I have been in mourning gentle reader.  In mourning over my Capitals.  The last game was a heart breaker.  We looked awful.  Varly the Kid was pulled out of the goal after giving up four.  Everybody looked off.  So depressing.  What a terrible way to go out….and to all teams, it had to be the Pens.  So depressing.  Anyway, I have been very lax in my duties to this blog and I apologize.  Still don’t have internet access at work….so I have had to…you know…..work while I’m there.  Instead of do this….

Last week we found out who would be in the finals.  The show starts with Ben Stiller shilling his new movie ‘Night at the Museum 2’.  It’s probably a cute movie, in that really retarded way some cute movies have about them.  But if I ever see it, it’ll be on DVD.  Ryan is wearing a gray suit and a shiny tie.  He tells us that just over 1 million votes separates the top two.  Huh.  The kiddies are already out of stage sitting in the Stools of Fate.  <chuckle>  Randy looks like the purple people eater.  Kara is wearing some trashy lace thing.  Paula looks like a cowgirl in a black lace up number.  And Simon is wearing his somber grey.  Jordin Sparks and Katy Perry are singing tonight.  Woo.  Hoo.

We start with this week’s Ford music video commercial horror show.  Ironman, Dramadama and Kermit are all cartoons.  The commercial is to the song ‘Break My Stride’….it’s creepy.  As usual.  Then Alicia Keys comes out to talk about Idol Gives Back and beg for money…since they didn’t have a charity show this year.  She is so pretty.  Now they bring out a kid from Rwanda.  His name is Noah and he is singing ‘I’m The World’s Greatest’ and unless you have no soul and your heart is a black ice cold stone in your chest….this was very sweet.  The kid is jumping and dancing all over the stage, so excited to be there.  He learned to sing the song in English in one week.  He shakes all of the judges hands….awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww….so adorable.  Alicia commands us to text our donations in….hey.  Wait just one minute.  She’s not singing too?!?!?!  What the hell is going on here?!?!?!?

Seacrest talks about the Summer Tour.  Again.  We know already, enough about the stupid tour!  So Ironman comes out on stage and we get to hear about his trip home to Milwaukee.  He got to see Jamar.  You remember this guy, right?  His best bud from the tryouts.  He talks about going from tragedy to triumph.  Remember, he’s a widow.  A recent widow.  He goes on the morning news, radio shows, the mayor announces that it’s Gokey Day in Milwaukee….which is hysterical because a Gokey doesn’t sound like a good thing.  And there’s a parade.  Some random kid thinks Ironman is the best because he’s cute, he has good glasses (as opposed to bad, kids know more than you think) and he lives in Milwaukee.  That’s called being a homer kid.  Way to go.  He’s crying….and there are a TON of people gathered to hear him sing.  He got to throw out a pitch at the baseball game.  He calls it a bittersweet homecoming.  I bet….Ryan recaps his singing.  And then tells him to sit down, shut up….and wait.  In the Stools of Fate.

Now we get to see Kermit go home.  To Conway Arkansas.  Arkansas?  Huh.  We drove through Arkansas once on our way somewhere else.  All I can remember is it smelled weird.  And by weird, I mean bad.  Anyway, we find out that he gets free cheese dip for life from his favorite restaurant.  Free cheese dip?  Well, you know you’ve made it now Kermit.  He goes on the news, does a radio show and performs at the Riverfest Ampitheater.  His poppa is very proud.  Proud poppas are the best, aren’t they?  He sings at the University of Central Arkansas.  I’m watching all this go on and all I can wonder is….how long is that wife of his gonna last?  I know I’m a cynic, but Daughtry’s wife didn’t last too long after he made it big.  I feel kind of bad for in her….but not really.  He sings in Simon Park…..irony?  He tells the crowd that they have changed his life.  Yes, yes they have.  Seacrest recaps his singing.  Now SIT!  In the Stools of Fate.

We get a break now with Jordin Sparks singing ‘Battlefield’.  Ryan Tedder co-wrote the song and is playing the piano.  I wish he was singing.  She looks amazing.  The song kind of grew on me after a while…but I really just wanted to listen to Tedder playing the piano.  Pretty good….I didn’t fast forward through it, which is a good sign.

Now Drama goes home to San Diego.  Some girl streaked across the stage….except she didn’t really look naked.  I didn’t see any unnatural blurring going on.  She was just in her bra.  What a fraidy cat…..if you’re gonna do something like that, do it right.  He goes on a morning news show too, and the woman co-anchor was totally hysterical.  He does a radio show too.  And then he goes to the Met, a theater group he was in as a kid.  And he talks to the kids, which was kind of cute.  He said it was a big full circle moment….ok.  Then he goes to Mt. Carmel high school.  And then the Marine Corps Air Station….or something.  I may have gotten that wrong.  I don’t think his parents live in San Diego….why didn’t he see them?  Anyway, Ryan recaps his singing and then tells him to park it.  In the Stools of Fate.

Katy Perry sings.  The song is called ‘Waking Up in Vegas’….which conjures up all kinds of nightmarish scenarios.  Cause you don’t really sleep much in Vegas.  She has the buggy eyes that give me the eebie geebies…..the song gets a little annoying too.  She has a very very weird outfit on.  But hey, it’s Vegas baby. 

So 88 million votes were cast.  Good golly miss molly, don’t you people have anything better to do?!?!?!    And now, it’s go-time.  Finally time for the results.  Finally time to get the kiddies off the very uncomfortable looking Stools of Fate.  The first person competing next week is <dramatic pause>  Kris.  WHAT?!?!?  NO WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY?!?!  I did not see that coming.  They surprise me on this show, all the time.  Pleasantly surprise me….how nice.  I like Kermit…he might be my favorite right now.  And then without much ado, Seacrest announces that Drama is competing against him.  Time to say goodbye to Danny boy.  We see his Idol Journey and relive a lot of the moments he had on the show.  And now he has to sing – You Are So Beautiful.  With a brave smile, he says goodbye.  The finale is set – Drama versus Kermit.  Simon calls the finale show a big ding dong….<sigh>….I guess that’s British for a good thing. 

Later gators,

Heather