. They are taking audition tapes for a Battle of the Bands type show. Barry Gibb did a pretty good job..you know he can actually sing. We’re back from the break. Doolittle is safe…so it is down to Lakisha and Blake. <Sigh> All too predictable. Randy does not know who its gonna be. Simon thinks its gonna be Lakisha. Paula gives her standard pep talk.
And now ladies and gents….some actual legitimately surprising news - Lakisha is going home. Craziness. This was one of the original sob stories - you remember? Oh Lord. I can’t feel bad for her though. She has definitely, without a doubt, given herself a very real real shot at a great career. And then she sings us off the show with that standard that I love, Stayin Alive. Tears rolling down her face, our girl gives it her all. Oh, it’s been brought ‘en. Don’t get me wrong, still a pretty boring show all in all. But the last five minutes were good TV. Later gators, Heather 09 maggio Tonight on HouseHello to everybody waiting for House to come on, The top four are left. Three girls and one guy. Seacrest says its up to us to decide who goes to the finale. Woop de doo. Say hello to our judges - Randy, Paula and Simon. Simon is wearing a white shirt tonight. Interesting….not really but what else am I gonna talk about. Oh, I know. The BeeGees and Barry Gibb. Because that’s what we’ll be listening to tonight kiddies. Lord help me know. I have never never never understood the disco phenomenon….but let me tell you this. Sanjaya would have been great at it. Seacrest reminds us that the show lives and dies by the music….ok. Here we go. The kiddies are singing two songs each. Dr. Doolittle sang first. Inside and Out or something like that. She shook her head back and forth 782 times during the performance and shook her hands constantly like she was shaking maracas. Randy said this is gonna be an interesting night. Nobody can criticize her…blah blah blah. Simon says, Paula was attempting to say that she wasn’t that impressed by it. Simon said it was not incredible. He called it a back-up singer performance. Everybody is kind of bickering. That’s Simon-2...Paula-1 and Randy never plays these games. Randy demonstrates to us how to text message. Thanks. Beatbox is singing You Should Be Dancing…I think that’s the name. This may be the only performance I actually enjoy. Very playful. But I kind of hate it. Without really hating him. God I hate this music. Sorry people, I realize this is going to be a very biased review. I do like the Flock of Seagulls frosting in his hair though…that was kind of cool. Randy said for the eleventh time tonight “interesting”. He thought it was corny. Paula said you were out of tune, but then you showed true ‘musicianship’. I really don’t think that’s a word Ms. Abdul…but apparently Microsoft spellcheck thinks it is. Simon said it was terrible. Seacrest is trying to beatbox….I’m going to thro-oh oh oh oh--up. Oprah is singing now. Wow we’re really flying through this first half hour. She’s singing Stayin’ Alive….so at least I can think of a John Travolta strut while she sings. This sounds pretty good….nice voice. Weirdly enough, this sounded kind of beatbox too. She kept going - I I I I …..I I I I I. Randy didn’t like it. Don’t change the melody. Paula said it was too slow. Simon said no kiss tonight. Verging on scary. Ok. Bring it. Seacrest says Rough start tonight. No s(&^%t Ryan. That’s because this music….while it may not actually suck as much as I am saying….is really hard to sing. And we’re back with another stupid viewer question. What have you learned about yourself, River? Who cares. Seriously. No one ever says anything interesting. Barry really liked her version of Love Somebody (?). So, I hope this blows me away. Good Lord, she’s loud. I thought this was the best performance in the first half of the show. Very nice. What’s with the dress over the jeans? I don’t get it. Randy said that was the best, kind of Mariah. Paula says, you’re beautiful and that was the best. Simon said, best song choice, best performance so far….and NO ONE mentioned that she is 17.…so I will. Seacrest says thank you Jordin and then she picks him up and carries him off stage. Dr. Doolittle tells us that the first tape she bought was Michael Jackson, Bad. Tape. See that? Tapes, kiddies. There was such a thing long long ago in a galaxy far far away known as the 80’s. HAHAHAHAHA. Anyway, she’s singing How Can You Mend a Broken Heart. This is booooooooooooooooooooooooooring. Somebody tape her hand to her side…she looks like she’s signing the song to us. Beautiful voice, as always. Best voice, as always. But still boring. I hate this music. Have I said that enough yet. Randy says the second song was much better, you’re still the resident pro. Paula said …something….I didn’t get it all. Simon said the second half of that song put you into the finals. Beatbox is singing, This Is Where I Came In. More beat boxing…oh boy. Blake I think there is such a thing as too much beatbox. It is cool though. This song is terrible. I think Blake might be going home. There is a squirrel attacking the bird feeder I put up on the deck outside. He is literally swinging on it back and forth. The Pumpkin is completely mesmerized and completely useless in dissuading the squirrels from eating all of those stupid seeds. I don’t think it’s the rabid squirrel that roams around the neighborhood…which probably isn’t rabid….but it is blind in one eye which makes it look crazy. Oh…oh yeah American Idol is on…right. Randy didn’t like it. Paula says you are a contemporary rebel. She is completely out of her mind. Maybe Paula is rabid. Or high on something. Simon thought it was completely tuneless, not a good night. Judge Judy is in the audience. She kisses Simon. That’s cute. Ryan points out Simon’s mum. Awwwwwwwwwww. Oprah is singing Run To Me. Apparently the song is supposed to change keys 3 or 12 times during the songs. She’s got a scary kelly green dress on. When did kelly green become the new black? Her boobs are hanging out…well hell…if you’ve got it, flaunt it…right? Me personally, not much of a believer in that. But that’s why I’m an auditor and not a famous pop singer. Heehee. Ok, so the song was kind of dull. The squirrel ran away, or fell off the railing….not sure which. Randy said better. Paula said you’re a champ. Simon said it’s either you or Blake. Reeeeeeeeeeeeally. We’re running out of time now and so they are rushing us through. River is singing us off with Woman In Love. Barbara Streisand apparently sang this song. Oh boy. Barry really likes her. Pretty dress…is it green too? Maybe I’m color blind…maybe its turquoise. Pretty. Anyway, the song is gorgeous. Someone is going to the finals. The finals of the finals. Anyway. The Hubby thought it was too loud….but that’s probably because he was trying to sleep during this. Randy said not the best performance, kind of pitchy. So now Randy gives props to Barry Gibb. Paula says not your best…she is stuttering through her stupid advice...probably needs another pill. Simon thought it was too old-fashioned, pageantry. And then Seacrest speed talks through the last 30 seconds of the promos. And they made it. Later gators, Heather………..OUT 03 maggio You Won't Believe What Happened Last Night?!?!?!?!Hello American Idol Rockstars, Seacrest is telling us that time is running out for two of our contestants. Nice suit, Seacrest. I wonder if Simon is going to kiss anyone tonight? Ryan promises us, no filler. Yeah right. We know better. Say hi to our judges Randy, Paula and Chest Hair. Ryan is trying to interview everyone…and it completely deteriorates…we’re talking about Simon’s puppet….and now the recap. What do the people think? Ryan’s Man on the Street interviews….no one thought Jordin did well. Uh oh. Lakisha said she would kiss Simon again. Ruben Studdard is here tonight promoting the Idol Gives Back donation line. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm….where’s he been? Didn’t anyone tell him that show was last week? So anyway, we’re back. Ryan is talking to the kiddies again about last week. Blah blah blah. There’s really only so many times you can beat a dead horse. We’re recapping last week’s show now? Come oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon…………Robin Thicke is singing a song. Who the hell is this guy? I am so confused…..and when did the guy from Growing Pains start a singing career? Maybe they’re related. Fantasia is begging for money too. Here’s the freaky Ford commercial for the week….we’re in a circus or something….everybody looks weird….and they’re singing Painted Black, which is a good song….when the kiddies are not singing it. Time for the results. Melinda stand, Phil stand, Lakisha stand. Now come to the center of the stage. Melinda is safe. Yeah yeah yeah….we know. Lakisha is safe. Phil is going home. Hmmmm…is that what I said yesterday? I think it is. I am soooooooooooooo good at this. And here is my song….oh wait………no…..it’s not my song. What’s this? Babye Moby. We’re not really going to miss you…but sing anyway. It wasn’t too bad. Lakisha was crying like a baby. He had to go eventually kiddies, don’t cry. Say hi to the trivia challenge winner. The super tough question of the week is where did the kiddies go during this week’s Ford commercial…..ummmmmmmmmm…..didn’t we just see this? Yeah. It was the circus morons. Jordin, Blake, and Chris are standing now and almost immediately Seacrest says Jordin you are safe. I am not going to put you through this again after last week. Well, that was nice. And we’re off the break…you know because they have to drag this out for the whole hour. Before we hear the results, first we get to hear Bon Jovi. Cool. This is supposed to be the highlight of the night. It was a very nice song. Jon says you all did a great job. Seacrest asks if he wants to predict the winner…and Jon goes, not on your life. Smart man. Now Taylor is begging for money. I guess all the losers…I mean past winners besides Kelly….are on this week. So we’re still waiting for the results. So they’re best friends…and this is kind of sappy. Jesus Christ. Please make it stop. Was I ever this young? I don’t think so. Chris is going home. Oh….did I call it or did I call it. I am so friggin awesome. So the final four are - Doolittle, Oprah, River, and Beatbox. Nice. I can live with that. And now finally…here is my song. I was a little worried there for a minute. Chris is singing us off….and I have to admit I didn’t really listen. Honestly gators….this show is becoming a bit boring….if only because there is absolutely no competition for Doolittle. There is no controversy left (I.e., Sanjaya) and no more charity to cry about…..I’m not sure what is going to keep my interest for the next few weeks….but I’ll think of something for you. Don’t worry. I apologize for the misleading title to this entry....but I honestly couldn't think of anything else to write that would make your read this. If you truly believe that this is the first untruth I have told you....well just keep right on thinking that. Later, Heather 02 maggio Slippery When WetWe’re down to six. This week is Bon Jovi week. Two people are getting voted off…the pressure is on kiddies!!! Seacrest welcomes us in his black on black ensemble. I like the facial hair. Kind of cute. Last week, we raised almost $70 million dollars for the cute poor kids of the world. Hello to our judges - Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul and Simon ‘I’ve been in the sun’ Cowell. Haha. And let’s introduce all the teeny boppers to Bon Jovi and his hair band legacy. Jon says the kiddies have to be sincere and make the songs your own. Good advice. Moby is up first - Blaze of Glory. This is from the movie Young Guns. Nice. Kiefer Sutherland is in the movie. Moby says he has been this song for about fifteen years. Ok…Moby. It’s time. Bring it. He’s walking around in the audience….he sounds pretty good. Wow…pretty good. He keeps pointing at people and looking in the camera. He actually looks pretty comfortable on the stage. I liked it. Randy, with his huge diamond studs on, lets us all know that he recorded that song for Jon (such a shameless name dropper)….so anyway he loved it. Paula says this is the best opening we have ever had. Simon says I thought it was ok and the boos start. He thought he was like a bad actor in the middle of the song and he doesn’t think Moby has done enough to last until next week. And now the judges are arguing about what it the truth and who is telling it….hmmm….already the bickering starts. Ryan reads off Phil’s four hundred numbers you can use to vote for him. We’re back and Seacrest is talking about the Idol Tour and says hello to Gina (Tattoo Girl) who wishes she could have been singing during rock week. River says, my mom is gonna flip out. Oh boy, not totally sure Jon considered that a compliment. She’s singing Livin’ on a Prayer. Her hair is all teased out - nice touch. Good Lord, she’s either twelve feet tall or they picked the tiniest guitar players they could find to stand next to her. I think she sounds pretty good….but this isn’t very original. She does have a tendency to get a little bit screechy sometimes….but still…I liked it. But it could have just been the song I liked….so Randy goes yo yo yo check it out. Randy says interesting, this was tough for you….he says the verses were a little tough. Not your best. Paula says I give you credit for going for it even though it was a little bit out of your range. Jordin says, give it to me Simon. Simon says the look is like something out of the Addams Family. The singing was out of control, verging on shrieking….absolutely completely lost control. It was terrible. Wow….Seacrest says thank you Herman Munster…HAHAHAHAHHA and then we get the shot of Simon rolling his eyes. He’s very good at that. They should really give him a step stool when she’s talking to him. Oprah is up now. Seacrest says everyone say hello to Lakisha. Ryan says, you want to sit down and she goes no, I want the camera to get my slim side. Nice. She says she’s gonna give us summin, summin. Heehee…is this a personality coming out of Miss Lakisha? She’s singing This Ain’t a Love Song. Jon says it’s a soul singer’s song….Bon Jovi doesn’t think she’s going anywhere this week. Well, he’s very confident. The beginning of the song sounded a little flat, those low notes are a little skeevy. I think this sounds pretty good other than that….but she’s just standing there….and then she hits those strong notes. Yup. That’s why she’s still here. Nice. Randy is trying to talk. I saw you singing that to Simon, hahaha, Randy thought it was pretty pitchy at the beginning but then you blew it out of the box. Paula says you definitely gave us something. Good job. Simon says….Lakisha. I actually could kiss you after that…and then….he does. BRILLIANT. Right on the lips. He says you absolutely nailed it. Simon is still trying to get Lakisha’s lipstick off of his face. HAHAHAHAHA. Simon is poking Paula who won’t stop giggling. Beatbox is singing You Give Love a Bad Name. Bon Jovi says this is an adventurous rendition. Uh oh. I grew up on this song, Blake. Don’t mess it up. Please. Jon says, this is rolling the dice. He died his hair black…and this is completely beatbox. The refrain is the same, which helps. I can’t decide. It sounds cool….but I love this song. And there’s a LOT of beatbox in this…..and I kind of hate to admit it….it sounds really cool. Weird. I actually liked it. Randy is trying to talk over the crowd which is going completely crazy. Randy says you get an award for the most original version on AI, and that was hot. Paula says this was a huge leap of faith. But it was awesome. Simon says you’re very brave. Half the audience will love it and the other half will hate it. And that is exactly what you should have done and that is exactly why you will be here next week. I agree. Oh my goodness…even Seacrest is calling him Justin Timberlake. More internet questions, which I will not bore you with. Chris even thought it was a stupid question. He’s singing Wanted Dead or Alive. Chris says someone had to sing this. And he didn’t know all the words in rehearsal. Oh hell. Bon Jovi says find the bluesy note, because this is a blues song. Sell the emotion. Ok. Here’s another one I grew up on, so make it good. I don’t like it. But to be completely fair, I don’t like him. He’s not even close to as talented as Justin Timberlake…and not as cute….so that’s two strikes. Nothing original about this version. This seems kind of slow too. Maybe because he doesn’t have Jon’s lung power. And um, Bogart and my mysterious cool rocker dude looked much better carrying that mic stand around the stage. Strike three. Randy says check it out, I was kind of worried about this week, but you made it your own. Nice. Paula says you don’t have anything to worry about. [Yes he does.] Simon says you did as much as you possibly could with that song. But I’m not sure it’s enough to stay around. And then Paula goes, yeah he did. Paula has some trouble counting….because TWO have to go Paula….so everyone can’t stay. Dr. Doolittle is our closer this week. She says I am so bad at rock…and Jon Bon Jovi says I can teach you rock. Heehee. Nice. She’s singing Have a Nice Day. She’s so cute. I don’t care if this is an act. She’s strutting across the stage. Hello Tina. This is not her strong point….but she has got some attitude up there. It’s convincing even though this may not be the best….she’s owning it ladies and gentlemen. She says Have a Nice Day and I know exactly what she really means. It’s awesome. Randy says I don’t know if its your best performance, but another great one. Paula says how did it feel to be a rock star. Simon says it was like a young Tina Turner. Vocally in a different league than everyone else. Yeah…she’s still your American Idol. And now The President of the United States. George is thanking us for donating….and he asks Laura if he should sing something….wow. Really? The President? You all know I don’t talk about politics on this blog…so I’ll keep my comments to myself. So this week is kind of tough. I think our two biggest losers will be Timberlake definitely and Moby maybe, but it could also be Beatbox….even though I hope it’s not. Rock on gators, Heather 26 aprile LifesaverHello America,
Idol Gives Back Night….finally. We’ve been hearing about it all season. Seacrest pretends like messes up the teleprompter…come on. So it’s “live”….whatever. The kids are all in white suits. Hmmmm….I smell a song coming up right off the bat. Well, I’ll just go ahead and lay it out there – this had better be the most awesome two hours of television….EVER. Because, Seacrest has been talking about this like it’s the greatest thing since Elvis on the Ed Sullivan show.
Over 70 million votes…..what? WHAT? The most shocking results…..ever. Um. Uh oh. This doesn’t sound good. And now I have to wait to hear what it is?!?!?!? AAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. This is not fair. That’s like twice as many as usual. Hmmmm…their guilt trip worked apparently. Oh and tonight they want us to pay money….for the kiddies….oh boy. How the hell are they going to send someone home tonight? We love you...but you suck. Only on Fox, ladies and gentlemen. Randy has got a suit on tonight, very fly my man. Paula’s got her boobs on display. And Simon is wearing a jacket also, with the shirt unbuttoned again. <shaking my head>
Ryan goes to Ellen in some other auditorium. Ellen says, give us your money. And then she lists off some of the acts. And the first act of the night is Earth, Wind & Fire. And then we have a flashback to August 31, 2004. When the auditions were held at the Louisiana Superdome. An American tragedy. And Randy is taking us on tour of his home state. It’s crazy that this place is still such a mess. It’s been two years and still people are living in FEMA trailer parks. And their community center? Is like a barn with all the walls ripped off…completely unbelievable. Now Randy is reading off the donation phone number. Oh hell. Now I’m definitely gonna have to give them some money. I’m such a sucker. Hey….that was the Bollywood twins in the audience!
So the kids get an anthem for tonight and they sing it to another montage of cute little kid faces….Quincy Jones wrote the song for them. Time to Share. It’s kind of bubble gum…but hey….I have a feeling this entire night is going to feel very telethon…so whatever. They apparently also have celebrities promoing the phone number and begging for money. David Schwimmer. Ben Stiller….has gray hair? What’s going on? Is that make-up? So now Stiller is singing…..and he says he’s not going to stop until we raise 200 billion dollars. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA. Now he’s dancing. They pause for a second, and he says where’re we at? Some guy off camera says $8,000. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.
Now we’re getting to see Simon and Ryan in Africa again. 1.2 million people living in a space the size of Central Park. They meet a kid….a kid….whose parents are dead. He takes care of his seven year old sister. He lives in a one room shack. And the kid starts crying. I think Simon might be crying. I am certainly bawling my eyes out at this point. He and his sister are all alone. He’s 12. And he’s a brother, and a father. And he wants to go to school to help himself. Simon….would you please button up your shirt! Simon won’t look at the camera…I think he’s emotional?
Terri Hatcher begs for money and looks completely ridiculous with that dye job. Is that what she looks like on Desperate Housewives? Good Lord. Forrest Whitaker asks for money. Seacrest says he’s going to find out who’s safe in random order. Doolittle is safe. Oh thank goodness. I thought she might be the shocker. Now we’re on to Paula’s trip to the Boys and Girls Club in Hollywood. Hollywood? B&G Clubs are all over the nation. The sister-in-law’s hubby runs one in Laurel. They do a lot of good for these kids. So one girl is trying to tell Paula how much she likes dancing….and she says it expresses who I am because my mom works three jobs and it’s hard for us to pay the bills….and then she just starts crying. I don’t know if I can handle this….
Il Divo (how’d they get them? Wink) is singing ‘Somewhere’. Ok, I am fairly certain a lot of you are not big fans of this opera group….but I am. Sorry to disappoint you. But I like pretty much anything that is actually good music. Even eyebrow arching opera guy. And the video montage in the background of even more cute kids blowing out candles, informs us that every 3 seconds a child dies in poverty. Please. I’m going through the entire box of Kleenex.
Dr. Phil and Dr. House are asking us for money. Seacrest wants someone from the audience to donate $50 to introduce the next act and what do you know – Jack Black is sitting in the audience….but instead of introducing the song…..he’s singing some Seal (from Batman Returns….hahahahahha) because he wants to be judged by the best judges in the world and points to our judges. Oh. My. God. Randy says, dawwwwwwwwwwwg. Paula says the School of Rock, they want their diploma back. And Simon says…well….it was better than Sanjaya. Jack Black says if Seal was hear, he would love it. And Randy goes, well you know what…Seal just happens to be here. Seal says that was the best rendition I have ever heard. Heehee. Painfully staged, but still kind of funny.
Blake is up next and he’s safe. Thanks for being so friggin melodramatic, Ryan. So Carrie Underwood went to Africa too. Every 30 seconds a child in Africa is orphaned by AIDS. Many of them are HIV positive themselves. This was a very pretty version of the song. Very pretty. I might actually put this one on my Shuffle.
Now Ellen is introducing Rascal Flatts….well at least they do have a lot of music on this show. Seriously….a LOT of music. More music than the Grammy’s. This is fun…except for the fact that I burst into tears every 3 minutes. The co-founder of MySpace is in the audience…and they’re donating too. So now we’re in Kentucky to see more poor kids in our own country. Only 5 of the 233 families that have kids in the elementary school can afford $1.50 for their lunch. Unemployment in this area is twice the national average. Half the adults in this county did not finish high school. Many people can’t read. Many parents can’t read. Paula is on stage now showing off her boobs and asking for money….oooo…..that didn’t sound good, but you know what I mean. She is shorter than Seacrest. Wow.
Neat commercial in the middle of the show about an organization called One…where organizations worldwide are apparently banding together to fight poverty. Might be a website worth checking out – www.one.org. Now here’s the Ford commercial. The kids are driving the mustangs to a drive in theater. Now we have celebrities lip synching to Stayin Alive. This was hysterical. I mean BIG celebrities. I had to pause the DVR for this, but I made a list – Keira Knightly, Teri Hatcher, Rob Lowe, Goldie Hawn, LeBron James, David Schwimmer, Gwyneth Paltrow, Hugh Laurie, Helena Bonham-Carter, Hugh Grant, Sarah Michele Gellar, Shaq, Dr. Phil, Seacrest (?), Helen Mirren, Blue Man Group, Marc Antony, Lisa Kudrow, Chris Cattan, American Pie guy, Will (but not Grace), Kirstie Alley, Rob Schneider, Michael Buble, Kevin Bacon, Miss Piggy, Parminder Nagra (Dr. Neela on ER). I missed some of them…but that was most of them.
Seacrest reminds us again that the results will shock us. Moby is standing now, and he is safe. It was supposed to be Timberlake remember….but that would not shock me….Now we’re back to Simon and Seacrest in Africa. One mom and 13 kids (only three are her own, the rest are AIDS orphans). They live in a shack. Simon cannot even stay in the room and he walks out saying, intolerable. Then they visit another woman, who is literally dying while we watch. Simon says, take her to hospital. But she died two days later. Hard to watch? Lord help us all if this is the progress we have made in our few millennia on this planet…..Ellen is in tears (quite sincere, I believe) and tells us that she is personally donating $100,000. And now….this is gonna make me cry like a baby - Josh Groban is singing You Raise Me Up….which is an absolutely gorgeous song, backed by the African Children’s Choir. Yup. Made me cry. Like a fat hungry baby. The kids gave him a big group hug at the end…which I’m not sure he was expecting….very cute.
The execs from Exxon are here. Apparently, they gave a whole lot of money. The celebrities are telling us how many funerals they have been to in their lives – Julia Roberts has been to five funerals, Keira Knightly has been to two, Helen Mirren is two, Gwyneth Paltrow is seven, Tom Cruise has been to eleven, Kevin Bacon has been to six, Matt Damon has been to seven, Chris Daughtry has been to four…..you see where this is going? Now we get our African villager spokesman Joe and he’s been to….just guess….280. Two hundred eighty funerals. That’s like everyone I have ever met in my entire life. And the chills ran right down my spine. Malaria kills one child every 30 seconds in Africa. The TV crew picked up a woman fifty miles away from the hospital because her baby was sick….but they didn’t make it in time to help him.
Now Kelly Clarkson, our original Idol, is singing featuring Jeff Beck. She’s so pretty. Weird dress. But man oh man can she sing. Loved it. Can we vote for her again? That definitely going on the iPod. Ben Stiller is still singing. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Now we’ve got the Simpsons version of the American Idol. Simon is trying out singing “Dontcha” and Marge (as Randy), Lisa (as Paula) and Homer (as Simon) are judging him. Hysterical. Now we’re back to the results. Oprah is standing now – and she is safe. So it’s between Chris and Jordin. Oh maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan...
Now more poverty in America. We can buy “emotional” survival kits for the kids. What? Emotional survival? Oh my goodness. They’re only $25. I think I could use one of those right now....Now we have a duet between Celine Dion and Elvis…this is kind of cool CG stuff. Elvis was a big star for those of you who are too young to know who he was….and for those of you who are big rabid fans (you know who you are)….try to keep the drool to a minimum. Pretty cool. Now we get to see Madonna in Africa. She’s in Malawi. She’s asking for money…..help “us” in any way you can.
Seacrest tells us that we have already raised $30 million. But that's not even the number of votes from last night....And now we have the trivia question – Who sang the final song in last year’s season finale. Huh…this one is kind of hard. It was either gray-haired guy or Kissy….I can’t remember. And now Annie Lennox. She’s fantastic. I love her. And she looks good too. And now here’s a montage of the kids saying “Thank you.” You know what…I don’t need to retire…any time soon. Give it all to them. I can't stand this.
Back to the results – between Chris and Jordin. I have a baaaaaaaaaaaaaad feeling about this. Chris is safe. Jordin is going home. Wait a minute…..now Seacrest says….I told you this was gonna be shocking……Jordin, you are also safe. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Touche! Way to give Jordin a heart attack. Seacrest goes, how can we send someone home on a charity night. THANK YOU!!! That's what I said. Next week the bottom two are going home. And finally we get to see Bono, the founder of one.org. He had some very sage advice about being able to make a difference. How would you feel, being able to save someone’s life?
Money might not make the world go 'round gators....but it does feed starving kids. Please. Your latte factor can keep a child alive. Really think about that for a moment. You don't need to give today. You can give tomorrow. Or when you can afford to give. Keep giving. Give in someone's name. One child. Save just one.
Later, Heather 25 aprile HopeHello American Idol Charity Balls,
The Final Six. Seacrest is guilting us into voting by saying that we can save all the cute little kids if we call in our votes. Ryan is going with the scruffy look tonight, in the suit. Sexy Ryan….very sexy. Special thanks to Ford and Coke…come on…..they have already successfully brainwashed us into buying their products without discretion. They do not need more thanks. Bono is the guest coach of the week. Really? Bono.
Seacrest talks about Simon and him going to Africa again. Yes….we’ve seen this already. A twelve-year old is the head of his household. Hell, I’m not responsible enough to take care of myself sometimes….It makes me want to cry. Little kids are my Achilles heel. Seriously. Sickness, poverty, starvation…..and yet……with their wide beautiful eyes….some of them can still smile. Poor Simon was quite taken aback by the whole affair. He calls it ‘Hell on Earth’. Seacrest says they have hope. I don’t know, Seacrest…..children don’t really know how to live any other way. When we pretend to be childlike, that’s when we find our hope.
Timberlake is singing Eric Clapton. Bad choice, Chris. Clapton has such a unique voice, you may have been able to get away with this if you had an amazing voice….but alas…..you don’t. And Clapton plays the guitar you know….quite well. Randy loved it. But seriously….how can you say anything negative about “inspirational” songs??? Paula says she’s proud. I still think it sucked. Simon said it was good. He thinks he did really well. I think he still has the cute little kids smiling in his head and is in an overwhelmingly magnanimous mood. Didn’t Seacrest say something about Bono? Did I get that wrong?
Dr. Doolittle is singing now. But Seacrest is reminding us again to vote and says for the 8 millionth time Idol Gives Back. Now we get to see the cute and desperate kids of our own country. Randy went to Louisiana. Kentucky. Arizona. These kids were so matter of fact about their conditions. One kid said – we have no education and there’s no jobs. Jesus Christ. This kid was like ten years old. You can’t be that young and need hope…you just can’t. Doolittle picked some Faith (irony) Hill and talks about the hope for a better tomorrow. Ok. Goosebump time. So, she can still sing. Nothing happened in the last week to change the fact that she is our next American Idol. Randy and Paula googoo over her. Simon said it was original. A vocal master class. Seacrest comments on Simon’s shirt, which is unbuttoned too far for our prudish American modern-day taste….yucky chest hair….but apparently this is a very British style (right, Team Limejuicer?).
Simon says again, vote….or the kids won’t get their Cokes. I keeeed, I keeeed. Beatbox gets an Internet question – what’s the biggest sacrifice. He says missing his family and friends. He’s singing John Lennon (Imagine). You know what….they’ve picked some pretty good songs so far…..I think it’s a very sweet rendition. I like this kid. He’ll have a good album when this is all over. Very nice. Randy liked the song, but not the performance. Just ok. Paula says, no it’s a simple song…you did right to keep the performance simple. It was emotional. She enjoyed it. Simon says you chose one of The big songs, so it’s kind of hard. The only problem for him, was it was kind of even. There was no crescendo. But sincere. Simon’s heart has been healed by those adorable kids, I think. And all the Who’s down in Whoville sang carols and danced around the Christmas tree. He’s still quite jolly.
We’re back [Idol Gives Back] and with every vote you call in, you have saved a life. Really Ryan? I’m not sure that’s entirely accurate. But ok. Ryan went to a ‘Feeding Center’ for the African orphans. Ryan is pitching his heart out. Oprah is singing some Fantasia. I kind of hate to say this, but it sounds a little flat right at the beginning. Like she’s singing too low. Seems like a good song for her powerhouse voice, though. Pretty dress. Randy says, not your best, but I liked it. Paula says you’re amazing and then she prattles on for a while. Simon says, let’s sum it up, Paula preferred Fantasia’s version. He has an issue with the shouting. And then the audience booed him off. Hahahahaha….
Moby is singing Garth Brooks. He misses his family and his little baby. Oh boy. I thought it was ok….but I wasn’t blown away by it. Randy said, it was good. Whatever. Paula says, you found your comfort. Whatever?!?! Simon says good choice of song, but the country tone suits your voice. People like you. Huh….Cowell has made up his mind who he wants to leave I think.
Miss River is singing last tonight with a showstopper. Seacrest says, vote to raise money for the kiddies. Vote vote vote. And then they show us more kids just in case this blatant guilt trip has not thawed out all of your icy cold hearts yets….Quote of the clip – “No one knows that people are starving in America.” Wow. Except I’ve worked in Bmore too long not to know that…..Simon does seem sincerely stunned. River is singing ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone.’ Pretty dress. The Hubby very apathetically reminded me that Jerry Lewis sings this every year on the telethon….and then he started chuckle-snorting. So, the little I actually heard of this between his completely ridiculous guffawing…was very very good. Randy thought it was one of the best vocals of anyone from any season (she’s 17)….woah Randy, let’s not get carried away. Paula said, glorious. Simon says, brilliant, fantastic. Even though the song is 60 years old, you’d have a hit record.
Hmmmm, so I know I haven’t done this in a while, but my pick for the Biggest Loser award this week goes to Timberlake. Pack your bags Chris. I think you should be going home next. Ryan gives Jordin his tie because she’s crying and Jordin pats him on the head like the little tiny Ken doll he is…..
Seacrest tells us all to vote and the Hubby asks….what’s the number for Sanjaya?
Finally. I can watch House without having to listen to the Hubby snicker every times he gets his call to go through….
Till tomorrow gators, Heather 19 aprile Why Is A Raven Like A Writing Desk?“But I don’t want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked. “Oh, you can’t help that,” said the Cat. “We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.” “How do you know I’m mad,” said Alice. “You must be,” said the Cat. “Or you wouldn’t have come.” Follow me now loyal fans….down the rabbit hole….and we shall see how far it goes. We are quickly running out of less-than-great singers to send home. So what do you think about tonight? Who’s it going to be? I think it is safe to say America has decided that Seacrest looks better in his snazzy suits. Say hi to Randy in his ridiculous hat, Paula in her straight jacket and Simon…..in his black shirt. Simon apologizes for rolling his eyes at Chris and assured us all that he was not rolling his eyes at the victims of Virginia Tech. So they played the entire clip of Simon talking to Paula instead of listening to anything that was going on onstage. Seacrest tells him there would be less confusion if he didn’t talk so much…………yeah………and less drama and less entertainment and less to write about afterward. <shaking my head> Seriously. For anyone to assume that he was rolling his eyes are the victims of a shooting spree? I mean….come on. I don’t see any horns sprouting out of his devil head, so I’m guessing he may actually have a heart….even if it is a bit small. So Ryan does his ‘Man on the Street’ interviews with the idiots of Hollywood….who cares? Do you? If you do, sorry….read about it somewhere else. Now the kiddies are singing some more country. Oh boy. Is anyone wearing a cowboy hat? Or some boots? <sigh> Not bad. And we’re back. Ryan introduces us to the winner from last week’s trivia question. This week’s question - who is considered this year’s rocker? Um….helloooooooooooooooooo. It’s Tattoo Girl. Come on. That’s so dumb. We got some behind the scenes with the kiddies and what music do they like. Now Fergie is singing. This is kinda weird. What’s so country about this? Where’s the theme? Did she not fit into any of this year’s themes? The Hubby is totally in love with her….so he doesn’t mind sitting through the whole song. Ryan is talking MySpace and the Idol Gives Back page or something. This is on next Wednesday - the most important event in American Idol history. Wow, they are really setting this up. Apparently it’s going to be a huge night. Sounds like a lot of fun. The list of celebs is a mile long. So Seacrest is dividing the groups into high number and low number of votes. So we have Bollywood, Beatbox and Oprah on one side of the stage. Moby, River and Timberlake on the other side. And Seacrest keeps Doolittle in the middle of the stage with him. But she’s safe so whatever….she clearly does not like Vote Night. Now Seacrest makes her pick a group that is safe. Ryan tells her to walk over to her group, so she sits right down in the middle of the stage. Nice. Now he tells her to slide to the left because Moby, Timberlake and River are safe….wha wha whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? Oprah and Beatbox are in the bottom three? That’s just weird. Paula says you should all be proud of yourselves, I understand why two of you are up there. Simon is grinning like the Cheshire Cat. He’s beginning to sense something. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm….meeeeeee tooooooooooooo. So we get some more filler fluff and get to see the kiddies getting a behind the scenes look at Shrek 3 with Jeffrey Katzenburg…..how cool is that? And now the kiddies are doing voice-overs and look who shows up? Antonio Banderas …..ooh la la….. And then they get to watch the movie. Antonio is in the audience. Um….did I say….OOH LA LA!!!!! And now we get to hear Miss Martina McBride. Here’s some real country, kids. This lady has the prettiest eyes I have ever seen. And her daughter, Emma….who was completely adorable. We’re back from the break and Seacrest says right off the bat - Beatbox is safe. It’s between Oprah and Bollywood. <evil wringing of my hands> Come on….come onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn…..over 38 million votes….Sanjaya is going home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. GLORY HALLELUJAH!!!! Babye Bollywood. He’s crying like a baby watching his montage. Good Lord, pull yourself together man. And now they make him sing….one…..last…..time. And it’s terrible. Thank you America. We have finally gotten all the way through the looking glass. Later gators, Heather 18 aprile The Magnificent SevenHello American Idol Cowboys and Cowgirls,
Good evening Ryan. Ryan says our thoughts and prayers are with Virginia Tech.
Slick suit Seacrest. Say hi to our judges. Does Cowell own anything other than gray shirts? Martina McBride is our guest coach of the week. The Hubby is already rolling his eyes. Country music is about story-telling, which may be why I like it. Martina comments that Simon doesn’t like country….not yet. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that he still won’t like it after tonight is over. Moby is singing ‘When the Blacktop Ends‘, by Keith Urban. Martina likes his voice….yeah….let’s see what he does with this. Ok, Moby…not bad….but where’s the hat? Come on kiddies. Get in the spirit!!! I have parked myself in front of the TV with my boots and hat, yeeeeeehawing at the appropriate times….much to the Hubby’s chagrin. Randy likes it, although he sounds surprised, he says you could have a career in country. Ok. Paula says you sounded good from the beginning to the end. Simon says, it’s only taken ten weeks….and surprise surprise…..he had absolutely nothing bad to say. Good song, good vocals, and some personality. We’re off to a rip-roaring start kids. So River is singing now. And she picked some McBride to sing….in front of Martina….ballsy. So here’s Jordin singing ‘A Broken Wing’. Pretty dress. She looks older than 17 (I’m sure Randy will say something like that)…and there’s that cute eyebrow arch thing she does. You can literally hear her getting carried away in the moment. Fun stuff. I like this girl. She can definitely sing. Randy says probably one of the most difficult songs to sing…and then he says 17 again….blah blah blah and finally he says that was da bomb. Paula liked it…and her dress <there’s the Paula we know and love>. Simon says this is the first time since we met, that I actually believe you could win this competition. Jordin is completely stunned. Very sincere.
Oh look Constantine Moralis….Mr. Oogey-looks-into-the-camera-himself….I bet he really hates Sanjaya.... Now up is Bollywood and Ryan is asking him an internet question. If you could make one of the judges sing one song what would it be and he says, I want Simon to sing Shiny Happy People. He listens to REM…..shocker. Let’s Give Em Something To Talk About. His goal? He wants to do Bonnie Raitt justice. He’s got some ridiculous bandana in his hair. He’s adorable, like the 14 year old girl he is…….the Hubby is singing along. I think he may actually be having fun now…..let me ask you something kids. Who do you know that can turn such negative energy into such a positive experience. Randy says, very karaoke. Paula says, you thrive on adversity. You’re lovable. Simon says, utterly horrendous. And then the Hubby starts booing….Seacrest has to stop the criticizing. Simon says, excuse me….who rattled your cage? Simon says, it was fun for a while…but we’re trying to find the American Idol. Seacrest says even if he nailed it would you have said anything nice? Simon is pissed now….he says watch last week’s show Big Mouth….I liked him then. Wooooooooooooooooooooo….the sparks are flying. Oprah is singing Jesus Take the Wheel by Miss Carrie Underwood. This is a beautiful song. Martina is welling up after she hears her sing….that’s sweet. Somehow I knew Lakisha wouldn’t be singing something upbeat….cause then she’d have to crack a smile. Like the gold boots….nice and tacky. She has an amazing voice….but you know what? It’s really not the same with no country twang…..that perfect southern twang that our little Dixie Chick perfected. But….it’s still sounded good. Randy says, a few pitch problems…not my favorite vocal….I think you could have done more with it, you should have made it more gospel. Huh? It was already gospel. Paula agreed with Randy….shocker. She says don’t worry, you’re fine. Simon says its like eating a hamburger for breakfast….it didn’t go well together. Simon says, you gave it the Lakisha treatment and it sounded like you were shouting. Pick the right song. Timberlake is singing Mayberry (Rascal Flatts). He reminds us that he has country roots, because he’s from Virginia. Oh Lord. Martina tried to say something nice about him. This starts out so far out of key….but then Rascal Flatts isn’t that good live either….so there you go. This is a horrible choice of song. Why don’t these kiddies let me pick their songs…..I could do so much better. But whatever. I’ll just keep complaining. The song never really got any better. I think Timberlake might have just guaranteed his trip home this week. Really really bad. Randy said I didn’t feel any emotion from you. Which is a nice way of saying, it totally sucked. Paula says the joy and the love you have on stage didn’t come through…..Simon says…Paula, Paula….I heard a very nondescript, nasally, tinny vocal that had no impact on me. Completely and utterly insignificant. I think the audience and I hear different things sometimes. Chris points out to Simon that nasally is a form of singing…and Simon goes, oh really? That was intentional? And then Chris goes my thoughts are prayers are with Virginia Tech, I have a lot of friends there, stay strong. I don’t think compassion will help you tonight. Dr. Doolittle is answering stupid questions from Ryan. She told a pretty funny story about a crazy fan. She’s singing Trouble is a Woman. Martina loved it. I think I’m gonna love it too. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!! LOVED IT!!! Lots of fun!! This girl can do absolutely anything. Brilliant. So Randy goes, all I can say is, another solid performance by our resident pro. Paula says you performed like there’s no tomorrow. Simon says, I’m about to compliment you. And I’m going to ask you to lose the surprise. <smile> Thanks Simon. He saw a little Tina Turner in her….huh….I agree. Beatbox is singing some Tim McGraw. Well ok then. This is so far out of his comfort zone. Martina really worked with him on this one…..there’s not really much country in this song….but he’s got a cute Ferris Bueller sweater vest on and his tennis shoes. Nice. He still looks pretty uncomfortable with the song….that’s ok hon. You’ll still be here next week. No worries. Randy liked that he arranged the song around what suited him, nice. Paula said pretty much the same thing. Simon says not a jumping out of my chair performance (and Paula goes under her breath, I’ve never seen you jump out of your chair) and then he offers his condolences to VA Tech too….and at least acknowledges that it’s been a tough week for the kiddies. For us all, Simon.... Here’s the thing. And there’s really no way to get around this. Death is inevitable. It will happen to us all. You should not fear it or mourn it or despise it. It is a natural part of the cycle. But tragedy is unexpected. Tragedy catches you off guard. It gives you an empty hollow feeling in the pit of your stomach. It makes you question having kids. It makes you question motives and religion. And if you’re capable of empathy….or forgiveness…..now you question your own sanity. Why would someone ever……………? Hurt a child? Fly a plane into a building? Keep shooting? I don’t have any answers for you, gators. Just don’t forget these people. Any of them. Tell a story about them someday. Put it in a song…..and maybe sing it with a charming southern twang. <smile> There will always be tragedy in this world, because we are human. We have an infinite capacity for it….which means….and this is important so pay attention…….we also have an infinite capacity for joy. “I believe in humanity. We are an incredible species. We’re still just a child creature, we’re still being nasty to each other. And all children go through those phases. We’re growing up, we’re moving into adolescence now. When we grow up - man, we’re going to be something!” - Gene Roddenberry Later gators, Heather
12 aprile Ocho Menos Uno Son Siete (They don't let just anyone graduate with a B.S. in accounting)Hola adorando ventiladores,
Hello Ryan. Say hello everyone. It’s Wednesday night which means millions of us are glued to the TV to see if our favorite has made it through. It’s an HOUR long!!! Holy cow. Say hi to Randy (The Dawg) Jackson, Paula (I’m an Airhead) Abdul and Simon (A Different Shade of Grey) Cowell. Simon says, yes I gave Sanjaya a compliment and yes I could still sleep after doing that. Heehee. Alright already….let’s not do a ‘Dancing With the Stars’ thing here. Keep it movin' Seacrest. The kiddies are singing another Latino number. Wow, Legs and Bollywood really do not harmonize well together. And this sounds just as bad as last night did….<sigh>….moving on. We’re back and Ryan tells us to say hello again to the trivia question winners from VA last week. The question - who sang with Meatloaf at last season’s finale. Come on. That was Kissy Kissalot. We all know that because we all read my magnificently insightful blog on a regular basis…..don’t we? Seacrest is talking about the voting now. Over 35 million votes this week. Ryan is doing his ‘Man On the Street’ interviews. Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooring. Who cares what these people think? A lot of people like Bollywood….must be sun poisoning. Akon is back singing another song….by himself this time. Sort of. Sorry kiddies, I wasn’t in the mood for this so I tivoed through it. [The Hubby is actually watching TV upstairs tonight] And the Ford commercial this week is a weak take-off of MJ’s Black & White video. Kind of eerily terrifying in a freakish horror movie way. Now Seacrest is talking about Idol Gives Back Again….more sponsors. Millions and millions are rolling in. And more pictures of the cute kids that we will be helping by watching AI. Simon is talking about what the cute kids will be getting. The cuties drew pictures of the Cowell and one of the girls drew boobs on Simon. That was pretty hysterical. Seacrest is trying to get Simon to sing at the Charity event. That is very funny. And then they show some funny re-edited clip of the auditions with Tony Bennett “auditioning” and not making it. They make him leave and the last thing you hear is Simon going …..’other door…..other door.’ HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA. Funny stuff. Before we get to the votes another (yes another) recap. Seacrest is talking to Melinda (does she ever stop smiling….she’s kind of like the Joker). Was Haley offended by what Simon said? Come on. Apparently Beatbox writes on his arms so he can remember the words. Moby is happy just to be here. Ok, now Seacrest is picking the worst three. Finally. Moby is in the bottom three…..again. Well, who didn’t see that coming? Oprah - is not smiling and is safe. Surprise, surprise. River is up next - with a cheeky grin she is safe. Seacrest makes Bollywood stand and then sit. What the hell? Doolittle - is safe (oh please). Legs - is in the bottom three. Huh. I actually didn’t see that one coming, but then she’s been here before. Seacrest makes Sanjaya stand up again and then sit again. Beatbox - is safe. Timberlake and Bollywood stand up together now. And our last loser of the night is………………………..Timberlake. Good Lord Almighty. Someone slap me. We’re back and the Losers are still standing in the middle of the stage. One of them is safe. Timberlake is safe. Someone find me some psychotropic drugs because I am totally losing it. Miss Jenny is singing now. But first we get yet another montage of how wonderful she is and how cool she is…..I wonder if she had anything to do with this? It’s a bit sappy. Come oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon. This would have been A LOT funnier if the kids had been complaining about her. So now she is singing. In Spanish. Mucho bueno. Seacrest is asking Jenny what she thinks of the Judges feedback. Jenny believes in accentuating the positive….yes dear….which is why you are not a judge. So we’re back after the commercial and we are finally finding out the results of this week - Moby………….is safe. Legs is going home. Well. There went about 5 million votes. So no more huge ridiculous hoop earrings or ‘evening’ shorts or long long legs. DAMNIT. Hahahahaha….that was supposed to be sincere. I think Seacrest is genuinely upset. I did get to hear my man singing….which is my cue. Buenos noches gators, Heather 11 aprile Ocho Son SuficienteHello American Idol Amigos,
Now…I could just keep complaining about the Sanjaya Fever that has consumed America’s less intelligent…or less mature population….but I won’t. Seacrest is wearing yet another slick suit. Say hello to Randy, Paula and Simon (grey IS a color, kids). This week is J-Lo week. Seacrest introduces is to her and her career…just in case we’ve been living under a rock for the last decade. J-Lo says America wants someone to take their breath away…not necessarily someone who hits the high notes. Doolittle is singing first. J-Lo says “Be sexy”. Melinda says….ugh….I’m so not sexy. Heehee. You’re really not….but confidence can be very sexy, right boys? She sounds great of course….but….hmmmm….not very sexy. Kind of kind of boring. Ya know? Not that she has anything to worry about….but what a surprise. Randy can’t say anything bad to her….Paula says sultry and smooth….more subtle, less wow. Cowell says, it had to happen. I didn’t like it. He says you appeared much older than you are, a bit lazy, a little bit wooden. Seacrest says were you scared of what Simon would say and she goes….get this….you know what, he really wanted to say something bad and I’m glad he finally got the chance. That was cute. That was really cute. That may be the first time someone has had a chance to completely nullify everything he said. Snap. Viewer question for Oprah – what made you try out for AI? We already know this. Don’t you remember the auditions? Single mom, better life, sob story. She needed help pronouncing ‘congo’. And now she’s teaching her how to dance. I think I’d be more excited about getting dance lessons from J-Lo, than singing lessons. Come on Oprah, crack a smile. Pleeeeeeeeeeease. One little smile. She’s so serious. You know what? I don’t really like this. I really don’t. She looks very uncomfortable. Very out of her element. Randy says, you know what I loved about that? You were having a good time…..really Randy? How the hell could you tell? Paula says, you’re pretty. Paula thinks it was safe. How about Paula…going out on a limb like this. Simon agrees with Paula. You may have been having fun….but no one else was. Simon says the dancing wasn’t very good. Heehee. Seacrest is talking about Idol Gives Back and more acts – Rascall Flatts, Annie Lennox, Earth Wind & Fire, Survivor……(just kidding). Timberlake is singing a Carlos Santana/Rob Thomas song. Hmmmmm….I hope this is good. Jenny said they brought it up a whole step….but it starts out and he sounds very low. Very low….and very flat. Well….not very flat. I don’t think Chris has any Latino spirit in him. Come on Chris! Shake your body!!! <sigh> I thought it was another boring performance. I can’t believe this….this could have been such a cool night. Randy and Paula liked it….but they’re insane. Simon said it wasn’t a great vocal, but it felt more contemporary. No. No Ryan, I don’t want to vote for him. Ringling Brothers has earned herself a new nickname – Legs. She is singing Gloria Estefan- Turn the Beat Around. J-Lo tells her how to sing Latino rap songs. I seriously don’t think it matters much what she sounds like anymore….the Hubby is completely enraptured. Wow, she is singing all the words…not that I can understand them AND she is walking quickly around the stage in those mile high heels. I am actually kind of impressed with the performance. Very fun. Randy says he doesn’t like it, really karaoke. Shut up Randy. Paula says you had fun. Simon says wear the least amount of clothing as possible, you can’t win with your voice. He couldn’t understand the vocals. Props to Legs for taking advantage of her assets. Heehee. Moby is singing now and he is totally weirded out by singing in front of her. That’s so cute. He’s singing Maria Maria (Santana). Good song for him. Is it just me….or is he getting better? This is weird. Could have used some Carlos Santana on the guitar though…<frowny face>….That stupid hat is so not Latino Moby….you could have done better with the accessorizing. Randy didn’t like it. Is he on crack tonight? It didn’t all come together for me….Paula thought it was a real good vocal….is she on crack? Not agreeing with everyone. Weird. Cowell thought it was lifeless, and then said a lot of other stuff…but get this, Moby’s little daughter (I am assuming not the newborn) got a Simon Cowell doll and calls it Simon Cow. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. River is answering Viewer Questions and she would pick an 80’s theme if it was her choice. <smile> Well….that may have gotten her a vote from me. Then Seacrest says weren’t you born in the 80’s and she says yeah, ’89. <sigh> Nevermind. She is singing The Rhythm is gonna get you…another Gloria Estefan song. She certainly has a better voice than Gloria…..but you know what this may be too hard for the kiddies. They just can’t get in the groove. Although….she seemed better than everyone else. Randy says again that she is 17, and he loved it. Paula says you’re authentic and you’re you, you’re adorable. Simon says, I feel about you how I’ve felt all night. It was ok. I agree. Kind of a blah night. Beatbox is singing now, and he picked a Marc Antony song. Oh boy. I think J0Lo likes him. At least he can dance. And he’s got the snazzy hat on….Come on Blake….cut loose!!! He sounds great. Not as good as Mr. Jennifer Lopez….and he never really got into it. Oh well. I was really counting on him. Randy liked it. Paula says it captured the essence of who you are. Simon says best choice of song and best performance so far. I agree. Best of the night. Sanjaya is singing last. J-Lo says she likes it. You’re kidding me. This may be the key to Bollywood….sing in a foreign language. Great….all the teeny boppers are crying in their seats, I can see it now. <sigh> I really really really hate to admit this…..but…………<retch>………..that may have been pretty good. Maybe. Randy says you’re one of the smartest contestants I have ever met, that was actually pretty good. Paula says, good pitch and really nice. Cowell says, I couldn’t understand a word of it. You sang it like a 14 year old. And I’m gonna hate myself for this….but it wasn’t that bad. Oh hell. I think I can feel the rotation of the planet slowing down……….. Till tomorrow gators, Heather 05 aprile Mad WorldHello American Idol psychos,
All around me are familiar faces. The Pumpkin has stopped vomiting. The Hubby is not sneezing….as much. He’s downing a shot of the green fairy juice (aka Nyquil). And I am completely exhausted. So let’s get through this as quickly and painlessly as possible.
Worn out places. So Seacrest looks pretty snazzy tonight. Cool pinstripe suit. Very classy, just like Tony Bennett. The weirdo Ford commercial has the kiddies in a weird jungle car wash. I don’t get it AT ALL. Oh….it’s a Hybrid. Ok. Heehee….there’s Kermit. New contest for song-writing. The winning song will be performed at the grand finale….huh…..that’s makes sense, you know because that song they sing in the finale always sucks………..so make us write it…………then we can’t complain, right?
Worn out faces. So the kiddies are broken up into groups of threes. Beatbox, Timberlake and Sanjaya. Moby, Tattoo Girl and Ringling Brothers. River, Doolittle and Oprah. Seacrest says we normally take a break here……………but not tonight. What a jackass. So the Divas are safe. Shocker. The boys are in the middle…………..someone please shoot me in the head now.
Going nowhere, going nowhere. So the bottom three is Moby, Tattoo Girl and Ringling Brothers. I don’t care. I really don’t. Alaskan Heidi won the Trivia Question last week. Chicken Little……….come on. That wasn’t that long ago. Seacrest talks about more corporate sponsors of Idol Gives Back. So, Tony Bennett has the flu……..must be going around………….or………….he just doesn’t want to sing. So, instead we get some guy called Michael Buble. Really? Nice. He’s got a great voice. I love the crooners. They’re so cool. I could listen to this stuff all day. The Hubby hated it. Clearly the Nyquil has taken effect.
I find it kinda funny. I find it kinda sad. So the Losers are center stage again. Seacrest asks Randy if he’s surprised….he says no, then yes about Gina, then yes. Simon is mumbling about something…..and then he says, I’m not surprised. So Haley is safe and Tattoo Girl is going home. Yeah, so she’s bawling her eyes out. And we get to hear my mysterious cool rocker dude again……….<sigh>…………..hearing this song may be the only reason I watch the Wednesday show anymore. Seacrest says congrats. And we’ll miss you lucky pickle thingie….which she then threw away…..hahahahahaha….that was funny. Gina sings us off the show. She’s singing Smile while she bawls her eyes out………..that’s irony kids.
It’s a very very mad world. Mad world.
Goodnight gators, Heather 04 aprile The Capital of Jabuti is JabutiHello American Idol Classics,
So, here’s the deal. I got home last night and not only was the Hubby sick….but the Pumpkin was sick too. So the Pumpkin has been at the vet’s office all day and has had every kind of expensive invasive test performed on her. She is infuriated with me and refuses to look at me. And I would like to say now that this week’s effort at The Office will be sponsored by the bill I got from the money-grubbing vet. The Hubby is on the couch with Kleenex stuffed up his nose and the entire medicine cabinet emptied out onto the coffee table. I think he has taken way more Nyquil than the label suggests. So he will probably be passed out asleep before Stupid Sanjaya sings. Keep your fingers crossed.
The Caps are playing Florida tonight and the Wizards are playing Charlotte. The top nine are singing tonight. Seacrest is in some stylish black on black suit ensemble. Well, naturally….it’s Tony Bennett night. And here are our judges – Randy, Paula and Simon. No time for cute banter, we only have an hour for the kiddies to sing. You don’t have to say you like all of them, Tony….he’s 80 years old?!? You’re kidding me. He looks great.
So Beatbox is singing first, Mack the Knife. Tony explains what crooning means and that Mack the Knife is a gangster….but that didn’t change Blake’s performance. A little quick for this song, but he sounds great. The new front runner guy…since none of the morons who live in this country felt like voting for Christina….<sigh>…..yes, I will complain about this for the rest of the season. Sorry. So, back to the judges. Randy liked it. Perfect song, a couple pitch problems. But he liked it. Paula says he personified pizzazz. You’re just cool. Simon says good choice of song, performed it well. He gave Blake a 7 out of 10 and the band an 8 out of 10.
Seacrest is talking about Idol Gives Back again and lists off some more celebrities who will be there including Harry Potter and Mr. Bean. Awesome. So, Moby is singing now. And apparently, Tony is his hero. And so Tony liked him. I think he should do pretty well at this. If he can stay on key. Come on Moby, that baby is counting on you. Ok, so it got much better. I liked it. Randy said interesting choice. He didn’t feel any real connection. He’s crazy. So, Paula thinks he sounds like a young Sinatra….and Cowell goes WHAT? She made absolutely no sense. Simon says you sounded like you were singing in a funeral parlor. Would someone tell Cowell to cover up his chest hair. Yucky. So, Moby talked about his wife….awwwww….good job…..you just got some sympathy votes.
Doolittle is singing ‘I’ve Got Rhythm. Tony says the best all day and she looks surprised…….again. Come on Melinda….this is getting old. I liked her dress. The Hubby thinks it looks like someone stabbed her……but then he’s high on cold medicine so we’ll just ignore him. Yeah. This is her style. I think she had a standing ovation about four minutes before the song was over. That was totally amazing. Randy says you know what I love, you come out here every week and give everyone a lesson on singing. Damn right. Paula says this is a master class, you don’t just have rhythm….you have cds, number ones, etc. Simon says I didn’t like the first half of the song…….and then he goes, you know what I don’t think we’ll ever be able to criticize you. This could be a problem. And Seacrest asks, why would that be a problem? And Simon says because we like being mean to people. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Seacrest is asking Timberlake another one of those dumb questions. He’s singing some Duke Ellington. Tony says make sure you memorize the song. Heehee….good advice. I don’t like this kid. I don’t think he’s that good. His pitch is kind of all over the place………but you know what. I’d bet dollars to donuts that he’s better than Stupid Sanjaya. It was alright. Randy says, you know what’s cool about you? This was one of your best performances of the season. What?!?!? Am I going deaf? Paula says ditto. Simon says, I thought that was pretty good. He agrees. Huh? They just don’t want anyone to vote for Sanjaya.
River is singing now. Tony said she sings in tune, which is rare these days. Nice. She doing that breathy thing with her voice that I hate…..but she sounds fantastic. You can hear her smiling when she sings….its awesome. Randy says, I’m lovin that we have some fire up here. Randy reminds us all again that she’s 17. Then there’s this scary feedback on the mics that awful. Paula says you’re a magnet of joy. Simon says it sounded good, but old fashioned. And then everyone starts groaning. Simon says I didn’t enjoy it as much as Squiddly and Diddly. And then Paula goes, I’m Squiddly!!!
Tattoo Girl is singing Smile (Charlie Chaplin). Tony apparently loves this song. He says, when I hear it I think of 9-11 and the soldiers in Irag and I pray that they’ll come home. So, I’m already crying before the stupid song starts. He may just have guaranteed that she gets through to the next round. Her hair looks kind of ridiculous. But it sounds good. Nothing spectacular…..but good. Oh look. The Cryer is in the audience. Randy kind of liked it. Paula says beautiful, understated and sentimental. Simon says I can’t rave about the vocals, because two girls came before that totally outsang you. And then everyone cuts him off.
Sanjaya is “singing” now. My goal this week is to show America that I can actually sing. Good luck with that. This is soooooooooooooooooooooo bad. The Hubby is too sick to be annoying about it tonight. But, besides the fact that he looks terrible, in a white suit with black shirt and hair slicked back….and then he dances with Paula…..which was really awkward. Here’s a tip Sanjaya, don’t pick the Dancer to dance with….she just made you look even more stupid. I saw a sign that says Sanjaya is my Papaya. Randy says he’s a good entertainer, but I won’t comment on the vocals. Paula says you’re charming. Simon says, let’s try something new this week………………Incredible. And Sanjaya says thank you. No no no no no no no.
The Hubby did concede that if we American Idol fans screwed (which is not the work he used) with the Superbowl the way he and the other Howard Stern disciples are screwing (again, not the word he used) with American Idol…..all hell would break loose. That’s an excellent analogy, except of course that American Idol is on for months and the Superbowl is on once a year. The Caps are actually winning.
Ringling Brothers is singing now. Another stupid question – are you more nervous to sing in front of the crowd or hearing the comments from the judges. She picked ‘Ain’t Misbehavin’. Tony says, sing to just one person. I kind of like the green dress, it’s a good color on her. It was cute. She is cute. Definitely not the best, but very cute. Randy says, he thought this would be a good week for you. Paula says green is a good color for you. Simon says, you have great legs. HAHAHAHA. Then he says, it was a good style for you, but kind of pageantry.
So Oprah is singing Stormy Weather. She’s studying with Tony. Vewy vewy shewious. Come on Lakisha, crack a smile Just for me. Perfect song to let that voice loose. Very good, but you know what….I like Doolittle more. And I might have even liked River more than her tonight. Randy says, that was the bomb. Paula says this is the most gorgeous you’ve ever looked and you did amazing. Simon says, back on form. A sassy, great performance. Oh…was that a smile?
So, I’m afraid to ask, but if Sanjaya doesn’t go home….who’s it going to be? Probably Timberlake.
Till tomorrow gators, Heather 29 marzo Fair WarningHello American Idol Faithful,
I guess we already know how this going to end. Seacrest says two very important questions will be answered – who’s going home, and how will Sanjaya wear his hair? Ryan has his own faux-hawk. This is pathetic. And ridiculous. The judges look sick to their stomachs. And by the by, we already played that joke on the judges. Seacrest is surprisingly coordinated tonight. Snappy tie and suit. We get our mini-recap of last night….which I thought was pretty good overall.
The weird Ford commercial was some crazy Western thing. I’m guessing that actialy wasn’t one of the kiddies on that horse. Mustangs…get it? Get it? So we’re back and Seacrest says he’s asking the three people with the lowest number of votes to come to the center of the stage. So, Beatbox is safe. Oprah is safe. Moby is in the bottom three…………..WHAT?!?!?!?............he was one of the best last night? Doolittle is safe. Timberlake is safe. What? Bollywood is safe……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….no comment. Ringling Brothers is in the bottom three too. The whole world has gone mad. River is safe. So it’s Tattoo Girl or Christina. I hate Seacrest. We’re going to commercial.
The trivia question of the week is who is the ‘Velvet Teddy Bear’….oh come on. It’s Ruben. Exxon Mobile is contributing now to America Gives Back. And now Gwenny is going to perform. She’s so cute. I think she should win this competition….but you know America probably wouldn’t vote for her. Gwenny is about three feet taller than Ryan…how funny.
So, here’s where we stand – Moby and Ringling Brothers are in the bottom three. The last spot is Christina. Moby is safe now. And it’s between Sexy Haley and Pudgy Chris. Seacrest asks the judges who are going home….and of course Randy and Paula won’t answer. Simon thinks Chris is going home. And it’s Christina………..
One last montage to the Funny Chubby Christina. I now have enough guilt ammunition to get whatever I want from the Hubby for months. Chris sings one last time…..raise a glass kiddies. Here’s to stupid reality TV shows reminding us that no one anywhere appreciates intelligent humor. Or talent.
Thanks America. Thanks for being vindictive and jealous and petty and shallow and superficial and catty. Thanks for living up to my lofty expectations.
A quick caution to you all - I am quickly losing interest in writing about this show. It has become a mockery.
Later gators, Heather |
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