It's time for the finale.  The end is already here.  I'm actually a little surprised this season went by as fast as it did...but I guess that just goes to show how good it was this time around.  We start off with another recap of the last 36 days.  Back at Camp Doobie the women are amazed at their good fortune in turning things around on Scooper.  They are the Weird Sisters and they are stirring the pot.  Double double, toil and trouble.  This is going to be an interesting ending to a very thrilling season.  The next morning, the girls are still all smiles.  But Natalie now knows that she is at the bottom of the totem pole, being the last Fan left with all the other Favorites.  She thinks she has a good relationship with Havarti, and that might help her get to the final three.  We'll see.  These girls haven't once turned on each other yet, so I don't have very high hopes for Natalie.

 

Then the ladies find out they have another immunity challenge today.  No breaks.  No rewards.  Someone else is going to be voted out tonight.  The immunity is kind of cool.  They have to stand on top of these poles out in the water and pull up buckets of water to fill a bamboo shoot that will cause a set of keys to rise as the water rises in the shoot.  Once they have the keys, they swim to shore and unlock a chest full of ladder rung puzzle pieces.  The rungs go in the ladder one way and one way only.  Once they get to the top of the ladder they raise their banner to win.  This will be interesting.  I think Natalie must win this to have a chance to stay.  She actually does get out to a little bit of lead, Blurry Butt and Havarti are close on her heels with Cirie bringing up the rear.  But the puzzle is the thing.  Blurry Butt is the quickest at the puzzle and that made all the difference.  She gets to the top first and wins immunity.  Oh my.  I'd be packing my bags Natalie. 

 

Back at Camp, Natalie thinks she might still have a chance to get into the final three.  Cirie is nervous.  Havarti seems overly confident.  They are editing this to make us think that Natalie has a chance....but I've been watching this show for too long.  I think this is the producers way of getting us involved....I think Blurry Butt and Havarti will stick with their original alliance.  They all like Natalie a lot....but not that much...right?  So it's time for the first tribal council of the night.  Natalie is bragging about the women's skills at blindsiding.  Blurry Butt says she thinks she knows what is going on but you can never be too sure.  Havarti says this is the craziest season ever and no one should ever feel safe.  And then Cirie starts talking about being at the bottom of all the alliances.  What's this?  Why is she talking about this now?  I am very confused.  Blurry Butt seems particularly annoyed that Cirie feels this way and she and Havarti are arguing with Cirie.  I can totally see Cirie's point...I'm just not sure why this was a good time to bring it up.  Is this going to help her with the jury?  Hmmmm, maybe.  Natalie seems pleased that the others are squabbling amongst themselves....oh boy.  Is this the end of Cirie?  Was I totally wrong?  It's time to vote.  Once the votes are read, the decision is final.  The person voted out will have to leave the tribal council area immediately.  Natalie voted for Cirie.  But everyone else voted for Natalie.  HA.  I was right.  I knew I was.  Natalie doesn't seem that surprised or upset....good, she had to know she didn't have much of a chance.

 

Back at Camp and Blurry Butt is still arguing with Cirie about her being on the bottom of the alliances.  Come on Blurry Butt, she is making an excellent point here and you are being totally oblivious.  And then they finally realize that we're in the final three and what are we arguing about?!  HAHAHAHA.  Big hugs all around and everyone is hoping for a final three and not a final two.  I don't know ladies, there's an awful lot of show left for this to be it.  They decide to set their last chicken free who they have affectionately named Gloria.  That's sweet, PETA will love that.  Except Gloria refuses to leave camp and instead nests right there on the beach with them.  HAHAHAHA.  The girls go to find the tree mail hoping for a big feast and instead find instructions that they are to paddle out to Exile to reminisce about all the other losers who went before them....before they head off to their final challenge.  Their final challenge.  How upsetting.  It will be a final two and not a final three.  All the girls are upset and Blurry Butt is crying.  Havarti looks like she's trying to cry but can't quite manage.  Cirie looks devastated.  So they pull themselves together and head off to Exile to look at everybody's torch.  This is always the annoying part of the finale because it feels like total fluff...but it is fun to remember before we get to the reunion show who everyone was that I've already forgotten about. 

 

Time for the last immunity challenge.  The girls have to hold up a cylinder with a metal ball bearing balanced in the middle, keeping it from falling off the cylinder.  Every five minutes, they have to add more blocks on each side making the piece they have to hold up longer and more precarious.  If the ball falls off, they are out.  Last woman standing, wins.  A million dollar challenge.  And here we go.  Everyone gets through the first five minutes without a hitch.  And then the second five minutes goes pretty well also.  In the third round, Havarti loses it.  She's the first one out.  Blurry Butt and Cirie get to the final round.  This will keep going until someone cracks.  I think Cirie knows she has to win this.  And she looks pretty good, until she doesn't.  She drops the ball and Blurry Butt wins.  Oh my. 

 

Back at Camp Doobie and Blurry Butt is already dreading this decision.  Cirie is a mother of three (I think) and can persuade anyone to do anything.  Havarti has made a lot of enemies on the jury.  It sounds to me like Blurry Butt has made her decision to take Havarti...but again, the producers try to make it less clear.  Cirie tries to convince Blurry Butt that the jury hates her, Cirie, more than Havarti.  It was a good gesture, and a good effort...but I don't think it's going to change anything.  Time for Tribal Council.  Jeffy poo immediately starts interrogating Blurry Butt about having all the power.  And she starts to cry.  Oh no.  Not good.  Juries hate crying...they think it's disingenuous.  They resent her already and now she's crying about being in the final two.  Amanda.  This is stupid.  Pull yourself together.  Blurry Butt explains that Cirie is a great talker, while Havarti played a great social game...so both women are a big threat.  Yeah yeah....we all know you're taking Havarti.  Only one vote counts and that's Blurry Butt's.  Once that vote is read, the decision is final.  The person being voted out will have to leave the tribal council area immediately.  The vote...........is for..............Cirie.  I knew it.  I was right.  Thank you thank you.  Havarti and Blurry Butt are in the finals.  Oh my.

 

It's the last day on the island.  Day 39.  If you don't normally watch this show, you may not know that Blurry Butt was on the season immediately preceding this one.  She also made it to the finals in that show too.  So she has been out in the jungle for quite a while.  The girls are all giggles that they made it this far.  And why not.  They both played a great game...although I think Havarti made some seriously bold moves.  Blurry Butt was always loyal to her alliances.  You can never tell how the cookie will crumble with the Jury.  It always comes down to how well or how badly they answer those questions...so we'll see.  The girls burn the shelter after feasting, and while the Hubby grumbles about them burning the whole jungle down, they head off to the last Tribal Council. 

 

Jeffy poo reminds us all how this works.  The Jury is now in charge.  Those eight people will decide your fate.  Time for opening statements.  Blurry Butt thanks everyone for getting her this far....hmmmmm....that wouldn't sit too well with me if I was on the jury....but we'll see.  Havarti says I played a flirty game, a bold game and an aggressive game.  Nice.  Good statement.  So the first Jury member who gets a turn at hanging the girls out to dry is Our Fair Lady of the Buggy Eyes - Miss Doolitte.  Eliza tells the girls they played a very strategic game and they have her respect for that.  But then she tells Havarti that she did a lot of things that weren't necessary like talking about Eliza behind her back.  And then she tells Blurry Butt that she seems very superficial.  Eliza admits she has no idea how she is voting and that their ansewrs tonight will help her make up her mind.  Well thanks for nothing Eliza....that was kind of pointless.  And catty.  <smile>  Love it.

 

Jason is up next and asks Blurry Butt if she had known about the plot to vote off Ozzy, would she have told him.  She doesn't even hesitate and says, yes.  Hmmm....good answer.  Then he asks Havarti what are your redeeming qualities...because we clearly haven't seen too many so far.  Oh my.  Havarti says she was protective of and loyal to her alliance with Blurry Butt and Cirie.  She also says she didn't kill the last chicken and that makes her an animal lover.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Ok. 

 

Alexis is up next and she asks Havarti what would make her a better role model than Blurry Butt.  Havarti says she's very independent while Blurry Buttjust kind of went along with people in the game.  She says she gets what she wants and she's aggressive and she feels that would make her a better role model.  Hmmmm...maybe.  Alexis then points out to Blurry Butt that the crying at the last Tribal Council made her sick.  See!!!  I told you they wouldn't like that.  Blurry Butt tries to explain that she was genuinely upset and that was the only Tribal Council that she cried at.  But, oh Blurry Butt, you have those big doe eyes that just make women want to slap you sometimes....the Hubby feels it necessary to point out here that Blurry Butt is the prettier of the two and that he thinks the guys will vote for her.  Really?  I think they're both pretty.

 

Then Natalie comes up.  She asks Havarti about all the flirting she did, including with Natalie!  Oh my.  And then asks how does that transalate into your real life, in the bedroom.  <long pause>  Huh?  Jeffy poo is confused too.  I have no idea what she is asking....it may not be relevant though because it may just be to point out that Natalie is a little bi-curious or even more than that.  Who knows.  Very titillating stuff though...much more rated PG-13 than most tribal councils.  Havarti blubbers out some answer that made just about as much sense as the stupid question. And then Natalie goes after Blurry Butt.  She said you had this glazed look on your face all the time, she called her a zombie and a ditzy beauty queen.  MEOW.  Well, I guess we know who Natalie is voting for, huh.  She wanted to know if it was an act....but that's not what she really wanted to know.  She asked the question in passing...she really just wanted to have the opportunity to flay Blurry Butt in front of everyone.  Nice going.  We love the cattiness.

 

Scooper is next to give them a piece of his mind and he says up until a few days ago, Blurry Butt had his vote no questions asked.  But now, based on all her accusations at the Tribal Councils, he questions her friendship.  She says he's sorry....oh, I mean, SHE's sorry and he says it's too late for that.  And that's all he wanted to say.  Huh, nothing for Havarti?

 

Well now it's Cutey Pie's turn.  He basically tells Blurry Butt, you've got my vote.  And then he goes after Havarti.  He wants an explanation.  So she starts flirting again and playfully goes - HAHA, I got you, sucka!!  And that really sends him off...he wanted a sincere answer!  So she says, look, I had no chance of winning against you or Ozzy.  I did what I did.  And that's all you can say about that. 

 

Now it's time for Cirie.  She asks Blurry Butt why Havarti deserves a shot at the million more than Cirie did.  Good question.  Blurry Butt tries to say that Havarti played a bolder, more aggressive game...and Cirie keeps cutting her off, adding, than me?  than me?  HAHAHAHA, there's that manipulative Cirie we love.  Get Blury Butt to tell the jury why they should vote for Havarti.  Then she asks Havarti basically the same question, why she deserves to be in the Final Two more than Cirie.  Havarti had a much better response, even though it wasn't really an answer.  She says you were just as devious as I was, although you played more under the radar.  But you would have gotten votes for being a mother of three, and I'm not a mother.  That's at least an answer that makes sense.  I think Blurry Butt might be in trouble.

 

Did you think that was everybody?  That was only seven.  We have one jury member left,  Do you know who it is?  Well of course you do.  My favorite - Ozzy.  Why'd they save him for last?  Well, let me tell you why.  He gets up there and digs in to Havarti.  He trashes her more than everybody else.  He said you put a price tag on our friendship.  You basically said it wasn't worth it for a million dollars.  He says he felt betrayed.  And then when she looks like she's going to say something, he says no.  I don't want to hear you.  <evil grin>  Then it turns a little, and he says, what I regret the most about your betrayal is not getting to spend another 14 days with Amanda.  Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.  <sniff, sniff>  Then he tells Blurry Butt that she is amazing and he wants everyone to know it, he says he's never felt this way about someone before.  And THEN he says, I think I'm falling in love with you.  OH MY!!  I know I said you boys were easy....but seriously....that's all it takes for us.  Tell us you think you're falling in love....and we're done.  I thought that was so sweet.  And it may have won Blurry Butt a million dollars.

 

It's time to vote.  Now you're voting for who you want to win.  Ozzy obviously votes for Amanda, he says you deserve this so much more than Havarti.  And then the Scooper votes for her....probably swayed by Ozzy, his idol.  Alexis votes for Havarti, and then so does Natalie, who is clearly hoping for a date after the show.  And then Miss Buggy Eyes gets up there and takes....FOR.....EVER!!  She keeps chewing on the bark pen and looking around and holding her head.  Oh, stop being so dramatic Eliza and pick someone already.  Jeffy poo gets the votes and heads back to the States....segue way into the Announcement and the Reunion Show.

 

You need five votes to win.  There has never been a tie.  The votes go - Havarti, Blurry Butt, Havarti, Blurry Butt, Havarti, Blurry Butt.  They're tied at three a piece.  Havarti gets the next one.  If Blurry Butt gets the last one, it's a tie and I have no idea what they do.  But she doesn't.  The winner of Survivor - Fans vs. Favorites is Pavarti Shallow.  Yes.  That is her last name.  I had no idea either....and wow, how ironically appropriate.  I am less upset by this than I thought I would be.  I was rooting for Amanda, probably because that would mean I was still vicariously rooting for Ozzy.  But the Cheese played a good game.  She used her strengths to the best of her capabilities.  And if there is any woman out there who doesn't think you should take full advantage of our manipulation tactics to get what you want....you're a total hypocrite.  Congratulations Havarti.  Good game.

 

The Reunion show was kind of cool, but at this point it's quite late and I have a full blown head cold in the works....so I was kind of drifting in and out.  Havarti explained that she wanted to fly under the radar, but Jonathan outed her as a threat and so she had to play much harder much earlier than she expected.  She said making the alliance with Natalie and Alexis was her best move because that gave her allies on both sides.  Jeffy poo asked Blurry Butt how it feels to spend so much time out in the jungle and not win anything.  Nice question, Jeff.  And she blabbers on about it sucks, and now she doesn't trust people, and blah blah blah.  She sounded a lot more ditzy responding to that question, didn't she?  Jeffy talked to every one of the cast members.  Cutey Pie is still making people happy at the graveyard, his dad is now very popular and he won the Fan Favorite prize of $100,000.  It was kind of sweet how surprised he looked when that happened.  Jeffy poo spent a long time on the Scooper blunder and he was a really good sport about the whole thing.  Johnny Fairplay is engaged to a model and has a baby, who was in the audience and if I am being totally honest, wasn't nearly as cute as people were going on about.  Probably the most important thing we learned though - Ozzy and Amanda are still together.  Awwwwwwwwww...a match made in the jungle.  Who knows?  They could be the next Amber and Rob?  Heehee.

 

This has been a great season of Survivor.  I'm sad that it's over.  Next season they are back in Africa, Gabon to be exact.  I am already going through reality TV withdrawal and so I hope the time flies until then.  Just remember all the life lessons you've learned from this show kids - outwit, outplay and outlast.  Stab your friends in the back, lying gets you what you want, and a million dollars can make everything feel better.  That will get you far in this world...and who knows, you may just fall in love on the way.

 

Later gators,

Heather

 

So we're back at Camp Doobie after Blurry Butt's fantastic reversal of fortune.  She is still trying to convince people that she wasn't lying to them about not having the hidden immunity idol.  Who cares what they think Blurry Butt!!!  You just orchestrated a terrific blindside.  Be proud of yourself and revel in their misery.  That's my advice.  The next day Scooper is chatting with Natalie about Blurry Butt's conduct at Tribal Council.  He's all pissy because she called him out in front of the jury.  Awwwww....I don't think he has any idea how devious women can be....that's not a particularly helpful character trait in this game Scooper.  Endearing, but it won't win you a million.  So he tells Natalie that he thinks Blurry Butt should go next.  Of course she should, she is clearly going to be a jury favorite.  Scooper says that he wants to go to Exile to find the next hidden immunity idol and agrees to send Natalie if he wins the challenge.  And just because she likes messing with his head so much, Blurry Butt apologizes to Scooper about the Tribal and just because he's a total wimp he accepts her apology and they agree to take each other on the reward if they win.  <shaking my head>  This guy is unbelievable.  He also agrees to send Havarti to Exile because Blurry Butt tells him that would be a good idea.  Come on dude.  You've got to have more sense than this!?!

 

Time for the reward challenge and it's a trivia game based on all the past seasons of Survivor.  Scooper has to be a favorite to win this game....he's such a freaky obsessed fan....right?  So the first to get four answers right gets to go on a heliocopter ride to some sort of jungle spa for a massage and food.  Sounds nice.  I'll skip through the details, and just say that I was right, Scooper won.  Cirie was right on his heals though with three answers right.  And Scooper tells everyone that because he promised to, he's taking Blurry Butt on the reward.  Natalie looks shocked.  And then he sends Havarti to Exile and now Natalie is pissed.  Oh boy. 

 

So back at Camp Doobie and Cirie is having a blast listening to Natalie wail about how Scooper turned on her.  We had a deal!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA....that's priceless.  Natalie goes - If it smells like a rat and looks like rat....Cirie responds, then feed it cheese.  <chuckle>  Cirie is quickly becoming Queen of the One-Liners.  On the heliocopter ride, Scooper admits that he was glad he took Blurry Butt.  I think he has a crush on her....that's so sweet.  Blurry Butt just kind of laughs at him the whole night, but it looked like a nice relaxing reward.  So Havarti is out at Exile soaking in some rays.  She doesn't even bother looking for the idol.  Ok....but you should never get too confident in this game Havarti, you know that better than everyone else.  So when Scooper and Blurry Butt get back from their spa getaway, Cirie is joking with them but Natalie doesn't even look at Scooper.  Nice.  Time to experience some of that hell fury we women can dish out so easily Scooper. 

 

So this is Scooper's amazing plan.  He decides to tell all the girls left on the island something different.  He tells Cirie that he and Havarti should be in the final three with her.  He tells Natalie that they should vote out Amanda.  He tells Amanda he's confused why everyone is angry with him and she's like....dude, didn't you know that we would all end up talking and find out that you had been saying all this?  Come on Scooper.  Girls talk.  We're pros at talking.  We talk about everything that matters and everything that doesn't.  And we especially talk about boys and how nutty they are....and you, my man, are completely nuts.  So the girls think Scooper needs to go.  One of them has to win the immunity challenge.  Without question.

 

So it's time for the Immunity Challenge.  It's like a treasure hunt.  They use coded coordinates to find out where to dig and then they find puzzle pieces which give them their next coordinates and so on and so forth until someone wins.  So Scooper pulls out to an early lead, mainly because he is strong enough to pull his puzzle pieces out of the sand without having to completely unearth them.  Cirie and Blurry Butt stay close, but Natalie and Havarti are pretty much out of it.  And then Scooper gets a huge lead.  It's over.  He's got immunity.  Guaranteed final four and the girls are devastated. 

 

Back at Camp Doobie and the girls are annoyed that Scooper won and that he was trying to work them all over.  Cirie says to Natalie, you know, I bet you could talk him into giving you the immunity necklace.  And immediately Havarti and Blurry Butt are likes YEAH!! YOU COULD DO THAT!!  Natalie seems less convinced though and says, I feel dumb just listening to this plan, but I'll give it a shot.  She talks to Scooper and explains that Cirie is willing to vote off Blurry Butt but she needs a good faith gesture from Scooper, she needs him to give Natalie the necklace before Cirie believes that Scooper is with them.  <chuckle> He's like I don't know about that.  YOU DON"T KNOW??!?  The Hubby is rolling around on the sofa he's so upset with this kid.  I would laugh in your face if you asked me for the immunity, he says.  And I know he's right.  Any guy, who has any experience at all with women, would see right through this bald-faced lie.  But not our Scooper....he seems like he kind of thinks it might work....and then he says to Natalie, well what about voting Havarti off instead.  Natalie goes back to Cirie and Cirie says, yes, tell him anything.  We've got him on the line, we just need to reel him in.  And I think she might be right....I think she might be right.  This will be the most amazing feat in Survivor history if the girls can pull this off.  Cirie has another great idea and tells Blurry Butt and Havarti to really give it to Scooper at Tribal, while she and Natalie stay quiet.  She says if Scooper thinks he's got his back up against the wall with the jury, it might help him make up his mind.  <evil wringing of my hands>  This is an excellently devious plan.  If it works.

 

Time for Tribal Council.  Scooper talks about redeeming himself when he decided to take Blurry Butt on the reward.  Havarti talks about her nice litle vacation on Exile and how she was glad she wasn't around to hear Scooper talking about everyone to everyone else.  She just opened the door.  She talks about all his plotting in front of the jury and Scooper pathetically tries to defend himself.  Blurry Butt and Havarti gang up on him and tell him he's not very loyal to anyone.  Scooper talks about redeeming himself in front of the jury and Cirie helps him along.  She says words mean nothing, you have to prove yourself with actions.  Oh.  That was quite brilliant.  Jeffy poo asks Scooper about the immunity necklace, he says it's yours unless you want to give it to someone else.  And then he hesitates.  Liza's eyes are practically bugging out of her head.  Ozzy and Cutey Pie have dumbfounded looks on their faces.  And here it comes, Scooper says I have to prove myself, I have to do something to redeem myself.  I want to give the necklace to Natalie.  The girls are cool while they try to hold in the hysterical laughs and smiles.  Everyone on the jury practically falls off the bench.  Even Jeffy poo is shaking his head.  It's time to vote.  Once the votes are read, the decision is final.  The person voted out will have to leave the tribal council area immediately.  Scooper voted for Havarti.  The girls voted for Scooper.  And everyone is getting so much pleasure out of this brilliant play.  The Hubby is screaming at the TV - You had it in the bag!!  They can't beat you at challenges!!  What were you thinking!!??  Jeffy poo, after extinguishing Scooper's torch and sending him on his way, says That....was what you call a life lesson.  No doubt.  Havarti called him the dumbest survivor ever.  Cirie said, my momma always said you might not beat them with these (pointing to her muscles) but you can always beat with them with these (pointing to her brains).  Nice.  Biggest manipulation in the history of this show.  Cutey Pie stands up and says I lost my reign as dumbest survivor ever.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Poor Scooper.  He'll never trust women again.

 

So that's the final four - Cirie, Blurry Butt, Havarti and Natalie.  All devious scheming women.  I think we're about to see some claws bared.  The finale is on this Sunday, don't forget!!

 

Later gators,

Heather

 

 

We're back at Camp Doobie.  Yes, Survivor is still on....yes I should have written about this last week when the show actually aired.  Yes, yes, yes.  So now Cutey Pie has an infected finger.  You must be joking.  Infections out here in the jungle appear to be no laughing matter.  In fact, infections here in Micronesia seem to be getting rid of more Survivors than Cirie at this point.  <shaking my head>  This does not bode well for Cutey.  The next morning, because she was annoyed that no one was paying attention to her now that Ozzy is gone, Alexis is limping around because she fell flat on her face while trying to leap and dance through the jungle during the middle of the night.  Ok...I'm making up part of that, but her leg really was hurt. 

 

No time for tears, we're off to the Reward Challenge.  Each of the Survivors has this little statue of themselves sitting out on the target shelf.  Nice.  I want a statue.  I may make myself a statue, just to be weird.  Glasses.  A big fat head.  And a mini TV welded to my side.  <smile>  Ok, so anyway.  This is the poll challenge.  You have to answer a whole list of questions about everyone and then after Jeffy poo tallies the answers, you have to answer the way you think everyone else answered.  And just to make it more interesting they bring in the family members.  <sigh>  Always an emotional time.  Everyone blubbering all over each other.  Cutey Pie is the spitting image of his dad.  Cirie and hubby are cute together.  So if they win, they get to hang out with family all day in Jellyfish Pond.  Non-stinging jellyfish, but the Hubby immediately looked at me and was like there is no way I would do that.  Well, good.  There is no way I would ever be on this show, so I guess we're even.  When the Survivors get the challenge right, they get to chop a rope on somebody else's statue and if they chop three ropes on the same statue, it gets destroyed and that person is out of the game.  So the Survivors answer all their questions, and now the game is on.  Havarti is out first, then Scooper, then Cutey Pie, then Cirie and then Natalie.  It's up to Cirie to decide who wins - Alexis or Amanda and she gives it to Alexis.  Huh?  Really?  Cause you know Amanda is in your alliance, Cirie....this doesn't look good for her.  So Alexis gets to pick two more Survivors to go with her to the Jelly Pond and she picks Natalie and Cirie.  Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....I hope somebody is paying attention to this stuff.  Now somebody has to go to Exile, where there is yet another hidden idol.  How many is that now, three?  And one fake one <snicker>?  Blurry Butt pretty much volunteers to go....I think her instincts are good, I think she knows she's in trouble.

 

So after the challenge the Aussie doctor has to look at Cutey Pie's finger.  It's swollen, it's infected.  She tells him it could affect the joints or even his whole hand and so she's pulling him out of the game.  He seems resolved to it, knowing he'll need his hands for work after this game show is over....and at least he doesn't cry about it like Jonathan did.  He says goodbye and Havarti acts really sad.  Oh please.  You evil little woman.  You were trying to get rid of him before, and now he's gone.  You should be happy you don't have to vote him out....that may possibly help you in the end.  So I am very sad.  The sexiest Survivor ever is off the show because he hurt his....finger.  Seriously.  That is just so pathetically ironic.

 

Out in the Jelly Pond, Cirie tells the camera maybe she doesn't have to be afraid of everything anymore.  You're wrong Cirie.  You do.  Nature is gross and creepy and crawly.  Trees are ok.  And the sky.  And maybe grass.  But everything else is yucky and I don't recommend being near it for long periods of time.  So they go back to Camp Doobie and everyone learns about Cutey Pie.  Scooper is the only guy left.  Oh boy.  Alexis' leg still hurts and so Havarti asks her is she wants to be voted out.  Looking for the easy way aren't we Havarti?  Well, she needs some people who are the very least not her mortal enemies on the jury if she has a chance of winning (which I don't think she has, by the way).  But Alexis is like, no, I'm good.  Thanks for being so concerned.  Yeah, right.  Out on Exile, Amanda has to wade through the sea, dig like forty feet of trenches, but she does it.  She finds the Idol, or rather the clue for the Idol which is back at camp.  I hope somebody has a chance to use this thing....maybe all it takes is for a girl to have it.

 

Time for the Immunity Challenge.  This should be good.  Blurry Butt learns about Cutey Pie when she gets to the Challenge with everybody else, and she is clearly upset by it.  Why not, he was one of her few allies left on the beach,  Today the six Survivors have to shoot a gun at their colored bottles.  Whoever shoots all three of their bottles first, wins.  This is like a carnival game...and I am so bad at those.  That whole hand-eye coordination defect I was born with....so the girls think anyone can win except for Scooper so they can stick with their plan of voting off all the men and starving to death since they have no one to work for them anymore.  <smile>  Meow, I am so catty.  Anyway, just like the best laid plans, their's totally sucks and Scooper wins Immunity.  So now the scramble is on...who will the girls cannibalize first?

 

As soon as they get back to Doobie, Blurry Butt empties her bags to prove to everyone that she doesn't have the Idol.  Smart.  Very smart.  You don't need anyone knowing that stuff.  Then she tells Havarti that she has the Idol and <shaking my head>  Our Lovable Little Cheesehead is like how'd you hide it so quickly?  You dumbass.  Anyway, after Blurry Butt explains it real slow and Havarti finally gets it, she says I need your help getting it out of the sand.  Back in the cave, the other girls are talking about who to vote out and Havarti suggests Alexis because she's hurt and Natalie says no, I think Blurry Butt should go.  HA!  I knew it.  That is a good choice, considering Blurry Butt has practically no enemies.  But surprisingly, Havarti says she can't vote against her friend.  Wow....loyalty from this girl?  Very strange.  So Blurry Butt is trying to get Scooper to vote with her and trying to get Cirie to vote with her.  Scooper tells her first, pretty much flat out, I'm voting for you not with you.  Cirie says she has to go with the girls...which isn't really true, Cirie just wants to get rid of Blurry Butt too.  Oh man....I really hope she finds that Idol....that would be so fantastic.

 

It's time for Tribal Council.  The Jury walks in and here is Cutey Pie with an IV on his arm....ohhhhhhhhhhhhh...but he still looks great, doesn't he?  So Jeffy poo gets on the topic of Blurry Butt and why she's getting voted off and Blurry Butt brilliantly explains to the Jury that Scooper is not backing her up even though she kept him in the game earlier.  Nice.  Give them as much fodder as you can...you have to get in their heads early you know.  It's not just the finale that sways them. It's everything they see and hear up till the finale too.  So everyone else is pretty much like, look, we have to vote for you, you're too strong.  And Blurry Butt is looking really sad....a little too sad, in fact.  This is an act.  I'm sure of it.  Oh pleasepleasepleaseplease have the Idol!!!  Please!!!!!!!!!!!  It's time to vote.  Once the votes are read, the decision is final.  The person being voted out will have to leave the tribal council area immediately.  Jeffy poo asks if anyone has the Idol....<long pause>.....come ooooooooooooooooooooooooon!!  And then she does it.  Blurry Butt leans over behind her and goes, about that Jeff....hands him the Idol and my heart is racing I am so excited right now!!!  YES!!!  Alexis and Natalie look bewildered.  You're playing with the Favorites, ladies....don't ever forget that!  Blurry Butt was an awesome contestant...she still is....obviously.  So, none of the votes against her will count.  This is gonna be brilliant.  Four votes for Amanda, which would have been enough to send her home, none of which count.  The last two votes are for Alexis....Natalie may have been a better choice....but Blurry Butt still has a grudge against Alexis for stealing her man.  Nice.  Alexis is dumbfounded.  The hidden immunity idol has finally been successfully played.  Awesome.  Awesome.  Awesome. 

 

Five Survivors left, we're getting pretty close to the finale!!  My money is on Blurry Butt...she's just too good for this show....

 

Later gators,

Heather

So we’re back at Survivor.  This show has kind of been put on the back burner for me because of the hockey chaos in Washington right now.  Yes.  Yes the Capitals won last night.  Yes, the series is now 3 and 3 coming back to DC for Game 7.  Yes, I TOLD you they were good.  You should have believed me!!  So anyway, we’re back at the Doobie tribe and everyone is asking Jason why he was so stupid to give Eliza the hidden immunity idol.  And not only that, he gave her the FAKE one!!  AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Still makes me laugh, that was the best episode ever.  After everyone gets done chuckling about how silly the whole thing was, Cirie tells us she kind of wishes that it was the real idol and then Ozzy would be going home.  AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!  Don’t say that!!  But really, everyone should be worried about him now, especially since he admitted to having the Idol.  Has a hidden immunity idol ever been successfully played?  I don’t know….

So Jason is holding on to the delusion that he will continue to beat Ozzy in the immunity challenges…come on Jason, you’re not that good.  And we’re all of the sudden going to the Reward Challenge.  Wow…that was really quick.  So we’re gonna have two teams of four and yes, that means one person will be left out.  After picking teams, whoever is left has to go to Exile Island.  Whichever team wins gets to go to some Micronesian village out in the middle of the jungle for a feast.  It’s a memory game – the survivors have to swim out into the ocean and look at a pattern of tiles on a board and then swim back to the beach and recreate the tile pattern on their own board.  Of course they have extra pieces that are useless, and of course if they guess wrong, one of their teammates has to swim back out again before they can change anything.  So Oz, Jason, Scooper and Blurry Butt are on one team; Havarti, Cutey Pie, Natalie and Alexis are on the other team.  And poor Cirie is off to Exile (this will get her mind working, I bet).  The teams seem pretty much neck and neck.  Cutey Pie’s team guesses first but they were wrong, so now Ozzy’s team has a chance.  They guess…and they’re right!

So the winners head off to the secret jungle village out in the middle of nowhere.  There is a massive feast, topless women who shock the Scooper, dancing kids, tobacco-like betel nuts and local beer.  The Scooper pukes his guts out at the end of the day because he has too much nuts and beer.  Dummy.  But he seemed to be the one who enjoyed the reward the most.  Poor Cirie is out on Exile and it is raining….pouring buckets and thunder and lightening and yes, she is now plotting the demise of Ozzy.

So back Doobie, Cutey Pie has gotten up early and is banging around in camp.  I mean, making all kinds of noise while the girls are trying to sleep.  This is unbelievable….are all men like this?  The Hubby is completely incapable of being quiet in the morning, and it would appear that Cutey Pie is too.  Havarti wakes up and gives him the “stop being obnoxious” command.  He did not appreciate that at all….hmmmm….I guess they’re not quite so lovey dovey anymore, huh.  So the Winners get back from the reward feast and for whatever reason, Ozzy thinks it would be a good idea to tell everyone ALL about ALL the food they had to eat…………um…………..listen………………maybe you should have watched a few of your own shows before coming on to this season Ozzy.  <shaking my head>  You never ever talk about the food you just had, unless you brought some back with you.  The girls are all complaining about Ozzy….and now Blurry Butt is starting to get worried about her own alliance which seems to be losing power in the tribe. 

Time for Immunity.  Cirie comes back from Exile.  This challenge is to outlast.  You  have to stand on a tree stump with one hand over your head.  That hand is tethered to a big bucket above you full of water.  If you move your hand, the bucket tips over, you’re all wet and you’re a loser.  So about thirty minutes into it, Jeffy poo brings out a big plate of candy and Cirie and Scooper decide to share it, taking themselves out of the game.  After another forty-five minutes, Jeffy poo comes back out but before he can say anything, Alexis tips over her bucket.  She tries to say she was accepting whatever he had brought, but he says no deal – you just got excited.  Nothing for you.  She gets all pouty and he says, you can be as pouty as you want.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Then Natalie does the same thing, and Jeffy still hasn’t told anyone what he has.  Nothing for you either Natalie.  Cutey Pie makes a comment about how much that would suck, losing your concentration like that, and then he does the exact same thing.  <shaking my head>  Wow.  Dropping like flies.

Two hours go by and now Jeffy poo tries to bribe them with chocolate covered donuts and Ozzy immediately says TAKEN and steps out of the game.  Havarti, Jason and Blurry Butt are left.  At the five hour mark, Blurry Butt takes herself out because she has to pee.  The Hubby said she should have just peed on herself, but I’m kinda glad she didn’t.  Now six hours have gone by and Jeffy brings out a huge plate of clandy, donuts, milk, beer, and pizza.  He says whoever steps off gets to share the plate with everyone else.  So now the losers have some interest.  Jason says he won’t do it until he gets the entire team to guarantee that they won’t vote for him.  He is so stupid.  People lie on this show Jason, that’s what they do….sheesh….I thought you were a fan!!  So of course everyone eventually says yes, and some have their fingers crossed which is so fifth grade and why bother, just be an adult about it and lie to his face.  So Jason the Gullible takes himself out of the game, Havarti wins immunity and everyone gets to gorge themselves on evil carbohydrates.

Jason immediately starts to regret his decision but hopes everyone will stick to their word.  Except everyone thinks he’s being really stupid for trusting them and Ozzy makes the decision to give him the axe tonight.  Cirie thinks this is the perfect opportunity to blindside Ozzy….and of course she is right…..and he has already dodged a few bullets….but I really don’t want him to go!!!  She talks to Havarti, Natalie and Alexis and they agree not to tell Blurry Butt, Scooper or Cutey Pie.  Cutey Pie tells Ozzy he has concerns about Havarti because she’s all into “girl power”.  And Ozzy is concerned too, he says he’ll take the idol and play it by ear!  Come ON Ozzy!!!!  You’re in so much trouble!!!

At Tribal Council, buggy-eyed Eliza comes back as the first member of the jury.  Cirie tells Jeffy poo that she didn’t bother looking for the idol on Exile because everyone knows that Ozzy has it, Havarti agrees that is what everyone thinks.  Ozzy admits that he has a huge target on him but he still feels a little confident.  Jason tries to explain why he decided to trust all his enemies in the game.  Cutey Pie says sometimes people will say they’re you’re friend, when really all they wanted was a donut.  Very profound.  So let’s get to it.  I am pretty worried at this point that Ozzy is going home….he doesn’t seem nearly as concerned as he should be…once the votes are read, the decision is final.  The person voted out will have to leave the tribal council area immediately.  Jeffy poo asks if anyone wants to play the hidden immunity idol.  Come on Ozzy.  Paleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!!!  But he doesn’t, and I think that might be it for him.  So in true dramatic fashion, the first four votes are for Jason and then one for Ozzy and he seems surprised but not worried.  And then another for Ozzy and now people are starting to look around.  And then another, and another and now he looks pissed.  Eliza’s eyes might pop out of her head.  Cirie is smirking…and I think she may have just managed to dump this game right on its head.  The person voted out, and the second member of the jury is………………..Ozzy.  Eliza practically falls off the jury bench.  Ozzy mutters, thanks guys.  Blurry Butt looks devastated.  And that another hidden immunity idol that did not get played.  In the last bit, we see that Ozzy only had four votes (him, Cutey Pie, Blurry Butt and Scooper), while everyone else including Havarti voted against him.  He tells the camera that he is really dumb, that he made a huge mistake, and to whoever betrayed him, screw you.  A man of few words.  And now….the best survivor that never won.  I gotta say, the smart money has to be on Cirie.  She has pulled so many strings to get what she wants done in this game…she is the puppet master. 

Later gators,

Heather

p.s. – Game 7 tonight at 7 pm.

Back in Survivor world people and the Oz Man is explaining that he never would have voted poor Ami off if she had only been honest with him…yeah, we get it Ozzie.  Don’t cross you…or it’s off with your head.  The Scooper is super excited that he’s still around…he of course makes this into a much bigger deal than I think it is, but whatever.  Now he wants a merge, yeah…I bet you do.  Over at the Airheads beach, Jason is telling Our Fair Lady that he has the hidden immunity idol (or stick).  She is of course thrilled and thinks she is the luckiest person on the planet to have an alliance with Jason…little does she know of course that Jason has fallen blunder to Ozzie's excellent ruse.  I love it.  Iloveitiloveitiloveitiloveitiloveit.  This is very exciting for me too.  If someone plays that stick…and Jeffy throws it on the fire…I’ll be dancing around my living room.  That would be exxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxcellent.  Seriously. 

So on Day 22, the tribes are merging.  The tree mail says to pack up all their crap and go to this other new location where they’ll meet up with everyone else.  Of course Malarkey is annoyed they have to leave Camp Paradise and the Airheads are thrilled to finally get away from the fifth circle of Hell.  The Scooper is swearing his undying loyalty to the Oz Man…I think he would do or say anything at this point to convince Ozzie that he’s going to be true blue.  Havarti is admitting to us that she’s gotten herself into a pickle with all her alliances…oh boy….these people, some of whom you are inevitably going to betray, will be on the jury Havarti.  Should’ve thought that one through a bit more.  So everyone makes it to the new beach and of course Jason and Fair Lady are extremely disappointed to see that Ami was voted off…that kind of messes up everything.  So the new merged team has to pick one of the old beaches to live at and of course everyone votes for Malarkey, and then they have to pick a new name.  This is normally a very boring part of the merge ceremony…but this season the Scooper came through for me.  He suggested to everyone that they name the team Dabu because that means “good” in Micronesian.  Except of course for the fact that he doesn’t know any Micronesian and he’s making the whole thing up.  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHA.  Ok, the Scooper just got an iota of respect from me. 

And look at this, you know that girl Alexis…who I wasn’t sure was even on this show before…yeah that one, or maybe I’m thinking of Natalie.  Whatever, Alexis is the one I’m talking about now and she is flirting BIG TIME with the Oz Man, who is either completely oblivious, completely drunk,  or is just loving it…because he invites Alexis into their alliance without consulting with anyone….and the two of them are getting the super-evil eye from Blurry Butt.  Wow did this show just turn into a soap opera.  <giggle>  Love it.  Very exciting. 

The next day they’re back at Malarkey and Jason is asking Ozzie to teach him how to spear fish…kiss up.  Ozzie seems to be remarkably comfortable with his role as the guy everyone wants to impress.  Huh.  I guess that would get to anyone’s head after a while.  And here’s Our Fair Lady talking to Havarti about Ami and then she says, get this, well we’re still good right?  <pause>  What the hell is she talking about?  Was the Doolittle ever in an alliance with the Beautiful People?  Yeah….I didn’t think so.  But that’s pretty ballsy of her, right?  Or maybe she’s just a total social moron.  And Havarti is like well everything has changed…which basically means, no you’re not in our alliance.  And then Havarti goes and talks to Blurry Butt and tells her about Our Fair Lady and what an idiot she is, and then she tells her about the new alliance she has basically agreed to on behalf of her and Blurry Butt….and she keeps saying things like “we’re” in a pickle now.  Like Blurry Butt had absolutely anything to do with that decision….and of course Blurry is super annoyed at Havarti but she tries to play it down….even though it was pretty obvious to me she was pissed, Havarti is a little pre-occupied with her plans to get rid of the Fair Lady. 

Now it’s time for the immunity challenge and Jason tells Fair Lady that if he wins the challenge, he’ll give her the stick, I mean idol.  <chuckle>  Oh…this keeps getting better and better.  So Jeffy poo shows them all the new immunity necklace and explains the challenge.  It’s basically all about drowning yourself.  The tribe is supposed to hang out in the water under this cage/grate thing while the tide rolls in, and whoever is the last person to surface or die, wins.  That’s awesome.  So they all make it through a pretty like time, like 40 minutes for the tide to come in.  And then they start dropping like flies as the water covers their ears, and faces.  Then suddenly it’s down to Cutey Pie, the Oz Man and Jason.  They’re making little airways with their hands since pretty much their entire face and nose is under water now.  Cutey Pie is the first to drop out….and then it gets really tense.  Ozzie goes completely under, comes back up, tries to get air, doesn’t seem to be able to, and has to come up.  His face is all puffy….like he was about to die.  And looky looky, Jason is the winner.  Oh, this can’t be that perfect, can it? 

So back at camp Doobie and Jason is feeling like the king of the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I would too if I beat Ozzie in a challenge, right?  So Havarti is telling everyone to vote off Fair Lady and old buggy eyes runs off to get the stick, I mean idol from Jason.  And then Blurry Butt tells Cirie she wants to vote off Alexis.  Hmmmm…wonder why she’s so threatened?  I didn’t know Alexis is a motivational speaker…that’s a pretty good reason to get rid of her, and of course the fact that she’s schmoozing with the Oz Man.  So Jason gets the idol and Fair Lady takes a look and she’s like…this isn’t it…it’s just a <bleepin> stick!!  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Of course, I’m slightly disappointed that it appears as though the stick will not be played, but then Fair Lady goes to ask Jason what the hell he thinks he’s doing…and Jason is just convinced….just certain that that is the idol.  And Fair Lady is like, no you moron.  It’s a stick.  <chuckle>  And then she goes, like music to my ears, should I just play it anyway?  And Jason is like, why not.  Ohhhhhhh goooooodie!!

So it’s time for tribal council.  Jeffy poo immediately asks Alexis how she’s sizing everyone up, and the motivation speaker said people have three different types of strengths – social, mental and physical.  I think she’s been thinking about this for a looooooooooong time.  I think she may already have her finale speeches mesmerized.  You gotta get rid of this girl…right?  Cirie calls Alexis a triple threat.  And then Jeffy poo asks Alexis to size up Eliza and she says “she playED a poor social game.”  That’s right….played….in the past tense.  And Jeffy poo picks up on that immediately, and when Alexis seems confused, Eliza explains you’re making it sound like I’m already gone.  Oh….whoops.  So the Oz Man and Cutey Pie come to Eliza’s defense and say you always want a player that everyone hates with you at the end so you have a good shot at winning….of course implying that they’re going to keep Eliza around to be that player that everyone hates.  And she picks right up on this line of thinking…of course in desperation to save her own skin.  So it’s time to vote, once the votes are read the decision is final.  The person voted out will have to leave the tribal council area immediately.  I can honestly say I have absolutely no idea who is going…and it could be any one of three people right now.  But then Jeffy comes back with the votes and he asks if anyone wants to play the hidden immunity idol and I’m practically squirming in my seat right now….and then it happens.  TV gold, people.  Eliza, my new favorite player, hands Jeffy the stick….I mean idol <snicker snicker>.  And then Jeffy, because he understands drama…gives this long explanation for the hidden idol and that no votes would count, etc etc.  And Havarti is about to have an anxiety attack…when Jeffy finally says – “But this isn’t an idol.”  And he tosses it on the fire.  Eliza says, oh well but you know it’s Ozzie that has the real one.  And Ozzie basically admits to it, and then says don’t burn that!  That took a long time to carve.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  But why did he admit to it?  I guess the cat was pretty much out of the bag at that point.  And Eliza Doolittle, Our Fair Lady is the first member of the jury. 

 

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…that was probably one of the better episodes I have ever seen of this show.  Just brilliant. 

Later gators,

Heather

It’s Survivor time people.  Finally….it feels like forever since this show has been on.  CSI is new again tonight for the first time in months, back from the strike.  And, of course, the Capitals are playing a must-win game against the Lightning.  But this is all about Survivor, let’s stay focused.  The Scooper is counting his lucky stars for still being on the island after Boob the Builder got the boot during the last show.  Scooper is actually starting to annoy me with all his frantic and panicky whining.  Yes, you’re the last fan on Malarkey.  Yes, you will probably be going him.  Just get over it already.  The Oz Man is finally starting to wake up and smell the coffee after hearing Boob’s comments about him being the leader.  You have a HUGE target on your head, Ozzie.  It’s time you started to realized that.  I don’t think he has any idea how close he came to getting the boot.  Ami and Cerie go crab hunting in the morning and it’s all a little vicious as Ami goes after some particularly mammoth sized crabs.  But they’re eating well, at least. 

 

Ozzie is still complaining about being called the leader to Ami after the crabfest, and she assures him over and over and over again that he shouldn’t worry about it.  We’re all with you!!  You’re safe!!  No one is gunning for you!!  Awwww, Ami.  I wish he believed you, but he really doesn’t.  Over at the Airheads camp, everybody is hungry and sick of eating coconuts.  So Jason kills a rat.  Yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.  Cutey Pie wishes he was on the other beach, and Havarti totally agrees.  Then she decides to try to get one of the fans into an alliance with them so they can be sure they make it to the merge.  So off she goes and talks to Natalie.  Who the hell is Natalie?  Has she been here the whole time?  Ok.  So Havarti is pitching an all-girl final with her, Natalie, some person named Alexis and Amanda.  She says once we merge, we will need to get rid of James and Ozzie immediately.  So I guess she and Cutey Pie aren’t as close as everyone may think. 

 

So it’s time for the Challenge.  The Challenge.  Only one tonight and it’s kind of a combination reward/immunity.  Each tribe has to pick someone from the other team to go to Exile Island.  Whoever they pick will have automatic individual immunity at tonight’s tribal council only.  The other team members have to run this obstacle course thing to get five flags for their team while the opposing people are throwing bags at them.  Whoever wins gets pizza and beer and no tribal council.  So Malarkey picks Alexis and the Airheads pick Ozzie to go to Exile.  And the game is on.  Scooper is trying his damnedest to get through this course faster than Jason.  No one throwing a bag has any luck at ALL knocking people off the course.  It was basically a foot race.  The girls running the course are really bad at….but Fair Lady manages to get one flag.  And then Amanda finally gets one too.  But the real race is between Scooper and Jason.  They’re down to the wire, until Scooper makes a leap at one the platforms, misses, and goes full force into his chest on this wood plank.  Oh good grief, that looked like it really really hurt.  Like broken ribs hurt.  OUCH!!  So in the end the Airheads win.  Again.  The tiny Malarkey tribe is about to get one smaller, but at least it won’t be Ozzie. 

 

So Jason is relieved that he did so well, apparently he felt like he was likely to go home if he didn’t.  Havarti thinks both he and Fair Lady were vulnerable and so they helped each other out by doing so well in the challenges.  Here comes the pizza and beer and garlic bread.  The Airheads are practically crying they’re so happy.  I have a feeling all those carbs are going play nasty tricks on their stomachs though.  Oh well, enjoy it while you can.  Live in the moment.  There may be no tomorrow.  Here’s a funny thing though.  No bottle opener for the bottled beer.  That’s genius…..give these poor starving people beer they can’t even drink.  Don’t worry, luckily they have Cutey Pie with them who just bites the caps off with his teeth, Jason tried but couldn’t do it.  Then of course the Hubby felt it necessary to show me how to do it properly without breaking your teeth.  Great, I’m sure that will come in handy someday.

 

On Exile, Ozzie is pretending like he never found the idol so he can check around with Natalie to see if someone else picked up the fake idol.  And whaddya know?  He’s just giddy, very pleased with himself for tricking someone, and we did hear Jason make a comment during the show that clearly indicates he still thinks that idol is genuine.  Brilliant.  Back at Malarkey, and the Scooper has to try something to keep himself around so he decides to tell all to Blurry Butt and Cirie.  Specifically he is telling them about how Ami has been plotting with the fans since the first day the fans came over to this camp.  Blurry Butt and Cirie do look surprised, particularly Cirie who doesn’t seem to like Ami at all.  I don’t think he really convinced them though…and then Ami wanders onto the beach and Scooper is like I told them everything.  Oh crap.  Think fast Ami, so she is like, well he’ll say anything at this point.  And then the girls have a nice big group hug and bonding experience.  And THEN, Ami decides to “thank” Scooper for bringing them all closer together.  Just like a woman…..very passive.  Scooper realizes he needs the Oz Man to hear his case before his fate can be sealed, so he waits for him to return from Exile. 

 

So as soon as Ozzie steps off the boat, Scooper is in his face telling him everything and vowing to be loyal.  And then he says the magic words – “She was scheming to have you voted out.”  You can almost see the gleam in Ozzie’s eyes.  He tells Anonymous Camera Guy that once someone comes gunning for him, that’s it.  They’re gone.  He tells Blurry Butt that Ami needs to go, and I know Cirie will agree with him, but Blurry doesn’t seem to be buying it.  Tonight we are going to find out who the real leader of this team is, I think.

 

Now at tribal council and Jeffy poo is like, Cirie, why are guys such losers?  And she has no idea.  And then he goes to Scooper, must feel like you’re outnumbered here.  And he’s like, yeah pretty much.  Ozzie then explains that it has basically been Fans versus Favorites, but at some point people who think they are low on the pecking order of an alliance will side with the Fans to gain some ground.  And Ami totally loses it, starts crying and whining about how she knows he’s talking about her and she finally felt like she belonged to the tribe and now he’s saying he doesn’t trust her.  It’s kind of pathetic, I don’t think Ozzie is buying it for a second, but he may just want to vent out his frustrations at this point, she may still be safe.  Cirie tells Jeffy poo that she’s going with her gut.  Blurry Butt and Oz Man both say that they really want to believe Ami, butttttttttttttttttttttttttttt….hmmmm…now I’m not so sure.  Anyway, it’s time to vote.  Once the votes are read, the decision is final.  The person voted out will have to leave the tribal council area immediately.  One vote for Ami, and one for Erik, and the rest?  For AMI!!!  Congratulations Scooper, you just defied the odds.  The merge has to be coming up soon, right?  They are only four fans left and six favorites.  That’s 10….isn’t that when they usually merge?  Oh well, I guess we’ll see.  Until next week….

 

Later gators,

Heather

Survivor was on last night, because of the NCAA tournament....I hope you all were paying attention.  That's ok if you weren't.  I've got it all here.  We start off this week at Malarkey and Boob announces she thinks they should kill a chicken.  For the protein.  Now….I wasn’t all that good at science, and clearly from my bowling ball shaped physique, you can imagine I don’t pay that much attention to what I eat…..but I am preeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty sure that eggs have protein too.  Give the chickens a chance!!!  One day and no eggs….man….it’s like that kooky movie Chicken Run – “I don’t want to be a pie!”  Heehee.  Boob accuses Ozzie of hording the chickens so he has more to himself once everyone else is voted off….and he’s like there’s a whole pot of crabs there…..what else do you want?  Here’s something else that I may be totally off base about….didn’t they already eat the rooster?  Which came first – the chicken or the egg……………..or the rooster.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! 

 

So anyway, Boob is gunning for Ozzie now because he wouldn’t let her ax a chicken.  Hell hath no fury.  Ozzie needs to be careful…..this is exactly where he gets himself in trouble.  Over with the Airheads and a rainy night, spent restlessly wallowing around a dirty stinky cave has left the girls all whiney and Cutey Pie is going out of his mind.  <smile>  He’s like – it’s Survivor, what did you expect?  <chuckle>  Back at Malarkey, which must be in a time rift like the Oceanic flight 815, because their beach is sunny and warm.  Ozzie is teaching the Scooper how to get coconuts out of a tree.  And Cirie is totally making fun of them both….she says it’s like the Lion King and Ozzie is the proud papa, and Erik is totally infatuated with him, stardust comes out of his mouth every time he says Ozzie’s name, if Ozzie proposed, the Scooper would accept.  Ok Cirie….we get it.  So now Ozzie thinks they should move the boat to the other side of the beach because the fishing is better there, and then when they’re out in the middle of the ocean, he decides he wants to fish at the reef because they’re already so close and Cirie is not happy.  Not happy at all.  She doesn’t swim well, and despite Ozzie trying to put her at ease, she is not happy and now SHE wants him to go too.  OZZIE – wake up!!!  You’re in trouble!!!

 

So it’s time for the Reward Challenge.  Four people are blindfolded and have to roll these big stone wheel thingies through a course to smash stones to get puzzle pieces.  They are directed by one of their own, and then once they smash all the stones to get all the puzzle pieces…..they have to put the puzzle together.  Reward is an Herbal Essence spa package.  Nice.  I’m sure they need it by now.  So Cirie is directing Malarkey and Eliza is directing the Airheads.  Cirie can’t seem to get it into her head when she is facing her team, her left isn’t their left.  It’s kind of ridiculous listening to her screaming at them to go left…..when she means right.  <smile>  But, in the end Malarkey wins.  For the first time in a long time.  They pick Jason to go to Exile from the Airhead team, and then Ozzie says – Boob, why don’t you take one for the team?  <chuckle>  Ok, so maybe he does know she's plotting against him and wants to get her out of the picture for a little while.  Or he’s being totally oblivious and letting her resentment toward him build up even more…..but it doesn’t matter because they're off to the spa treatment. 

 

By spa treatment, I of course simply mean a shower and snacks.  Nothing special.  But to them it must feel like a dream.  And poor Scooper has never even been on a reward before, so he’s all wide eyed excitement.  Ozzie takes a shower with Amanda and Ami and Cirie is all – Ozzie’s over there in between naked boobs!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Ami could care less, and I have a feeling he’s already seen Blurry Butt’s boobs….but poor Scooper is again all wide eyed excitement. 

 

Over with the Airheads and they have to spend another night in the stinky cave with mice and bats and creepy crawlies.  <shiver>  That’s gross.  In the morning, Crazy Lady is quite despondent.  I feel kind of sorry for her, but she’s made it so far!!  Why would you quit now!!!  After you’ve been through all this!!  Do these people know they’re playing for a million dollars?  Seriously?  So….she’s bawling to the tribe that she has to go home, they sort of try to talk her out of it, but not really.  Jeffy poo comes out to the island and is asking her what’s up, and she says ‘I can’t feel my family.’ And I don’t really know what she means by that…but hey, she is crazy.  So Jeffy is like, well let’s go.  The Airheads are down another player….and they’ve been winning immunity.  Almost doesn’t seem fair.

 

Back at Malarkey and Cirie (the real threat) is in Blurry Butt’s ear about the Oz Man.  Blurry Butt is like, yeah I just noticed how arrogant he is…so because he’s taken the Scooper under his wing, the girls talk about getting rid of poor little Erik.  <shaking my head>.  These women are brutal cutthroat players.  I love it!!  Time for the Immunity Challenge.  Malarkey, and the exiles, get to see the new Airheads team.  Jeffy explains that Kathy quit and everybody is like, eh whatever.  For the challenge they have to pull a rope out into the ocean over these plank bridges and attach it to a package of puzzle pieces and then get pulled back to shore with the package and go back out like four more times.  Once they have all their puzzle pieces, different people untie them and put the puzzle together.  So Ozzie and Eliza are going out first for their teams.  Of course Ozzie gets there first and gives Malarkey a lead right off the bat….and then he goes out again.  He’s amazing.  He really is…riding the puzzle pieces like a boogie board according to Jeffy poo.  He does hand the reins over to the Scooper for a turn, but then immediately goes back out himself.  The Airheads aren’t really that far behind though thanks to Cutey Pie and his massive muscles pulling his tribe mates in practically by himself.  Blurry Butt and Cirie are attempting the puzzle for Malarkey and Our Fair Lady and Jason are doing the puzzle for the Airheads.  Listen, Miss Doolittle is probably the best puzzle solver that has ever been on this show.  I know I’ve been talking Ozzie up as the greatest Survivor ever…and he is….but Miss Doolittle is a force to be reckoned with.  Puzzle solving skills are about as important as swimming skills, and that comes into perfect focus during this challenge as Blurry Butt and Cirie struggle with their puzzle.  Doolittle sees her puzzle and starts ordering Jason to drag this piece here and that piece there. (the pieces look heavy so having a guy for the Airheads was probably a good call).  The Airheads win.  Again.  Poor Ozzie, I really do feel badly for him.  He works so hard to give his team the lead….and they just continue to blow it for him.  I think Chet has hexed them…I really do.

 

So anyway, back at their beach and Blurry Butt is apologizing for being such a loser.  Ozzie is like whatever (but you know it bothers him) and then he says, we should vote out Boob next.  I think probably he wants to keep the Scooper around because 1. He likes the kid, and 2. He really wants to win a challenge.  But Ami has other plans.  She needs Boob to get further in the game, so she comes up with this totally brilliant plan to blindside Ozzie.  Let me see if I can explain this.  Let Ozzie think they’re all going to vote for Boob, so he’ll vote for her.  Tell Blurry Butt and Cirie that you’d be willing to vote for the Scooper, because they think he’s the bigger threat, so they'll vote for Erik.  And THEN have Ami, Boob and Scooper all vote for Ozzie.  He would never see it coming.  And he really wouldn’t.  It’s a great plan.  But then the Scooper doesn’t want to vote out Ozzie because he knows that would be the death of their tribe.  Blurry Butt is not so sure about ending her alliance/relationship with Ozzie so soon (I’d be reluctant too!!) and Ami is even second-guessing her decision to break the alliance she had with the other Favorites.  So I guess this is the way they make it dramatic in the end.

 

Time for Tribal Council.  Jeffy poo is like why are you guys such losers?  Boob says that Ozzie is their leader and he decides who does what and when and how.  Ozzie looks baffled...and tries to play it off like he’s oblivious of his power.  <shaking my head>  This doesn’t sound good.  Scooper, of course, supports his new idol.  While Ami talks about planning for the long term in the game.  AAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!  He doesn’t see it coming!!  He doesn’t see it coming!!  Ozzie, play the idol!! Play the IDOL!!  Ozzie tells everyone that he knows he’s a threat, but he’s loyal and he will take his alliance to the end.  I don’t know if that’s enough Oz Man….I just don’t know.  It’s time to vote.  Once the votes are read, the decision is final.  The person being voted out will have to leave the tribal council area immediately.  Boob gets the first vote (which is the one we saw Ozzie write down), and Ozzie gets the second vote (which is the one we saw Boob write down), and then Boob gets the rest of the votes.  <sigh of relief>  That was close….maybe not as close as it seemed….but close.  How about the Oz Man for holding onto that immunity idol!!  How about his alliance sticking with him!!  And how about the Favorites!  They’re up seven to four over the Fans.  Impressive, not surprising, but impressive.

 

Ok Ozzie, time to get rid of Cirie.  She’s going to chop those legs right out from under you if you’re not careful.  The Airheads are totally hopeless, but if she makes it to the merge, Doolittle is going to be a force to be reckoned with, guaranteed.

 

Later gators,

Heather

So at the Malarkey tribe, after saying goodbye to Firefighter Joel, The Oz Man is tending to the fire and no one seems really that worried….except for the Scooper who is now terrified since he realizes that hey…the Favs are playing to win….and they <gasp> lie right to your face.  Oh my.  Erik, I think we need to have a little talk about how you win Survivor….

 

The next morning Boob the Builder, because she seems to have a knack for sniffing out paranoid people, tells Scooper she thinks he’s next on the chopping block and despite the total lunacy of this story….the Scooper is like, that makes me mad <pout>.  You dumbass.  The Builder seems to be successfully distracting all the guys with her….um….assets.  Nice strategy.  I like it.  Men are easy that way.  And apparently so is Ami.  Boob is talking to her about how disheartened she is….and Ami gives her the pep talk, but I think she really wants to go out with her.  Hey…everybody else is hooking up on this show….why not?  So the new little alliance starts talking about getting rid of one of the Favs.  Huh.  I don’t like the sound of this.

 

Over at the Airhead’s beach and Cutey Pie is talking to Jonathan about his knee…which seems to be ok….or at least that’s what Jonathan says.  Our Fair Lady is talking to Jonathan now, and they seem to agree that the switch up was in their best interest and they have the best team….if not the best beach.  I kind of agree with that only because Malarkey got stuck with Chet the Choker.  <shaking my head>  He’s like negative 12 people.  Jonathan and Doolittle are talking about using the Fans to get rid of Havarti and Cutey Pie before the merge….so they can’t work with Boss Oz and Blurry Butt again.  That’s a great idea…..but get rid of Havarti first…..Cutey Pie is so easy on the eyes.

 

So it’s time for the Reward Challenge.  The Airheads are surprised to see Firefighter Joel is gone….but isn’t everybody surprised every time to see who goes?  Anyway, the challenge is to swim out and get all these sticks and planks, bring them back to the beach and build a barricade through a tunnel for ten minutes, then switch over the other team’s barricade and whoever gets through that tunnel first, wins.  They win some Micronesian Men, who are going to teach them how to survive better.  That’s always neat when the locals come out, because they make it look so easy.  So Jonathan, despite the very obvious limp, swears he can help in this challenge and so some other person is sitting out – one of the anonymous Fans whose name I can’t remember yet because they never talk. 

 

The game is on, and Ozzie the Fish gets to the planks first….surprise, surprise.  It’s a pretty close race actually.  But they each have ten minutes to build the barricades.  I’m thinking Boob should have an advantage here….but what do I know.  So they switch sides and now are trying to get through the tunnels.  Ozzie the Tunneler gets through half way almost immediately, but on the other side the Airheads look like they only one real obstacle to dismantle and now they are piling into that tunnel.  One by one they get through, while Malarkey is still held up in the middle of their tunnel.  Jonathan is literally pulling himself through the tunnel, falls on the ground and flops on the mat for an Airhead win.  Decide who goes to Exile – it’s Chet the Choker from Malarkey and Jason decides to go for the Airheads.

 

Before the Airheads get their reward though, the Medics have to look at Jonathan’s knee.  And here it is.  A nice little Australian lady tells Jonathan in the nicest way possible that his knee is infected, antibodies aren’t working, you could lose your leg, or possibly die, and now you’re losing your chance at a million too.  And that’s a lot of news for anyone to take.  Jonathan tried to say, I’ll stay, I’m not quitting.  And the nice little Medic is like, you’re gonna die out here.  He’s devastated.  He starts crying….which I can kind of understand.  All the girls are crying and Cutey Pie even looks upset, but he’s not crying.  Jonathan says goodbye, Jeffy poo shakes his hand….and wow…..just like a huge player is eliminated.  There goes the plan with Doolittle.  I think she still has a chance to align with the Fans though and get rid of Havarti.  We’ll see.  Cutey Pie is upset because now he’s stuck on a beach with all girls (I guess he forgot that Jason would be back someday) and the Hubby is grunting over on the couch saying….aww….poor guy…..that must really suck.  <smile> 

 

So back at Camp Malarkey, we’re having different kinds of problems.  Blurry Butt and the Oz Man are basically blaming the whole loss on the Choker and Boob….because they want to vote them out.  Ami is starting to feel some allegiance to the underdogs, because she sees herself as one too.  So she talks to Boob about voting out Cirie….which is an excellent idea considering how manipulative Cirie is….and I thought no one saw it.  Good for Ami.  So Boob and the Scooper agree to help her.

 

Over at Exile, the Choker is just lying around complaining about something wrong with his heel….he hurt it somehow….and he’s pretty sure Ozzie has the idol, so why bother.  Jason says yeah, ok.  I’m just gonna look for a little while.  So he gets through all the clues and finds the fake idol….and wow….you can really convince yourself of anything if you want to believe it hard enough….can’t you.  It’s a stick, Jason.  IT’S A STICK YOU MORON.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Ozzie is brilliant and Jason is a sucker.  Please oh please Survivor gods, make sure he plays that and makes a fool out of himself.  That would be awesome.

 

The Micronesian Men show up at the Airheads tribe and they are a pair of festively plump guys.  Never trust a skinny chef.  And never trust an emaciated person to teach you how to survive….right?  Heehee.  So they brought all kinds of food and fishing stuff.  They show the kids how to catch crabs with coconuts and how to fish….and everybody is happy. 

 

So now it’s time for the Immunity Challenge and time for Malarkey to learn about Jonathan.  Jeffy poo explains what happened…and everybody is really surprised.  Jeffy then asks the Exilees if they had any luck with the idol….and Jason in a surprisingly devious move says he thinks Ozzie already has it.  Huh….now everybody is looking at Ozzie in a new way and Ozzie is like…look, maybe he can’t follow instruction, but I know I don’t have it.  Or whatever he said to deflect the situation.  So more swimming for the challenge, they have to untie some poles and transport two of their tribe members across the water on the poles and then they all have to fit up on a really tiny platform at the same time.  So Doolittle and Havarti are being transported for the Airheads, and Boob and Ami are being transported for Malarkey.  Except here’s the kicker – the Airheads decide to have Doolittle balance herself on one pole while Cutey Pie carries the pole and Doolittle across the water all at once, completely abandoning the idea of hopping from one pole to the next.  Jeffy is like, that’s not how we pictured it happening…but hey….whatever.  Not against the rules.  So because Cutey Pie is a freak of nature and Doolittle weighs about 40 pounds, they get across the water very quickly.  Boob is having considerably more trouble.  Now it’s Havarti’s turn and she gets all the way across and then falls into the water, so they have to bring her across twice and still Boob hasn’t made it across for Malarkey.  So the Airheads head out to the tiny platform, where they also have an advantage.  With all the girls on the team, and their tiny feet, this should be easy.  And it is….it takes them just enough time for Boob to get across for Malarkey.  So the Airheads win…..again.  Wow….poor Ozzie. 

 

So back at the beach and Malarkey is talking about Jonathan…at which point the Choker decides to get some sympathy for his bruised heel or whatever the hell is wrong with him.  He wants to slice his foot open….because he thinks that will help….and I know I’m not a doctor or anything….but come on.  That’s ridiculous.  And then he says, I want to go home.  It’s me tonight.  And everybody is like….well yeah….you didn’t have to tell us that.  <smile>  But they did it in a nice way.  Boob is really upset, now she and Scooper are talking about getting rid of the Oz Man because he could have the idol and he wouldn’t be expecting it tonight….and wait just a darn minute….Ozzie is the best survivor ever…..if he doesn’t win…..again!!!  I’ll be so pissed if they vote him off.  So Scooper is trying to convince the Choker not to be such a cry baby and help them pull of the biggest Survivor blindside ever….and Chet is like….I’ll think about it.  He’s not gonna do it though…I can tell.

 

Time for Tribal Council and Jeffy poo is asking about reactions to Jonathan leaving.  Ozzie is surprised to see such a strong player get ousted by such a trivial seeming thing.  And Cirie said if he could have argued his way out of it, he would have….and Jeffy was like, he tried.  <smile>  Then Jeffy asks about the idol talk with Jason, and Scooper is like yeah it makes you think.  And then Ozzie opens his big naïve mouth and is like, look we all know who is going home time.  It’s Chet.  And if it’s me, I’m the biggest dope ever, I’ll get naked and jump off the pier (!!!!!).  Now despite how much I wouldn’t mind seeing such a stunt, blurry parts and all, I cannot stand the fact that he’s sticking his foot in his mouth so much here.  He’s basically giving Chet the green light to ego ahead and ambush him.  He’s basically saying, I’m not gonna use the idol.  Chet says you never know what’s gonna happen….and now I’m starting to get worried.  And then Blurry Butt says, you’re only in trouble if you’re comfortable…obviously trying to warn lover boy to stop being such an idiot.  <sigh>  If he goes home…..pissed…..really……pissed.

 

Now it’s time to vote.  Once the votes are read, the decision is final.  The person voted out will have to leave the tribal council area immediately.  First vote – Chet.  Second vote – Chet.  And now he’s in the clear.  All the votes were for Chet, and he’s finally off the island.  Oh thank goodness.  Breathe a sigh of relief their Oz Man….that was closer than it had to be.

 

Later gators,

Heather

Mikey B has just been kicked off the island, and Jason is just as surprised as I am.  It was a good move….but Weird Science?  Really?  I know everybody likes to have a sacrificial lamb around, or at least someone lower on the totem pole than they are….but come on.  Jason thinks the Airheads are a bunch of dopes.  Me too.  Back at Camp Malarkey and its time to off a chicken.  Ozzie, the Jack of all Trades, is elected to whack the poor little guy.  Havarti says goodbye to Charlie the Chicken and then while everybody is plucking feathers, Captain Ahab hides his immunity idol.  Oh, that’s right.  You may have forgotten since last week, but he’s still the best Survivor ever.  And getting cuter by the day…..if I haven’t mentioned that either.  And then he decides to tell his little clique about the idol.  So Blurry Butt, Havarti and Cutey Pie know about it now.

 

Now let’s move right on to the Reward Challenge.  That was quick.  I guess there’s not a lot going on at the camps.  But what’s this?  Jeffy poo tells them to drop their buffs.  We getting NEW tribes?!?!?  Moly holy.  Malarkey had it in the bag and now the stupid producers want to mix everything up.  <shaking my head> That’s awful.  I wouldn’t want any of the dopey fans on my team, maybe the Scooper because I think he’s the one that can swim.  And what about Oz!  His idol is hidden back on the beach?!?!?  So they pick stones out of a bag to get the team leaders….and one of them is Ozzie <sigh>….thank goodness.  At least he can stay on his own beach now.  Natalie is the other team leader.  So Natalie picks first and she has to pick one of the Favs.  Of course it’s Cutey Pie.  And Ozzie is forced to pick one of the Favs and he picks Troy.  Who’s Troy?  Oh….he meant Joel.  Good work, Ozzie.  I think now’s the time you need to bother learning their names.  The teams end up being – on the new Malarkey: Ozzie, Firefighter Joel, Blurry Butt (which must have made Ozzie happy), Scooper the Swimmer, Ami, who picked Boob the Builder (shocker), Cirie (just to make things more interesting) and finally Weird Science (because karma loves us like that Firefighter).  And on the new Airheads team we have Natalie, Cutey Pie, Alexis, Jonathan, Jason, Havarti, Crazy Lady and Miss Doolittle.  So Oz Man and Blurry Butt are still together.  And Cutey Pie and Havarti are still together.  Good for them!!  Now after all that drama we still have to do a challenge!  It’s basically tag, except it’s two players tied together against the other team’s tied up duo.  And it’s through an obstacle course.  If the team being chased can elude the other team for 60 seconds, then they get the point.  If the other team chasing them gets one of their flags, the chasers get the point. 

 

Now, tag to me doesn’t sound very brutal.  But I have obviously never seen a Survivor game of tag before.  This was violence and chaos people.  They’re playing for a pile of steaks and veges and wine and no Exile Island for anyone so they can get to know each other.  This was awesome.  Havarti got a fat lip.  Ami twisted her knee.  Jonathan got stabbed in the leg with something.  And then Firefighter Joel was paired up with Weird Science….and I have no idea who thought that was gonna be a good idea.  Joel literally drug poor Chet all over the course, and Chet is slamming into trees and hitting his face into poles.  It was awful.  And they lost….and Chet was trying to explain that he was hurt….and Joel was like, yeah I don’t care.  Nice.  Poor Ozzie, he’s not used to losing!!!  But…it’s not a total loss for Team Malarkey, as the new members quickly find out.  Back at their camp they have food, dry sleeping quarters, and basically all the luxuries of life you can expect on an island out in the middle of nowhere.  Ozzie decides that Weird Science has got to go.  No kidding Oz, why didn’t they get rid of him before?!?!?!  Over at the Airheads camp, it is a completely different homecoming.  The Favs are stunned and appalled at the site.  It’s an awful camp, practically set up in the ocean.  They’re trying to BBQ their steaks and the tide comes in and puts out the fire.  Oh, the humanity!  Poor Jonathan seems to be the most hurt from the challenge of the bunch of them.  He has this huge hole in his leg, which was really gross by the way.  Sometime in the middle of the night, the medics finally show up and clean out the wound and sew it up and Jonathan….<shudder>…..takes it like a man.  And I’m being serious, it looked quite painful and he just sucked it up.  Ewwwwwwwwwwww.  So now he’s keeping his fingers crossed that it doesn’t get infected.  Good luck with that out here in the jungle, Jonny boy.

 

The next day back at Camp Malarkey and the Scooper is being impressed by Aqua Man’s swimming abilities.  Yeah….who knew?  The Oz Man can swim like a fish.  Now the boys discuss the pecking order for the first time.  Joel, very smartly suggests that in order to gain their trust they should vote out Cirie first and then Chet, to keep the numbers with the Fans just in case.  He is a very smart strategist….I’ll give him that…..but he’s still a bonehead.  Over at Camp Airheads, the Favs decide that first things first, they need a new shelter.  And so in about an hour, they build one.  Away from the coastline.  The original Airheads are stunned and amazed that the Favs are so good at this.  It’s building a bamboo shelter people….not brain surgery.  Jonathan is hobbling about like “Quasimodo”, according to him.  <smile>  A little melodramatic, but I think he is waaaaaaaaaaaaay understating the amount of pain he is still in….so we’ll give him some latitude.  Back at Camp Malarkey and Blurry Butt has wrestled a four foot shark out of their fishing net….by herself!  She lugs it back into camp and Ozzie is practically glowing.  He sheepishly tells the Camera Guy that it’s pretty attractive to a ‘guy like him’.  <smile>  Awwwww….he really is smitten.  So who cares about the steak dinner, Malarkey is eating pounds of shark meat tonight.

 

Now it’s time for the Immunity Challenge.  Throw rocks at puzzle pieces until they fall down, pull the puzzle pieces apart and arrange them on this big table, with one team member perched on high to help see the big picture and tell everyone what to do.  Got it?  Ok, Camp Malarkey starts off with Ozzie breaking a piece right off the bat.  Best Ever.  The Airheads can’t get their pieces to fall and Jonathan starts complaining that their pieces are rigged and Jeffy poo is like, everyone has the same stuff Penner, stop bitching.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Jeffy does get quite annoyed with the contestants sometimes, doesn’t he.  But I like seeing him act a little human from time to time.  You don’t always have to be the Game Show Host, Jeffy.  You’re as much a part of this game and tribal council.  So anyway, Malarkey gets to the puzzle first, but Chet is calling the shots against Eliza for the other team…..so once the Airheads get to their puzzle it evens up pretty quickly.  Eliza is practically psychic when it comes to puzzles.  She gets them so fast.  Jonathan does give her some good advice, look for the bigger pattern because there must be one….and he’s right and they do and they win.

 

So back at Camp Malarkey and now the Firefighter doesn’t care about keeping their numbers…he is adamant that they need to get rid of Weird Science immediately.  He says if this was medieval times, they would have killed him themselves.  HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.  He also calls Chet a big glob of goo.  <smile>  That’s gross.  So he tells Ozzie he doesn’t care, they need to get rid of him, which Ozzie of course totally agrees with.  And everyone agrees with, until Cirie hears the plan about the Gob of Goo.  And because it’s Cirie and she always has a plan and she never just goes along with people for the sake of going along with them…..she thinks they should get rid of Joel when he’s not expecting it.  She makes the excellent point that Joel doesn’t really help them in challenges and that he is playing the game much more than GooGob and GooGob can be used as a pawn for anything, while Joel won’t sit idly by and let them plan around him.  Ozzie sees the sense in that argument…but he knows that GooGob is a waste of space and they will pretty much be sealing their fates with the challenges if they keep him around.  It’s all so suspenseful.  But now it’s time for Tribal Council.

 

Jeffy asks about the new tribes and the new members.  Ozzie says yeah of course I picked Troy, I mean Joel, after Natalie picked Cutey Pie (except he called him James, of course).  GooGob talks about not really being picked and puts as much of a silver lining on it as he can.  Boob the Builder talks about Joel dragging Gooby through the obstacle course and she blames that loss on Joel for not communicating and acting like a freak.  Gooby says it felt like a Mack Truck was pulling him through the trees.  The Truck says I was telling you what to do, you just weren’t doing it.  Gooby disagrees.  The Scooper says he’s voting to keep the tribe strong; translation – he’s voting for Gooby.  But I’m not so sure everyone else is.  Jeffy asks about the hidden immunity idol and Blurry Butt looks right at Ozzie.  What are you thinking!!!  Don’t make it obvious!?!?  Once the votes are read, the decision is final.  The person being voted out will have to leave the tribal council area immediately.  Here’s how the voting went.  Joel, Chet, Joel, Chet and with the third Joel vote he really starts to look concerned.  He should be, because all the other votes were for him.  What a knockout punch.  The Scooper is amazed and shaking his head.  Joel looks like he could breath fire.  Cirie is practically giggling she’s so happy, when are people gonna realize she’s molding this game into her own private playground?  So Jeffy says, well it’s obvious you’re not concerned about being strong….and sends them on their way.  Wow.  This does make things interesting….

 

Later gators,

Heather

Do you realize this is only Day 9?  That’s amazing.  It already feels like this show has been on forever.  So Ami admits to casting the single vote for Cirie.  Nice.  That’s what I think everybody should have done Ami.  Everyone is very upfront at Camp Malarkey.  It’s weird how honest they are with each other.  Now Jonathan and Cirie fight some more about how Cirie doesn’t trust him and she’s now not trustworthy either….and didn’t Jonathan mutiny in his original season…..and I realize it was kind of early in the game to call what Cirie did a mutiny…..but come on.  Pot.  Kettle.  I really can’t tell the difference between you right now. 

 

So back at the Airheads camp everybody wonders who got kicked off of the Favorites tribe.  One of the thin blonde guys (either Scooper or Jason) kills an eel and everybody gets really excited and someone says I hope it tastes like hot dogs.  <long pause>  They are clearly delirious from malnutrition….because that’s like….totally insane.  Then, as is usually the case, the Piggy of the tribe is singled out and apparently today it’s Weird Science.  He just looks run down to me….and he’s laying around and not trying….and that’s never good.  I can only imagine that this must be exceedingly difficult for some people because I would like to think if it were me and there was a million dollars being dangled out at the end of the road…..I would be trying my hardest.  And back at Camp Malarkey, the Piggy is our Fair Lady – Eliza.  Awwww….Miss buggy eyes herself is feeling under the weather.  Here’s something else I would never do – admit that I was sick.  To anyone.  It would have been easier Eliza dear to go paint a big red target on your face.  Then Captain Ahab and Cutey Pie say right in front of Eliza that they should have voted her out.  Cutey Pie says, how could we be so dumb.  <evil chuckle>  OooooOOOOooooo….everybody’s getting a little nasty on this tribe.  Eliza tells the Camera Guy that she hates everyone here.  HAHAHAHAHA.  No s**t.  She tries to defend herself to the boys but it’s really no use….they got you.  You better do well in the next challenge Lady or you may be next on the chopping block.

 

So it’s time for the Reward Challenge.  Four players dive into the ocean to get coconuts with letters on them out of a cage in the water.  Then the other players unscramble the coconuts to make one word.  Eliza is not swimming which I think is a good call and Weird Science is sitting out on this one….which is another good call.  So Captain Ahab swims in first for Camp Malarkey and you know what this guy does…..because he’s such an awesome swimmer…..he grabs as many coconuts as he can from the back of the cage and pushes them to the front.  While the Airheads get one at a time, Malarkey uses their strongest swimmer to give them an advantage.  Brilliant.  And let me say for the billionth time – Ozzie is the best Survivor ever.  So the Favorites get way out ahead, bring their coconuts back to the beach and in about as much time as it took them to get all the letters face up Cutey Pie is standing to the side and goes, is it ‘triumphant’?  is that a word?  HAHAHAHAHAHA….and then he goes, you know if I get this……HAHAHAHAHAHAHA…..and of course he’s right and of course the Favorites win.  Oh yeah…they got three hens and a rooster.  That’s cool.  So they send Crazy Lady back to Exile and this time Captain Ahab goes with her….that’s nice considering he won the challenge for you guys.  And I’m being serious…because he could really use that immunity idol.

 

So the Airheads are depressed and feeling sorry for themselves.  Yeah.  This is harder than it looks like on TV.  I get it.  Stop whining.  Someone says the Crazy Lady is probably eating better than any of them…of course….she’s with Captain Ahab.  Ozzie can basically make fish leap out of the water, talk to the trees, make fire with his eyes….that kind of thing.  So while Crazy Lady is trying to make a fire, our man Ozzie pretends to go looking for food and instead decides to look for the hidden idol.  It takes him what seems like five minutes to find it.  That’s friggin awesome!!!  So he finds it and hides it in his ridiculously oversized hat, sneaks it into his bag, and then get this….this is such an awesome idea….he whittles a fake idol out of some driftwood he finds on the beach to replace the real one.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  That’s genius!!!  Did I mention he’s the best Survivor.  Ever.  Ever ever. 

 

Our Fair Lady is trying to get on Havarti’s good side and tells her that Jonathan cannot be trusted.  Hmmmm….not exactly a newsflash there Eliza.  But while they’re talking about getting rid of Jonathan, who walks up?  Of course.  Jonathan.  And yes, he hears them talking about him.  I don’t know if he was purposefully following them, or if he just accidentally ran into them….but lucky for him he heard Eliza sneaking around.  Why aren’t you freaking out about Eliza, Jonathan?  Like Cirie?  Havarti sees Eliza’s pitch for what it is – her desperate attempt to stay on the island.  Well that’s good at least.  I hope Eliza goes before she gets too disgustingly thin though….that always grosses me out. 

 

Now it’s time for the Immunity Challenge and this one looks cool.  Six on each team have to get into this big harness thing, unlock their individual pieces of this contraption….wield it through an obstacle course and pick up decoder bracelets, give the bracelets to two other teammates and let them solve a puzzle.  Eliza is on the puzzle-solving side again, which I think is a good call….she’s very good at those.  This challenge isn’t even close though.  The Airheads have some kind of problem with their locks….and fall seriously behind.  Malarkey leaves them in the dust.  And Eliza solves the puzzle in about seven seconds.  Awesome.  So the Aireheads lost another one….but the Favs are still intact and our man Ozzie is the best.  Ever. 

 

Back at Camp Airheads, after everyone gets over being depressed about what losers they are….all the talk is about Weird Science going home…and you know what?  He doesn’t seem to care one little bit.  Except he is part of Boob the Builder's little alliance and she’s having none of this giving up crap.  So she takes matters into her own hands and starts in on Firefighter Joel.  Placing the seeds of doubt into his head about going along with Mikey B.  She makes some excellent arguments, but I’m not totally convinced it will be enough.  They hurry us right on to Tribal Council though where I’m sure Jeffy poo will get it all sorted out.

 

Jeffy  asks if the game is even now that they’ll have the same number of players as the Favorites, and Jason (who I still know nothing about) says he thinks the Favs have the advantage…or at least the momentum with all of their recent wins.  So they start talking about keeping the tribe strong and Jeffy asks who wants to admit to being the weakest link and Weird Science practically dislocates his shoulder throwing his hand up in the air.  The first challenge was harder than I thought it would be…but other than that I’m doing well.  Ok, dude.  Whatever you say.  Mikey B says no way, Chet is the weakest link and we have to keep the tribe strong.  I don’t think he has the physical ability to stay here and help us….and then Boob the Builder says, listen, Chet sat out of a challenge, I sat out and so did Kathy and they lost every single one of those challenges without us….so tell me….how can we be hurting them?  NICE!  She should be a lawyer!!  Then the Scooper starts talking about how physical strength isn’t everything….hmmm….maybe Boob swayed more people than I thought.  And then Firefighter Joel is nodding and basically says the same thing.  So Jeffy says, ok, time to vote.  But wait – Jason cuts him off and says again I just want to tell every that they need to vote to keep this tribe strong…we need strength on this tribe and I gotta say when he cut of Jeffy poo the look on Jeffy’s face was priceless.  Kind of a cross between “don’t you know I run the show here?” and “who the hell is this guy?”  Heehee….it was awesome.  When Jason finally finishes his rant, Jeffy goes – Anyone else have anything they want to say?  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  No?  Ok, NOW it’s time to vote.  Once the votes are read, the decision is final.  The person being voted out will have to leave the tribal council area immediately.  This should be interesting, because now I have no idea.  I’m still pretty sure it’s gonna be Chet.  So the votes go to Chet, and Chet, and then Mikey.  And then another for Mikey….and then Chet…..and then Mikey……it’s tied three to three.  And then Mikey gets the rest of the votes and I am dumbfounded.  First of all that they didn’t think they needed someone stronger to save them in the challenges.  Especially now that they won’t be sitting anyone out.  And also that Boob could sway Joel like that so easily.  One little comment about him being led around by Mikey…..and he lets Boob lead him around instead.  Brilliant play.  But Joel is clearly not the leader of this tribe.

 

I don’t know why I care about the Airheads…..our man Ozzie should win this time.  Man, I hope he wins this time.  He deserved to win last time….

 

Later gators,

Heather

 

Happy Leap Year!  Years divisible by four are leap years, but not years divisible by 100.  The year 2000 was the first leap year that was divisible by both 100 and 4, so it was a leap year.  Leap years are needed to keep our calendar in alignment with the earth’s rotation.  Leap Day is also St. Oswald’s Day, named after a 10^th century archbishop of York who died February 29, 992.  The Italian composer Rossini, Dinah Shore, and Ja Rule were all born on February 29^th. 

Mary is out at Camp Airheads, and poor Mikey B is now faced with the painfully obvious reality that he is not in charge the way he thought he was.  So he “confronts” Firefighter Joel and tells him, no big deal, he doesn’t mind and then he tries to explain why he doesn’t mind….and I didn’t follow any of that.  But then he tells the camera that the Firefighter is playing the wrong kind of game.  Not from this side of the camera, Mikey.  You’re the one who was surprised about last night, not the Firefighter.  Now the Firefighter is telling us he wants to see the look on Mikey’s face when he gets hit with the baseball bat of reality….or whatever he was trying to say (these boys aren’t really speaking English are they?)….but I think Mikey already got ‘woken up’ when you voted Mary out.  Pretty much gave yourself away there, Firefighter.

 

Back at Camp Malarkey where the Beautiful People invite Eliza Doolittle to hang out with them on the beach.  Oh loverly!!  Then Ozzy Ahab starts interrogating her….ahhhh….the real reason they invited her to hang out!!  Ozzy Ahab wants to vote out Yau-Man next because he’s so weak.  Hmmmm….wasn’t that little Ninja Monk the one who won all those individual immunity idols?  I’m not sure I’d describe him as weak…So our fair lady just smiles and nods (the rine in spine sties minely in the pline) and then runs back to Jonathan to tell him how much Ozzy hates him.

 

All we find out from the Leftovers is that Cirie isn’t telling them whole truth and nothing but the truth because she’s still trying to decide which group she’s going to align with, and we find out she is very aware of how powerful her position is right now.  So now it’s time for the Reward Challenge, apparently this week the challenges are going to be separated.  The tribes have to paint themselves up all Lord of the Flies and then run around in waist deep water in some kind of lagoon carrying these bags, they have to get enough bags into their “end zone” at the same time, and you steal bags from the other side even if they get them into their end zone.  This is gonna be brutal!  They each got to pick their rewards out of the Survivor catalogue o’ goodies.  And I don’t remember what they picked….so use your imagination. 

 

The challenge is a melee.  People are getting tackled, bonked, beaten and drowned left and right.  One teams has the upperhand and then the other.  Erik flips Blurry Butt into the water and here comes Cutey Pie to the rescue.  Wait a minute….shouldn’t Captain Ahab be coming to the rescue?  In the end, the Favorites win.  Not surprising.  They get to send someone to exile island, so they send Crazy Lady again….clearly hoping that she will find the immunity idol.  And Ami is the Favorite going this time.  Oh.  Hi Ami.  Totally forgot you were on this show….talk about laying low.  You’ve crashed into the trees you’re flying so low under the radar. 

 

Back at Camp Malarkey, basking in their glory, completely oblivious to Cirie and her scheming.  And isn’t Cirie a hoot, suggesting that people should be sucking up to her a little more!!  HAHAHA.  I think she’s right….but man, that sounds totally awful.  So she decides to try to get an alliance with Havarti and Blurry Butt.  That’s an interesting idea.  Why not keep the girls together.  You’ll need three to vote out the boys in the end anyway.  Professor Higgins and our fair lady are back at the beach watching the boating trip.  And while Jonathan seems perfectly ok with Cirie talking to the other girls, Eliza is of course….being Eliza and suggesting that they are filling her head with lies.  Cirie seems to convince the girls to vote out the Ninja Monk because he could get an immunity idol at any possible second.  Ok.  Talk about paranoid.  She’s been in Exile Island….why in the world would she think the Ninja Monk would have any better luck finding the thing, than her? 

 

Speaking of Exile Island, Ami is trying to find the clues, but the Crazy Lady is too tired to go island-hopping again and so she plays dumb.  Ami apparently forgets that she’s already been here.  As the storms roll in, they head back to the Island.  The storms pummel Camp Airheads.  They are getting soaked because of their piddly useless shelter.  Camp Malarkey is living it up, dry and warm.  All the Airheads get pruney, pale and miserable as a result of their rain-drenched night.  Talk about miserable….I couldn’t handle that….at all.  I’m too much of a baby to face the elements like that…no thank you….not for me.  Plus there was lightening.  And you all know how I feel about lightening.  But no time for pouting or recovery, it’s off to the Immunity Challenge.

 

Ok, so four people have to hold a heavy net basket and the rest of the team tries to fill the other team’s basket with as many coconuts as they can.  Whoever can hold on to their net the longest, wins.  Seems easy, right?  I’m thinking this is gonna be a breeze for the Favorites.  They’re well-rested.  Not pruney.  No problem.  Well…..as usual, that was not the case at all.  The Fans pulled out another upset, and kept the seesaw balanced for a little while longer.  And now the Favorites have to go to Tribal Council.  This should be interesting. 

 

So back at Camp Malarkey, and the Leftovers want to boot out Havarti because she’s sleeping with Cutey Pie.  The Beautiful People go with Cirie’s plan to vote out the Ninja Monk….but Captain Ahab and Blurry Butt have their own ideas, which is voting out our fair lady Eliza.  Cirie is annoyed that they could possibly be questioning her since she clearly has all the power.  Cirie says, what about Jonathan?  And then between Eliza and her buggy eyes looking over everybody’s shoulder and then Ami walking right into the middle of the plotting, the Beautiful People get broken up.  Jonathan asks Ami what’s going on, and she tells him it’s either you or Yau. 

 

So now Jonathan is finally worried and in his own gentle charming way confronts Cirie and demands her loyalty to the Leftovers.  While he tries to convince her that she won’t be the fifth wheel in their plan, she tells him the Beautiful People have given her the same argument.  And now she’s being just as haughty as Jonathan.  Captain Ahab and Blurry Butt are creeping in on the conversation.  Where’s the privacy!?!?!  So Cirie, obviously uncomfortable being called out in front of both sides, decides she needs to be alone and think.  So Jonathan pulls Captain Ahab aside and says, well….if it has to be Yau, it has to be.  Nice.  There’s loyalty for you….and Ozzy of course says, no it has to be Eliza.  Jonathan points out that Havarti is more of a threat than Eliza because she has obvious alliances. 

 

Everybody is annoyed that Cirie has the power right now.  Um.  I have a suggestion.  Why don’t you all vote Cirie out?  She’s not playing along….and just threatening her with that would be enough to get her to go along with one side or the other.  Cutey Pie is annoyed, but I don’t think his strategy skills are strong enough to make that leap.  Cirie still wants to vote for Yau.  The boys wants to vote for Eliza.  And the Leftovers appear to be voting for Havarti.

 

Time for Tribal Council and Jeffy poo to sort everything out.  Jeffy asks Jonathan how bad does it suck to be back here.  Nice open-ended question there, Jeff.  Cutey Pie respects the Airheads.  Ninja Monk says they need to be hungrier to win.  Cirie tries to make it sound like she’s playing for herself and the tribe, which is just ridiculous.  She says if her decision isn’t what someone else wants, that doesn’t mean it’s just for her.  Ok.  Our ever-observant Jeffy poo sees Jonathan making faces at Cirie and asks what is that all about?  So now Cirie and Jonathan have it out.  Jonathan is accusing her of jumping sides and she is trying to defend herself.  Jonathan points out that she agreed to their alliance, but now she’s saying he wants to vote out Havarti and she doesn’t want to and she doesn’t trust him as far as she can throw him.  Nice.  Let’s get that all out in the clear.  The Ninja Monk is being remarkably silent in the face of his imminent doom.  Havarti acknowledges that her flirting could look like manipulating and she knows her name has been brought up.  So it’s time to vote.  Once the votes are read, the decision is final.  The person voted out will have to leave the tribal council area immediately.

 

Jonathan voted for Havarti.  Cirie voted for the Ninja Monk….and apparently so did everyone else…..except for one vote for Cirie.  Hmmmmm….I’m curious who that was…..Yau Man said he had a nice time, blah blah blah.  And that vote for Cirie came from Ami.  Huh.  Interesting.  So that’s it for this week.

 

Later gators,

Heather

Hello kiddies,

I know, I know....this episode was on like a million years ago.  As soon as someone wants to start paying me to write these things so I can quit my illustrious job as a glamorous government auditor....then these little reviews will get out on time.  Until then, you're just going to have to put up with me.  I've had a terrible weekend, must be my bad karma for not writing sooner.  I managed to get probably....oh fourth or fifth degree burns on my arm while trying to take a pizza out of the oven.  You may be asking yourself, Self, what the hell is a fourth or fifth degree burn?  Well, I'll tell you.  Not bad enough to blister, but bad enough to hurt.  All the time.  Then last night, for no apparent reason, the Pumpkin decided that she needed a late night snack and that my arm looked especially appealling.  So as I innocently and ignorantly turn over in my sleep she attacks like a ferocious lion, sinks her razor sharp teeth into the tricep muscles (HAHAHAHA) of my left arm and then streaks out of the room quite obviously aware of the mistake she has just made.  Skywalker suggested that I startled her, or that she may have been trying to eat my hair....which is kind of stringy but come on......all of which sound like good quality logical explanations.  But at the time, and even now for that matter, I am even more convinced that the Pumpkin is trying to get rid of me in true hitman fashion.  Perhaps she thinks without me in the way, she'll be able to eat as much as she likes and grow to the size of a small horse.  Regardless, my left arm - burned and bitten, does not feel really well.  However, pecking away at the keyboard with one hand is really not an option....so I will suffer through this....I hope you appreciate it.

 

So now that I have made you feel guilty enough for reading this you sadistic fiends, let's get down to it.  We're at Team Malarkey (Favorites) after the very surprising fire-extinguishment of Fairplay.  Everybody is relieved that he wasn't trying to scam them, except for Jonathan who wanted Fairplay to be a part of his plan.  Now back at Team Airheads and let's see how the fans are getting along.  Not too well apparently.  In sharp contrast to team Malarkey, the fans still do not have shelter, or water, or fire, or anything really.  So the boys try to start a fire.  Try and fail.  Repeatedly.  I realize this probably isn't as easy as it looks, but if you were a real fan....wouldn't you know how to start a fire with flint?  Or your glasses, a la Ninja Monk (Yau Man).  Now people start complaining, cause they're hungry and tired and a bunch of whiners.  Crazy Lady is still not making any friends by complaining about not having a shelter, the boys yell at her, she and Tracy decide to clear out a cave to live in but Jason (nude model, gymnastics coach) tells them to bugger off, this is his cave.  And Crazy Lady acts even more crazy by crying about nasty Jason's comments, instead of yelling at him to stop acting like a three year old.  Apparently, she is being reminded of her traumatic high school experience with these events and can't handle confrontations.  Oh dear....So, Boob the Builder (Tracy), Weird Science (Chet) and Crazy Lady (Kathy) decide to build their own shelter.  Which ends up looking awesome and whaddya know....now everybody likes them again.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  So high school.  Hey nerd, I'll let you sit near me if I can cheat off your homework.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. 

 

So back at Camp Malarkey, the Favorites are feasting thanks to Ozzy/Captain Ahab pulling every kind of edible fish imaginable out of the sea with his bare hands.  Ozzy admits that he has a crush on Blurry Butt Amanda, thanks for the newsflash Oz.  But he does seem to have his head about him when he admits that he doesn't want people to know because that would put a target on his back.  Ok, ok....thinking with the right head, that's good.  Cutey Pie and Havarti are not being nearly so discreet....but whatever.....Beautiful People get away with everything don't they?  Back with the Airheads, and someone has managed to create fire.  Excellent.  Now they have water, and some kind of sea monster clam shell thing to eat and now magically, everybody is happy.  Imagine that.  Now Mikey B and Mary Bolton (like the singer) are flirting with each other.  What is up with a tattoo of a ticket stub on your back, you moron.  A ticket stub?  <shaking my head>  I wanted to slap that guy right in the head.  So Firefighter Joel is immediately suspicious of the flirting....because he is exceedingly paranoid.  How long have they been there...like three minutes?  And already Joel is seeing conspiracies everywhere he turns.  I don't think that's a great sign for him....but what do I know. 

 

Back at Camp Malarkey and its nighttime and people are trying to sleep....but they can't.....because Captain Ahab and Blurry Butt can't keep their hands off each other.  What, huh?  What happened to all that very sensible talk about not letting anybody know they had the hots for each other?  What happened to that?  Maybe they forgot about the night vision, or that there were 7 other people in the cave with them....or maybe they're just stupider than they sound.  Cirie calls it jungle love.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA....yeah, I guess that is quite literally what it is.....

 

So in this week's immunity/reward challenge (why are they combined now?) the winners get fishing gear, immunity, to pick someone from the other team to go to exile island.  The losers get..........NOTHING.  BRUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  <ahem>  So anyway, the challenge involves swimming out to a platform, breaking a plate, finding a key, unlocking a chest and putting a puzzle together.  The Airheads pick Crazy Lady to sit out....because nobody likes her.  And things get underway.  Captain Ahab does not disappoint in his lightening fast swimming speed and Malarkey is ahead right off the bat.  The win is pretty much cinched though when Weird Science (Chet) reveals that he apparently can't swim.  <shaking my head>  Wouldn't you work on your swimming skills....along with your fire-making skills....if you were a fan?  I mean, wouldn't that be on the top of the list of things to know how to do.....So after Malarkey wins, they pick Crazy Lady to go to exile.  I guess they figured if she found immunity, they could keep the other team's clearly weakest link around for a while.  But wait, there's a twist.  Someone from Malarkey must go to exile also.  Oh ho ho ho...really?  That's very interesting.  Cirie volunteers, you know because she has not been affected by the jungle love syndrome going around....and apparently no one else on that team really cares about immunity because they're all like, yeah ok.  You go. 

 

Exile island is actually pretty hysterical this season.  They find these clues which send them all over God's green earth to find....not the idol....but the next of what must be an endless line of clues.....and they're not on Exile island....they're on other beaches and other islands....and poor Cirie and Crazy Lady are swimming for miles......with no luck.

 

So back with the Airheads and discussions abound concerning the Vote.  Everyone seems to think it should be Weird Science because of his dismal performance in the challenge....but just to make things interesting, remember Crazy Lady has at least one and potentially two immunity idols, Mikey B decides to direct everyone on how to vote in case she gives her idol to someone else or finds a second one.  The Airheads are clearly confused and Mikey seems to be taking that dreaded, avoid-at-all-costs leader role without even realizing it.  Firefighter Joel is practically jumping out his skin at the chance to knock Mikey down a notch.  And become the leader himself.  So Firefighter Joel tells everyone what Mikey is up to and then tells them they should vote Mary Bolton (like the singer) out because that would send him a clear message.  Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  And all the little lemmings, clearly intimidated by the Firefighter, agree to do his bidding.  So the Unpopular crowd now get in on the plan to vote out Mary....and poor Weird Science starts talking his pageant girls....pageant girls.  Heeheee...and Mary remains clueless.

 

So now we're at Tribal Council.  Jeffy poo reminds Crazy Lady that she can use her idol tonight and tonight only.  Then he starts in on Weird Science.  What the hell was wrong with you?  I wasn't tired, says Weird Science, and Jeffy poo is like, you're giving yourself waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much credit.  Everyone was screaming at you to get out of the water.  And Weird Science responds with - it was what it was.  Which is what, exactly?  <sigh>  So then the Airheads talk about their two tents and the Popular Ones and the Unpopular Ones.  Jeffy poo is amazed that it took so little time to divide their team up like that.  Especially when they're supposed to be fans of the show and should realize that they need to work together as much as possible to beat the Favorites....but whatever....and then Mary, like she has never seen this show before in her life, utters those famous damning words - I feel pretty secure.  You idiot.  Secure about what?  Your macho man Mikey?  HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA....sucker!!!!  Time to vote.  Once the votes are read, the decision is final.  The person voted off will have to leave the tribal council area immediately.  And it's two for Weird Science, two for Boob the Builder (Tracy) and the rest for Mary.  Oh Mary, ya never saw that coming, didja?  And Firefighter Joel....because he knew he had them all in his back pocket.....didn't even vote for Mary.  He voted for Tracy.  Un.  Be.  Lievable.  I still think he's too paranoid and too much of a power glutton to go very far in this game....but we'll see.  So far, the Fans aren't filling me with a lot of confidence as to their staying power.  I think we might end up having an all Favs finale. 

 

Later gators,

Heather

Ok kids, it’s that time of year again.  Time for another season of the second best show on ever – Survivor.  I’m a huge fan, in case you didn’t know.  The Hubby and I have been watching this show since the beginning….not sure why it is so mesmerizing.  Probably that rubber-necking/car crash mentality of watching people freak out and crumble and starve and go a little Lord of the Flies when they’re forced to “survive”.  If you’ve never seen this show before, or if you’ve never read this blog before – be warned.  I give everybody nicknames, if the tribe names are dumb I make up new ones.  I’m terrible with names….so it’s basically an easy way for me to remember who I’m talking about…..but it might be confusing if you’re not used to it.

 

This time round, we’re in Micronesia.  For those of you who don’t know….and that may be more of you than care to admit it, Micronesia is a collection of islands (like the Philippines) in the western Pacific.  Ok, you’re looking a map and from top to bottom you have China, Indonesia, Papua New Guinea, and Australia.  Got it?  Micronesia is just to the right of Papua New Guinea.  So anyway, the twist this season is that it’s fans versus favorites.  I am skeptical about the favorites part because their definition of favorite and my definition are not usually the same….but we’ll see. 

 

So the Fans are being rowed in to the island and Jeffy poo is talking about how they are all Fans, adventure of a lifetime, blah blah blah.  I think the Fans angle is a good idea.  At least these people will sort of have a clue what’s going on….but that hasn’t always meant that they are automatically good at this game.  Plenty of people have claimed to be fans in the past and then on the first day taken over the pushy-“leader”-sacrificial lamb role.  And anybody who’s ever watched this show should know you keep your mouth shut on the first day and don’t piss anybody off because someone is bound to and if it’s not you, you’re good.  Any fan should know that….but actually putting a game plan into action is sometimes different than coming up with the game plan.  You know what I mean?

 

So the fans all make it to the island.  Let’s get introduced…some of them may not have nicknames yet because they didn’t speak or are thusfar too boring for me to take the time and energy to come up with something creative….but apparently, one of our Fans also makes up nicknames.  Huh.  I like him already.  Mikey B gives us a few nicknames which bodes well for him I think.  He’s an aspiring actor/write, so let’s interpret that to mean unemployed.  Other than coming up with a few nicknames, we didn’t get much from him…so I’ll hold off on his nickname.

 

Alexis is a motivational speaker................m'kay.  Chet is in customer service or pharmacy work or something like that.  Chet was the name of the big brother in the movie Weird Science.  So let’s call him that.  Erik runs track and rock climbs, he goes to Eastern Michigan, and they have him listed as an Ice Cream Scooper which is just about the dumbest sounding job I have ever heard of.  He looks like Shaun White (snowboarder called the Flying Tomato because of his ridiculous stunts and flaming red hair) even though Erik is not a redhead.  I can’t get over Ice Cream Scooper though, so let’s call him that.  Jason is a gymnastics coach.  And it says in his bio that he worked as a nude model for some college art department.  Ok.  I don’t think he said more than two words the whole episode, so we’ll have to wait for his nickname.  Joel is a firefighter (NICE!!) and he is huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge.  Mikey B calls him the Hulk, which is a pretty good nickname, so we’ll call him that until I come up with something better.  Kathleen is from Wisconsin and is the beer girl on some golf course.  That sounds like a fun job.  We’ll get to this soon, but Kathleen can’t keep her mouth shut.  Kind of like Kathy Griffith but in a completely unentertaining way.  The other contestants call her Crazy Lady.  Heehee.  That sounds good, let’s go with that.  I don’t think she’s gonna be around for very long.  Mary owns a real estate company, so you know she could use the money.  She’s pretty, but other than that…I got nothing.  Natalie is a personal trainer/bartender.  Her last name is Bolton.  You know.  Like the singer.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Tracy is a ‘residential builder’….I’m not sure if that means she owns a company or she actually pounds nails in to the side of a house….but the Hubby helpfully pointed out that she has huge fake boobs.  Kind of like Pay Per View from last season.  We’ll wait on her too, I’m not sure if I’m gonna like her or not. 

 

Now for the Favorites.  You should all remember these people.  I’ll give you their old nicknames, if they had any.  First up is Topless Amanda from China.  Later in the season she became Blurry Butt Amanda.  Let’s go with Blurry Butt, that’s still the funniest.  I like Amanda, I thought she was pretty good strategy wise.  We’ll see.  Next up is Ami from Vanuatu.  I wasn’t writing a blog then, so I’ll tell you what I remember about Ami.  Nothing.  Except I think she’s a lesbian….not sure if that’s right.  Then we have Cirie from Panama.  Cirie was pretty good if I remember correctly.  I think she was one of those fly-under-the-radar people.  Eliza was on the Vanuatu season and I definitely remember her being a good player, getting scary thin and being really annoying.  Last up is Parvati from Cook Islands.  I never know how to really pronounce her name, because everyone says it differently, including Jeffy poo.  So I suggest we call her Havarti.  Like the cheese.  She is by far and away the Hubby’s favorite I think.  As for the boys – first and foremost is James the grave digger, otherwise known as Cutey Pie because he absolutely gorgeous.  He is by far and away my favorite….just for the drool factor.  He did make one of the dumbest plays in Survivor history by not using one of two immunity idols he had and as a result got voted off.  But hey.  Did I mention, he’s gorgeous.  Jonathan from Cook Islands is memorable because he was the one who mutinied.  He was pretty good.  He a New Yorker.  He’s a writer/producer for Tv and film so you know he has nothing better to do right now.  Yau-man is there, he was on the Fiji season.  He’s a bit gullible but for being 112 years old he lasted a long time during that season.  The website says he’s 55 or 56 depending on which one you go to.  Don’t believe it for a second people.  This guy is like one of those ninja monks who live in the Himalayas….you know what I mean...ageless.  Ozzie is there, and I thought he was one of the best survivors ever even though he lost to Yul.  Not for strategy but for literally surviving.  He’s from the Cook Islands season.  He can swim like a fish and climb trees and generally do anything.  He’s awesome.  Except he cut his hair, I liked it better when it was longer.  He’s adorable too by the way.  Last and pretty much least is Jonny Fairplay from the Pearl Islands season.  The hated villain.  Hated because he is a masterful liar.  You may remember the infamous dead grandmother story.  But he also a whining little weasel.  You may remember the Danny Bonaduce “altercation” during the Reality TV awards.  I’ve never liked this guy….which probably means he’s a great TV personality.  Whether you love ‘em or hate ‘em….as long you care, they’ll always be popular. 

 

So that’s our cast.  The Fans get to the beach.  Jeffy poo introduces the Favorites.  And then starts sniping at Jonny Fairplay about his wardrobe and giving us all the distinct impression that rumors of their mutual hatred are more than accurate.  Now, as if on cue, the torrential downpour starts.  And if I’ve never mentioned it, a rain-drenched Jeffy poo is pretty easy on the eyes….So here are the team names – Airai and Malakal.  What?  What the hell does that mean?  I think I’ll call them Airheads and Malarkey.  I can remember that much easier.  So the first task is swim/walking through the waist deep ocean cove to the other beach where there are boats with maps and an individual immunity idol for each team.  This idol is only good for the first tribal council that each team goes to….huh….that’s new.  So off they go.  Ozzie and the Scooper lead the way.  Fairplay sees the Idol milliseconds before Yau-man, but our little ninja monk body slams Fairplay and gets the idol.  I’m sure there’s gonna be a felony assault investigation opened in this case as well….Crazy Lady gets the other idol when Yau points it out to her.  Now everyone is off to their respective beaches.  So we start off with the Airheads.

 

Introductions all around.  Mikey B tells us about Big Bird, the Hulk, the Southern Princess and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.  Hahahaha.  Crazy Lady then immediately starts sticking her foot in her mouth by asking Weird Science (Chet) if he would rather be called gay or homosexual.  <long pause>  What kind of question is that?  If you’re not going to introduce your friends by saying, hey this is my straight heterosexual friend Courtney,  then why would it matter?  Then…she asks him if being gay means he wants to be a girl.  <even longer pause>  What’s wrong with this woman?  Seriously.  Being curious and saying you don’t want to offend someone is nice and all…..but extreme ignorance is always a bit offensive…..it just is….Then Crazy Lady starts talking about Tracy’s fake boobs.  She’s never seen breast implants up close, and she’s literally staring at them.  The Hubby says, I gotta try that line.  HAHAHA.  He’s hysterical….Crazy Lady is obviously the odd man out, so to speak.  There’s always one person that just doesn’t fit in.  One weirdo.  But she’s got the immunity idol….which is probably why they had that twist this year, to give the weirdos a chance. 

 

Back at Malarkey, and Cutey Pie is already hard at work showing off that beautiful body of his.  He says its nice having everyone on the team work hard.  Ozzie already has fish or something.  Everybody is eating and the shelter is practically built.  So Havarti and Cutey Pie already have their eyes on each other.  How adorable.  Did I mention I hate her?  No, I’m just kidding, good on her for having taste.  I’m not sure if that’s gonna be a powerhouse strategy team though….they need to align themselves with some Thinkers.  Speaking of power couples, Blurry Butt is talking up Ozzie right now….hmmmm….Ozzie is a close second to Cutey Pie, no question.  So everybody is hooking up.  Meanwhile….Eliza is sitting there in the dark thinking all these alliances can’t be good for me….

 

The first alliance officially formed without locking lips is Yau, Eliza, Ami and Jonathan.  Eliza points out that the Beautiful People have already apparently formed an alliance and so…who is left but Jonny Fairplay.  Um…..what about Cirie?  I’d rather have her than Fairplay, she’s much easier to manipulate.  And when did five out of ten become a majority?  So Fairplay is playing both sides right off the bat, with both alliances using him as the swing vote and nobody talking about Cirie.  Ridiculous.  Day 3 and Malarkey has fire, food and shelter.  Meanwhile, the Airheads have practically nothing.  Time for the immunity challenge.  Treemail mentions the shows has been on for 16 seasons….good Lord….has it really?  That’s about right though…there are two a year.  So it’s an obstacle course, they have to put puzzle wheels together, put the wheels on the cart, push the cart through obstacles, find the buried planks to make the rest of a bridge, get the cart over the bridge and take apart the wheels and put the puzzle pieces in some other contraption which starts a fire…you know how it goes. 

 

So the Airheads get off to an immediate head start.  Malarkey, for some reason can’t get their puzzle wheels together.  The Airheads are way in front, when Malarkey finally gets their cart moving and then almost immediately they slam their cart into a tree or something…and Eliza goes flying.  OUCH!!  That really looked like it hurt.  But Eliza just toughs it out.  For no good reason, the Aireheads win.  Which I think is great for the show….you wouldn’t want the Favorites to just roll over the Fans….even with all their apparent advantages.  So now it’s a real competition.

 

Back at camp and Malarkey is talking about how much it sucks to lose.  And then they start talking about who to vote off.  Yau has immunity.  The Beautiful People want to vote off Eliza.  The Leftovers want to vote out Havarti because they think she can control James….ok.  And then Fairplay says something very perplexing – he wants to go home.  Huh?  I don’t get it, what’s the play?  What's he getting at?  Who’s he trying to manipulate?  It seems kind of early to be throwing this stuff out there….unless he’s trying to prove to these people that he’s here to win.  But to put their backs up so early.  Someone is about to get screwed….and some of those people are going to be on the jury…..<shaking my head>…..I just don’t get it. 

 

Now we’re off to tribal council.  Hellooooooooo Jeffy poo.  Jeffy immediately asks his normal psychology couch questions – how is everybody?  And Fairplay keeps up with the “worried about his girlfriend” sob story.  I still don’t get it.  Jeffy wants to know if he’s quitting and Fairplay says no, they’re still going to vote and Jeffy says, yeah we’re going to vote.  As if to say, don’t tell me how to play this game you moron.  HAHAHAHAHA.  Everybody seems confused and skeptical about Fairplay’s sentiments.  Jonathan obviously thinks he wants to go home.  Cutey Pie obviously doesn’t.  We’ll see. 

 

Its’ time to vote.  Once the votes are read, the decision is final.  The person voted out will have to leave the tribal council area immediately.  And I can’t really make this dramatic, because all of the votes were for Fairplay.  The first one voted out.  Unbelievable.  Either it was a scam that went horribly horribly wrong or the boy who cried wolf….finally really did see that wolf.  He’s going to be a papa and that always makes guys crazy….so maybe….just maybe…..he’s changing.  Time will tell.

 

The Hubby as is his routine, fast forwarded to the end and deleted the whole thing before I got to see the previews for next week….but I’ll be watching.  I think this is gonna be a pretty good season.  As long as the Fans don’t turn out to be total duds.

 

Later gators,

Heather