So the Lunch Lady….whose strategy is a total mystery to me….is questioning her decision to vote Erik out.  It’s a little late for that Lunch Lady!!!  The Movie Rating realizes she is outnumbered and disliked….yeah, you’re next.  I’m pretty certain.  So Movie Rating gets the treemail and it’s full of arrows.  Hmmmmm….maybe they have to try to shoot each other.  So this should be a fun one. 

 

So they have to shoot arrows at a target with their names on it.  And whoever get their name hit the most (not necessarily by themselves) will win the reward.  And you have to give all of your arrows to other people.  So if nobody likes you, tou’re totally screwed.  So everyone gave their arrows to Cruella….for whatever reason….I guess cause she would make it the most entertaining.  If they win, they get to go to the Great Wall.  That’s kind of neat.  I was wondering when they’d do that….seeing as they’re in China and all.  So the Movie Rating got one arrow.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. 

 

After everybody hits the wrong squares and Cruella goes all over the place….the Lunch Lady is the one who ends up winning.  So she’s going to the Wall and surprise, surprise, she gets to pick two other people to take with her.  So she picks Cruella because Cruella is basically the reason she won.  And she picks Pixie Todd.  Oh boy….the Movie Rating is pretty much throwing out a major Death Stare.  She wants you to stay weak Movie Rating, so you don’t win the immunity challenge so you go home tonight because everyone hates you.

 

So Blurry Butt and the Movie Rating have a chance to get to know each other.  Blurry Butt is very forthright with everyone.  She asks Movie Rating right to her face why she didn’t like her.  Huh?  You put people on the spot like that and force them to answer you and you can get some really honest answers.  The Movie Rating apologizes for being so nasty.

 

On the Wall, and Pixie, Cruella and the Lunch Lady are mesmerized by the sights.  And they start talking about who to vote out if the Movie Rating wins immunity.  Which of course would have to be Blurry Butt because you tell anyone you're eating with that you would vote them off....even if you would.....because if Blurry Butt was with them they would obviously be talking about someone else.  The Lunch Lady doesn't trust Pixie Todd.  She continues to amaze me with her astute observations on the human psyche.  The Wall was pretty cool though, I have to admit.  So they get back to Camp Mighty Wind and start complaining about the food.  Are you kidding me?  There is only one thing worse than talking about how great the food was….and that’s to complain about it.  Blurry Butt mentions to the Lunch Lady that they should consider voting out Pixie Todd.  Well.  Finally.  Let’s get his done.  Pixie Todd is your biggest threat, if you don’t vote him out….he’s gonna win the whole thing. 

 

So now it’s time for the immunity challenge and basically they have to redo all the old challenges over four elimination rounds.  They have to throw the Chinese fighting stars at the Chinese fighting target.  They have to eat the stinky chicken baby.  They have to follow the bouncing ball.  And then, the last round, after they're already exhausted, is chopping through the rope with the sword to release the puzzle pieces.  Cruella rolled her eyes at that one.  So blah blah blah, everyone else falls out of the race.  The Lunch Lady doesn't even try to eat the stinky chicken baby and Jeffy makes her feel bad about it.  In the end, it's Blurry Butt going up against the Movie Rating and they're neck in neck, but Blurry Butt beats her out in the end. 

 

Back at Camp and Pixie Todd realizes that Blurry Butt and the Movie Rating ate all the rice while the others were on the private jet eating gourmet food and that makes him angry.  You have got to be kidding me, Pixie.  Are you trying to make people hate you....because if Blurry Butt still have one of those Chinese fighting stars she would have shoved it right up your Pixie butt.  So Blurry Butt and the Movie Rating talk to the Lunch Lady about getting rid of Pixie Todd and of course the Lunch Lady in her infinite wisdom....says, you know what.....I rather go up against him in the finals because he has no friends.                               Um.                                What?                                  Apparently, she has never watched this show before.  When people have weeks to get over their initial fury at being voted out, they come to appreciate the strategic evil genius it takes to get away with moves like that....they always vote for the bad guy.  Well, not always.  But usually.

 

So, at Trival Council the Lunch Lady explains to Jeffy that it was really hard deciding who to take with her on the reward.  The Cruella, because she's so cruel, decides to tell everyone that she didn't like the food they got on the reward and she would have prefered pizza.  <shaking my head> Is this girl for real?  This of course makes the Movie Rating crazy and we're passing dangerously close to that R-rating.  She says Cruella doesn't deserve to be there because she doesn't care about the game.  Hmmmm....ok?  Cruella responds that of course she deserves to be after having put up with so much crap, including listening to the Movie Rating for the thirty some odd days.  So now Pixie Todd, at long last, admits to being the evil genius behind the curtain.  He says he's made everyone mad, but that's why he should be in the finals.  Well............duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.  So now it's time to vote.  Once the votes are read, the decision is final.  The person voted out will have to leave the tribal council area immediately.  Poor Movie Rating...you may make good points sweetheart, but you sound like such a bitch when you do it.....it's adios senorita.  And we're down to the Final Four - Pixie Todd, Blurry Butt Amanda, Cruella Skellington, and the Lunch Lady.  The final show is this weekend.  Don't forget!!

 

Later gators,

Heather

 

So everyone is shocked and happy that Cutey Pie was successfully voted off the island.  Pixie Todd is extremely happy that his devious little plan worked.  Except of course it wasn’t his plan, it was Blurry Butts.  But whatever.  So the Movie Rating is excited that there is a possibility that she could come up with a tie vote at the next Tribal.  And everybody is sick of the rain.  I never knew it rained so much in China…..

 

So let’s jump right to the reward challenge.  It’s a big maze.  I love mazes.  And they have to be blind-folded and they have to communicate with their partners to get to the middle…but how do they choose their partners?  You know what’s coming don’t you?  I did.  I love this episode, every season.  It’s the Family Episode.  And it makes me cry….sometimes.  Sometimes it’s kind of stupid.  The contestants are always so weepy about seeing their relatives.  I guess they are so emotional because they are tired and starving.  Erik the Virgin is playing with his Mom….which I won’t even try to make a joke about.  Blurry Butt is playing with her sister.  Movie Rating is playing with her dad.  Pixie Todd is playing with his sister.  And Cruella?  Well….this pretty much made the whole episode.  She’s playing with her daddy.  Who is British.  Very British.  <smile>

 

One thing I should point out.  Pixie Todd’s sister whispers in his ear when she hugs him, “She lost the baby.”  So apparently, his other sister miscarried.  I am skeptical and I hate this show for making me such an evil cynic.  I am seriously, if it wasn’t for Jonny Fairplay, that might have made me cry.  Instead…I am thinking to myself….yeah right.  <shaking my head>  The last contestant, the Lunch Lady, is playing with her husband.  And for all you single people out there, who clearly cannot understand this, married people are usually the only ones who are genuinely happy to see their other half.  A day hardly ever goes by when I do not see my husband.  I would miss him desperately if I was out on some Chinese island for a month.  So the Lunch Lady is happy to see her Pudgy Little Hubby.

 

So Jeffy explains to the Family people that they are now competing with the contestants and if they lose, it will all be their fault.  So they have to get to the middle of the maze, blind-folded and starting on opposite ends.  This should be entertaining.  And it was.  Everybody was shouting at everybody else.  Blurry Butt and her sister were making bird calls to each other….which was kind of dumb.  So in the end, Lunch Lady and Her Pudgy Little Hubby won.  Which did not surprise me at all, because married people learn very quickly how to communicate with each other….otherwise they get divorced….or kill each other.

 

So the Lunch Lady gets to pick two other teams to go with her on the eating reward (because at this point in the game, every reward is eating).  And she picks Pixie Todd and Blurry Butt.  Movie Rating is clearly pissed because she picked Lunch Lady for her reward.  Back at Camp Mighty Wind, the Virgin is the first one to question Pixie Todd’s miscarriage story.  Oh really?  The Virgin is a skeptic……I wouldn’t have seen that coming.  And of course, Cruella backs him up because she hates people.  So the Family people get to come back to camp after the meal and see the squalor their loved ones have been living in for all this time. 

 

Lots of planning and scheming being discussed.  The ongoing theme was of course, Pixie Todd, Blurry Butt and Cruella going to the final three.  Nobody wants to go against the Lunch Lady because of her “sob story” potential.  Hmmmm….I don’t agree.  I think a sob story would make her look her pathetic.  And she has played this game in a really moronic way…..I think Pixie Todd is the biggest threat with his Richard Hatch appeal.  But nobody ever listens to me.  The Lunch Lady did apologize to the Movie Rating for not taking her on the reward, which was nice but not necessary.  I mean, the MR is basically on her way out, right? 

 

Now it’s time for the immunity challenge.  So the contestants have to run through a kind of obstacle course, answer a question, get a key, run back through the obstacle course and hope they answered the question right so they got the right key.  They have to keep doing this….until they unlock all the locks.  I’ll spare you the drama of the back and forth lead, and Lunch Lady and Cruella sucking as usual.  In the end, the Movie Rating won.  Woaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.  That’s not good for our cute guy factor – I think the Virgin is in trouble. 

 

Back at Camp Mighty Wind, and everybody is pretty much talking about Erik.  The Movie Rating and the Virgin tried to convince the Lunch Lady that she should vote with them.  So we’re at Tribal Council.  And Jeffy asks about the reward challenge.  The Lunch Lady says it had its ups and downs, the other contestants may decide that her life is already good enough.  Um….not with a haircut like that, sweetheart.  The Movie Rating said she thought the vote was not set in stone…..yer a crazy person.  And now it’s time to vote.  Once the votes are read, the decision is final.  The person being voted out will have to leave the Tribal Council area immediately.  So Jeffy reads the votes and surprise, surprise, it’s the Virgin.  <sigh>  The only other cute guy on this show……And we’re down to the final five.

 

Later gators,

Heather

So, you remember where we left off?  It was at Tribal Council.  Jeffy, in his very own cryptic mysterious way, just said – “We have more business to attend to here.”  Or something like that…so it’s time for the reward challenge.  What?!?!  Now?!?!?!  Are they rushing this?  Because of the writer’s strike?  HAHAHAHAHAHA.  Just kidding….so anyway, our Survivors are now going to compete for a chance to visit a fifth century Shaolin Temple.  The winners get to fly out on a private jet, eat and visit and whatnot.  Anyway, its sounds like a cool reward.  To win, they have to answer Chinese trivia questions.  I should be good at this, I’ve eaten plenty of fortune cookies in my time.  So Jeffy is asking the questions, some people get them right and some people get them wrong.  And the Movie Rating ends up winning.  She decides to bring Erik the Virgin and the Lunch Lady with her on the reward. 

 

So the Three are off on their mini-vacation and that leaves Cutey Pie, Pixie Todd, Blurry-Butt Amanda and Cruella at camp to plot their imminent victory.  Pixie Todd announces that this is the Final Four and Cutey Pie starts talking about not biting the apple….succumbing to temptation…..not biting the apple.  Well, I got the idea at least.  Blurry-Butt Amanda, however, has plans of her own.  She’s a smart cookie.  I’m glad this season has more than one player who can think for themselves.  We usually get one evil mastermind and a bunch of dimwitted lemmings.  Not on this island!!!  <sigh, yes, I know it’s not an island.> 

 

So the Three vacationers get to the Temple and whaddya know?  Lunch Lady is actually this group’s Mr. Miyagi.  Nice.  [Here’s a funny aside.  Spellcheck knows how to spell Miyagi.  I’m serious.  Try it!]  So anyway, Lunch Lady is in her element.  She karate chops the monks and they are pleased.  And then the mini-monks (i.e., children) do a demonstration.  And then Lunch Lady does the Crane for them….and they are happy.  It was kind of cool, no matter how much I am making fun of it. 

 

Back at the Mighty Wind camp, the rains are washing their troubles away….sort of…..well, at least it’s raining.  So, the Final Four are hiding in a cave.  Especially Cruella who looks like she is hibernating.  I can kind of understand her not wanting to get wet.  She might melt.  [I am so mean!]  So the Vacationers return and Movie Rating, in her own blessed oblivious way, decides for whatever reason to tell everyone how great it was.  Good idea.  Make them hate you more.  Erik the Virgin tries to hint to Cutey Pie that he could help them vote Pixie Todd off…..but Cutey Pie won’t hear of it….and starts mumbling about not eating the apple again.  Enough with the apples!!!  We get it!!!

 

So Blurry-Butt Amanda tells Cruella that she wants to blindside Cutey Pie.

 

 

Um.  What?  Ok, brilliant.  But…………………….what?  I knew he had a huge target on his back.  I’m not going to pretend that I didn’t.  And if any of them had their wits about them, like Blurry-Butt clearly does, then I knew they would try to get rid of him.  But……………..he’s my favorite.  Which I should have known from the beginning was the kiss of death.  My picks never win.  I hate this show.  So Cruella, in her wonderful opaque way, says yes of course I’ll do whatever you tell me to.  And since Cutey Pie hasn’t won an immunity challenge yet, I’m guessing their plan will probably work.  Boo hoo!!!

 

It’s immunity challenge time and our malnourished, delirious Survivors get to throw Chinese fighting stars at each other.  I mean….they get to throw them at a target on a board…..but it would have been a lot more entertaining if they got to throw them at each other.  So blah blah blah….they have to score the most points….blah blah blah…..they go to round 2……blah blah blah……and Erik the Virgin wins.  Yeah Virgin!!  Way to get some!!!

 

Back at camp Mighty Wind, Blurry-Butt tells Pixie Todd she wants to vote out Cutey Pie and for once in this game he decides to go along with her decision.  Well, of course he does.  He’s just glad she didn’t decide to axe him out of the game at this point.  But he does see the general brilliance in getting rid of the guy with two immunity idols.  The Movie Rating finds the immunity idols, and she doesn’t steal them either (what’s with these people having morals?), instead she goes and tells Blurry-Butt about them and Blurry-Butt is like, don’t worry about it.  We’ve got it covered.  And so the Movie Rating just sits back and lets things play out.  Which SHOULD have been a huge red blinking warning sign to Cutey Pie…..but of course it wasn’t. 

 

So at Tribal Council, Jeffy talks to Lunch Lady about the reward.  The Movie Rating plays her martyr role and tells everyone how she’s tried her best, her team has been winning challenges, but she knows she’s on the chopping block <wink wink>.  Jeffy talks about trust and Cutey Pie is like, yeah you have to trust people (oh dear Jesus).  It’s time to vote.  Once the votes are read, the decision is final.  The person being voted out will have to leave the tribal council area immediately.  We know Cutey Pie is voting for the Movie Rating.  We know the Moving Rating is voting for Pixie Todd.  And then Jeffy reads the votes.  Movie Rating gets one.  Pixie Todd gets one.  And Cutey Pie gets the next four.  He didn’t play the idol.  And he really really should have…….<sigh>……..you look like an idiot.  A sexy cute adorable idiot.  Babye, cutey pie.  I’ll miss you.  Oh wait, you’re on the Jury.  So, I guess I’ll keep watching the show.  <smile>

 

Later gators,

Heather

I hope you all don’t seriously think I was watching Survivor on Thanksgiving night….I mean….there was football on.  Right?  Oh wait, the game was on the NFL Network….which you have to pay extra for….so no, we were not watching football.  But we were with the Number 2’s who do like to talk.  A lot, God love them.  Which makes it difficult to pay attention to things like TV.  So I watched this one On Demand, just so I could report back to all of you.  <shaking my head>  So pathetic….

 

So anyway, the “new” episode was really just a re-cap episode of the season so far, with a few never-before-seen scenes.  We start of with the seven remaining Survivors telling us why they will win…and here’s the first quote of the night.  Cruella says “My strength is that I’m not a strong player.”  What?  What the hell are you talking about crazy lady!?!?  <giggle>  Unbelievable.  Ok, if the whole show is like this….it might be worth it.

 

So, we start back at the beginning.  The very beginning.  When they arrived on the island (I know it’s not an island!!) and they had their normal clothes on and their suitcases.  In order to get to the Chinese temple, they had to walk up like 900 stairs.  The never-ending stairs.  The first challenge.  Didn’t you guys work out a little before you came on this show?  Nope.  And Chicken Man is already yelling at the young whipper snappers.  So they finally get to the top and the monks are like, WOAH CLEAVAGE!!  So they make the girls wrap themselves up in drapes.  No boobs for the Buddhists.

 

And here’s Sister Christian freaking out about the ceremony, remember that?  And then the tribes get spilt up.  Pixie Todd nominates Aaron (who never got a nickname because he sucked) to be the leader.  Chicken Man, in that endearing West VA accent, was chastising his team.  And the Tigers are eating worms because they have nothing else to eat.  Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!  That was actually kind of gross.  We had to watch them eat like a million bugs.  Pay Per View was totally disgusted.  Topless Amanda caught a frog which went right on the fire.  And they ate leaves.  Yum…..moldy rice and clams.  The People Reader was like Mikey, he’ll try anything.  The Dragons won the first challenge and the Tigers voted off Chicken Man.

 

Topless Amanda and Pixie Todd formed an alliance.  The People Reader reveals his amazing lazy plan.  Cutey Pie got fed up with his team very early and started yelling at Aaron to act like a leader.  Hahahahaha…..yer killin’ me!  You’re supposed to be the damn leader!  Wow, they made him look a lot nicer at the beginning of the show….didn’t they?  Second quote of the night – They’re gonna pull that rope with me or else they’re gonna die.  I’m gonna go live in that cave.  HAHAHAHAHAHA…..way to put your foot down Cutey Pie.  Of course, if you decided to live in the cave, that would have been priceless.

 

The Dragons win the reward challenge and kidnap the Princess, who gets the first immunity idol clue.  The Tigers camp was flooded, so they had to de-flood it.  This was a good five minutes of completely boring nonsense.  And the Princess gives her clue to Sister Christian, who immediately tells Pixie Todd, hoping that she was making an alliance with him.  Big dummy.  Aaron decided to give his team a powwow and relinquishes his leadership role and then immediately tells everyone what to do.  Nice.  It’s some kind of jedi mind trick.

 

Dave is annoyed with everyone about not letting him sleep and explains his no-food energy plan.  At the immunity challenge, Dave ate his words.  HAHAHAHA, that was Jeffy’s comment.  Nice.  He’s now fighting with Pay Per View, who ended up going home at tribal council.  Sister Christian was trying to “clean” camp….huh?....and ended up throwing away all the bait for the fishing.  She apologizes to Cutey Pie, who just kept his mouth shut.  He thinks it would be hilarious to see his team survive without him.  He thinks they would die and float off down the river.  Nice.  Nice image there, Cutey Pie.

 

So the Tigers win their first immunity challenge and the Dragons have to go to tribal council.  The People Reader tries to blame Todd for everything.  Cruella is not buying it and decides to tell Pixie Todd about it.  So the little Pixie confronts People Reader.  And so PR tells him to “fix his tone.”  And so PR turns a 180 and says, oh nooooooooooo, I wasn’t saying that.  I’m going to knock you down if I have to, says Pixie.  That’s so cute.  Sister Christian got voted out anyway, so it didn’t matter.

 

So now Cruella is complaining about PR yelling at her, remember that.  Sherea tried hard at the challenge, but they lost and the Dragons win again.  Sherea is arguing with Dave now and he finally goes home.  On Day 13, the two people switch was pulled.  Sherea and Snowman went to the Dragons and Cutey Pie and Aaron went to the Tigers.  The Dragons started doing impressions of everyone.  Pixie Todd did some good impressions.  And then Cruella did an impression of the Princess which was kind of funny.  The visible thought process.  Can I order you online?  Hahahahahahahahaha.

 

The Movie Rating and the Princess hatch their plan to throw the challenge and Aaron goes home.  The Dragons won the next reward challenge, and kidnapped Cutey Pie.  Cutey Pie gets the immunity idol and they decide to tell him about the second idol.  So Pixie Todd tells Snowman that he has to win, or else the team has decided that he is going home.  And after all the planning, it was the eating challenge, but the Lunch Lady couldn’t get the chicken fetuses down and so the Dragons lose and the plan is ruined.

 

At tribal council, Sherea is voted out of the Dragons.  Cutey Pie finds the second idol and he’s all smiles.  The Princess and Erik the Virgin found the non-idol, and Cutey Pie can’t stop laughing about it.  So the Princess snoops through Cutey Pie’s stuff and instead of stealing his idols, she thinks she has the right one.  The tribes merged.  Everyone gets drunk and they start performing Survivor – the Musical.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  The Princess thinks she’s not as dumb as she looks.  And Cutey Pie does all he can to not laugh.  Jeffy throws her “idol” right on the fire, remember?  So now the Princess is the first member of the jury.

 

Cutey Pie thinks everyone is lazy.  He’s been working since he’s 11 and so he doesn’t understand people who don’t work.  And even without the idols, he thinks he would be in a good position.  Hmmmmm…maybe.  Cruella wins the next immunity challenge.  Erik the Virgin tells the PR that Cutey Pie has two immunity idols and Cutey Pie denies it when the PR confronts him.  So now the PR wants to blindside Cutey Pie, but mistakenly tells Pixie Todd whose ego gets to him and decides to vote out PR instead.  Cutey didn’t use the idols and PR got voted out.

 

Cruella and Snowman bond on the reward win – cruise.  The Movie Rating is blaming Cutey Pie for the loss and Cutey Pie calls her stupid.  So then she tries to say she’s sorry.  And Cutey Pie says, please stop messing with you.  Stop politicking.  “I’m not a fluff person.”  But then the Movie Rating wins immunity.  And so Snowman goes home.

 

We’re all caught up.  Jeffy says, we have more business to attend to here.  So, we’ll have to wait until Thursday to find out what is going on.  I saw a lot of people in the preview…..so I think I know who is going home if they vote again.  But I won’t tell you….I’ll leave you in suspense.

 

Ok, so you’re welcome for watching that and telling you all about it.

Later gators,

Heather

So, it’s day 25 and the Purple People Reader Poker Player is no longer in the game.  Cutey Pie is singing at the campfire – hi-ho, hi-ho, it’s off to work we go….and the Lunch Lady is finally starting to realize that she is not a integral part of any alliance, since she had no idea that everyone else changed their vote at the last minute and nobody found it necessary to let her in on the plan.  I’d be worried too Lunch Lady, you need to make yourself necessary.  And you really need a makeover...

 

So the Movie Rating is the nag of the week.  She is being really annoying and backseat cooking with Cutey Pie.  I mean, come on!!  Your head is on the chopping block, you’ve got one foot out the door, pull yourself together and start kissing some major booty.  And to make me even more anxious, Cruella and Snowman are playing smoochy face….um……<yack, gag>……ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!  Snowman has clearly been blinded by malnutrition and the Incredible Disappearing Woman's evil sorceress ways…..because you cannot seriously tell me that this 80-pound ugly step sister of Gwen Stefani is actually attractive.  I mean.  Come ON!! 

 

So it’s reward challenge time and you have to bounce a ball on a drum into a bucket after going through an obstacle course.  I’m sure I’m not explaining this well….but whatever, if you really want to know what happened, you should have watched the show yourself and stop being so lazy.  Anyway, so bouncing the ball on the drum in teams of four and they have to pick their teammates again, just like last week.  So the Movie Rating picks Cutey Pie, because she thinks he’ll win it for her…..even though he hasn’t won any individual immunity challenges yet….and Pixie Todd and the Lunch Lady are also on her team.  There goes your “fat kid” theory Lunch Lady.  The other team has Erik the Virgin, Cruella, Snowman and Topless Amanda.  Well…if you drop the ball you have to go back to the start….and Cutey Pie, while being incredibly built and easy on the eyes, apparently has absolutely no hand-eye coordination because he keeps messing it up.  The Virgin and the Snowman find a rhythm and are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay ahead.  As a matter of fact, I don’t even know if Movie Rating’s team even got one ball in the bucket (you had to get three to win).  So the Virgin’s team gets to go on a cruise down some Chinese river and eat more food.  And the Movie Rating loses again…..

 

Back at camp Mighty Wind and the Movie Rating starts yelling at Cutey Pie, saying he totally dropped the ball.  Get it?!?!?  Get it?  Dropped the ball…..AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA.  Um, ok.  Anyway, so Cutey Pie denies that he was entirely to blame for the loss, even though he was….and the Movie Rating storms off in a huff.  This is an excellent strategy, by the way, to win friends and influence people.  Must be something the Poker Player taught her before he was kicked off.  The Lunch Lady thinks she needs to be chummy with Cutey Pie, since he has two immunity idols.  She has absolutely no idea that she is basically the swing vote at this point and could really change things up.  Pixie Todd is just annoyed at being with these people, but manages to keep his mouth shut even if his little beady eyes are boring holes in the ground. 

 

On the cruise, Cruella and Snowman are trying really hard to make me vomit.  The Virgin tries desperately to flirt with the girls by doing his impression of a goat….nice going, Virgin.  But he is totally adorable (see the Heroes blog to find out what I think of his doppelganger – Peter Petrelli) and he is sweet, which girls are always suckers for….so he may have a shot.  And what’s this?  The winners get fried chicken and mashed potatoes for dinner…instead of more Chinese food.  That’s totally awesome!!  When they get back to camp, they decide to lie about the food so the Others don’t hate them….which was probably a good idea.  The Puppet Master Pixie decides that the Movie Rating must go because of all her psycho drama.

 

Now it’s time for the immunity challenge.  It’s a memory game.  I’m good at these….I can say it in my head and repeat it back at least once.  Of course, I haven’t been trapped on an island (Chinese outback) for the last 20 days starving myself and under pressure to win a million dollars…..so I do appreciate that I may not be as distracted as our players…..but I am good at this.  Here’s the twist.  If the kids don’t think they are going to be voted off….they don’t have to play.  Instead, they can just eat during the challenge – burgers and French fries.  And poor Pixie Tood’s eyes grew two sizes too big when Jeffy pulled the lid off those burgers.  So, Pixie, Cruella, Cutey Pie and the Lunch Lady (?) decide to eat instead of play.  I never understand that…..never…..but anyway, that leaves Snowman, the Movie Rating, Topless Amanda and the Virgin playing for immunity. 

 

The Virgin gets knocked out in the first round, because he can’t concentrate standing next to topless Amanda.  She lasts a little longer, but then it’s down to the Snowman and the Movie Rating.  The Movie Rating must win this, otherwise she’s going home.  If she wins, the Snowman has a serious chance of going home….so it’s a battle to the end….but the Movie Rating finally wins something at the exact right time.  Good for you!!  I’m not really happy for her though.  I was really hoping she would go home.  You can’t whine that much and think I’m going to root for you….unless you look like Cutey Pie…..

 

Back at camp Mighty Wind, and the Snowman and the Virgin are pretty convinced it could be either one of them.  Which is pretty much right.  The Snowman tries to get Pixie Todd to vote for the Virgin by telling him that the Virgin is too much of a flirt.  Now…..who’s gonna believe that?  Pixie Todd has other plans…..he wants to vote for Snowman, but first he talks to Cruella.  Can you vote off your boy toy?  The Incredible Disappearing Woman kind of shrugs her shoulders and says….eh…..I guess.  Which does not fill Pixie Todd with confidence….but what else can he do.

 

We’re at Tribal Council and was it me or did Jeffy interrogate the crew for like an hour and half….where were all these questions coming from?  Jeffy questions all the eaters on why they thought eating burgers was more important than trying to win immunity.  Which is really just a ploy to point out to the jury who was playing for immunity and who wasn’t.  Nice going, Jeffy.  The Virgin says he knows it could be him.  Topless Amanda says it’s hard to separate friendship from strategy.  So….finally…..it’s time to vote.  Once the votes are read, the decision is final.  The person being voted out will have to leave the tribal council area immediately.  The votes go like this – Virgin, Snowman, Snowman, Snowman, Snowman, Snowman, etc etc etc.  So Snowman is going home….I am fairly convinced he didn’t see this coming.  So Jeffy tells the survivors remaining that with 12 days left they are going to have to adapt every minute of the game, including now……because Tribal Council is not over………….what?!?!?!?!  And that’s it.  CSI is on now and I’m not even really sure what just happened.  Is someone else getting voted out…..what is this?  Somebody tell me what’s going on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

 

So my money is on Pixie Todd to win the whole thing.  No one seems to realize he is the mastermind behind this whole game…..if he makes it to the end……everyone will vote for him. 

 

Later gators,

Heather

Ohhhhhhhhhhh…so sorry.  Life has been rather hectic lately….what with the long weekend and the birthday nonsense to put up with (smile).  So, I apologize for not getting this on sooner.  Anyway, last week on Survivor, the show starts off with a mini recap of the Princess and the Fake Idol.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Seriously classic episode.  So back at Mighty Wind camp and the People Reader is telling the Anonymous Camera that he was really nervous about the Fake Idol move….reminding me that he knows nothing about the immunity idols…..huh…..Erik the Virgin doesn’t want to ask the People Reader to move his enormous butt over so that Erik can sleep on the “bed” so Cutey Pie starts yelling at the People Reader to stop being such an ass.

Later Cutey Pie is explaining to the Anonymous Camera that the Dragons need to stick together even though they have a bunch of different personalities – a Lunch Lady, a waitress from New York, a stewardess, a professional gambler and a grave digger.  The stewardess….in case you were confused….is Pixie Todd.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Topless Amanda is now telling the Anonymous Camera that Cutey Pie is in a very good position.  Ya think?!?!?!  Sheesh……two idols and by far and away the sexiest….I mean strongest guy on the island.  [Yes, I know it’s not an island.]

 

So first off, we have the Reward Challenge.  This week Mighty Wind is divided into two teams of four.  One member of each team sits in a teeny tiny boat and the other three members try to sink the other team’s boater.  It’s more complicated than it sounds.  Anyway, since there are nine people left, they have to pick teams playground-style and the poor Lunch Lady gets left out…no chance to compete or win.  That kind of sucks.  The winners win a trip to a one thousand year old village (I thought all Chinese villages were one thousand years old…) and a Chinese meal.  And they get another clue for the immunity idols that Cutey Pie already has….so we’re just going for the meal really.  I’ll skip the competition part, except to point out once again that Cruella is completely useless.  The winners were naturally everyone on Cutey Pie’s team – the People Reader, Pixie Todd and Topless Amanda. 

 

So the really old village…..is really old….and full of really old people…..but it’s still kind of cool.  Here’s the best part of the Reward Challenge – the People Reader reading the clues for the hidden immunity idol not knowing that everyone else at the table already knows that Cutey Pie has both idols.  Nice people-reading skills Poker Player….you moron.  And then he calls it the American Immunity Idol.  Which I appreciated.  But didn’t think it was nearly as funny as the People Reader gave himself credit for…..

 

So the Lunch Lady is feeling down because she’s never picked for anything because she’s fat….or something equally depressing…..and then she tells the Anonymous Camera that she needs to start looking out for herself.  Oh boy.  You mean, you don’t think the Others will keep you around until the bitter end?  Why does it take some people so long to catch up in this game?  Perhaps it’s the malnutrition.  The Movie Rating says, if everyone who didn’t win the reward votes for the People Reader, he’ll be out.  Nice play, Movie Rating. 

 

And now the comic relief for this episode was the People Reader, back from the challenge, wandering around in the dark while everyone else is sleeping looking for the hidden immunity idols….which aren’t really hidden……moron.  Then he finds the same blank boards that the Princess found and thinks they might be the idols.  Oh…..oh I’m just tingling with the possibility of a repeat performance.  Wasn’t he paying attention before????   I guess not.  Oh….paleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease paleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease make this as embarrassing as possible. 

 

So Pixie Todd the Stewardess is going insane.  Everyone in camp is making him crazy.  All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.  So, just to shake things up a bit, he proposes to Topless Amanda that they blindside James and take the immunity idols out of the picture.  Which I think is an excellent idea….(strategy-wise, not eye candy-wise) but of course the extremely short-sighted Topless Amanda thinks Pixie Todd has gone over the deep end. 

 

So now it’s Immunity Challenge time and they have to ride these barrels full of water while the water is leaking out making the barrels increasingly less stable.  Ok.  Kind of a cool idea, except it looks like the barrels are peeing the whole time….which is kind of annoying.  Everyone has trouble with this except for Cruella, who now weighs negative three pounds which actually ends up stabilizing her barrel…illustrated perfectly by the fact the she never moved a millimeter during the entire challenge.  So………..she’s good for one thing.  Being a living statue.  Good for you Cruella.  But unfortunately, now she has the immunity necklace…..and now she doesn’t care who goes home, because she has no friends here.

 

So back from the Challenge and the People Reader is telling the Virgin he thinks everyone will vote for him, but he found the idol <snicker snicker> and the Virgin, because he’s a virgin and can’t lie to people apparently, tells the People Reader he thinks Cutey Pie has both idols and since it was a virgin who told him, the People Reader automatically believes it and now hates Cutey Pie and wants to blindside him, which was Pixie Todd’s plan if you remember back two paragraphs ago.  Then the People Reader decides to confront Cutey Pie about it, who admits nothing….and the People Reader just makes himself look stupid with all the pointless accusations.  So much for loyalty, the People Reader is gunning for Cutey Pie now.

 

But then he makes his fatal mistake.  He suggests to Pixie Todd that they blindside Cutey Pie….which was Pixie Todd’s plan remember? And so now Pixie Todd, who apparently doesn’t want anyone to know he’s running this game, but does want credit for all the brilliant strategic moves they’re making, decides the People Reader must go.  <shaking my head>  Silly pixie!  Tricks are for kids!  So Pixie Todd tells everyone the plan, well almost everyone.  Topless Amanda, who cannot see past her nose in this game, is still complaining that Pixie Todd is not sticking with the original plan…..but unfortunately my dear, things change in this game on a daily basis….and they don’t tell the Movie Rating or the Lunch Lady…..they just say they are going to vote off the People Reader.  But Cutey Pie should still have his doubts…he might have to play one of those idols anyway, confirming People Reader’s suspicions and possibly getting rid of one when he really didn’t need to….we’ll see.  We’re off to Tribal Council!

 

Jeffy asks Cruella if she can still breath with that necklace around her throat and she says, hell no!  <smile>  Yeah, so she’s a little surprised to win anything.  Good attitude sweetheart.  Jeffy then asks Cutey Pie if he’s worried because he’s such a threat (even though he hasn’t won any of the individual immunities yet) and he says the bigger threats are the talkers.  Jeffy asks the Movie Rating if she’s totally screwed and she says yes, we’re totally screwed.  Then Jeffy says, with his usual spooky foreshadowing, so People Reader, if you were in their position what would you do?  And the People Reader is like, wow, I have no idea.  They are totally screwed.  Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…could it really be him tonight?  He makes some completely ridiculous poker analogy and now Erik the Virgin is saying that the people left need to realize that they may be at the bottom of the pecking order and they need to realign their alliances while they still can to change their fate.  Pretty smart for a virgin.  And Cutey Pie thinks it’s cute that the virgin swears he’s not trying to change people’s minds, because he obviously is….but that’s ok.  Everybody already knows who they are voting for, right?  So it’s time to vote.  Once the votes are read, the decision is final.  The person voted out will have to leave the tribal council area immediately.  The votes go like this, with the magic of Survivor editing – People Reader, People Reader, Movie Rating, Cutey Pie, Cutey Pie, Cutey Pie (aaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!), People Reader, People Reader, People Reader.  <sigh>  Good grief, that was really close!!  So, the People Reader is shooting fire out of his eyes while Jeffy puts out his torch and I can just smell the finale speech already playing out in his head….

 

Poor People Reader, it's like losing when you've got pocket Cowboys to the Hammer.  What a bad beat!  <chuckle chuckle>  By the way, I actually did see this week's biggest loser on TV playing poker....you know, because the Hubby will watch anything that has a hint of competition in it....he still looked like a jerk, even without the whole starvation, bandana thing going for him....

 

I'll try to be on time this week, kids. 

Later,

Heather

Halloween was Wednesday.  As usual, I had waaaaaaaaaaaaay more candy than I needed for the number of kids who stopped by...but we did get a lot of kids.  A lot of kids who liked the decorations....which made me very happy.  Not very many creative costumes this year...but that's ok.  There is, unfortunately, lots of candy left in the house...but the way the Hubby is sucking it up like a vacuum (thanks to his nic-fits) I don't imagine it will last very long.  And now it's November and time to focus on the next holiday of the season - Thanksgiving.  Well....actually it's time to start focusing on Christmas, because let's be honest...there's really nothing to do for Thanksgiving except cook...

 

And before I get into why I love this time of year, and why I love Christmas shopping, and why the chaos and mayhem are welcome....I should probably talk about the show.  <smile>  So back to our survivors.  The Dragons are warning the People Reader and Cruella to kiss and make up before the merge, otherwise they will be vulnerable.  This made complete and total sense to me...but Cruella, who is apparently delirious from malnutrition, thinks everyone is siding with the People Reader.  What?  What is wrong with you?  I can't stand it when people are so short-sighted in this game....I really can't. 

 

Over at Tiger camp, the Movie Rating is trying to be nice to Cutey Pie so that she can get him on their side.  Wow....it is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too late for that one sweetheart...I mean seriously, does anyone think this could ever work?  It's just ridiculous.  Like, three days ago you were throwing challenges just so you could get him off....and now you want him to vote with you?!?!  Reality is completely checking out of this game, ladies and gentlemen...it's gonna start getting good....I can feel it.  So Cutey Pie, the strongest competitor in the game now has the immunity idol from Dragon camp and the immunity idol from Tiger camp (which he pried down when no one was there, what a concept!)....how did you get in this superior position, Cutey?  I hope this means you're going to win!!

 

So Cruella won't give up her crusade against the People Reader and now she's really starting to piss me off.  First of all, let it go...lemmings have always lasted longer in this game than revolutionaries...second of all, everyone hates him.  So you need him in the end.  You need someone everyone hates.  He's perfect to go up against.  But no, Cruella is campaigning for Prom Queen and if you don't agree with her "logic" then she and her friends (who are apparently invisible, because I don't think she has any allies left in this game) are taking their toys and going home.  <sigh>  Man, I hope she gets voted off...Over at Tiger camp, the Princess notices one of the wooden symbols on the ground.  It's the same wooden symbol as the idol, but it's not the idol, but the Princess thinks it might be, which isn't so dumb....until she goes through Cutey's bag and finds two more wooden symbols....and instead of replacing hers with one of his or I don't know, maybe noticing that his have writing on the back which clearly state that they are immunity idols (which I just assumed she would do)....she now thinks she has an immunity idol.  Now me?  I would have taken everything out of Cutey's bag...I don't want him to have any idols, let alone two!  And where did she learn math?  When has there ever been three immunity idols?  That's just crazy.  When Cutey realizes someone picked up the blank wooden symbol, he guesses that the Princess has it and she thinks its an idol and he starts laughing like a jolly little elf....what a cute smile!  The Hubby is squirming at this point because stupid people make him uncomfortable...but I wallow in it.  You moron!!  If she doesn't figure this out, this could turn out to be the best episode ever.

 

So now it's Reward Challenge time...no...no wait....no reward, now it's MERGE time!!  Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!  Everyone gets new buffs, which are black.  They are going to some kind of feast and Chinese cultural demonstration thingy.  Jeffy says, pick a new name and remember, the game never ends.  Now, as soon as he said this, the Hubby and I looked at each other and said they have to memorize everything they see at the demonstration.  It was obvious.  Of course the competitors have been distracted with the thought of food and can no longer concentrate on anything except feeding themselves...which I guess is understandable....but it's a million dollars people.  Try to get it together.  So anyway, off to the Chinese cultural thing, they get all kinds of Chinese food and they get to see acrobatic demos, and dancing and fireworks and stuff, which I thought was kind of cool.  So after the reward, the new merged tribe has to come up with a name...and they decide on Black Fighting Wind...which reminds me of a Mighty Wind...which is a funny movie in case you haven't seen it.  Anyway, now Jeffy shows up at camp.  What's this?  He has a satchel with him and few just a fleeting moments I actually did think to myself, oh, is he going to actually live out here with them now?  As a survivor?  Because how cool would that be for Jeffy to actually compete in this game?  And how totally ridiculous...of course he would get voted off immediately...and obviously that was not what he was doing there.  No, this time the Immunity Challenge is being held right at camp and right now.

 

And we were right, like we always are, the challenge is a trivia game about the reward challenge.  One wrong answer and you're out.  He asks things about the fireworks, what color was the pole in the middle of the demo, and what were the dancers wearing on their feet.  I can't remember who got what right, but Snowman won the first individual immunity.  Good for you, youngster!!  So back at camp and everyone is in a frenzy.  The Movie Rating is trying to find out how many people she has on her side...not nearly enough my dear.  Pixie Todd and Topless Amanda are telling Cutey Pie that Cruella cannot be trusted.  And Cutey Pie is getting annoyed again.  You know what I'm starting to realize about our sexy grave digger?  He doesn't like people so much.  They really seem to get on his nerves.  So Topless Amanda wants to vote out the Princess and Cutey Pie tells them he thinks the Princess has a fake idol.  This is gonna be priceless.  The People Reader confirms his position with Pixie and then basically threatens him by saying, if anything happens to me, if I get blind-sided, I'll know it was you and I will make sure you do not win this game.  Nice.  Threats always work so well.  So the Princess and the Movie Rating start trying to convince people to vote against the People Reader by telling them they have an immunity idol.  And of course everyone knows they don't.  And the Hubby just wants to fast forward to the end now.  But me?  I'm in heaven.  This is going to be classic. 

 

So back at Tribal Council and after everyone says how happy they are about the merge, the People Reader says, oh Cruella will probably make it to the end now because no one considers her a threat.  Which is a very under-handed way of saying someone is a threat.  Which of course Cruella jumps all over.  Cutey says the People Reader should learn to keep his mouth shut.  The Princess says, we know their team has a weak spot, you just need to find one person who wants someone to go that isn't you....making it pretty obvious that they are voting for the People Reader.  But now it's time to vote.  Once the votes are read, the decision is final.  The person being voted out will have to leave the tribal council area immediately.  Jeffy comes back with the votes and here it is - the Princess stops him and says, um, I found this thing and I think it might be the idol.  So Jeffy explains how the immunity idol would work, none of the votes against the Princess would count, if this were the idol, which it's not...and then he tosses it right onto the fire!!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Brilliant!!!  Poor Princess.  You should have known better.  And so, naturally it's the Princess who is voted off.  The Hubby says I only enjoyed it so much because I was being catty and hateful toward this girl because she's blonde and pretty.  Thanks for pointing out the obvious, hon.  <evil grin>  Of course that's all it was....I could have just as easily made that ridiculously stupid assumption....but I didn't.  She did.  [insert dumb blonde joke of your choice]  And now she's the first member of the Jury.

 

This show is still good...after all these years....it's still good.

Aloha,

Heather

 

 

Yeah, I'll tell you all about both of these episodes too.  You know the Hubby and I were sitting in front of the boob tube all last weekend to get ourselves caught back up with all the TV we missed.  Normally, I curse the stupid baseball playoffs and World Series for interrupting the normal schedule....but this year it has been a welcome relief.  Go Soxs!  So, anyway two weeks ago Bland Man had been voted out thankfully and now everyone is really bored without the drama.  Snowman thinks that the Tigers should be a good team even though they're not.  Sherea is ready for things to be shaken up....kind of a drag without the Bland Man making you crazy, huh?  Erik the Silent and the Princess seem to really like each other.  I don't how you could possibly be attracted to anyone in the Chinese Outback without deoderant, mouthwash or razors for hairy arm pits....but they look cute together.  And then Erik explains why he is so quiet all the time....he's a virgin.....no joke.  And the poor little Princess tries not to sound surprised and goes, oh I think that's neat.  <chuckle>  Seriously, why is there such a double-standard with that.  If a girl's a virgin it's really no big deal...but a guy?  Granted Erik is like 25...and he's cute....maybe he lives in a really small town.  So anyway now Erik the Virgin has completely gained the trust of the Princess, you know because virgins are so trustworthy, so she tells him about the hidden immunity idol.

 

Back over at the Dragon camp, we get to follow around Cutey Pie and the Lunch Lady while they do all the work around camp.  And Cutey Pie, bless his heart, says if he was older or Lunch Lady was younger...you never know what could happen because he likes a woman with a strong work ethic.  Oh really?  That's sweet.  It really is....because he sounded so sincere.  So Cutey Pie basically does everything around camp and wins challenges for the Dragons.  He probably has a huge target on his chest and doesn't even know it yet.

 

So the Chinese boatmen bring the teams their next tree-mails things and whaddya know?  The Dragons have to pick two of the Tigers to come over and join their team.  But they know they will have two of their own sent over to join the Tigers as well, and everybody knows the Tigers are going to pick Cutey Pie and Aaron.  The Tigers on the other hand are completely clueless that this treemail will go both ways....they think they are getting two Dragons and the Dragons are getting nothing.  Don't be ridiculous!  But it is pretty sweet that they are getting their hopes up like this....only to be crushed after the next commercial break.

 

So the Dragons get the news that its Cutey Pie and Aaron the Tigers have picked and then the Tigers get the news that Sherea and Snowman are going over to the Dragons....WHAT?!?!?!  Heeheeheeheee....you morons.  Of course that's how it was going to work.  So anyway, everybody tries to remain calm and both teams get a basket o' goodies to enjoy when they get their new tribe members.  The People Reader Poker Player gets up early the next day over at the Dragon team and starts making breakfast.  This motivation to actually do some work has clearly come from his keen awareness that his neck is on the chopping block.  Nobody is buying it.  And when he asks Lunch Lady to help him with the fish net, she snaps back that he shouldn't be ordering anyone around...ooooOOOOOoooo....now Sherea and Snowman know there is a weak link on this tribe.

 

So Aaron is basically hanging Cutey Pie out to dry telling the Tigers that he is waaaaaaaaaaay stronger than any of them (no kidding) and basically the only reason that his team was winning challenges (NO kidding).  But he shouldn't go home!!!  Not yet!!!  He's way too cute for that!!  At least put him on the jury and then I can still see him every week....The Movie Rating is kind of skeptical of Aaron, she's thinks he's too devious....so she suggests to the Princess that they throw the next two challenges to get the Dragons kicked out and even up the Tiger numbers so when they merge the Tigers will be strong.  OH NO!!!  This is a great plan, everyone should think like this in the game....but he's soooooooooooo cute!!

 

Time for the Immunity Challenge and the teams have to swim out to a platform and get all these puzzle pieces and then bring them back to shore and the other team members have to put the puzzle together.  The Virgin and Aaron are swimming, and the People Reader and Snowman are swimming.  Back to the beach and the Tigers are ahead....but the Movie Rating and the Princess are not trying to hide very well the fact that they are throwing this challenge.  Jeffy even comments on it.  The Princess is laughing and the Movie Rating acts very distracted.  And Cutey Pie is fuming.  So, obviously the Dragons win immunity.  The Tigers get back to camp and Cutey Pie is yelling at everyone to get serious.  The boys ask the Virgin what the hell is going on and of course he doesn't know (guess she doesn't trust you that much) so he goes to confront the girls and they let him in on it.  Now he's uneasy because he's not sure he can trust them anymore, but he really has no choice at this point.  They decide Aaron should be the one to go since he probably has more alliances set up with the Dragons.  Then the Moving Rating asks Cutey Pie if he wants to stay longer than Aaron and he is so pissed he says no.  (AAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!)  He says Aaron deserves it and he can't stand losing. 

 

Off to tribal council.  Jeffy asks why the Princess has that dumb grin on her face and then says it looks like you were throwing the challenge which she, without hesitation, admits to....and Cutey Pie looked like he wanted to throttle the girl.  Cutey says this is why this team loses all the time....they don't care.  But honestly, it's an excellent strategy....if they follow through with it.  Time to vote.  Once the votes are read, the decision is final.  The person being voted out will have to leave the tribal council area immediately.  Cutey votes for the Movie Rating, Aaron votes for Cutey....and everyone else votes for.............Aaron.  Oh thank God....but Cutey is even more pissed now....Jeffy says if your assumptions are right this move could be very good for you, if not you could be in trouble....

 

On to this week's episode.  At the Tiger camp, Cutey is still doing all the work even though he knows he'll be the next to go.  Movie Rating offers to help, but you know she doesn't really want to...no, she just wants to wallow in the glory of her brilliant strategy and how it played out the previous night.  Good for her...they got rid of a strong player....it still feels kind of skeevy....but it's the only way for the weaklings to outplay the stronger players.

 

Over at Dragon camp, Pixie Todd tells Topless Amanda about the clues to the hidden immunity idol because he hasn't been able to find it and wants her help and also wants to solidify her trust in him.  They decide to kidnap Cutey at the next challenge so that he can give them the next clue....hmmm.....Pixie Todd is a favorite to win this thing I think.  He's very good at the strategy so far....very good....so it's Reward Challenge time.  The winning team gets to go to some Chinese Tea House for food, showers and toilet paper.  Sounds nice.  The challenge is another puzzle; the teams have to run into this building to find these plank puzzle pieces and then once they have all the puzzle pieces...blah blah blah.  So the race is pretty much neck in neck....the Movie Rating whispers to Sherea during the race that they're looking out for her and Snowman.  The Dragons start deciphering their puzzle first and recognize the most recognizable quote every - "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."  Well, of course it does.  And of course the Dragons win...so they kidnap Cutey who gets to go to the Reward with them....ahhhhhhhhhhhh....Karma.

 

So at the Tea House everyone is eating and bathing, the People Reader is making lewd comments about Topless Amanda and Cruella (ewwww!!!), and Cutey is taking a shower and showing off his perfect naked butt.....which even though blurred out on TV was still quite obviously fantastic based on the reactions of all the girls.  Even Lunch Lady took a good long look...<chuckle>.  Back at Tiger camp, the Movie Rating is starting to question her strategy....Sherea didn't respond to her comment during the game and Snowman was not making eye contact with them.....so they may have been turned already.....so now the three musketeers feel like they need to win the next Immunity Challenge to save themselves.

 

Back at Dragon camp and the brilliant Pixie Todd tells Cutey he wants the clue, and its for the hidden immunity and he'll give Cutey the immunity if he gives him the clue....aha!  So Cutey does because he really has no other choice.  So Topless Amanda comes up with the brilliant idea of deconstructing the archway where the idol is hidden to distract everyone from what Pixie is doing trying to pry it out of the top beam....ridiculous....why do it while everyone is right there....and inevitably Snowman comes over to help....and of course Pixie Todd freaks out.....the Immunity idol comes loose and now Snowman knows about it.  So he is now part of their alliance by default.  What luck!  So they give the idol to Cutey and say that the Dragons absolutely must win the next Immunity challenge for this to work....Cutey agrees to throw the challenge for the Tigers even though he still thinks they'll be throwing it anyway.  Uh oh.............

 

The Immunity Challenge this week is the dreaded Fear Factor eating extravaganza.....the teams have to eat gross local food and whoever chokes it down the fastest gets a point.  Round 1 is Snowman versus the Movie Rating and the point went to the Dragons when the Snowman choked down his chicken hearts the fastest.  Round 2 is Cruella versus the Princess....eating eels...this doesn't even seem fair.  Cruella has no room in her emaciated body for a gulp of air, let alone disgusting food, so now the teams are tied.  Round 3 is Topless versus the Virgin munching on baby turtles (gag) and the Virgin swallows it down first.  The Tigers are up!!!  Round 4 is Lunch Lady versus Cutey eating a chicken fetus (feathers and all) and I seriously almost couldn't watch this one.  Poor Lunch Lady couldn't stop her gag reflex and couldn't get anything down....and Cutey basically stopped eating altogether to give her a chance to win....and then in the end he couldn't hold out anymore, he was forced to win....so much for throwing the game....So the Tigers are up 3 to 1.  It all comes down to Round 5, it's Snowman versus Virgin eating a thousand year old egg....and you'd think they were in a pie eating contest as fast as those things went down....but Virgin edged out a win (really only because Jeffy looked at him first) so the Tigers win....and completely spoil Pixie Todd's plan.

 

So back at camp, the Dragons are very depressed....they decide to vote off Sherea to stick with their original plan of thinning out the Tigers.  But Cruella likes Sherea and wants to vote off the People Reader.  She makes her case to Pixie and Topless....and Pixie later says (brilliantly) that they really should do what the others want otherwise they look like power players....genius.  Of course you should....so we're off to the Tribal Council.  And of course Jeffy asks the People Reader how things are going, and he, very modestly, says he's a new man working around camp and Sherea immediately jumps in and starts yelling at him.  Oh sheesh....this woman is so abrasive and "in your face"....the same way she was with Bland Man.  Some people just can't open their mouths without making things worse...and she's one of those people.  But then Cruella starts defending Sherea by mocking the People Reader and saying, what makes him a 'bad boy'?  Then she says she feels like an outsider in her tribe and Pixie Todd is taken aback!  Of course she feels like an outsider....most people probably don't even see her walking around, she's practically two-dimensional.  So anyway, now that everyone is all worked up, it's time to vote.  Once the votes are read, the decision is final.  The person being voted out will have to leave the tribal council area immediately.  While Cruella and Sherea very predictably vote for the People Reader, everyone else votes for Sherea.  Good.  She annoyed me the most this week.  No words of wisdom from Jeffy, he just says see ya later.  So I will too.

 

Aloha,

Heather

 

So the weather has finally broken.  We’re in full-on sweater mode.  This is very exciting for me…..except of course for the fact that we’re leaving on Monday to go on vacation.  In Vegas, baby!!  Our Vegas vacation.  This is very exciting for me….spending autumn in the desert.  <smile>  No seriously.  I’m being serious.  I plan on having an excellent time.  But this morning, we’re back in the Chinese Outback.  The People Reader Poker Player is patting himself on the back for his excellent strategy.  Look dude, you made it through the last tribal council by the skin of your teeth…..but now he’s working in camp………so now everybody’s gonna like him again………..I still think it’s a stupid strategy, but isn’t it always the stupid strategies that end up working?  Cruella doesn’t like the People Reader yelling at her.  He “yelled” at her when he thought she was going to burn her hand on something….or whatever she was doing at the time……I wasn’t really paying attention this early in the episode.  But listen, to be fair….she is disappearing into the ether and probably feels like everything is much louder than it actually is…..so let’s give her a break, shall we?  No?  Ok then.  She’s completely useless and needs to be the next to go from the Dragons.  Gosh, you guys are brutal.

 

Now the Tigers have managed to ruin their little pot of rice, by letting it get wet and moldy.  Ewwwwwwwwwwww!!!  You would think the rice pot would be a priority.  You would think they would make sure it was dry and safe.  But no, fighting about the green rice is much more fun.  I’m not really even sure I understood what the actual argument was about, but Sherea and Bland Man start going at each other.  For a “leader”, Bland Man certainly has very little success at diffusing situations…..he seems to needle things into huge problems.  He’s not necessarily an instigator….but he’s such a drama queen.  No room for anybody else to have any other practical suggestions or game plans.  He is the Mad Hatter at the tea party – No ROOM!!!  Then, Sherea makes the mistake of trying to throw away some shells that Bland Man was apparently saving for his mom, or something.  And he says, Sherea, Sherea, Sherea, Sherea, don’t throw those away, don’t throw those away, don’t throw those away….seriously, its that annoying.  Enough already!!  And Sherea of course makes it worse because she’s just screaming at him to ‘back up off her!!’  <shaking my head>  Snowman tells Bland Man he needs to relax.  Good call.  But without the soap opera, this show would be nothing.  Its always so fascinating to see what hunger and nature will do to people.

 

The tribes get some tree mail saying, go to tribal council tonight and everybody freaks out first and then realizes its for the reward challenge and the reward this time is FOOD.  Get ready everybody.  It’s the Flaming Chopstick Race.  This was actually kind of cool.  Good on the Survivor people for coming up with such cool challenges all the time.  So they have to use these huge over-sized chopsticks to move this little flaming ball into a pot which explodes into fireworks.  The first team to explode three fireworks, wins.  The chopsticks get longer, and more difficult to use, each time.  It was kind of painstaking to watch, and clearly I would have no patience for this one, but in the end the Dragons win.  The Dragons pick Bland Man (interesting choice) to kidnap….and you can just see the sigh of relief wash over the Tiger team….turns out they get a reward too!!

 

So back at the Tiger team, everybody is coming to the sad realization that Bland Man did A LOT of work around the camp.  So now everybody else picks up the slack…..except for Sherea.  She’s going to save her energy for the challenges and just lay around and relax…..haven’t these people ever watched this show?  Seriously?  Doesn’t she know that if you’re lazy, everybody hates you?  Ridiculous.  So back at the Dragon team, the little Chinese fisherman family shows up for the reward with all kinds of food.  They’re also going to show the Dragons how to fish.  And whaddya know….the People Reader can speak Mandarin (ok, so they’re Mandarin) and communicates effortlessly with the little fisherman family.  Will wonders never cease?  And the fisherman guy was the coolest.  Get this….they use trained ducks to catch fish for them…..how totally awesome is that?  I want a trained duck.  Just to have.  That would be cool….

 

So Bland Man has the immunity idol clue (because he was the one kidnapped, remember) and so now he knows about the idol.  He decides to give the clue to Pixie Todd.  Oh boy…..why him?  Now he’s still the only one who knows about it on his team…..oh boy.  Now its time for the Immunity Challenge….Bland Man goes back to the Tigers.  Teams of two have to put on ancient Chinese soldier garb, toss some thing Jeffy called hammers (but they looked more like flails, think Mel Gibson in Braveheart when he bludgeons that guys head in with the swingy ball thing before he and his horse jump into the water) at the other team’s vases, while simultaneously protecting their own vases.  Whoever breaks the most vases in three rounds, wins.  Simple, right?  Sherea scores for the Tigers, Pixie and Cutey Pie both score for the Dragons, the Princess scores twice on one throw for the Tigers, but on the last throw Topless Amanda scores the winning break for the Dragons and they win immunity again.

 

So back at Tiger Camp and Bland Man is being ridiculously annoying.  Has everyone gone crazy?  How can people be so oblivious to how everyone else sees them?  Now, don’t think I’m so ignorant as to not believe that the editors of this show don’t cut and paste this stuff together to make it look a certain way….I’ve seen enough of the Real World to know better than that…..but honestly, I can’t imagine they had to do much to make Bland Man seem this annoying.  So Bland Man is talking to Erik the Silent (who looks surprisingly like Peter Petrelli, see the Heroes blog if you don’t know) and the Movie Rating to convince them to vote for Sherea….but Bland Man….it's always you having the problem with someone else…..you see…..you’re the common denominator here…..not Pay Per View, not Sherea…..it’s you.  Clear.  As.  Day.  Of course, at the last second Sherea is having some qualms about being so lazy when she sees the rest of the team swimming and whispering/plotting together.  Yeah, hon, being lazy may not have been the best game plan.

 

So we’re at tribal council Sherea tries to make her point that she needs to save her energy for the challenges…..<sigh> and when Jeffy asks the Movie Rating about it, she says it needs to be a balance.  And then Sherea tries to say, but Movie Rating likes being at camp and I don’t.  What?  Is that because she’s Asian?  Why would you say something like that?  Who….seriously who…..would like being out in the Chinese Outback in these conditions….I mean, come on…Erik the Silent thinks people should appreciate Bland Man more <????? Maybe this guy is on crack, maybe that's why he's so quiet all the time...>  Snowman says everyone got along fine without him, but they did realize how much work he actually does.  So it’s time to vote.  Once the votes are read, the decision is final and the person voted out must leave the tribal council area immediately.  It’s Bland Man.  Thank Goodness!!!!!!!  Babye Dave.  We’re so not gonna miss you.  Jeffy says, now you guys are really gonna need a plan.

 

Due to the impending vacation….the blogs may be a little late next week.  Don’t worry, you’ll get to hear all about Vegas, pictures and everything.  Assuming of course, I don’t have to pawn off my laptop to pay for gambling debts…..HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.

 

Aloha,

Heather

So we’re back to the Chinese Outback.  I need to make a quick aside here….in my eternal quest to try and unravel the mystery that is ‘Weather in Maryland’…..why is it so friggin warm?!?!?  It’s October for crying out loud!!!  Pumpkins and apple cider time of year…..it’s supposed to be chilly…..it’s supposed to be fall…..this is completely unacceptable.  Ok.  Now that I have that out of my system, let’s talk about our Survivors.  The People Reader Poker Player is skeeving out all the girls on the Dragons.  He’s too touchy-feely….and he snores.  Trust me on this….boys…..if you have a snoring problem….please, try to do something about it.  The Hubby snores like a grizzly bear….and me on three hours of sleep is not conducive to a happy marriage. 

 

So, Cutey Pie catches a crab and Aaron goes a little crazy on everyone….kind of crabby….AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  I’m so hysterical.  Um…anyway, he wants to eat the whole crab and Cutey Pie says no, cook it another way so it lasts longer.  Cutey Pie is annoyed with everyone because apparently he was the only one that bothered to read a survival manual before coming out here.  Nice plug for Barnes & Noble.  I bet he could do commercials for them after he wins.  And what the hell!!  Who wouldn’t be reading about survival tactics?!?!?!  Morons.  Cutey pie is gorgeous and smart….and shy…….<sigh>………and gorgeous.  Ok, moving right along.

 

Over at the Tigers team, Bland Man is still….still……..still……….building his Mayan temple.  Were the Mayans the ones that sacrificed people?  I can never keep that straight.  And if I haven’t mentioned it yet…I will now.  Bland Man is ridiculously irritating.  Movie Rating, very logically, suggests that he conserve his energy….since his burning out on the last challenge cost them…..and he goes all pissy 14-year-old teenager on her.  Seriously.  Have you ever seen anyone bug their eyes out in a more immature way?  He’s passive aggressive….he acts like a martyr….and I HATE people like that!!!  Get rid of this guy.  Besides building the safe house for the three little pigs…..he’s done absolutely nothing except annoy me.  And while he’s trying to lamely explain that in order to conserve energy you need to expend it (???????????????), he says the famous words of all lame jerkheads – “It’s not rocket science.”  No.  No Dave, it’s not.  But suggesting that you are a highly tuned athlete whose adrenaline and endorphins will kick in….is simply ridiculous.  To suggest that your body can function without food or rest……is ridiculous.  And your stupid fire pit….is ridiculous.  It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to run the only rocket factory in town…..

 

So now it’s time for the reward challenge.  More muscle.  They have to push each other off platforms out in the water.  Cruella sits out….which is a good idea…..because I think she’s going a little invisible now.  So the Tiger women (Movie Rating, Sherea and the Little Princess) face off against Topless Amanda, Mullethead and Sister Leslie for the Dragons.  This seems like a no-brainer….but because of their poor strategy and no good center of gravity…..the Dragons lose.  Now its time for the boys – Bland Man, Snowman and Erik (who? Has that guy said anything yet?) for the Tigers and Crabby, People Reader and Cutey Pie for the Dragons.  Then Bland Man gets naked……………um…………….so…………………all that energy he has now…………….due to the hard work and all…………..has apparently made him crazy.  I don’t get it.  Naked?  Why?  The boys don’t care.  The girls are clearly not impressed.  And poor Jeffy is forced to watch.  <shaking my head>  I hate this guy even more now.  This is definitely a no-brainer.  The People Reader weighs like four hundred pounds and takes the other team down with him.  Cutey Pie is the last man standing…no surprise there.  So the score is tied.  Back to the ladies, same teams.  And the Tigers score again.  So let’s skip to the end.  The Tiger ladies won all their points and the Dragon men won all their points….but since the Tiger ladies went first….they got to three points first.  The Hubby pointed out this wasn’t fair.  That they should have competed in rounds, and given the boys the chance to tie it up…..which I agree with…….but this show is only an hour long.  So the Tigers get the ‘comfort’ reward….and more importantly, have won for the first time.

 

The Tigers pick Sister Leslie to kidnap and Jeffy gives her the next clue to the immunity idol.  Sister Leslie likes the Tigers a lot more than the Dragons, because some of their players are Christians and she apparently cannot tolerate the cynics on her own team.  So she’s blabbing about everyone.  <shaking my head>  This lady is not a very good contestant.  And the religion thing is a little annoying.  Ok.  You’re Christian.  I get it.  You're better than me.  Relax. 

 

Back at Dragon camp, Cutey Pie is having a swim with the People Reader and they are discussing, loudly, who should go.  Boys, boys, boys.  Why don’t they teach boys how to properly gossip about people?  So naturally because they are talking about Cruella and the Pixie, Cruella and the Pixie overhear the whole thing.  Greaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.  The People Reader says it should be either Sister Leslie or Cruella to go, and Cutey Pie says Leslie and so the People Reader (using his highly attuned people reading skills) interprets that to mean that Cutey Pie wants Cruella around because he likes her.  A million dollars would be nice, but a million dollars AND a piece of ass? 

 

 

 

I’m speechless.  First of all, this guy is like a retard when it comes to interpersonal skills.  Maybe he plays poker on the internet.  And second….I highly doubt Cutey Pie is attracted to the disappearing Cruella….in fact….if you were listening, you would have heard him say, I’ll take a million dollars and a sandwich.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  And then he says, people who feel like they have to pray all the time only think that because they sin so much.  <chuckle>  I think he's a little off on that one....but it's an interesting theory at least.  So anyway, the Pixie is divided now between his disgust over what they said, their high threat level and their usefulness on challenges.

 

Sister Leslie, of course, gives the clue to the Little Princess.  The idol is in plain sight and its not on the ground….and as soon as she read the clue, she immediately looked up.  That was a priceless blonde moment.  Maybe the idol is a monkey sweetheart and you have to catch the monkey?  Heehee.  I like being catty, leave me alone. 

 

Now it’s time for the Immunity challenge.  More muscle.  The teams have to chop through these little bamboo columns to release ropes holding puzzle pieces, and then different team members have to assemble the puzzle and drag it across the finish line.  Now.  Because they sat out during the last challenge, the Pixie and Cruella have to compete during this one.  Uh oh.  So the Dragons send Cruella out first…which I think is a mistake.  This poor girl hardly has the muscles to contract her diaphragm enough to suck air into her lungs and you’re asking her to first of all pick up a machete and then use it to chop?!?!?!  This is like a nightmare in slow motion.  The Tigers get all of their puzzle pieces and are assembling the puzzle before Cruella finally gets done with the first chopping station for the Dragons.  The other team members pick up the slack and Cutey Pie practically cuts the whole beam down with one karate chop of the machete.  They actually end up even with the Tigers in the end for a little while….but the Tigers don’t panic and Bland Man and Sherea lug the puzzle across the finish line first.  The Tigers win again!!  Their first immunity!!

 

So back at Dragon camp, everyone is plotting and scheming.  Apparently the vote will be between Cruella, Sister Leslie and the People Reader.  I think it should be the People Reader….honestly, if you’re playing for yourself, and not your team….you’d vote for your biggest competition because once the immunity gets to individual immunity….the People Reader could win them all….potentially.  But, what do I know?  At Tribal Council, Jeffy asks the People Reader something, I don’t remember what exactly, but then this moron starts off on the “weakest” players on the team….<shaking my head>…..so, now he’s stuck his foot all the way down his throat making himself sound like the bad guy.  Learn some diplomacy!!!  Being diplomatic is key in manipulating people.  Actually, not making people hate you is key in manipulating people…..but what do I know.  But here’s the thing…which we really can’t get around.  Cruella is the weakest player.  By far and away.  So, even though he’s being a dumbhead about it, he’s actually right.  She’s ridiculously weak.  The Hubby is skeptical that she could have passed any kind of physical exam the producers subject the contestant to….but let’s move on….time for the vote.  Once the votes are read, the decision is final and the person voted out must leave the Tribal Council area immediately.  It’s Sister Leslie.  You’re all gonna burn in hell for this one!!

 

Jeffy points out that this tribe needs to have more fun together, and very diplomatically adds, find out how to use everyone’s unique skills more effectively or some such rubbish.  Yeah, Jeffy.  Maybe Cruella is really good at word scrambles….ya never know. 

 

So now with Sister Leslie gone….the Pixie gets his wish and he’s the only one on the Dragon team who knows about the idol.  Nice.  I see the little guy going far in this game….

 

Aloha,

Heather

It’s Thursday night and we have a gazillion shows to watch.  Bizarro is on Smallville.  We find out if that guy lives on CSI.  And of course, we find out if Neela lives on ER.  But first, the night kicks off to one of the best reality competitions on (Amazing Race is by far the best) – Survivor baby!  As the show starts, the Tigers are quickly descending into chaos, otherwise known as Bland Man’s (Dave) leadership skills.  What an ass….I mean seriously….What.  An.  Ass.  People who are passive aggressive should never be allowed to lead anything….unless it’s a march into the nearest insane asylum.  You can’t argue with people like this, as Pay Per View is quickly realizing.  And Bland Man has a vision, which no peon will dissuade him from.  He must build the most awesome stone barbecue pit ever seen in the Chinese outback….and if takes the entire 39 days to do it….well, that’s just how its gonna be…except of course for the fact that everyone is starving.  The Little Princess (Jaime) is hunnnnnnnnngreeee and wants a little fire to cook a little rice.  And Bland Man says ixne on the icre….there is work to be done on his monument to the Chinese fire god Smok-e-bayr. 

 

The Dragons seem to be getting along well enough, except of course for the People Reader Poker Player – Mr. Jean Robert, who apparently thinks sleeping and slacking off is an excellent strategy for making his work later in the game appear Herculean.  Listen.  This may have worked in high school when you didn’t want your parents to have ridiculous expectations for you to get straight A’s…..but we’re out in the wilderness here People Reader with rabid pandas and mud and bamboo.  I don’t think its going to work.  And I don’t think he has any clue how close he is to being booted out. 

 

The Reward Challenge is for fishing gear and some secret clue.  The Dragons and the Tigers have to battle it out in the mud pit to get their big wooden ball across their finish line before the other team does the same.  This reminded me of that Japanese game show on Spike TV – MXC.  [hey there are times when absolutely nothing else is on….what do you expect me to do?  Read?]  So they’re battling it out and apparently if you pull someone’s clothes off their legs stop working….because that’s what the “game” became – Strip Ball Rolling.

 

Wow….that sounded way more pornographic than I meant it to….

 

Anyway, a topless Amanda (hiking guide) scores the first point for the Dragons.  The second round has Cutey Pie competing for the Dragons….so it was a lock for them.  So the Dragons get the fishing gear, but wait!  They also get to kidnap one of the Tigers.  So they pick the Little Princess and Jeff gives her a “clue” that she’s supposed to open in private.  Huh?  Why does she get the clue?  She’s the loser.

 

When the Tigers get back to their camp it is basically under water, thanks to the rain.  But Bland Man’s human sacrifice platform has withstood the elements, which he takes as proof of his genius.  <sigh>  Pay Per View is shooting daggers out of her eyeballs at him….<giggle>  love the drama.  Back at the Dragons, Pixie Boy (Todd the Flight Attendant) warns everyone to watch their stuff, especially the flint, because he thinks the Little Princess is wily enough to think of stealing….which I don’t think ever occurred to her….but good on him for being cautious!  The Little Princess reads her clue and discovers that there is a hidden immunity idol at the Dragon camp and she has to give one of the Dragons the clue to where it is hidden before she leaves……hmmm….choices, choices.  Give it to their weakest link!  Ahhhh, she’s brilliant!  So she picks Sister Leslie, who apparently cannot commune with the Lord without her bible and is crying about it.  Good choice.  Leslie thinks it’s a sign from God.  Well.  Of course she does.  So, she can’t find the idol in the first 8 minutes of looking for it, so she recruits Pixie Boy to help.  What!!!!  Don’t tell anyone!!!  You idiot!!!!  AAAAAiiiiiiiiiiEEEEEEEEEEE!!!   So Pixie Boy is like, I hope she gets sick and has to leave and then I’ll be the only one who knows about it….nice.  Nice and ruthless.  Perfect for this game.

 

So now it’s the Immunity Challenge, which is basically taking a huge log and breaking through two big walls and then fitting the huge log, which is actually a puzzle log, through a little maze and then banging the gong.  Sounds easy enough, right?  Well the Dragons, and Cutey Pie, excel of course.  While the Tigers led by Bland Man falter early in the competition.  Bland Man is tired….which he should be…..after hauling huge stone bricks around and not eating for the last three days….and he drags them down.  Although they were pretty much in it at the end…the Dragons pulled out another victory. 

 

So back at Tiger camp, its basically a toss up between Bland Man and Pay Per View.  That’s unfortunate….they were at least entertaining.  I’ll skip through all the conversations about who it should be and go straight to Tribal Council.  Jeffy asks Snowman about leadership and he basically says, Yeah Dave’s ok at it.  <chuckle>  Not exactly a ringing endorsement.  Then Pay Per View lets loose.  Ahhhhhhhhh, excellent.  Jeffy loves this stuff and lets them go at each other.  He should be a couples therapist….seriously.  Sherea finally says something and in true female “I’ve been holding this in for too long” fashion gets a little overwrought about how terrible things are…So Jeffy asks Pay Per View what’s she’s basing her vote on and she says “Oh, I’m voting for Dave.”  HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA…nice.  Jeffy even smiled at that one.  So everybody casts their votes.  Once the votes are read, the decision is final and the person voted out must leave the Tribal Council area immediately.  One vote for Bland Man and the rest?   For Pay Per View….awwwwwwwww….that’s too bad.  The Hubby is very upset by this decision, clearly he thought she was an excellent…..”contestant”.  Sherea is crying….which was kind of weird.  And after Jeffy extinguishes her torch, Pay Per View turns around and points at Bland Man menacingly and says, I’ll see you soon.  I think she meant he would be voted out soon….but it sounded like she wanted to kick his ass.  HAHAHAHAHHAA.  Good. 

 

Another good episode….but when does the Little Princess tell the Dragons that there is probably a hidden immunity idol at their own camp too?

 

Aloha,

Heather

 

So, if anyone thought I was waiting to post the blog this week until after Survivor came on….well, you were right.  My reality TV is back on….at long last.  I did watch ‘Ice Road Truckers’ over the summer, but truck drivers really aren’t the entertaining drama queens that starving stranded people can be….If you don’t watch reality TV, or even TV, then by all means keep reading.  This short recap will highlight the only truly important parts of the shows to save you some time.  And if by some chance, you missed the premiere episode last night <gasp> and you really meant to watch it but just assumed it premiered next week with just about every other show except for Prison Break and that Lord of the Flies remake KidNation….well, do not fret.  I have all the juicy gossip.  Now I should probably say, for those of you who don’t know, that I am pretty terrible with names.  I even have a tendency to call the people I work with by nicknames….not because I’m trying to be funny or clever….I just can’t remember who they are…..so try to follow along. 

 

This year is Season 15.  Fifteen!!!  That’s crazy.  The Hubby and I have watched every episode….and if Richard Hatch hadn’t been such an evil bastard….and if Fargo Sue hadn’t given that priceless speech about rats and snakes….we probably would have never watched it again.  I like the island seasons the most I think….so already I’m not that keen on the whole China idea.  Of course….truthfully, I know very little about China.  I do know they showed lots of clips of monkeys and panda bears throughout the show last night….panda bears are soooooooooooooo cute.  So that made me a little happier. 

 

In the opening scene all the contestants have to be “welcomed” to the country by Buddhist monks in some kind of temple.  I thought it was pretty cool.  But we couldn’t even get through this simple little gesture of local generosity without some drama.  First and foremost….we’ve got this ridiculously thin ugly-Gwen from New York complaining that she doesn’t know what’s going on and this is taking too long.  I’m gonna hate this girl.  I already know I’m gonna hate her.  You really should have eaten a few burgers before coming on the show sweetheart.  If she lasts more than a week, she may disappear altogether.  Her name is Courtney (well, of course it is), but we’re not going to call her that….no, let’s call her Cruella.  Aside from Cruella, we have another whiner right off the bat.  Leslie is a Christian radio talk show host and is offended by the Buddhist display….even though….Jeffy made a huuuuuuuuuuuge point about the fact that it was not a worship ceremony…..it was a welcome.  So Leslie walks out in the middle of the whole thing in tears because she feels like she’s worshipping a Buddha statue.  I did think this was kind of ridiculous….but I won’t make a big deal about it because I’m not a religious person and don’t wholly understand that faith that fills some people’s hearts.  I have seen it overwhelm some people….just like I’ve seen it turn some people into total nutjobs.  I’m hoping Leslie is going to be one of those nutjobs….if only for the entertainment value of it.  So, Sister Leslie….don’t let me down.

 

The motley crew is divided up into their teams quickly, given their buffs, a map and a copy of The Art of War.  Interesting….already I’m thinking that must be a clue as to where the immunity idols are hidden….but wait, that was last season.  Maybe there are no hidden immunity idols this season….after all, they did find them awfully quick last season.  So the teams are off – one is Crouching Tiger, the other is Hidden Dragon.  That’s not actually what they were, but one was the something Tigers and the other was the something Dragons.  And here yet again, we get to see the complete and total fiasco that is a group of eight adults trying to row a boat together.  Honestly….I never know why this is so hard….or why they look so comical trying….

 

So, let’s meet the rest of the losers….I mean, contestants.  The Tigers have Sherea (teacher) who got stuck wearing her heels into the Chinese outback (when will these people learn!!), Peih Gee who was born in Hong Kong….but obviously didn’t spend much time there, Ashley who is a professional wrestler and has a pair of flotation devices permanently attached to her chest, Chicken…….who is from the backwoods of Verginya, Dave who apparently used to model but is waaaaaaaaaay too old for that now (just kidding, he’s in his late 30’s), Eric who is a musician and didn’t really talk a whole lot during this episode, Jaime who is a student from California or Florida or somewhere else bleach blondes fit in, and Frosti.  That’s not my nickname….that’s his nickname.  His real name is Mike….which I actually like better than Frosti.  I didn’t catch an explanation for this….but I’m hoping it’s a good story.  He’s a kid and the youngest survivor contestant ever at 20.  He’s also tiny….I’m being serious….he’s literally kid-like.  So that’s the Tigers. 

 

The Dragons have Aaron (surfer) who’s clearly going to be the leader and probably the first sacrifice to go, Amanda (hiking gudie?) who has the biggest teeth I’ve ever seen, Cruella, Denise (lunch lady) who has....<chuckle, snort> a mullet, James (grave digger) who is absolutely gorgeous and my favorite, Jean-Robert (professional poker player) who thinks he can read people, Sister Leslie, and Todd (flight attendant) who is like a little pixie.  The Dragons are clearly going to have more drama going on….they seem like a train wreck just waiting to happen. 

 

So the first task is always the shelter…and just to remind everyone how important it is….the Buddhist monks make it start raining.  Good.  Make ‘em miserable!!  The Chicken Man is telling everyone how to build a shelter in the charming redneck way of demeaning everybody around you.  James, who will now be called Cutey Pie, is hacking away at the bamboo on the other lake-island and showing off his muscles.  I mentioned to the Hubby that he needs those muscles to dig graves….to which the Hubby pointed out that he probably uses a backhoe…..like everyone else.  So they spend the night in the rain…..Ashley, who will now be called Pay Per View, is sick as a dog.  I can’t even imagine getting sick out in the middle of nowhere like that.  I would be the biggest baby.  And the vultures are circling.  Dave makes a huge show of saying, don’t think that you’re up on the chopping block just because you’re down for the count….what a jackass.  Of course that’s what’s going on….don’t be insipid about it though.

 

Day 3 and it’s time for the first immunity challenge obstacle course.  Woooooohooooooo!!!  I love the obstacle course…only because I’m not doing it and people are usually terrible at working together.  So both teams have to carry one of those long dragon puppet things on sticks through the course and then fit the end of the sticks into a puzzle-like holder at the end.  One person from each team has to run ahead in the middle of the course, let down a draw bridge, and get a key to unlock the gate that lets the team to the finish line.  Cutey Pie is the guy for the Dragons and Snowman is the guy for the Tigers.  Yes, he’s Snowman now, because Frosti is just stupid.  Well it’s the first challenge, and nobody gets stuck or hurt or cries or yells….but the Dragons win.  So they get flint for fire and get to go home unscathed.  I’m not surprised by this because it looks like Cutey Pie could have dragged them through the course by himself and still won the race.  And now we get to see the Tigers rip each other apart.

 

So, back at camp and the Movie Rating (PG) has taken over.  In the last fourteen seasons, we have learned that there is an important part at the very beginning of each season.  The team has to bond….and you can’t get in the way of that…..and you can’t ignore that.  It is a mob mentality and people need to feel like you’re on their side.  Any team who has tried to stumble past this step has always failed.  Any contestant who gets irritated and anxious about no work getting done….inevitably goes home early.  The Movie Rating is that contestant....she's way too stressed.  First she’s crying and Dave (who is really too bland at this point for a good nickname) is being ingratiatingly sickly sweet to her (“go ahead and cry...its ok”).  Then she starts barking orders at everyone.  Now…you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out that this is not a good strategy.  Nobody likes a bad Movie Rating.  She also tries to get the Chicken Man to commit to a way of building the shelter, but he’s done makin’ suggestiongs.  <sigh>  That quasi-southern, totally redneck accent is going to get him into trouble.  I can see it coming.  You need to be charming when you’ve got this country bumpkin stereotype working against you….not patronizing.  Poor Chicken Man.  He doesn’t stand a chance.  Pay Per View is apparently being considered for the chop…which would just be stupid.  She’s clearly going to be an asset later in the game especially after all the other ladies fizzle out.

 

So it’s time for the first Tribal Council.  [Aside: This is the first season that Skywalker has decided to demean herself by watching.  And she says to me….at about this point in the show…. So, this is what everyone meant when they said ‘getting voted off the island’?......sigh….TV is an important part of pop culture people, don’t let anyone ever tell you different.]  Jeffy asks, ‘Who’s the leader?’ and nobody says anything….because everyone knows being the leader is like the kiss of death until Jeffy says ‘Does someone want to volunteer?’  and so immediately Dave and the Movie Rating raise their hands.  Pay Per View is taken aback (I love the way Burnett edits this show).  And the politicians make their little speeches about why they should be chief of the Tigers….and everyone else is making a mental note that these two morons will be next up for the chop.  Why does arrogance and ego blind people so completely?  So then Jeffy asks the Chicken Man if he fits in….come on Jeffy?!!  And of course the Chicken Man says, no but I work hard.  Well good for you Chicken Man….but you still have that accent…..

 

Blah blah blah and everyone walks to the voting camera and writes down a name and shows it to America and waits for Jeffy to read off the loser.  Once the votes are read, the decision is final and the person voted out must leave the Tribal Council area immediately.  I wonder what happens if they don’t….I wonder if they have tribal security guards that can bounce somebody outta there?  I mean, seriously….if its just a bunch of camera guys and Jeffy….what could they do?  And what if that person just ran into the jungle and didn’t leave the island….I guess their psych profiles are supposed to catch those freaks…..and oh yeah, I know they’re not on an island, but its sort of an island even if it is on a lake…..so Pay Per View gets a vote and the Movie Rating gets a vote, but it’s the Chicken Man going home.  Awwwwwwwwwwww….goodbye Chicken Man.  The next time we’ll see you will be the reunion show and everyone will have forgotten you and then we’ll go, ‘Oh yeah…I remember that guy…..wow that was a long time ago.’  They should really have a therapy group for the First Losers Club in Survivor….it's gotta make you feel terrible to get voted out first.  "Pretend inferiority and encourage his arrogance."

 

I love this show.  I always have….well….maybe not the Africa season…..HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....people are more fun than anybody.

 

Later gators,

Heather

 

p.s. Stay tuned for Heroes on Monday.  I’ll also be deciding next week whether the following shows will be worthwhile – Big Shots, Bionic Woman, Cane, Carpoolers, Dirty Sexy Money, Journeyman, Reaper, and Moonlight.  Don’t think I’m actually going to be watching this much TV….I’ll have to weed it down to just a few nominees.