It’s summer and it has finally….finally stopped raining.  Now it’s time to endure the humidity that this loverly state washes over us.

 

 

I often wonder if my life would be easier if I didn’t speak or understand English and I always come to the same conclusion.  Yes.

 

 

My cat ran into the sliding glass door yesterday.  She was chasing a squirrel that was sitting on the deck.  Then she barfed on the floor.

 

 

Heather is a purple flower.  It would be nice to own a Heather plant, but every time I buy one it dies.  And I feel like a huge failure.

 

 

Are you ever really thinking something when someone asks you what you’re thinking?  Me either.  I’m just waiting for that person to go away.

 

 

My drug dealing neighbor asked me last week if that was my car parked in his space.  Then he pulled all the weeds out of his front yard.

 

 

I watched Cemetery Man on demand because I haven’t seen it in a million years.  I couldn’t remember how it ended.  Good movie.

 

 

There is a map of this office on the cube wall where I am sitting.  It’s really out of date.  I think I’ll make a new map.  <smile>

 

 

I miss my sister.  She is the only person on this planet who knows what I mean when I’m not saying anything.  Colorado sounds nice.

 

 

The computer runs really slow when it’s updating.  Then it reboots.  Maybe I should start doing that too.  I’ll tell people I’m narcoleptic.

 

 

I was going to carve a watermelon like a pumpkin and make up a pretend holiday to celebrate the monsoons.  Then it stopped raining.

 

 

The invite to my 15 year high school reunion popped up in facebook.  I’m pretty sure the only people who go to the reunion are the ones who

 

 

Organize it.

 

 

I was wondering how long I could go having thoughts in 140 characters or less.  Maybe if I used the texting fake English or stopped putting

 

 

spaces in between my words I could fit more in there.  But I think that truncating, filtering, shortening, paraphrasing and hyphenating

 

 

one’s life is probably a good sign that the zombie apocalypse is not far off.  It will probably eventually start causing people to

 

 

communicate using grunts and pointing at things.  Our brains will be pureed into mush, we'll devolve into monosyllabic Neanderthals.

 

 

But that probably won’t happen until after Public Enemies comes out in theaters.  Johnny Depp is so hooooooooooooooooooooooootttttttttttttt.

 

 

 

Later gators,

Heather

It’s a gloomy, rainy day.  I can tell even before I open my eyes.  I don’t think it’s natural for human beings to be awake and alert before the sun rises.  The house is dark and spooky in these pre-dawn hours and the Pumpkin is trying desperately to trip me as I walk down the stairs to pour myself the first of eight thousand cups of coffee I plan to drink today.  You see….today is Staff Meeting Day in Audit-Land.  That’s right, gentle reader, the day you all look forward to every year with bated breath and palsy-like fidgets.  You look forward to it….I do not.  This year, Staff Meeting Day has been scheduled to take place in loverly Catonsville which is approximately a million miles away from Germantown.  And with the cost of gas inexplicably rising while all these car companies are going out of business….I will have to pay waaaaaaaaaay more than I think is appropriate to attend this shindig.  And it’s raining.  Did I mention that already?  Yeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh….I hate long commutes in the rain.  That’s not really precisely accurate.  I hate other people driving long commutes in the rain with me.  If I was on the road by myself, it might be kind of peaceful.  This will not be.  This will be a nightmare and that is the only thing prodding my eyelids open at this ungodly hour. 

 

I will not recap the road rage filled trek across the state for you people because it will only make me crazy delirious again.  So let’s skip ahead and say that I made it to the community college in Catonsville where the Staff will be Meeting.  I am, naturally, the first person there.  Awesome.  Some peace and quiet before the Coworkers arrive.  Thanks to the 16 cups of coffee I have already consumed, I decide finding a bathroom soon would probably be prudent.  So, I make my way inside out of the rain and the gloom and the doom into the humid mugginess that is some old dank college building.  Ok….so I am slightly exaggerating…..it was a nice building, don’t get me wrong.  I was just in a foul mood.  If I had been happy, the building would have seemed nicer.  The catering people are already in the room and I wait as patiently as possible for them to get the hell out of the way of the coffee urn before I start filling these little teeny elf cups full of some more joe.  Who in the world drinks coffee like this…out of little teeny tiny elf cups?  So anyway, the Coworkers start filing in and jabbering away and I am as social as my current caffeine level will allow.  I am very proud of myself for scoping out and claiming the best seat in the room….until someone (I forget who) announces this is not in fact the room where we will be Meeting.  This is the room where we will be Eating.  <pause>  What now?  So I’m the jerk that put all her stuff down on a chair for absolutely no reason.  Fabulous.

 

The Meeting Room is an auditorium.  The lights are not on because the community college people think we can see in the dark.  You know, cause most auditors have magical powers.  Mine is the ability to mesmerize people with my abnormally large pumpkin head.  When these people finally figure out where the light switch is, I see that there are plenty of ideal seat options in here and am slightly less enraged than I was about thirty seconds earlier….that lasted for oh……another 12 seconds…..before someone else (I forget who) announces that we are not allowed to eat or drink in this auditorium.  <pause>  What now?  What’s this?  What are you trying to tell me?  Um.  No coffee?  Are you serious?  What am I, 8 years old?  I think I can manage drinking some coffee without spewing it out all over the seats in front of me.  Come on with your ridiculous rules.  I hate this place.  Now I really hate this place.  Coffee haters.

 

So, as per usual, Staff Meeting Day is going to begin with about four hours of useless training.  Today we are learning how to manage our time.  Nice.  Just what I need…..someone to explain to me how easy it is to clone myself……or build a time machine…..or slow the rotation of the Earth so there are more hours in the day.  Maybe this moron will hypnotize us so we stop caring about our families and friends and personal hygiene and start shirking our responsibilities?  That will make it much easier to manage my time.  So, just as I am in the middle of a thought about going back in time to change professions before they sucked the soul out of me in business school, New Guy sits down in front of me.  Just plops himself down in the row in front of me….but he’s already looking at me with that expectant “I’m going to be talking to you in a minutes, get ready” look on his face.  <sigh>  Fine. 

 

New Guy:  Hi, I’m Kevin.

Me: Hi Kevin, I’m Heather.

 

I hope it doesn’t surprise you that I introduced myself, gentle reader.  I’m not a rude person.  I am merely disenchanted with the world and everybody in it.  I don’t really recall what this Kevin person was saying after he introduced himself because I’m not really capable of active listening while being so ridiculously decaffeinated.  He asked me how long I’d worked in Audit-Land…blah blah blah.  All the normal questions creepy Newbies usually have….but then somebody else walked over and handed Kevin an ear piece.

 

<pause>

 

Oh no.

 

 

 

Oh dear Lord….if you ever loved me just a little bit please please please don’t make this Kevin person the <shiver> Trainer.  I just assumed he worked in Audit-Land….why the hell else would he have been talking to me?  I’ll tell you why, because he’s an evil sadistic “Audience Participation” trainer.  He’s needy that way.  Now, the pleasant sort of nice smile I had on my face has turned into a pursed lip not quite mean looking scowl. 

 

Trickster: I’m teaching the class.

Heather:  Yeah.  I figured that out when they didn’t give me an ear piece too.

Trickster: Do you have a couple minutes to talk about your job?

[Uh no.]

Heather: What do you want to know?

Trickster: Tell me what some of the challenges you face…..blah blah blah……

 

I am absolutely furious at this point.  Everybody knows that one of the golden rules of Training Class is to stay as far away from the Trainer as possible.  They may as well have the plague.  You never look at them.  And you certainly don’t….<shiver>…..talk to them!  And look at me now.  Dancing with the devil.  This is going to end very very badly.  The evil interviewing dancing devil takes a break for a few seconds to check his mic at which point I decided I was going to need a lot more coffee before this thing got started….so I ran out of the auditorium.

 

Time to get this party started.  The Newbies are introduced, forced to stand and wave and act really uncomfortable with an auditorium full of judgmental auditors staring at them.  And now it’s time for the Time Lord to start the torture.  He informs us right off the bat that the purpose of time management is to eliminate problems and distractions that get in the way of success.

 

Distraction: Feel good about yourself.

Heather: [I already do.]

Distraction: Some things that are common sense are not common practice.

Heather: [Yeah, like not talking to the god***n trainer.]

Distraction: I am a recovering perfectionist.

Heather: [ugh]

Distraction: I often tell people to hit a bag with a stick.

Heather: [Thanks Doctor Phil.]

 

Hang on a second…he’s calling on people!  This is a nightmare.  But then, I already knew this was that kind of trainer.  The kind that calls on people randomly…except this won’t be totally random, will it?  On no.  I have already doomed myself to inevitable.

 

Satan: So Heather, what do you think is a reason…..blah blah blah.

Heather: [panicking that now the auditorium full of judgmental auditors is looking at me while my massive and somewhat disproportionately sized pumpkin head is turning bright bright red.] Uhhhhhhhhhhhh…..something that sounds like a sort of reasonable answer to me in my head while I was saying it but was more than likely total nonsense.

 

Oh no….he di-idn’t.  This is completely unacceptable.  I am quite obviously sitting in the Do Not Call On Me I Don’t Want To Participate row of the auditorium.  What planet is this guy from?  I need gallons of coffee to make it through this day and the stupid rules in this Chamber of Doom forbid it.  And then Satan says some really ridiculous things….

1.      You shouldn’t complain.

2.      Is the point to life to get everything done?

3.      Email can kill you.

4.      Slow down the speed of your mind.

 

Ok, let’s point out the faulty logic here.  Complaining is therapeutic.  If I don’t write this stuff down it would infect everything I do.  Yes, the point to life is to get everything done.  I would haunt this world for eternity if I did not finish my to-do list before I die.  But that may be the OCD talking.  Email can’t kill….but the stupid morons sending that email could definitely do some permanent damage.  Slow down the speed of my mind?  To what end?  I can keep up with it; how’s it  my fault if nothing else can.  <smile>

 

So, in between finding typos in his Powerpoint presentation (he wrote ‘your’ instead of you’re) and powering up the jedi mind tricks to keep him from calling on me again, I start falling asleep.  Then he suggests that we stop caring if people like us.  Check.  Delegate as much as possible.  Not a good idea.  I’d end up with t-shirts in the dishwasher if I did that at home.  Schedule a meeting with yourself.  Because now we’re all schizophrenic.  And then my favorite – eat the ugly frog.

 

Ok, this is some kind of meaningful advice about overcoming procrastination.  You eat the frog first thing.  You get it over with.  And if there is more than one….you eat the ugly one first.  This is the most inane totally irrelevant nonsense I have ever heard….I love it when people try to associate things like this with advice.  But I have to admit….I’m going to start saying it to people.  All the time.  Eat the ugly frog….and nod in a knowing way that makes them think they should know what I’m talking about but they have no idea what I’m talking about…..but they don’t want to ask and look stupid….so they just nod, yeah….eat the ugly frog.  Heeheehee.

 

Satan called on me one more time, because I apparently wasn’t in the room when he wanted to talk to me….and then he pointed at me later but didn’t call on me.  Awful, awful awfulness.  And then it’s time for lunch.

 

And that’s over way too quick.  The three people in this office that I can talk to without wincing were at least talking to me at this point….so no one else would.  Now it’s time for the barrel of laughs portion of the meeting.  The Update from Audit-Land.

 

Here’s how the Update went.  You’re not getting any more money next year, but rah rah we sure do appreciate all your hard work and you’re welcome for having a job.  I am so motivated right now I could just stab myself in the neck with this pen…………Seriously?  We probably could have used some ‘Motivational Speaking’ training.  Forget this time management nonsense.  So anyhoo…moving along.  Now all the divisional dictators get to remind us what happened during the last six months.  Here’s a quick play by play.  The Social Committee is recruiting everyone for Auditor Gone Wild behavior such as attending baseball games and cancer walks.  I think the Social Committee needs some kind of uniform.  And maybe pom poms.  The discussion forum that I am moderating for the Office….and by moderating I mean posting notes to myself…..is a total failure.  We will have to fill out some kind of employment satisfaction survey in the future and let everyone know how happy we are to have jobs.  At this point during the Update….the audience mumbling has become a distraction.  I’m not terribly sure people realize we are sitting in an auditorium with excellent acoustics…but whatever.  The three thousand other committees that the Office has deemed necessary are all doing very important things that I don’t feel like repeating.  We’ve done a lot of audits.  And the scary paranoid IT Director informed us that if we don’t turn in our non-encrypted flash drives so they can be burned into ash we will suffer dire consequences.  I totally believe him when he says this.  Of course there were a lot of other topics reviewed that I cannot expound on for you gentle reader because it is top secret Auditing Business.

 

But I do have to talk about one more thing.  We had a retirement party at the end of the meeting.  And by party I mean Grumblybert “roasted” the retiree.  This was slightly uncomfortable because no one in our Office really understands Grumblybert’s comedy genius.  I am fairly certain he is being funny 75% of the time…but no one really knows for sure.  The roasting made some people uncomfortable, which is awesome.  I love a train wreck just as much as the next person.  Or rather, in this case…more than anybody else in the audience.  Retireebert took it all in with a grain of salt, apparently appeased by the knowledge that he is almost outta here.  I’m not sure I will miss him…but I am sure I will have a lot less to complain about.  And complaining is the fire that gets me up in the morning so farewell Retireebert.  No “roasting” from me.  Enjoy your life outside of Audit-Land.  Cheers.  And all that.

 

Then it was over…almost before it began.  Now I am driving home from loverly Catonsville in the dreary gloomy rain, already forgetting pretty much all of the names of the Newbies who got introduced at the beginning of the day.  But let me be quite clear Newbies.  I will not be speaking to any of you.  Ever.  On the off chance you’re actually an evil audience participation Trainer, I will not be a party to your reindeer games. M’kay?

 

Later gators,

Heather

I am working in Rockville now, gentle reader.  Disconnected from the world.  I have no internet access here, and it is driving me maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.  I would like to say that it has been a relief to be unavailable to the world.  I would like to say that I enjoy going back to a simpler time when we had dial-up and getting on the internet was such a drag.  I would like to say that I have more important things to do….like appreciate nature or read a book…..than be on the internet.  This is sadly not the case.  Apparently, when I don’t answer my mother’s e-mails promptly (within 24 hours) she assumes that I am dead.  That’s a fun conversation to have with one of your parents –

 

Mom: Why don’t you answer my e-mails?

Me: Because I don’t have internet access on my job anymore.

Mom: Why don’t you answer my e-mails when you get home?

Me: Because I have other stuff to do.

Mom: I thought something had happened to you.  You worry me.

Me: Wait a minute mom, I think my experiment worked.

Mom: What are you talking about?

Me:  Hang on mom, I have to check something.

Mom: <sigh>

Me: I was trying to prove that I would I die if I didn’t e-mail my mother constantly.  And it worked.  I’m dead.  You’re speaking to a dead person.  You can save the guilt and passive aggression because it is ineffective on dead people.

Mom: Stop being a smart ass.  You’re just like your father.

 

I am currently auditing a courthouse in Rockville.  I don’t think I said that before and I’m too lazy to read what I just wrote.  Working in a courthouse is like being on the pirate ship in the fish tank and watching all the crazy guppies swim by.  You get all types in a courthouse.  ALL types.  Lots of men in uniform.  Which hasn’t been that bad….I saw a Sheriff’s car get towed the other day.  And for some reason that bothered me.  Listen, I know some of you out there think cops shouldn’t get away with speeding and free parking and all that….but seriously?  They get shot at.  And yes, I think that warrants some free parking.  Save your quarters, copper. 

 

I was rather dismayed to learn that I would need yet another ID badge to enter the courthouse every day and bypass the x-ray machine, etc.  I think I would rather turn on my laptop and my cell phone and empty my purse and twirl around three times every day for courthouse security if it would mean that I don’t have to look at this ridiculous picture of myself on this ridiculous badge.  I don’t know if the guy taking the picture had a wide-angle lens because I don’t remember him being this close to my face but my pumpkin-sized head fills the entire picture window on the badge.  And it is a perfect circle.  I look like a character out of South Park.  It amazes me that I can stand up in the morning with this bowling ball on my shoulders….it amazes me that I don’t just fall over backwards. 

 

Here’s a travel tip for those of you who don’t normally drive through loverly Rockville on a regular basis.  If you need to park in this city expect to pay an arm and a leg.  It costs more to park here than it does in Ballmer.  Of course, you’re not dodging crack heads here like you would be in Ballmer….so maybe you pay a premium for that.  One of the pathetic joys in my life right now has been chronicling the trials and tribulations of the Parking Booth Man.  I have decided to park in a street lot behind the courthouse and because my OCD habits will not allow me to deviate from a routine once it has been established, this is where I park every day.  And every day, Parking Booth Man is having some kind of problem.  I imagine that the Parking Lot Company does not pay him nearly enough for all the stress and agony this job apparently causes him.  One day, I drove in and the ticket spitter was broken and Parking Booth Man was attempting to fix it by kicking it repeatedly….and I full well on intended to just sit in my car and watch this fiasco unfold, but I must have made him self-conscious because he turned and looked at my car idling in the turn-in for the lot and started flailing his arms around like an epileptic air traffic controller.  I interpreted his somewhat aggressive arm gestures to mean that I was to drive through without taking a ticket.  This does not concern me, because I stay all day and so I would have to pay the full rate regardless but I sooooooooooo wanted to watch the meltdown.  The kicking must have worked, by the way, because the ticket spitter was back to spitting out tickets the next morning.

 

Last week the Parking Booth Man was having issues making change for people.  I have deduced from my extremely amazing observation skills, that this is probably because he sits in a claustrophobically small stifling hot poorly constructed ticket booth all day sucking in exhaust fumes.  The seat in the booth is too tall and the window is too low, so you can’t really see Parking Booth Man in his booth….you can just hear him mumbling and cursing in his make believe parking lot language.  In Parking Lot Land, I assume that a twenty dollar bill looks exactly the same as a tenner.  I assume this, because on this particular day last week, I handed Parking Booth Man a brand new crisp clean twenty dollar bill spit freshly out of the outrageously priced ATM in the courthouse (because I don’t carry cash normally) and after I got a receipt and no change and sat there for about thirty seconds….I realized he must have thought he gave me change.  So I asked for change.  This was not some kind of confrontation….don’t worry.  And even if it had been a confrontation, I am fairly certain I could annihilate Parking Booth Man with a swift head butt from the pumpkin noggin.  No…there was none of that.  There was just Parking Booth Man….confused and turning this way and that on his too tall swivel stool in the booth, making confused grunts and noises and getting increasingly agitated about something until he was wildly flailing his arms around again.  At this point…..I am trying………….really really hard…………not to laugh.  I am nervous that my laughter at this point, because it would be uncontrollable, would cause the Parking Booth Man to spontaneously combust.  It’s been known to happen, people.  And then who would entertain me everyday….really.  So I suppress the urge to start the jiggledy giggledies.  And wait.  And wait.   And wait….for Parking Booth Man to pull it together.  After his loud and angry monologue, none of which I got because again he was speaking in that parking booth language that I don’t understand….and he’s like sitting three feet above the car window, after that he takes a deep breath, hands me my change and says in the sweetest voice I have ever heard, have a good day.

 

Oh.  I already have Parking Booth Man.  I already have.  Thanks.

 

I have recently become addicted to orange flavored lifesaver mints.  I eat them all the time now.  They must put heroin in these things because I cannot stop munching them….and yes, I am one of those people that eats mints.  There is nothing worse than listening to someone sucking on a mint….except maybe someone walking behind you, or listening to people eating or drinking, or people doing something else that is annoying.  Nothing worse.  I eat the mints….which is probably why I go through so many a day.  You know, I figured the coffee and cigs weren’t rotting the teeth out of my head fast enough and so I figured….what would your dentist suggest?  Besides no more nicotine or caffeine…..<shaking my head>……he would suggest no sugar.  And because I concluded long ago that my dentist is the devil incarnate, I will do the opposite and coat my rotting teeth in lifesaver fake sugar all day.  That’s the ticket.  I should have a new set of bionic teeth implanted into my gums by the time I turn 50.

 

I was stunned and relieved to learn that there is still reality TV on over the summer….besides Big Brother which I can’t really watch because it’s on like every 18 hours or something….and I always miss an episode because there is no rhyme nor reason to the stupid schedule.  There was a new show on this week called….I’m not lying….. “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here.”  AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  There was very little entertainment involved in this show….mainly because I don’t watch the Hills and had no idea who this Spencer person is…..the Hubby informed me that all the kids watch that show.  <sigh>  Ok.  There was Stephen Baldwin, Lou Diamond Phillips, a female wrestler, some comedians, Janet Dickenson, Blajogedvich’s (no I’m sure that’s not the way you spell that name) wife and Sanjaya.  That’s all I can remember.  It was a train wreck.  Lots of Hollywood religion, catfights, defending impeached husbands and melodrama.  They force the celebrities to live out in the middle of nowhere, to eat bugs and touch snakes, etc.  Very Survivor-esque.  Except with people that very clearly do not want to be there….I don’t think I will continue to watch this show….but if you’re suffering from reality withdrawal, this should get you by.

 

Also watched the MTV movie awards last weekend….uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…..when did MTV become such a potty mouth?  Seriously….they said “dick” about eight hundred times during the show.  Maybe it’s because of all the trash they show on that channel now….and not nearly enough singing…..Eminem was good and if you honestly think he wasn’t in on that Borat entrance, you’re nuts.  Eminem was on Crank Yankers for crying out loud.  He knows how to handle a joke.  And poor Zack Epinephrine on the stage trying to figure out what the hell was going on….priceless.  Don’t worry if you missed it, they’ll show it again every day for the next three months.  The Ben Stiller award thing was weird and unfunny and uncomfortable….Kiefer needs to stick with Jack Bauer….please.  All in all, MTV managed to confirm that all the little girls and boys who actually have the time to vote for this nonsense want to grow up to be vampires.  Although, the Twilight girl who won and then dropped the award onstage….I don’t know if she meant to do that, but it was hi-larious.  One of the only funny parts of the show…

 

I am attempting to grow vegetables on the deck outside.  This is interesting and I’m sharing this with all of you because at this point in time, all of my vegetables are still in the house on the window sill.  I do not trust the rabid squirrels in our neighborhood not to eat my plants before I do so I have decided to let them grow for the time being in the house.  The Pumpkin apparently does not agree with this plan one little bit, because she has to date kicked at least two of the plants onto the floor.  The idea to grow vegetables came out of some delusion that growing my own vegetables would be cheaper and greener than buying them at the grocery store…so I bought like eight packets of seeds and a bag of top soil and filled up about 42 plastic cups with dirt and water and plant pods, like I was doing some kind of elementary school science experiment.  I feel like I should be subjecting the plastic cups to music or weird light or something.  So maybe with a little bit of magic pixie dust and a few well-worded prayers I will be eating rabbit food I grew myself in a few months.  That, or the vegetables will have been poisoned by the hatred that I am quickly developing for the dirty little plastic cup bombs that the Pumpkin continues to throw all over my house.

 

So that’s it.  The update from Audit-Land.  You’re welcome.  Stay tuned next week for the recap of Staff Meeting Day 2009.

 

Later gators,

Heather

What a long strange trip it’s been…these past few months.  Season 8 started in January.  I know!  That was like a million years ago….I have watched every single episode of this show that has ever been aired.  And tonight is no exception.  The date is May 20, 2009.  “It’s starting!  It’s starting!” I scream hysterically at the Hubby as I run around in circles in front of the TV high off of too much sugar and caffeine.  The Hubby is rolling his eyes around so much I think he may do permanent damage to his vision.  He just keeps repeating under his breath, last show last show last show last show….he’s a glass half full kind of guy, if you hadn’t realized that from all my previous descriptions.  It all ends tonight.  It’s Dramadama or Kermit.  One of them will be your Idol.  Here’s Seacrest in his black suit and tie, hello friends he says like we’re buddies.  This gets a big snort out of the Hubby.  There are a lot of celebs in the audience tonight.  Ryan says you’re all lucky to be here….oh ho ho ho really?  Then he says we need to pay respect to the judges.  Ok.  Here’s Randy in his big red bowtie and they showed a montage of him saying “for me for you”.  Heeheehee….that was actually pretty funny.  Kara is wearing her hair up and a black strapless number.  Her montage was of her saying “sweetie” and “honey”.  Wow….she did say that a lot.  I just got so hung up on her saying arti-<clunk> zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.   Oh!  What happened!  I’m back….no worries.  Paula looks fabulous, as usual, in a gold strapless dress.  Her montage was about her big vocabulary.  I’m guessing she got one of those word-of-the-day calendars for Christmas last year and has been making good use of it this season.  And the Simon.  Black jacket and chest hair <shiver>….his montage was about his hearing problems.  He says “what” a lot….<chuckle>…..which is ironic.  Unless you know what irony means.  And now let’s ogle the kiddies, dressed all in white, like they’re about to do a rendition of Teen Angel.  Seacrest is talking to them about how nervous they are and their mics aren’t working…just to prove this is a live show.  Cut to Conway Arkansas where Mikalah Gordon is pumping up Kris’s hometown crowd.  You remember Mikalah, right?  The Fran Drescher look-alike.  And then cut over to San Diego where Carly Smithson is pumping up Adam’s hometown crowd.  She’s the Irish one with the bad tattoos.  Ahhhhhh, the benefits of being on this show……getting to be constantly reminded that you did not win by being asked to do retarded things like this. 

 

Now we get to hear the Idolettes singing their first performance of the night – So What.  The Hubby asked if we could fast forward through this….at which point I commandeered the remote.  I wanted to listen to the whole thing….and he just started mumbling along with the song, so what so what so what so what.  After the break, Cookie is there to perform his song ‘Permanent’.  Green spooky light is behind him, some piano in the background.  He’s wearing a vest, black arm band (which I assume is for his brother) and he’s sporting the scruffy goatee that looks so good on him.  It’s a very pretty, kind of a sad song.  When he’s done, he chats with Ryan about his brother briefly, puts on a brave face.  The proceeds from the iTunes sale of this song will go to a cancer research fund in his brother’s name….and his voice kind of cracked on that one.  Classy guy….

 

….and then I did a double-take and actually rewound the dvr.  That was Justin Guarini in the audience!  AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  And the Hubby goes, well it’s not like he has anything better to do.  Well said. my dear.  Well said.

 

Time for the worst part of the show – the ridiculous Golden Idol awards.  <sigh>  I guess it wouldn’t be Idol if they had no cheese involved.  The first award goes to “Outstanding Male”.  There were a few awful singers including Michael Grrrrrrrrrrrr (remember that guy!) nominated and the last nomination was for Norman Gentle.  HAHAHAHAHAHA.  Of course he won…and pretended like he wasn’t expecting it and didn’t prepare anything and then he rips off his jacket and there is the Norman Gentle costume, headband and all.  And he sings something horrible and walks out of the audience.  I’m sure that was supposed to be funny….but it kind of wasn’t.  Now back to the singing.  Lil Rounds is singing with Queen Latifah, ‘Cue the Rain’.  They both look fabulous and they harmonize really well together.  I guess that’s the perk of having a top ten that can actually sing….and not just a top two.  Then we’re right into the next song with Dolly and Anoop de Loop Loop singing with Jason Miraz ‘I’m Yours’.  Then all the Idolettes come out to sing….I kind of like this song.  It wasn't that bad.

 

Now we’re rehashing the Idol Journey of Kermit.  Remember he auditioned at Churchill Downs?  Ok, so he sings ‘Kiss A Girl’ with Keith Urban.  They were both playing the guitar.  After some really caustic comments about country music, the Hubby left the room.  So I can go gaga over them both.  It was kind of a flirty song for two guys to be singing together, but again they sounded great.  The next performance was with the girls singing ‘Glamorous’….and they bring out Fergie!  Man….she is sooooooooo pretty.  I wonder if my calves would look like that if I wore five inch heels?  Probably not….because I would be in a cast after I broke my ankles from trying.  Fergie sings Big Girls Don’t Cry….not really with the Idolettes, they were kind of there as back-up singers.  And then the Black Eyed Peas come out to sing a song.  Something about Boom Boom….but this was the only interesting part – Fergie has a line that ends with ‘swag it’…..and then she goes to sing the next line and <cut to American Idol emblem> Some dead air and the Hubby and I (yes he did come back in the room to gaga over Fergie) are just looking at each other….hmmmm….what rhymes with swag it?  And why would they sing that line?  ‘Let’s get it started’ wasn’t how that song originally went either….<chuckle>…..

 

Time for more ridiculous fake awards.  This one is for best attitude.  <sigh>  Bikini Girl wins it and this is when I realize they are obviously making up these awards to give them an excuse to bring back some fan favorites.  And trust me, by the drool the Hubby was wiping off himself, this disgusting little pig is a fan favorite.  Randy’s eyes are literally popping out of his head.  Seacrest says, well I was gonna ask what’s new but I think I know.  <pssssst – she has brand new boobs>  Good for you honey.  Boobs can get you lots of things.  Respect is highly overrated.  Don’t judge me people.  She is a gravity-defying twenty-something pin-up girl and yes I hate her.  Hate her with everything I am.  They ask her to sing….oh come ON.  No one wants to actually hear her sing…..but I look over at the Hubby and even he is too mesmerized to mute the TV.  <chuckle>  Ahhhhh….boys are so easy.  You really are.  But here’s where this charade actually got funny.  Kara comes out behind Piggy and starts singing the song.  Like a pro.  And Piggy has such a complex that she actually stops singing and gets this pissy little look on her face.  AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Stealing your spotlight!!  AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  And Kara can actually sing.  SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better than Piggy, proved very concretely on that last note.  But it’s not over yet – Kara rips open her dress to reveal her own bikini.  You GO GIRL!  Of course she looks amazing, but immediately feels self conscious next to Piggy.  Apparently the judges bet her she wouldn’t do that and since she did, she gets a big donation to her charity….whatever that is…..no one said.  Piggy is still annoyed that Kara is on the stage and is making faces.  Classy.  Don’t worry honey, you don’t need to be classy or talented to get places in this world.  The boobs will be enough.

 

Time for more singing.  Red is singing with Cyndi Lauper – ‘Time After Time’.  I love Cyndi Lauper and I love this song.  What is that instrument she’s playing?  A sitar?  I have no idea.  But of course it sounds great….they really have done a good job pairing up the kiddies with singers that work well with their voices….absolutely beautiful.  Speaking of which, time for Ironman to sing.  Awwwww…I wish he could have been in the finals.  No….no I don’t.  I like Kermit….but I like him too.  Awwwwwww…..so he’s singing with Lionel Richie and yes, they sound perfect together too.  Well done!

 

Now we get to see Adam’s Idol Journey recap.  And here he is for his song and he’s wearing the weirdest thing I have ever seen….like big iron shoulder pads…..except they're like cages.  I don’t know how to describe it….so he’s singing with KISS.  Obviously.  Rock and Roll All Night.  That’s appropriate.  I’m not a big Kiss fan, but it was fun.  The next performance is from Carlos Santana on the guitar, ‘Black Magic Woman’.  Dumbo is singing with him and then all the Idolettes come out and sing with him.  For sounding so good by themselves….they really don’t sound that good together.

 

Time for the final Ford commercial music video horror show of the season.  It’s a recap of all the other creepy commercial music video horror shows to the song ‘I Will Remember You’.  Ok….glad that’s over.  Cookie comes on screen and says it’s time to surprise Kermit and Drama.  Surprise….yeah right.  They did kind of look surprised, but everybody knew they were getting cars.  Cute little Ford Fusions.  Nice.  Moving on, now it’s time for the Rougneck and Tattoo to sing with none other than Steve Martin on the banjo.  The song is called ‘Pretty Flowers’ and the Hubby and I are fairly certain this is from a bit on SNL.  Steve is coming out with an album….oh really?  I’d probably buy that.

 

More music….the Idolettes are singing ‘If You Want My Body’…the boys are all dressed up like Reservoir Dogs.  They sound terrible.  But here comes Rod Stewart in a great plaid jacket.  Aha!  He sounds pretty good for being like 900 years old. 

 

And the latest ridiculous Golden Idol award is for Outstanding Female.  <sigh>  I have a sinking suspicion I already know who is going to win this.  Yup….I’m right because the world hates me….it’s the Devil Woman Tatiana.  Ryan announces that they’re out of time and he’ll give her the award later.  But she gets right up and walks onstage anyway….this was obviously scripted but at the same time kind of funny.  He says, we have to go to break and she grabs the mic away from him and starts singing and then security is chasing her all over the stage and she just keeps singing….right into the break.  <chuckle>  Ok….ok.  Maybe she’s not the “Devil” woman I thought she was…..<smack in the head>…..what am I saying?!?!?  Of course she is….

 

We’re already over on time I think….I taped this like an hour long so there wouldn’t be a chance I’d miss anything so I’m not exactly sure where we are….but we’re close to the end.  Seacrest asks the Simon what he wants to say to the contestants and he blurts out, ‘I don’t normally mean this, but you are both incredibly talented, unusually nice guys.  The future is yours.’  Awwwww….I think that’s about as sappy as the Cowell is going to get.

 

Dim the lights.  It’s time.  AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!  The Hubby is looking at me with the Look….clearly wondering when his wife became brain damaged.  Without a whole lot of ado, Seacrest announces the winner.  It’s KRIS!!!  Kermit wins!!!  I am quite literally speechless….and so is he….who saw this coming?  I’ll tell you who….me.  That’s right.  Two years in a row, I have liked the winner.  Two years in a row my super-vote has made the difference.  That’s one out of 100 million according to the anonymous bean counter that certified the results.  <smile>  Kermit wins!  The Hubby immediately starting mumbling about conspiracy theories with the Christian right, etc etc.  I think it’s because people got tired of the screaming from Drama.  Regardless, like Daughtry, Drama is now free to do his own thing.  And Kris has the backing of the all-powerful AI machine behind him now.  <big smile>  He stutters and plutters over thank yous and I don’t know what to say and blah blah blah.  Ryan thanks the judges, Ricky Miner and the band and us.  Of course.

 

And then they make him song.  The AI song, No Boundaries.  He manages to make it sound better than it is….which by itself should have won him the competition.  

 

Well, <big sigh>  it’s over.  The Hubby waited about 0.8 seconds before he deleted the program and switched the channel to basketball.  I have a feeling I will go into AI withdrawal very soon and start criticizing people and judging them for no good reason….oh wait.  What am I saying?  I’m an auditor!!!  That’s totally my job!!!  AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. 

 

Till next season gators,

Heather

 

It’s time.  97% of the other shows I watch are already over….this is the last performance show on American Idol, Season 8.  <whimper>  I don’t know what the hell I am supposed to do with no TV on….I might have to actually start talking to the Hubby again.  Hahahahahahaha….Ryan informs us that two are left standing.  He’s wearing a slate gray shiny suit and tie.  He calls it a showdown between the acoustic rocker and the glam rocker.  Ok.  Do you know he has been using this boxing analogy for YEARS now…it’s old Ryan.  Find something new. Here are our judges.  Our wonderfully neurotic judges.  Randy has a ridiculously crazy-looking clown suit on.  Kara is wearing a glamorous black number.  Paula is wearing neon green.  And Simon?  Simon is wearing buttons.  Not buttoning the buttons….just wearing them.  <sigh>  Chest hair is gross Simon…come on.  And here are the kiddies – Kermit and Drama looking queasy and nervous.  There was the normal coin toss last week to see who would go first and Kermit won and decided to let Drama kick it off.  There are three songs to sing tonight – the kiddies pick their favorite song from the season, Simon Fuller picks a song for them, and then they both have to sing the AI8 song that was co-written by Kara.  So….lots of stuff we’ve already heard.  That’s wonderful.  Seacrest starts warning us now that tomorrow’s finale show may run long.  AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Oh Ryan.  We know it will run long.  You don’t have to warn us.  This show has ended on time, I’d say, three out of 64 times.  Nice going.

 

Dramadama starts everything off with his pick – Mad World.  He comes out on stage in fog, backlit with green spooky lights.  He’s wearing a long coat, that is actually pretty cool.  The song sounds exactly the same as it did the last time we heard it.  Pretty good.  But I’ve heard it already.  He has a lot of intense looks into the camera….and manages not to make them oogy.  Randy says, so check it out, we got to see your sensitive side, A+.  A for Adam.  <cringe>  Kara says I’m so happy you picked that song.  And then she says something about being an artist and I blacked out immediately.  Paula says blah blah, more subdued, introverted, blah blah, theatrical.  Simon says it was your best performance, kind of over-theatrical…reminded him of Phantom of the Opera.  Then Randy pipes in that it’s more Twilight….that will win him all the Edward Cullen fans.

 

Sir Anthony Hopkins is in the audience tonight.  I love him.  He reminds me of my dad for some reason.  Anyway, so Kermit is singing his pick – Ain’t No Sunshine.  Another slow song….that I’ve heard already!!!  It’s very pretty and since I am kind of biased on his side, naturally I love it.  And he can play the piano….which I think is very cool.  Randy says yo, dude, check it out, hope the Lakers win, best ever.  Way to stay on topic Randy.  Kara says whatever Randy said and something about an intimate bond.  Paula says you awaken spirits, especially mine since I’m drunk.  And then she said artist and I blacked out immediately.  Simon says when your name was announced last week, I wasn’t sure it was the right choice.  But after that performance, I take it all back.  Round one goes to Kris. 

 

Simon Fuller picked ‘Change Is Gonna Come’ for Drama to sing.  This is a very bluesy, soulful song for him.  He’s wearing a Seacrest suit.  And there’s that scream.  Oh good….I thought maybe he might go a whole song without screaming like a banshee.  I think this is too much of a soul song, and he’s turning it into his normal screamy rock song performance.  The Hubby is cringing.  And complaining.  Vociferously.  Randy calls the song an amazing R&B classic, he wipes the drool off his chin and then says you can sing your face off!  Kara calls this his best performance and interpretation of a song ever.  Paula says this is the best I’ve ever heard you sing.  Ever.  Ever ever.  Simon says you are 100% back in the game, congratulations.

 

Simon Fuller picked ‘What’s Going On’ for Kermit to sing.  He’s playing his acoustic guitar.  It’s beautiful.  I’m not so sure about the song choice….but whatever, he did the best with what he had.  Randy says a little bit light for this competition….<sigh>….he didn’t pick the song Randy.  Kara says you’ve always been true to yourself.  Artist.  And I am in a coma now.  Paula says you tore that song up!  Somebody get me another “coke”[she even did air quotes, swear to God].  Simon says he loved the song, but it was like listening to three friends in their bedroom strumming along to the song, too laid back.  He DID NOT pick the song Simon!  Button your shirt!!!

 

Now we get to hear Kara’s song.  It’s called ‘No Boundaries’.  And it was co-written by Kara.  By Kara.  Did you get that?  Kara co-wrote this song, thus justifying her entire existence on this show.  So I don’t know if he’s off or it’s the song (co-written by Kara)…but this doesn’t sound so good.  And he’s cry-screaming….again.  I don’t know if I could listen to a whole album of that scream…I really don’t.  He is wearing cool pants though.  Now I sound like Paula…maybe I’m drunk too.  Randy says, I’ve said it before, you can sing the phone book.  Okay, first of all, if you’ve said it before there is really no reason to say it again, or to say it 800 hundred billion times.  Second, wouldn’t it be hysterical if someone did come out and sing the phonebook?  <chuckle>  Kara said amazing, so proud.  I co-wrote that song.  Paula says adjectives cannot describe it.  AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Oh Paula….stop mocking me.  She’s a fan forever.  Simon says over the entire season, you have been one of the best most original contestants.  He genuinely believes they have found a worldwide star, congratulations.  Seacrest calls him a class act.

 

Now Kermit is singing a song called ‘No Boundaries’.  You may have heard this before….and by before I of course mean, like three minutes ago.  I like the way Kermit sings it better….but he sounds off a little too.  Now, because I got to hear it twice in a row, I know for certain that I don’t like this song.  Randy says be proud of yourself, the song fit your voice better.  Kara says Artist.  And I’m out.  Paula says take it all in, you deserve the spotlight.  Simon says he’s amazed at how far Kris has come over the entire season.  You deserve to be there right now.  Seacrest says it was a fun fun fight.  Oh Ryan….no one ever describes a boxing match as a fun fun fight…..

 

And now to close out the show, Miss Carrie Underwear sings the biggest loser song of this season – Home Sweet Home.  And while the Hubby grumbles about the original and whatnot, I do notice that she sounds great.  Tomorrow is a big deal….the finale shows are always great.  Can’t wait.

 

Later gators,

Heather

 

 

I have been in mourning gentle reader.  In mourning over my Capitals.  The last game was a heart breaker.  We looked awful.  Varly the Kid was pulled out of the goal after giving up four.  Everybody looked off.  So depressing.  What a terrible way to go out….and to all teams, it had to be the Pens.  So depressing.  Anyway, I have been very lax in my duties to this blog and I apologize.  Still don’t have internet access at work….so I have had to…you know…..work while I’m there.  Instead of do this….

 

Last week we found out who would be in the finals.  The show starts with Ben Stiller shilling his new movie ‘Night at the Museum 2’.  It’s probably a cute movie, in that really retarded way some cute movies have about them.  But if I ever see it, it’ll be on DVD.  Ryan is wearing a gray suit and a shiny tie.  He tells us that just over 1 million votes separates the top two.  Huh.  The kiddies are already out of stage sitting in the Stools of Fate.  <chuckle>  Randy looks like the purple people eater.  Kara is wearing some trashy lace thing.  Paula looks like a cowgirl in a black lace up number.  And Simon is wearing his somber grey.  Jordin Sparks and Katy Perry are singing tonight.  Woo.  Hoo.

 

We start with this week’s Ford music video commercial horror show.  Ironman, Dramadama and Kermit are all cartoons.  The commercial is to the song ‘Break My Stride’….it’s creepy.  As usual.  Then Alicia Keys comes out to talk about Idol Gives Back and beg for money…since they didn’t have a charity show this year.  She is so pretty.  Now they bring out a kid from Rwanda.  His name is Noah and he is singing ‘I’m The World’s Greatest’ and unless you have no soul and your heart is a black ice cold stone in your chest….this was very sweet.  The kid is jumping and dancing all over the stage, so excited to be there.  He learned to sing the song in English in one week.  He shakes all of the judges hands….awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww….so adorable.  Alicia commands us to text our donations in….hey.  Wait just one minute.  She’s not singing too?!?!?!  What the hell is going on here?!?!?!?

 

Seacrest talks about the Summer Tour.  Again.  We know already, enough about the stupid tour!  So Ironman comes out on stage and we get to hear about his trip home to Milwaukee.  He got to see Jamar.  You remember this guy, right?  His best bud from the tryouts.  He talks about going from tragedy to triumph.  Remember, he’s a widow.  A recent widow.  He goes on the morning news, radio shows, the mayor announces that it’s Gokey Day in Milwaukee….which is hysterical because a Gokey doesn’t sound like a good thing.  And there’s a parade.  Some random kid thinks Ironman is the best because he’s cute, he has good glasses (as opposed to bad, kids know more than you think) and he lives in Milwaukee.  That’s called being a homer kid.  Way to go.  He’s crying….and there are a TON of people gathered to hear him sing.  He got to throw out a pitch at the baseball game.  He calls it a bittersweet homecoming.  I bet….Ryan recaps his singing.  And then tells him to sit down, shut up….and wait.  In the Stools of Fate.

 

Now we get to see Kermit go home.  To Conway Arkansas.  Arkansas?  Huh.  We drove through Arkansas once on our way somewhere else.  All I can remember is it smelled weird.  And by weird, I mean bad.  Anyway, we find out that he gets free cheese dip for life from his favorite restaurant.  Free cheese dip?  Well, you know you’ve made it now Kermit.  He goes on the news, does a radio show and performs at the Riverfest Ampitheater.  His poppa is very proud.  Proud poppas are the best, aren’t they?  He sings at the University of Central Arkansas.  I’m watching all this go on and all I can wonder is….how long is that wife of his gonna last?  I know I’m a cynic, but Daughtry’s wife didn’t last too long after he made it big.  I feel kind of bad for in her….but not really.  He sings in Simon Park…..irony?  He tells the crowd that they have changed his life.  Yes, yes they have.  Seacrest recaps his singing.  Now SIT!  In the Stools of Fate.

 

We get a break now with Jordin Sparks singing ‘Battlefield’.  Ryan Tedder co-wrote the song and is playing the piano.  I wish he was singing.  She looks amazing.  The song kind of grew on me after a while…but I really just wanted to listen to Tedder playing the piano.  Pretty good….I didn’t fast forward through it, which is a good sign.

 

Now Drama goes home to San Diego.  Some girl streaked across the stage….except she didn’t really look naked.  I didn’t see any unnatural blurring going on.  She was just in her bra.  What a fraidy cat…..if you’re gonna do something like that, do it right.  He goes on a morning news show too, and the woman co-anchor was totally hysterical.  He does a radio show too.  And then he goes to the Met, a theater group he was in as a kid.  And he talks to the kids, which was kind of cute.  He said it was a big full circle moment….ok.  Then he goes to Mt. Carmel high school.  And then the Marine Corps Air Station….or something.  I may have gotten that wrong.  I don’t think his parents live in San Diego….why didn’t he see them?  Anyway, Ryan recaps his singing and then tells him to park it.  In the Stools of Fate.

 

Katy Perry sings.  The song is called ‘Waking Up in Vegas’….which conjures up all kinds of nightmarish scenarios.  Cause you don’t really sleep much in Vegas.  She has the buggy eyes that give me the eebie geebies…..the song gets a little annoying too.  She has a very very weird outfit on.  But hey, it’s Vegas baby. 

 

So 88 million votes were cast.  Good golly miss molly, don’t you people have anything better to do?!?!?!    And now, it’s go-time.  Finally time for the results.  Finally time to get the kiddies off the very uncomfortable looking Stools of Fate.  The first person competing next week is <dramatic pause>  Kris.  WHAT?!?!?  NO WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY?!?!  I did not see that coming.  They surprise me on this show, all the time.  Pleasantly surprise me….how nice.  I like Kermit…he might be my favorite right now.  And then without much ado, Seacrest announces that Drama is competing against him.  Time to say goodbye to Danny boy.  We see his Idol Journey and relive a lot of the moments he had on the show.  And now he has to sing – You Are So Beautiful.  With a brave smile, he says goodbye.  The finale is set – Drama versus Kermit.  Simon calls the finale show a big ding dong….<sigh>….I guess that’s British for a good thing. 

 

Later gators,

Heather

It’s the final three….we are dangerously close to being done with the whole shebang this season….<sigh>.  I’ll try to keep it together.  Seacrest comes out in a nice black suit and tie.  He announces that tonight is the show’s 300^th episode.  He refers to the kiddies as the three amigos.  Huh.  Randy is wearing a navy blue striped shirt and blue glasses.  Kara has some weird boxy gray thing on, while Paula is all glitz and glamour.  And here’s Simon in his white t-shirt and chest hair.  Drama, Kermit and Ironman went home over the weekend.  We get to see all that nonsense during the vote-off show.  The boys are singing two songs tonight – one that the judge’s pick for them and one they pick for themselves.  So let’s get started.

 

Ironman is up first.  Paula picked his song for him – Dance Little Sister by Terence Trent D’arby.  I don’t think I’ve heard this song before….but at least Danny boy has a great voice.  I don’t think I’ve heard this song and I don’t like it…..he sounds angry.  Randy says you have a lotta energy, that was dope.  Kara says that song hit the money spot with your voice, but the dancing was too gyrating.  <quizzical look>  What?  Paula says, well I’m a choreographer and I think the dancing was great.  Oh….oh ho ho ho….MEOW.  Paula being catty with Kara…this will be an awesome night.  Simon called the dancing desperate and then says he thinks it was the wrong song.  Paula is trying to say something and Simon won’t let her talk…in fact, it looks like he’s choking her….hehehehe….now they are distracting Ryan with their antics.  Since the cameras won’t show any of it, we just got a lot of sideways glances from Ryan and Danny boy chuckling.  Apparently Paula was hitting Simon.  Oh boy.  This WILL be an awesome night.

 

Kara and Randy picked the song for Kermit – Apologize, by One Republic.  I hope your remember that Archie sang this with the actual band.  I hope you also remember that Ryan, the lead singer, totally blew him out of the water.  This is a great song though…I love it.  Kermy is playing the piano, just like Ryan does.  It was pretty good, but he couldn’t really hit the high notes and he didn’t change it at all….pretty good but not as good.  The girls love him though.  Randy says this is your kind of song.  Kara says it was a confident performance, but I wish you had made it your own.  Paula like the song, said he hit a loud bum note, she’s proud of him and his artistic license.  Simon is confused by Paula and then he tells Kara that she can’t pick a song for someone and then criticize them for singing it…if she wanted it done differently, she should have changed the arrangement.  He thinks Kara and Randy let him down.  Wow….this is getting totally out of control.

 

I don’t know if anybody else noticed this but AI was throwing around a lot of numbers last night, more than usual.  Writing binary code is easier than remembering all these god***n numbers…..

 

Drama is up next.  Simon picked his song.  Of course.  And he’s singing One (more numbers, great) by U2.  Apparently Simon spoke to Bono personally about permission to use the song.  Nice.  It starts off slow and soft and pretty and then he gets screamy.  But in a good way.  A rocker, on key way.   It was the best so far.  Randy says you’re still in the zone, hottest, a really talented guy.  Kara says you’re a strategist and then gives Drama all the credit for changing the arrangement….even though Simon JUST SAID that he did that.  <frustrated sigh>  I hate her so much.  Pay ATTENTION!!  Paula tells Simon to stop gloating, one brilliant song, one superb performance, one American idol.  Wow….if people were able to jinx other people, I would think these guys were giving it their best shot.  Simon says it was a brilliant song choice <chuckle>, and then he says if you’re not in the finals, it will be one of the biggest upsets ever.  Are they building this up on purpose?  For all of you conspiracy theorists out there….are they making sure he’s not locked into an AI contract?

 

Ok, intermission time and Seacrest talks about Idol Gives Back.  Over the past two years they have raised over $140 million for charity and whatnot.  They didn’t do a charity show this year, did they?  Huh, bad economy….I guess.  Anyhoo, Carrie Underwood is in Angola.  That’s in Africa.  She’s telling us about the kiddies dying of malaria and how mosquito nets can save them.  This is very depressing.  Depressing that over 3,000 kids die a day from something that is so preventable…

 

Ok, <sniff>, time for the second round of singing now that I could totally care less who wins this show….Ironman picked ‘You Are So Beautiful’ by Joe Cocker.  Ok.  He’s sitting center stage, in a spot light.  It’s nice and soft at the start, and then he brings it up, and then back down for a nice quiet sweet finish.  This was sooooooo much better than the first song.  This is the Danny everybody fell in love with, the heart broken widow.  Randy says you can really really really sing.  Good job Randy.  Kara calls it stunning.  Paula says you left us breathless, magic, infusing something, blah blah blah, not making any sense, you nailed it.  Simon says he loved the song, not the arrangement, but it was a vocal master class.  And without a break –

 

We’re on to Kermit.  He picked Heartless by Kanye West.  What a weird pick, right?  He’s singing with his acoustic guitar.  And that’s it.  Practically a capella.  And that was actually……….really good.  Wow, this is gonna be a tough choice.  Randy calls it the toughest voting choice ever, better than the original, in it to win it.  Kara called him bold, brave, fearless and perfect.  Paula calls him the bravest artist for singing about Simon, keeps you relevant, bravo.  Simon says after the lame first song choice he had pretty much written Kris off, but that has totally changed.  Oh boy…..

 

And last but certainly not least, Dramadama is singing Aerosmith – Crying.  He’s got his punk outfit on, which is cool.  I think this is what he prefers.  The backup singing sounds too loud in the beginning, but nobody can sing over Drama when he starts to scream.  I actually….did not like this as much…..I don’t know why.  This guy is certainly talented.  But the screamy thing doesn’t always work every time.  Randy calls him one of the best, most charismatic contestants, you should be a rock star.  Kara is puzzled, who hits those notes and can still talk the next day?  Paula talks about frequent flyer miles and says see you next week.  Simon says he’s not gonna suck up, the show is about finding a star and people should vote for you because you deserve it based on talent.  And then Drama was very humble, saying anything could happen.  Very good Drama, nice and humble.  You needed that to get some of the judge’s slobber off of you.

 

Honestly, nobody choked.  The judges’ picks were worthless.  The kiddies picked the better songs tonight.  I have no idea who it’s going to.  Absolutely no idea. 

 

 

And that is pretty cool. 

Later gators,

Heather

 

p.s. Game 7 against the Pens tonight, the Caps are playing at home.  It’s win, or go home.  And we must beat them…..because I cannot STAND the Pens.  Please everybody, think positive thoughts about Washington hockey tonight….

Ok, first things first.  The Capitals have made this the most stressful season ever….they were ahead two games to none….and then they lost the next three.  Last night they were on the brink of elimination.  Against the Pens <hissssssssssssss>, in Pittsburgh <hissssssssssssss>, and the game went to overtime.  AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!  Of course we won.  Because the Hubby’s play-off beard has grown out to the point that he looks like a Sherpa.  Heeheehee….Game 7 is tomorrow night.  We have to beat the Pens.  We have to.  I hate that team with such a passion….

 

Anyhoo…last Wednesday was go-time for the Idolers.  Ryan was wearing a black suit and tie….looking dapper as usual.  He tells us that 64 million votes were cast.  Holy crap.  That’s a lot!  You people really care about this one….then he says hi to the top four.  Randy is wearing red, Kara is wearing black, Paula has some snakeskin thing on and Simon looks exceedingly comfortable in his normal black t-shirt.  We start off the filler-fest with the Ford music video horror show of the week….in which the kiddies looked like creepy paper dolls.  Running around in 2-d and for some reason this made me think of Nightmare on Elm Street….I don’t know why.  But it gave me the eebie geebies. 

 

Then the kiddies sang – School’s Out.  Slash on guitar, in his top hat.  Looking a little old which of course makes me feel like the crypt keeper again.  The guitar sounded great, the kiddies sounded ok.  Ryan talks about the summer tour for the eight billionth time and then he talks to the kiddies….like we care what they have to say at this point.  Kermit is surprised he’s there, Drama loved this week, Ironman watched his performance back and thought his scream was hysterical, and Red was proud of herself for talking back to Simon.

 

Now it’s time for the first performance of the night….which was Miss Abdul.  First though AI felt it necessary to do a little video montage of the life and time of Paula, so that anyone who didn’t know would understand how ridiculously successful she has actually been.  It’s kind of nuts when you think about it….she’s so clearly out of her mind….and yet…..she’s sold like a billion trillion records.  <shaking my head>  She’s singing ‘I’m Just Here for the Music’.  Well….not really singing.  She is dancing, and the dancing is great.  The song is a little annoying…but she can really dance.  Total fluff, kind of cheesy, exactly what we all expected.  But undeniably Paula.

 

Then we get a performance from No Doubt and the oh so adorable Gwen Stefani.  She’s just precious.  And such a rocker chick.  I think she’s great.  They sang an oldie, I’m Just  A Girl.  And they, along with the entire population of musicians on the planet, are going on tour this summer.  They’re doing it kind of backwards, going on tour to inspire a new album. 

 

Ryan explains that the top three will get to go home next week anyway, for the star treatment.  You know, the parades, and the key to the city, and all that nonsense that they eat up with a spoon.  If I went back to my high school town with this kind of hoopla surrounding me….it might be cool.  But it might require decades of therapy to get over too.  Ok, so bring out the four.  Ryan is going to announce the first safe one.  It’s Kermit.  Chris with a K.  Kind of a surprise….but Seacrest did say they were announcing them in no particular order.  I like Kermit, I’m glad he’s in the finals. 

 

Back from the break and it’s time to hear Mr. Chris Daughtry.  The one, the only…..if any of you don’t know, I am totally in love with this guy.  And he still looks great.  And their band is coming out with another album….which I will definitely be buying.  He’s singing No Surprise, the first single.  YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY.  It’s great, but who cares.  He is so easy on the eyes….5 million albums sold of the debut.  I have one, by the way, in case anyone wants to borrow it. 

 

The second person safe is…………..Drama.  Yeah, we knew that.  It’s down to Red and Ironman.  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, Ironman is safe.  Awwww….I think I would have been sad either way, but it’s too bad for Red.  Danny boy seemed genuinely surprised, surprised I guess that anyone could forgive him for that horrendous scream.  So we watch her Idol journey with her, and then with tears rolling down her face Red sang again – Cry baby.  Good job girl.  You have nothing to be ashamed of….you have your whole life ahead of you.  And a great career, no doubt.

 

Later gators,

Heather

We’re down to the top four.  The four tops.  Here’s Ryan in a gray suit, striped tie and perfect tan.  He says we’re very live tonight….whatever the hell that is supposed to mean.  Apparently there was some kind of accident on the stage earlier and the kiddies didn’t get a chance to do their rehearsals….that doesn’t sound good.  And Ryan says something about the kiddies performing duets tonight….duets?  What the hell?  With each other?  What is going on?  My world is turning upside down….ok, here are the judges.  Randy in bejeweled blue, Kara in cheap punk leather, Paula in a cute little dress and Simon in a very subdued grey t-shirt.  It’s classic rock week.  And the mentor is Slash.  And of course, here’s a montage about Slash and who he is…..oh dear Jesus…..who he is?!?!?!?!  Come on kids.  It’s Slash.  Great guitar….Guns and fing Roses.  Come on. 

 

Drama is singing first tonight.  I guess I should say something about the fact that he’s gay.  People keep asking me about it.  I didn’t think it mattered.  Sooooooooooooooooooooooo….he’s gay.  And I guess that would be a big deal if he won…..but I’m not totally sure why.  It’s not like they’re aren’t any gay singers out there in the world.  Really successful gay singers.  He picked Whole Lotta Love, Led Zeppelin classic.  Great great song…but I’m worried he picked it.  And why isn’t Slash playing the guitar?  Seriously….you have this amazing guitar player in the building and he’s not on stage?  I feel like Alice in Wonderland.  You know what though, Drama sounded pretty friggin good.  As usual.  Randy says this is the Adam I love, don’t even think about Broadway, you a rock star.  Kara called him a ‘Rock God’ and then said something about Nine Inch Nails which made me cringe.  I don’t like listening to her very much.  Paula thinks the band sounds great and then called Drama a whole lotta perfect.  Simon joked that he thought the performance was understated and then pointed out it could have been a disaster.  He says it was his favorite of all of Drama’s performances and nobody is gonna be able to top that.  Uh oh….if he thinks that now….

 

Red is singing second and she picked Crybaby by Miss Janis Joplin.  I think this is a great choice.  Slash says she needs to get over her fear….yeah, she’s 17.  Don’t get over it too quick.  I thought it was a great performance.  She has a great rock voice and she really got into it.  Very nice.  Randy says you can sing your face off <shiver>….why does he say crap like that?  He didn’t like the song choice though….wha whaaaaaaaaaaaat?!?  Kara thinks it was the right choice, bluesy rock, we can see your personality.  Paula called her fearless.  Simon thinks the difference between her now and then is staggering, showed a lot of confidence, it was kind of a sound-alike, he would have chosen a Queen song.  Then Red does something totally out of character and gets feisty with Mr. Cowell.  She has apparently finally had enough.  You go girl.  I think Simon likes her more for standing up for herself.

 

First duet of the night is Kermit and Ironman.  They picked Renegade by Styxx.  It’s a pretty good song, they sound really off in parts though.  And then in other parts they sound amazing.  Randy thinks they complimented each other really well, he says the individual singing was just ok.  Kara says the same thing.  But in a different way.  Man I hate her.  Paula thinks the duets are a great idea.  She called it powerful and compelling.  Simon says after chatting incoherently with Paula about how retarded she is….Danny you were better than Kris.  Ouch!  Simon…..that was harsh.

 

Time for Kermit to sing.  He picked the Beatles…..but not the song you would expect.  As soon as he said Beatles, the Hubby mumbles, Revolution.  Right?  But he picked Come Together….which I don’t really consider rock for some reason.  During his rehearsal, Slash loaned him a guitar.   Aiiiiiyiyi.  I would have been freaking out.  Take that guitar and run!  Heeheehee.  Slash says he needs to pick up the live performance and gives him some suggestions on how to perform while playing the guitar, if anybody would know it’s him.  It was pretty good, a little different.  But pretty good.  Randy says, I know you’re not a hard rocker, liked the vocals, loved the guitar.  Kara doesn’t think it was a great performance, she thinks he’s trying too hard.  Paula says it’s kind of risky to pick the Beatles but you gave it your own artistic signature.  Your imprint makes it compelling.  Tonight’s buzz word is apparently ‘compelling’.  <sigh>  Simon didn’t like it that much.  He said it was like eating ice for lunch.  AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Where have all these fantastic Cowell-isms been?  That’s hysterical.  He said he was right that nothing could top Drama.  Hmmmmm…..Kermy might be in trouble.  You never know….

 

Ironman is the last to sing solo.  He picked Dream On by Aerosmith.  Ehhhhhh….I think this is a terrible idea…..I am quite positive nobody knows what a great singer Steven Tyler is…..but you’re about to.  Slash says he picked a tough song….which I think means he didn’t like it.  He says it could go either way.  It all depends on the scream.  And the scream sounded painful.  I think he may have hurt himself.  Literally.  <frowny>  Randy says I know this is not your genre, not great.  A for effort.  Nice Randy….nice demeaning non-compliment.  Kara says you have swagger and edge, but you took it too far.  Then she says I like to see growth….<sigh>…..no comment.  Paula says I don’t think it was the right song for you.  WOW….YA THINK?!?!  Not so much.  Then she gives him an A++ for effort and if I was him I would have walked off the stage right then.  Simon says the last note was like watching a horror movie.  AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Awesome.  It totally was like watching a horror movie.  He says it was a little over the top, it didn’t work.  But you’re still gonna be safe.  Then Seacrest jinxes him by saying Danny boy has never been in the bottom three….uh oh.

 

Last song of the night is the second duet between Drama and Red.  They picked Slow Ride and they sound GREAT together.  They harmonize perfectly.  Randy says that was the bomb.  Kara says Rock God and Rock Goddess.  Nice and original, Kara.  Paula says they were the perfect blend, they should do a duet on their albums, it was a beautiful thing.  Simon says in the battle of the duets, you won.  Then he says, Drama, you may have given this one a chance to stay in the competition.  Wow….does he really think Allison is in trouble?

 

Because I don’t.  I think she was better than both Kermit and Ironman.

I guess we’ll see tomorrow.  Daughtry is tomorrow….and that’s all I heard before I started screaming and running around the room…..

 

Go CAPITALS!

Later gators,

Heather

It's go time people.  Or it was, rather, like last week sometime.  I do not have Internet access at work right now and it is reaaaaallllyyyyy messing up my life.  Remember when you had dial-up and the Internet was kind of a hassle?  Well...now people think I have died if I don't e-mail them every couple of days....so, just in case you were wondering.  I'm alive.  Alive and well.  Thanks for all the e-mail reminding me that I have this obligation to keep you people up to date on TV.  Seriously.  Too lazy....to watch TV?!?!?  You guys are unbelievable.  Anyhoo...it's go time.  Seacrest asks who will get the shock tonight?  I'm hoping it's the Pathetic Pens in game 2 of the series.  Ryan has a blue or black suit on...as usual I can't tell.  47 million votes were cast.  Randy is wearing pink.  Kara is wearing lavender.  Paula has a snazzy black number on...well....not really on.  Simon is wearing a white v-neck t-shirt which shows off his gross chest hair really well.  After being prompted by Ryan, Simon admits that everyone was good this week.  It's the most open competition they've ever had.  Yeah, we know.  Tonight we have Taylor "Who?" Hicks, Natalie Cole and Jamie Foxx.  Yes, Foxx is spelled with two x's....which I don't think I was doing before....sorry about that.  And a big super smile thank you to everyone who so nicely points out my mistakes.  You guys are super awesome.

 

We start of the night with this week's Ford music video commercial horror show disaster.  The kiddies are singing to 'Energy' and they are running through the desert.  Kinda corny....but it won't give me nightmares, and that's all I can really ask for at this point.  Then they sing their medley song - It don't mean a thing and I got rhythm.  Rhythm is the dumbest word in the world to spell by the way....what ass**le came up with that one.  Anyway, the song was kind of good and kind of annoying all at the same time.

 

We're back and Seacrest reminds everyone for thr 40billionth time that there's a summer tour coming up.  There were birthdays this week for Ironman and Red.  They made themselves a cake, I guess because AI is too cheap to get them one...and they ended up having a food fight.  The kitchen looked eerily similar to my kitchen after I attempt to bake a cake....but that's all I'll say about that.  AI got Danny a "gift" which was the cleaning bill from the most expensive maid service I have ever heard of...not sure if that was a joke.  Seacrest wasn't making it real clear. 

 

Now, everybody come center stage.  Dumbo go to the right.  Ironman go to the left.  Red go to the left too.  Kermit Kris go to the right.  Now Drama....you pick the winners.  And instead of sitting in the middle of the stage and refusing to play these reindeer games, Drama picks Ironman and Red.  And he's right.  Sort of.  That side is safe....but that's not where Drama belongs. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry.  I just fell off the couch again remembering that this happened.  I'm back now.  What in the HELL is wrong with you America?!?!  You get all mushy about this guy and then you DON'T VOTE FOR HIM?  You morons.  I hope he gets voted off, just to spite you.  So, Dumbo, Kermit and Drama are in the bottom three.  Simon congratulates Ironman and Red, which I thought was very classy.  And now it's time to listen to Natalie Cole, singing Something's Gotta Give.  She looks amazing, kind of thin, but amazing.  And of course she sounds wonderful.  And then to follow up that stellar performance, we get to hear Taylor Hicks.  He reminds of George Clooney in Oh Brother Where Are Thou.....still goofy....still has gray hair.  The song sounds real country.  He's playing the guitar and the harmonica.  It's a nice song.  Thanks for climbing out from under that rock where you've been hiding to share it with us.  The judges give him a standing ovation, which was nice but I'm sure none of them really meant that.  He was in Grease?  Did I hear that right?  He tells the losers that song choice is the most important thing at this point.  Yeah.  We know Taylor.

 

So bring out the three.  One of them is safe and it's Kermit.  Oh come ON!!  It's so obviously Dumbo going home....but we don't get to find out yet.  First it's Jamie Foxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.  He's singing Blame It.  Cool song....but I'd rather just look at him.  What a hottie.  You can't really hear him that well over the techno stuff and whatever they're doing to his voice, but what-ever.  So easy on the eyes....ok, so he talks about how talented the kiddies are while I wipe the drool off my notepad.  Seacrest asks him if America got it right and he very diplomatically says, it doesn't matter.  Then he plugs his movie.  And I didn't write down the title....so.....he's in a movie. 

 

Ryan points out that Kara and Randy seemed to be more on point this week, while Simon was way off base.  Now, dim the lights.  Blah blah blah, fake suspense....yada yada yada,  Drama is safe.  Dumbo is going home.  The saved one...is no longer safe.  Now we get to see his Idol Journey.  He's trying to hold it together and you know, I think he'll be ok.  Not a superstar, but he'll be ok.  The cat with 9 lives....there's the title to your first album Dumbo.  And since you've managed not to bawl your eyes out and run crying from the stage, now you must sing for us.  Next week is rock and roll week, which is cool except AI never seems to understand what rock is....Slash is the mentor which is hi-larious to me....how many of these kiddies don't know who Slash is?  I'm guessing enough to make me nauseous.  Seacrest thanks everyone.  Thank you and goodnight.

 

Down to four.  Close to the end.  I'm starting to have panic attacks....

 

GO CAPITALS!!!!!

Later gators,

Heather

I am so far behind in this stuff it is unreal.  The Capitals won on Saturday, I am sure you are all dying to know.  My beloved Caps!  Rock the Red!!  Ok, anyway.  So back to 24-land.  Meet Tricia the Lawyer.  She is on her way to the White House but in true 24 fashion, she gets gassed first.  And then drugged some more.  Someone is literally stealing her identity.  This show is enough to make you paranoid. 

 

Tony is waiting for the cavalry and then he shoots himself.  Nice.  Maybe you should shoot yourself again, just to be safe.  Tony tells Bad Guy #19 to stay put, he’s still got to figure out how to get him in the clear. 

 

Back at the FBI, Kim says good bye to Dumbdumb.  No one can change Jack’s mind, yeah yeah we know.  Why don’t they just wait till he goes nuts and then do the procedure?  He won’t be able to say no then….But Kim is glad she got to talk to Papa.  Then Dumbdumb finds out Larry is dead.  She is a deer in the headlights, and not in that endearing way that makes you go ooooooooooo….how sad.  More like the way that makes you want to smack her in the face.  Hard.  Now she’s in charge.  Greeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaat.  Pull yourself woman!  She tells Fake-Chloe that Someone has to notify Larry’s ex that he’s dead, but she doesn’t think it should be her.  Uh huh.  Jack is still in debriefing.  He’s repeating himself a lot.  He’s losing it.  Then he wonders off and walks in on Dumbdumb’s briefing.  Dumbdumb tells Jack that Larry is dead…and he might be a little sad about that or it could just be the brain-eating disease effecting his facial expressions. 

 

Tony the Terrible is eavesdropping on the security sweep of the area and after he figures out the entire protocol he calls Bad Guy #19 to give him a way out.  Tony wants him to blow up the FBI.  Nice.  Nice and subtle.  Just as Dumbdumb is about to take off in the helicopter, Jack jumps in.  Dumbdumb is like whatever. 

 

Fake Tricia is at the White House.  The President hears about Larry and of course has no idea what is going on.  Olivia thinks that JV is behind it.  The President remembers what JV said about this being the tip of the iceberg.  She wants JV to go to the FBI to be interrogated.  But Fake Tricia is going to have something to say about that first, she’s in JV’s cell.  He knows it’s not her.  He wants to know how she’s going to get him out.  She says this is difficult.  He jeopardized the plan.  He developed the bio weapon for somebody else.  Very cryptic.  He wants to talk to Them.  And she says, your family will be safe if you commit suicide.  So she gives him a cyanide pill.  Olivia walks in, cuts off this lovely conversation and says we’re moving.  Babye.  Fake Tricia is on the phone with Them, she says it’s taken care of.  Tony is calling her too, he’s her guy.  This is extremely confusing, in a really annoying way.  Does anyone else have the feeling we’re going in a big circle.  Them is probably the White House.  Or Aliens.  Those are my two guesses.

 

Bad Guy #19 is in an abandoned apartment building.  He is setting up the FBI-killing C4.  Jack tries to talk to Dumbdumb and say he’s sorry about Larry.  It’s alright to be feeling what you’re feeling.  Don’t pretend like you’re not feeling anything.  And Dumbdumb gets bitchy as usual, don’t tell me what to feel.  Have I mentioned how much I hate her?  Tony sees Jack get out of the helicopter….uh oh.  Dumbdumb wants to see dead Larry.  That wasn’t a good idea.  Jack says it doesn’t add up.  Jack knows someone else was involved.  Now Tony is in trouble, but Jack’s not onto him yet. 

 

Jack isn’t doing well.  Tony follows him and sees him injecting himself with the anti-seizure meds.  You basically killed him too, Tony.  Bad Guy #19 killed one of the agents and then calls in to draw FBI to the bomb building.  Jack can’t go with her because he’s about to die.  Tony watches Jack like a hawk. 

 

JV takes the pill in the van on the way to the FBI.  Now they’re taking him to the hospital.  Dumbdumb and the Feds are going into the bomb building.  Then the debriefer calls Jack about a name Jack said he got from Tony.  Vincent Carter?  Jack gets off the phone before he figures out that Tony is Terrible.  He wants a map overlay of the transponder codes on the walkies for the Feds.  Jacks knows it’s a trap, tells them to evacuate, but it’s too late.  Of course.  The building explodes.  Jack tells the Feds to stand fast, he knows exactly what is going on.  Don’t let the canister out.  Bad Guy #19 is now in FBI gear.  Tony runs into the building to “help”.  Jack can’t get Dumbdumb on the walkie and for a brief shining moment I think she is dead but of course not, Jack finds her….disappointingly alive.  Renee says it’s like they knew.  I think Jack just figured it out. 

 

He calls the debriefer and figures out the Tony was lying about Vincent Carter.  Tony gets Bad Guy #19 into an ambulance before Jack confronts him.  Jack says if you were lying, I’d kill you myself.  Tony is like I couldn’t tell you about Carter, I made a deal with him not to say anything if he gave me the intel and Jack is like there is no such thing as a meaningless lie.  He is so ridiculously sel-righteous.  Tony says you’re not thinking straight.  Jack knows it’s him.  Tony says its paranoia.  Jack goes into seizures.  Tony takes the gun.  Then he basically confesses but Jack can do nothing and at this point I am hurling things at the television screen.  Bad Guy #19 kills the EMT and then holds the driver at gunpoint.  The end.

 

This show makes me crazy.

Later gators,

Heather

Ok, first things first.  The Capitals won.  WOOOHOOO!  The Capitals….WON!!  This is very exciting.  Now we get to play the Pens…which is also very exciting.  The Hubby is growing his play-off charity beard which is getting a little annoying….but I don’t even care about that.  The Capitals won.  This new goalie, Varlamov, is 21 years old.  He just turned 21 on Monday.  He’s amazing.  And he saved the series for us.  Rock the Red, people.  Rock the Red.  This town is a hockey town again and I love it.

 

Back to American Idol.  We’re down to five.  The fab five.  This week the kiddies are singing tunes from the Rat Pack.  Nice.  I love these songs….but then, anything is better than disco.  Ryan has a nice black suit on with a nice black tie.  Randy is wearing a grey cardigan, Kara is donning the turquoise, Paula looks like a big red bow on a Christmas present and Simon is going a little crazy with a slate grey t-shirt.  The kiddies are all wearing suits….except for Red of course, who has a cute little dress on.  The mystery this week was centered around who their mentor would be, since obviously Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr, Dean Martin, Joey Bishop and Peter Lawford are all dead.  Which Kermit Kris delicately pointed out to everybody.  So….after some pretty stupid editing trying to make the thing all suspenseful, we find out that it’s Jamie Fox.  Ok.  I get that.  He sings…and he’s actually pretty good.  And he’s a performer, so he’ll understand this.  Maybe a slightly little bit more than, oh say….Quentin Tarantino.

 

Kermit Kris is singing first.  He picked ‘The Way You Look Tonight’.  Jamie loved him and wants to do a record together.  That was nice….but I don’t think he was being nice….I think he was being serious.  The performance is beautiful.  And he’s adorable.  Randy thought it was a great song, his best performance.  Kara said he set the technical standard very high and he has great diction and phrasing.  Paula thinks he has transitioned well to a handsome sophisticated gentleman (as opposed to shopping in the woman’s department).  Simon thinks the performance was a little bit wet.  And I have absolutely no idea what that means….must be a British thing.  Then he compared Kris to a well-trained spaniel.  AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….Paula wishes….I think he liked it, but I’m not totally sure.  I am totally sure that Kris is totally safe.

 

Red is singing next and we get to find out that she just turned 17.  Doesn’t somebody always have a birthday on this show?  So she picked ‘Someone to Watch Over Me’, which is a lovely song.  Jamie said, you’re too young to be in love so you must be talking about your family, sing to them.  That was some great advice, which I think Red took to heart.  It’s a very pretty performance, a perfect last note.  I really liked it.  Randy said he thought this would be tough for her, but he thinks she looks like Britney Murphy and sounds like Pink with about 9,000 more octaves to her voice.  HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.  So, I guess that means he liked it.  Kara says she’s not nervous for Red anymore, it was a gut-wrenching deep emotional performance.  Really Kara?  Gut-wrenching?  Paula says Red has an innocent sensibility, both alluring and very tender.  Simon says I don’t think you believe you can win….I have a horrible feeling you could be in trouble.  I get what he’s saying, I do.  But I like her.  Seacrest suggests she get a little ego.  Great….tell that to a 17 year old.  Like throwing gas on a flame.

 

Dumbo is up after the break.  He’s excited about this week, he thinks it’s his wheelhouse.  He’s got his cute little hat on and he picked ‘My Funny Valentine’.  Jamie didn’t say anything and then he did.  He suggested Dumbo sing it in a lower key, which I think was a good call.  He’s sitting on a stool, center stage.  It’s very nice.  But not the best so far and not the best we’re gonna hear tonight, I’m pretty certain.  Randy said you picked one of the hardest songs to sing, it was a little pitchy, 6 out of 10.  Kara says you gotta be the leader of the pack, I don’t think you were emotionally connected to the song.  Paula says she loved everything….and then wiped the drool off her bow.  Simon says he disagrees with…..<suspenseful pause>….Randy.  He thinks Dumbo gave the only believable, authentic performance of the night so far, absolutely brilliant  I think he might change his mind after he hears that back….I think Dumbo will go next.  Just based on popularity.

 

Ironman is fourth.  He is singing ‘Come Rain or Come Shine’, another nice song.  Jamie got right up in his grill while he was practicing.  <chuckle>  It probably helped him, actually.  He has such a nice tone to his voice and he’s singing this one a little gravelly, which sounds great.  I really liked that.  A good bluesy feel, he built it up.  Nice, very nice.  Randy says you are the only one who can have albums and win.  Wow….you think so, Randy?  The ONLY one?  Kara says he has swag <sigh>…..she called it unbelievable.  Like your English, Kara.  Paula said it was stellar performance.  Simon says you have swagger and confidence, you proved a point with your vocals, your performance was outstanding, he gives props to Ricky for a great arrangement and thanks Jamie for giving the good advice.  Wow….

 

Last but certainly not least….is Drama.  I still don’t like this guy very much, but it is becoming more and more difficult to say anything bad about him.  Jamie listened to his practice and then goes – ‘Whaaaaaaaaaat?!?’  heehee….then he sings.  He walks down the stairs, commands the stage, blows everybody away with his voice.  That was a showstopper.  Damn damn.  Randy says he knows he sounds like a broken record, but even though he thought it was a little theatrical, Drama is in the zone.  Kara says he shocks and confuses her <big surprise> and then she called it sleazy and superb.  Paula says words cannot describe you, it was better than good, you’re our Michael Phelps.  <shaking my head>  Simon thinks that Randy complaining about it being too theatrical is like complaining that a cow moos.  Winning is important, and you want to win.  Best entrance so far.  He tells Ryan he can’t use those stairs anymore.  HAHAHAHAHAHA….yeah, right?

 

So anyway….I think Dumbo will go, but it could be Red.  I think Danny boy and Dramadama will be in the finals….maybe.  Could be Kris and Drama….but right at this exact moment, I think it will be Danny.

 

Later gators,

Heather

It’s go time people.  The show opens with recap recap recap….just in case you missed last night or have forgotten what happened in the last 24 hours….Ryan reminds us no one is safe.  He’s wearing a dark blue or black suit (I can’t tell) and a polka dot tie.  He always looks nice now.  Happy Earth Day and all that.  Apparently, David Archuletta is singing tonight.  Great.  Archie is back.  Good ol’ squinty eyes.  45 million votes were cast and now here are your judges.  Randy has a black button up on, Kara is wearing a strapless green number, Paula is very glitzy tonight, and Simon is wearing a grey sweater.

 

Now we find out why Paula is so dressed up tonight.  She was the choreographer for the kiddies’ group performance.  Oh, ho ho ho….really?  Finally….Paula doing something she excels at.  You have to admit, as nutty as she is, she really can dance.  So Ms. Abdul gets to introduce the song and we get to see the short little dress she is wearing.  Of course she looks amazing in it.  The song the kiddies are “singing” is obviously pre-recorded.  There is no chance they could sing and dance at the same time….and they are not very good at lip synching.  Heehee.  It was a cool dance, I wasn’t listening to the music.  The kiddies got some flowers for Paula, which was very very nice.

 

Time for the Ford music video brainwashing message.  The video was to “I’m Good, I’m Gone.”  I have no idea what this was about, very random, made no sense….except now I have a weird urge to buy a new car.

 

Seacrest says, dim the lights.  Time for the results.  Lil, please stand up.  Ok, so she is in the bottom three….well, he didn’t actually say she was in the bottom three, he just said please stand on this side of the stage.  And without any real fanfare, she is booted off the show.  Done.  That’s it.  Sayonara.  See ya later.  Oh wait, first sing again, and no I didn’t listen to this.  After it’s over though, Paula goes, why didn’t you sing like this last night?  Hahahahaha…nice Paula, rub salt in the wound.  Like singing better would have helped.  Randy says this is just the beginning for you.  Simon says he’s still a big fan, and he’ll miss Lil’s family screaming behind him.  Kara says, I think you learned something on this show, and manages to make it sound extremely condescending.  After Lil goes, there is an all-star disco music medley.  <pause>  Oh sweet Jesus.  No, I did not listen to this.  Not even a little.  I forwarded through the whole thing, I didn’t even pay attention to who was singing.  I’m a bad blogger and I don’t care. 

 

Now it’s time to find out the bottom three.  Kermit Kris please stand up.  He is safe, of course, and more adorable than ever.  Dramadama please stand up, nevermind, shut up and sit down, you’re safe.  Ironman, please stand up.  Oh, he is adorable too.  He’s safe and he thinks he knows what Simon meant by clumsy.  Anoop de Loop Loop is next and yeah, yeah, yeah, America still hates you Anoop.  He’s in the bottom three, and I think he kind of knew that.  Red and Dumbo are standing up now.  It’s gotta be Matt, right?  Nope.  America, you suck.  Red is in the bottom, well two I guess.  Dumbo is safe.  Wha-WHAT?!?!  <sigh>  I’ll be really annoyed if she goes before Anoop.

Archie is singing ‘Touch My Hand’…is he smaller than he was before?  Maybe he’s shrinking.  And is this flat?  No, maybe it’s just me still not liking him.  He’s smiling, this big cheesy grin, but the lyrics sound kind of sad to me….huh.  And he is flat.  And squinting.  So glad he lost.  He’s going on tour this summer….isn’t everybody.  He tells Red and Anoop that there are so many opportunities after Idol, yes dears, your lives will not be over when you inevitably lose this competition.  Ok, get off the stage Squint.

 

We’re down to Anoop and Red.  Time to find out who the second person voted out is – it’s Anoop.  Allison is safe.  Thank goodness.  She’s the only girl left.  And because the show has managed to be on time again, we get to see a recap of Lil and Anoop’s Idol journeys.  The Mom and 13.  Babye.  Thanks to everyone and goodnight.

 

Later gators,

Heather

Ok people.  Monday night was hockey night in DC...or rather NY.  The game was on at the same time as 24 and Heroes.  And 24 lost the DVR battle....I will have to watch it online....when I get a chance....but you know I do have a full-time job so hold yourselves together for a few days.  I have not forgotten about this.

Time for the sweet seven.  Again.  Here’s Ryan in a dark grey suit and a black tie.  It’s disco week and I want to shoot myself in the head…..I cannot stand this type of music.  Was that Vince Neil in the audience?  Probably wondering what happened to ‘Home Sweet Home’ and why the Idolers don’t play his version instead of Carrie Underwear’s version.  <sigh>  They’re 80’s babies Vince….they probably don’t even know who you are.  Welcome judges – Randy looks very comfortable in a t-shirt, Kara is wearing fuchsia….which is actually a nice color on her and a difficult word to spell, Paula is in a weird lace-up thing and Simon has on his Tuesday shirt.  And pretty much without any hesitation Ryan pushes Lil onto the stage to get the party started.

 

Lil is singing ‘I’m Every Woman’….probably just so I can reiterate to myself how much I hate this music genre.  <sigh>  She’s got a black unitard on and looks pretty good in it.  The singing is ok, I guess….but I hate this song.  Randy says yo, that didn’t show your vocal control.  Kara says America was waiting to hear you sing this <were we?> but you didn’t come through.  Paula says Lil was on complete vocal rest the day before and she has made a remarkable comeback, and then she says you’re hot tonight but you didn’t hit the boiling point.  Seriously, who is writing this crap for her.  Simon says, you look so sad.  Lil explains she had fun and Simon replies, well I’m glad because that is probably your last performance.  Lil disagrees completely.  Oh hon….the judges have been trying to get rid of you for weeks.  It’s weird how much everybody is against her, is she really missing the mark that much….and more than some of the others?  Yeah, I guess she kind of is…

 

Chris with a K is singing second.  He picked ‘She Works Hard for the Money’….and explains it’s a song that says something about a woman working hard.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  I always thought it was about a prostitute…but then I never listened that closely to the lyrics.  It’s a nice acoustic version of the song, he’s playing the guitar, a nice arrangement….easy to listen to and not dreadful disco.  That was really cool!  Kara says the risk paid off big time, showed us something about you.  Paula said it had a classy Santana feel and then she said there are not many men willing to shop in the women’s department.  <sigh>  And you can just tell that she thought that was really clever.  Simon needs a translator to understand Paula….me too.  He called it original, well thought out, a fantastic performance.  Randy says you know who you are….<pause>…..you’re ready for the big time.  Good, good.  I agree.  Kermit Kris is definitely ready.  I think he may be in the finale with Drama.

 

Seacrest pushes Ironman onto the stage….he’s singing Earth, Wind & Fire – September.  He sounds nice, but here’s a song I really can’t stand.  It just gets my hackles up….so I focus on Danny boy’s cute smile and his weirdly bad dancing.  Randy says he knows how hard Danny worked on that song and it worked for him.  Kara says she was kind of worried about him, but you are an amazing vocalist, your pitch is always right on, solid.  Paula says you’re amazing, blah blah, vocal agility, brilliant, sexiest voice.  Get a hold of yourself Paula.  Simon says he can’t fault the vocals, the arrangement was good, but it was a clumsy performance.  He’s looking for more star power.

 

QUICK!!  Get Red on the stage!!!  What is the problem tonight?  Is the stage on fire?  I say nyet, cause they’re Russian the crap out of this show.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Oh, I crack myself up.  Red is singing ‘Hot Stuff’….what in the world is she wearing?  You know, if the singing doesn’t work for her she should design clothes….unless this is what all 16 year olds wear….it’s kind of weird.  She is way too young for this song, but her rock voice is helping a lot with the performance.  I don’t think Red liked it too much, her face at the end showed she was kind of disappointed.  Randy says he didn’t love the arrangement, but she is one of the best singers…..ok.  Kara says yeah, whatever Randy said.  Man, she is useless.  Paula says the word compromise doesn’t belong in your vocabulary.  Very clever Paula.  Simon says, this week you were definitely the underdog, but all things considered, that was brilliant.

 

Dramadama is thrown onto the stage to chat it up with Ryan….he has very good posture.  He is singing ‘If I Can’t Have You’…..in the spotlight, center stage.  He’s kind of cry-screaming, with his scrunchy face.  And if I don’t look at him, this is very very good.  They show Paula….<dear Lord>…..pull yourself together woman!  Randy says you show us your range all the time, you are ready right now, he is a hot one tonight.  Kara says you’re brilliant.  Why does she enunciate every word so exactly….it’s a little snotty.  I can’t think of anything else I hate about her at this exact moment but if I do later, I’ll let you know.  She calls him a mix of SNL guy, Clark Kent and Elvis.  Great.  Paula tells us she has a visceral response to Drama singing.  Blah blah blah….I didn’t listen to anything else because I kind of cringed at the first part and then out of sheer trauma blocked everything else out.  Simon says it’s always something we weren’t expecting, original, memorable, vocals were immaculate.  Then Seacrest refers to Paula as a pool a Abdul.  HAHAHAHAHAHA.  That was actually funny Ryan.

 

Dumbo is singing now, the saved one.  He picked Stayin’ Alive, which Ryan calls a metaphor for his life.  Um.  No.  It’s not a metaphor….technically, “staying alive” would be your life.  Unless Ryan was trying to say, a metaphor for his Idol life….which is obviously what he was trying to say Heather you snob.  <shaking my head>.  It’s his Justin Timberlake impersonation and I always like it when he does this, with that cute little crooked hat.  A little hip.  And a little hop.  And a cute dimply smile.  I liked it, personally.  I thought it was pretty friggin good.  Randy says, check it out, didn’t like the song choice or the arrangement, but you can really sing.  Yeah….that’s why you saved him, Randy.  Remember?  Kara says you brought back the disco groove and whatever Randy said.  Paula says you pick songs like I bowl…..<blackout>………..Simon didn’t like it, he says you need to get yourself out of Idol Land.  Idol Land?  That sounds like a place I would like to visit….he said it was desperate, no originality, vocals weren’t great, sorry.  No you’re not.  You’re not sorry….but we’re sorry you apparently wasted that save.

 

Anoop de Loop Loop is singing last tonight.  He’s got a mustache, that’s cute.  He’s got a pink and grey suit and sweater vest on….he looks like a mouse.  I’m think to myself what the hell is the name of this song….but it was Dim The Lights….that wasn’t Ryan giving stage directions, that was the name of the song.  It’s kind of a boring song…..that’s all I can really say.  I’m done with the disco….my ears don’t work anymore.  Randy says he didn’t love the arrangement, but you can sing also, nice baby nice.  Kara says great song choice, sounded like it should be on the radio.  Paula says real men know how to wear pink…………<blackout>……………..and then I regained consciousness long enough to hear her say she thinks he has beautiful teeth…………<blackout>……………..Simon thought it was mediocre at best, it was a horrible version of the song, Anoop’s worst performance ever.  Seacrest invites everybody to vote for Pretty in Pink.  <chuckle>  Ryan is on fire. 

 

And apparently after all the complaining and juggling and time management classes, they actually figured out how to end a show on time.  YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY American Idol.

 

I think it’s Lil and Anoop.  But it could be Dumbo.

 

Later gators,

Heather

So Ryan walks out in a black suit and a ….<pause>….is that paisley?  Yeah, a paisley tie and gives us the opener – This…..is………American…………<wait for it>…………<and wait some more>………….Idol.  Tonight we get to hear Miley Cyrus and Jennifer Hudson.  We also get to end someone’s dream.  <clapping and cheering>  YAAAAAAAAAAAY!  Seacrest reminds us about the summer tour where we can see all the losers.  Randy is wearing lavender.  Huh.  Really Randy?  Lavender?  Kara is wearing purple too but manages to make it look garish and cheap like she makes everything else look.  Paula has another pretty boob shelf on and Simon….<shaking my head>…..is wearing his Wednesday shirt.  His hair is really starting to bother me. 

 

We start right in with the Ford music video horror show.  The kiddies are all magazine covers, singing to Freeze Frame.  A little creepy but not as bad as last week.  The group song this week is from the movie Flashdance….80’s movie classic…..and the song is Maniac.  I thought Kris was really good, but I’m starting to like him more and more.  The finale is just over a month away…..the Hubby isn't even here to appreciate that statement.  Drama is talking about Quentin and how he uses music in his movies….yes,yes….we get it…..the bloggers were in an uproar over why in the world Quentin Tarantino would be mentoring.  We also get another glimpse into the movie star lives the kiddies are leading now.  This week they apparently got to go the movie premiere for 17 Again, a Zac Ephron feel good all over pet a dog and save the planet movie.  They got to meet him.  Wow, he’s kind of an airhead, isn’t he?

 

Ok, so time for some results.  Red is safe, but I think we knew that.  Dramadama is safe and we definitely knew that.  Anoop is safe….oh wait, of course he’s not safe because America hates him.  Anoop is in the bottom three regardless of how well he did last night.

 

Jennifer Hudson is here to sing ‘If This Isn’t Love’ off her new album.  She looks good and it’s a pretty song, but I’m sorry to admit I fast forwarded through most of it.  Poor Anoop de Loop Loop, nobody likes you.  Simon thinks he deserves to be there….ouch!  The Cowell is not holding back any punches anymore.  Simon says Kris was brilliant, that’s who is waiting to hear the result next.  Lil is standing too….but Simon doesn’t say anything about her…..and of course it’s Lil.  She’s in the bottom.  Kris is absolutely adorable with that Kermit grin….is he really married?  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA….oooooo….starting to sound like Paula…..must slap myself back into reality.  Now we’re waiting to hear about Dumbo and Ironman.  Oh please.  This is a no-brainer.  The ears or the widow.  Please.  Danny is safe and Matt is in the bottom three….duuuuuuuuuuuh.  So it’s Anoop, Lil and Dumbo.  And of course then Ryan picks out one person to send back to the safe side of the stage, the one person they just wanted to point out was in the bottom three for no real reason except to give them a complex and that person is Anoop de Loop Loop.  Well good.  He did sing pretty well last night, after all.

 

Now it’s time to listen to Miss Hannah Montana.  The name Miley reminds me of Smiley.  And that’s all I can think of during this entire performance…..that and the fact that she is tiny.  And how old?  16?  She looks older here….kind of a nasally voice, but hey that's the country in her.  Smiley is a good performer at least, lots of energy.

 

Simon says there is one person he would consider saving….hmmmm…..I think he’s talking about Lil.  I think.  Time for the moment of truth according to Melodrama Ryan.  There were 36 million votes cast and Lil is safe.  Matt is the biggest loser and so now he has to sing.  I think it sounded better than last night but the judges are deliberating.  No chance they use the save on this guy….right?  No chance.  Simon says he doesn’t think Dumbo has a chance to win, and you can hear it coming….but guess what?  It’s good news.  WHAT?!?!?  What did he just say?  Am I going maaaaaaaaaaaaaaad?  Dumbo has been saved and Melodrama says….history has been made.  <cringe>  Really Ryan?  This moment will be recorded in the annals of time?  Really?  Ok, so time for the bad news – two kiddies are going home next week.  And the really bad news – next week is disco week.  <groan>  Great.

 

Later gators,

Heather

Only seven are left!  We’re getting closer and closer.  Here’s Ryan in a black suit and a polka dot tie.  Cute Ryan…very springy.  The theme this week is music from the movies.  Cool.  I’m a huge movie fan!  And the guest mentor this week is none other than……………….Quentin Tarantino!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  That’s awesome!  I love him!  He’s so creepy and such a fantastically amazing director.  And so creepy.  And tall.  And creepy.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.  The Hubby was trying to figure out during the whole show what he could possibly have to say about singing…and it wasn’t much, he basically commented on their performance and gave them advice on how to appeal to the audience.  Which makes sense….he’s a director.  Now Seacrest says hello to the band for like the first time ever….Ricky is in a suit, looking spiffy.  And here are our judges – Randy in a really grotesque blue, yellow and brown cardigan, Kara in a gray strapless number, Paula in her glitz and glamour, and Simon….<shaking my head>…..desperately needing a new do and wearing his Tuesday gray.  Simon points out that the show ran over last week because the girls were talking too much.  HAHAHAHA….I see.  That makes sense.  So because Kara and Paula babble too much, only two judges are going to get to comment on each kiddie tonight.  First Paula and Simon and then Randy and Kara.  So Simon doesn’t get to comment on everyone….this will be interesting.  Why not just get rid of Kara?  Wouldn’t that be what everybody prefers?  Seacrest tells all the teenagers in the audience who Quentin Tarantino is….<sigh>…..please, if you haven’t already, watch Reservoir Dogs.  Great movie.

 

So Red is the first up to sing tonight.  She picked “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” by Aerosmith.  I love this song.  She’s got a cute outfit on, although I don’t really get those shirt/dresses all the kids are wearing….I thought her performance was pretty good.  Lots of energy.  Katie Couric is in the audience.  And Steven Van Zant.  Paula tells her she possesses the same special sauce as Adam.  ?????  Simon is mumbling in the background that it’s barbecue sauce.  HAHAHAHAHAHA.  He can’t stand it when Paula tries to be clever.  Paula calls her remarkable and talented.  Simon thinks she’s the Girl’s only hope…and considering there are only two girls left….that’s saying a lot.  He thinks she’s getting better every week, more confident, you’re believing you could win and that could take you all the way to the end….hmmmm….maybe.  I don’t see a girl winning this year though.  But Simon loves this girl, I don’t think she has anything to worry about.

 

Anoop de Loop Loop is singing next.  He picked “Everything I Do, I Do For You” by Bryan Adams.  I LOVE this song.  I must have played it 8 billion times when it came out….over and over and over.  Love it.  But I can’t really picture Anoop singing it with the same effect as Bryan Adams….but he sounds great.  I mean really great.  That was really beautiful.  Randy says you’re rocking the house, really good job, congrats.  Kara says you’ve found your place with pop songs, one of your best performances, you made some good changes and I felt like you connected with the song.  Yeah, yeah.  But America hates you Anoop….not sure why…..but watch, he’ll probably be in the bottom three again.

 

Dramadama is singing in the middle of the pack this week.  He picked “Born to Be Wild”.  I am hopefully optimistic now…..now that he hasn’t butchered a song in a while.  He’s got a very Billy Idol look going on this week….back into his punk rocker style….black fingernail polish.  <sigh>  It sounded a little bad in parts, but he really mixed it up.  It was a fantastic performance and he does that rocker scream perfectly.  Paula is totally freaking out.  The audience is going nuts.  Then Paula says, the reason you’re shaking up this competition is you dare to dance in the path of greatness.  <shaking my head>  And then she says, fortune favors the brave.  Wow.  Really Paula?  Pull yourself together.  This is embarrassing.  Simon says please learn how to express yourself.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  British humor.   He said parts of it were very good and parts of it reminded him of the Rocky Horror Picture Show.  <chuckle>  Ok Simon.  He thinks it won’t be as popular as last week’s performance and I think he’s right.  But still, this kid is the front runner.  By far and away.

 

Dumbo is singing now.  He picked “Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman”, another song by Bryan Adams.  He’s at the piano for this one.  It’s a beautiful song…but he’s no Bryan Adams.  That’s too bad…I think he’s a lot better than this.  It sounds kind of off.  Randy says it started off kind of cool and the melody went away.  He says keep it simple, it wasn’t one of your best.  Kara said……I don’t know what the hell she is saying…..it’s all over the place.  Basically the same thing Randy said.  I think Dumbo is in trouble this week.

 

Ironman is up now.  He’s telling Ryan he bought a guitar and decided he wants to learn to play.  Ok.  Sounds like a good way to pass the time…He’s singing “Endless Love”.  <sigh>  With a harp?  <quizzical look>  Huh?  It’s kind of a boring song…but he’s a great singer.  I was kind of hoping for something else.  But he’s been singing to his wife all season so tonight won’t be any different.  Awwwwww…Paula calls it magic, unique and unforgettable.  Simon says we know you’re a brilliant singer, but he’s disappointed with the version.  He did acknowledge the song obviously meant a lot to Danny.  <smile>  Yeah.  This is the only sob story I’m still rooting for….

 

Chris with a K is next.  He picked “Falling Softly” from the movie Once.  I have no idea who sings it on the soundtrack.  And I haven’t seen the movie.  But it’s a pretty song….he decided to sing without his guitar.  I don’t know why….but I really like this.  It was soft and sad and beautiful.  Then Randy says it never caught on for him…pitchy from note one.  What?!?!  What are you listening to Randy?  He’s wrong.  Ignore him Kris.  Then Kara says, it’s difficult to pick an obscure song no one knows, but I thought that was one of your best moments ever.  HA.  Take that Randy.  And how about Kara for saying something meaningful that I actually listened to?  Right?  First time for everything, I guess.  Tell me they are not running out of time……how hard is it, really?....to stick to a schedule.

 

Last tonight is Lil.  The other girl.  The one no one (meaning Simon) thinks is going to win.  Come on girl.  I really want to see you do well.  She picked “The Rose”.  <sigh>  I’m not really into this song….I never have been.  Usually women with amazingly great voices sing it….which is probably the only reason I have listened to it in the past.  Lil decides to put a little gospel into the middle of it, which suits her.  A very pretty performance.  A very pretty last note.  Paula says it is one of the most beautiful songs, and Lil has been down a worthwhile road….there was a lot more to that….but I’m afraid my head will explode if I really try to listen to Miss Abdul too much.  And then Simon – he says I think you’re getting this completely wrong, it was too soft, too middle of the road.  Why is he so harsh on her?  Lil speaks up and says, I put my own spin on it, an R&B spin.  Simon remains unconvinced, he says you are not the singer we knew at the beginning of the competition.  Ouch.  She is in trouble.  No doubt.  I wonder what she did to piss him off so much….

 

But she may not be the next to go.  I think Dumbo is definitely in trouble too….and we already know that Anoop will be in the bottom three….because he’s always in the bottom three.  Could be any one of them.

 

Later gators,

Heather

 

p.s.  Speaking of movies....this one is practically writing itself.  If you haven't seen this clip from Britain's Got Talent, take a listen.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

 

 

Welcome back to 24-land people.  We’re in the wee hours of the morning this week.  Which is what it feels like to get up and motivate myself for a drive into the City.  Beautiful downtown Baltimore.  Crack capital of the world.  <sigh>  I hate this city.  I really do.  If I had to work here all the time….<shaking my head>…..I would probably renounce my auditing ways and become a librarian.  <psst, I already have the haircut for that job…and the sweaters…..and the glasses>.  Of course I wouldn’t do that in this economy, but if I didn’t need money to survive….that is what I would do.  So it’s rainy and gloomy and miserable out.  Let me brighten up your day with a little recap of last night’s thriller episode.  It’s 1 am in 24-land.  Jack is still dying, although now they’re dangling the million to one odds of his survival in our faces.  Tony found the missiles.  The President was just about to bomb the crap out of Starkwood when JV calls and tells her to stop or he’ll blow up some cities.  He’s on his way to the White House.  So now you’re caught up.

 

Tony is still at Starkwood loitering around outside of the bomb building.  Jack calls to tell him that the airstrike has been cancelled and he has to get out of there.  And Tony is like what the hell.  And Jack is like, I knoooooooooooow.  Tony is being nosy and spying on some tanker truck that just pulled into the compound.  He thinks the President called off the airstrike because they have surface to surface missiles stockpiled here….the tanker truck is apparently pumping rocket fuel into an underground bunker.  [I had to rewind the stupid DVR like three times to figure this out by the way….you’re welcome.] 

 

Back at the White House and the FBI liaison guy, is it Tom or Tim?  Anyway, whatever his name is, he’s asking the President if she knows what she is doing.  And she’s getting all snippy with him.  She tells him that JV is coming to the White House and he’s like, huh?  And she yells, stop asking me questions!  And make sure no one sees him.  Then Jack calls to find out what the hell is going on.  He doesn’t believe her story and then he tells her about the missiles….and she just blabs it all out.  Yes, missile attacks were threatened, yes JV is on his way here.  Wasn’t she supposed to be keeping this a secret?  That lasted about five minutes, didn’t it?  Jack tells the President that Tony can blow up the rocket fuel.  She tells him that the missiles will be launched if Tony is caught.  Jack says trust me, it will work because I thought of it and my plans never fail.  And then she asks him how long he has to live?  <pause>  Huh?  Stay on topic here lady.  Jack says, not long.  But then I’ll be miraculously saved by an experimental procedure in the nick of time.  The President doesn’t authorize anything but says, do what you think is right.  You know….if everybody told him that…..this whole mess probably could have been taken care of hours ago.

 

JV gets to the White House is being very smug.  He compliments #2 on the ruse with Tony.

 

Dumbdumb calls Agent Larry and asks him if he’s ok with this.  And he says, yes.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Finally….Agent Larry is becoming cool.  We don’t need no stinkin’ Presidential approval!!  He may just be saying that so he can get a date with Dumbdumb....but whatever.  Jack calls Tony back and confirms he can blow up the fuel without getting caught….Tony says yes…..and it’s ON.  The bad guys are fueling the tanks.  They call the Evil Scientist guy and say they’ll be done in a few minutes.  One of the bad guys does another perimeter sweep.  When he leaves, Tony jumps in and beats up the other two guys.  But there’s a third guy out there!  Wait!!  Tony there’s another bad guy lurking about in the shadows somewhere!!  Ooooooooh…..this is not good.

 

JV is meeting with the President and says this whole thing is about Starkwood fulfilling its purpose….of dominating the world.  He says he was “deeply saddened” by all the dead people but they weren’t his fault.  Yeah….cause you’re insane.  He wants to do some business so he pitches the private army involvement in all US military strategy.  He wants a seat at the table.  The fifth branch of the military.  Ummmmmm…am I retarded?  I thought there were five branches to the military <counting on my fingers> - Army, Marines, Navy, Air Force, Coast Guard…..that’s five right?  Are they not all branches?  Is one a twig?  <sigh>  I don’t understand military stuff.  But I do know JV’s idea is totally nuts.  The President calls it blackmail.  And he’s like…yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.

 

Back at Starkwood, Tony sets the charges in the bunker and then brings the bad guy that wasn’t knocked unconscious back up to ground level.  Third guy, Tony!!!  Look out for the third guy!!!  Where is that third guy?!?!?  But the two of them that are there end up fighting back, one of them sets off the alarm.  The Evil Scientist is like, ok launch the missiles.  And the Good Scientist says, maybe we should think about this….and the Evil Scientist says you’re a schlub, out of my way, I have the codes anyway, bruhahahahaha.  Does that say Clarksville?  <chuckle>  Funny.  No choosing civility now, huh HoCo.  Tony can’t reach the detonator that he very inconveniently dropped in a grate that happens to be out in the middle of the concrete for no apparent reason except to catch detonators.  But he finally gets it, sets off the charges, everything blows….including Tony I think......yup.  He's probably dead now.

 

JV is still reviewing the proposal with the President.  Boy….is he in for one rude awakening.  TimTom interrupts and tells the President that there was a massive explosion at Starkwood and the FBI is locking down the facility.  He doesn’t understand what happened….but obviously the President knows what is going on.  She says get me Jack Bauer on the phone when this is all over.  And take JV and #2 into custody, lock ‘em up and throw away the key.  JV is inconsolable.  My only crime was loving my country too much!!  Or something equally melodramatic….but then he says, this doesn’t end with me.  You have no idea what you’re up against.

 

No.  She probably doesn’t.  And we don’t either.  Will this never end!

 

Agent Larry is calling from the field, the weapons were destroyed, no word from Tony (probably disintegrated) and now Jack has a call from the President.  She thanks Jack for everything….and then he totally forgets what he was saying.  Uh oh.  That’s the first sign of getting old.  And fatal poisoning by neuro-toxin.  He’s losing it! 

 

Back at Starkwood, apparently they did find Tony.  He’s in handcuffs.  Agent Larry is real sorry about having to arrest him, but Tony says it’s time to answer for my crimes.  Good for you Tony, get a little redemption of your own.  They’re taking him back to the FBI.

 

Jack is talking to the doctor.  He can expect more memory loss, personality changes….and there’s nothing they can do for him.  Dumbdumb tells Jack that Kim is here and he starts screaming at her – Who the hell do you think you are?!?!?!  Yeah, Meddler.  Nobody likes a Meddler.  They meddle too much.  Meddler.  Jack says, now you’ve put in front of me the one thing that will make dying unbearable.  Awww….that is kind of sad.  Then Dumbdumb says, but Kim has been trying to find you all day, since the hearing this morning.  Wow….I can barely remember back that far.  So Jack is like, fine, where is she?  Huh, they got the same actress to play Kim.  Elisha Cuthbert.  She is so pretty.  And apparently all about forgiveness now.  Daddy’s little girl.  Jack says, I thought I was doing the best thing for you by staying away.  And she says, I’ve missed you so much.  And he says I’m sorry.  And she says I blamed you for all of my mistakes.  And she says I want to try to the million to one experimental treatment of your fatal dose of neuro-toxin.  And he says the risk is not worth taking.  And she says I don’t want to lose you.  Then he doubles over in pain and begs her to leave.  I’m begging you.  She’s crying, I’m crying.  I can’t believe she’s leaving, not sure I could.  Then he starts to cry….and that is kind of creepy…..and really really sad.

 

And then we see that third guy again.  Finally.  Maybe he needed a potty break.  He kills one of the FBI agents patrolling Starkwood but then gets caught by another agent.  He’s holding a canister of the bio-weapon in his backpack.  The second FBI guy calls it in to Agent Larry and then he gets shot.  The third bad guy gets into an FBI SUV and is off with his bio-weapon.  Fake Chloe finds him on the satellite tracking the transponder in the vehicle he stole.  Agent Larry and Tony are following in the helicopter.  Then the helicopter spots him and they have to land because the third bad guy ditches the car and is on the run.  He shoots the helicopter pilot.  There’s a firefight.  Get Tony a gun for crying out loud!!  Agent Larry is shot and Tony is trying to help him….the third bad guy comes up behind them and Larry is trying to warn Tony and then…..

 

 

Tony knows him?  What’s this? 

 

 

Holy s**t.  This is awesome.

 

 

Tony KNOWS him.  Like he’s in on it.  Like…..he’s a <gasp> bad guy!?!?!?  Then….as I am watching in a panic with my mouth hanging open….he just goes ahead and strangles Agent Larry to death….and now my eyes are popping out of my head.  This changes everything.  Tony tells the bad guy to take the canister and hide.  He’s waiting for the FBI and he’s going to try to distract them away so the other bad guy can get away…..and then it’s over.

 

This changes everything.  Honestly, I thought this show was getting a little slow, a little monotonous.  I didn’t think they could pull it back from the edge…..and they did.  Just when I think I might be justified in not watching anymore….they slap me in the face and throw a bucket of ice cold water on my head.  Nice.  I love it.  Can’t wait for next week.

 

Later gators,

Heather

It’s go-time.  The great eight will become the sweet seven.  And we’re getting closer and closer…..Here’s Ryan in a black suit, red tie.  Very nice, very nice.  Randy is wearing paisley, Kara is wearing purple, Paula is wearing ridiculous gloves, and Simon “Darth Vader” Cowell is wearing black.  Ok, first of all – cheers to Seacrest for referring to Simon as Darth Vader.  That is awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwesome.  Second….what the hell is wrong with Simon’s hair?  He looks like a nutter.  <smile>  p.s.  That is one of my new favorite words.  Ok, so the first filler of the night is more blabber on the year Simon was born….here’s a song from the year he was born – Venus.  Wow….really?  Mr. Frankie Avalon.  Guaranteed that 95% of the kids in this audience have no idea who he is….which is really unfortunate, because he’s actually there!  Wow.  He looks great.  But I have a feeling he took the same Dick Clark Fountain of Youth Sold My Soul to Satan elixir.  It is funny that he showed up because this is exactly what I needed to compare the Cowell’s hair to – a hair helmet.  It just looks really mashed down tonight for some reason…like he did it himself.  Simon says he thinks Ryan and Frankie look like twins.  Nope.  No, you’re wrong Simon.  It’s YOU and Frankie.

 

Time for the group song – Can’t Get You Out of My Head, from the year Idol was born.  I cannot stand this song….because you…..can’t……get it…..out…..of……AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.  Some behind the scenes of the Ford music video commercial brain-washing fiesta.  This week was super creepy because they were supposed to be doing some kind of vaudeville magic horror show thing.  <shiver>  I didn’t like the glitter on their faces…or the weird outfits.  They were likes clowns from Hell.  Not cool.

 

So since everybody missed Drama singing, I’ll post it to the blog.  They take some time now to let him respond to the judges standing ovation last night.  He says he was very honored.  Then they all get to say something since they didn’t have time to last night….Randy, Paula and Kara…..nothing worth repeating. 

 

Now it’s time for some results – Dramdama, Chris with a K and Anoop de Loop Loop, please stand up.  Drama is safe, but come ON….we already knew that.  Anoop de Loop Loop is in the bottom three and now I think it’s time to accept the fact that America doesn’t really like you….he’s been in the bottom three for about eight months now.

 

Time for some musical entertainment.  Flo Rider is singing You Spin Me Right Round….I don’t know if that is the actual name of his song, but it demos the Dead or Alive 80’s hit so heavily that it must be called the same thing, right?  He’s a big guy….got the whole pants hanging of his ass thing going on….hate that.  The song was ok.

 

More results – Danny is safe.  Dumbo is safe….and Ryan is a HUGE jerk by the way….he’s gonna gives those kids a coronary.  Scott is in the bottom 3 and we all kind of saw that coming….Now it’s down to the girls – Red or Lil.  Red is safe, of course.  Lil is in the bottom three.  Anoop, Lil and Scott.  Ok, that all makes sense.  Simon says, we would definitely consider saving a couple of the people, one in particular.  I assume he’s talking about Lil….cause I think he likes her.

 

More musical entertainment – it’s the Pickle!!  Holy cow, she looks amazing.  This song is a little annoying….and she’s not the best singer…..but she’s fun and you don’t really have to be an amazing singer to sing country.  Just be cute.  And fun.  And have a ridiculous accent. 

 

Back to the bottom three.  One of them is safe……it’s Lil.  Ok, and Ryan, don’t be so mean!  He says 34 million votes were called in and only 30,000 separated the bottom 2.  Uh oh.  Scott is the biggest loser this week….I am kind of surprised by that it’s not Anoopy….but not that surprised that it’s Scott.  And by the way, you’re all going to hell now for voting out a blind guy.  And now he has to sing – Dance Puppet, Dance!  No guitar, which is a good thing.  Bad falsetto….but the song was pretty good.  I don’t know.  Simon says it’s a split decision, 50/50.  I can’t see them using the Save this early….I really can’t.  Kara and Paula are all wishy washy which makes Simon nuts, so he decides by himself and says it’s a no.  The kiddies come over and hug him (remember he’s still on the summer tour) and Paula tells him he’s an inspiration to the entire world.  Because he’s blind….but she doesn’t want to point that out.  <sigh>

 

Later gators,

Heather

Top 8.  Another night, one more chance to gleefully crush someone’s dreams….YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!  Here’s Ryan looking very dapper in a gray suit and tie.  Tonight’s theme may be a fan favorite, but it's always a stinging reminder to me how ridiculously ancient I am – the kiddies are singing songs from the year they were born.  <frowny>  This gets worse every year.  Note to self – find a mechanism for reversing the effects of time and gravity after I get off work today.  The judges are already sitting because we have NO TIME for that stupid introduction thank goodness.  Only an hour tonight.  I can tell the Hubby is sensing the beginning of the end.  Instead of the normal intro, we get to see baby pics of the judges while Ryan reminds us what their names are – Randy “Hot Dawg” Jackson in his black country shirt, Kara “Hyperbole” DioGuardi in navy blue curtains, Paula “Where are my meds?” Abdul in a black and white cocktail dress, and Simon “Too good for a nickname” Cowell in his Tuesday shirt.  Simon’s baby pic was a little creepy by the way, looks like a devil child.  And Seacrest had the funniest buck teeth as a kid – Paula asks him if he ate a lot of carrots as a child because she thinks she’s very funny and clever.  <sigh>  Oh Paula.  So we need to get started immediately because like I said, we only have one hour, and Ryan informs us the first contestant to sing tonight will be the “oldest” one <stifling the urge to scream and pull my hair out> who is Ironman.

 

He was born in 1980.  It’s always nice to be reminded that I am too old to even participate in this competition, not that I would, but you know if I wanted to I couldn’t because I am not an 80’s baby.  I am the Crypt Keeper.  <whimper>  Ironman has picked a version of Stand By Me to sing tonight.  Love this song and I have all the faith in the world in him.  It’s a slower arrangement and then it picks up a little bit.  Sounds a lot like muzak.  He has a great voice but I hate this version.  Randy says he didn’t love the arrangement at first but Danny’s talent made him love it.  Kara said basically the same thing Randy said, eleven different ways.  Paula said you’ve set the bar very high, very amazing.  Simon said the beginning was good, the middle was lazy and the end was terrific.  Overall a very good performance.  And he said he doesn’t understand a thing Paula says.  HAHAHAHAHA.  I’m with you Cowell.

 

Next up is Chris with a K.  He was born in 1985.  Lord, why do you hate me?  He is singing All She Wants to do is Dance.  Great 80’s song.  I do love 80’s music, I really do.  Because I was born early enough to be a walking talking member of society in that decade.  I like this guy too, more than I did, but I don’t like this song.  He’s playing his guitar out in the audience.  It was ok.  Kara says I’m a big fan, glad you picked up the tempo, but that arrangement lost a lot of its youth.  Paula says she’s glad he changed it up, you’re one of the most likeable contestants.  Simon called it indulgent, boring and forgettable.  He said it was a stupid stupid song choice.  Randy said the arrangement was a little indulgent.  Randy don’t use Simon-Words.  He reminded Kris that he is in the competition, not the song.  Good point Randy  <rolling my eyes>. 

 

Lil is next and she was born in Big Brother Year.  Her mom does get a chance to explain that Lil’s name is Lil and it’s not short for anything.  Well it’s short for Lily which was her grandmother’s name or something, but that’s not her name.  Her name is Lil.  So Lil is singing Tina Turner’s What’s Love Got to do With It.  She’s dressed like Tina and she’s dancing like her and she’s singing with her accent.  It’s a great impersonation.  The beginning sounded a little flat, but her strong voice sounds amazing.  I thought it was pretty good.  Paula says you look very hot, this week it was important for you to prove who you are and you didn’t.  Simon says I think what she’s trying to say is we’re not looking for a 2^nd or 3^rd rate copy, we’ve lost you, no idea who you are, you’ve got to start making yourself original.  Randy says we all love you but it’s really real.  <pause>  I’m not making that up.  Kara said ‘artist’ and I tuned out.  Good for you Lil for smiling after all that because I thought they were a little harsh on you.

 

Anoop de Loop Loop is next.  He’s a Tarheel and he’s all excited about the NCAA Tourney, otherwise known as My Chance to Lose Money on a Worthless Bracket Tourney.  He apologizes to Kara for overreacting last week which I'm guessing wasn’t much of an overreaction since I have no clue what he’s talking about.  Anoop was born in 1986 and he’s an only child so that explains everything.  He is singing Cyndi Lauper’s True Colors.  I love this song and he’s doing a great job.  It’s very pretty.  He gave it a beat, a little tempo, and it was really good.  Randy says you pulled it back, very nice vocal, very controlled.  Kara says you controlled the song, it didn’t control you.  Whatever that means.  Paula said it was a flawless choice and you showed your true colors.  Ok Paula.  Simon called him a singing yo-yo, first you’re down and then you’re up.  I don’t think it was fantastic.  And then he said Anoop de Loop Loop doesn’t need to apologize for anything.  I agree.  Especially if it’s to Kara.

 

Scott is our next contestant.  He was born in 1985.  He is singing The Search is Over….with the electric guitar.  Huh?  Why?  This sounds like a musical or a movie soundtrack.  I don’t get it.  Of course he can sing but I think the stinkin’ judges pushed him away from his piano and it didn’t work at all.  Kara commends him for playing the guitar and then says she wouldn’t have done that.  It had some good and some bad parts.  Kara is too wishy washy…..but that’s good sweetheart, you don’t want to make the same mistake Paula did….she’s gonna burn in hell for criticizing a blind guy.  So Paula says she’s glad Scott stepped away from his piano, but doesn't get the guitar either.  Scott calls it his punk side.  <pause>  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Oh Scott, there is less than nothing punk about you.  Paula says, overall, it was brave.  Ok.  Simon suggests he go back to the piano and says the song was horrible, awful guitar, and a boring performance.  Then he gets to say Paula’s advice was wrong.  And that made him very very happy.  Randy says everything was just ok.  And then Scott says he wanted to show how versatile he is…..but you’re not Scott.  Snot.  Not at all.  Stick to what you’re good at.

 

Red is singing now and I want to beat my head into a wall.  1992!  92!  You were born in 1992!  I’m having an anxiety attack now.  She is singing I Can’t Make You Love Me by Bonnie Raitt.  What in the world is she wearing?  She looks like Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  I like her though and I really like this song.  Paula says what is great about you is we hear one note and know immediately it’s Allison.  Good Paula.  Glad you know who all the contestants are, that’s a relief.  Simon says it was very good, but we need to sort you which is British for make you more likeable.  Huh?  She is likeable!  What is he talking about?  Randy says you remind me of Kelly.  WHOA there Cowboy, let’s rein that mustang in a little.  He says she could sing her face off and so can you.  <pause>  <and a little more>  Sing your FACE OFF?!?!  What a horrific image…..thanks for the nightmares Randy.  He says you need to engage the public more.  Kara goes, whatever they said, let’s go make a record.  Here, here!

 

Dumbo is up next and was born in 1985.  He’s singing Part-Time Lovers by Stevie Wonder.  He’s got his Justin Timberlake hat on and this is the perfect song for him.  It’s pretty good, back to his bluesy and soulful singing.  He’s got some of the moves too….Randy says vocally, one of the best.  Kara says incredible, unbelievable.  Paula gives him a standing ovation.  And Simon says a million times better than last week, congrats.  And we’re rushing because we’re late, we’re late, we’re late. 

 

Dramadama is singing last tonight.  He was born in 1982.  I cannot wait to hear the debacle that is him….but he picked Mad World by Tears for Fears….and I love this song.  Love it.  And now I’m annoyed because Drama will inevitably make this awful for me.  Except he doesn’t, not even a little.  It is the perfect song for him.  He’s sitting in a chair, center stage, backlit for most of the song and it’s beautiful.  Just beautiful.  He changed it up a little, put some edge into it.  A fantastic falsetto.  And I am shocked to say I thought he was the best of the night.  <gritting my teeth>  What’s this?  Simon is talking first?  That never happens.  He say the bad news is we’re out of time [shocker], the good news is I’m the only one who’s gonna say anything [YAAAAAAAAAAAAY] but words aren’t really necessary.  I’m just gonna give you a standing ovation…<staring blanky at the TV, dumbstruck>.  This guy could win!  He really could!....<shaking my head>…..

 

So that’s it.  Your great eight.  I think Lil might be in trouble but she shouldn’t be….and I think Scott will be in trouble.  We’ll see.  Time to watch Fringe.

 

Later gators,

Heather